English
BYandbyitwasgetting-uptime.SoIcomedowntheladderandstartedfordown-stairs;butasIcometothegirls’roomthedoorwasopen,andIseeMaryJanesettingbyheroldhairtrunk,whichwasopenandshe’dbeenpackingthingsinit–gettingreadytogotoEngland.
Butshehadstoppednowwithafoldedgowninherlap,andhadherfaceinherhands,crying.
Ifeltawfulbadtoseeit;ofcourseanybodywould.Iwentinthereandsays:
“MissMaryJane,youcan’ta-beartoseepeopleintrouble,andIcan’t–mostalways.Tellmeaboutit.”
Soshedoneit.Anditwastheniggers–Ijustexpectedit.
ShesaidthebeautifultriptoEnglandwasmostaboutspoiledforher;shedidn’tknowHOWshewasevergoingtobehappythere,knowingthemotherandthechildrenwarn’tevergoingtoseeeachothernomore–andthenbustedoutbittererthanever,andflungupherhands,andsays:
“Oh,dear,dear,tothinktheyain’tEVERgoingtoseeeachotheranymore!”
“ButtheyWILL–andinsideoftwoweeks–andIKNOWit!”saysI.
Laws,itwasoutbeforeIcouldthink!AndbeforeIcouldbudgeshethrowsherarmsaroundmyneckandtoldmetosayitAGAIN,sayitAGAIN,sayitAGAIN!
IseeIhadspoketoosuddenandsaidtoomuch,andwasinacloseplace.
Iaskedhertoletmethinkaminute;andshesetthere,veryimpatientandexcitedandhandsome,butlookingkindofhappyandeased-up,likeapersonthat’shadatoothpulledout.SoIwenttostudyingitout.
Isaystomyself,Ireckonabodythatupsandtellsthetruthwhenheisinatightplaceistakingconsiderablemanyresks,thoughIain’thadnoexperience,andcan’tsayforcertain;butitlookssotome,anyway;andyethere’sacasewhereI’mblestifitdon’tlooktomelikethetruthisbetterandactulySAFERthanalie.
Imustlayitbyinmymind,andthinkitoversometimeorother,it’ssokindofstrangeandunregular.Ineverseenothinglikeit.
Well,Isaystomyselfatlast,I’ma-goingtochanceit;I’llupandtellthetruththistime,thoughitdoesseemmostlikesettingdownonakagofpowderandtouchingitoffjusttoseewhereyou’llgoto.ThenIsays:
“MissMaryJane,isthereanyplaceoutoftownalittlewayswhereyoucouldgoandstaythreeorfourdays?”
“Yes;Mr.Lothrop’s.Why?”
“Nevermindwhyyet.IfI’lltellyouhowIknowtheniggerswillseeeachotheragaininsideoftwoweeks–hereinthishouse–andPROVEhowIknowit–willyougotoMr.Lothrop’sandstayfourdays?”
“Fourdays!”shesays;“I’llstayayear!”
“Allright,”Isays,“Idon’twantnothingmoreoutofYOUthanjustyourword–Idrutherhaveitthananotherman’skiss-the-Bible.”
Shesmiledandreddenedupverysweet,andIsays,“Ifyoudon’tmindit,I’llshutthedoor–andboltit.”
ThenIcomebackandsetdownagain,andsays:
“Don’tyouholler.Justsetstillandtakeitlikeaman.
Igottotellthetruth,andyouwanttobraceup,MissMary,becauseit’sabadkind,andgoingtobehardtotake,butthereain’tnohelpforit.
Theseunclesofyournain’tnounclesatall;they’reacoupleoffrauds–regulardead-beats.
There,nowwe’reovertheworstofit,youcanstandtherestmiddlingeasy.”
Itjoltedheruplikeeverything,ofcourse;butIwasovertheshoalwaternow,soIwentrightalong,hereyesa-blazinghigherandhigherallthetime,andtoldhereveryblamething,fromwherewefirststruckthatyoungfoolgoinguptothesteamboat,clearthroughtowheresheflungherselfontotheking’sbreastatthefrontdoorandhekissedhersixteenorseventeentimes–andthenupshejumps,withherfaceafirelikesunset,andsays:
“Thebrute!Come,don’twasteaminute–notaSECOND–we’llhavethemtarredandfeathered,andflungintheriver!”
SaysI:
“Cert’nly.ButdoyoumeanBEFOREyougotoMr.Lothrop’s,or–”
“Oh,”shesays,“whatamITHINKINGabout!”shesays,andsetrightdownagain.
“Don’tmindwhatIsaid–pleasedon’t–youWON’T,now,WILLyou?”
LayinghersilkyhandonmineinthatkindofawaythatIsaidIwoulddiefirst.
“Ineverthought,Iwassostirredup,”shesays;“nowgoon,andIwon’tdosoanymore.
Youtellmewhattodo,andwhateveryousayI’lldoit.”
“Well,”Isays,“it’saroughgang,themtwofrauds,andI’mfixedsoIgottotravelwiththemawhilelonger,whetherIwanttoornot–Idruthernottellyouwhy;andifyouwastoblowonthemthistownwouldgetmeoutoftheirclaws,andI’dbeallright;butthere’dbeanotherpersonthatyoudon’tknowaboutwho’dbeinbigtrouble.Well,wegottosaveHIM,hain’twe?Ofcourse.Well,then,wewon’tblowonthem.”
Sayingthemwordsputagoodideainmyhead.
IseehowmaybeIcouldgetmeandJimridofthefrauds;getthemjailedhere,andthenleave.
ButIdidn’twanttoruntheraftinthedaytimewithoutanybodyaboardtoanswerquestionsbutme;soIdidn’twanttheplantobeginworkingtillprettylateto-night.Isays:
“MissMaryJane,I’lltellyouwhatwe’lldo,andyouwon’thavetostayatMr.Lothrop’ssolong,nuther.Howfurisit?”
“Alittleshortoffourmiles–rightoutinthecountry,backhere.”
“Well,that‘llanswer.Nowyougoalongoutthere,andlaylowtillnineorhalf-pastto-night,andthengetthemtofetchyouhomeagain–tellthemyou’vethoughtofsomething.
Ifyougetherebeforeelevenputacandleinthiswindow,andifIdon’tturnupwaitTILLeleven,andTHENifIdon’tturnupitmeansI’mgone,andoutoftheway,andsafe.
Thenyoucomeoutandspreadthenewsaround,andgetthesebeatsjailed.”
“Good,”shesays,“I’lldoit.”
“AndifitjusthappenssothatIdon’tgetaway,butgettookupalongwiththem,youmustupandsayItoldyouthewholethingbeforehand,andyoumuststandbymeallyoucan.”
“Standbyyou!indeedIwill.Theysha’n’ttouchahairofyourhead!”shesays,andIseehernostrilsspreadandhereyessnapwhenshesaidit,too.
“IfIgetawayIsha’n’tbehere,”Isays,“toprovetheserapscallionsain’tyouruncles,andIcouldn’tdoitifIWAShere.
Icouldsweartheywasbeatsandbummers,that’sall,thoughthat’sworthsomething.
Well,there’sotherscandothatbetterthanwhatIcan,andthey’repeoplethatain’tgoingtobedoubtedasquickasI’dbe.I’lltellyouhowtofindthem.Gimmeapencilandapieceofpaper.There–‘RoyalNonesuch,Bricksville.’Putitaway,anddon’tloseit.
Whenthecourtwantstofindoutsomethingaboutthesetwo,letthemsenduptoBricksvilleandsaythey’vegotthementhatplayedtheRoyalNonesuch,andaskforsomewitnesses–why,you’llhavethatentiretowndownherebeforeyoucanhardlywink,MissMary.Andthey’llcomea-biling,too.”
Ijudgedwehadgoteverythingfixedaboutrightnow.SoIsays:
“Justlettheauctiongorightalong,anddon’tworry.
Nobodydon’thavetopayforthethingstheybuytillawholedayaftertheauctiononaccountsoftheshortnotice,andtheyain’tgoingoutofthistilltheygetthatmoney;andthewaywe’vefixeditthesaleain’tgoingtocount,andtheyain’tgoingtogetnomoney.
It’sjustlikethewayitwaswiththeniggers–itwarn’tnosale,andtheniggerswillbebackbeforelong.
Why,theycan’tcollectthemoneyfortheNIGGERSyet–they’reintheworstkindofafix,MissMary.”
“Well,”shesays,“I’llrundowntobreakfastnow,andthenI’llstartstraightforMr.Lothrop’s.”
”’Deed,THATain’ttheticket,MissMaryJane,”Isays,“bynomannerofmeans;goBEFOREbreakfast.”
“Why?”
“WhatdidyoureckonIwantedyoutogoatallfor,MissMary?”
“Well,Ineverthought–andcometothink,Idon’tknow.Whatwasit?”
“Why,it’sbecauseyouain’toneoftheseleatherfacepeople.
Idon’twantnobetterbookthanwhatyourfaceis.
Abodycansetdownandreaditofflikecoarseprint.
Doyoureckonyoucangoandfaceyouruncleswhentheycometokissyougoodmorning,andnever–”
“There,there,don’t!Yes,I’llgobeforebreakfast–I’llbegladto.Andleavemysisterswiththem?”
“Yes;nevermindaboutthem.They’vegottostandityetawhile.
Theymightsuspicionsomethingifallofyouwastogo.
Idon’twantyoutoseethem,noryoursisters,nornobodyinthistown;ifaneighborwastoaskhowisyourunclesthismorningyourfacewouldtellsomething.
No,yougorightalong,MissMaryJane,andI’llfixitwithallofthem.
I’lltellMissSusantogiveyourlovetoyourunclesandsayyou’vewentawayforafewhoursfortogetalittlerestandchange,ortoseeafriend,andyou’llbebackto-nightorearlyinthemorning.”
“Gonetoseeafriendisallright,butIwon’thavemylovegiventothem.”
“Well,then,itsha’n’tbe.”ItwaswellenoughtotellHERso–noharminit.
Itwasonlyalittlethingtodo,andnotrouble;andit’sthelittlethingsthatsmoothspeople’sroadsthemost,downherebelow;itwouldmakeMaryJanecomfortable,anditwouldn’tcostnothing.
ThenIsays:“There’sonemorething–thatbagofmoney.”
“Well,they’vegotthat;anditmakesmefeelprettysillytothinkHOWtheygotit.”
“No,you’reout,there.Theyhain’tgotit.”
“Why,who’sgotit?”
“IwishIknowed,butIdon’t.IHADit,becauseIstoleitfromthem;andIstoleittogivetoyou;andIknowwhereIhidit,butI’mafraiditain’ttherenomore.
I’mawfulsorry,MissMaryJane,I’mjustassorryasIcanbe;butIdonethebestIcould;Ididhonest.
Icomenighgettingcaught,andIhadtoshoveitintothefirstplaceIcometo,andrun–anditwarn’tagoodplace.”
“Oh,stopblamingyourself–it’stoobadtodoit,andIwon’tallowit–youcouldn’thelpit;itwasn’tyourfault.Wheredidyouhideit?”
Ididn’twanttosethertothinkingabouthertroublesagain;andIcouldn’tseemtogetmymouthtotellherwhatwouldmakeherseethatcorpselayinginthecoffinwiththatbagofmoneyonhisstomach.
SoforaminuteIdidn’tsaynothing;thenIsays:
“I’druthernotTELLyouwhereIputit,MissMaryJane,ifyoudon’tmindlettingmeoff;butI’llwriteitforyouonapieceofpaper,andyoucanreaditalongtheroadtoMr.Lothrop’s,ifyouwantto.Doyoureckonthat‘lldo?”
“Oh,yes.”
SoIwrote:“Iputitinthecoffin.Itwasintherewhenyouwascryingthere,awayinthenight.Iwasbehindthedoor,andIwasmightysorryforyou,MissMaryJane.”
Itmademyeyeswateralittletorememberhercryingthereallbyherselfinthenight,andthemdevilslayingthererightunderherownroof,shamingherandrobbingher;andwhenIfoldeditupandgiveittoherIseethewatercomeintohereyes,too;andsheshookmebythehand,hard,andsays:
“GOOD-bye.I’mgoingtodoeverythingjustasyou’vetoldme;andifIdon’teverseeyouagain,Isha’n’teverforgetyou.
andI’llthinkofyouamanyandamanyatime,andI’llPRAYforyou,too!”–andshewasgone.
Prayforme!Ireckonedifsheknowedmeshe’dtakeajobthatwasmorenearerhersize.
ButIbetshedoneit,justthesame–shewasjustthatkind.
ShehadthegrittoprayforJudusifshetookthenotion–therewarn’tnoback-downtoher,Ijudge.
Youmaysaywhatyouwantto,butinmyopinionshehadmoresandinherthananygirlIeversee;inmyopinionshewasjustfullofsand.
Itsoundslikeflattery,butitain’tnoflattery.
Andwhenitcomestobeauty–andgoodness,too–shelaysoverthemall.
Ihain’teverseenhersincethattimethatIseehergooutofthatdoor;no,Ihain’teverseenhersince,butIreckonI’vethoughtofheramanyandamanyamilliontimes,andofhersayingshewouldprayforme;andifeverI’dathoughtitwoulddoanygoodformetoprayforHER,blamedifIwouldn’tadoneitorbust.
Well,MaryJaneshelitoutthebackway,Ireckon;becausenobodyseehergo.WhenIstruckSusanandthehare-lip,Isays:
“What’sthenameofthempeopleoveront’othersideoftheriverthatyouallgoestoseesometimes?”
Theysays:
“There’sseveral;butit’stheProctors,mainly.”
“That’sthename,”Isays;“Imostforgotit.Well,MissMaryJaneshetoldmetotellyoushe’sgoneoverthereinadreadfulhurry–oneofthem’ssick.”
“Whichone?”
“Idon’tknow;leastways,Ikinderforget;butIthinksit’s–”
“Sakesalive,Ihopeitain’tHANNER?”
“I’msorrytosayit,”Isays,“butHanner’stheveryone.”
“Mygoodness,andshesowellonlylastweek!Isshetookbad?”
“Itain’tnonameforit.Theysetupwithherallnight,MissMaryJanesaid,andtheydon’tthinkshe’lllastmanyhours.”
“Onlythinkofthat,now!What’sthematterwithher?”
Icouldn’tthinkofanythingreasonable,rightoffthatway,soIsays:
“Mumps.”
“Mumpsyourgranny!Theydon’tsetupwithpeoplethat’sgotthemumps.”
“Theydon’t,don’tthey?YoubetterbettheydowithTHESEmumps.Thesemumpsisdifferent.It’sanewkind,MissMaryJanesaid.”
“How’sitanewkind?”
“Becauseit’smixedupwithotherthings.”
“Whatotherthings?”
“Well,measles,andwhooping-cough,anderysiplas,andconsumption,andyallerjanders,andbrain-fever,andIdon’tknowwhatall.”
“Myland!AndtheycallittheMUMPS?”
“That’swhatMissMaryJanesaid.”
“Well,whatinthenationdotheycallittheMUMPSfor?”
“Why,becauseitISthemumps.That’swhatitstartswith.”
“Well,ther’ain’tnosenseinit.Abodymightstumphistoe,andtakepison,andfalldownthewell,andbreakhisneck,andbusthisbrainsout,andsomebodycomealongandaskwhatkilledhim,andsomenumskullupandsay,‘Why,hestumpedhisTOE.’Wouldther’beanysenseinthat?NO.
Andther’ain’tnosenseinTHIS,nuther.Isitketching?”
“IsitKETCHING?Why,howyoutalk.IsaHARROWcatching–inthedark?
Ifyoudon’thitchontoonetooth,you’reboundtoonanother,ain’tyou?
Andyoucan’tgetawaywiththattoothwithoutfetchingthewholeharrowalong,canyou?
Well,thesekindofmumpsisakindofaharrow,asyoumaysay–anditain’tnoslouchofaharrow,nuther,youcometogetithitchedongood.”
“Well,it’sawful,Ithink,”saysthehare-lip.“I’llgotoUncleHarveyand–”
“Oh,yes,”Isays,“IWOULD.OfCOURSEIwould.Iwouldn’tlosenotime.”
“Well,whywouldn’tyou?”
“Justlookatitaminute,andmaybeyoucansee.
Hain’tyourunclesobleegdtogetalonghometoEnglandasfastastheycan?
Anddoyoureckonthey’dbemeanenoughtogooffandleaveyoutogoallthatjourneybyyourselves?YOUknowthey’llwaitforyou.Sofur,sogood.
YouruncleHarvey’sapreacher,ain’the?
Verywell,then;isaPREACHERgoingtodeceiveasteamboatclerk?ishegoingtodeceiveaSHIPCLERK?
–soastogetthemtoletMissMaryJanegoaboard?NowYOUknowheain’t.WhatWILLhedo,then?
Why,he’llsay,‘It’sagreatpity,butmychurchmattershasgottogetalongthebestwaytheycan;formyniecehasbeenexposedtothedreadfulpluribus-unummumps,andsoit’smyboundendutytosetdownhereandwaitthethreemonthsittakestoshowonherifshe’sgotit.’
Butnevermind,ifyouthinkit’sbesttotellyouruncleHarvey–”
“Shucks,andstayfoolingaroundherewhenwecouldallbehavinggoodtimesinEnglandwhilstwewaswaitingtofindoutwhetherMaryJane’sgotitornot?Why,youtalklikeamuggins.”
“Well,anyway,maybeyou’dbettertellsomeoftheneighbors.”
“Listenatthat,now.Youdobeatallfornaturalstupidness.Can’tyouSEEthatTHEY’Dgoandtell?Ther’ain’tnowaybutjusttonottellanybodyatALL.”
“Well,maybeyou’reright–yes,IjudgeyouAREright.”
“ButIreckonweoughttotellUncleHarveyshe’sgoneoutawhile,anyway,sohewon’tbeuneasyabouther?”
“Yes,MissMaryJaneshewantedyoutodothat.
Shesays,‘TellthemtogiveUncleHarveyandWilliammyloveandakiss,andsayI’verunovertherivertoseeMr.’–Mr.–whatISthenameofthatrichfamilyyourunclePeterusedtothinksomuchof?–Imeantheonethat–”
“Why,youmustmeantheApthorps,ain’tit?”
“Ofcourse;botherthemkindofnames,abodycan’teverseemtorememberthem,halfthetime,somehow.
Yes,shesaid,sayshehasrunoverfortoasktheApthorpstobesureandcometotheauctionandbuythishouse,becausesheallowedherunclePeterwouldruthertheyhaditthananybodyelse;andshe’sgoingtosticktothemtilltheysaythey’llcome,andthen,ifsheain’ttootired,she’scominghome;andifsheis,she’llbehomeinthemorninganyway.
Shesaid,don’tsaynothingabouttheProctors,butonlyabouttheApthorps–which‘llbeperfectlytrue,becausesheisgoingtheretospeakabouttheirbuyingthehouse;Iknowit,becauseshetoldmesoherself.”
“Allright,”theysaid,andclearedouttolayfortheiruncles,andgivethemtheloveandthekisses,andtellthemthemessage.
Everythingwasallrightnow.Thegirlswouldn’tsaynothingbecausetheywantedtogotoEngland;andthekingandthedukewouldrutherMaryJanewasoffworkingfortheauctionthanaroundinreachofDoctorRobinson.
Ifeltverygood;IjudgedIhaddoneitprettyneat–IreckonedTomSawyercouldn’tadoneitnoneaterhimself.
Ofcoursehewouldathrowedmorestyleintoit,butIcan’tdothatveryhandy,notbeingbrunguptoit.
Well,theyheldtheauctioninthepublicsquare,alongtowardstheendoftheafternoon,anditstrungalong,andstrungalong,andtheoldmanhewasonhandandlookinghislevelpisonest,uptherelongsideoftheauctioneer,andchippinginalittleScripturenowandthen,oralittlegoody-goodysayingofsomekind,andthedukehewasaroundgoo-gooingforsympathyallheknowedhow,andjustspreadinghimselfgenerly.
Butbyandbythethingdraggedthrough,andeverythingwassold–everythingbutalittleoldtriflinglotinthegraveyard.
Sothey’dgottoworkthatoff–IneverseesuchagirafftasthekingwasforwantingtoswallowEVERYTHING.
Well,whilsttheywasatitasteamboatlanded,andinabouttwominutesupcomesacrowda-whoopingandyellingandlaughingandcarryingon,andsingingout:
“HERE’Syouroppositionline!here’syourtwosetso’heirstooldPeterWilks–andyoupaysyourmoneyandyoutakesyourchoice!”
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