English
WELL,whentheywasallgonethekingheasksMaryJanehowtheywasoffforsparerooms,andshesaidshehadonespareroom,whichwoulddoforUncleWilliam,andshe’dgiveherownroomtoUncleHarvey,whichwasalittlebigger,andshewouldturnintotheroomwithhersistersandsleeponacot;andupgarretwasalittlecubby,withapalletinit.
Thekingsaidthecubbywoulddoforhisvalley–meaningme.
SoMaryJanetookusup,andsheshowedthemtheirrooms,whichwasplainbutnice.
Shesaidshe’dhaveherfrocksandalotofothertrapstookoutofherroomiftheywasinUncleHarvey’sway,buthesaidtheywarn’t.
Thefrockswashungalongthewall,andbeforethemwasacurtainmadeoutofcalicothathungdowntothefloor.
Therewasanoldhairtrunkinonecorner,andaguitar-boxinanother,andallsortsoflittleknickknacksandjimcracksaround,likegirlsbriskenuparoomwith.
Thekingsaiditwasallthemorehomelyandmorepleasanterforthesefixings,andsodon’tdisturbthem.
Theduke’sroomwasprettysmall,butplentygoodenough,andsowasmycubby.
Thatnighttheyhadabigsupper,andallthemmenandwomenwasthere,andIstoodbehindthekingandtheduke’schairsandwaitedonthem,andtheniggerswaitedontherest.
MaryJaneshesetattheheadofthetable,withSusanalongsideofher,andsaidhowbadthebiscuitswas,andhowmeanthepreserveswas,andhoworneryandtoughthefriedchickenswas–andallthatkindofrot,thewaywomenalwaysdofortoforceoutcompliments;andthepeopleallknowedeverythingwastiptop,andsaidso–said“HowDOyougetbiscuitstobrownsonice?”
and“Where,fortheland’ssake,DIDyougettheseamaz’npickles?”
andallthatkindofhumbugtalky-talk,justthewaypeoplealwaysdoesatasupper,youknow.
Andwhenitwasalldonemeandthehare-liphadsupperinthekitchenoffoftheleavings,whilsttheotherswashelpingtheniggerscleanupthethings.
Thehare-lipshegottopumpingmeaboutEngland,andblestifIdidn’tthinktheicewasgettingmightythinsometimes.Shesays:
“Didyoueverseetheking?”
“Who?WilliamFourth?Well,IbetIhave–hegoestoourchurch.”Iknowedhewasdeadyearsago,butIneverleton.SowhenIsayshegoestoourchurch,shesays:
“What–regular?”
“Yes–regular.Hispew’srightoveroppositeourn–ont’othersidethepulpit.”
“IthoughthelivedinLondon?”
“Well,hedoes.WhereWOULDhelive?”
“ButIthoughtYOUlivedinSheffield?”
IseeIwasupastump.Ihadtoletontogetchokedwithachickenbone,soastogettimetothinkhowtogetdownagain.ThenIsays:
“Imeanhegoestoourchurchregularwhenhe’sinSheffield.That’sonlyinthesummertime,whenhecomestheretotaketheseabaths.”
“Why,howyoutalk–Sheffieldain’tonthesea.”
“Well,whosaiditwas?”
“Why,youdid.”
“IDIDN’Tnuther.”
“Youdid!”
“Ididn’t.”
“Youdid.”
“Ineversaidnothingofthekind.”
“Well,whatDIDyousay,then?”
“SaidhecometotaketheseaBATHS–that’swhatIsaid.”
“Well,then,how’shegoingtotaketheseabathsifitain’tonthesea?”
“Lookyhere,”Isays;“didyoueverseeanyCongress-water?”
“Yes.”
“Well,didyouhavetogotoCongresstogetit?”
“Why,no.”
“Well,neitherdoesWilliamFourthhavetogototheseatogetaseabath.”
“Howdoeshegetit,then?”
“GetsitthewaypeopledownheregetsCongresswater–inbarrels.
ThereinthepalaceatSheffieldthey’vegotfurnaces,andhewantshiswaterhot.
Theycan’tbilethatamountofwaterawayoffthereatthesea.
Theyhaven’tgotnoconveniencesforit.”
“Oh,Isee,now.Youmightasaidthatinthefirstplaceandsavedtime.”
WhenshesaidthatIseeIwasoutofthewoodsagain,andsoIwascomfortableandglad.Next,shesays:
“Doyougotochurch,too?”
“Yes–regular.”
“Wheredoyouset?”
“Why,inourpew.”
“WHOSEpew?”
“Why,OURN–yourUncleHarvey’s.”
“His’n?WhatdoesHEwantwithapew?”
“Wantsittosetin.WhatdidyouRECKONhewantedwithit?”
“Why,Ithoughthe’dbeinthepulpit.”
Rothim,Iforgothewasapreacher.IseeIwasupastumpagain,soIplayedanotherchickenboneandgotanotherthink.ThenIsays:
“Blameit,doyousupposethereain’tbutonepreachertoachurch?”
“Why,whatdotheywantwithmore?”
“What!–topreachbeforeaking?Ineverdidseesuchagirlasyou.Theydon’thavenolessthanseventeen.”
“Seventeen!Myland!Why,Iwouldn’tsetoutsuchastringasthat,notifINEVERgottoglory.Itmusttake‘emaweek.”
“Shucks,theydon’tALLof‘empreachthesameday–onlyONEof‘em.”
“Well,then,whatdoestherestof‘emdo?”
“Oh,nothingmuch.Lollaround,passtheplate–andonethingoranother.Butmainlytheydon’tdonothing.”
“Well,then,whataretheyFOR?”
“Why,they’reforSTYLE.Don’tyouknownothing?”
“Well,Idon’tWANTtoknownosuchfoolishnessasthat.HowisservantstreatedinEngland?Dotheytreat‘embetter‘nwetreatourniggers?”
“NO!Aservantain’tnobodythere.Theytreatthemworsethandogs.”
“Don’ttheygive‘emholidays,thewaywedo,ChristmasandNewYear’sweek,andFourthofJuly?”
“Oh,justlisten!AbodycouldtellYOUhain’teverbeentoEnglandbythat.
Why,Hare-l–why,Joanna,theyneverseeaholidayfromyear’sendtoyear’send;nevergotothecircus,northeater,norniggershows,nornowheres.”
“Norchurch?”
“Norchurch.”
“ButYOUalwayswenttochurch.”
Well,Iwasgoneupagain.IforgotIwastheoldman’sservant.
ButnextminuteIwhirledinonakindofanexplanationhowavalleywasdifferentfromacommonservantandHADtogotochurchwhetherhewantedtoornot,andsetwiththefamily,onaccountofitsbeingthelaw.
ButIdidn’tdoitprettygood,andwhenIgotdoneIseeshewarn’tsatisfied.Shesays:
“Honestinjun,now,hain’tyoubeentellingmealotoflies?”
“Honestinjun,”saysI.
“Noneofitatall?”
“Noneofitatall.Notalieinit,”saysI.
“Layyourhandonthisbookandsayit.”
Iseeitwarn’tnothingbutadictionary,soIlaidmyhandonitandsaidit.Sothenshelookedalittlebettersatisfied,andsays:
“Well,then,I’llbelievesomeofit;butIhopetograciousifI’llbelievetherest.”
“Whatisityouwon’tbelieve,Joe?”saysMaryJane,steppinginwithSusanbehindher.
“Itain’trightnorkindforyoutotalksotohim,andhimastrangerandsofarfromhispeople.Howwouldyouliketobetreatedso?”
“That’salwaysyourway,Maim–alwayssailingintohelpsomebodybeforethey’rehurt.Ihain’tdonenothingtohim.
He’stoldsomestretchers,Ireckon,andIsaidIwouldn’tswallowitall;andthat’severybitandgrainIDIDsay.
Ireckonhecanstandalittlethinglikethat,can’the?”
“Idon’tcarewhether‘twaslittleorwhether‘twasbig;he’shereinourhouseandastranger,anditwasn’tgoodofyoutosayit.
Ifyouwasinhisplaceitwouldmakeyoufeelashamed;andsoyououghtn’ttosayathingtoanotherpersonthatwillmakeTHEMfeelashamed.”
“Why,Maim,hesaid–”
“Itdon’tmakenodifferencewhatheSAID–thatain’tthething.
ThethingisforyoutotreathimKIND,andnotbesayingthingstomakehimrememberheain’tinhisowncountryandamongsthisownfolks.”
Isaystomyself,THISisagirlthatI’mlettingthatoldreptlerobherofhermoney!
ThenSusanSHEwaltzedin;andifyou’llbelieveme,shedidgiveHare-lipharkfromthetomb!
SaysItomyself,andthisisANOTHERonethatI’mlettinghimrobherofhermoney!
ThenMaryJaneshetookanotherinning,andwentinsweetandlovelyagain–whichwasherway;butwhenshegotdonetherewarn’thardlyanythinglefto’poorHare-lip.Soshehollered.
“Allright,then,”saystheothergirls;“youjustaskhispardon.”
Shedoneit,too;andshedoneitbeautiful.Shedoneitsobeautifulitwasgoodtohear;andIwishedIcouldtellherathousandlies,soshecoulddoitagain.
Isaystomyself,thisisANOTHERonethatI’mlettinghimrobherofhermoney.
AndwhenshegotthroughtheyalljestlaidtheirselvesouttomakemefeelathomeandknowIwasamongstfriends.
IfeltsoorneryandlowdownandmeanthatIsaystomyself,mymind’smadeup;I’llhivethatmoneyforthemorbust.
SothenIlitout–forbed,Isaid,meaningsometimeoranother.
WhenIgotbymyselfIwenttothinkingthethingover.
Isaystomyself,shallIgotothatdoctor,private,andblowonthesefrauds?No–thatwon’tdo.
Hemighttellwhotoldhim;thenthekingandthedukewouldmakeitwarmforme.
ShallIgo,private,andtellMaryJane?No–Idasn’tdoit.
Herfacewouldgivethemahint,sure;they’vegotthemoney,andthey’dsliderightoutandgetawaywithit.
IfshewastofetchinhelpI’dgetmixedupinthebusinessbeforeitwasdonewith,Ijudge.No;thereain’tnogoodwaybutone.
Igottostealthatmoney,somehow;andIgottostealitsomewaythattheywon’tsuspicionthatIdoneit.
They’vegotagoodthinghere,andtheyain’ta-goingtoleavetillthey’veplayedthisfamilyandthistownforallthey’reworth,soI’llfindachancetimeenough.
I’llstealitandhideit;andbyandby,whenI’mawaydowntheriver,I’llwritealetterandtellMaryJanewhereit’shid.
ButIbetterhiveittonightifIcan,becausethedoctormaybehasn’tletupasmuchasheletsonhehas;hemightscarethemoutofhereyet.
So,thinksI,I’llgoandsearchthemrooms.
Upstairsthehallwasdark,butIfoundtheduke’sroom,andstartedtopawarounditwithmyhands;butIrecollecteditwouldn’tbemuchlikethekingtoletanybodyelsetakecareofthatmoneybuthisownself;sothenIwenttohisroomandbeguntopawaroundthere.
ButIseeIcouldn’tdonothingwithoutacandle,andIdasn’tlightone,ofcourse.
SoIjudgedI’dgottodotheotherthing–layforthemandeavesdrop.
AboutthattimeIhearstheirfootstepscoming,andwasgoingtoskipunderthebed;Ireachedforit,butitwasn’twhereIthoughtitwouldbe;butItouchedthecurtainthathidMaryJane’sfrocks,soIjumpedinbehindthatandsnuggledinamongstthegowns,andstoodthereperfectlystill.
Theycomeinandshutthedoor;andthefirstthingthedukedonewastogetdownandlookunderthebed.
ThenIwasgladIhadn’tfoundthebedwhenIwantedit.
Andyet,youknow,it’skindofnaturaltohideunderthebedwhenyouareuptoanythingprivate.Theysetsdownthen,andthekingsays:
“Well,whatisit?Andcutitmiddlin’short,becauseit’sbetterforustobedowntherea-whoopin’upthemournin’thanupheregivin’‘emachancetotalkusover.”
“Well,thisisit,Capet.Iain’teasy;Iain’tcomfortable.Thatdoctorlaysonmymind.Iwantedtoknowyourplans.I’vegotanotion,andIthinkit’sasoundone.”
“Whatisit,duke?”
“Thatwebetterglideoutofthisbeforethreeinthemorning,andclipitdowntheriverwithwhatwe’vegot.
Specially,seeingwegotitsoeasy–GIVENbacktous,flungatourheads,asyoumaysay,whenofcourseweallowedtohavetostealitback.I’mforknockingoffandlightingout.”
Thatmademefeelprettybad.Aboutanhourortwoagoitwouldabeenalittledifferent,butnowitmademefeelbadanddisappointed,Thekingripsoutandsays:
“What!Andnotsellouttheresto’theproperty?
Marchofflikeapasseloffoolsandleaveeightorninethous’n’dollars’wortho’propertylayin’aroundjestsufferin’tobescoopedin?–andallgood,salablestuff,too.”
Thedukehegrumbled;saidthebagofgoldwasenough,andhedidn’twanttogonodeeper–didn’twanttorobalotoforphansofEVERYTHINGtheyhad.
“Why,howyoutalk!”saystheking.
“Wesha’n’trob‘emofnothingatallbutjestthismoney.
ThepeoplethatBUYSthepropertyisthesuff’rers;becauseassoon’sit’sfoundout‘atwedidn’townit–whichwon’tbelongafterwe’veslid–thesalewon’tbevalid,andit‘llallgobacktotheestate.
Theseyerorphans‘llgittheirhousebackagin,andthat’senoughforTHEM;they’reyoungandspry,andk’neasyearnalivin’.THEYain’ta-gointosuffer.
Why,jestthink–there’sthous’n’sandthous’n’sthatain’tnighsowelloff.
Blessyou,THEYain’tgotnoth’n’tocomplainof.”
Well,thekinghetalkedhimblind;soatlasthegivein,andsaidallright,butsaidhebelieveditwasblamedfoolishnesstostay,andthatdoctorhangingoverthem.Butthekingsays:
“Cussthedoctor!Whatdowek’yerforHIM?Hain’twegotallthefoolsintownonourside?Andain’tthatabigenoughmajorityinanytown?”
Sotheygotreadytogodownstairsagain.Thedukesays:
“Idon’tthinkweputthatmoneyinagoodplace.”
Thatcheeredmeup.I’dbeguntothinkIwarn’tgoingtogetahintofnokindtohelpme.Thekingsays:
“Why?”
“BecauseMaryJane‘llbeinmourningfromthisout;andfirstyouknowtheniggerthatdoesuptheroomswillgetanordertoboxthesedudsupandput‘emaway;anddoyoureckonaniggercanrunacrossmoneyandnotborrowsomeofit?”
“Yourhead’slevelagin,duke,”saystheking;andhecomesa-fumblingunderthecurtaintwoorthreefootfromwhereIwas.
Istucktighttothewallandkeptmightystill,thoughquivery;andIwonderedwhatthemfellowswouldsaytomeiftheycatchedme;andItriedtothinkwhatI’dbetterdoiftheydidcatchme.
ButthekinghegotthebagbeforeIcouldthinkmorethanaboutahalfathought,andheneversuspicionedIwasaround.
Theytookandshovedthebagthrougharipinthestrawtickthatwasunderthefeather-bed,andcrammeditinafootortwoamongstthestrawandsaiditwasallrightnow,becauseaniggeronlymakesupthefeather-bed,anddon’tturnoverthestrawtickonlyabouttwiceayear,andsoitwarn’tinnodangerofgettingstolenow.
ButIknowedbetter.Ihaditoutoftherebeforetheywashalf-waydownstairs.
Igropedalonguptomycubby,andhidittheretillIcouldgetachancetodobetter.
IjudgedIbetterhideitoutsideofthehousesomewheres,becauseiftheymissedittheywouldgivethehouseagoodransacking:Iknowedthatverywell.
ThenIturnedin,withmyclothesallon;butIcouldn’tagonetosleepifI’dawantedto,Iwasinsuchasweattogetthroughwiththebusiness.
ByandbyIheardthekingandthedukecomeup;soIrolledoffmypalletandlaidwithmychinatthetopofmyladder,andwaitedtoseeifanythingwasgoingtohappen.Butnothingdid.
SoIheldontillallthelatesoundshadquitandtheearlyoneshadn’tbegunyet;andthenIslippeddowntheladder.
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