English
Therewerefourofus–George,WilliamSamuelHarris,myself(myfriendscallmeJ),andMontmorency.Weweresittinginmyroomandweresmokingandtalkingaboutourbadhealth.
Wewereallfeelingveryill,andwewereunhappyaboutit.Harrissaidhefeltdizzysometimes.Georgefeltdizzy,too.
Mybigproblemwasmyliver.IknewIhadabadliver.Ihadreadaboutallthesymptomsofliverdiseaseinabook.Ihadeverysymptomthatwaswritten.
EverytimeIreadaboutanillness,IrealisethatIhaveit.
Oneday,Ihadalittlehealthproblem.IwenttotheBritishMuseumLibrarytoreadaboutit.Aftersometime,Ibeganreadingaboutanotherillness.Idon’trememberthenamenow,butitwassomethingterrible.IknewIhadthatterribleillness,too.
Ibeganreadingthebookfromtheletter‘a’totheletter‘z’Ihadthesymptomsofallthediseasesinthebook,exceptforone!
Ididn’thavehousemaid’sknee.Thismademeabitunhappy.Whydidn’tIhavehousemaid’sknee,too?
WithallthediseasesIhad,Iknewmylifewasshort.Itriedtoexaminemyself.Itriedtofeelmyheart.Itriedtolookatmytongue.WhenIhadwalkedintothelibrary,Ihadbeenahappy,healthyman.WhenIleftit,Iwasaveryillman.
Iwenttoseemydoctor.Heisanoldfriend.WheneverIthinkIamill,heexaminesmeandsaysIamfine.Adoctorreallymusthavepractice!Thistime,Ithought,hewillgetmorepracticewithmethanwithathousandnormalpatients.Afterall,normalpatientshaveonlyoneortwodiseaseseach.
‘Well,what’swrongwithyou?’heasked.
Isaid,‘IfItellyouwhatiswrongwithme,youwilldiebeforeIfinish.Lifeistooshort!I’lltellyouwhatisnotwrongwithme…Idon’thavehousemaid’sknee.ButIhaveeverythingelse.’
ItoldhimaboutwhatIhadreadatthelibrary.
Helookedatmecarefully.Helistenedtomyheartandlookedatmytongue.Afterthat,hewroteaprescriptionIandgaveittome.Iputitinmypocketandwentout.
Ididn’treadtheprescription.Itookittothechemist’sandgaveittohim.Hereaditandgaveitbacktome.Hesaid,‘Idon’thavethethingsontheprescription.’
‘Butyou’reachemist,aren’tyou?’Iasked.
Hesaid,‘You’reright,sir.I’machemist.Idon’thaveashopandahotel.’
Ireadtheprescription.Itsaid:
Everysixhours:lbofgoodfreshmeat,pintofbeer
Everymorning:ten-milewalk
GotobednolaterthanIIo’clockeachnightanddon’treadbooksaboutthingsyoudon’tunderstand.
Ifollowedthedoctor’sprescription.Itsavedmylife.Inowfeelratherwell,exceptformyliverproblem.Themainsymptomofliverdiseaseis‘ageneralfeelingofsleepinessandnointerestinworking.’
IhavesufferedfromthisillnesseversinceIwasaboy.Medicalsciencewasnotadvancedinthosedays.DoctorsdidnotknowthatIhadliverillness.TheythoughtIwaslazy.Peoplecalledme‘alazylittledevil’,andsaid,‘goanddoyourwork.’TheydidnotknowIwasillwithliverdisease.Insteadofgivingmeliverpills,theygavemeblowsonthehead.Thoseblowsweregoodforme,becauseaftereachblowIwenttodomywork.Thatoldremedyworkedbetterthanaboxofmodernpills.
Thatevening,George,WilliamHarrisandIsatinmyroom.Wedescribedourillnesses.IexplainedtoGeorgeandWilliamHarrishowIfeltinthemorning.WilliamHarristoldushowhefeltwhenhewenttobed.ThenGeorgestoodup,andtoldushowhefeltatnight.
Georgealwaysthinksheisill,butthereisreallynothingwrongwithhim.
Atthatmoment,MrsPoppets,thehousekeeper,Iservedourdinner.Wewerenothungry.Weatesomemeat,onionsandcake.Wehadnointerestinfood.
Webegantalkingaboutourillnessesagain.Weallknewthatourillnesseswerecausedbytoomuchwork.
‘Weneedarest,’saidHarris.
‘Arestandachange,’Georgeadded.‘Ourmindsaretiredfromtoomuchwork.Wemustrestourminds.’
‘Let’sgotothecountryside!’Isaid.‘We’llfindanice,quietplace,withnopeople.’
Harrissaid,‘Oh,howboring!Inthecountryeveryonegoestobedateighto’clock.Youcan’tevenfindanewspaper!Ifyouwantarestandachange,thenthebestplaceisthesea.’
‘Whataterribleidea!’Isaid.‘Aseatripgivesyouseasickness.Whowantsawholeweekofseasickness?YouleaveonMondayandyou’refeelingwell.OnTuesdayyoufeelworse.ThenonWednesdayyou’rereallysick.OnThursdayandFridayyou’realmostdead.OnSaturdayyoucanfinallydrinkafewteaspoonsoftea.OnSundayyoucanwalkagainandeatsomefood.ThenonMondayyou’rehappy,becauseit’stimetogetofftheboat.’
SoGeorgesaid,‘Let’sgouptheriver.We’llhavefreshairandquietontheriver.Thehardworkontheboatwillmakeushungry,sowe’llenjoyourfood.We’llbesotiredattheendoftheday,thatwe’llsleepwell.’
Harrissaid,‘Youdon’thaveanytroublesleeping,George.Thereareonlytwenty-fourhoursintheday,andyousleepmostofthattime.Ifyousleepanymore,you’redead!However,IlikeyourideaofaholidayontheRiverThames.’
Ilikedittoo.Georgewassurprisedthatwebothlikedhisidea.Theonlyonewhodidn’tliketheideawasMontmorency,myfox-terrier.Helookedatuswithhisbigeyes.
‘Youliketheidea,butIdon’t,’hisfacesaid.‘Ontheriverthere’snothingformetodo.Idon’tlikelookingatthetrees.Icertainlydon’tsmoke.IfIseearat,youwon’tstoptheboatsoIcanrunafterit.WhenI’masleep,you’llprobablyrocktheboat,andI’llfallintotheriver.Thewholeideaisstupid.’
Wewerethreetoone.Sowedecidedtogoontherivertrip.
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