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Daybroke,greyandchill.Theboatwasclose-hauledonafreshbreezeandthecompassindicatedthatwewerejustmakingthecoursewhichwouldbringustoJapan.
Thoughstoutlymittened,myfingerswerecold,andtheypainedfromthegriponthesteering-oar.
Myfeetwerestingingfromthebiteofthefrost,andIhopedferventlythatthesunwouldshine.
Beforeme,inthebottomoftheboat,layMaud.
She,atleast,waswarm,forunderherandoverherwerethickblankets.
ThetoponeIhaddrawnoverherfacetoshelteritfromthenight,soIcouldseenothingbutthevagueshapeofher,andherlight-brownhair,escapedfromthecoveringandjewelledwithmoisturefromtheair.
LongIlookedather,dwellinguponthatonevisiblebitofherasonlyamanwouldwhodeemeditthemostpreciousthingintheworld.
Soinsistentwasmygazethatatlastshestirredundertheblankets,thetopfoldwasthrownbackandshesmiledoutonme,hereyesyetheavywithsleep.
“Good-morning,Mr.VanWeyden,”shesaid.“Haveyousightedlandyet?”
“No,”Ianswered,“butweareapproachingitatarateofsixmilesanhour.”
Shemadeamouèofdisappointment.
“Butthatisequivalenttoonehundredandforty-fourmilesintwenty-fourhours,”Iaddedreassuringly.
Herfacebrightened.“Andhowfarhavewetogo?”
“Siberialiesoffthere,”Isaid,pointingtothewest.“Buttothesouth-west,somesixhundredmiles,isJapan.Ifthiswindshouldhold,we’llmakeitinfivedays.”
“Andifitstorms?Theboatcouldnotlive?”
Shehadawayoflookingoneintheeyesanddemandingthetruth,andthusshelookedatmeassheaskedthequestion.
“Itwouldhavetostormveryhard,”Itemporized.
“Andifitstormsveryhard?”
Inoddedmyhead.“Butwemaybepickedupanymomentbyasealing-schooner.Theyareplentifullydistributedoverthispartoftheocean.”
“Why,youarechilledthrough!”shecried.“Look!Youareshivering.Don’tdenyit;youare.AndhereIhavebeenlyingwarmastoast.”
“Idon’tseethatitwouldhelpmattersifyou,too,satupandwerechilled,”Ilaughed.
“Itwill,though,whenIlearntosteer,whichIcertainlyshall.”
Shesatupandbeganmakinghersimpletoilet.
Sheshookdownherhair,anditfellaboutherinabrowncloud,hidingherfaceandshoulders.Dear,dampbrownhair!
Iwantedtokissit,torippleitthroughmyfingers,toburymyfaceinit.
Igazedentranced,tilltheboatranintothewindandtheflappingsailwarnedmeIwasnotattendingtomyduties.
IdealistandromanticistthatIwasandalwayshadbeeninspiteofmyanalyticalnature,yetIhadfailedtillnowingraspingmuchofthephysicalcharacteristicsoflove.
Theloveofmanandwoman,Ihadalwaysheld,wasasublimatedsomethingrelatedtospirit,aspiritualbondthatlinkedanddrewtheirsoulstogether.
Thebondsofthefleshhadlittlepartinmycosmosoflove.
ButIwaslearningthesweetlessonformyselfthatthesoultransmuteditself,expresseditself,throughtheflesh;thatthesightandsenseandtouchofthelovedone’shairwasasmuchbreathandvoiceandessenceofthespiritasthelightthatshonefromtheeyesandthethoughtsthatfellfromthelips.
Afterall,purespiritwasunknowable,athingtobesensedanddivinedonly;norcoulditexpressitselfintermsofitself.
JehovahwasanthropomorphicbecausehecouldaddresshimselftotheJewsonlyintermsoftheirunderstanding;sohewasconceivedasintheirownimage,asacloud,apillaroffire,atangible,physicalsomethingwhichthemindoftheIsraelitescouldgrasp.
AndsoIgazeduponMaud’slight-brownhair,andlovedit,andlearnedmoreoflovethanallthepoetsandsingershadtaughtmewithalltheirsongsandsonnets.
Sheflungitbackwithasuddenadroitmovement,andherfaceemerged,smiling.
“Whydon’twomenweartheirhairdownalways?”Iasked.“Itissomuchmorebeautiful.”
“Ifitdidn’ttanglesodreadfully,”shelaughed.“There!I’velostoneofmyprecioushair-pins!”
Ineglectedtheboatandhadthesailspillingthewindagainandagain,suchwasmydelightinfollowinghereverymovementasshesearchedthroughtheblanketsforthepin.
Iwassurprised,andjoyfully,thatshewassomuchthewoman,andthedisplayofeachtraitandmannerismthatwascharacteristicallyfemininegavemekeenerjoy.
ForIhadbeenelevatinghertoohighlyinmyconceptsofher,removinghertoofarfromtheplaneofthehuman,andtoofarfromme.
Ihadbeenmakingofheracreaturegoddess-likeandunapproachable.
SoIhailedwithdelightthelittletraitsthatproclaimedheronlywomanafterall,suchasthetossoftheheadwhichflungbackthecloudofhair,andthesearchforthepin.
Shewaswoman,mykind,onmyplane,andthedelightfulintimacyofkind,ofmanandwoman,waspossible,aswellasthereverenceandaweinwhichIknewIshouldalwaysholdher.
Shefoundthepinwithanadorablelittlecry,andIturnedmyattentionmorefullytomysteering.
Iproceededtoexperiment,lashingandwedgingthesteering-oaruntiltheboatheldonfairlywellbythewindwithoutmyassistance.
Occasionallyitcameuptooclose,orfellofftoofreely;butitalwaysrecovereditselfandinthemainbehavedsatisfactorily.
“Andnowweshallhavebreakfast,”Isaid.“Butfirstyoumustbemorewarmlyclad.”
Igotoutaheavyshirt,newfromtheslop-chestandmadefromblanketgoods.
Iknewthekind,sothickandsocloseoftexturethatitcouldresisttherainandnotbesoakedthroughafterhoursofwetting.
Whenshehadslippedthisonoverherhead,Iexchangedtheboy’scapsheworeforaman’scap,largeenoughtocoverherhair,and,whentheflapwasturneddown,tocompletelycoverherneckandears.Theeffectwascharming.
Herfacewasofthesortthatcannotbutlookwellunderallcircumstances.
Nothingcoulddestroyitsexquisiteoval,itswell-nighclassiclines,itsdelicatelystencilledbrows,itslargebrowneyes,clear-seeingandcalm,gloriouslycalm.
Apuff,slightlystrongerthanusual,struckusjustthen.
Theboatwascaughtasitobliquelycrossedthecrestofawave.
Itwentoversuddenly,buryingitsgunwalelevelwiththeseaandshippingabucketfulorsoofwater.
Iwasopeningacanoftongueatthemoment,andIsprangtothesheetandcastitoffjustintime.
Thesailflappedandfluttered,andtheboatpaidoff.
Afewminutesofregulatingsufficedtoputitonitscourseagain,whenIreturnedtothepreparationofbreakfast.
“Itdoesverywell,itseems,thoughIamnotversedinthingsnautical,”shesaid,noddingherheadwithgraveapprovalatmysteeringcontrivance.
“Butitwillserveonlywhenwearesailingbythewind,”Iexplained.“Whenrunningmorefreely,withthewindasternabeam,oronthequarter,itwillbenecessaryformetosteer.”
“ImustsayIdon’tunderstandyourtechnicalities,”shesaid,“butIdoyourconclusion,andIdon’tlikeit.
Youcannotsteernightanddayandforever.
SoIshallexpect,afterbreakfast,toreceivemyfirstlesson.Andthenyoushallliedownandsleep.
We’llstandwatchesjustastheydoonships.”
“Idon’tseehowIamtoteachyou,”Imadeprotest.“Iamjustlearningformyself.
YoulittlethoughtwhenyoutrustedyourselftomethatIhadhadnoexperiencewhateverwithsmallboats.
ThisisthefirsttimeIhaveeverbeeninone.”
“Thenwe’lllearntogether,sir.Andsinceyou’vehadanight’sstartyoushallteachmewhatyouhavelearned.Andnow,breakfast.My!thisairdoesgiveoneanappetite!”
“Nocoffee,”Isaidregretfully,passingherbutteredsea-biscuitsandasliceofcannedtongue.“Andtherewillbenotea,nosoups,nothinghot,tillwehavemadelandsomewhere,somehow.”
Afterthesimplebreakfast,cappedwithacupofcoldwater,Maudtookherlessoninsteering.
InteachingherIlearnedquiteadealmyself,thoughIwasapplyingtheknowledgealreadyacquiredbysailingtheGhostandbywatchingtheboat-steererssailthesmallboats.
Shewasanaptpupil,andsoonlearnedtokeepthecourse,toluffinthepuffsandtocastoffthesheetinanemergency.
Havinggrowntired,apparently,ofthetask,sherelinquishedtheoartome.
Ihadfoldeduptheblankets,butshenowproceededtospreadthemoutonthebottom.Whenallwasarrangedsnugly,shesaid:
“Now,sir,tobed.Andyoushallsleepuntilluncheon.Tilldinner-time,”shecorrected,rememberingthearrangementontheGhost.
WhatcouldIdo?Sheinsisted,andsaid,“Please,please,”whereuponIturnedtheoarovertoherandobeyed.
IexperiencedapositivesensuousdelightasIcrawledintothebedshehadmadewithherhands.
Thecalmandcontrolwhichweresomuchapartofherseemedtohavebeencommunicatedtotheblankets,sothatIwasawareofasoftdreaminessandcontent,andofanovalfaceandbrowneyesframedinafisherman’scapandtossingagainstabackgroundnowofgreycloud,nowofgreysea,andthenIwasawarethatIhadbeenasleep.
Ilookedatmywatch.Itwasoneo’clock.Ihadsleptsevenhours!Andshehadbeensteeringsevenhours!
WhenItookthesteering-oarIhadfirsttounbendhercrampedfingers.
Hermodicumofstrengthhadbeenexhausted,andshewasunableeventomovefromherposition.
IwascompelledtoletgothesheetwhileIhelpedhertothenestofblanketsandchafedherhandsandarms.
“Iamsotired,”shesaid,withaquickintakeofthebreathandasigh,droopingherheadwearily.
Butshestraighteneditthenextmoment.“Nowdon’tscold,don’tyoudarescold,”shecriedwithmockdefiance.
“Ihopemyfacedoesnotappearangry,”Iansweredseriously;“forIassureyouIamnotintheleastangry.”
“N-no,”sheconsidered.“Itlooksonlyreproachful.”
“Thenitisanhonestface,foritlookswhatIfeel.Youwerenotfairtoyourself,nortome.HowcanIevertrustyouagain?”
Shelookedpenitent.“I’llbegood,”shesaid,asanaughtychildmightsayit.“Ipromise—”
“Toobeyasasailorwouldobeyhiscaptain?”
“Yes,”sheanswered.“Itwasstupidofme,Iknow.”
“Thenyoumustpromisesomethingelse,”Iventured.
“Readily.”
“Thatyouwillnotsay,‘Please,please,’toooften;forwhenyoudoyouaresuretooverridemyauthority.”
Shelaughedwithamusedappreciation.She,too,hadnoticedthepoweroftherepeated“please.”
“Itisagoodword—”Ibegan.
“ButImustnotoverworkit,”shebrokein.
Butshelaughedweakly,andherheaddroopedagain.
Ilefttheoarlongenoughtotucktheblanketsaboutherfeetandtopullasinglefoldacrossherface.Alas!shewasnotstrong.
Ilookedwithmisgivingtowardthesouth-westandthoughtofthesixhundredmilesofhardshipbeforeus—ay,ifitwerenoworsethanhardship.
Onthisseaastormmightblowupatanymomentanddestroyus.AndyetIwasunafraid.
Iwaswithoutconfidenceinthefuture,extremelydoubtful,andyetIfeltnounderlyingfear.
Itmustcomeright,itmustcomeright,Irepeatedtomyself,overandoveragain.
Thewindfreshenedintheafternoon,raisingastifferseaandtryingtheboatandmeseverely.
Butthesupplyoffoodandtheninebreakersofwaterenabledtheboattostanduptotheseaandwind,andIheldonaslongasIdared.
ThenIremovedthesprit,tightlyhaulingdownthepeakofthesail,andweracedalongunderwhatsailorscallaleg-of-mutton.
LateintheafternoonIsightedasteamer’ssmokeonthehorizontoleeward,andIknewiteitherforaRussiancruiser,or,morelikely,theMacedoniastillseekingtheGhost.
Thesunhadnotshoneallday,andithadbeenbittercold.
Asnightdrewon,thecloudsdarkenedandthewindfreshened,sothatwhenMaudandIatesupperitwaswithourmittensonandwithmestillsteeringandeatingmorselsbetweenpuffs.
Bythetimeitwasdark,windandseahadbecometoostrongfortheboat,andIreluctantlytookinthesailandsetaboutmakingadragorsea-anchor.
Ihadlearnedofthedevicefromthetalkofthehunters,anditwasasimplethingtomanufacture.
Furlingthesailandlashingitsecurelyaboutthemast,boom,sprit,andtwopairsofspareoars,Ithrewitoverboard.
Alineconnecteditwiththebow,andasitfloatedlowinthewater,practicallyunexposedtothewind,itdriftedlessrapidlythantheboat.
Inconsequenceitheldtheboatbowontotheseaandwind—thesafestpositioninwhichtoescapebeingswampedwhentheseaisbreakingintowhitecaps.
“Andnow?”Maudaskedcheerfully,whenthetaskwasaccomplishedandIpulledonmymittens.
“AndnowwearenolongertravellingtowardJapan,”Ianswered.“Ourdriftistothesouth-east,orsouth-south-east,attherateofatleasttwomilesanhour.”
“Thatwillbeonlytwenty-fourmiles,”sheurged,“ifthewindremainshighallnight.”
“Yes,andonlyonehundredandfortymilesifitcontinuesforthreedaysandnights.”
“Butitwon’tcontinue,”shesaidwitheasyconfidence.“Itwillturnaroundandblowfair.”
“Theseaisthegreatfaithlessone.”
“Butthewind!”sheretorted.“Ihaveheardyougroweloquentoverthebravetrade-wind.”
“IwishIhadthoughttobringWolfLarsen’schronometerandsextant,”Isaid,stillgloomily.
“Sailingonedirection,driftinganotherdirection,tosaynothingofthesetofthecurrentinsomethirddirection,makesaresultantwhichdeadreckoningcannevercalculate.
Beforelongwewon’tknowwherewearebyfivehundredmiles.”
ThenIbeggedherpardonandpromisedIshouldnotbedisheartenedanymore.
AthersolicitationIlethertakethewatchtillmidnight,—itwasthennineo’clock,butIwrappedherinblanketsandputanoilskinaboutherbeforeIlaydown.Isleptonlycat-naps.
Theboatwasleapingandpoundingasitfelloverthecrests,Icouldheartheseasrushingpast,andspraywascontinuallybeingthrownaboard.
Andstill,itwasnotabadnight,Imused—nothingtothenightsIhadbeenthroughontheGhost;nothing,perhaps,tothenightsweshouldgothroughinthiscockle-shell.
Itsplankingwasthree-quartersofaninchthick.
Betweenusandthebottomoftheseawaslessthananinchofwood.
Andyet,Iaverit,andIaveritagain,Iwasunafraid.
ThedeathwhichWolfLarsenandevenThomasMugridgehadmademefear,Inolongerfeared.
ThecomingofMaudBrewsterintomylifeseemedtohavetransformedme.
Afterall,Ithought,itisbetterandfinertolovethantobeloved,ifitmakessomethinginlifesoworthwhilethatoneisnotloathtodieforit.
Iforgetmyownlifeintheloveofanotherlife;andyet,suchistheparadox,IneverwantedsomuchtoliveasrightnowwhenIplacetheleastvalueuponmyownlife.
Ineverhadsomuchreasonforliving,wasmyconcludingthought;andafterthat,untilIdozed,IcontentedmyselfwithtryingtopiercethedarknesstowhereIknewMaudcrouchedlowinthestern-sheets,watchfulofthefoamingseaandreadytocallmeonaninstant’snotice.
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