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Theylunchedslowlyandmeditatively,withmuteintervalsbetweenrushesoftalk;for,thespelloncebroken,theyhadmuchtosay,andyetmomentswhensayingbecamethemereaccompanimenttolongduologuesofsilence.
Archerkeptthetalkfromhisownaffairs,notwithconsciousintentionbutbecausehedidnotwanttomissawordofherhistory;andleaningonthetable,herchinrestingonherclaspedhands,shetalkedtohimoftheyearandahalfsincetheyhadmet.
Shehadgrowntiredofwhatpeoplecalled"society";NewYorkwaskind,itwasalmostoppressivelyhospitable;sheshouldneverforgetthewayinwhichithadwelcomedherback;butafterthefirstflushofnoveltyshehadfoundherself,asshephrasedit,too"different"tocareforthethingsitcaredabout—andsoshehaddecidedtotryWashington,whereonewassupposedtomeetmorevarietiesofpeopleandofopinion.
AndonthewholesheshouldprobablysettledowninWashington,andmakeahomethereforpoorMedora,whohadwornoutthepatienceofallherotherrelationsjustatthetimewhenshemostneededlookingafterandprotectingfrommatrimonialperils.
"ButDr.Carver—aren'tyouafraidofDr.Carver?Ihearhe'sbeenstayingwithyouattheBlenkers'."
Shesmiled."Oh,theCarverdangerisover.Dr.Carverisaverycleverman.Hewantsarichwifetofinancehisplans,andMedoraissimplyagoodadvertisementasaconvert."
"Aconverttowhat?"
"Toallsortsofnewandcrazysocialschemes.
But,doyouknow,theyinterestmemorethantheblindconformitytotradition—somebodyelse'stradition—thatIseeamongourownfriends.
ItseemsstupidtohavediscoveredAmericaonlytomakeitintoacopyofanothercountry."Shesmiledacrossthetable.
"DoyousupposeChristopherColumbuswouldhavetakenallthattroublejusttogototheOperawiththeSelfridgeMerrys?"
Archerchangedcolour."AndBeaufort—doyousaythesethingstoBeaufort?"heaskedabruptly.
"Ihaven'tseenhimforalongtime.ButIusedto;andheunderstands."
"Ah,it'swhatI'vealwaystoldyou;youdon'tlikeus.
AndyoulikeBeaufortbecausehe'ssounlikeus."
Helookedaboutthebareroomandoutatthebarebeachandtherowofstarkwhitevillagehousesstrungalongtheshore."We'redamnablydull.
We'venocharacter,nocolour,novariety.
—Iwonder,"hebrokeout,"whyyoudon'tgoback?"
Hereyesdarkened,andheexpectedanindignantrejoinder.Butshesatsilent,asifthinkingoverwhathehadsaid,andhegrewfrightenedlestsheshouldanswerthatshewonderedtoo.
Atlengthshesaid:"Ibelieveit'sbecauseofyou."
Itwasimpossibletomaketheconfessionmoredispassionately,orinatonelessencouragingtothevanityofthepersonaddressed.
Archerreddenedtothetemples,butdarednotmoveorspeak:itwasasifherwordshadbeensomerarebutterflythattheleastmotionmightdriveoffonstartledwings,butthatmightgatheraflockaboutitifitwereleftundisturbed.
"Atleast,"shecontinued,"itwasyouwhomademeunderstandthatunderthedullnesstherearethingssofineandsensitiveanddelicatethateventhoseImostcaredforinmyotherlifelookcheapincomparison.
Idon'tknowhowtoexplainmyself"—shedrewtogetherhertroubledbrows—"butitseemsasifI'dneverbeforeunderstoodwithhowmuchthatishardandshabbyandbasethemostexquisitepleasuresmaybepaid."
"Exquisitepleasures—it'ssomethingtohavehadthem!"hefeltlikeretorting;buttheappealinhereyeskepthimsilent.
"Iwant,"shewenton,"tobeperfectlyhonestwithyou—andwithmyself.ForalongtimeI'vehopedthischancewouldcome:thatImighttellyouhowyou'vehelpedme,whatyou'vemadeofme—"
Archersatstaringbeneathfrowningbrows.Heinterruptedherwithalaugh."Andwhatdoyoumakeoutthatyou'vemadeofme?"
Shepaledalittle."Ofyou?"
"Yes:forI'mofyourmakingmuchmorethanyoueverwereofmine.I'mthemanwhomarriedonewomanbecauseanotheronetoldhimto."
Herpalenessturnedtoafugitiveflush."Ithought—youpromised—youwerenottosaysuchthingstoday."
"Ah—howlikeawoman!Noneofyouwilleverseeabadbusinessthrough!"
Sheloweredhervoice."ISitabadbusiness—forMay?"
Hestoodinthewindow,drummingagainsttheraisedsash,andfeelingineveryfibrethewistfultendernesswithwhichshehadspokenhercousin'sname.
"Forthat'sthethingwe'vealwaysgottothinkof—haven'twe—byyourownshowing?"sheinsisted.
"Myownshowing?"heechoed,hisblankeyesstillonthesea.
"Orifnot,"shecontinued,pursuingherownthoughtwithapainfulapplication,"ifit'snotworthwhiletohavegivenup,tohavemissedthings,sothatothersmaybesavedfromdisillusionmentandmisery—theneverythingIcamehomefor,everythingthatmademyotherlifeseembycontrastsobareandsopoorbecausenoonetheretookaccountofthem—allthesethingsareashamoradream—"
Heturnedaroundwithoutmovingfromhisplace."Andinthatcasethere'snoreasononearthwhyyoushouldn'tgoback?"heconcludedforher.
Hereyeswereclingingtohimdesperately."Oh,IStherenoreason?"
"Notifyoustakedyourallonthesuccessofmymarriage.
Mymarriage,"hesaidsavagely,"isn'tgoingtobeasighttokeepyouhere."
Shemadenoanswer,andhewenton:"What'stheuse?
Yougavememyfirstglimpseofareallife,andatthesamemomentyouaskedmetogoonwithashamone.It'sbeyondhumanenduring—that'sall."
"Oh,don'tsaythat;whenI'menduringit!"sheburstout,hereyesfilling.
Herarmshaddroppedalongthetable,andshesatwithherfaceabandonedtohisgazeasifintherecklessnessofadesperateperil.
Thefaceexposedherasmuchasifithadbeenherwholeperson,withthesoulbehindit:Archerstooddumb,overwhelmedbywhatitsuddenlytoldhim.
"Youtoo—oh,allthistime,youtoo?"
Foranswer,sheletthetearsonherlidsoverflowandrunslowlydownward.
Halfthewidthoftheroomwasstillbetweenthem,andneithermadeanyshowofmoving.
Archerwasconsciousofacuriousindifferencetoherbodilypresence:hewouldhardlyhavebeenawareofitifoneofthehandsshehadflungoutonthetablehadnotdrawnhisgazeasontheoccasionwhen,inthelittleTwenty–thirdStreethouse,hehadkepthiseyeonitinordernottolookatherface.
Nowhisimaginationspunaboutthehandasabouttheedgeofavortex;butstillhemadenoefforttodrawnearer.
Hehadknownthelovethatisfedoncaressesandfeedsthem;butthispassionthatwascloserthanhisboneswasnottobesuperficiallysatisfied.
Hisoneterrorwastodoanythingwhichmighteffacethesoundandimpressionofherwords;hisonethought,thatheshouldneveragainfeelquitealone.
Butafteramomentthesenseofwasteandruinovercamehim.
Theretheywere,closetogetherandsafeandshutin;yetsochainedtotheirseparatedestiniesthattheymightaswellhavebeenhalftheworldapart.
"What'stheuse—whenyouwillgoback?"hebrokeout,agreathopelessHOWONEARTHCANIKEEPYOU?cryingouttoherbeneathhiswords.
Shesatmotionless,withloweredlids."Oh—Ishan'tgoyet!"
"Notyet?Sometime,then?Sometimethatyoualreadyforesee?"
Atthatsheraisedherclearesteyes."Ipromiseyou:notaslongasyouholdout.Notaslongaswecanlookstraightateachotherlikethis."
Hedroppedintohischair.Whatheranswerreallysaidwas:"Ifyouliftafingeryou'lldrivemeback:backtoalltheabominationsyouknowof,andallthetemptationsyouhalfguess."
Heunderstooditasclearlyasifshehadutteredthewords,andthethoughtkepthimanchoredtohissideofthetableinakindofmovedandsacredsubmission.
"Whatalifeforyou!—"hegroaned.
"Oh—aslongasit'sapartofyours."
"Andmineapartofyours?"
Shenodded.
"Andthat'stobeall—foreitherofus?"
"Well;itISall,isn'tit?"
Atthathesprangup,forgettingeverythingbutthesweetnessofherface.
Sherosetoo,notasiftomeethimortofleefromhim,butquietly,asthoughtheworstofthetaskweredoneandshehadonlytowait;soquietlythat,ashecameclose,heroutstretchedhandsactednotasacheckbutasaguidetohim.
Theyfellintohis,whileherarms,extendedbutnotrigid,kepthimfarenoughofftolethersurrenderedfacesaytherest.
Theymayhavestoodinthatwayforalongtime,oronlyforafewmoments;butitwaslongenoughforhersilencetocommunicateallshehadtosay,andforhimtofeelthatonlyonethingmattered.
Hemustdonothingtomakethismeetingtheirlast;hemustleavetheirfutureinhercare,askingonlythatsheshouldkeepfastholdofit.
"Don't—don'tbeunhappy,"shesaid,withabreakinhervoice,asshedrewherhandsaway;andheanswered:"Youwon'tgoback—youwon'tgoback?"asifitweretheonepossibilityhecouldnotbear.
"Iwon'tgoback,"shesaid;andturningawaysheopenedthedoorandledthewayintothepublicdining–room.
Thestridentschool–teachersweregatheringuptheirpossessionspreparatorytoastragglingflighttothewharf;acrossthebeachlaythewhitesteam–boatatthepier;andoverthesunlitwatersBostonloomedinalineofhaze.
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