English
SIR,—Youhavenotcomeback,asyousaidyouwould.
Nomatter—Iknowthenews,andIwritetotellyouso.
Didyouseeanythingparticularinmyfacewhenyouleftme?
Iwaswondering,inmyownmind,whetherthedayofhisdownfallhadcomeatlast,andwhetheryouwerethechoseninstrumentforworkingit.Youwere,andyouHAVEworkedit.
Youwereweakenough,asIhaveheard,totryandsavehislife.
Ifyouhadsucceeded,Ishouldhavelookeduponyouasmyenemy.
Nowyouhavefailed,Iholdyouasmyfriend.
Yourinquiriesfrightenedhimintothevestrybynight—yourinquiries,withoutyourprivityandagainstyourwill,haveservedthehatredandwreakedthevengeanceofthree-and-twentyvears.Thankyou,sir,inspiteofyourself.
Iowesomethingtothemanwhohasdonethis.HowcanIpaymydebt?
IfIwasayoungwomanstillImightsay,“Come,putyourarmroundmywaist,andkissme,ifyoulike.”
Ishouldhavebeenfondenoughofyoueventogothatlength,andyouwouldhaveacceptedmyinvitation—youwould,sir,twentyyearsago!ButIamanoldwomannow.Well!
Icansatisfyyourcuriosity,andpaymydebtinthatway.
YouHADagreatcuriositytoknowcertainprivateaffairsofminewhenyoucametoseeme—privateaffairswhichallyoursharpnesscouldnotlookintowithoutmyhelp—privateaffairswhichyouhavenotdiscovered,evennow.
YouSHALLdiscoverthem—yourcuriosityshallbesatisfied.
Iwilltakeanytroubletopleaseyou,myestimableyoungfriend!
Youwerealittleboy,Isuppose,intheyeartwenty-seven?
Iwasahandsomeyoungwomanatthattime,livingatOldWelmingham.
Ihadacontemptiblefoolforahusband.
Ihadalsothehonourofbeingacquainted(nevermindhow)withacertaingentleman(nevermindwhom).Ishallnotcallhimbyhisname.WhyshouldI?Itwasnothisown.
Heneverhadaname:youknowthat,bythistime,aswellasIdo.
Itwillbemoretothepurposetotellyouhowheworkedhimselfintomygoodgraces.
Iwasbornwiththetastesofalady,andhegratifiedthem—inotherwords,headmiredme,andhemademepresents.
Nowomancanresistadmirationandpresents—especiallypresents,providedtheyhappentobejustthethingshewants.
Hewassharpenoughtoknowthat—mostmenare.
Naturallyhewantedsomethinginreturn—allmendo.
Andwhatdoyouthinkwasthesomething?Themeresttrifle.
Nothingbutthekeyofthevestry,andthekeyofthepressinsideit,whenmyhusband’sbackwasturned.
OfcourseheliedwhenIaskedhimwhyhewishedmetogethimthekeysinthatprivateway.
Hemighthavesavedhimselfthetrouble—Ididn’tbelievehim.
ButIlikedmypresents,andIwantedmore.
SoIgothimthekeys,withoutmyhusband’sknowledge,andIwatchedhim,withouthisownknowledge.
Once,twice,fourtimesIwatchedhim,andthefourthtimeIfoundhimout.
Iwasneverover-scrupulouswhereotherpeople’saffairswereconcerned,andIwasnotover-scrupulousabouthisaddingonetothemarriagesintheregisteronhisownaccount.
OfcourseIknewitwaswrong,butitdidnoharmtome,whichwasonegoodreasonfornotmakingafussaboutit.
AndIhadnotgotagoldwatchandchain,whichwasanother,stillbetter—andhehadpromisedmeonefromLondononlythedaybefore,whichwasathird,bestofall.
IfIhadknownwhatthelawconsideredthecrimetobe,andhowthelawpunishedit,Ishouldhavetakenpropercareofmyself,andhaveexposedhimthenandthere.
ButIknewnothing,andIlongedforthegoldwatch.
AlltheconditionsIinsistedonwerethatheshouldtakemeintohisconfidenceandtellmeeverything.
Iwasascuriousabouthisaffairsthenasyouareaboutminenow.
Hegrantedmyconditions—why,youwillseepresently.
This,putinshort,iswhatIheardfromhim.
HedidnotwillinglytellmeallthatItellyouhere.
Idrewsomeofitfromhimbypersuasionandsomeofitbyquestions.
Iwasdeterminedtohaveallthetruth,andIbelieveIgotit.
Heknewnomorethananyoneelseofwhatthestateofthingsreallywasbetweenhisfatherandmothertillafterhismother’sdeath.
Thenhisfatherconfessedit,andpromisedtodowhathecouldforhisson.
Hediedhavingdonenothing—nothavingevenmadeawill.Theson(whocanblamehim?)wiselyprovidedforhimself.
HecametoEnglandatonce,andtookpossessionoftheproperty.
Therewasnoonetosuspecthim,andnoonetosayhimnay.
Hisfatherandmotherhadalwayslivedasmanandwife—noneofthefewpeoplewhowereacquaintedwiththemeversupposedthemtobeanythingelse.
Therightpersontoclaimtheproperty(ifthetruthhadbeenknown)wasadistantrelation,whohadnoideaofevergettingit,andwhowasawayatseawhenhisfatherdied.
Hehadnodifficultysofar—hetookpossession,asamatterofcourse.
Buthecouldnotborrowmoneyonthepropertyasamatterofcourse.
Thereweretwothingswantedofhimbeforehecoulddothis.
Onewasacertificateofhisbirth,andtheotherwasacertificateofhisparents’marriage.
Thecertificateofhisbirthwaseasilygot—hewasbornabroad,andthecertificatewasthereindueform.
Theothermatterwasadifficulty,andthatdifficultybroughthimtoOldWelmingham.
ButforoneconsiderationhemighthavegonetoKnowlesburyinstead.
Hismotherhadbeenlivingtherejustbeforeshemetwithhisfather—livingunderhermaidenname,thetruthbeingthatshewasreallyamarriedwoman,marriedinIreland,whereherhusbandhadill-usedher,andhadafterwardsgoneoffwithsomeotherperson.
Igiveyouthisfactongoodauthority—SirFelixmentionedittohissonasthereasonwhyhehadnotmarried.
Youmaywonderwhytheson,knowingthathisparentshadmeteachotheratKnowlesbury,didnotplayhisfirsttrickswiththeregisterofthatchurch,whereitmighthavebeenfairlypresumedhisfatherandmotherweremarried.
ThereasonwasthattheclergymanwhodiddutyatKnowlesburychurch,intheyeareighteenhundredandthree(when,accordingtohisbirthcertificate,hisfatherandmotherOUGHTtohavebeenmarried),wasalivestillwhenhetookpossessionofthepropertyintheNewYearofeighteenhundredandtwenty-seven.
Thisawkwardcircumstanceforcedhimtoextendhisinquiriestoourneighbourhood.
Therenosuchdangerexisted,theformerclergymanatourchurchhavingbeendeadforsomeyears.
OldWelminghamsuitedhispurposeaswellasKnowlesbury.
HisfatherhadremovedhismotherfromKnowlesbury,andhadlivedwithheratacottageontheriver,alittledistancefromourvillage.
Peoplewhohadknownhissolitarywayswhenhewassingledidnotwonderathissolitarywayswhenhewassupposedtobemarried.
Ifhehadnotbeenahideouscreaturetolookat,hisretiredlifewiththeladymighthaveraisedsuspicions;but,asthingswere,hishidinghisuglinessandhisdeformityinthestrictestprivacysurprisednobody.
HelivedinourneighbourhoodtillhecameinpossessionofthePark.
Afterthreeorfourandtwentyyearshadpassed,whowastosay(theclergymanbeingdead)thathismarriagehadnotbeenasprivateastherestofhislife,andthatithadnottakenplaceatOldWelminghamchurch?
So,asItoldyou,thesonfoundourneighbourhoodthesurestplacehecouldchoosetosetthingsrightsecretlyinhisowninterests.
Itmaysurpriseyoutohearthatwhathereallydidtothemarriageregisterwasdoneonthespurofthemoment—doneonsecondthoughts.
Hisfirstnotionwasonlytoteartheleafout(intherightyearandmonth),todestroyitprivately,togobacktoLondon,andtotellthelawyerstogethimthenecessarycertificateofhisfather’smarriage,innocentlyreferringthemofcoursetothedateontheleafthatwasgone.
NobodycouldsayhisfatherandmotherhadNOTbeenmarriedafterthat,andwhether,underthecircumstances,theywouldstretchapointornotaboutlendinghimthemoney(hethoughttheywould),hehadhisanswerreadyatallevents,ifaquestionwaseverraisedabouthisrighttothenameandtheestate.
Butwhenhecametolookprivatelyattheregisterforhimself,hefoundatthebottomofoneofthepagesfortheyeareighteenhundredandthreeablankspaceleft,seeminglythroughtherebeingnoroomtomakealongentrythere,whichwasmadeinsteadatthetopofthenextpage.
Thesightofthischancealteredallhisplans.
Itwasanopportunityhehadneverhopedfor,orthoughtof—andhetookit—youknowhow.
Theblankspace,tohaveexactlytalliedwithhisbirthcertificate,oughttohaveoccurredintheJulypartoftheregister.
ItoccurredintheSeptemberpartinstead.
However,inthiscase,ifsuspiciousquestionswereasked,theanswerwasnothardtofind.
Hehadonlytodescribehimselfasasevenmonths’child.
Iwasfoolenough,whenhetoldmehisstory,tofeelsomeinterestandsomepityforhim—whichwasjustwhathecalculatedon,asyouwillsee.Ithoughthimhardlyused.
Itwasnothisfaultthathisfatherandmotherwerenotmarried,anditwasnothisfather’sandmother’sfaulteither.
AmorescrupulouswomanthanIwas—awomanwhohadnotsetherheartonagoldwatchandchain—wouldhavefoundsomeexcusesforhim.
Atallevents,Iheldmytongue,andhelpedtoscreenwhathewasabout.
Hewassometimegettingtheinktherightcolour(mixingitoverandoveragaininpotsandbottlesofmine),andsometimeafterwardsinpractisingthehandwriting.
Buthesucceededintheend,andmadeanhonestwomanofhismotheraftershewasdeadinhergrave!
Sofar,Idon’tdenythathebehavedhonourablyenoughtomyself.
Hegavememywatchandchain,andsparednoexpenseinbuyingthem;bothwereofsuperiorworkmanship,andveryexpensive.
Ihavegotthemstill—thewatchgoesbeautifully.
YousaidtheotherdaythatMrs.Clementshadtoldyoueverythingsheknew.
InthatcasethereisnoneedformetowriteaboutthetrumperyscandalbywhichIwasthesufferer—theinnocentsufferer,Ipositivelyassert.
YoumustknowaswellasIdowhatthenotionwaswhichmyhusbandtookintohisheadwhenhefoundmeandmyfine-gentlemanacquaintancemeetingeachotherprivatelyandtalkingsecretstogether.
Butwhatyoudon’tknowishowitendedbetweenthatsamegentlemanandmyself.
Youshallreadandseehowhebehavedtome.
ThefirstwordsIsaidtohim,whenIsawtheturnthingshadtaken,were,“Domejustice—clearmycharacterofastainonitwhichyouknowIdon’tdeserve.
Idon’twantyoutomakeacleanbreastofittomyhusband—onlytellhim,onyourwordofhonourasagentleman,thatheiswrong,andthatIamnottoblameinthewayhethinksIam.
Domethatjustice,atleast,afterallIhavedoneforyou.”Heflatlyrefused,insomanywords.
Hetoldmeplainlythatitwashisinteresttoletmyhusbandandallmyneighboursbelievethefalsehood—because,aslongastheydidsotheywerequitecertainnevertosuspectthetruth.
Ihadaspiritofmyown,andItoldhimtheyshouldknowthetruthfrommylips.Hisreplywasshort,andtothepoint.
IfIspoke,Iwasalostwoman,ascertainlyashewasalostman.
Yes!ithadcometothat.
HehaddeceivedmeabouttheriskIraninhelpinghim.
Hehadpractisedonmyignorance,hehadtemptedmewithhisgifts,hehadinterestedmewithhisstory—andtheresultofitwasthathemademehisaccomplice.
Heownedthiscoolly,andheendedbytellingme,forthefirsttime,whatthefrightfulpunishmentreallywasforhisoffence,andforanyonewhohelpedhimtocommitit.
Inthosedaysthelawwasnotsotender-heartedasIhearitisnow.
Murdererswerenottheonlypeopleliabletobehanged,andwomenconvictswerenottreatedlikeladiesinundeserveddistress.
Iconfesshefrightenedme—themeanimpostor!thecowardlyblackguard!DoyouunderstandnowhowIhatedhim?
DoyouunderstandwhyIamtakingallthistrouble—thankfullytakingit—togratifythecuriosityofthemeritoriousyounggentlemanwhohuntedhimdown?
Well,togoon.Hewashardlyfoolenoughtodrivemetodownrightdesperation.
Iwasnotthesortofwomanwhomitwasquitesafetohuntintoacorner—heknewthat,andwiselyquietedmewithproposalsforthefuture.
Ideservedsomereward(hewaskindenoughtosay)fortheserviceIhaddonehim,andsomecompensation(hewassoobligingastoadd)forwhatIhadsuffered.
Hewasquitewilling—generousscoundrel!
—tomakemeahandsomeyearlyallowance,payablequarterly,ontwoconditions.
First,Iwastoholdmytongue—inmyowninterestsaswellasinhis.
Secondly,IwasnottostirawayfromWelminghamwithoutfirstlettinghimknow,andwaitingtillIhadobtainedhispermission.
Inmyownneighbourhood,novirtuousfemalefriendswouldtemptmeintodangerousgossipingatthetea-table.
Inmyownneighbourhood,hewouldalwaysknowwheretofindme.
Ahardcondition,thatsecondone—butIacceptedit.
WhatelsewasItodo?Iwaslefthelpless,withtheprospectofacomingincumbranceintheshapeofachild.WhatelsewasItodo?
Castmyselfonthemercyofmyrunawayidiotofahusbandwhohadraisedthescandalagainstme?Iwouldhavediedfirst.
Besides,theallowanceWASahandsomeone.
Ihadabetterincome,abetterhouseovermyhead,bettercarpetsonmyfloors,thanhalfthewomenwhoturnedupthewhitesoftheireyesatthesightofme.
ThedressofVirtue,inourparts,wascottonprint.Ihadsilk.
SoIacceptedtheconditionsheofferedme,andmadethebestofthem,andfoughtmybattlewithmyrespectableneighboursontheirownground,andwonitincourseoftime—asyousawyourself.
HowIkepthisSecret(andmine)throughalltheyearsthathavepassedfromthattimetothis,andwhethermylatedaughter,Anne,everreallycreptintomyconfidence,andgotthekeepingoftheSecrettoo—arequestions,Idaresay,towhichyouarecurioustofindananswer.Well!mygratituderefusesyounothing.
Iwillturntoafreshpageandgiveyoutheanswerimmediately.
Butyoumustexcuseonething—youmustexcusemybeginning,Mr.Hartright,withanexpressionofsurpriseattheinterestwhichyouappeartohavefeltinmylatedaughter.Itisquiteunaccountabletome.
Ifthatinterestmakesyouanxiousforanyparticularsofherearlylife,ImustreferyoutoMrs.Clements,whoknowsmoreofthesubjectthanIdo.
PrayunderstandthatIdonotprofesstohavebeenatallover-fondofmylatedaughter.
Shewasaworrytomefromfirsttolast,withtheadditionaldisadvantageofbeingalwaysweakinthehead.
Youlikecandour,andIhopethissatisfiesyou.
Thereisnoneedtotroubleyouwithmanypersonalparticularsrelatingtothosepasttimes.
ItwillbeenoughtosaythatIobservedthetermsofthebargainonmyside,andthatIenjoyedmycomfortableincomeinreturn,paidquarterly.
NowandthenIgotawayandchangedthesceneforashorttime,alwaysaskingleaveofmylordandmasterfirst,andgenerallygettingit.
Hewasnot,asIhavealreadytoldyou,foolenoughtodrivemetoohard,andhecouldreasonablyrelyonmyholdingmytongueformyownsake,ifnotforhis.
OneofmylongesttripsawayfromhomewasthetripItooktoLimmeridgetonurseahalf-sisterthere,whowasdying.
Shewasreportedtohavesavedmoney,andIthoughtitaswell(incaseanyaccidenthappenedtostopmyallowance)tolookaftermyowninterestsinthatdirection.
Asthingsturnedout,however,mypainswereallthrownaway,andIgotnothing,becausenothingwastobehad.
IhadtakenAnnetothenorthwithme,havingmywhimsandfancies,occasionally,aboutmychild,andgetting,atsuchtimes,jealousofMrs.Clements’influenceoverher.IneverlikedMrs.Clements.
Shewasapoor,empty-headed,spiritlesswoman—whatyoucallaborndrudge—andIwasnowandthennotaversetoplaguingherbytakingAnneaway.
NotknowingwhatelsetodowithmygirlwhileIwasnursinginCumberland,IputhertoschoolatLimmeridge.
Theladyofthemanor,Mrs.Fairlie(aremarkablyplain-lookingwoman,whohadentrappedoneofthehandsomestmeninEnglandintomarryingher),amusedmewonderfullybytakingaviolentfancytomygirl.
Theconsequencewas,shelearntnothingatschool,andwaspettedandspoiltatLimmeridgeHouse.
Amongotherwhimsandfancieswhichtheytaughtherthere,theyputsomenonsenseintoherheadaboutalwayswearingwhite.
Hatingwhiteandlikingcoloursmyself,Ideterminedtotakethenonsenseoutofherheadassoonaswegothomeagain.
Strangetosay,mydaughterresolute]yresistedme.
WhensheHADgotanotiononcefixedinhermindshewas,likeotherhalf-wittedpeople,asobstinateasamuleinkeepingit.
Wequarrelledfinely,andMrs.Clements,notlikingtoseeit,Isuppose,offeredtotakeAnneawaytoliveinLondonwithher.
IshouldhavesaidYes,ifMrs.Clementshadnotsidedwithmydaughteraboutherdressingherselfinwhite.
ButbeingdeterminedsheshouldNOTdressherselfinwhite,anddislikingMrs.Clementsmorethaneverfortakingpartagainstme,IsaidNo,andmeantNo,andstucktoNo.
Theconsequencewas,mydaughterremainedwithme,andtheconsequenceofthat,initsturn,wasthefirstseriousquarrelthathappenedabouttheSecret.
ThecircumstancetookplacelongafterthetimeIhavejustbeenwritingof.
Ihadbeensettledforyearsinthenewtown,andwassteadilylivingdownmybadcharacterandslowlygaininggroundamongtherespectableinhabitants.
Ithelpedmeforwardgreatlytowardsthisobjecttohavemydaughterwithme.
Herharmlessnessandherfancyfordressinginwhiteexcitedacertainamountofsympathy.
Ileftoffopposingherfavouritewhimonthataccount,becausesomeofthesympathywassure,incourseoftime,tofalltomyshare.Someofitdidfall.
Idatemygettingachoiceofthetwobestsittingstoletinthechurchfromthattime,andIdatetheclergyman’sfirstbowfrommygettingthesittings.
Well,beingsettledinthisway,Ireceivedaletteronemorningfromthathighlyborngentleman(nowdeceased)inanswertooneofmine,warninghim,accordingtoagreement,ofmywishingtoleavethetownforalittlechangeofairandscene.
Theruffianlysideofhimmusthavebeenuppermost,Isuppose,whenhegotmyletter,forhewroteback,refusingmeinsuchabominablyinsolentlanguage,thatIlostallcommandovermyself,andabusedhim,inmydaughter’spresence,as“alowimpostorwhomIcouldruinforlifeifIchosetoopenmylipsandletouthisSecret.”
Isaidnomoreabouthimthanthat,beingbroughttomysensesassoonasthosewordshadescapedmebythesightofmydaughter’sfacelookingeagerlyandcuriouslyatmine.
IinstantlyorderedheroutoftheroomuntilIhadcomposedmyselfagain.
Mysensationswerenotpleasant,Icantellyou,whenIcametoreflectonmyownfolly.
Annehadbeenmorethanusuallycrazyandqueerthatyear,andwhenIthoughtofthechancetheremightbeofherrepeatingmywordsinthetown,andmentioningHISnameinconnectionwiththem,ifinquisitivepeoplegotholdofher,Iwasfinelyterrifiedatthepossibleconsequences.
Myworstfearsformyself,myworstdreadofwhathemightdo,ledmenofartherthanthis.
Iwasquiteunpreparedforwhatreallydidhappenonlythenextday.
Onthatnextday,withoutanywarningtometoexpecthim,hecametothehouse.
Hisfirstwords,andthetoneinwhichhespokethem,surlyasitwas,showedmeplainlyenoughthathehadrepentedalreadyofhisinsolentanswertomyapplication,andthathehadcomeinamightybadtempertotryandsetmattersrightagainbeforeitwastoolate.
Seeingmydaughterintheroomwithme(Ihadbeenafraidtoletheroutofmysightafterwhathadhappenedthedaybefore)heorderedheraway.
Theyneitherofthemlikedeachother,andheventedtheill-temperonHERwhichhewasafraidtoshowtoME.
“Leaveus,”hesaid,lookingatheroverhisshoulder.
ShelookedbackoverHERshoulderandwaitedasifshedidn’tcaretogo.“Doyouhear?”heroaredout,“leavetheroom.”
“Speaktomecivilly,”saysshe,gettingredintheface.
“Turntheidiotout,”sayshe,lookingmyway.
Shehadalwayshadcrazynotionsofherownaboutherdignity,andthatword“idiot“upsetherinamoment.
BeforeIcouldinterfereshesteppeduptohiminafinepassion.
“Begmypardon,directly,”saysshe,“orI’llmakeittheworseforyou.I’llletoutyourSecret.
IcanruinyouforlifeifIchoosetoopenmylips.”Myownwords!
—repeatedexactlyfromwhatIhadsaidthedaybefore—repeated,inhispresence,asiftheyhadcomefromherself.
Hesatspeechless,aswhiteasthepaperIamwritingon,whileIpushedheroutoftheroom.Whenherecoveredhimself——
No!Iamtoorespectableawomantomentionwhathesaidwhenherecoveredhimself.
Mypenisthepenofamemberoftherector’scongregation,andasubscribertothe“WednesdayLecturesonJustificationbyFaith”—howcanyouexpectmetoemployitinwritingbadlanguage?
Suppose,foryourself,theraging,swearingfrenzyofthelowestruffianinEngland,andletusgetontogether,asfastasmaybe,tothewayinwhichitallended.
Itended,asyouprobablyguessbythistime,inhisinsistingonsecuringhisownsafetybyshuttingherup.
Itriedtosetthingsright.Itoldhimthatshehadmerelyrepeated,likeaparrot,thewordsshehadheardmesayandthatsheknewnoparticularswhatever,becauseIhadmentionednone.
Iexplainedthatshehadaffected,outofcrazyspiteagainsthim,toknowwhatshereallydidNOTknow—thatsheonlywantedtothreatenhimandaggravatehimforspeakingtoherashehadjustspoken—andthatmyunluckywordsgaveherjustthechanceofdoingmischiefofwhichshewasinsearch.
Ireferredhimtootherqueerwaysofhers,andtohisownexperienceofthevagariesofhalf-wittedpeople—itwasalltonopurpose—hewouldnotbelievemeonmyoath—hewasabsolutelycertainIhadbetrayedthewholeSecret.
Inshort,hewouldhearofnothingbutshuttingherup.
Underthesecircumstances,Ididmydutyasamother.
“NopauperAsylum,”Isaid,“Iwon’thaveherputinapauperAsylum.APrivateEstablishment,ifyouplease.
Ihavemyfeelingsasamother,andmycharactertopreserveinthetown,andIwillsubmittonothingbutaPrivateEstablishment,ofthesortwhichmygenteelneighbourswouldchooseforafflictedrelativesoftheirown.”Thoseweremywords.
ItisgratifyingtometoreflectthatIdidmyduty.
Thoughneveroverfondofmylatedaughter,Ihadaproperprideabouther.
Nopauperstain—thankstomyfirmnessandresolution—everrestedonMYchild.
Havingcarriedmypoint(whichIdidthemoreeasily,inconsequenceofthefacilitiesofferedbyprivateAsylums),Icouldnotrefusetoadmitthattherewerecertainadvantagesgainedbyshuttingherup.
Inthefirstplace,shewastakenexcellentcareof—beingtreated(asItookcaretomentioninthetown)onthefootingofalady.
Inthesecondplace,shewaskeptawayfromWelmingham,whereshemighthavesetpeoplesuspectingandinquiring,byrepeatingmyownincautiouswords.
Theonlydrawbackofputtingherunderrestraintwasaveryslightone.
WemerelyturnedheremptyboastaboutknowingtheSecretintoafixeddelusion.
Havingfirstspokeninsheercrazyspitefulnessagainstthemanwhohadoffendedher,shewascunningenoughtoseethatshehadseriouslyfrightenedhim,andsharpenoughafterwardstodiscoverthatHEwasconcernedinshuttingherup.
Theconsequencewassheflamedoutintoaperfectfrenzyofpassionagainsthim,goingtotheAsylum,andthefirstwordsshesaidtothenurses,aftertheyhadquietedher,were,thatshewasputinconfinementforknowinghisSecret,andthatshemeanttoopenherlipsandruinhim,whentherighttimecame.
Shemayhavesaidthesamethingtoyou,whenyouthoughtlesslyassistedherescape.
Shecertainlysaidit(asIheardlastsummer)totheunfortunatewomanwhomarriedoursweet-tempered,namelessgentlemanlatelydeceased.
Ifeitheryou,orthatunluckylady,hadquestionedmydaughterclosely,andhadinsistedonherexplainingwhatshereallymeant,youwouldhavefoundherloseallherself-importancesuddenly,andgetvacant,andrestless,andconfused—youwouldhavediscoveredthatIamwritingnothingherebuttheplaintruth.
SheknewthattherewasaSecret—sheknewwhowasconnectedwithit—sheknewwhowouldsufferbyitsbeingknown—andbeyondthat,whateverairsofimportanceshemayhavegivenherself,whatevercrazyboastingshemayhaveindulgedinwithstrangers,shenevertoherdyingdayknewmore.
HaveIsatisfiedyourcuriosity?Ihavetakenpainsenoughtosatisfyitatanyrate.
ThereisreallynothingelseIhavetotellyouaboutmyselformydaughter.
Myworstresponsibilities,sofarasshewasconcerned,werealloverwhenshewassecuredintheAsylum.
Ihadaformofletterrelatingtothecircumstancesunderwhichshewasshutup,givenmetowrite,inanswertooneMissHalcombe,whowascuriousinthematter,andwhomusthaveheardplentyofliesaboutmefromacertaintonguewellaccustomedtothetellingofthesame.
AndIdidwhatIcouldafterwardstotracemyrunawaydaughter,andpreventherfromdoingmischiefbymakinginquiriesmyselfintheneighbourhoodwhereshewasfalselyreportedtohavebeenseen.
Butthese,andothertrifleslikethem,areoflittleornointeresttoyouafterwhatyouhaveheardalready.
Sofar,Ihavewritteninthefriendliestpossiblespirit.ButIcannotclosethisletterwithoutaddingawordhereofseriousremonstranceandreproof,addressedtoyourself.
Inthecourseofyourpersonalinterviewwithme,youaudaciouslyreferredtomylatedaughter’sparentageonthefather’sside,asifthatparentagewasamatterofdoubt.
Thiswashighlyimproperandveryungentlemanlikeonyourpart!
Ifweseeeachotheragain,remember,ifyouplease,thatIwillallownolibertiestobetakenwithmyreputation,andthatthemoralatmosphereofWelmingham(touseafavouriteexpressionofmyfriendtherector’s)mustnotbetaintedbylooseconversationofanykind.
IfyouallowyourselftodoubtthatmyhusbandwasAnne’sfather,youpersonallyinsultmeinthegrossestmanner.
Ifyouhavefelt,andifyoustillcontinuetofeel,anunhallowedcuriosityonthissubject,Irecommendyou,inyourowninterests,tocheckitatonce,andforever.
Onthissideofthegrave,Mr.Hartright,whatevermayhappenontheother,THATcuriositywillneverbegratified.
Perhaps,afterwhatIhavejustsaid,youwillseethenecessityofwritingmeanapology.Doso,andIwillwillinglyreceiveit.
Iwill,afterwards,ifyourwishespointtoasecondinterviewwithme,goastepfarther,andreceiveyou.
Mycircumstancesonlyenablemetoinviteyoutotea—notthattheyareatallalteredfortheworsebywhathashappened.
Ihavealwayslived,asIthinkItoldyou,wellwithinmyincome,andIhavesavedenough,inthelasttwentyyears,tomakemequitecomfortablefortherestofmylife.
ItisnotmyintentiontoleaveWelmingham.
ThereareoneortwolittleadvantageswhichIhavestilltogaininthetown.Theclergymanbowstome—asyousaw.
Heismarried,andhiswifeisnotquitesocivil.
IproposetojointheDorcasSociety,andImeantomaketheclergyman’swifebowtomenext.
Ifyoufavourmewithyourcompany,prayunderstandthattheconversationmustbeentirelyongeneralsubjects.
Anyattemptedreferencetothisletterwillbequiteuseless—Iamdeterminednottoacknowledgehavingwrittenit.
Theevidencehasbeendestroyedinthefire,Iknow,butIthinkitdesirabletoerronthesideofcaution,nevertheless.
Onthisaccountnonamesarementionedhere,norisanysignatureattachedtotheselines:thehandwritingisdisguisedthroughout,andImeantodeliverthelettermyself,undercircumstanceswhichwillpreventallfearofitsbeingtracedtomyhouse.
Youcanhavenopossiblecausetocomplainoftheseprecautions,seeingthattheydonotaffecttheinformationIherecommunicate,inconsiderationofthespecialindulgencewhichyouhavedeservedatmyhands.
Myhourforteaishalf-pastfive,andmybutteredtoastwaitsfornobody.
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