ThedayafterweleftforPolesdeanLodgeSirPercivalwrote,itseems,toMr.Fairlie,tosaythatthenecessaryrepairsandalterationsinhishouseinHampshirewouldoccupyamuchlongertimeincompletionthanhehadoriginallyanticipated.
Theproperestimatesweretobesubmittedtohimassoonaspossible,anditwouldgreatlyfacilitatehisenteringintodefinitearrangementswiththeworkpeople,ifhecouldbeinformedoftheexactperiodatwhichtheweddingceremonymightbeexpectedtotakeplace.
Hecouldthenmakeallhiscalculationsinreferencetotime,besideswritingthenecessaryapologiestofriendswhohadbeenengagedtovisithimthatwinter,andwhocouldnot,ofcourse,bereceivedwhenthehousewasinthehandsoftheworkmen.
TothisletterMr.FairliehadrepliedbyrequestingSirPercivalhimselftosuggestadayforthemarriage,subjecttoMissFairlie’sapproval,whichherguardianwillinglyundertooktodohisbesttoobtain.
thelatterpartofDecember—perhapsthetwenty-second,ortwenty-fourth,oranyotherdaythattheladyandherguardianmightprefer.
Theladynotbeingathandtospeakforherself,herguardianhaddecided,inherabsence,ontheearliestdaymentioned—thetwenty-secondofDecember,andhadwrittentorecallustoLimmeridgeinconsequence.
Afterexplainingtheseparticularstomeataprivateinterviewyesterday,Mr.Fairliesuggested,inhismostamiablemanner,thatIshouldopenthenecessarynegotiationsto-day.
Feelingthatresistancewasuseless,unlessIcouldfirstobtainLaura’sauthoritytomakeit,Iconsentedtospeaktoher,butdeclared,atthesametime,thatIwouldonnoconsiderationundertaketogainherconsenttoSirPercival’swishes.
Mr.Fairliecomplimentedmeonmy“excellentconscience,”muchashewouldhavecomplimentedme,ifhehadbeenoutwalking,onmy“excellentconstitution,”andseemedperfectlysatisfied,sofar,withhavingsimplyshiftedonemorefamilyresponsibilityfromhisownshoulderstomine.
Thecomposure—Imayalmostsay,theinsensibility—whichshehassostrangelyandsoresolutelymaintainedeversinceSirPercivalleftus,wasnotproofagainsttheshockofthenewsIhadtotellher.Sheturnedpaleandtrembledviolently.
Theslightesthintshecouldgivewasenoughforme.Irosetoleavetheroom,andfightherbattleforheratoncewithMr.Fairlie.
“Notaminutetoolate,”Iretorted.“ThequestionoftimeisOURquestion—andtrustme,Laura,totakeawoman’sfulladvantageofit.”
IunclaspedherhandfrommygownwhileIspoke;butsheslippedbothherarmsroundmywaistatthesamemoment,andheldmemoreeffectuallythanever.
“Itwillonlyinvolveusinmoretroubleandmoreconfusion,”shesaid.“Itwillsetyouandmyuncleatvariance,andbringSirPercivalhereagainwithfreshcausesofcomplaint—”
Theyaretheenemiesofourinnocenceandourpeace—theydragusawayfromourparents’loveandoursisters’friendship—theytakeusbodyandsoultothemselves,andfastenourhelplesslivestotheirsastheychainupadogtohiskennel.
Shesmiledsadly,andputherhandkerchiefovermyfacetohideformethebetrayalofmyownweakness—theweaknessofallotherswhichsheknewthatImostdespised.
ButIdidsaymore.IforcedbackthecontemptibletearsthatwerenorelieftoME,andthatonlydistressedHER,andreasonedandpleadedascalmlyasIcould.Itwasofnoavail.
Shemademetwicerepeatthepromisetolivewithherwhenshewasmarried,andthensuddenlyaskedaquestionwhichturnedmysorrowandmysympathyforherintoanewdirection.
Heralteredtone—theabruptmannerinwhichshelookedawayfrommeandhidherfaceonmyshoulder—thehesitationwhichsilencedherbeforeshehadcompletedherquestion,alltoldme,buttooplainly,towhomthehalf-expressedinquirypointed.
Ihesitated.IhadbeenafraidtotellherofhisabsencefromEngland,orofthemannerinwhichmyexertionstoservehisnewhopesandprojectshadconnectedmewithhisdeparture.WhatanswercouldImake?
“Don’ttellhimaboutTHETWENTY-SECOND,”shewhispered.“Promise,Marian—praypromiseyouwillnotevenmentionmynametohimwhenyouwritenext.”
Afteramomentshespokeoncemore,butwithoutturninground,withoutallowingmetocatchthesmallestglimpseofherface.
“Areyougoingtomyuncle’sroom?”sheasked.“WillyousaythatIconsenttowhateverarrangementhemaythinkbest?Nevermindleavingme,Marian.Ishallbebetteraloneforalittlewhile.”
Iwentout.If,assoonasIgotintothepassage,IcouldhavetransportedMr.FairlieandSirPercivalGlydetotheuttermostendsoftheearthbyliftingoneofmyfingers,thatfingerwouldhavebeenraisedwithoutaninstant’shesitation.
Ishouldhavebrokendownaltogetherandburstintoaviolentfitofcrying,ifmytearshadnotbeenallburntupintheheatofmyanger.
Asitwas,IdashedintoMr.Fairlie’sroom—calledtohimasharshlyaspossible,“Lauraconsentstothetwenty-second”—anddashedoutagainwithoutwaitingforawordofanswer.
28th.—ThismorningIreadpoorHartright’sfarewellletteroveragain,adoubthavingcrossedmymindsinceyesterday,whetherIamactingwiselyinconcealingthefactofhisdeparturefromLaura.
TheallusionsinhislettertothepreparationsmadefortheexpeditiontoCentralAmerica,allshowthattheleadersofitknowittobedangerous.
Itisbadenoughtofeelthathisdeparturehasdeprivedusofthefriendofallotherstowhosedevotionwecouldtrustinthehourofneed,ifeverthathourcomesandfindsushelpless;butitisfarworsetoknowthathehasgonefromustofacetheperilsofabadclimate,awildcountry,andadisturbedpopulation.
IalmostdoubtwhetherIoughtnottogoastepfarther,andburntheletteratonce,forfearofitsonedayfallingintowronghands.
ItnotonlyreferstoLauraintermswhichoughttoremainasecretforeverbetweenthewriterandme,butitreiterateshissuspicion—soobstinate,sounaccountable,andsoalarming—thathehasbeensecretlywatchedsinceheleftLimmeridge.
HedeclaresthathesawthefacesofthetwostrangemenwhofollowedhimaboutthestreetsofLondon,watchinghimamongthecrowdwhichgatheredatLiverpooltoseetheexpeditionembark,andhepositivelyassertsthatheheardthenameofAnneCatherickpronouncedbehindhimashegotintotheboat.
Shemaynevercrossmypathagain,butifevershecrossesyours,makebetteruseoftheopportunity,MissHalcombe,thanImadeofit.
Thereisnodangerofmyforgettingthem—mymemoryisonlytooreadytodwellonanywordsofHartright’sthatrefertoAnneCatherick.
Lauraisperfectlyimpassive,perfectlycarelessaboutthequestionofallothersinwhichawoman’spersonalinterestsaremostcloselyboundup.
IfpoorHartrighthadbeenthebaronet,andthehusbandofherfather’schoice,howdifferentlyshewouldhavebehaved!
Howanxiousandcapriciousshewouldhavebeen,andwhatahardtaskthebestofdressmakerswouldhavefoundittopleaseher!
Thelastnewsisthatthealterationsinhishousewilloccupyfromfourtosixmonthsbeforetheycanbeproperlycompleted.
Ifpainters,paperhangers,andupholstererscouldmakehappinessaswellassplendour,IshouldbeinterestedabouttheirproceedingsinLaura’sfuturehome.
Asitis,theonlypartofSirPercival’slastletterwhichdoesnotleavemeasitfoundme,perfectlyindifferenttoallhisplansandprojects,isthepartwhichreferstotheweddingtour.
Heproposes,asLauraisdelicate,andasthewinterthreatenstobeunusuallysevere,totakehertoRome,andtoremaininItalyuntiltheearlypartofnextsummer.
Ifthisplanshouldnotbeapproved,heisequallyready,althoughhehasnoestablishmentofhisownintown,tospendtheseasoninLondon,inthemostsuitablefurnishedhousethatcanbeobtainedforthepurpose.
Puttingmyselfandmyownfeelingsentirelyoutofthequestion(whichitismydutytodo,andwhichIhavedone),I,forone,havenodoubtoftheproprietyofadoptingthefirstoftheseproposals.
Itwillbealongerseparation,intheeventoftheirgoingabroad,thanitwouldbeintheeventoftheirremaininginLondon—butwemustsetagainstthisdisadvantagethebenefittoLaura,ontheotherside,ofpassingthewinterinamildclimate,andmorethanthat,theimmenseassistanceinraisingherspirits,andreconcilinghertohernewexistence,whichthemerewonderandexcitementoftravellingforthefirsttimeinherlifeinthemostinterestingcountryintheworld,mustsurelyafford.
Idreadthebeginningofhernewlifemorethanwordscantell,butIseesomehopeforherifshetravels—noneifsheremainsathome.
Itisstrangetolookbackatthislatestentryinmyjournal,andtofindthatIamwritingofthemarriageandthepartingwithLaura,aspeoplewriteofasettledthing.
Iamaslittleabletorealisetheideawhichthosetwowordsconvey—mymindfeelsalmostasdulledandstunnedbyit—asifwritingofhermarriagewerelikewritingofherdeath.
Afterweaklyputtingitofflastnight,IwasobligedtospeaktoherthismorningofSirPercival’sproposalabouttheweddingtour.
InthefullconvictionthatIshouldbewithherwherevershewent,thepoorchild—forachildsheisstillinmanythings—wasalmosthappyattheprospectofseeingthewondersofFlorenceandRomeandNaples.
Iwasobligedtotellherthatnomantoleratesarival—notevenawomanrival—inhiswife’saffections,whenhefirstmarries,whateverhemaydoafterwards.
Iwasobligedtowarnherthatmychanceoflivingwithherpermanentlyunderherownroof,dependedentirelyonmynotarousingSirPercival’sjealousyanddistrustbystandingbetweenthematthebeginningoftheirmarriage,inthepositionofthechosendepositaryofhiswife’sclosestsecrets.
DropbydropIpouredtheprofaningbitternessofthisworld’swisdomintothatpureheartandthatinnocentmind,whileeveryhigherandbetterfeelingwithinmerecoiledfrommymiserabletask.Itisovernow.
TheyaretogotoItaly,andIamtoarrange,withSirPercival’spermission,formeetingthemandstayingwiththemwhentheyreturntoEngland.
Inotherwords,Iamtoaskapersonalfavour,forthefirsttimeinmylife,andtoaskitofthemanofallotherstowhomIleastdesiretooweaseriousobligationofanykind.Well!
2nd.—Onlookingback,IfindmyselfalwaysreferringtoSirPercivalindisparagingterms.Intheturnaffairshavenowtaken.
DoesthatletterofAnneCatherick’sstillleavealurkingdistrustinmymind,inspiteofSirPercival’sexplanation,andoftheproofinmypossessionofthetruthofit?
Icannotaccountforthestateofmyownfeelings;theonethingIamcertainofis,thatitismyduty—doublymydutynow—nottowrongSirPercivalbyunjustlydistrustinghim.
Ifithasgottobeahabitwithmealwaystowriteofhiminthesameunfavourablemanner,Imustandwillbreakmyselfofthisunworthytendency,eventhoughtheeffortshouldforcemetoclosethepagesofmyjournaltillthemarriageisover!
Ihavebeenlongenoughawayfrommyjournaltocomebacktoitwithahealthierandbettermind,Ihope,sofarasSirPercivalisconcerned.
PoordearLaurahardlyleavesmeforamomentallday,andlastnight,whenneitherofuscouldsleep,shecameandcreptintomybedtotalktomethere.
TheyaretobemarriedatLimmeridgeChurch,andthankHeaven,notoneoftheneighboursistobeinvitedtotheceremony.
Theonlyvisitorwillbeouroldfriend,Mr.Arnold,whoistocomefromPolesdeantogiveLauraaway,herunclebeingfartoodelicatetotrusthimselfoutsidethedoorinsuchinclementweatheraswenowhave.
IfIwerenotdetermined,fromthisdayforth,toseenothingbutthebrightsideofourprospects,themelancholyabsenceofanymalerelativeofLaura’s,atthemostimportantmomentofherlife,wouldmakemeverygloomyandverydistrustfulofthefuture.
ButIhavedonewithgloomanddistrust—thatistosay,Ihavedonewithwritingabouteithertheoneortheotherinthisjournal.
SirPercivalistoarriveto-morrow.Heoffered,incasewewishedtotreathimontermsofrigidetiquette,towriteandaskourclergymantogranthimthehospitalityoftherectory,duringtheshortperiodofhissojournatLimmeridge,beforethemarriage.
Underthecircumstances,neitherMr.FairlienorIthoughtitatallnecessaryforustotroubleourselvesaboutattendingtotriflingformsandceremonies.
Inourwildmoorlandcountry,andinthisgreatlonelyhouse,wemaywellclaimtobebeyondthereachofthetrivialconventionalitieswhichhamperpeopleinotherplaces.
IwrotetoSirPercivaltothankhimforhispoliteoffer,andtobegthathewouldoccupyhisoldrooms,justasusual,atLimmeridgeHouse.
17th.—Hearrivedto-day,looking,asIthought,alittlewornandanxious,butstilltalkingandlaughinglikeamaninthebestpossiblespirits.
Hebroughtwithhimsomereallybeautifulpresentsinjewellery,whichLaurareceivedwithherbestgrace,and,outwardlyatleast,withperfectself-possession.
TheonlysignIcandetectofthestruggleitmustcosthertopreserveappearancesatthistryingtime,expressesitselfinasuddenunwillingness,onherpart,evertobeleftalone.
WhenIwentupstairsto-day,afterlunch,toputonmybonnetforawalk,shevolunteeredtojoinme,andagain,beforedinner,shethrewthedooropenbetweenourtworooms,sothatwemighttalktoeachotherwhileweweredressing.
Thereisafeverishflushinhercheeks,afeverishbrightnessinhereyes,whichhewelcomesasthereturnofherbeautyandtherecoveryofherspirits.
Shetalkedto-dayatdinnerwithagaietyandcarelessnesssofalse,soshockinglyoutofhercharacter,thatIsecretlylongedtosilenceherandtakeheraway.
TheanxietywhichIhadnoticedonhisfacewhenhearrivedtotallydisappearedfromit,andhelooked,eventomyeyes,agoodtenyearsyoungerthanhereallyis.
Therecanbenodoubt—thoughsomestrangeperversitypreventsmefromseeingitmyself—therecanbenodoubtthatLaura’sfuturehusbandisaveryhandsomeman.
Evenbaldness,whenitisonlybaldnessovertheforehead(asinhiscase),isratherbecomingthannotinaman,foritheightenstheheadandaddstotheintelligenceoftheface.
Graceandeaseofmovement,untiringanimationofmanner,ready,pliant,conversationalpowers—alltheseareunquestionablemerits,andallthesehecertainlypossesses.
SurelyMr.Gilmore,ignorantasheisofLaura’ssecret,wasnottoblameforfeelingsurprisedthatsheshouldrepentofhermarriageengagement?
IfIwereasked,atthismoment,tosayplainlywhatdefectsIhavediscoveredinSirPercival,Icouldonlypointouttwo.
One,hisincessantrestlessnessandexcitability—whichmaybecaused,naturallyenough,byunusualenergyofcharacter.
18th.—Feelingwearyanddepressedthismorning,IleftLaurawithMrs.Vesey,andwentoutaloneforoneofmybriskmiddaywalks,whichIhavediscontinuedtoomuchoflate.
Afterhavingbeenouthalfanhour,IwasexcessivelysurprisedtoseeSirPercivalapproachingmefromthedirectionofthefarm.
Whenwemethedidnotwaitformetoaskanyquestions—hetoldmeatoncethathehadbeentothefarmtoinquireifMr.orMrs.Toddhadreceivedanytidings,sincehislastvisittoLimmeridge,ofAnneCatherick.
Doyouhappentoknow,”hecontinued,lookingmeinthefaceveryattentively“iftheartist—Mr.Hartright—isinapositiontogiveusanyfurtherinformation?”
“Verysad,”saidSirPercival,speakinglikeamanwhowasdisappointed,andyet,oddlyenough,lookingatthesametimelikeamanwhowasrelieved.
Iaminexpressiblyannoyedatthefailureofallmyeffortstorestorehertothecareandprotectionwhichshesourgentlyneeds.”
Thistimehereallylookedannoyed.Isaidafewsympathisingwords,andwethentalkedofothersubjectsonourwaybacktothehouse.
SurelyitwassingularlyconsiderateandunselfishofhimtothinkofAnneCatherickontheeveofhismarriage,andtogoallthewaytoTodd’sCornertomakeinquiriesabouther,whenhemighthavepassedthetimesomuchmoreagreeablyinLaura’ssociety?
Consideringthathecanonlyhaveactedfrommotivesofpurecharity,hisconduct,underthecircumstances,showsunusualgoodfeelinganddeservesextraordinarypraise.Well!
Ihadhardlydroppedmyfirsthintinthisdirectionbeforehecaughtmewarmlybythehand,andsaidIhadmadetheveryoffertohimwhichhehadbeen,onhisside,mostanxioustomaketome.
Iwasthecompanionofallotherswhomhemostsincerelylongedtosecureforhiswife,andhebeggedmetobelievethatIhadconferredalastingfavouronhimbymakingtheproposaltolivewithLauraafterhermarriage,exactlyasIhadalwayslivedwithherbeforeit.
WhenIhadthankedhiminhernameandmineforhisconsideratekindnesstobothofus,wepassednexttothesubjectofhisweddingtour,andbegantotalkoftheEnglishsocietyinRometowhichLaurawastobeintroduced.
ThementionoftheCount’sname,andthediscoverythatheandhiswifearelikelytomeetthebrideandbridegroomonthecontinent,putsLaura’smarriage,forthefirsttime,inadistinctlyfavourablelight.
HithertoMadameFoscohaschosentoforgetherobligationsasLaura’sauntoutofsheerspiteagainstthelateMr.Fairlieforhisconductintheaffairofthelegacy.
MadameFoscoinhermaidendayswasoneofthemostimpertinentwomenIevermetwith—capricious,exacting,andvaintothelastdegreeofabsurdity.
Ifherhusbandhassucceededinbringinghertohersenses,hedeservesthegratitudeofeverymemberofthefamily,andhemayhaveminetobeginwith.
HeisthemostintimatefriendofLaura’shusband,andinthatcapacityheexcitesmystrongestinterest.NeitherLauranorIhaveeverseenhim.
AllIknowofhimisthathisaccidentalpresence,yearsago,onthestepsoftheTrinitadelMonteatRome,assistedSirPercival’sescapefromrobberyandassassinationatthecriticalmomentwhenhewaswoundedinthehand,andmightthenextinstanthavebeenwoundedintheheart.
Irememberalsothat,atthetimeofthelateMr.Fairlie’sabsurdobjectionstohissister’smarriage,theCountwrotehimaverytemperateandsensibleletteronthesubject,which,Iamashamedtosay,remainedunanswered.
ItiscertainthatSirPercival’sreceptionofmyventuresomeproposaltolivewithhiswifewasmorethankind,itwasalmostaffectionate.
Ihavealreadydeclaredhimtobehandsome,agreeable,fullofgoodfeelingtowardstheunfortunateandfullofaffectionatekindnesstowardsme.
SirPercivallookedoverhershoulderfamiliarlyatthenewcardwhichhadalreadytransformedMissFairlieintoLadyGlyde—smiledwiththemostodiousself-complacency,andwhisperedsomethinginherear.
Idon’tknowwhatitwas—Laurahasrefusedtotellme—butIsawherfaceturntosuchadeadlywhitenessthatIthoughtshewouldhavefainted.
Allmyoldfeelingsofhostilitytowardshimrevivedontheinstant,andallthehoursthathavepassedsincehavedonenothingtodissipatethem.
Ihavebeenwriting,forthelastfewdays,inatoneoflevitywhich,Heavenknows,isfarenoughfrommyheart,andwhichithasrathershockedmetodiscoveronlookingbackattheentriesinmyjournal.
Apersistentideahasbeenforcingitselfonmyattention,eversincelastnight,thatsomethingwillyethappentopreventthemarriage.Whathasproducedthissingularfancy?
OrhasitbeenunconsciouslysuggestedtomebytheincreasingrestlessnessandirritabilitywhichIhavecertainlyobservedinSirPercival’smannerasthewedding-daydrawsnearerandnearer?Impossibletosay.
Thislastdayhasbeenallconfusionandwretchedness.HowcanIwriteaboutit?—andyet,Imustwrite.Anythingisbetterthanbroodingovermyowngloomythoughts.
KindMrs.Vesey,whomwehavealltoomuchoverlookedandforgottenoflate,innocentlycausedusasadmorningtobeginwith.
Shehasbeen,formonthspast,secretlymakingawarmShetlandshawlforherdearpupil—amostbeautifulandsurprisingpieceofworktobedonebyawomanatherageandwithherhabits.
Thegiftwaspresentedthismorning,andpoorwarm-heartedLauracompletelybrokedownwhentheshawlwasputproudlyonhershouldersbythelovingoldfriendandguardianofhermotherlesschildhood.
Iwashardlyallowedtimetoquietthemboth,oreventodrymyowneyes,whenIwassentforbyMr.Fairlie,tobefavouredwithalongrecitalofhisarrangementsforthepreservationofhisowntranquillityonthewedding-day.
“DearLaura”wastoreceivehispresent—ashabbyring,withheraffectionateuncle’shairforanornament,insteadofapreciousstone,andwithaheartlessFrenchinscriptioninside,aboutcongenialsentimentsandeternalfriendship—“dearLaura”wastoreceivethistendertributefrommyhandsimmediately,sothatshemighthaveplentyoftimetorecoverfromtheagitationproducedbythegiftbeforesheappearedinMr.Fairlie’spresence.
“DearLaura”wastopayhimanotherlittlevisitinherwedding-dressthenextmorning,andtobekindenough,again,nottomakeascene.
“DearLaura”wastolookinoncemore,forthethirdtime,beforegoingaway,butwithoutharrowinghisfeelingsbysayingWHENshewasgoingaway,andwithouttears—“inthenameofpity,inthenameofeverything,dearMarian,thatismostaffectionateandmostdomestic,andmostdelightfullyandcharminglyself-composed,WITHOUTTEARS!
“Iwassoexasperatedbythismiserableselfishtrifling,atsuchatime,thatIshouldcertainlyhaveshockedMr.Fairliebysomeofthehardestandrudesttruthshehaseverheardinhislife,ifthearrivalofMr.ArnoldfromPolesdeanhadnotcalledmeawaytonewdutiesdownstairs.
Thereweredressessenthomethathadbeenforgotten—thereweretrunkstobepackedandunpackedandpackedagain—therewerepresentsfromfriendsfarandnear,friendshighandlow.
Hewasinandoutofdoorsalldaylong,andheseemedtogrowsoinquisitiveonasudden,thathequestionedtheverystrangerswhocameonsmallerrandstothehouse.
Addtoallthis,theoneperpetualthoughtinLaura’smindandmine,thatweweretopartthenextday,andthehauntingdread,unexpressedbyeitherofus,andyeteverpresenttoboth,thatthisdeplorablemarriagemightprovetobetheonefatalerrorofherlifeandtheonehopelesssorrowofmine.
Forthefirsttimeinalltheyearsofourcloseandhappyintercoursewealmostavoidedlookingeachotherintheface,andwerefrained,bycommonconsent,fromspeakingtogetherinprivatethroughthewholeevening.Icandwellonitnolonger.
Whateverfuturesorrowsmaybeinstoreforme,Ishallalwayslookbackonthistwenty-firstofDecemberasthemostcomfortlessandmostmiserabledayofmylife.
Iamwritingtheselinesinthesolitudeofmyownroom,longaftermidnight,havingjustcomebackfromastolenlookatLaurainherprettylittlewhitebed—thebedshehasoccupiedsincethedaysofhergirlhood.
Theglimmerofthenight-lightshowedmethathereyeswereonlypartiallyclosed—thetracesoftearsglistenedbetweenhereye-lids.
Mylittlekeepsake—onlyabrooch—layonthetableatherbedside,withherprayer-book,andtheminiatureportraitofherfatherwhichshetakeswithherwherevershegoes.
Iwaitedamoment,lookingatherfrombehindherpillow,asshelaybeneathme,withonearmandhandrestingonthewhitecoverlid,sostill,soquietlybreathing,thatthefrillonhernight-dressnevermoved—Iwaited,lookingather,asIhaveseenherthousandsoftimes,asIshallneverseeheragain—andthenstolebacktomyroom.Myownlove!
Theonemanwhowouldgivehisheart’slifetoserveyouisfaraway,tossing,thisstormynight,ontheawfulsea.Whoelseislefttoyou?
Nofather,nobrother—nolivingcreaturebutthehelpless,uselesswomanwhowritesthesesadlines,andwatchesbyyouforthemorning,insorrowthatshecannotcompose,indoubtthatshecannotconquer.
THETWENTY-SECONDOFDECEMBER.Seveno’clock.Awild,unsettledmorning.Shehasjustrisen—betterandcalmer,nowthatthetimehascome,thanshewasyesterday.
Inthewhirlandconfusionofmythoughts,Icandetectthatstrangefancyofsomehindrancehappeningtostopthemarriagestillhangingaboutmymind.IsithangingaboutHISmindtoo?
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