English
ItwasonaThursdayintheweek,andnearlyattheendofthethirdmonthofmysojourninCumberland.
Inthemorning,whenIwentdownintothebreakfast-roomattheusualhour,MissHalcombe,forthefirsttimesinceIhadknownher,wasabsentfromhercustomaryplaceatthetable.
MissFairliewasoutonthelawn.Shebowedtome,butdidnotcomein.
Notawordhaddroppedfrommylips,orfromhers,thatcouldunsettleeitherofus—andyetthesameunacknowledgedsenseofembarrassmentmadeusshrinkalikefrommeetingoneanotheralone.
Shewaitedonthelawn,andIwaitedinthebreakfast-room,tillMrs.VeseyorMissHalcombecamein.
HowquicklyIshouldhavejoinedher:howreadilyweshouldhaveshakenhands,andglidedintoourcustomarytalk,onlyafortnightago.
InafewminutesMissHalcombeentered.Shehadapreoccupiedlook,andshemadeherapologiesforbeinglateratherabsently.
“Ihavebeendetained,”shesaid,“byaconsultationwithMr.Fairlieonadomesticmatterwhichhewishedtospeaktomeabout.”
MissFairliecameinfromthegarden,andtheusualmorninggreetingpassedbetweenus.
Herhandstruckcoldertominethanever.
Shedidnotlookatme,andshewasverypale.
EvenMrs.Veseynoticeditwhensheenteredtheroomamomentafter.
“Isupposeitisthechangeinthewind,”saidtheoldlady.“Thewinteriscoming—ah,mylove,thewinteriscomingsoon!”
Inherheartandinmineithadcomealready!
Ourmorningmeal—oncesofullofpleasantgood-humoureddiscussionoftheplansfortheday—wasshortandsilent.
MissFairlieseemedtofeeltheoppressionofthelongpausesintheconversation,andlookedappealinglytohersistertofillthemup.
MissHalcombe,afteronceortwicehesitatingandcheckingherself,inamostuncharacteristicmanner,spokeatlast.
“Ihaveseenyourunclethismorning,Laura,”shesaid.“Hethinksthepurpleroomistheonethatoughttobegotready,andheconfirmswhatItoldyou.Mondayistheday—notTuesday.”
WhilethesewordswerebeingspokenMissFairlielookeddownatthetablebeneathher.
Herfingersmovednervouslyamongthecrumbsthatwerescatteredonthecloth.
Thepalenessonhercheeksspreadtoherlips,andthelipsthemselvestrembledvisibly.
Iwasnottheonlypersonpresentwhonoticedthis.
MissHalcombesawit,too,andatoncesetustheexampleofrisingfromtable.
Mrs.VeseyandMissFairlielefttheroomtogether.
Thekindsorrowfulblueeyeslookedatme,foramoment,withtheprescientsadnessofacomingandalongfarewell.
Ifelttheansweringpanginmyownheart—thepangthattoldmeImustlosehersoon,andloveherthemoreunchangeablyfortheloss.
Iturnedtowardsthegardenwhenthedoorhadclosedonher.
MissHalcombewasstandingwithherhatinherhand,andhershawloverherarm,bythelargewindowthatledouttothelawn,andwaslookingatmeattentively.
“Haveyouanyleisuretimetospare,”sheasked,“beforeyoubegintoworkinyourownroom?”
“Certainly,MissHalcombe.Ihavealwaystimeatyourservice.”
“Iwanttosayawordtoyouinprivate,Mr.Hartright.Getyourhatandcomeoutintothegarden.Wearenotlikelytobedisturbedthereatthishourinthemorning.”
Aswesteppedoutontothelawn,oneoftheunder-gardeners—amerelad—passedusonhiswaytothehouse,withaletterinhishand.MissHalcombestoppedhim.
“Isthatletterforme?”sheasked.
“Nay,miss;it’sjustsaidtobeforMissFairlie,”answeredthelad,holdingouttheletterashespoke.
MissHalcombetookitfromhimandlookedattheaddress.
“Astrangehandwriting,”shesaidtoherself.“WhocanLaura’scorrespondentbe?Wheredidyougetthis?”shecontinued,addressingthegardener.
“Well,miss,”saidthelad,“Ijustgotitfromawoman.”
“Whatwoman?”
“Awomanwellstrickeninage.”
“Oh,anoldwoman.Anyoneyouknew?”
“Icanna’tak’itonmysel’tosaythatshewasotherthanastrangertome.”
“Whichwaydidshego?”
“Thatgate,”saidtheunder-gardener,turningwithgreatdeliberationtowardsthesouth,andembracingthewholeofthatpartofEnglandwithonecomprehensivesweepofhisarm.
“Curious,”saidMissHalcombe;“Isupposeitmustbeabegging-letter.
There,”sheadded,handingtheletterbacktothelad,“takeittothehouse,andgiveittooneoftheservants.
Andnow,Mr.Hartright,ifyouhavenoobjection,letuswalkthisway.”
Sheledmeacrossthelawn,alongthesamepathbywhichIhadfollowedheronthedayaftermyarrivalatLimmeridge.
Atthelittlesummer-house,inwhichLauraFairlieandIhadfirstseeneachother,shestopped,andbrokethesilencewhichshehadsteadilymaintainedwhilewewerewalkingtogether.
“WhatIhavetosaytoyouIcansayhere.”
Withthosewordssheenteredthesummer-house,tookoneofthechairsatthelittleroundtableinside,andsignedtometotaketheother.
Isuspectedwhatwascomingwhenshespoketomeinthebreakfast-room;Ifeltcertainofitnow.
“Mr.Hartright,”shesaid,“Iamgoingtobeginbymakingafrankavowaltoyou.
Iamgoingtosay—withoutphrase-making,whichIdetest,orpayingcompliments,whichIheartilydespise—thatIhavecome,inthecourseofyourresidencewithus,tofeelastrongfriendlyregardforyou.
Iwaspredisposedinyourfavourwhenyoufirsttoldmeofyourconducttowardsthatunhappywomanwhomyoumetundersuchremarkablecircumstances.
Yourmanagementoftheaffairmightnothavebeenprudent,butitshowedtheself-control,thedelicacy,andthecompassionofamanwhowasnaturallyagentleman.
Itmademeexpectgoodthingsfromyou,andyouhavenotdisappointedmyexpectations.”
Shepaused—butheldupherhandatthesametime,asasignthatsheawaitednoanswerfrommebeforesheproceeded.
WhenIenteredthesummer-house,nothoughtwasinmeofthewomaninwhite.
Butnow,MissHalcombe’sownwordshadputthememoryofmyadventurebackinmymind.
Itremainedtherethroughouttheinterview—remained,andnotwithoutaresult.
“Asyourfriend,”sheproceeded,“Iamgoingtotellyou,atonce,inmyownplain,blunt,downrightlanguage,thatIhavediscoveredyoursecret—withouthelporhint,mind,fromanyoneelse.
Mr.Hartright,youhavethoughtlesslyallowedyour-selftoformanattachment—aseriousanddevotedattachmentIamafraid—tomysisterLaura.
Idon’tputyoutothepainofconfessingitinsomanywords,becauseIseeandknowthatyouaretoohonesttodenyit.
Idon’tevenblameyou—Ipityyouforopeningyourhearttoahopelessaffection.
Youhavenotattemptedtotakeanyunderhandadvantage—youhavenotspokentomysisterinsecret.
Youareguiltyofweaknessandwantofattentiontoyourownbestinterests,butofnothingworse.
Ifyouhadacted,inanysinglerespect,lessdelicatelyandlessmodestly,Ishouldhavetoldyoutoleavethehousewithoutaninstant’snotice,oraninstant’sconsultationofanybody.
Asitis,Iblamethemisfortuneofyouryearsandyourposition—Idon’tblameYOU.
Shakehands—Ihavegivenyoupain;Iamgoingtogiveyoumore,butthereisnohelpforit—shakehandswithyourfriend,MarianHalcombe,first.”
Thesuddenkindness—thewarm,high-minded,fearlesssympathywhichmetmeonsuchmercifullyequalterms,whichappealedwithsuchdelicateandgenerousabruptnessstraighttomyheart,myhonour,andmycourage,overcamemeinaninstant.
Itriedtolookatherwhenshetookmyhand,butmyevesweredim.
Itriedtothankher,butmyvoicefailedme.
“Listentome,”shesaid,consideratelyavoidingallnoticeofmylossofself-control.
“Listentome,andletusgetitoveratonce.
ItisarealtruerelieftomethatIamnotobliged,inwhatIhavenowtosay,toenterintothequestion—thehardandcruelquestionasIthinkit—ofsocialinequalities.
Circumstanceswhichwilltryyoutothequick,sparemetheungraciousnecessityofpainingamanwhohaslivedinfriendlyintimacyunderthesameroofwithmyselfbyanyhumiliatingreferencetomattersofrankandstation.
YoumustleaveLimmeridgeHouse,Mr.Hartright,beforemoreharmisdone.
Itismydutytosaythattoyou;anditwouldbeequallymydutytosayit,underpreciselythesameseriousnecessity,ifyouweretherepresentativeoftheoldestandwealthiestfamilyinEngland.
Youmustleaveus,notbecauseyouareateacherofdrawing——”
Shewaitedamoment,turnedherfacefullonme,andreachingacrossthetable,laidherhandfirmlyonmyarm.
“Notbecauseyouareateacherofdrawing,”sherepeated,“butbecauseLauraFairlieisengagedtobemarried.”
Thelastwordwentlikeabullettomyheart.
Myarmlostallsensationofthehandthatgraspedit.Inevermovedandneverspoke.
Thesharpautumnbreezethatscatteredthedeadleavesatourfeetcameascoldtome,onasudden,asifmyownmadhopesweredeadleavestoo,whirledawaybythewindliketherest.Hopes!
Betrothed,ornotbetrothed,shewasequallyfarfromme.
Wouldothermenhaverememberedthatinmyplace?NotiftheyhadlovedherasIdid.
Thepangpassed,andnothingbutthedullnumbingpainofitremained.
IfeltMissHalcombe’shandagain,tighteningitsholdonmyarm—Iraisedmyheadandlookedather.
Herlargeblackeyeswererootedonme,watchingthewhitechangeonmyface,whichIfelt,andwhichshesaw.
“Crushit!”shesaid.“Here,whereyoufirstsawher,crushit!Don’tshrinkunderitlikeawoman.Tearitout;trampleitunderfootlikeaman!”
Thesuppressedvehemencewithwhichshespoke,thestrengthwhichherwill—concentratedinthelookshefixedonme,andintheholdonmyarmthatshehadnotyetrelinquished—communicatedtomine,steadiedme.Webothwaitedforaminuteinsilence.
AttheendofthattimeIhadjustifiedhergenerousfaithinmymanhood—Ihad,outwardlyatleast,recoveredmyself-control.
“Areyouyourselfagain?”
“Enoughmyself,MissHalcombe,toaskyourpardonandhers.Enoughmyselftobeguidedbyyouradvice,andtoprovemygratitudeinthatway,ifIcanproveitinnoother.”
“Youhaveproveditalready,”sheanswered,“bythosewords.
Mr.Hartright,concealmentisatanendbetweenus.
Icannotaffecttohidefromyouwhatmysisterhasunconsciouslyshowntome.
Youmustleaveusforhersake,aswellasforyourown.
Yourpresencehere,yournecessaryintimacywithus,harmlessasithasbeen,Godknows,inallotherrespects,hasunsteadiedherandmadeherwretched.
I,wholoveherbetterthanmyownlife—I,whohavelearnttobelieveinthatpure,noble,innocentnatureasIbelieveinmyreligion—knowbuttoowellthesecretmiseryofself-reproachthatshehasbeensufferingsincethefirstshadowofafeelingdisloyaltohermarriageengagemententeredherheartinspiteofher.
Idon’tsay—itwouldbeuselesstoattempttosayitafterwhathashappened—thatherengagementhaseverhadastrongholdonheraffections.
Itisanengagementofhonour,notoflove;herfathersanctioneditonhisdeathbed,twoyearssince;sheherselfneitherwelcomeditnorshrankfromit—shewascontenttomakeit.
Tillyoucamehereshewasinthepositionofhundredsofotherwomen,whomarrymenwithoutbeinggreatlyattractedtothemorgreatlyrepelledbythem,andwholearntolovethem(whentheydon’tlearntohate!)aftermarriage,insteadofbefore.
Ihopemoreearnestlythanwordscansay—andyoushouldhavetheself-sacrificingcouragetohopetoo—thatthenewthoughtsandfeelingswhichhavedisturbedtheoldcalmnessandtheoldcontenthavenottakenroottoodeeplytobeeverremoved.
Yourabsence(ifIhadlessbeliefinyourhonour,andyourcourage,andyoursense,IshouldnottrusttothemasIamtrustingnow)yourabsencewillhelpmyefforts,andtimewillhelpusallthree.
Itissomethingtoknowthatmyfirstconfidenceinyouwasnotallmisplaced.
Itissomethingtoknowthatyouwillnotbelesshonest,lessmanly,lessconsideratetowardsthepupilwhoserelationtoyourselfyouhavehadthemisfortunetoforget,thantowardsthestrangerandtheoutcastwhoseappealtoyouwasnotmadeinvain.”
Againthechancereferencetothewomaninwhite!
WastherenopossibilityofspeakingofMissFairlieandofmewithoutraisingthememoryofAnneCatherick,andsettingherbetweenuslikeafatalitythatitwashopelesstoavoid?
“TellmewhatapologyIcanmaketoMr.Fairlieforbreakingmyengagement,”Isaid.“Tellmewhentogoafterthatapologyisaccepted.Ipromiseimplicitobediencetoyouandtoyouradvice.”
“Timeiseverywayofimportance,”sheanswered.“YouheardmereferthismorningtoMondaynext,andtothenecessityofsettingthepurpleroominorder.ThevisitorwhomweexpectonMonday——”
Icouldnotwaitforhertobemoreexplicit.
KnowingwhatIknewnow,thememoryofMissFairlie’slookandmanneratthebreakfast-tabletoldmethattheexpectedvisitoratLimmeridgeHousewasherfuturehusband.
Itriedtoforceitback;butsomethingrosewithinmeatthatmomentstrongerthanmyownwill,andIinterruptedMissHalcombe.
“Letmegoto-day,”Isaidbitterly.“Thesoonerthebetter.”
“No,notto-day,”shereplied.“TheonlyreasonyoucanassigntoMr.Fairlieforyourdeparture,beforetheendofyourengagement,mustbethatanunforeseennecessitycompelsyoutoaskhispermissiontoreturnatoncetoLondon.
Youmustwaittillto-morrowtotellhimthat,atthetimewhenthepostcomesin,becausehewillthenunderstandthesuddenchangeinyourplans,byassociatingitwiththearrivalofaletterfromLondon.
Itismiserableandsickeningtodescendtodeceit,evenofthemostharmlesskind—butIknowMr.Fairlie,andifyouonceexcitehissuspicionsthatyouaretriflingwithhim,hewillrefusetoreleaseyou.
SpeaktohimonFridaymorning:occupyyourselfafterwards(forthesakeofyourowninterestswithyouremployer)inleavingyourunfinishedworkinaslittleconfusionaspossible,andquitthisplaceonSaturday.
Itwillbetimeenoughthen,Mr.Hartright,foryou,andforallofus.”
BeforeIcouldassureherthatshemightdependonmyactinginthestrictestaccordancewithherwishes,wewerebothstartledbyadvancingfootstepsintheshrubbery.
Someonewascomingfromthehousetoseekforus!
Ifeltthebloodrushintomycheeksandthenleavethemagain.
Couldthethirdpersonwhowasfastapproachingus,atsuchatimeandundersuchcircumstances,beMissFairlie?
Itwasarelief—sosadly,sohopelesslywasmypositiontowardsherchangedalready—itwasabsolutelyarelieftome,whenthepersonwhohaddisturbedusappearedattheentranceofthesummer-house,andprovedtobeonlyMissFairlie’smaid.
“CouldIspeaktoyouforamoment,miss?”saidthegirl,inratheraflurried,unsettledmanner.
MissHalcombedescendedthestepsintotheshrubbery,andwalkedasideafewpaceswiththemaid.
Leftbymyself,mymindreverted,withasenseofforlornwretchednesswhichitisnotinanywordsthatIcanfindtodescribe,tomyapproachingreturntothesolitudeandthedespairofmylonelyLondonhome.
Thoughtsofmykindoldmother,andofmysister,whohadrejoicedwithhersoinnocentlyovermyprospectsinCumberland—thoughtswhoselongbanishmentfrommyheartitwasnowmyshameandmyreproachtorealiseforthefirsttime—camebacktomewiththelovingmournfulnessofold,neglectedfriends.
Mymotherandmysister,whatwouldtheyfeelwhenIreturnedtothemfrommybrokenengagement,withtheconfessionofmymiserablesecret—theywhohadpartedfrommesohopefullyonthatlasthappynightintheHampsteadcottage!
AnneCatherickagain!EventhememoryofthefarewelleveningwithmymotherandmysistercouldnotreturntomenowunconnectedwiththatothermemoryofthemoonlightwalkbacktoLondon.Whatdiditmean?
WerethatwomanandItomeetoncemore?Itwaspossible,attheleast.DidsheknowthatIlivedinLondon?
Yes;Ihadtoldherso,eitherbeforeorafterthatstrangequestionofhers,whenshehadaskedmesodistrustfullyifIknewmanymenoftherankofBaronet.
Eitherbeforeorafter—mymindwasnotcalmenough,then,torememberwhich.
AfewminuteselapsedbeforeMissHalcombedismissedthemaidandcamebacktome.She,too,lookedflurriedandunsettlednow.
“Wehavearrangedallthatisnecessary,Mr.Hartright,”shesaid.
“Wehaveunderstoodeachother,asfriendsshould,andwemaygobackatoncetothehouse.
Totellyouthetruth,IamuneasyaboutLaura.
Shehassenttosayshewantstoseemedirectly,andthemaidreportsthathermistressisapparentlyverymuchagitatedbyaletterthatshehasreceivedthismorning—thesameletter,nodoubt,whichIsentontothehousebeforewecamehere.”
Weretracedourstepstogetherhastilyalongtheshrubberypath.
AlthoughMissHalcombehadendedallthatshethoughtitnecessarytosayonherside,IhadnotendedallthatIwantedtosayonmine.
FromthemomentwhenIhaddiscoveredthattheexpectedvisitoratLimmeridgewasMissFairlie’sfuturehusband,Ihadfeltabittercuriosity,aburningenviouseagerness,toknowwhohewas.
Itwaspossiblethatafutureopportunityofputtingthequestionmightnoteasilyoffer,soIriskedaskingitonourwaybacktothehouse.
“Nowthatyouarekindenoughtotellmewehaveunderstoodeachother,MissHalcombe,”Isaid,“nowthatyouaresureofmygratitudeforyourforbearanceandmyobediencetoyourwishes,mayIventuretoaskwho”—(Ihesitated—Ihadforcedmyselftothinkofhim,butitwasharderstilltospeakofhim,asherpromisedhusband)—“whothegentlemanengagedtoMissFairlieis?”
Hermindwasevidentlyoccupiedwiththemessageshehadreceivedfromhersister.Sheansweredinahasty,absentway—
“AgentlemanoflargepropertyinHampshire.”
Hampshire!AnneCatherick’snativeplace.Again,andyetagain,thewomaninwhite.ThereWASafatalityinit.
“Andhisname?”Isaid,asquietlyandindifferentlyasIcould.
“SirPercivalGlyde.”
SIR—SirPercival!AnneCatherick’squestion—thatsuspiciousquestionaboutthemenoftherankofBaronetwhomImighthappentoknow—hadhardlybeendismissedfrommymindbyMissHalcombe’sreturntomeinthesummer-house,beforeitwasrecalledagainbyherownanswer.Istoppedsuddenly,andlookedather.
“SirPercivalGlyde,”sherepeated,imaginingthatIhadnotheardherformerreply.
“Knight,orBaronet?”Iasked,withanagitationthatIcouldhidenolonger.
Shepausedforamoment,andthenanswered,rathercoldly—
“Baronet,ofcourse.”
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