First,therewasabelttogoroundeachanimal,andthenaswordtobestuckintoeachbelt,andthenacutlassontheothersidetobalanceit.
Thenapairofpistols,apoliceman'struncheon,severalsetsofhandcuffs,somebandagesandsticking-plaster,andaflaskandasandwich-case.
Whenallwasquiteready,theBadgertookadarklanterninonepaw,graspedhisgreatstickwiththeother,andsaid,'Nowthen,followme!
TheToadwassoanxiousnottobeleftoutthathetookuptheinferiorpositionassignedtohimwithoutamurmur,andtheanimalssetoff.
TheBadgerledthemalongbytheriverforalittleway,andthensuddenlyswunghimselfovertheedgeintoaholeintheriver-bank,alittleabovethewater.
TheMoleandtheRatfollowedsilently,swingingthemselvessuccessfullyintotheholeastheyhadseentheBadgerdo;butwhenitcametoToad'sturn,ofcoursehemanagedtoslipandfallintothewaterwithaloudsplashandasquealofalarm.
Hewashauledoutbyhisfriends,rubbeddownandwrungouthastily,comforted,andsetonhislegs;buttheBadgerwasseriouslyangry,andtoldhimthattheverynexttimehemadeafoolofhimselfhewouldmostcertainlybeleftbehind.
Itwascold,anddark,anddamp,andlow,andnarrow,andpoorToadbegantoshiver,partlyfromdreadofwhatmightbebeforehim,partlybecausehewaswetthrough.
andaterrorseizedhimofbeingleftbehind,aloneinthedarkness,andhe'cameon'withsucharushthatheupsettheRatintotheMoleandtheMoleintotheBadger,andforamomentallwasconfusion.
TheBadgerthoughttheywerebeingattackedfrombehind,and,astherewasnoroomtouseastickoracutlass,drewapistol,andwasonthepointofputtingabulletintoToad.
Whenhefoundoutwhathadreallyhappenedhewasveryangryindeed,andsaid,'NowthistimethattiresomeToadSHALLbeleftbehind!'
ButToadwhimpered,andtheothertwopromisedthattheywouldbeanswerableforhisgoodconduct,andatlasttheBadgerwaspacified,andtheprocessionmovedon;onlythistimetheRatbroughtuptherear,withafirmgripontheshoulderofToad.
Sotheygropedandshuffledalong,withtheirearsprickedupandtheirpawsontheirpistols,tillatlasttheBadgersaid,'WeoughtbynowtobeprettynearlyundertheHall.'
Thensuddenlytheyheard,farawayasitmightbe,andyetapparentlynearlyovertheirheads,aconfusedmurmurofsound,asifpeoplewereshoutingandcheeringandstampingonthefloorandhammeringontables.
Thepassagenowbegantoslopeupwards;theygropedonwardalittlefurther,andthenthenoisebrokeoutagain,quitedistinctthistime,andverycloseabovethem.'Ooo-ray-ooray-oo-ray-ooray!'
theyheard,andthestampingoflittlefeetonthefloor,andtheclinkingofglassesaslittlefistspoundedonthetable.'WHATatimethey'rehaving!'saidtheBadger.'Comeon!'
Theyhurriedalongthepassagetillitcametoafullstop,andtheyfoundthemselvesstandingunderthetrap-doorthatledupintothebutler'spantry.
Hoistingeachotherup,theyfoundthemselvesstandinginthepantry,withonlyadoorbetweenthemandthebanqueting-hall,wheretheirunconsciousenemieswerecarousing.
Atlast,asthecheeringandhammeringslowlysubsided,avoicecouldbemadeoutsaying,'Well,Idonotproposetodetainyoumuchlonger'—(greatapplause)—'butbeforeIresumemyseat'—(renewedcheering)—'Ishouldliketosayonewordaboutourkindhost,Mr.Toad.WeallknowToad!'
'—Letmesingyoualittlesong,'wentonthevoice,'whichIhavecomposedonthesubjectofToad'—(prolongedapplause).
Wellmighttablesandchairsbeupset,andglassandchinabesentcrashingonthefloor,inthepanicofthatterriblemomentwhenthefourHeroesstrodewrathfullyintotheroom!
ThemightyBadger,hiswhiskersbristling,hisgreatcudgelwhistlingthroughtheair;Mole,blackandgrim,brandishinghisstickandshoutinghisawfulwar-cry,'AMole!AMole!'
Rat;desperateanddetermined,hisbeltbulgingwithweaponsofeveryageandeveryvariety;Toad,frenziedwithexcitementandinjuredpride,swollentotwicehisordinarysize,leapingintotheairandemittingToad-whoopsthatchilledthemtothemarrow!'Toadhewenta-pleasuring!'heyelled.'I'LLpleasure'em!'
Theywerebutfourinall,buttothepanic-strickenweaselsthehallseemedfullofmonstrousanimals,grey,black,brownandyellow,whoopingandflourishingenormouscudgels;andtheybrokeandfledwithsquealsofterroranddismay,thiswayandthat,throughthewindows,upthechimney,anywheretogetoutofreachofthoseterriblesticks.
Theaffairwassoonover.Upanddown,thewholelengthofthehall,strodethefourFriends,whackingwiththeirsticksateveryheadthatshoweditself;andinfiveminutestheroomwascleared.
Throughthebrokenwindowstheshrieksofterrifiedweaselsescapingacrossthelawnwerebornefaintlytotheirears;onthefloorlayprostratesomedozenorsooftheenemy,onwhomtheMolewasbusilyengagedinfittinghandcuffs.
TheMolevanishedpromptlythroughawindow;andtheBadgerbadetheothertwosetatableonitslegsagain,pickupknivesandforksandplatesandglassesfromthedebrisonthefloor,andseeiftheycouldfindmaterialsforasupper.'
ToadfeltratherhurtthattheBadgerdidn'tsaypleasantthingstohim,ashehadtotheMole,andtellhimwhatafinefellowhewas,andhowsplendidlyhehadfought;forhewasratherparticularlypleasedwithhimselfandthewayhehadgonefortheChiefWeaselandsenthimflyingacrossthetablewithoneblowofhisstick.
Buthebustledabout,andsodidtheRat,andsoontheyfoundsomeguavajellyinaglassdish,andacoldchicken,atonguethathadhardlybeentouched,sometrifle,andquitealotoflobstersalad;andinthepantrytheycameuponabasketfulofFrenchrollsandanyquantityofcheese,butter,andcelery.
'It'sallover,'hereported.'FromwhatIcanmakeout,assoonasthestoats,whowereverynervousandjumpyalready,heardtheshrieksandtheyellsandtheuproarinsidethehall,someofthemthrewdowntheirriflesandfled.
Theothersstoodfastforabit,butwhentheweaselscamerushingoutuponthemtheythoughttheywerebetrayed;andthestoatsgrappledwiththeweasels,andtheweaselsfoughttogetaway,andtheywrestledandwriggledandpunchedeachother,androlledoverandover,tillmostof'emrolledintotheriver!
'Now,there'sjustonemorethingIwantyoutodo,Mole,beforeyousitdowntoyoursupperalongofus;andIwouldn'ttroubleyouonlyIknowIcantrustyoutoseeathingdone,andIwishIcouldsaythesameofeveryoneIknow.I'dsendRat,ifhewasn'tapoet.
Iwantyoutotakethosefellowsonthefloorthereupstairswithyou,andhavesomebedroomscleanedoutandtidiedupandmadereallycomfortable.
SeethattheysweepUNDERthebeds,andputcleansheetsandpillow-caseson,andturndownonecornerofthebed-clothes,justasyouknowitoughttobedone;andhaveacanofhotwater,andcleantowels,andfreshcakesofsoap,putineachroom.
Andthenyoucangivethemalickinga-piece,ifit'sanysatisfactiontoyou,andputthemoutbytheback-door,andweshan'tseeanymoreofTHEM,Ifancy.
ThegoodnaturedMolepickedupastick,formedhisprisonersupinalineonthefloor,gavethemtheorder'Quickmarch!'
Ithought,onthewhole,theyhadhadlickingenoughforonenight,andtheweasels,whenIputthepointtothem,quiteagreedwithme,andsaidtheywouldn'tthinkoftroublingme.
Theywereverypenitent,andsaidtheywereextremelysorryforwhattheyhaddone,butitwasallthefaultoftheChiefWeaselandthestoats,andifevertheycoulddoanythingforusatanytimetomakeup,wehadonlygottomentionit.
ThentheMolepulledhischairuptothetable,andpitchedintothecoldtongue;andToad,likethegentlemanhewas,putallhisjealousyfromhim,andsaidheartily,'Thankyoukindly,dearMole,forallyourpainsandtroubletonight,andespeciallyforyourclevernessthismorning!'
Sotheyfinishedtheirsupperingreatjoyandcontentment,andpresentlyretiredtorestbetweencleansheets,safeinToad'sancestralhome,wonbackbymatchlessvalour,consummatestrategy,andaproperhandlingofsticks.
Thefollowingmorning,Toad,whohadoverslepthimselfasusual,camedowntobreakfastdisgracefullylate,andfoundonthetableacertainquantityofegg-shells,somefragmentsofcoldandleatherytoast,acoffee-potthree-fourthsempty,andreallyverylittleelse;whichdidnottendtoimprovehistemper,consideringthat,afterall,itwashisownhouse.
ThroughtheFrenchwindowsofthebreakfast-roomhecouldseetheMoleandtheWaterRatsittinginwicker-chairsoutonthelawn,evidentlytellingeachotherstories;roaringwithlaughterandkickingtheirshortlegsupintheair.
TheBadger,whowasinanarm-chairanddeepinthemorningpaper,merelylookedupandnoddedwhenToadenteredtheroom.
ButToadknewhisman,sohesatdownandmadethebestbreakfasthecould,merelyobservingtohimselfthathewouldgetsquarewiththeotherssoonerorlater.
Whenhehadnearlyfinished,theBadgerlookedupandremarkedrathershortly:'I'msorry,Toad,butI'mafraidthere'saheavymorning'sworkinfrontofyou.
ButyouknowIdonotlivetopleasemyself,butmerelytofindoutwhatmyfriendswant,andthentryandarrangeitfor'em,youdearoldBadger!'
'Don'tpretendtobestupiderthanyoureallyare,'repliedtheBadger,crossly;'anddon'tchuckleandsplutterinyourcoffeewhileyou'retalking;it'snotmanners.
WhatImeanis,theBanquetwillbeatnight,ofcourse,buttheinvitationswillhavetobewrittenandgotoffatonce,andyou'vegottowrite'em.
Now,sitdownatthattable—there'sstacksofletter-paperonit,with"ToadHall"atthetopinblueandgold—andwriteinvitationstoallourfriends,andifyousticktoitweshallgetthemoutbeforeluncheon.
'Mestopindoorsandwritealotofrottenlettersonajollymorninglikethis,whenIwanttogoaroundmyproperty,andseteverythingandeverybodytorights,andswaggeraboutandenjoymyself!Certainlynot!
Go,Badger,ordertheBanquet,orderwhatyoulike;thenjoinouryoungfriendsoutsideintheirinnocentmirth,obliviousofmeandmycaresandtoils.
TheBadgerlookedathimverysuspiciously,butToad'sfrank,opencountenancemadeitdifficulttosuggestanyunworthymotiveinthischangeofattitude.
Hequittedtheroom,accordingly,inthedirectionofthekitchen,andassoonasthedoorhadclosedbehindhim,Toadhurriedtothewriting-table.
HeWOULDwritetheinvitations;andhewouldtakecaretomentiontheleadingparthehadtakeninthefight,andhowhehadlaidtheChiefWeaselflat;andhewouldhintathisadventures,andwhatacareeroftriumphhehadtotellabout;andonthefly-leafhewouldsetoutasortofaprogrammeofentertainmentfortheevening—somethinglikethis,ashesketcheditoutinhishead:—
SYNOPSIS—OurPrisonSystem—theWaterwaysofOldEngland—Horse-dealing,andhowtodeal—Property,itsrightsanditsduties—BacktotheLand—ATypicalEnglishSquire.
Theideapleasedhimmightily,andheworkedveryhardandgotallthelettersfinishedbynoon,atwhichhouritwasreportedtohimthattherewasasmallandratherbedraggledweaselatthedoor,inquiringtimidlywhetherhecouldbeofanyservicetothegentlemen.
Toadswaggeredoutandfounditwasoneoftheprisonersofthepreviousevening,veryrespectfulandanxioustoplease.
Hepattedhimonthehead,shovedthebundleofinvitationsintohispaw,andtoldhimtocutalongquickanddeliverthemasfastashecould,andifhelikedtocomebackagainintheevening,perhapstheremightbeashillingforhim,or,again,perhapstheremightn't;andthepoorweaselseemedreallyquitegrateful,andhurriedoffeagerlytodohismission.
Whentheotheranimalscamebacktoluncheon,veryboisterousandbreezyafteramorningontheriver,theMole,whoseconsciencehadbeenprickinghim,lookeddoubtfullyatToad,expectingtofindhimsulkyordepressed.
Instead,hewassouppishandinflatedthattheMolebegantosuspectsomething;whiletheRatandtheBadgerexchangedsignificantglances.
Assoonasthemealwasover,Toadthrusthispawsdeepintohistrouser-pockets,remarkedcasually,'Well,lookafteryourselves,youfellows!Askforanythingyouwant!'
andwasswaggeringoffinthedirectionofthegarden,wherehewantedtothinkoutanideaortwoforhiscomingspeeches,whentheRatcaughthimbythearm.
Toadrathersuspectedwhathewasafter,anddidhisbesttogetaway;butwhentheBadgertookhimfirmlybytheotherarmhebegantoseethatthegamewasup.
Thetwoanimalsconductedhimbetweenthemintothesmallsmoking-roomthatopenedoutoftheentrance-hall,shutthedoor,andputhimintoachair.
Toadsawthathewastrapped.Theyunderstoodhim,theysawthroughhim,theyhadgotaheadofhim.Hispleasantdreamwasshattered.
'No,notONElittlesong,'repliedtheRatfirmly,thoughhisheartbledashenoticedthetremblinglipofthepoordisappointedToad.
'It'snogood,Toady;youknowwellthatyoursongsareallconceitandboastingandvanity;andyourspeechesareallself-praiseand—and—well,andgrossexaggerationand—and——'
'YouknowyouMUSTturnoveranewleafsoonerorlater,andnowseemsasplendidtimetobegin;asortofturning-pointinyourcareer.
'Itwas,tobesure,butasmallthingthatIasked—merelyleavetoblossomandexpandforyetonemoreevening,toletmyselfgoandhearthetumultuousapplausethatalwaysseemstome—somehow—tobringoutmybestqualities.
'Ofcoursenot,'saidtheRat.'And,talkingofweasels,it'sluckywecameuponthatlittleweasel,justashewassettingoutwithToad'sinvitations.
Iconfiscatedthelot,andthegoodMoleisnowsittingintheblueboudoir,fillingupplain,simpleinvitationcards.'
Atlastthehourforthebanquetbegantodrawnear,andToad,whoonleavingtheothershadretiredtohisbedroom,wasstillsittingthere,melancholyandthoughtful.
Atlasthegotup,lockedthedoor,drewthecurtainsacrossthewindows,collectedallthechairsintheroomandarrangedtheminasemicircle,andtookuphispositioninfrontofthem,swellingvisibly.
Thenhebowed,coughedtwice,and,lettinghimselfgo,withupliftedvoicehesang,totheenrapturedaudiencethathisimaginationsoclearlysaw.
Thenhedippedhishairbrushinthewater-jug,partedhishairinthemiddle,andplastereditdownverystraightandsleekoneachsideofhisface;and,unlockingthedoor,wentquietlydownthestairstogreethisguests,whoheknewmustbeassemblinginthedrawing-room.
Alltheanimalscheeredwhenheentered,andcrowdedroundtocongratulatehimandsaynicethingsabouthiscourage,andhiscleverness,andhisfightingqualities;butToadonlysmiledfaintly,andmurmured,'Notatall!'
Otter,whowasstandingonthehearthrug,describingtoanadmiringcircleoffriendsexactlyhowhewouldhavemanagedthingshadhebeenthere,cameforwardwithashout,threwhisarmroundToad'sneck,andtriedtotakehimroundtheroomintriumphalprogress;butToad,inamildway,wasrathersnubbytohim,remarkinggently,ashedisengagedhimself,'Badger'swasthemastermind;theMoleandtheWaterRatborethebruntofthefighting;Imerelyservedintheranksanddidlittleornothing.'
Theanimalswereevidentlypuzzledandtakenabackbythisunexpectedattitudeofhis;andToadfelt,ashemovedfromoneguesttotheother,makinghismodestresponses,thathewasanobjectofabsorbinginteresttoeveryone.
Therewasmuchtalkingandlaughterandchaffamongtheanimals,butthroughitallToad,whoofcoursewasinthechair,lookeddownhisnoseandmurmuredpleasantnothingstotheanimalsoneithersideofhim.
AtintervalshestoleaglanceattheBadgerandtheRat,andalwayswhenhelookedtheywerestaringateachotherwiththeirmouthsopen;andthisgavehimthegreatestsatisfaction.
Someoftheyoungerandlivelieranimals,astheeveningworeon,gotwhisperingtoeachotherthatthingswerenotsoamusingastheyusedtobeinthegoodolddays;andthereweresomeknockingsonthetableandcriesof'Toad!Speech!SpeechfromToad!Song!Mr.Toad'ssong!'
ButToadonlyshookhisheadgently,raisedonepawinmildprotest,and,bypressingdelicaciesonhisguests,bytopicalsmall-talk,andbyearnestinquiriesaftermembersoftheirfamiliesnotyetoldenoughtoappearatsocialfunctions,managedtoconveytothemthatthisdinnerwasbeingrunonstrictlyconventionallines.
Afterthisclimax,thefouranimalscontinuedtoleadtheirlives,sorudelybrokeninuponbycivilwar,ingreatjoyandcontentment,undisturbedbyfurtherrisingsorinvasions.
Toad,afterdueconsultationwithhisfriends,selectedahandsomegoldchainandlocketsetwithpearls,whichhedispatchedtothegaoler'sdaughterwithaletterthateventheBadgeradmittedtobemodest,grateful,andappreciative;andtheengine-driver,inhisturn,wasproperlythankedandcompensatedforallhispainsandtrouble.
UnderseverecompulsionfromtheBadger,eventhebarge-womanwas,withsometrouble,soughtoutandthevalueofherhorsediscreetlymadegoodtoher;thoughToadkickedterriblyatthis,holdinghimselftobeaninstrumentofFate,senttopunishfatwomenwithmottledarmswhocouldn'ttellarealgentlemanwhentheysawone.
Theamountinvolved,itwastrue,wasnotveryburdensome,thegipsy'svaluationbeingadmittedbylocalassessorstobeapproximatelycorrect.
Sometimes,inthecourseoflongsummerevenings,thefriendswouldtakeastrolltogetherintheWildWood,nowsuccessfullytamedsofarastheywereconcerned;anditwaspleasingtoseehowrespectfullytheyweregreetedbytheinhabitants,andhowthemother-weaselswouldbringtheiryoungonestothemouthsoftheirholes,andsay,pointing,'Look,baby!TheregoesthegreatMr.Toad!
Butwhentheirinfantswerefractiousandquitebeyondcontrol,theywouldquietthembytellinghow,iftheydidn'thushthemandnotfretthem,theterriblegreyBadgerwouldupandgetthem.
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