TheRatputoutaneatlittlebrownpaw,grippedToadfirmlybythescruffoftheneck,andgaveagreathoistandapull;andthewater-loggedToadcameupslowlybutsurelyovertheedgeofthehole,tillatlasthestoodsafeandsoundinthehall,streakedwithmudandweedtobesure,andwiththewaterstreamingoffhim,buthappyandhigh-spiritedasofold,nowthathefoundhimselfoncemoreinthehouseofafriend,anddodgingsandevasionswereover,andhecouldlayasideadisguisethatwasunworthyofhispositionandwantedsuchalotoflivingupto.
Humbuggedeverybody—made'emalldoexactlywhatIwanted!Oh,IAMasmartToad,andnomistake!Whatdoyouthinkmylastexploitwas?JustholdontillItellyou——'
'Toad,'saidtheWaterRat,gravelyandfirmly,'yougooffupstairsatonce,andtakeoffthatoldcottonragthatlooksasifitmightformerlyhavebelongedtosomewasherwoman,andcleanyourselfthoroughly,andputonsomeofmyclothes,andtryandcomedownlookinglikeagentlemanifyouCAN;foramoreshabby,bedraggled,disreputable-lookingobjectthanyouareIneverseteyesoninmywholelife!
Hehadhadenoughofbeingorderedaboutwhenhewasinprison,andherewasthethingbeingbegunalloveragain,apparently;andbyaRat,too!
However,hecaughtsightofhimselfinthelooking-glassoverthehat-stand,withtherustyblackbonnetperchedrakishlyoveroneeye,andhechangedhismindandwentveryquicklyandhumblyupstairstotheRat'sdressing-room.
Therehehadathoroughwashandbrush-up,changedhisclothes,andstoodforalongtimebeforetheglass,contemplatinghimselfwithprideandpleasure,andthinkingwhatutteridiotsallthepeoplemusthavebeentohaveevermistakenhimforonemomentforawasherwoman.
Bythetimehecamedownagainluncheonwasonthetable,andverygladToadwastoseeit,forhehadbeenthroughsometryingexperiencesandhadtakenmuchhardexercisesincetheexcellentbreakfastprovidedforhimbythegipsy.
WhiletheyateToadtoldtheRatallhisadventures,dwellingchieflyonhisowncleverness,andpresenceofmindinemergencies,andcunningintightplaces;andrathermakingoutthathehadbeenhavingagayandhighly-colouredexperience.
WhenatlastToadhadtalkedhimselftoastandstill,therewassilenceforawhile;andthentheRatsaid,'Now,Toady,Idon'twanttogiveyoupain,afterallyou'vebeenthroughalready;but,seriously,don'tyouseewhatanawfulassyou'vebeenmakingofyourself?
Onyourownadmissionyouhavebeenhandcuffed,imprisoned,starved,chased,terrifiedoutofyourlife,insulted,jeeredat,andignominiouslyflungintothewater—byawoman,too!Where'stheamusementinthat?Wheredoesthefuncomein?
Beacripple,ifyouthinkit'sexciting;beabankrupt,forachange,ifyou'vesetyourmindonit:butwhychoosetobeaconvict?
Doyousupposeit'sanypleasuretome,forinstance,tohearanimalssaying,asIgoabout,thatI'mthechapthatkeepscompanywithgaol-birds?'
Now,itwasaverycomfortingpointinToad'scharacterthathewasathoroughlygood-heartedanimalandnevermindedbeingjawedbythosewhowerehisrealfriends.
Soalthough,whiletheRatwastalkingsoseriously,hekeptsayingtohimselfmutinously,'ButitWASfun,though!Awfulfun!'
andmakingstrangesuppressednoisesinsidehim,k-i-ck-ck-ck,andpoop-p-p,andothersoundsresemblingstifledsnorts,ortheopeningofsoda-waterbottles,yetwhentheRathadquitefinished,heheavedadeepsighandsaid,verynicelyandhumbly,'Quiteright,Ratty!HowSOUNDyoualwaysare!
Thefactis,whileIwashangingontotheedgeofyourholeandgettingmybreath,Ihadasuddenidea—areallybrilliantidea—connectedwithmotor-boats—there,there!
We'llhaveourcoffee,ANDasmoke,andaquietchat,andthenI'mgoingtostrollquietlydowntoToadHall,andgetintoclothesofmyown,andsetthingsgoingagainontheoldlines.I'vehadenoughofadventures.
Ishallleadaquiet,steady,respectablelife,potteringaboutmyproperty,andimprovingit,anddoingalittlelandscapegardeningattimes.
Therewillalwaysbeabitofdinnerformyfriendswhentheycometoseeme;andIshallkeepapony-chaisetojogaboutthecountryin,justasIusedtointhegoodolddays,beforeIgotrestless,andwantedtoDOthings.'
'StrollquietlydowntoToadHall?'criedtheRat,greatlyexcited.'Whatareyoutalkingabout?Doyoumeantosayyouhaven'tHEARD?'
'Doyoumeantotellme,'shoutedtheRat,thumpingwithhislittlefistuponthetable,'thatyou'veheardnothingabouttheStoatsandWeasels?'
Toadleanedhiselbowsonthetable,andhischinonhispaws;andalargetearwelledupineachofhiseyes,overflowedandsplashedonthetable,plop!plop!
'Whenyou—got—intothat—that—troubleofyours,'saidtheRat,slowlyandimpressively;'Imean,whenyou—disappearedfromsocietyforatime,overthatmisunderstandingabouta—amachine,youknow—'
'Well,itwasagooddealtalkedaboutdownhere,naturally,'continuedtheRat,'notonlyalongtheriver-side,butevenintheWildWood.Animalstooksides,asalwayshappens.
TheRiver-bankersstuckupforyou,andsaidyouhadbeeninfamouslytreated,andtherewasnojusticetobehadinthelandnowadays.
'Theysaidthatnocriminallawshadeverbeenknowntoprevailagainstcheekandplausibilitysuchasyours,combinedwiththepowerofalongpurse.
SotheyarrangedtomovetheirthingsintoToadHall,andsleepthere,andkeepitaired,andhaveitallreadyforyouwhenyouturnedup.
Onedarknight—itwasaVERYdarknight,andblowinghard,too,andrainingsimplycatsanddogs—abandofweasels,armedtotheteeth,creptsilentlyupthecarriage-drivetothefrontentrance.
Simultaneously,abodyofdesperateferrets,advancingthroughthekitchen-garden,possessedthemselvesofthebackyardandoffices;whileacompanyofskirmishingstoatswhostuckatnothingoccupiedtheconservatoryandthebilliard-room,andheldtheFrenchwindowsopeningontothelawn.
'TheMoleandtheBadgerweresittingbythefireinthesmoking-room,tellingstoriesandsuspectingnothing,foritwasn'tanightforanyanimalstobeoutin,whenthosebloodthirstyvillainsbrokedownthedoorsandrushedinuponthemfromeveryside.
Theytookandbeatthemseverelywithsticks,thosetwopoorfaithfulcreatures,andturnedthemoutintothecoldandthewet,withmanyinsultinganduncalled-forremarks!'
Eatingyourgrub,anddrinkingyourdrink,andmakingbadjokesaboutyou,andsingingvulgarsongs,about—well,aboutprisonsandmagistrates,andpolicemen;horridpersonalsongs,withnohumourinthem.
Hemarchedrapidlydowntheroad,hisstickoverhisshoulder,fumingandmutteringtohimselfinhisanger,tillhegotnearhisfrontgate,whensuddenlytherepoppedupfrombehindthepalingsalongyellowferretwithagun.
'Stuffandnonsense!'saidToad,veryangrily.'Whatdoyoumeanbytalkinglikethattome?Comeoutofthatatonce,orI'll——'
Theferretsaidneveraword,buthebroughthisgunuptohisshoulder.Toadprudentlydroppedflatintheroad,andBANG!abulletwhistledoverhishead.
ThestartledToadscrambledtohisfeetandscamperedoffdowntheroadashardashecould;andasheranheheardtheferretlaughingandotherhorridthinlittlelaughstakingitupandcarryingonthesound.
'WhatdidItellyou?'saidtheRat.'It'snogood.They'vegotsentriesposted,andtheyareallarmed.Youmustjustwait.'
Still,Toadwasnotinclinedtogiveinallatonce.Sohegotouttheboat,andsetoffrowinguptherivertowherethegardenfrontofToadHallcamedowntothewaterside.
HecouldseethewholefrontofToadHall,glowingintheeveningsunshine,thepigeonssettlingbytwosandthreesalongthestraightlineoftheroof;thegarden,ablazeofflowers;thecreekthatleduptotheboat-house,thelittlewoodenbridgethatcrossedit;alltranquil,uninhabited,apparentlywaitingforhisreturn.
TheindignantToadswamtoshore,whilethestoatslaughedandlaughed,supportingeachother,andlaughedagain,tilltheynearlyhadtwofits—thatis,onefiteach,ofcourse.
Headmittedhiserrorsandwrong-headednessandmadeafullapologytoRatforlosinghisboatandspoilinghisclothes.
Andhewoundupbysaying,withthatfrankself-surrenderwhichalwaysdisarmedhisfriend'scriticismandwonthembacktohisside,'Ratty!
Henceforth,believeme,Iwillbehumbleandsubmissive,andwilltakenoactionwithoutyourkindadviceandfullapproval!'
'Ifthatisreallyso,'saidthegood-naturedRat,alreadyappeased,'thenmyadvicetoyouis,consideringthelatenessofthehour,tositdownandhaveyoursupper,whichwillbeonthetableinaminute,andbeverypatient.
ForIamconvincedthatwecandonothinguntilwehaveseentheMoleandtheBadger,andheardtheirlatestnews,andheldconferenceandtakentheiradviceinthisdifficultmatter.'
'Oh,ah,yes,ofcourse,theMoleandtheBadger,'saidToad,lightly.'What'sbecomeofthem,thedearfellows?Ihadforgottenallaboutthem.'
'Whileyouwereridingaboutthecountryinexpensivemotor-cars,andgallopingproudlyonblood-horses,andbreakfastingonthefatoftheland,thosetwopoordevotedanimalshavebeencampingoutintheopen,ineverysortofweather,livingveryroughbydayandlyingveryhardbynight;watchingoveryourhouse,patrollingyourboundaries,keepingaconstanteyeonthestoatsandtheweasels,schemingandplanningandcontrivinghowtogetyourpropertybackforyou.
'Letmegooutandfindthem,outintothecold,darknight,andsharetheirhardships,andtryandproveby——Holdonabit!
TheRatrememberedthatpoorToadhadbeenonprisonfareforaconsiderabletime,andthatlargeallowanceshadthereforetobemade.
Hefollowedhimtothetableaccordingly,andhospitablyencouragedhiminhisgallanteffortstomakeupforpastprivations.
Toadwasnervous,buttheRat,noddingmysteriouslyathim,wentstraightuptothedoorandopenedit,andinwalkedMr.Badger.
Hehadalltheappearanceofonewhoforsomenightshadbeenkeptawayfromhomeandallitslittlecomfortsandconveniences.
Hisshoeswerecoveredwithmud,andhewaslookingveryroughandtouzled;butthenhehadneverbeenaverysmartman,theBadger,atthebestoftimes.
HecamesolemnlyuptoToad,shookhimbythepaw,andsaid,'Welcomehome,Toad!Alas!whatamIsaying?Home,indeed!Thisisapoorhome-coming.UnhappyToad!'
Toadwasquitealarmedatthisveryseriousandportentousstyleofgreeting;buttheRatwhisperedtohim,'Nevermind;don'ttakeanynotice;anddon'tsayanythingtohimjustyet.
TheRat,withanodtoToad,wenttothedoorandusheredintheMole,veryshabbyandunwashed,withbitsofhayandstrawstickinginhisfur.
'Hooray!Here'soldToad!'criedtheMole,hisfacebeaming.'Fancyhavingyoubackagain!'Andhebegantodanceroundhim.
'Well,well,'saidtheMole,movingtowardsthesupper-table;'supposingyoutalkwhileIeat.Notabitesincebreakfast!Omy!Omy!'
Toadstraddledonthehearth-rug,thrusthispawintohistrouser-pocketandpulledoutahandfulofsilver.'Lookatthat!'hecried,displayingit.
'That'snotsobad,isit,forafewminutes'work?AndhowdoyouthinkIdoneit,Mole?Horse-dealing!That'showIdoneit!'
'Anddon'tyouegghimon,Mole,whenyouknowwhatheis;butpleasetellusassoonaspossiblewhatthepositionis,andwhat'sbesttobedone,nowthatToadisbackatlast.'
Sentriespostedeverywhere,gunspokedoutatus,stonesthrownatus;alwaysananimalonthelook-out,andwhentheyseeus,my!howtheydolaugh!That'swhatannoysmemost!'
'It'saverydifficultsituation,'saidtheRat,reflectingdeeply.'ButIthinkIseenow,inthedepthsofmymind,whatToadreallyoughttodo.Iwilltellyou.Heoughtto——'
'No,heoughtn't!'shoutedtheMole,withhismouthfull.'Nothingofthesort!Youdon'tunderstand.Whatheoughttodois,heoughtto——'
Bythistimetheywereallthreetalkingatonce,atthetopoftheirvoices,andthenoisewassimplydeafening,whenathin,dryvoicemadeitselfheard,saying,'Bequietatonce,allofyou!'andinstantlyeveryonewassilent.
Whenhesawthathehadsecuredtheirattention,andthattheywereevidentlywaitingforhimtoaddressthem,heturnedbacktothetableagainandreachedoutforthecheese.
Andsogreatwastherespectcommandedbythesolidqualitiesofthatadmirableanimal,thatnotanotherwordwasuttereduntilhehadquitefinishedhisrepastandbrushedthecrumbsfromhisknees.
WhentheBadgerhadquitedone,hegotupfromhisseatandstoodbeforethefireplace,reflectingdeeply.Atlasthespoke.
Whatdoyouthinkyourfather,myoldfriend,wouldhavesaidifhehadbeenhereto-night,andhadknownofallyourgoingson?'
'Thenit'sallover,'sobbedtheToad,cryingintothesofacushions.'Ishallgoandenlistforasoldier,andneverseemydearToadHallanymore!'
'Come,cheerup,Toady!'saidtheBadger.'Therearemorewaysofgettingbackaplacethantakingitbystorm.Ihaven'tsaidmylastwordyet.NowI'mgoingtotellyouagreatsecret.'
Toadsatupslowlyanddriedhiseyes.Secretshadanimmenseattractionforhim,becausehenevercouldkeepone,andheenjoyedthesortofunhallowedthrillheexperiencedwhenhewentandtoldanotheranimal,afterhavingfaithfullypromisednotto.
'There—is—an—underground—passage,'saidtheBadger,impressively,'thatleadsfromtheriver-bank,quitenearhere,rightupintothemiddleofToadHall.'
'Myyoungfriend,'saidtheBadger,withgreatseverity,'yourfather,whowasaworthyanimal—alotworthierthansomeothersIknow—wasaparticularfriendofmine,andtoldmeagreatdealhewouldn'thavedreamtoftellingyou.
Hediscoveredthatpassage—hedidn'tmakeit,ofcourse;thatwasdonehundredsofyearsbeforeheevercametolivethere—andherepaireditandcleaneditout,becausehethoughtitmightcomeinusefulsomeday,incaseoftroubleordanger;andheshowedittome.
TheotheranimalslookedhardatToadtoseehowhewouldtakeit.Toadwasinclinedtobesulkyatfirst;buthebrightenedupimmediately,likethegoodfellowhewas.
ApopularfellowsuchasIam—myfriendsgetroundme—wechaff,wesparkle,wetellwittystories—andsomehowmytonguegetswagging.Ihavethegiftofconversation.
It'ssomebody'sbirthday—theChiefWeasel's,Ibelieve—andalltheweaselswillbegatheredtogetherinthedining-hall,eatinganddrinkingandlaughingandcarryingon,suspectingnothing.
'—andwhack'em,andwhack'em,andwhack'em!'criedtheToadinecstasy,runningroundandroundtheroom,andjumpingoverthechairs.
'Verywell,then,'saidtheBadger,resuminghisusualdrymanner,'ourplanissettled,andthere'snothingmoreforyoutoargueandsquabbleabout.
Toad,ofcourse,wentofftobeddutifullywiththerest—heknewbetterthantorefuse—thoughhewasfeelingmuchtooexcitedtosleep.
Buthehadhadalongday,withmanyeventscrowdedintoit;andsheetsandblanketswereveryfriendlyandcomfortingthings,afterplainstraw,andnottoomuchofit,spreadonthestonefloorofadraughtycell;andhisheadhadnotbeenmanysecondsonhispillowbeforehewassnoringhappily.
Naturally,hedreamtagooddeal;aboutroadsthatranawayfromhimjustwhenhewantedthem,andcanalsthatchasedhimandcaughthim,andabargethatsailedintothebanqueting-hallwithhisweek'swashing,justashewasgivingadinner-party;andhewasaloneinthesecretpassage,pushingonwards,butittwistedandturnedroundandshookitself,andsatuponitsend;yetsomehow,atthelast,hefoundhimselfbackinToadHall,safeandtriumphant,withallhisfriendsgatheredroundabouthim,earnestlyassuringhimthathereallywasacleverToad.
Heslepttillalatehournextmorning,andbythetimehegotdownhefoundthattheotheranimalshadfinishedtheirbreakfastsometimebefore.
TheBadgersatinthearm-chair,readingthepaper,andnotconcerninghimselfintheslightestaboutwhatwasgoingtohappenthatveryevening.
TheRat,ontheotherhand,wasrunningroundtheroombusily,withhisarmsfullofweaponsofeverykind,distributingtheminfourlittleheapsonthefloor,andsayingexcitedlyunderhisbreath,asheran,'Here's-a-sword-for-the-Rat,here's-a-sword-for-theMole,here's-a-sword-for-the-Toad,here's-a-sword-for-the-Badger!
Here's-a-pistol-for-the-Rat,here's-a-pistol-for-the-Mole,here's-a-pistol-for-the-Toad,here's-a-pistol-for-the-Badger!'
'That'sallverywell,Rat,'saidtheBadgerpresently,lookingatthebusylittleanimalovertheedgeofhisnewspaper;'I'mnotblamingyou.
Butjustletusoncegetpastthestoats,withthosedetestablegunsoftheirs,andIassureyouweshan'twantanyswordsorpistols.
Wefour,withoursticks,oncewe'reinsidethedining-hall,why,weshallclearthefloorofallthelotoftheminfiveminutes.
'It'saswelltobeonthesafeside,'saidtheRatreflectively,polishingapistol-barrelonhissleeveandlookingalongit.
TheToad,havingfinishedhisbreakfast,pickedupastoutstickandswungitvigorously,belabouringimaginaryanimals.'I'lllearn'emtostealmyhouse!'hecried.'I'lllearn'em,I'lllearn'em!'
'WhatareyoualwaysnaggingatToadfor?'inquiredtheBadger,ratherpeevishly.'What'sthematterwithhisEnglish?
'Butwedon'tWANTtoteach'em,'repliedtheBadger.'WewanttoLEARN'em—learn'em,learn'em!Andwhat'smore,we'regoingtoDOit,too!'
Hewasgettingrathermuddledaboutithimself,andpresentlyheretiredintoacorner,wherehecouldbeheardmuttering,'Learn'em,teach'em,teach'em,learn'em!'
PresentlytheMolecametumblingintotheroom,evidentlyverypleasedwithhimself.'I'vebeenhavingsuchfun!'hebeganatonce;'I'vebeengettingariseoutofthestoats!'
Thesentrieswereonthelook-out,ofcourse,withtheirgunsandtheir"Whocomesthere?"andalltherestoftheirnonsense."Goodmorning,gentlemen!"saysI,veryrespectful."Wantanywashingdoneto-day?"
'Theylookedatmeveryproudandstiffandhaughty,andsaid,"Goaway,washerwoman!Wedon'tdoanywashingonduty.""Oranyothertime?"saysI.Ho,ho,ho!Wasn'tIFUNNY,Toad?'
Itwasexactlywhathewouldhavelikedtohavedonehimself,ifonlyhehadthoughtofitfirst,andhadn'tgoneandoverslepthimself.
'Someofthestoatsturnedquitepink,'continuedtheMole,'andtheSergeantincharge,hesaidtome,veryshort,hesaid,"Nowrunaway,mygoodwoman,runaway!
'Icouldseethemprickinguptheirearsandlookingateachother,'wentontheMole;'andtheSergeantsaidtothem,"NevermindHER;shedoesn'tknowwhatshe'stalkingabout."'
Mydaughter,shewashesforMr.Badger,andthat'llshowyouwhetherIknowwhatI'mtalkingabout;andYOU'LLknowprettysoon,too!
Ahundredbloodthirstybadgers,armedwithrifles,aregoingtoattackToadHallthisverynight,bywayofthepaddock.
SixboatloadsofRats,withpistolsandcutlasses,willcomeuptheriverandeffectalandinginthegarden;whileapickedbodyofToads,knownattheDie-hards,ortheDeath-or-GloryToads,willstormtheorchardandcarryeverythingbeforethem,yellingforvengeance.
Therewon'tbemuchleftofyoutowash,bythetimethey'vedonewithyou,unlessyouclearoutwhileyouhavethechance!"
ThenIranaway,andwhenIwasoutofsightIhid;andpresentlyIcamecreepingbackalongtheditchandtookapeepatthemthroughthehedge.
Theywereallasnervousandflusteredascouldbe,runningallwaysatonce,andfallingovereachother,andeveryonegivingorderstoeverybodyelseandnotlistening;andtheSergeantkeptsendingoffpartiesofstoatstodistantpartsofthegrounds,andthensendingotherfellowstofetch'embackagain;andIheardthemsayingtoeachother,"That'sjustliketheweasels;they'retostopcomfortablyinthebanqueting-hall,andhavefeastingandtoastsandsongsandallsortsoffun,whilewemuststayonguardinthecoldandthedark,andintheendbecuttopiecesbybloodthirstyBadgers!'"
'Mole,'saidtheBadger,inhisdry,quietway,'Iperceiveyouhavemoresenseinyourlittlefingerthansomeotheranimalshaveinthewholeoftheirfatbodies.
TheToadwassimplywildwithjealousy,moreespeciallyashecouldn'tmakeoutforthelifeofhimwhattheMolehaddonethatwassoparticularlyclever;but,fortunatelyforhim,beforehecouldshowtemperorexposehimselftotheBadger'ssarcasm,thebellrangforluncheon.
Itwasasimplebutsustainingmeal—baconandbroadbeans,andamacaronipudding;andwhentheyhadquitedone,theBadgersettledhimselfintoanarm-chair,andsaid,'Well,we'vegotourworkcutoutforusto-night,anditwillprobablybeprettylatebeforewe'requitethroughwithit;soI'mjustgoingtotakefortywinks,whileIcan.'
TheanxiousandlaboriousRatatonceresumedhispreparations,andstartedrunningbetweenhisfourlittleheaps,muttering,'Here's-a-belt-for-the-Rat,here's-a-belt-for-theMole,here's-a-belt-for-the-Toad,here's-a-belt-for-the-Badger!'
andsoon,witheveryfreshaccoutrementheproduced,towhichthereseemedreallynoend;sotheMoledrewhisarmthroughToad's,ledhimoutintotheopenair,shovedhimintoawickerchair,andmadehimtellhimallhisadventuresfrombeginningtoend,whichToadwasonlytoowillingtodo.
TheMolewasagoodlistener,andToad,withnoonetocheckhisstatementsortocriticiseinanunfriendlyspirit,ratherlethimselfgo.
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