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TheastonishedreadermustbecalledupontotransporthimselftenthousandmilestothemilitarystationofBundlegunge,intheMadrasdivisionofourIndianempire,whereourgallantoldfriendsofthe—thregimentarequarteredunderthecommandofthebraveColonel,SirMichaelO’Dowd.
Timehasdealtkindlywiththatstoutofficer,asitdoesordinarilywithmenwhohavegoodstomachsandgoodtempersandarenotperplexedovermuchbyfatigueofthebrain.
TheColonelplaysagoodknifeandforkattiffinandresumesthoseweaponswithgreatsuccessatdinner.
HesmokeshishookahafterbothmealsandpuffsasquietlywhilehiswifescoldshimashedidunderthefireoftheFrenchatWaterloo.
AgeandheathavenotdiminishedtheactivityortheeloquenceofthedescendantoftheMalonysandtheMolloys.
HerLadyship,ouroldacquaintance,isasmuchathomeatMadrasasatBrusselsinthecantonmentasunderthetents.
Onthemarchyousawherattheheadoftheregimentseatedonaroyalelephant,anoblesight.
Mountedonthatbeast,shehasbeenintoactionwithtigersinthejungle,shehasbeenreceivedbynativeprinces,whohavewelcomedherandGlorvinaintotherecessesoftheirzenanasandofferedhershawlsandjewelswhichitwenttoherhearttorefuse.
Thesentriesofallarmssaluteherwherevershemakesherappearance,andshetouchesherhatgravelytotheirsalutation.
LadyO’DowdisoneofthegreatestladiesinthePresidencyofMadras—herquarrelwithLadySmith,wifeofSirMinosSmiththepuisnejudge,isstillrememberedbysomeatMadras,whentheColonel’sladysnappedherfingersintheJudge’slady’sfaceandsaidSHE’Dneverwalkbehindeverabeggarlycivilian.
Evennow,thoughitisfive-and-twentyyearsago,peoplerememberLadyO’DowdperformingajigatGovernmentHouse,whereshedanceddowntwoAides-de-Camp,aMajorofMadrascavalry,andtwogentlemenoftheCivilService;and,persuadedbyMajorDobbin,C.B.,secondincommandofthe—th,toretiretothesupper-room,lassatanondumsatiatarecessit.
PeggyO’Dowdisindeedthesameasever,kindinactandthought;impetuousintemper;eagertocommand;atyrantoverherMichael;adragonamongstalltheladiesoftheregiment;amothertoalltheyoungmen,whomshetendsintheirsickness,defendsinalltheirscrapes,andwithwhomLadyPeggyisimmenselypopular.
ButtheSubalterns’andCaptains’ladies(theMajorisunmarried)cabalagainstheragooddeal.
TheysaythatGlorvinagivesherselfairsandthatPeggyherselfisilltolerablydomineering.
SheinterferedwithalittlecongregationwhichMrs.Kirkhadgotupandlaughedtheyoungmenawayfromhersermons,statingthatasoldier’swifehadnobusinesstobeaparson—thatMrs.Kirkwouldbemuchbettermendingherhusband’sclothes;and,iftheregimentwantedsermons,thatshehadthefinestintheworld,thoseofheruncle,theDean.
SheabruptlyputaterminationtoaflirtationwhichLieutenantStubbleoftheregimenthadcommencedwiththeSurgeon’swife,threateningtocomedownuponStubbleforthemoneywhichhehadborrowedfromher(fortheyoungfellowwasstillofanextravagantturn)unlesshebrokeoffatonceandwenttotheCapeonsickleave.
Ontheotherhand,shehousedandshelteredMrs.Posky,whofledfromherbungalowonenight,pursuedbyherinfuriatehusband,wieldinghissecondbrandybottle,andactuallycarriedPoskythroughthedeliriumtremensandbrokehimofthehabitofdrinking,whichhadgrownuponthatofficer,asallevilhabitswillgrowuponmen.
Inaword,inadversityshewasthebestofcomforters,ingoodfortunethemosttroublesomeoffriends,havingaperfectlygoodopinionofherselfalwaysandanindomitableresolutiontohaveherownway.
Amongotherpoints,shehadmadeuphermindthatGlorvinashouldmarryouroldfriendDobbin.
Mrs.O’DowdknewtheMajor’sexpectationsandappreciatedhisgoodqualitiesandthehighcharacterwhichheenjoyedinhisprofession.
Glorvina,averyhandsome,fresh-coloured,black-haired,blue-eyedyounglady,whocouldrideahorse,orplayasonatawithanygirloutoftheCountyCork,seemedtobetheverypersondestinedtoinsureDobbin’shappiness—muchmorethanthatpoorgoodlittleweak-spur’tedAmelia,aboutwhomheusedtotakeonso.
—”LookatGlorvinaenteraroom,”Mrs.O’Dowdwouldsay,“andcompareherwiththatpoorMrs.Osborne,whocouldn’tsaybootoagoose.
She’dbeworthyofyou,Major—you’reaquietmanyourself,andwantsomeonetotalkforye.
AndthoughshedoesnotcomeofsuchgoodbloodastheMalonysorMolloys,letmetellye,she’sofanancientfamilythatanynoblemanmightbeproudtomarryinto.”
ButbeforeshehadcometosucharesolutionanddeterminedtosubjugateMajorDobbinbyherendearments,itmustbeownedthatGlorvinahadpractisedthemagooddealelsewhere.
ShehadhadaseasoninDublin,andwhoknowshowmanyinCork,Killarney,andMallow?
Shehadflirtedwithallthemarriageableofficerswhomthedepotsofhercountryafforded,andallthebachelorsquireswhoseemedeligible.
Shehadbeenengagedtobemarriedahalf-scoretimesinIreland,besidestheclergymanatBathwhousedhersoill.
ShehadflirtedallthewaytoMadraswiththeCaptainandchiefmateoftheRamchunderEastIndiaman,andhadaseasonatthePresidencywithherbrotherandMrs.O’Dowd,whowasstayingthere,whiletheMajoroftheregimentwasincommandatthestation.
Everybodyadmiredherthere;everybodydancedwithher;butnooneproposedwhowasworththemarrying—oneortwoexceedinglyyoungsubalternssighedafterher,andabeardlesscivilianortwo,butsherejectedtheseasbeneathherpretensions—andotherandyoungervirginsthanGlorvinaweremarriedbeforeher.
Therearewomen,andhandsomewomentoo,whohavethisfortuneinlife.
Theyfallinlovewiththeutmostgenerosity;theyrideandwalkwithhalftheArmy-list,thoughtheydrawneartoforty,andyettheMissesO’GradyaretheMissesO’Gradystill:GlorvinapersistedthatbutforLadyO’Dowd’sunluckyquarrelwiththeJudge’slady,shewouldhavemadeagoodmatchatMadras,whereoldMr.Chutney,whowasattheheadofthecivilservice(andwhoafterwardsmarriedMissDolby,ayoungladyonlythirteenyearsofagewhohadjustarrivedfromschoolinEurope),wasjustatthepointofproposingtoher.
Well,althoughLadyO’DowdandGlorvinaquarrelledagreatnumberoftimeseveryday,anduponalmosteveryconceivablesubject—indeed,ifMickO’Dowdhadnotpossessedthetemperofanangeltwosuchwomenconstantlyabouthisearswouldhavedrivenhimoutofhissenses—yettheyagreedbetweenthemselvesonthispoint,thatGlorvinashouldmarryMajorDobbin,andweredeterminedthattheMajorshouldhavenorestuntilthearrangementwasbroughtabout.
Undismayedbyfortyorfiftypreviousdefeats,Glorvinalaidsiegetohim.
ShesangIrishmelodiesathimunceasingly.
Sheaskedhimsofrequentlyandpathetically,Willyecometothebower?
thatitisawonderhowanymanoffeelingcouldhaveresistedtheinvitation.
Shewasnevertiredofinquiring,ifSorrowhadhisyoungdaysfaded,andwasreadytolistenandweeplikeDesdemonaatthestoriesofhisdangersandhiscampaigns.
Ithasbeensaidthatourhonestanddearoldfriendusedtoperformonthefluteinprivate;Glorvinainsisteduponhavingduetswithhim,andLadyO’Dowdwouldriseandartlesslyquittheroomwhentheyoungcoupleweresoengaged.
GlorvinaforcedtheMajortoridewithherofmornings.
Thewholecantonmentsawthemsetoutandreturn.
Shewasconstantlywritingnotesovertohimathishouse,borrowinghisbooks,andscoringwithhergreatpencil-markssuchpassagesofsentimentorhumourasawakenedhersympathy.
Sheborrowedhishorses,hisservants,hisspoons,andpalanquin—nowonderthatpublicrumourassignedhertohim,andthattheMajor’ssistersinEnglandshouldfancytheywereabouttohaveasister-in-law.
Dobbin,whowasthusvigorouslybesieged,wasinthemeanwhileinastateofthemostodioustranquillity.
HeusedtolaughwhentheyoungfellowsoftheregimentjokedhimaboutGlorvina’smanifestattentionstohim.“Bah!”
saidhe,“sheisonlykeepingherhandin—shepractisesuponmeasshedoesuponMrs.Tozer’spiano,becauseit’sthemosthandyinstrumentinthestation.
IammuchtoobatteredandoldforsuchafineyoungladyasGlorvina.”
Andsohewentonridingwithher,andcopyingmusicandversesintoheralbums,andplayingatchesswithherverysubmissively;foritiswiththesesimpleamusementsthatsomeofficersinIndiaareaccustomedtowhileawaytheirleisuremoments,whileothersofalessdomesticturnhunthogs,andshootsnipes,orgambleandsmokecheroots,andbetakethemselvestobrandy-and-water.
AsforSirMichaelO’Dowd,thoughhisladyandhersisterbothurgedhimtocallupontheMajortoexplainhimselfandnotkeepontorturingapoorinnocentgirlinthatshamefulway,theoldsoldierrefusedpoint-blanktohaveanythingtodowiththeconspiracy.
“Faith,theMajor’sbigenoughtochooseforhimself,”SirMichaelsaid;“he’llaskyewhenhewantsye”;orelsehewouldturnthematteroffjocularly,declaringthat“Dobbinwastooyoungtokeephouse,andhadwrittenhometoasklaveofhismamma.”
Nay,hewentfarther,andinprivatecommunicationswithhisMajorwouldcautionandrallyhim,crying,“Mindyouroi,Dob,myboy,themgirlsisbentonmischief—meLadyhasjustgotaboxofgownsfromEurope,andthere’sapinksatinforGlorvina,whichwillfinishye,Dob,ifit’sinthepowerofwomanorsatintomoveye.”
Butthetruthis,neitherbeautynorfashioncouldconquerhim.
Ourhonestfriendhadbutoneideaofawomaninhishead,andthatonedidnotintheleastresembleMissGlorvinaO’Dowdinpinksatin.
Agentlelittlewomaninblack,withlargeeyesandbrownhair,seldomspeaking,savewhenspokento,andtheninavoicenottheleastresemblingMissGlorvina’s—asoftyoungmothertendinganinfantandbeckoningtheMajorupwithasmiletolookathim—arosy-cheekedlasscomingsingingintotheroominRussellSquareorhangingonGeorgeOsborne’sarm,happyandloving—therewasbutthisimagethatfilledourhonestMajor’smind,bydayandbynight,andreignedoveritalways.
VerylikelyAmeliawasnotliketheportraittheMajorhadformedofher:therewasafigureinabookoffashionswhichhissistershadinEngland,andwithwhichWilliamhadmadeawayprivately,pastingitintothelidofhisdesk,andfancyinghesawsomeresemblancetoMrs.Osborneintheprint,whereasIhaveseenit,andcanvouchthatitisbutthepictureofahigh-waistedgownwithanimpossibledoll’sfacesimperingoverit—and,perhaps,Mr.Dobbin’ssentimentalAmeliawasnomoreliketherealonethanthisabsurdlittleprintwhichhecherished.
Butwhatmaninlove,ofus,isbetterinformed?
—orishemuchhappierwhenheseesandownshisdelusion?Dobbinwasunderthisspell.
Hedidnotbotherhisfriendsandthepublicmuchabouthisfeelings,orindeedlosehisnaturalrestorappetiteonaccountofthem.
Hisheadhasgrizzledsincewesawhimlast,andalineortwoofsilvermaybeseeninthesoftbrownhairlikewise.
Buthisfeelingsarenotintheleastchangedoroldened,andhisloveremainsasfreshasaman’srecollectionsofboyhoodare.
WehavesaidhowthetwoMissesDobbinandAmelia,theMajor’scorrespondentsinEurope,wrotehimlettersfromEngland,Mrs.OsbornecongratulatinghimwithgreatcandourandcordialityuponhisapproachingnuptialswithMissO’Dowd.
“Yoursisterhasjustkindlyvisitedme,”Ameliawroteinherletter,“andinformedmeofanINTERESTINGEVENT,uponwhichIbegtooffermyMOSTSINCERECONGRATULATIONS.
IhopetheyoungladytowhomIhearyouaretobeUNITEDwillineveryrespectproveworthyofonewhoishimselfallkindnessandgoodness.
ThepoorwidowhasonlyherprayerstoofferandhercordialcordialwishesforYOURPROSPERITY!
GeorgysendshislovetoHISDEARGODPAPAandhopesthatyouwillnotforgethim.
ItellhimthatyouareabouttoformOTHERTIES,withonewhoIamsuremeritsALLYOURAFFECTION,butthat,althoughsuchtiesmustofcoursebethestrongestandmostsacred,andsupersedeALLOTHERS,yetthatIamsurethewidowandthechildwhomyouhaveeverprotectedandlovedwillalwaysHAVEACORNERINYOURHEART”Theletter,whichhasbeenbeforealludedto,wentoninthisstrain,protestingthroughoutastotheextremesatisfactionofthewriter.
Thisletter,.whicharrivedbytheverysameshipwhichbroughtoutLadyO’Dowd’sboxofmillineryfromLondon(andwhichyoumaybesureDobbinopenedbeforeanyoneoftheotherpacketswhichthemailbroughthim),putthereceiverintosuchastateofmindthatGlorvina,andherpinksatin,andeverythingbelongingtoherbecameperfectlyodioustohim.
TheMajorcursedthetalkofwomen,andthesexingeneral.
Everythingannoyedhimthatday—theparadewasinsufferablyhotandwearisome.Goodheavens!
wasamanofintellecttowastehislife,dayafterday,inspectingcross-beltsandputtingfoolsthroughtheirmanoeuvres?
Thesenselesschatteroftheyoungmenatmesswasmorethaneverjarring.
Whatcaredhe,amanonthehighroadtoforty,toknowhowmanysnipesLieutenantSmithhadshot,orwhatweretheperformancesofEnsignBrown’smare?
Thejokesaboutthetablefilledhimwithshame.
Hewastoooldtolistentothebanteroftheassistantsurgeonandtheslangoftheyoungsters,atwhicholdO’Dowd,withhisbaldheadandredface,laughedquiteeasily.
Theoldmanhadlistenedtothosejokesanytimethesethirtyyears—Dobbinhimselfhadbeenfifteenyearshearingthem.
Andaftertheboisterousdulnessofthemess-table,thequarrelsandscandaloftheladiesoftheregiment!Itwasunbearable,shameful.
“OAmelia,Amelia,”hethought,“youtowhomIhavebeensofaithful—youreproachme!
ItisbecauseyoucannotfeelformethatIdragonthiswearisomelife.
Andyourewardmeafteryearsofdevotionbygivingmeyourblessinguponmymarriage,forsooth,withthisflauntingIrishgirl!”
SickandsorryfeltpoorWilliam;morethaneverwretchedandlonely.
Hewouldliketohavedonewithlifeanditsvanityaltogether—sobootlessandunsatisfactorythestruggle,socheerlessanddrearytheprospectseemedtohim.
Helayallthatnightsleepless,andyearningtogohome.
Amelia’sletterhadfallenasablankuponhim.
Nofidelity,noconstanttruthandpassion,couldmoveherintowarmth.Shewouldnotseethathelovedher.
Tossinginhisbed,hespokeouttoher.“GoodGod,Amelia!”
hesaid,“don’tyouknowthatIonlyloveyouintheworld—you,whoareastonetome—you,whomItendedthroughmonthsandmonthsofillnessandgrief,andwhobademefarewellwithasmileonyourface,andforgotmebeforethedoorshutbetweenus!”
ThenativeservantslyingoutsidehisverandasbeheldwithwondertheMajor,socoldandquietordinarily,atpresentsopassionatelymovedandcastdown.
Wouldshehavepitiedhimhadsheseenhim?
Hereadoverandoveralltheletterswhichheeverhadfromher—lettersofbusinessrelativetothelittlepropertywhichhehadmadeherbelieveherhusbandhadlefttoher—briefnotesofinvitation—everyscrapofwritingthatshehadeversenttohim—howcold,howkind,howhopeless,howselfishtheywere!
Hadtherebeensomekindgentlesoulnearathandwhocouldreadandappreciatethissilentgenerousheart,whoknowsbutthatthereignofAmeliamighthavebeenover,andthatfriendWilliam’slovemighthaveflowedintoakinderchannel?
ButtherewasonlyGlorvinaofthejettyringletswithwhomhisintercoursewasfamiliar,andthisdashingyoungwomanwasnotbentuponlovingtheMajor,butratheronmakingtheMajoradmireHER—amostvainandhopelesstask,too,atleastconsideringthemeansthatthepoorgirlpossessedtocarryitout.
Shecurledherhairandshowedhershouldersathim,asmuchastosay,didyeeverseesuchjetringletsandsuchacomplexion?
Shegrinnedathimsothathemightseethateverytoothinherheadwassound—andheneverheededallthesecharms.
Verysoonafterthearrivaloftheboxofmillinery,andperhapsindeedinhonourofit,LadyO’DowdandtheladiesoftheKing’sRegimentgaveaballtotheCompany’sRegimentsandtheciviliansatthestation.
Glorvinasportedthekillingpinkfrock,andtheMajor,whoattendedthepartyandwalkedveryruefullyupanddowntherooms,neversomuchasperceivedthepinkgarment.
Glorvinadancedpasthiminafurywithalltheyoungsubalternsofthestation,andtheMajorwasnotintheleastjealousofherperformance,orangrybecauseCaptainBanglesoftheCavalryhandedhertosupper.
Itwasnotjealousy,orfrocks,orshouldersthatcouldmovehim,andGlorvinahadnothingmore.
SothesetwowereeachexemplifyingtheVanityofthislife,andeachlongingforwhatheorshecouldnotget.
Glorvinacriedwithrageatthefailure.
ShehadsethermindontheMajor“morethanonanyoftheothers,”sheowned,sobbing.
“He’llbreakmyheart,hewill,Peggy,”shewouldwhimpertohersister-in-lawwhentheyweregoodfriends;“sureeveryoneofmefrocksmustbetakenin—it’ssuchaskeletonI’mgrowing.”
Fatorthin,laughingormelancholy,onhorsebackorthemusic-stool,itwasallthesametotheMajor.
AndtheColonel,puffinghispipeandlisteningtothesecomplaints,wouldsuggestthatGloryshouldhavesomeblackfrocksoutinthenextboxfromLondon,andtoldamysteriousstoryofaladyinIrelandwhodiedofgriefforthelossofherhusbandbeforeshegotereaone.
WhiletheMajorwasgoingoninthistantalizingway,notproposing,anddecliningtofallinlove,therecameanothershipfromEuropebringinglettersonboard,andamongstthemsomemorefortheheartlessman.
Thesewerehomelettersbearinganearlierpostmarkthanthatoftheformerpackets,andasMajorDobbinrecognizedamonghisthehandwritingofhissister,whoalwayscrossedandrecrossedherletterstoherbrother—gatheredtogetherallthepossiblebadnewswhichshecouldcollect,abusedhimandreadhimlectureswithsisterlyfrankness,andalwayslefthimmiserableforthedayafter“dearestWilliam”hadachievedtheperusalofoneofherepistles—thetruthmustbetoldthatdearestWilliamdidnothurryhimselftobreakthesealofMissDobbin’sletter,butwaitedforaparticularlyfavourabledayandmoodfordoingso.
Afortnightbefore,moreover,hehadwrittentoscoldherfortellingthoseabsurdstoriestoMrs.Osborne,andhaddespatchedaletterinreplytothatlady,undeceivingherwithrespecttothereportsconcerninghimandassuringherthat“hehadnosortofpresentintentionofalteringhiscondition.”
Twoorthreenightsafterthearrivalofthesecondpackageofletters,theMajorhadpassedtheeveningprettycheerfullyatLadyO’Dowd’shouse,whereGlorvinathoughtthathelistenedwithrathermoreattentionthanusualtotheMeetingoftheWathers,theMinsthrelBoy,andoneortwootherspecimensofsongwithwhichshefavouredhim(thetruthis,hewasnomorelisteningtoGlorvinathantothehowlingofthejackalsinthemoonlightoutside,andthedelusionwashersasusual),andhavingplayedhisgameatchesswithher(cribbagewiththesurgeonwasLadyO’Dowd’sfavouriteeveningpastime),MajorDobbintookleaveoftheColonel’sfamilyathisusualhourandretiredtohisownhouse.
Thereonhistable,hissister’sletterlayreproachinghim.
Hetookitup,ashamedratherofhisnegligenceregardingit,andpreparedhimselfforadisagreeablehour’scommuningwiththatcrabbed-handedabsentrelative....ItmayhavebeenanhouraftertheMajor’sdeparturefromtheColonel’shouse—SirMichaelwassleepingthesleepofthejust;Glorvinahadarrangedherblackringletsintheinnumerablelittlebitsofpaper,inwhichitwasherhabittoconfinethem;LadyO’Dowd,too,hadgonetoherbedinthenuptialchamber,ontheground-floor,andhadtuckedhermusquitocurtainsroundherfairform,whentheguardatthegatesoftheCommanding-Officer’scompoundbeheldMajorDobbin,inthemoonlight,rushingtowardsthehousewithaswiftstepandaveryagitatedcountenance,andhepassedthesentinelandwentuptothewindowsoftheColonel’sbedchamber.
“O’Dowd—Colonel!”saidDobbinandkeptupagreatshouting.
“Heavens,Meejor!”saidGlorvinaofthecurl-papers,puttingoutherheadtoo,fromherwindow.
“Whatisit,Dob,meboy?”saidtheColonel,expectingtherewasafireinthestation,orthattheroutehadcomefromheadquarters.
“I—Imusthaveleaveofabsence.ImustgotoEngland—onthemosturgentprivateaffairs,”Dobbinsaid.
“Goodheavens,whathashappened!”thoughtGlorvina,tremblingwithallthepapillotes.
“Iwanttobeoff—now—to-night,”Dobbincontinued;andtheColonelgettingup,cameouttoparleywithhim.
InthepostscriptofMissDobbin’scross-letter,theMajorhadjustcomeuponaparagraph,tothefollowingeffect:—”IdroveyesterdaytoseeyouroldACQUAINTANCE,Mrs.Osborne.
Thewretchedplacetheyliveat,sincetheywerebankrupts,youknow—Mr.S.,tojudgefromaBRASSPLATEonthedoorofhishut(itislittlebetter)isacoal-merchant.
Thelittleboy,yourgodson,iscertainlyafinechild,thoughforward,andinclinedtobesaucyandself-willed.
Butwehavetakennoticeofhimasyouwishit,andhaveintroducedhimtohisaunt,MissO.,whowasratherpleasedwithhim.
Perhapshisgrandpapa,notthebankruptone,whoisalmostdoting,butMr.Osborne,ofRussellSquare,maybeinducedtorelenttowardsthechildofyourfriend,HISERRINGANDSELF-WILLEDSON.
AndAmeliawillnotbeill-disposedtogivehimup.
ThewidowisCONSOLED,andisabouttomarryareverendgentleman,theRev.Mr.Binny,oneofthecuratesofBrompton.Apoormatch.
ButMrs.O.isgettingold,andIsawagreatdealofgreyinherhair—shewasinverygoodspirits:andyourlittlegodsonoveratehimselfatourhouse.
Mammasendsherlovewiththatofyouraffectionate,AnnDobbin.”
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