English
BesidesthesehonestfolksattheHall(whosesimplicityandsweetruralpuritysurelyshowtheadvantageofacountrylifeoveratownone),wemustintroducethereadertotheirrelativesandneighboursattheRectory,ButeCrawleyandhiswife.
TheReverendButeCrawleywasatall,stately,jolly,shovel-hattedman,farmorepopularinhiscountythantheBaronethisbrother.
Atcollegehepulledstroke-oarintheChristchurchboat,andhadthrashedallthebestbruisersofthe“town.”
Hecarriedhistasteforboxingandathleticexercisesintoprivatelife;therewasnotafightwithintwentymilesatwhichhewasnotpresent,norarace,noracoursingmatch,noraregatta,noraball,noranelection,noravisitationdinner,norindeedagooddinnerinthewholecounty,buthefoundmeanstoattendit.
Youmightseehisbaymareandgig-lampsascoreofmilesawayfromhisRectoryHouse,whenevertherewasanydinner-partyatFuddleston,oratRoxby,oratWapshotHall,oratthegreatlordsofthecounty,withallofwhomhewasintimate.
Hehadafinevoice;sang“Asoutherlywindandacloudysky”;andgavethe“whoop”inchoruswithgeneralapplause.
Herodetohoundsinapepper-and-saltfrock,andwasoneofthebestfishermeninthecounty.
Mrs.Crawley,therector’swife,wasasmartlittlebody,whowrotethisworthydivine’ssermons.
Beingofadomesticturn,andkeepingthehouseagreatdealwithherdaughters,sheruledabsolutelywithintheRectory,wiselygivingherhusbandfulllibertywithout.
Hewaswelcometocomeandgo,anddineabroadasmanydaysashisfancydictated,forMrs.Crawleywasasavingwomanandknewthepriceofportwine.
EversinceMrs.ButecarriedofftheyoungRectorofQueen’sCrawley(shewasofagoodfamily,daughterofthelateLieut.-ColonelHectorMcTavish,andsheandhermotherplayedforButeandwonhimatHarrowgate),shehadbeenaprudentandthriftywifetohim.
Inspiteofhercare,however,hewasalwaysindebt.
Ittookhimatleasttenyearstopayoffhiscollegebillscontractedduringhisfather’slifetime.
Intheyear179-,whenhewasjustclearoftheseincumbrances,hegavetheoddsof100to1(intwenties)againstKangaroo,whowontheDerby.
TheRectorwasobligedtotakeupthemoneyataruinousinterest,andhadbeenstrugglingeversince.
Hissisterhelpedhimwithahundrednowandthen,butofcoursehisgreathopewasinherdeath—when“hangit”(ashewouldsay),“Matildamustleavemehalfhermoney.”
SothattheBaronetandhisbrotherhadeveryreasonwhichtwobrotherspossiblycanhaveforbeingbytheears.
SirPitthadhadthebetterofButeininnumerablefamilytransactions.
YoungPittnotonlydidnothunt,butsetupameetinghouseunderhisuncle’sverynose.
Rawdon,itwasknown,wastocomeinforthebulkofMissCrawley’sproperty.
Thesemoneytransactions—thesespeculationsinlifeanddeath—thesesilentbattlesforreversionaryspoil—makebrothersverylovingtowardseachotherinVanityFair.
I,formypart,haveknownafive-poundnotetointerposeandknockupahalfcentury’sattachmentbetweentwobrethren;andcan’tbutadmire,asIthinkwhatafineanddurablethingLoveisamongworldlypeople.
ItcannotbesupposedthatthearrivalofsuchapersonageasRebeccaatQueen’sCrawley,andhergradualestablishmentinthegoodgracesofallpeoplethere,couldbeunremarkedbyMrs.ButeCrawley.
Mrs.Bute,whoknewhowmanydaysthesirloinofbeeflastedattheHall;howmuchlinenwasgotreadyatthegreatwash;howmanypeacheswereonthesouthwall;howmanydosesherladyshiptookwhenshewasill—forsuchpointsaremattersofintenseinteresttocertainpersonsinthecountry—Mrs.Bute,Isay,couldnotpassovertheHallgovernesswithoutmakingeveryinquiryrespectingherhistoryandcharacter.
TherewasalwaysthebestunderstandingbetweentheservantsattheRectoryandtheHall.
TherewasalwaysagoodglassofaleinthekitchenoftheformerplacefortheHallpeople,whoseordinarydrinkwasverysmall—and,indeed,theRector’sladyknewexactlyhowmuchmaltwenttoeverybarrelofHallbeer—tiesofrelationshipexistedbetweentheHallandRectorydomestics,asbetweentheirmasters;andthroughthesechannelseachfamilywasperfectlywellacquaintedwiththedoingsoftheother.
That,bytheway,maybesetdownasageneralremark.
Whenyouandyourbrotherarefriends,hisdoingsareindifferenttoyou.
Whenyouhavequarrelled,allhisoutgoingsandincomingsyouknow,asifyouwerehisspy.
Verysoonthenafterherarrival,RebeccabegantotakearegularplaceinMrs.Crawley’sbulletinfromtheHall.
Itwastothiseffect:“Theblackporker’skilled—weighedxstone—saltedthesides—pig’spuddingandlegofporkfordinner.
Mr.CrampfromMudbury,overwithSirPittaboutputtingJohnBlackmoreingaol—Mr.Pittatmeeting(withallthenamesofthepeoplewhoattended)—myladyasusual—theyoungladieswiththegoverness.”
Thenthereportwouldcome—thenewgovernessbeararemanager—SirPittbeverysweetonher—Mr.Crawleytoo—Hebereadingtractstoher—”Whatanabandonedwretch!”
saidlittle,eager,active,black-facedMrs.ButeCrawley.
Finally,thereportswerethatthegovernesshad“comeround”everybody,wroteSirPitt’sletters,didhisbusiness,managedhisaccounts—hadtheupperhandofthewholehouse,mylady,Mr.Crawley,thegirlsandall—atwhichMrs.Crawleydeclaredshewasanartfulhussy,andhadsomedreadfuldesignsinview.
ThusthedoingsattheHallwerethegreatfoodforconversationattheRectory,andMrs.Bute’sbrighteyesspiedouteverythingthattookplaceintheenemy’scamp—everythingandagreatdealbesides.
Mrs.ButeCrawleytoMissPinkerton,TheMall,Chiswick.
Rectory,Queen’sCrawley,December—.
MyDearMadam,—AlthoughitissomanyyearssinceIprofitedbyyourdelightfulandinvaluableinstructions,yetIhaveeverretainedtheFONDESTandmostreverentialregardforMissPinkerton,andDEARChiswick.IhopeyourhealthisGOOD.
TheworldandthecauseofeducationcannotaffordtoloseMissPinkertonforMANYMANYYEARS.
Whenmyfriend,LadyFuddleston,mentionedthatherdeargirlsrequiredaninstructress(Iamtoopoortoengageagovernessformine,butwasInoteducatedatChiswick?)
—”Who,”Iexclaimed,“canweconsultbuttheexcellent,theincomparableMissPinkerton?”
Inaword,haveyou,dearmadam,anyladiesonyourlist,whoseservicesmightbemadeavailabletomykindfriendandneighbour?
IassureyoushewilltakenogovernessBUTOFYOURCHOOSING.
MydearhusbandispleasedtosaythathelikesEVERYTHINGWHICHCOMESFROMMISSPINKERTON’SSCHOOL.
HowIwishIcouldpresenthimandmybelovedgirlstothefriendofmyyouth,andtheADMIREDofthegreatlexicographerofourcountry!
IfyouevertravelintoHampshire,Mr.Crawleybegsmetosay,hehopesyouwilladornourRURALRECTORYwithyourpresence.‘Tisthehumblebuthappyhomeof
YouraffectionateMarthaCrawley
P.S.Mr.Crawley’sbrother,thebaronet,withwhomwearenot,alas!
uponthosetermsofUNITYinwhichitBECOMESBRETHRENTODWELL,hasagovernessforhislittlegirls,who,Iamtold,hadthegoodfortunetobeeducatedatChiswick.
Ihearvariousreportsofher;andasIhavethetenderestinterestinmydearestlittlenieces,whomIwish,inspiteoffamilydifferences,toseeamongmyownchildren—andasIlongtobeattentivetoANYPUPILOFYOURS—do,mydearMissPinkerton,tellmethehistoryofthisyounglady,whom,forYOURSAKE,Iammostanxioustobefriend.—M.C.
MissPinkertontoMrs.ButeCrawley.
JohnsonHouse,Chiswick,Dec.18—.
DearMadam,—Ihavethehonourtoacknowledgeyourpolitecommunication,towhichIpromptlyreply.
‘Tismostgratifyingtooneinmymostarduouspositiontofindthatmymaternalcareshaveelicitedaresponsiveaffection;andtorecognizeintheamiableMrs.ButeCrawleymyexcellentpupilofformeryears,thesprightlyandaccomplishedMissMarthaMacTavish.
Iamhappytohaveundermychargenowthedaughtersofmanyofthosewhowereyourcontemporariesatmyestablishment—whatpleasureitwouldgivemeifyourownbelovedyoungladieshadneedofmyinstructivesuperintendence!
PresentingmyrespectfulcomplimentstoLadyFuddleston,Ihavethehonour(epistolarily)tointroducetoherladyshipmytwofriends,MissTuffinandMissHawky.
EitheroftheseyoungladiesisPERFECTLYQUALIFIEDtoinstructinGreek,Latin,andtherudimentsofHebrew;inmathematicsandhistory;inSpanish,French,Italian,andgeography;inmusic,vocalandinstrumental;indancing,withouttheaidofamaster;andintheelementsofnaturalsciences.
Intheuseoftheglobesbothareproficients.
InadditiontotheseMissTuffin,whoisdaughterofthelateReverendThomasTuffin(FellowofCorpusCollege,Cambridge),caninstructintheSyriaclanguage,andtheelementsofConstitutionallaw.
Butassheisonlyeighteenyearsofage,andofexceedinglypleasingpersonalappearance,perhapsthisyoungladymaybeobjectionableinSirHuddlestonFuddleston’sfamily.
MissLetitiaHawky,ontheotherhand,isnotpersonallywell-favoured.
Sheis-twenty-nine;herfaceismuchpittedwiththesmall-pox.
Shehasahaltinhergait,redhair,andatriflingobliquityofvision.
BothladiesareendowedwithEVERYMORALANDRELIGIOUSVIRTUE.
Theirterms,ofcourse,aresuchastheiraccomplishmentsmerit.
WithmymostgratefulrespectstotheReverendButeCrawley,Ihavethehonourtobe,
DearMadam,
Yourmostfaithfulandobedientservant,BarbaraPinkerton.
P.S.TheMissSharp,whomyoumentionasgovernesstoSirPittCrawley,Bart.,M.P.,wasapupilofmine,andIhavenothingtosayinherdisfavour.
Thoughherappearanceisdisagreeable,wecannotcontroltheoperationsofnature:andthoughherparentsweredisreputable(herfatherbeingapainter,severaltimesbankrupt,andhermother,asIhavesincelearned,withhorror,adancerattheOpera);yethertalentsareconsiderable,andIcannotregretthatIreceivedherOUTOFCHARITY.
Mydreadis,lesttheprinciplesofthemother—whowasrepresentedtomeasaFrenchCountess,forcedtoemigrateinthelaterevolutionaryhorrors;butwho,asIhavesincefound,wasapersonoftheverylowestorderandmorals—shouldatanytimeprovetobeHEREDITARYintheunhappyyoungwomanwhomItookasANOUTCAST.
Butherprincipleshavehithertobeencorrect(Ibelieve),andIamsurenothingwilloccurtoinjurethemintheelegantandrefinedcircleoftheeminentSirPittCrawley.
MissRebeccaSharptoMissAmeliaSedley.
IhavenotwrittentomybelovedAmeliaforthesemanyweekspast,forwhatnewswastheretotellofthesayingsanddoingsatHumdrumHall,asIhavechristenedit;andwhatdoyoucarewhethertheturnipcropisgoodorbad;whetherthefatpigweighedthirteenstoneorfourteen;andwhetherthebeaststhrivewelluponmangelwurzel?
EverydaysinceIlastwrotehasbeenlikeitsneighbour.
Beforebreakfast,awalkwithSirPittandhisspud;afterbreakfaststudies(suchastheyare)intheschoolroom;afterschoolroom,readingandwritingaboutlawyers,leases,coal-mines,canals,withSirPitt(whosesecretaryIambecome);afterdinner,Mr.Crawley’sdiscoursesonthebaronet’sbackgammon;duringbothofwhichamusementsmyladylooksonwithequalplacidity.
Shehasbecomerathermoreinterestingbybeingailingoflate,whichhasbroughtanewvisitortotheHall,inthepersonofayoungdoctor.
Well,mydear,youngwomenneedneverdespair.
Theyoungdoctorgaveacertainfriendofyourstounderstandthat,ifshechosetobeMrs.Glauber,shewaswelcometoornamentthesurgery!
Itoldhisimpudencethatthegiltpestleandmortarwasquiteornamentenough;asifIwasborn,indeed,tobeacountrysurgeon’swife!
Mr.Glauberwenthomeseriouslyindisposedathisrebuff,tookacoolingdraught,andisnowquitecured.
SirPittapplaudedmyresolutionhighly;hewouldbesorrytolosehislittlesecretary,Ithink;andIbelievetheoldwretchlikesmeasmuchasitisinhisnaturetolikeanyone.Marry,indeed!
andwithacountryapothecary,after—No,no,onecannotsosoonforgetoldassociations,aboutwhichIwilltalknomore.LetusreturntoHumdrumHall.
ForsometimepastitisHumdrumHallnolonger.
Mydear,MissCrawleyhasarrivedwithherfathorses,fatservants,fatspaniel—thegreatrichMissCrawley,withseventythousandpoundsinthefivepercents.,whom,orIhadbettersayWHICH,hertwobrothersadore.
Shelooksveryapoplectic,thedearsoul;nowonderherbrothersareanxiousabouther.
Youshouldseethemstrugglingtosettlehercushions,ortohandhercoffee!
“WhenIcomeintothecountry,”shesays(forshehasagreatdealofhumour),“Ileavemytoady,MissBriggs,athome.
Mybrothersaremytoadieshere,mydear,andaprettypairtheyare!”
Whenshecomesintothecountryourhallisthrownopen,andforamonth,atleast,youwouldfancyoldSirWalpolewascometolifeagain.
Wehavedinner-parties,anddriveoutinthecoach-and-fourthefootmenputontheirnewestcanary-colouredliveries;wedrinkclaretandchampagneasifwewereaccustomedtoiteveryday.
Wehavewaxcandlesintheschoolroom,andfirestowarmourselveswith.
LadyCrawleyismadetoputonthebrightestpea-greeninherwardrobe,andmypupilsleaveofftheirthickshoesandtightoldtartanpelisses,andwearsilkstockingsandmuslinfrocks,asfashionablebaronets’daughtersshould.
Rosecameinyesterdayinasadplight—theWiltshiresow(anenormouspetofhers)ranherdown,anddestroyedamostlovelyfloweredlilacsilkdressbydancingoverit—hadthishappenedaweekago,SirPittwouldhaveswornfrightfully,haveboxedthepoorwretch’sears,andputheruponbreadandwaterforamonth.
Allhesaidwas,“I’llserveyouout,Miss,whenyouraunt’sgone,”andlaughedofftheaccidentasquitetrivial.
LetushopehiswrathwillhavepassedawaybeforeMissCrawley’sdeparture.
Ihopeso,forMissRose’ssake,Iamsure.
Whatacharmingreconcilerandpeacemakermoneyis!
AnotheradmirableeffectofMissCrawleyandherseventythousandpoundsistobeseenintheconductofthetwobrothersCrawley.
Imeanthebaronetandtherector,notOURbrothers—buttheformer,whohateeachotheralltheyearround,becomequitelovingatChristmas.
Iwrotetoyoulastyearhowtheabominablehorse-racingrectorwasinthehabitofpreachingclumsysermonsatusatchurch,andhowSirPittsnoredinanswer.
WhenMissCrawleyarrivesthereisnosuchthingasquarrellingheardof—theHallvisitstheRectory,andviceversa—theparsonandtheBaronettalkaboutthepigsandthepoachers,andthecountybusiness,inthemostaffablemanner,andwithoutquarrellingintheircups,Ibelieve—indeedMissCrawleywon’thearoftheirquarrelling,andvowsthatshewillleavehermoneytotheShropshireCrawleysiftheyoffendher.
Iftheywerecleverpeople,thoseShropshireCrawleys,theymighthaveitall,Ithink;buttheShropshireCrawleyisaclergymanlikehisHampshirecousin,andmortallyoffendedMissCrawley(whohadfledthitherinafitofrageagainstherimpracticablebrethren)bysomestrait-lacednotionsofmorality.
Hewouldhaveprayersinthehouse,Ibelieve.
OursermonbooksareshutupwhenMissCrawleyarrives,andMr.Pitt,whomsheabominates,findsitconvenienttogototown.
Ontheotherhand,theyoungdandy—”blood,”Ibelieve,istheterm—CaptainCrawleymakeshisappearance,andIsupposeyouwillliketoknowwhatsortofapersonheis.
Well,heisaverylargeyoungdandy.Heissixfeethigh,andspeakswithagreatvoice;andswearsagreatdeal;andordersabouttheservants,whoalladorehimnevertheless;forheisverygenerousofhismoney,andthedomesticswilldoanythingforhim.
LastweekthekeepersalmostkilledabailiffandhismanwhocamedownfromLondontoarresttheCaptain,andwhowerefoundlurkingabouttheParkwall—theybeatthem,duckedthem,andweregoingtoshootthemforpoachers,butthebaronetinterfered.
TheCaptainhasaheartycontemptforhisfather,Icansee,andcallshimanoldPUT,anoldSNOB,anoldCHAW-BACON,andnumberlessotherprettynames.
HehasaDREADFULREPUTATIONamongtheladies.
Hebringshishuntershomewithhim,liveswiththeSquiresofthecounty,askswhomhepleasestodinner,andSirPittdaresnotsayno,forfearofoffendingMissCrawley,andmissinghislegacywhenshediesofherapoplexy.
ShallItellyouacomplimenttheCaptainpaidme?Imust,itissopretty.
Oneeveningweactuallyhadadance;therewasSirHuddlestonFuddlestonandhisfamily,SirGilesWapshotandhisyoungladies,andIdon’tknowhowmanymore.
Well,Iheardhimsay—”ByJove,she’saneatlittlefilly!”
meaningyourhumbleservant;andhedidmethehonourtodancetwocountry-danceswithme.
HegetsonprettygailywiththeyoungSquires,withwhomhedrinks,bets,rides,andtalksabouthuntingandshooting;buthesaysthecountrygirlsareBORES;indeed,Idon’tthinkheisfarwrong.
Youshouldseethecontemptwithwhichtheylookdownonpoorme!
WhentheydanceIsitandplaythepianoverydemurely;buttheothernight,cominginratherflushedfromthedining-room,andseeingmeemployedinthisway,hesworeoutloudthatIwasthebestdancerintheroom,andtookagreatoaththathewouldhavethefiddlersfromMudbury.
“I’llgoandplayacountry-dance,”saidMrs.ButeCrawley,veryreadily(sheisalittle,black-facedoldwomaninaturban,rathercrooked,andwithverytwinklingeyes);andaftertheCaptainandyourpoorlittleRebeccahadperformedadancetogether,doyouknowsheactuallydidmethehonourtocomplimentmeuponmysteps!
Suchathingwasneverheardofbefore;theproudMrs.ButeCrawley,firstcousintotheEarlofTiptoff,whowon’tcondescendtovisitLadyCrawley,exceptwhenhersisterisinthecountry.PoorLadyCrawley!
duringmostpartofthesegaieties,sheisupstairstakingpills.
Mrs.Butehasallofasuddentakenagreatfancytome.
“MydearMissSharp,”shesays,“whynotbringoveryourgirlstotheRectory?
—theircousinswillbesohappytoseethem.”Iknowwhatshemeans.
SignorClementididnotteachusthepianofornothing;atwhichpriceMrs.Butehopestogetaprofessorforherchildren.
Icanseethroughherschemes,asthoughshetoldthemtome;butIshallgo,asIamdeterminedtomakemyselfagreeable—isitnotapoorgoverness’sduty,whohasnotafriendorprotectorintheworld?
TheRector’swifepaidmeascoreofcomplimentsabouttheprogressmypupilsmade,andthought,nodoubt,totouchmyheart—poor,simple,countrysoul!—asifIcaredafigaboutmypupils!
YourIndiamuslinandyourpinksilk,dearestAmelia,aresaidtobecomemeverywell.
Theyareagooddealwornnow;but,youknow,wepoorgirlscan’tafforddesfraichestoilettes.Happy,happyyou!
whohavebuttodrivetoSt.James’sStreet,andadearmotherwhowillgiveyouanythingyouask.Farewell,dearestgirl,
YouraffectionateRebecca.
P.S.—IwishyoucouldhaveseenthefacesoftheMissBlackbrooks(AdmiralBlackbrook’sdaughters,mydear),fineyoungladies,withdressesfromLondon,whenCaptainRawdonselectedpoormeforapartner!
WhenMrs.ButeCrawley(whoseartificesouringeniousRebeccahadsosoondiscovered)hadprocuredfromMissSharpthepromiseofavisit,sheinducedtheall-powerfulMissCrawleytomakethenecessaryapplicationtoSirPitt,andthegood-naturedoldlady,wholovedtobegayherself,andtoseeeveryonegayandhappyroundabouther,wasquitecharmed,andreadytoestablishareconciliationandintimacybetweenhertwobrothers.
Itwasthereforeagreedthattheyoungpeopleofbothfamiliesshouldvisiteachotherfrequentlyforthefuture,andthefriendshipofcourselastedaslongasthejovialoldmediatrixwastheretokeepthepeace.
“Whydidyouaskthatscoundrel,RawdonCrawley,todine?”
saidtheRectortohislady,astheywerewalkinghomethroughthepark.“Idon’twantthefellow.
Helooksdownuponuscountrypeopleassomanyblackamoors.
He’snevercontentunlesshegetsmyyellow-sealedwine,whichcostsmetenshillingsabottle,hanghim!
Besides,he’ssuchaninfernalcharacter—he’sagambler—he’sadrunkard—he’saprofligateineveryway.
Heshotamaninaduel—he’soverheadandearsindebt,andhe’srobbedmeandmineofthebestpartofMissCrawley’sfortune.
Waxysaysshehashim”—heretheRectorshookhisfistatthemoon,withsomethingverylikeanoath,andadded,inamelancholioustone,”—downinherwillforfiftythousand;andtherewon’tbeabovethirtytodivide.”
“Ithinkshe’sgoing,”saidtheRector’swife.“Shewasveryredinthefacewhenweleftdinner.Iwasobligedtounlaceher.”
“Shedranksevenglassesofchampagne,”saidthereverendgentleman,inalowvoice;“andfilthychampagneitis,too,thatmybrotherpoisonsuswith—butyouwomenneverknowwhat’swhat.”
“Weknownothing,”saidMrs.ButeCrawley.
“Shedrankcherry-brandyafterdinner,”continuedhisReverence,“andtookcuracaowithhercoffee.
Iwouldn’ttakeaglassforafive-poundnote:itkillsmewithheartburn.
Shecan’tstandit,Mrs.Crawley—shemustgo—fleshandbloodwon’tbearit!
andIlayfivetotwo,Matildadropsinayear.”
Indulginginthesesolemnspeculations,andthinkingabouthisdebts,andhissonJimatCollege,andFrankatWoolwich,andthefourgirls,whowerenobeauties,poorthings,andwouldnothaveapennybutwhattheygotfromtheaunt’sexpectedlegacy,theRectorandhisladywalkedonforawhile.
“Pittcan’tbesuchaninfernalvillainastosellthereversionoftheliving.AndthatMethodistmilksopofaneldestsonlookstoParliament,”continuedMr.Crawley,afterapause.
“SirPittCrawleywilldoanything,”saidtheRector’swife.“WemustgetMissCrawleytomakehimpromiseittoJames.”
“Pittwillpromiseanything,”repliedthebrother.
“Hepromisedhe’dpaymycollegebills,whenmyfatherdied;hepromisedhe’dbuildthenewwingtotheRectory;hepromisedhe’dletmehaveJibb’sfieldandtheSix-acreMeadow—andmuchheexecutedhispromises!
Andit’stothisman’sson—thisscoundrel,gambler,swindler,murdererofaRawdonCrawley,thatMatildaleavesthebulkofhermoney.Isayit’sun-Christian.ByJove,itis.
Theinfamousdoghasgoteveryviceexcepthypocrisy,andthatbelongstohisbrother.”
“Hush,mydearestlove!we’reinSirPitt’sgrounds,”interposedhiswife.
“Isayhehasgoteveryvice,Mrs.Crawley.Don’tMa’am,bullyme.Didn’theshootCaptainMarker?
Didn’therobyoungLordDovedaleattheCocoa-Tree?
Didn’thecrossthefightbetweenBillSoamesandtheCheshireTrump,bywhichIlostfortypound?
Youknowhedid;andasforthewomen,why,youheardthatbeforeme,inmyownmagistrate’sroom.”
“Forheaven’ssake,Mr.Crawley,”saidthelady,“sparemethedetails.”
“Andyouaskthisvillainintoyourhouse!”continuedtheexasperatedRector.“You,themotherofayoungfamily—thewifeofaclergymanoftheChurchofEngland.ByJove!”
“ButeCrawley,youareafool,”saidtheRector’swifescornfully.
“Well,Ma’am,foolornot—andIdon’tsay,Martha,I’msocleverasyouare,Ineverdid.
ButIwon’tmeetRawdonCrawley,that’sflat.
I’llgoovertoHuddleston,thatIwill,andseehisblackgreyhound,Mrs.Crawley;andI’llrunLancelotagainsthimforfifty.
ByJove,Iwill;oragainstanydoginEngland.
ButIwon’tmeetthatbeastRawdonCrawley.”
“Mr.Crawley,youareintoxicated,asusual,”repliedhiswife.
Andthenextmorning,whentheRectorwoke,andcalledforsmallbeer,sheputhiminmindofhispromisetovisitSirHuddlestonFuddlestononSaturday,andasheknewheshouldhaveawetnight,itwasagreedthathemightgallopbackagainintimeforchurchonSundaymorning.
ThusitwillbeseenthattheparishionersofCrawleywereequallyhappyintheirSquireandintheirRector.
MissCrawleyhadnotlongbeenestablishedattheHallbeforeRebecca’sfascinationshadwontheheartofthatgood-naturedLondonrake,astheyhadofthecountryinnocentswhomwehavebeendescribing.
Takingheraccustomeddrive,oneday,shethoughtfittoorderthat“thatlittlegoverness”shouldaccompanyhertoMudbury.
BeforetheyhadreturnedRebeccahadmadeaconquestofher;havingmadeherlaughfourtimes,andamusedherduringthewholeofthelittlejourney.
“NotletMissSharpdineattable!”saidshetoSirPitt,whohadarrangedadinnerofceremony,andaskedalltheneighbouringbaronets.
“Mydearcreature,doyousupposeIcantalkaboutthenurserywithLadyFuddleston,ordiscussjustices’businesswiththatgoose,oldSirGilesWapshot?IinsistuponMissSharpappearing.
LetLadyCrawleyremainupstairs,ifthereisnoroom.ButlittleMissSharp!
Why,she’stheonlypersonfittotalktointhecounty!”
Ofcourse,aftersuchaperemptoryorderasthis,MissSharp,thegoverness,receivedcommandstodinewiththeillustriouscompanybelowstairs.
AndwhenSirHuddlestonhad,withgreatpompandceremony,handedMissCrawleyintodinner,andwaspreparingtotakehisplacebyherside,theoldladycriedout,inashrillvoice,“BeckySharp!MissSharp!
Comeyouandsitbymeandamuseme;andletSirHuddlestonsitbyLadyWapshot.”
Whenthepartieswereover,andthecarriageshadrolledaway,theinsatiableMissCrawleywouldsay,“Cometomydressingroom,Becky,andletusabusethecompany”—which,betweenthem,thispairoffriendsdidperfectly.
OldSirHuddlestonwheezedagreatdealatdinner;SirGilesWapshothadaparticularlynoisymannerofimbibinghissoup,andherladyshipawinkofthelefteye;allofwhichBeckycaricaturedtoadmiration;aswellastheparticularsofthenight’sconversation;thepolitics;thewar;thequarter-sessions;thefamousrunwiththeH.H.,andthoseheavyanddrearythemes,aboutwhichcountrygentlemenconverse.
AsfortheMissesWapshot’stoilettesandLadyFuddleston’sfamousyellowhat,MissSharptorethemtotatters,totheinfiniteamusementofheraudience.
“Mydear,youareaperfecttrouvaille,”MissCrawleywouldsay.
“IwishyoucouldcometomeinLondon,butIcouldn’tmakeabuttofyouasIdoofpoorBriggsno,no,youlittleslycreature;youaretooclever—Isn’tshe,Firkin?”
Mrs.Firkin(whowasdressingtheverysmallremnantofhairwhichremainedonMissCrawley’spate),flungupherheadandsaid,“IthinkMissisveryclever,”withthemostkillingsarcasticair.
Infact,Mrs.Firkinhadthatnaturaljealousywhichisoneofthemainprinciplesofeveryhonestwoman.
AfterrebuffingSirHuddlestonFuddleston,MissCrawleyorderedthatRawdonCrawleyshouldleadherintodinnereveryday,andthatBeckyshouldfollowwithhercushion—orelseshewouldhaveBecky’sarmandRawdonwiththepillow.“Wemustsittogether,”shesaid.
“We’retheonlythreeChristiansinthecounty,mylove”—inwhichcase,itmustbeconfessed,thatreligionwasataverylowebbinthecountyofHants.
Besidesbeingsuchafinereligionist,MissCrawleywas,aswehavesaid,anUltra-liberalinopinions,andalwaystookoccasiontoexpresstheseinthemostcandidmanner.
“Whatisbirth,mydear!”shewouldsaytoRebecca—”LookatmybrotherPitt;lookattheHuddlestons,whohavebeenheresinceHenryII;lookatpoorButeattheparsonage—isanyoneofthemequaltoyouinintelligenceorbreeding?
Equaltoyou—theyarenotevenequaltopoordearBriggs,mycompanion,orBowls,mybutler.
You,mylove,arealittleparagon—positivelyalittlejewel—Youhavemorebrainsthanhalftheshire—ifmerithaditsrewardyououghttobeaDuchess—no,thereoughttobenoduchessesatall—butyououghttohavenosuperior,andIconsideryou,mylove,asmyequalineveryrespect;and—willyouputsomecoalsonthefire,mydear;andwillyoupickthisdressofmine,andalterit,youwhocandoitsowell?”
Sothisoldphilanthropistusedtomakeherequalrunofhererrands,executehermillinery,andreadhertosleepwithFrenchnovels,everynight.
Atthistime,assomeoldreadersmayrecollect,thegenteelworldhadbeenthrownintoaconsiderablestateofexcitementbytwoevents,which,asthepaperssay,mightgiveemploymenttothegentlemenofthelongrobe.
EnsignShaftonhadrunawaywithLadyBarbaraFitzurse,theEarlofBruin’sdaughterandheiress;andpoorVereVane,agentlemanwho,uptoforty,hadmaintainedamostrespectablecharacterandrearedanumerousfamily,suddenlyandoutrageouslylefthishome,forthesakeofMrs.Rougemont,theactress,whowassixty-fiveyearsofage.
“ThatwasthemostbeautifulpartofdearLordNelson’scharacter,”MissCrawleysaid.“Hewenttothedeuceforawoman.
Theremustbegoodinamanwhowilldothat.Iadoreallimpudentmatches.
—WhatIlikebest,isforanoblemantomarryamiller’sdaughter,asLordFlowerdaledid—itmakesallthewomensoangry—Iwishsomegreatmanwouldrunawaywithyou,mydear;I’msureyou’reprettyenough.”
“Twopost-boys!—Oh,itwouldbedelightful!”Rebeccaowned.
“AndwhatIlikenextbest,isforapoorfellowtorunawaywitharichgirl.IhavesetmyheartonRawdonrunningawaywithsomeone.”
“Arichsomeone,orapoorsomeone?”
“Why,yougoose!RawdonhasnotashillingbutwhatIgivehim.Heiscriblededettes—hemustrepairhisfortunes,andsucceedintheworld.”
“Isheveryclever?”Rebeccaasked.
“Clever,mylove?—notanideaintheworldbeyondhishorses,andhisregiment,andhishunting,andhisplay;buthemustsucceed—he’ssodelightfullywicked.
Don’tyouknowhehashitaman,andshotaninjuredfatherthroughthehatonly?
He’sadoredinhisregiment;andalltheyoungmenatWattier’sandtheCocoa-Treeswearbyhim.”
WhenMissRebeccaSharpwrotetoherbelovedfriendtheaccountofthelittleballatQueen’sCrawley,andthemannerinwhich,forthefirsttime,CaptainCrawleyhaddistinguishedher,shedidnot,strangetorelate,giveanaltogetheraccurateaccountofthetransaction.
TheCaptainhaddistinguishedheragreatnumberoftimesbefore.
TheCaptainhadmetherinahalf-scoreofwalks.
TheCaptainhadlighteduponherinahalf-hundredofcorridorsandpassages.
TheCaptainhadhungoverherpianotwentytimesofanevening(myLadywasnowupstairs,beingill,andnobodyheededher)asMissSharpsang.
TheCaptainhadwrittenhernotes(thebestthatthegreatblunderingdragooncoulddeviseandspell;butdulnessgetsonaswellasanyotherqualitywithwomen).
Butwhenheputthefirstofthenotesintotheleavesofthesongshewassinging,thelittlegoverness,risingandlookinghimsteadilyintheface,tookupthetriangularmissivedaintily,andwaveditaboutasifitwereacockedhat,andshe,advancingtotheenemy,poppedthenoteintothefire,andmadehimaverylowcurtsey,andwentbacktoherplace,andbegantosingawayagainmoremerrilythanever.
“What’sthat?”saidMissCrawley,interruptedinherafter-dinnerdozebythestoppageofthemusic.
“It’safalsenote,”MissSharpsaidwithalaugh;andRawdonCrawleyfumedwithrageandmortification.
SeeingtheevidentpartialityofMissCrawleyforthenewgoverness,howgooditwasofMrs.ButeCrawleynottobejealous,andtowelcometheyoungladytotheRectory,andnotonlyher,butRawdonCrawley,herhusband’srivalintheOldMaid’sfivepercents!
Theybecameveryfondofeachother’ssociety,Mrs.Crawleyandhernephew.
Hegaveuphunting;hedeclinedentertainmentsatFuddleston:hewouldnotdinewiththemessofthedepotatMudbury:hisgreatpleasurewastostrollovertoCrawleyparsonage—whitherMissCrawleycametoo;andastheirmammawasill,whynotthechildrenwithMissSharp?Sothechildren(littledears!)
camewithMissSharp;andofaneveningsomeofthepartywouldwalkbacktogether.
NotMissCrawley—shepreferredhercarriage—butthewalkovertheRectoryfields,andinatthelittleparkwicket,andthroughthedarkplantation,andupthecheckeredavenuetoQueen’sCrawley,wascharminginthemoonlighttotwosuchloversofthepicturesqueastheCaptainandMissRebecca.
“Othosestars,thosestars!”MissRebeccawouldsay,turninghertwinklinggreeneyesuptowardsthem.“IfeelmyselfalmostaspiritwhenIgazeuponthem.”
“O—ah—Gad—yes,sodoIexactly,MissSharp,”theotherenthusiastreplied.
“Youdon’tmindmycigar,doyou,MissSharp?”
MissSharplovedthesmellofacigaroutofdoorsbeyondeverythingintheworld—andshejusttastedonetoo,intheprettiestwaypossible,andgavealittlepuff,andalittlescream,andalittlegiggle,andrestoredthedelicacytotheCaptain,whotwirledhismoustache,andstraightwaypuffeditintoablazethatglowedquiteredinthedarkplantation,andswore—”Jove—aw—Gad—aw—it’sthefinestsegawIeversmokedintheworldaw,”forhisintellectandconversationwerealikebrilliantandbecomingtoaheavyyoungdragoon.
OldSirPitt,whowastakinghispipeandbeer,andtalkingtoJohnHorrocksabouta“ship”thatwastobekilled,espiedthepairsooccupiedfromhisstudy-window,andwithdreadfuloathssworethatifitwasn’tforMissCrawley,he’dtakeRawdonandbundleunoutofdoors,likearogueashewas.
“Hebeabad’n,sureenough,”Mr.Horrocksremarked;“andhismanFlethersiswuss,andhavemadesucharowinthehousekeeper’sroomaboutthedinnersandhale,asnolordwouldmake—butIthinkMissSharp’samatchfor’n,SirPitt,”headded,afterapause.
Andso,intruth,shewas—forfatherandsontoo.
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