English
MissRebeccaSharptoMissAmeliaSedley,RussellSquare,London.(Free.—PittCrawley.)
MYDEAREST,SWEETESTAMELIA,
WithwhatmingledjoyandsorrowdoItakeupthepentowritetomydearestfriend!
Oh,whatachangebetweento-dayandyesterday!
NowIamfriendlessandalone;yesterdayIwasathome,inthesweetcompanyofasister,whomIshallever,evercherish!
IwillnottellyouinwhattearsandsadnessIpassedthefatalnightinwhichIseparatedfromyou.
YOUwentonTuesdaytojoyandhappiness,withyourmotherandYOURDEVOTEDYOUNGSOLDIERbyyourside;andIthoughtofyouallnight,dancingatthePerkins’s,theprettiest,Iamsure,ofalltheyoungladiesattheBall.
IwasbroughtbythegroomintheoldcarriagetoSirPittCrawley’stownhouse,where,afterJohnthegroomhadbehavedmostrudelyandinsolentlytome(alas!
‘twassafetoinsultpovertyandmisfortune!)
,IwasgivenovertoSirP.’scare,andmadetopassthenightinanoldgloomybed,andbythesideofahorridgloomyoldcharwoman,whokeepsthehouse.
Ididnotsleeponesinglewinkthewholenight.
SirPittisnotwhatwesillygirls,whenweusedtoreadCeciliaatChiswick,imaginedabaronetmusthavebeen.
Anything,indeed,lesslikeLordOrvillecannotbeimagined.
Fancyanold,stumpy,short,vulgar,andverydirtyman,inoldclothesandshabbyoldgaiters,whosmokesahorridpipe,andcookshisownhorridsupperinasaucepan.
Hespeakswithacountryaccent,andsworeagreatdealattheoldcharwoman,atthehackneycoachmanwhodroveustotheinnwherethecoachwentfrom,andonwhichImadethejourneyOUTSIDEFORTHEGREATERPARTOFTHEWAY.
Iwasawakenedatdaybreakbythecharwoman,andhavingarrivedattheinn,wasatfirstplacedinsidethecoach.
But,whenwegottoaplacecalledLeakington,wheretherainbegantofallveryheavily—willyoubelieveit?
—Iwasforcedtocomeoutside;forSirPittisaproprietorofthecoach,andasapassengercameatMudbury,whowantedaninsideplace,Iwasobligedtogooutsideintherain,where,however,ayounggentlemanfromCambridgeCollegeshelteredmeverykindlyinoneofhisseveralgreatcoats.
ThisgentlemanandtheguardseemedtoknowSirPittverywell,andlaughedathimagreatdeal.
Theybothagreedincallinghimanoldscrew;whichmeansaverystingy,avariciousperson.
Henevergivesanymoneytoanybody,theysaid(andthismeannessIhate);andtheyounggentlemanmademeremarkthatwedroveveryslowforthelasttwostagesontheroad,becauseSirPittwasonthebox,andbecauseheisproprietorofthehorsesforthispartofthejourney.
“Butwon’tIflog‘emontoSquashmore,whenItaketheribbons?”saidtheyoungCantab.
“Andsarve‘emright,MasterJack,”saidtheguard.
WhenIcomprehendedthemeaningofthisphrase,andthatMasterJackintendedtodrivetherestoftheway,andrevengehimselfonSirPitt’shorses,ofcourseIlaughedtoo.
Acarriageandfoursplendidhorses,coveredwitharmorialbearings,however,awaitedusatMudbury,fourmilesfromQueen’sCrawley,andwemadeourentrancetothebaronet’sparkinstate.
Thereisafineavenueofamilelongleadingtothehouse,andthewomanatthelodge-gate(overthepillarsofwhichareaserpentandadove,thesupportersoftheCrawleyarms),madeusanumberofcurtsiesassheflungopentheoldironcarveddoors,whicharesomethinglikethoseatodiousChiswick.
“There’sanavenue,”saidSirPitt,“amilelong.
There’ssixthousandpoundoftimberinthemtheretrees.Doyoucallthatnothing?”
Hepronouncedavenue—EVENUE,andnothing—NOTHINK,sodroll;andhehadaMr.Hodson,hishindfromMudbury,intothecarriagewithhim,andtheytalkedaboutdistraining,andsellingup,anddrainingandsubsoiling,andagreatdealabouttenantsandfarming—muchmorethanIcouldunderstand.
SamMileshadbeencaughtpoaching,andPeterBaileyhadgonetotheworkhouseatlast.
“Servehimright,”saidSirPitt;“himandhisfamilyhasbeencheatingmeonthatfarmthesehundredandfiftyyears.”
Someoldtenant,Isuppose,whocouldnotpayhisrent.
SirPittmighthavesaid“heandhisfamily,”tobesure;butrichbaronetsdonotneedtobecarefulaboutgrammar,aspoorgovernessesmustbe.
Aswepassed,Iremarkedabeautifulchurch-spirerisingabovesomeoldelmsinthepark;andbeforethem,inthemidstofalawn,andsomeouthouses,anoldredhousewithtallchimneyscoveredwithivy,andthewindowsshininginthesun.“Isthatyourchurch,sir?”Isaid.
“Yes,hangit,”(saidSirPitt,onlyheused,dear,AMUCHWICKEDERWORD);“how’sButy,Hodson?Buty’smybrotherBute,mydear—mybrothertheparson.ButyandtheBeastIcallhim,ha,ha!”
Hodsonlaughedtoo,andthenlookingmoregraveandnoddinghishead,said,“I’mafraidhe’sbetter,SirPitt.Hewasoutonhisponyyesterday,lookingatourcorn.”
“Lookingafterhistithes,hang’un(onlyheusedthesamewickedword).Willbrandyandwaterneverkillhim?He’sastoughasoldwhatdyecallum—oldMethusalem.”
Mr.Hodsonlaughedagain.“Theyoungmenishomefromcollege.They’vewhoppedJohnScrogginstillhe’swellnighdead.”
“Whopmysecondkeeper!”roaredoutSirPitt.
“Hewasontheparson’sground,sir,”repliedMr.Hodson;andSirPittinafurysworethatifheevercaught‘empoachingonhisground,he’dtransport‘em,bythelordhewould.
However,hesaid,“I’vesoldthepresentationoftheliving,Hodson;noneofthatbreedshallgetit,Iwar’nt”;andMr.Hodsonsaidhewasquiteright:andIhavenodoubtfromthisthatthetwobrothersareatvariance—asbrothersoftenare,andsisterstoo.
Don’tyourememberthetwoMissScratchleysatChiswick,howtheyusedalwaystofightandquarrel—andMaryBox,howshewasalwaysthumpingLouisa?
Presently,seeingtwolittleboysgatheringsticksinthewood,Mr.Hodsonjumpedoutofthecarriage,atSirPitt’sorder,andrusheduponthemwithhiswhip.
“Pitchinto‘em,Hodson,”roaredthebaronet;“flogtheirlittlesoulsout,andbring‘emuptothehouse,thevagabonds;I’llcommit‘emassureasmyname’sPitt.”
AndpresentlyweheardMr.Hodson’swhipcrackingontheshouldersofthepoorlittleblubberingwretches,andSirPitt,seeingthatthemalefactorswereincustody,droveontothehall.
Alltheservantswerereadytomeetus,and...
Here,mydear,Iwasinterruptedlastnightbyadreadfulthumpingatmydoor:andwhodoyouthinkitwas?
SirPittCrawleyinhisnight-capanddressing-gown,suchafigure!
AsIshrankawayfromsuchavisitor,hecameforwardandseizedmycandle.
“Nocandlesaftereleveno’clock,MissBecky,”saidhe.
“Gotobedinthedark,youprettylittlehussy”(thatiswhathecalledme),“andunlessyouwishmetocomeforthecandleeverynight,mindandbeinbedateleven.”
Andwiththis,heandMr.Horrocksthebutlerwentofflaughing.
YoumaybesureIshallnotencourageanymoreoftheirvisits.
Theyletloosetwoimmensebloodhoundsatnight,whichalllastnightwereyellingandhowlingatthemoon.
“IcallthedogGorer,”saidSirPitt;“he’skilledamanthatdoghas,andismasterofabull,andthemotherIusedtocallFlora;butnowIcallsherAroarer,forshe’stoooldtobite.Haw,haw!”
BeforethehouseofQueen’sCrawley,whichisanodiousold-fashionedredbrickmansion,withtallchimneysandgablesofthestyleofQueenBess,thereisaterraceflankedbythefamilydoveandserpent,andonwhichthegreathall-dooropens.
Andoh,mydear,thegreathallIamsureisasbigandasglumasthegreathallinthedearcastleofUdolpho.
Ithasalargefireplace,inwhichwemightputhalfMissPinkerton’sschool,andthegrateisbigenoughtoroastanoxattheveryleast.
RoundtheroomhangIdon’tknowhowmanygenerationsofCrawleys,somewithbeardsandruffs,somewithhugewigsandtoesturnedout,somedressedinlongstraightstaysandgownsthatlookasstiffastowers,andsomewithlongringlets,andoh,mydear!scarcelyanystaysatall.
Atoneendofthehallisthegreatstaircaseallinblackoak,asdismalasmaybe,andoneithersidearetalldoorswithstags’headsoverthem,leadingtothebilliard-roomandthelibrary,andthegreatyellowsaloonandthemorning-rooms.
Ithinkthereareatleasttwentybedroomsonthefirstfloor;oneofthemhasthebedinwhichQueenElizabethslept;andIhavebeentakenbymynewpupilsthroughallthesefineapartmentsthismorning.
Theyarenotrenderedlessgloomy,Ipromiseyou,byhavingtheshuttersalwaysshut;andthereisscarceoneoftheapartments,butwhenthelightwasletintoit,Iexpectedtoseeaghostintheroom.
Wehaveaschoolroomonthesecondfloor,withmybedroomleadingintoitononeside,andthatoftheyoungladiesontheother.
ThenthereareMr.Pitt’sapartments—Mr.Crawley,heiscalled—theeldestson,andMr.RawdonCrawley’srooms—heisanofficerlikeSOMEBODY,andawaywithhisregiment.ThereisnowantofroomIassureyou.
YoumightlodgeallthepeopleinRussellSquareinthehouse,Ithink,andhavespacetospare.
Halfanhourafterourarrival,thegreatdinner-bellwasrung,andIcamedownwithmytwopupils(theyareverythininsignificantlittlechitsoftenandeightyearsold).
Icamedowninyourdearmuslingown(aboutwhichthatodiousMrs.Pinnerwassorude,becauseyougaveitme);forIamtobetreatedasoneofthefamily,exceptoncompanydays,whentheyoungladiesandIaretodineupstairs.
Well,thegreatdinner-bellrang,andweallassembledinthelittledrawing-roomwheremyLadyCrawleysits.
SheisthesecondLadyCrawley,andmotheroftheyoungladies.
Shewasanironmonger’sdaughter,andhermarriagewasthoughtagreatmatch.
Shelooksasifshehadbeenhandsomeonce,andhereyesarealwaysweepingforthelossofherbeauty.
Sheispaleandmeagreandhigh-shouldered,andhasnotawordtosayforherself,evidently.
HerstepsonMr.Crawley,waslikewiseintheroom.
Hewasinfulldress,aspompousasanundertaker.
Heispale,thin,ugly,silent;hehasthinlegs,nochest,hay-colouredwhiskers,andstraw-colouredhair.
Heistheverypictureofhissaintedmotheroverthemantelpiece—GriseldaofthenoblehouseofBinkie.
“Thisisthenewgoverness,Mr.Crawley,”saidLadyCrawley,comingforwardandtakingmyhand.“MissSharp.”
“O!”saidMr.Crawley,andpushedhisheadonceforwardandbeganagaintoreadagreatpamphletwithwhichhewasbusy.
“Ihopeyouwillbekindtomygirls,”saidLadyCrawley,withherpinkeyesalwaysfulloftears.
“Law,Ma,ofcourseshewill,”saidtheeldest:andIsawataglancethatIneednotbeafraidofTHATwoman.
“Myladyisserved,”saysthebutlerinblack,inanimmensewhiteshirt-frill,thatlookedasifithadbeenoneoftheQueenElizabeth’sruffsdepictedinthehall;andso,takingMr.Crawley’sarm,sheledthewaytothedining-room,whitherIfollowedwithmylittlepupilsineachhand.
SirPittwasalreadyintheroomwithasilverjug.
Hehadjustbeentothecellar,andwasinfulldresstoo;thatis,hehadtakenhisgaitersoff,andshowedhislittledumpylegsinblackworstedstockings.
Thesideboardwascoveredwithglisteningoldplate—oldcups,bothgoldandsilver;oldsalversandcruet-stands,likeRundellandBridge’sshop.
Everythingonthetablewasinsilvertoo,andtwofootmen,withredhairandcanary-colouredliveries,stoodoneithersideofthesideboard.
Mr.Crawleysaidalonggrace,andSirPittsaidamen,andthegreatsilverdish-coverswereremoved.
“Whathavewefordinner,Betsy?’saidtheBaronet.
“Muttonbroth,Ibelieve,SirPitt,”answeredLadyCrawley.
“Moutonauxnavets,”addedthebutlergravely(pronounce,ifyouplease,moutongonavvy);“andthesoupispotagedemoutonal’Ecossaise.
Theside-dishescontainpommesdeterreaunaturel,andchoufleural’eau.”
“Mutton’smutton,”saidtheBaronet,“andadevilishgoodthing.WhatSHIPwasit,Horrocks,andwhendidyoukill?”“Oneoftheblack-facedScotch,SirPitt:wekilledonThursday.
“Whotookany?”
“Steel,ofMudbury,tookthesaddleandtwolegs,SirPitt;buthesaysthelastwastooyoungandconfoundedwoolly,SirPitt.”
“Willyoutakesomepotage,Missah—MissBlunt?saidMr.Crawley.
“CapitalScotchbroth,mydear,”saidSirPitt,“thoughtheycallitbyaFrenchname.”
“Ibelieveitisthecustom,sir,indecentsociety,”saidMr.Crawley,haughtily,“tocallthedishasIhavecalledit”;anditwasservedtousonsilversoupplatesbythefootmeninthecanarycoats,withthemoutonauxnavets.
Then“aleandwater”werebrought,andservedtousyoungladiesinwine-glasses.
Iamnotajudgeofale,butIcansaywithaclearconscienceIpreferwater.
Whilewewereenjoyingourrepast,SirPitttookoccasiontoaskwhathadbecomeoftheshouldersofthemutton.
“Ibelievetheywereeatenintheservants’hall,”saidmylady,humbly.
“Theywas,mylady,”saidHorrocks,“andpreciouslittleelsewegetthereneither.”
SirPittburstintoahorse-laugh,andcontinuedhisconversationwithMr.Horrocks.“ThattherelittleblackpigoftheKentsow’sbreedmustbeuncommonfatnow.”
“It’snotquitebusting,SirPitt,”saidthebutlerwiththegravestair,atwhichSirPitt,andwithhimtheyoungladies,thistime,begantolaughviolently.
“MissCrawley,MissRoseCrawley,”saidMr.Crawley,“yourlaughterstrikesmeasbeingexceedinglyoutofplace.”
“Nevermind,mylord,”saidtheBaronet,“we’lltrytheporkeronSaturday.KillunonSaturdaymorning,JohnHorrocks.MissSharpadorespork,don’tyou,MissSharp?”
AndIthinkthisisalltheconversationthatIrememberatdinner.
WhentherepastwasconcludedajugofhotwaterwasplacedbeforeSirPitt,withacase-bottlecontaining,Ibelieve,rum.
Mr.Horrocksservedmyselfandmypupilswiththreelittleglassesofwine,andabumperwaspouredoutformylady.
Whenweretired,shetookfromherwork-draweranenormousinterminablepieceofknitting;theyoungladiesbegantoplayatcribbagewithadirtypackofcards.
Wehadbutonecandlelighted,butitwasinamagnificentoldsilvercandlestick,andafteraveryfewquestionsfrommylady,Ihadmychoiceofamusementbetweenavolumeofsermons,andapamphletonthecorn-laws,whichMr.Crawleyhadbeenreadingbeforedinner.
Sowesatforanhouruntilstepswereheard.
“Putawaythecards,girls,”criedmylady,inagreattremor;“putdownMr.Crawley’sbooks,MissSharp”;andtheseordershadbeenscarcelyobeyed,whenMr.Crawleyenteredtheroom.
“Wewillresumeyesterday’sdiscourse,youngladies,”saidhe,“andyoushalleachreadapagebyturns;sothatMissa—MissShortmayhaveanopportunityofhearingyou”;andthepoorgirlsbegantospellalongdismalsermondeliveredatBethesdaChapel,Liverpool,onbehalfofthemissionfortheChickasawIndians.Wasitnotacharmingevening?
AttentheservantsweretoldtocallSirPittandthehouseholdtoprayers.
SirPittcameinfirst,verymuchflushed,andratherunsteadyinhisgait;andafterhimthebutler,thecanaries,Mr.Crawley’sman,threeothermen,smellingverymuchofthestable,andfourwomen,oneofwhom,Iremarked,wasverymuchoverdressed,andwhoflungmealookofgreatscornassheplumpeddownonherknees.
AfterMr.Crawleyhaddoneharanguingandexpounding,wereceivedourcandles,andthenwewenttobed;andthenIwasdisturbedinmywriting,asIhavedescribedtomydearestsweetestAmelia.
Goodnight.Athousand,thousand,thousandkisses!
Saturday.—Thismorning,atfive,Iheardtheshriekingofthelittleblackpig.
RoseandVioletintroducedmetoityesterday;andtothestables,andtothekennel,andtothegardener,whowaspickingfruittosendtomarket,andfromwhomtheybeggedhardabunchofhot-housegrapes;buthesaidthatSirPitthadnumberedevery“ManJack”ofthem,anditwouldbeasmuchashisplacewasworthtogiveanyaway.
Thedarlinggirlscaughtacoltinapaddock,andaskedmeifIwouldride,andbegantoridethemselves,whenthegroom,comingwithhorridoaths,drovethemaway.
LadyCrawleyisalwaysknittingtheworsted.
SirPittisalwaystipsy,everynight;and,Ibelieve,sitswithHorrocks,thebutler.
Mr.Crawleyalwaysreadssermonsintheevening,andinthemorningislockedupinhisstudy,orelseridestoMudbury,oncountybusiness,ortoSquashmore,wherehepreaches,onWednesdaysandFridays,tothetenantsthere.
Ahundredthousandgratefullovestoyourdearpapaandmamma.Isyourpoorbrotherrecoveredofhisrack-punch?Oh,dear!Oh,dear!Howmenshouldbewareofwickedpunch!
EverandeverthineownREBECCA
Everythingconsidered,IthinkitisquiteaswellforourdearAmeliaSedley,inRussellSquare,thatMissSharpandsheareparted.
Rebeccaisadrollfunnycreature,tobesure;andthosedescriptionsofthepoorladyweepingforthelossofherbeauty,andthegentleman“withhay-colouredwhiskersandstraw-colouredhair,”areverysmart,doubtless,andshowagreatknowledgeoftheworld.
Thatshemight,whenonherknees,havebeenthinkingofsomethingbetterthanMissHorrocks’sribbons,haspossiblystruckbothofus.
Butmykindreaderwillpleasetorememberthatthishistoryhas“VanityFair”foratitle,andthatVanityFairisaveryvain,wicked,foolishplace,fullofallsortsofhumbugsandfalsenessesandpretensions.
Andwhilethemoralist,whoisholdingforthonthecover(anaccurateportraitofyourhumbleservant),professestowearneithergownnorbands,butonlytheverysamelong-earedliveryinwhichhiscongregationisarrayed:yet,lookyou,oneisboundtospeakthetruthasfarasoneknowsit,whetheronemountsacapandbellsorashovelhat;andadealofdisagreeablemattermustcomeoutinthecourseofsuchanundertaking.
Ihaveheardabrotherofthestory-tellingtrade,atNaples,preachingtoapackofgood-for-nothinghonestlazyfellowsbythesea-shore,workhimselfupintosucharageandpassionwithsomeofthevillainswhosewickeddeedshewasdescribingandinventing,thattheaudiencecouldnotresistit;andtheyandthepoettogetherwouldburstoutintoaroarofoathsandexecrationsagainstthefictitiousmonsterofthetale,sothatthehatwentround,andthebajocchitumbledintoit,inthemidstofaperfectstormofsympathy.
AtthelittleParistheatres,ontheotherhand,youwillnotonlyhearthepeopleyellingout“Ahgredin!
Ahmonstre:”andcursingthetyrantoftheplayfromtheboxes;buttheactorsthemselvespositivelyrefusetoplaythewickedparts,suchasthoseofinfamesAnglais,brutalCossacks,andwhatnot,andprefertoappearatasmallersalary,intheirrealcharactersasloyalFrenchmen.
Isetthetwostoriesoneagainsttheother,sothatyoumayseethatitisnotfrommeremercenarymotivesthatthepresentperformerisdesiroustoshowupandtrouncehisvillains;butbecausehehasasincerehatredofthem,whichhecannotkeepdown,andwhichmustfindaventinsuitableabuseandbadlanguage.
Iwarnmy“kyindfriends,”then,thatIamgoingtotellastoryofharrowingvillainyandcomplicated—but,asItrust,intenselyinteresting—crime.
Myrascalsarenomilk-and-waterrascals,Ipromiseyou.
Whenwecometotheproperplaceswewon’tsparefinelanguage—No,no!
Butwhenwearegoingoverthequietcountrywemustperforcebecalm.Atempestinaslop-basinisabsurd.
Wewillreservethatsortofthingforthemightyoceanandthelonelymidnight.ThepresentChapterisverymild.
Others—ButwewillnotanticipateTHOSE.
And,aswebringourcharactersforward,Iwillaskleave,asamanandabrother,notonlytointroducethem,butoccasionallytostepdownfromtheplatform,andtalkaboutthem:iftheyaregoodandkindly,tolovethemandshakethembythehand:iftheyaresilly,tolaughatthemconfidentiallyinthereader’ssleeve:iftheyarewickedandheartless,toabusetheminthestrongesttermswhichpolitenessadmitsof.
OtherwiseyoumightfancyitwasIwhowassneeringatthepracticeofdevotion,whichMissSharpfindssoridiculous;thatitwasIwholaughedgood-humouredlyatthereelingoldSilenusofabaronet—whereasthelaughtercomesfromonewhohasnoreverenceexceptforprosperity,andnoeyeforanythingbeyondsuccess.
Suchpeopletherearelivingandflourishingintheworld—Faithless,Hopeless,Charityless:letushaveatthem,dearfriends,withmightandmain.
Somethereare,andverysuccessfultoo,merequacksandfools:anditwastocombatandexposesuchasthose,nodoubt,thatLaughterwasmade.
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