English
Averystout,puffyman,inbuckskinsandHessianboots,withseveralimmenseneckclothsthatrosealmosttohisnose,witharedstripedwaistcoatandanapplegreencoatwithsteelbuttonsalmostaslargeascrownpieces(itwasthemorningcostumeofadandyorbloodofthosedays)wasreadingthepaperbythefirewhenthetwogirlsentered,andbouncedoffhisarm-chair,andblushedexcessively,andhidhisentirefacealmostinhisneckclothsatthisapparition.
“It’sonlyyoursister,Joseph,”saidAmelia,laughingandshakingthetwofingerswhichheheldout.
“I’vecomehomeforgood,youknow;andthisismyfriend,MissSharp,whomyouhaveheardmemention.”
“No,never,uponmyword,”saidtheheadundertheneckcloth,shakingverymuch—“thatis,yes—whatabominablycoldweather,Miss”—andherewithhefelltopokingthefirewithallhismight,althoughitwasinthemiddleofJune.
“He’sveryhandsome,”whisperedRebeccatoAmelia,ratherloud.
“Doyouthinkso?”saidthelatter.“I’lltellhim.”
“Darling!notforworlds,”saidMissSharp,startingbackastimidasafawn.
Shehadpreviouslymadearespectfulvirgin-likecurtseytothegentleman,andhermodesteyesgazedsoperseveringlyonthecarpetthatitwasawonderhowsheshouldhavefoundanopportunitytoseehim.
“Thankyouforthebeautifulshawls,brother,”saidAmeliatothefirepoker.“Aretheynotbeautiful,Rebecca?”
“Oheavenly!”saidMissSharp,andhereyeswentfromthecarpetstraighttothechandelier.
Josephstillcontinuedahugeclatteringatthepokerandtongs,puffingandblowingthewhile,andturningasredashisyellowfacewouldallowhim.
“Ican’tmakeyousuchhandsomepresents,Joseph,”continuedhissister,“butwhileIwasatschool,Ihaveembroideredforyouaverybeautifulpairofbraces.”
“GoodGad!Amelia,”criedthebrother,inseriousalarm,“whatdoyoumean?”
andplungingwithallhismightatthebell-rope,thatarticleoffurniturecameawayinhishand,andincreasedthehonestfellow’sconfusion.
“Forheaven’ssakeseeifmybuggy’satthedoor.Ican’twait.Imustgo.D—thatgroomofmine.Imustgo.”
Atthisminutethefatherofthefamilywalkedin,rattlinghissealslikeatrueBritishmerchant.“What’sthematter,Emmy?”sayshe.
“Josephwantsmetoseeifhis—hisbuggyisatthedoor.Whatisabuggy,Papa?”
“Itisaone-horsepalanquin,”saidtheoldgentleman,whowasawaginhisway.
Josephatthisburstoutintoawildfitoflaughter;inwhich,encounteringtheeyeofMissSharp,hestoppedallofasudden,asifhehadbeenshot.
“Thisyoungladyisyourfriend?MissSharp,Iamveryhappytoseeyou.HaveyouandEmmybeenquarrellingalreadywithJoseph,thathewantstobeoff?”
“IpromisedBonamyofourservice,sir,”saidJoseph,“todinewithhim.”
“Ofie!didn’tyoutellyourmotheryouwoulddinehere?”
“Butinthisdressit’simpossible.”
“Lookathim,isn’thehandsomeenoughtodineanywhere,MissSharp?”
Onwhich,ofcourse,MissSharplookedatherfriend,andtheybothsetoffinafitoflaughter,highlyagreeabletotheoldgentleman.
“DidyoueverseeapairofbuckskinslikethoseatMissPinkerton’s?”continuedhe,followinguphisadvantage.
“Graciousheavens!Father,”criedJoseph.
“Therenow,Ihavehurthisfeelings.Mrs.Sedley,mydear,Ihavehurtyourson’sfeelings.Ihavealludedtohisbuckskins.AskMissSharpifIhaven’t?
Come,Joseph,befriendswithMissSharp,andletusallgotodinner.”
“There’sapillau,Joseph,justasyoulikeit,andPapahasbroughthomethebestturbotinBillingsgate.”
“Come,come,sir,walkdownstairswithMissSharp,andIwillfollowwiththesetwoyoungwomen,”saidthefather,andhetookanarmofwifeanddaughterandwalkedmerrilyoff.
IfMissRebeccaSharphaddeterminedinherheartuponmakingtheconquestofthisbigbeau,Idon’tthink,ladies,wehaveanyrighttoblameher;forthoughthetaskofhusband-huntingisgenerally,andwithbecomingmodesty,entrustedbyyoungpersonstotheirmammas,recollectthatMissSharphadnokindparenttoarrangethesedelicatemattersforher,andthatifshedidnotgetahusbandforherself,therewasnooneelseinthewideworldwhowouldtakethetroubleoffherhands.
Whatcausesyoungpeopleto“comeout,”butthenobleambitionofmatrimony?
Whatsendsthemtroopingtowatering-places?
Whatkeepsthemdancingtillfiveo’clockinthemorningthroughawholemortalseason?
Whatcausesthemtolabouratpianofortesonatas,andtolearnfoursongsfromafashionablemasterataguineaalesson,andtoplaytheharpiftheyhavehandsomearmsandneatelbows,andtowearLincolnGreentoxophilitehatsandfeathers,butthattheymaybringdownsome“desirable”youngmanwiththosekillingbowsandarrowsoftheirs?
Whatcausesrespectableparentstotakeuptheircarpets,settheirhousestopsy-turvy,andspendafifthoftheiryear’sincomeinballsuppersandicedchampagne?
Isitsheerloveoftheirspecies,andanunadulteratedwishtoseeyoungpeoplehappyanddancing?Psha!
theywanttomarrytheirdaughters;and,ashonestMrs.Sedleyhas,inthedepthsofherkindheart,alreadyarrangedascoreoflittleschemesforthesettlementofherAmelia,soalsohadourbelovedbutunprotectedRebeccadeterminedtodoherverybesttosecurethehusband,whowasevenmorenecessaryforherthanforherfriend.
Shehadavividimagination;shehad,besides,readtheArabianNightsandGuthrie’sGeography;anditisafactthatwhileshewasdressingfordinner,andaftershehadaskedAmeliawhetherherbrotherwasveryrich,shehadbuiltforherselfamostmagnificentcastleintheair,ofwhichshewasmistress,withahusbandsomewhereinthebackground(shehadnotseenhimasyet,andhisfigurewouldnotthereforebeverydistinct);shehadarrayedherselfinaninfinityofshawls,turbans,anddiamondnecklaces,andhadmounteduponanelephanttothesoundofthemarchinBluebeard,inordertopayavisitofceremonytotheGrandMogul.
CharmingAlnascharvisions!
itisthehappyprivilegeofyouthtoconstructyou,andmanyafancifulyoungcreaturebesidesRebeccaSharphasindulgedinthesedelightfulday-dreamserenow!
JosephSedleywastwelveyearsolderthanhissisterAmelia.
HewasintheEastIndiaCompany’sCivilService,andhisnameappeared,attheperiodofwhichwewrite,intheBengaldivisionoftheEastIndiaRegister,ascollectorofBoggleyWollah,anhonourableandlucrativepost,aseverybodyknows:inordertoknowtowhathigherpostsJosephroseintheservice,thereaderisreferredtothesameperiodical.
BoggleyWollahissituatedinafine,lonely,marshy,junglydistrict,famousforsnipe-shooting,andwherenotunfrequentlyyoumayflushatiger.
Ramgunge,wherethereisamagistrate,isonlyfortymilesoff,andthereisacavalrystationaboutthirtymilesfarther;soJosephwrotehometohisparents,whenhetookpossessionofhiscollectorship.
Hehadlivedforabouteightyearsofhislife,quitealone,atthischarmingplace,scarcelyseeingaChristianfaceexcepttwiceayear,whenthedetachmentarrivedtocarryofftherevenueswhichhehadcollected,toCalcutta.
Luckily,atthistimehecaughtalivercomplaint,forthecureofwhichhereturnedtoEurope,andwhichwasthesourceofgreatcomfortandamusementtohiminhisnativecountry.
HedidnotlivewithhisfamilywhileinLondon,buthadlodgingsofhisown,likeagayyoungbachelor.
BeforehewenttoIndiahewastooyoungtopartakeofthedelightfulpleasuresofamanabouttown,andplungedintothemonhisreturnwithconsiderableassiduity.
HedrovehishorsesinthePark;hedinedatthefashionabletaverns(fortheOrientalClubwasnotasyetinvented);hefrequentedthetheatres,asthemodewasinthosedays,ormadehisappearanceattheopera,laboriouslyattiredintightsandacockedhat.
OnreturningtoIndia,andeverafter,heusedtotalkofthepleasureofthisperiodofhisexistencewithgreatenthusiasm,andgiveyoutounderstandthatheandBrummelweretheleadingbucksoftheday.
ButhewasaslonelyhereasinhisjungleatBoggleyWollah.
Hescarcelyknewasinglesoulinthemetropolis:andwereitnotforhisdoctor,andthesocietyofhisblue-pill,andhislivercomplaint,hemusthavediedofloneliness.
Hewaslazy,peevish,andabon-vivan;theappearanceofaladyfrightenedhimbeyondmeasure;henceitwasbutseldomthathejoinedthepaternalcircleinRussellSquare,wheretherewasplentyofgaiety,andwherethejokesofhisgood-naturedoldfatherfrightenedhisamour-propre.
HisbulkcausedJosephmuchanxiousthoughtandalarm;nowandthenhewouldmakeadesperateattempttogetridofhissuperabundantfat;buthisindolenceandloveofgoodlivingspeedilygotthebetteroftheseendeavoursatreform,andhefoundhimselfagainathisthreemealsaday.
Heneverwaswelldressed;buthetookthehugestpainstoadornhisbigperson,andpassedmanyhoursdailyinthatoccupation.
Hisvaletmadeafortuneoutofhiswardrobe:histoilet-tablewascoveredwithasmanypomatumsandessencesaseverwereemployedbyanoldbeauty:hehadtried,inordertogivehimselfawaist,everygirth,stay,andwaistbandtheninvented.
Likemostfatmen,hewouldhavehisclothesmadetootight,andtookcaretheyshouldbeofthemostbrilliantcoloursandyouthfulcut.
Whendressedatlength,intheafternoon,hewouldissueforthtotakeadrivewithnobodyinthePark;andthenwouldcomebackinordertodressagainandgoanddinewithnobodyatthePiazzaCoffee-House.
Hewasasvainasagirl;andperhapshisextremeshynesswasoneoftheresultsofhisextremevanity.
IfMissRebeccacangetthebetterofhim,andatherfirstentranceintolife,sheisayoungpersonofnoordinarycleverness.
Thefirstmoveshowedconsiderableskill.
WhenshecalledSedleyaveryhandsomeman,sheknewthatAmeliawouldtellhermother,whowouldprobablytellJoseph,orwho,atanyrate,wouldbepleasedbythecomplimentpaidtoherson.Allmothersare.
IfyouhadtoldSycoraxthathersonCalibanwasashandsomeasApollo,shewouldhavebeenpleased,witchasshewas.
Perhaps,too,JosephSedleywouldoverhearthecompliment—Rebeccaspokeloudenough—andhedidhear,and(thinkinginhisheartthathewasaveryfineman)thepraisethrilledthrougheveryfibreofhisbigbody,andmadeittinglewithpleasure.Then,however,camearecoil.“Isthegirlmakingfunofme?”
hethought,andstraightwayhebouncedtowardsthebell,andwasforretreating,aswehaveseen,whenhisfather’sjokesandhismother’sentreatiescausedhimtopauseandstaywherehewas.
Heconductedtheyoungladydowntodinnerinadubiousandagitatedframeofmind.“DoesshereallythinkIamhandsome?”
thoughthe,“orissheonlymakinggameofme?”
WehavetalkedofJosephSedleybeingasvainasagirl.Heavenhelpus!
thegirlshaveonlytoturnthetables,andsayofoneoftheirownsex,“Sheisasvainasaman,”andtheywillhaveperfectreason.
Thebeardedcreaturesarequiteaseagerforpraise,quiteasfinikinovertheirtoilettes,quiteasproudoftheirpersonaladvantages,quiteasconsciousoftheirpowersoffascination,asanycoquetteintheworld.
Downstairs,then,theywent,Josephveryredandblushing,Rebeccaverymodest,andholdinghergreeneyesdownwards.
Shewasdressedinwhite,withbareshouldersaswhiteassnow—thepictureofyouth,unprotectedinnocence,andhumblevirginsimplicity.
“Imustbeveryquiet,”thoughtRebecca,“andverymuchinterestedaboutIndia.”
NowwehaveheardhowMrs.Sedleyhadpreparedafinecurryforherson,justashelikedit,andinthecourseofdinneraportionofthisdishwasofferedtoRebecca.“Whatisit?”
saidshe,turninganappealinglooktoMr.Joseph.
“Capital,”saidhe.Hismouthwasfullofit:hisfacequiteredwiththedelightfulexerciseofgobbling.“Mother,it’sasgoodasmyowncurriesinIndia.”
“Oh,Imusttrysome,ifitisanIndiandish,”saidMissRebecca.“Iamsureeverythingmustbegoodthatcomesfromthere.”
“GiveMissSharpsomecurry,mydear,”saidMr.Sedley,laughing.
Rebeccahadnevertastedthedishbefore.
“DoyoufinditasgoodaseverythingelsefromIndia?”saidMr.Sedley.
“Oh,excellent!”saidRebecca,whowassufferingtortureswiththecayennepepper.
“Tryachiliwithit,MissSharp,”saidJoseph,reallyinterested.
“Achili,”saidRebecca,gasping.“Ohyes!”
Shethoughtachiliwassomethingcool,asitsnameimported,andwasservedwithsome.
“Howfreshandgreentheylook,”shesaid,andputoneintohermouth.
Itwashotterthanthecurry;fleshandbloodcouldbearitnolonger.Shelaiddownherfork.“Water,forHeaven’ssake,water!”shecried.
Mr.Sedleyburstoutlaughing(hewasacoarseman,fromtheStockExchange,wheretheyloveallsortsofpracticaljokes).
“TheyarerealIndian,Iassureyou,”saidhe.“Sambo,giveMissSharpsomewater.”
ThepaternallaughwasechoedbyJoseph,whothoughtthejokecapital.Theladiesonlysmiledalittle.
TheythoughtpoorRebeccasufferedtoomuch.
ShewouldhavelikedtochokeoldSedley,butsheswallowedhermortificationaswellasshehadtheabominablecurrybeforeit,andassoonasshecouldspeak,said,withacomical,good-humouredair,“IoughttohaverememberedthepepperwhichthePrincessofPersiaputsinthecream-tartsintheArabianNights.
Doyouputcayenneintoyourcream-tartsinIndia,sir?”
OldSedleybegantolaugh,andthoughtRebeccawasagood-humouredgirl.Josephsimplysaid,“Cream-tarts,Miss?OurcreamisverybadinBengal.
Wegenerallyusegoats’milk;and,‘gad,doyouknow,I’vegottopreferit!”
“Youwon’tlikeeverythingfromIndianow,MissSharp,”saidtheoldgentleman;butwhentheladieshadretiredafterdinner,thewilyoldfellowsaidtohisson,“Haveacare,Joe;thatgirlissettinghercapatyou.”
“Pooh!nonsense!”saidJoe,highlyflattered.
“Irecollect,sir,therewasagirlatDumdum,adaughterofCutleroftheArtillery,andafterwardsmarriedtoLance,thesurgeon,whomadeadeadsetatmeintheyear‘4—atmeandMulligatawney,whomImentionedtoyoubeforedinner—adevilishgoodfellowMulligatawney—he’samagistrateatBudgebudge,andsuretobeincouncilinfiveyears.
Well,sir,theArtillerygaveaball,andQuintin,oftheKing’s14th,saidtome,‘Sedley,’saidhe,‘IbetyouthirteentotenthatSophyCutlerhookseitheryouorMulligatawneybeforetherains.’
‘Done,’saysI;andegad,sir—thisclaret’sverygood.Adamson’sorCarbonell’s?”
Aslightsnorewastheonlyreply:thehoneststockbrokerwasasleep,andsotherestofJoseph’sstorywaslostforthatday.
Buthewasalwaysexceedinglycommunicativeinaman’sparty,andhastoldthisdelightfultalemanyscoresoftimestohisapothecary,Dr.Gollop,whenhecametoinquireabouttheliverandtheblue-pill.
Beinganinvalid,JosephSedleycontentedhimselfwithabottleofclaretbesideshisMadeiraatdinner,andhemanagedacoupleofplatesfullofstrawberriesandcream,andtwenty-fourlittleroutcakesthatwerelyingneglectedinaplatenearhim,andcertainly(fornovelistshavetheprivilegeofknowingeverything)hethoughtagreatdealaboutthegirlupstairs.
“Anice,gay,merryyoungcreature,”thoughthetohimself.
“HowshelookedatmewhenIpickedupherhandkerchiefatdinner!Shedroppedittwice.Who’sthatsinginginthedrawing-room?‘Gad!shallIgoupandsee?”
Buthismodestycamerushinguponhimwithuncontrollableforce.
Hisfatherwasasleep:hishatwasinthehall:therewasahackney-coachstandinghardbyinSouthamptonRow.
“I’llgoandseetheFortyThieves,”saidhe,“andMissDecamp’sdance”;andheslippedawaygentlyonthepointedtoesofhisboots,anddisappeared,withoutwakinghisworthyparent.
“TheregoesJoseph,”saidAmelia,whowaslookingfromtheopenwindowsofthedrawing-room,whileRebeccawassingingatthepiano.
“MissSharphasfrightenedhimaway,”saidMrs.Sedley.“PoorJoe,whywillhebesoshy?”
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