English
NeverdidthesungodownwithabrightergloryonthequietcornerinSoho,thanonememorableeveningwhentheDoctorandhisdaughtersatundertheplane-treetogether.
NeverdidthemoonrisewithamilderradianceovergreatLondon,thanonthatnightwhenitfoundthemstillseatedunderthetree,andshoneupontheirfacesthroughitsleaves.
Luciewastobemarriedto-morrow.Shehadreservedthislasteveningforherfather,andtheysataloneundertheplane-tree.
“Youarehappy,mydearfather?”
“Quite,mychild.”
Theyhadsaidlittle,thoughtheyhadbeentherealongtime.
Whenitwasyetlightenoughtoworkandread,shehadneitherengagedherselfinherusualwork,norhadshereadtohim.
Shehademployedherselfinbothways,athissideunderthetree,manyandmanyatime;but,thistimewasnotquitelikeanyother,andnothingcouldmakeitso.
“AndIamveryhappyto-night,dearfather.
IamdeeplyhappyinthelovethatHeavenhassoblessed—myloveforCharles,andCharles’sloveforme.
But,ifmylifewerenottobestillconsecratedtoyou,orifmymarriageweresoarrangedasthatitwouldpartus,evenbythelengthofafewofthesestreets,Ishouldbemoreunhappyandself-reproachfulnowthanIcantellyou.Evenasitis—”
Evenasitwas,shecouldnotcommandhervoice.
Inthesadmoonlight,sheclaspedhimbytheneck,andlaidherfaceuponhisbreast.
Inthemoonlightwhichisalwayssad,asthelightofthesunitselfis—asthelightcalledhumanlifeis—atitscominganditsgoing.
“Dearestdear!Canyoutellme,thislasttime,thatyoufeelquite,quitesure,nonewaffectionsofmine,andnonewdutiesofmine,willeverinterposebetweenus?Iknowitwell,butdoyouknowit?
Inyourownheart,doyoufeelquitecertain?”
Herfatheranswered,withacheerfulfirmnessofconvictionhecouldscarcelyhaveassumed,“Quitesure,mydarling!
Morethanthat,”headded,ashetenderlykissedher:“myfutureisfarbrighter,Lucie,seenthroughyourmarriage,thanitcouldhavebeen—nay,thaniteverwas—withoutit.”
“IfIcouldhopeTHAT,myfather!—”
“Believeit,love!Indeeditisso.
Considerhownaturalandhowplainitis,mydear,thatitshouldbeso.
You,devotedandyoung,cannotfullyappreciatetheanxietyIhavefeltthatyourlifeshouldnotbewasted—”
Shemovedherhandtowardshislips,buthetookitinhis,andrepeatedtheword.
”—wasted,mychild—shouldnotbewasted,struckasidefromthenaturalorderofthings—formysake.
Yourunselfishnesscannotentirelycomprehendhowmuchmymindhasgoneonthis;but,onlyaskyourself,howcouldmyhappinessbeperfect,whileyourswasincomplete?”
“IfIhadneverseenCharles,myfather,Ishouldhavebeenquitehappywithyou.”
HesmiledatherunconsciousadmissionthatshewouldhavebeenunhappywithoutCharles,havingseenhim;andreplied:
“Mychild,youdidseehim,anditisCharles.
IfithadnotbeenCharles,itwouldhavebeenanother.
Or,ifithadbeennoother,Ishouldhavebeenthecause,andthenthedarkpartofmylifewouldhavecastitsshadowbeyondmyself,andwouldhavefallenonyou.”
Itwasthefirsttime,exceptatthetrial,ofhereverhearinghimrefertotheperiodofhissuffering.
Itgaveherastrangeandnewsensationwhilehiswordswereinherears;andsheremembereditlongafterwards.
“See!”saidtheDoctorofBeauvais,raisinghishandtowardsthemoon.
“Ihavelookedatherfrommyprison-window,whenIcouldnotbearherlight.
IhavelookedatherwhenithasbeensuchtorturetometothinkofhershininguponwhatIhadlost,thatIhavebeatenmyheadagainstmyprison-walls.
Ihavelookedather,inastatesodunandlethargic,thatIhavethoughtofnothingbutthenumberofhorizontallinesIcoulddrawacrossheratthefull,andthenumberofperpendicularlineswithwhichIcouldintersectthem.”
Headdedinhisinwardandponderingmanner,ashelookedatthemoon,“Itwastwentyeitherway,Iremember,andthetwentiethwasdifficulttosqueezein.”
Thestrangethrillwithwhichsheheardhimgobacktothattime,deepenedashedweltuponit;but,therewasnothingtoshockherinthemannerofhisreference.
Heonlyseemedtocontrasthispresentcheerfulnessandfelicitywiththedireendurancethatwasover.
“Ihavelookedather,speculatingthousandsoftimesupontheunbornchildfromwhomIhadbeenrent.Whetheritwasalive.
Whetherithadbeenbornalive,orthepoormother’sshockhadkilledit.
Whetheritwasasonwhowouldsomedayavengehisfather.
(Therewasatimeinmyimprisonment,whenmydesireforvengeancewasunbearable.)
Whetheritwasasonwhowouldneverknowhisfather’sstory;whomightevenlivetoweighthepossibilityofhisfather’shavingdisappearedofhisownwillandact.
Whetheritwasadaughterwhowouldgrowtobeawoman.”
Shedrewclosertohim,andkissedhischeekandhishand.
“Ihavepicturedmydaughter,tomyself,asperfectlyforgetfulofme—rather,altogetherignorantofme,andunconsciousofme.
Ihavecastuptheyearsofherage,yearafteryear.
Ihaveseenhermarriedtoamanwhoknewnothingofmyfate.
Ihavealtogetherperishedfromtheremembranceoftheliving,andinthenextgenerationmyplacewasablank.”
“Myfather!Eventohearthatyouhadsuchthoughtsofadaughterwhoneverexisted,strikestomyheartasifIhadbeenthatchild.”
“You,Lucie?ItisoutoftheConsolationandrestorationyouhavebroughttome,thattheseremembrancesarise,andpassbetweenusandthemoononthislastnight.—WhatdidIsayjustnow?”
“Sheknewnothingofyou.Shecarednothingforyou.”
“So!Butonothermoonlightnights,whenthesadnessandthesilencehavetouchedmeinadifferentway—haveaffectedmewithsomethingaslikeasorrowfulsenseofpeace,asanyemotionthathadpainforitsfoundationscould—Ihaveimaginedherascomingtomeinmycell,andleadingmeoutintothefreedombeyondthefortress.
Ihaveseenherimageinthemoonlightoften,asInowseeyou;exceptthatIneverheldherinmyarms;itstoodbetweenthelittlegratedwindowandthedoor.
But,youunderstandthatthatwasnotthechildIamspeakingof?”
“Thefigurewasnot;the—the—image;thefancy?”
“No.Thatwasanotherthing.
Itstoodbeforemydisturbedsenseofsight,butitnevermoved.
Thephantomthatmymindpursued,wasanotherandmorerealchild.
OfheroutwardappearanceIknownomorethanthatshewaslikehermother.
Theotherhadthatlikenesstoo—asyouhave—butwasnotthesame.Canyoufollowme,Lucie?Hardly,Ithink?
Idoubtyoumusthavebeenasolitaryprisonertounderstandtheseperplexeddistinctions.”
Hiscollectedandcalmmannercouldnotpreventherbloodfromrunningcold,ashethustriedtoanatomisehisoldcondition.
“Inthatmorepeacefulstate,Ihaveimaginedher,inthemoonlight,comingtomeandtakingmeouttoshowmethatthehomeofhermarriedlifewasfullofherlovingremembranceofherlostfather.
Mypicturewasinherroom,andIwasinherprayers.
Herlifewasactive,cheerful,useful;butmypoorhistorypervadeditall.”
“Iwasthatchild,myfather,Iwasnothalfsogood,butinmylovethatwasI.”
“Andsheshowedmeherchildren,”saidtheDoctorofBeauvais,“andtheyhadheardofme,andhadbeentaughttopityme.
WhentheypassedaprisonoftheState,theykeptfarfromitsfrowningwalls,andlookedupatitsbars,andspokeinwhispers.
Shecouldneverdeliverme;Iimaginedthatshealwaysbroughtmebackaftershowingmesuchthings.
Butthen,blessedwiththereliefoftears,Ifelluponmyknees,andblessedher.”
“Iamthatchild,Ihope,myfather.Omydear,mydear,willyoublessmeasferventlyto-morrow?”
“Lucie,IrecalltheseoldtroublesinthereasonthatIhaveto-nightforlovingyoubetterthanwordscantell,andthankingGodformygreathappiness.
Mythoughts,whentheywerewildest,neverrosenearthehappinessthatIhaveknownwithyou,andthatwehavebeforeus.”
Heembracedher,solemnlycommendedhertoHeaven,andhumblythankedHeavenforhavingbestowedheronhim.By-and-bye,theywentintothehouse.
TherewasnoonebiddentothemarriagebutMr.Lorry;therewaseventobenobridesmaidbutthegauntMissPross.
Themarriagewastomakenochangeintheirplaceofresidence;theyhadbeenabletoextendit,bytakingtothemselvestheupperroomsformerlybelongingtotheapocryphalinvisiblelodger,andtheydesirednothingmore.
DoctorManettewasverycheerfulatthelittlesupper.
Theywereonlythreeattable,andMissProssmadethethird.
HeregrettedthatCharleswasnotthere;wasmorethanhalfdisposedtoobjecttothelovinglittleplotthatkepthimaway;anddranktohimaffectionately.
So,thetimecameforhimtobidLuciegoodnight,andtheyseparated.
But,inthestillnessofthethirdhourofthemorning,Luciecamedownstairsagain,andstoleintohisroom;notfreefromunshapedfears,beforehand.
Allthings,however,wereintheirplaces;allwasquiet;andhelayasleep,hiswhitehairpicturesqueontheuntroubledpillow,andhishandslyingquietonthecoverlet.
Sheputherneedlesscandleintheshadowatadistance,creptuptohisbed,andputherlipstohis;then,leanedoverhim,andlookedathim.
Intohishandsomeface,thebitterwatersofcaptivityhadworn;but,hecovereduptheirtrackswithadeterminationsostrong,thatheheldthemasteryofthemeveninhissleep.
Amoreremarkablefaceinitsquiet,resolute,andguardedstrugglewithanunseenassailant,wasnottobebeheldinallthewidedominionsofsleep,thatnight.
Shetimidlylaidherhandonhisdearbreast,andputupaprayerthatshemighteverbeastruetohimasherloveaspiredtobe,andashissorrowsdeserved.
Then,shewithdrewherhand,andkissedhislipsoncemore,andwentaway.
So,thesunrisecame,andtheshadowsoftheleavesoftheplane-treemoveduponhisface,assoftlyasherlipshadmovedinprayingforhim.
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