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Mylandlady’swelcomehadanextraheartinessaboutit:andthough,withararedelicacyoffeeling,shemadenodirectallusiontothefriendwhosecompanionshiphaddonesomuchtobrightenlifeforme,Ifeltsurethatitwasakindlysympathywithmysolitarystatethatmadehersospeciallyanxioustodoallshecouldthinkoftoensuremycomfort,andmakemefeelathome.
Thelonelyeveningseemedlongandtedious:yetIlingeredon,watchingthedyingfire,andlettingFancymouldtheredembersintotheformsandfacesbelongingtobygonescenes.
NowitseemedtobeBruno’sroguishsmilethatsparkledforamoment,anddiedaway:nowitwasSylvie’srosycheek:andnowtheProfessor’sjollyroundface,beamingwithdelight.“You’rewelcome,mylittleones!”heseemedtosay.
Andthentheredcoal,whichforthemomentembodiedthedearoldProfessorbegantowaxdim,andwithitsdyinglustrethewordsseemedtodieawayintosilence.
Iseizedthepoker,andwithanartfultouchortworevivedthewaningglow,whileFancy—nocoyminstrelshe—sangmeonceagainthemagicstrainIlovedtohear.
“You’rewelcome,littleones!”thecheeryvoicerepeated.“Itoldthemyouwerecoming.Yourroomsareallreadyforyou.
AndtheEmperorandtheEmpress—well,Ithinkthey’reratherpleasedthanotherwise!
Infact,HerHighnesssaid‘Ihopethey’llbeintimefortheBanquet!’
Thosewereherverywords,Iassureyou!”
“WillUggugbeattheBanquet?”Brunoasked.Andbothchildrenlookeduneasyatthedismalsuggestion.
“Why,ofcoursehewill!”chuckledtheProfessor.“Why,it’shisbirthday,don’tyouknow?Andhishealthwillbedrunk,andallthatsortofthing.WhatwouldtheBanquetbewithouthim?”
“Eversomuchnicer,”saidBruno.Buthesaiditinaverylowvoice,andnobodybutSylvieheardhim.
TheProfessorchuckledagain.“It’llbeajollyBanquet,nowyou’vecome,mylittleman!Iamsogladtoseeyouagain!”
“I‘fraidwe’vebeenverylongincoming,”Brunopolitelyremarked.
“Well,yes,”theProfessorassented.“However,you’reveryshort,nowyou’recome:that’ssomecomfort.”
Andhewentontoenumeratetheplansfortheday.TheLecturecomesfirst,”hesaid.“ThattheEmpressinsistson.
ShesayspeoplewilleatsomuchattheBanquet,they’llbetoosleepytoattendtotheLectureafterwards—andperhapsshe’sright.
There’lljustbealittlerefreshment,whenthepeoplefirstarriveasakindofsurprisefortheEmpress,youknow.
Eversinceshe’sbeen—well,notquitesocleverassheoncewas—we’vefounditdesirabletoconcoctlittlesurprisesforher.ThencomestheLecture—”
“What?TheLectureyouweregettingreadyeversolongago?”Sylvieenquired.
“Yes—that’stheone,”theProfessorratherreluctantlyadmitted.
“Ithastakenagoodishtimetoprepare.
I’vegotsomanyotherthingstoattendto.Forinstance,I’mCourt-Physician.
IhavetokeepalltheRoyalServantsingoodhealth—andthatremindsme!”
hecried,ringingthebellinagreathurry.“ThisisMedicine-Day!WeonlygiveMedicineonceaweek.
Ifweweretobegingivingiteveryday,thebottleswouldsoonbeempty!”
“Butiftheywereillontheotherdays?”Sylviesuggested.
“What,illonthewrongday!”exclaimedtheProfessor.“Oh,thatwouldneverdo!
AServantwouldbedismissedatonce,whowasillonthewrongday!
ThisistheMedicineforto-day,hewenton,takingdownalargejugfromashelf.
Imixedit,myself,firstthingthismorning.Tasteit!”hesaid,holdingoutthejugtoBruno.“Dipinyourfinger,andtasteit!”
Brunodidso,andmadesuchanexcruciatinglywryfacethatSylvieexclaimedinalarm,“Oh,Bruno,youmustn’t!”
“It’swellyextremelynasty!”Brunosaid,ashisfaceresumeditsnaturalshape.
“Nasty?”saidtheProfessor.“Why,ofcourseitis!WhatwouldMedicinebe,ifitwasn’tnasty?”
“Nice,”saidBruno.
“Iwasgoingtosay—”theProfessorfaltered,rathertakenabackbythepromptnessofBruno’sreply,“—thatthatwouldneverdo!Medicinehastobenasty,youknow.
Begoodenoughtotakethisjug,downintotheServants’Hall,hesaidtothefootmanwhoansweredthebell“andtellthemit’stheirMedicineforto-day.”
“Whichofthemistodrinkit?”thefootmanaskedashecarriedoffthejug.
“Oh,I’venotsettledthatyet!”theProfessorbrisklyreplied.“I’llcomeandsettlethat,soon.
Tellthemnottobegin,onanyaccount,tillIcome!
It’sreallywonderful”,hesaid,turningtothechildren,“thesuccessI’vehadincuringDiseases!Herearesomeofmymemoranda.”
Hetookdownfromtheshelfaheapoflittlebitsofpaperpinnedtogetherintwosandthrees.“Justlookatthisset,now.
Under-CookNumberThirteenrecoveredfromCommonFever—FebrisCommunis.’Andnowseewhat’spinnedtoit.’
GaveUnder-CookNumberThirteenaDoubleDoseofMedicine.’
That’ssomethingtobeproudof,isn’tit?”
“Butwhichhappenedfirst?”saidSylvie,lookingverymuchpuzzled.
TheProfessorexaminedthepaperscarefully.
“Theyarenotdated,Ifind,”hesaidwithaslightlydejectedair:“soIfearIca’n’ttellyou.
Buttheybothhappened:there’snodoubtofthat.
TheMedicine’sthegreatthing,youknow.TheDiseasesaremuchlessimportant.
YoucankeepaMedicine,foryearsandyears:butnobodyeverwantstokeepaDisease!
Bytheway,comeandlookattheplatform.
TheGardeneraskedmetocomeandseeifitwoulddo.Wemayaswellgobeforeitgetsdark.”
“We’dliketo,verymuch!”Sylviereplied.“Come,Bruno,putonyourhat.Don’tkeepthedearProfessorwaiting!”
“Ca’n’tfindmyhat!”thelittlefellowsadlyreplied.“Iwererollingitabout.Andit’srolleditselfaway!”
“Maybeit’srolledinthere,”Sylviesuggested,pointingtoadarkrecess,thedoorofwhichstoodhalfopen:andBrunoranintolook.
Afteraminutehecameslowlyoutagain,lookingverygrave,andcarefullyshutthecupboarddoorafterhim.
“Itaren’tinthere,”hesaid,withsuchunusualsolemnity,thatSylvie’scuriositywasaroused.
“Whatisinthere,Bruno?”
“There’scobwebs—andtwospiders—”Brunothoughtfullyreplied,checkingoffthecatalogueonhisfingers,“—andthecoverofapicture-book—andatortoise—andadishofnuts—andanoldman.”
“Anoldman!”criedtheProfessor,trottingacrosstheroomingreatexcitement.“Why,itmustbetheOtherProfessor,that’sbeenlostforeversolong!”
Heopenedthedoorofthecupboardwide:andtherehewas,theOtherProfessor,sittinginachair,withabookonhisknee,andintheactofhelpinghimselftoanutfromadish,whichhehadtakendownoffashelfjustwithinhisreach.
Helookedroundatus,butsaidnothingtillhehadcrackedandeatenthenut.Thenheaskedtheoldquestion.“IstheLectureallready?”
“It’llbegininanhour,”theProfessorsaid,evadingthequestion.“First,wemusthavesomethingtosurprisetheEmpress.AndthencomestheBanquet—”
“TheBanquet!”criedtheOtherProfessor,springingup,andfillingtheroomwithacloudofdust.ThenI’dbettergoand—andbrushmyselfalittle.WhatastateI’min!”
“Hedoeswantbrushing!”theProfessorsaid,withacriticalair.“Here’syourhat,littleman!Ihadputitonbymistake.
I’dquiteforgottenIhadoneon,already.Let’sgoandlookattheplatform.”
“Andthere’sthatniceoldGardenersingingstill!”Brunoexclaimedindelight,aswewentoutintothegarden.Idobelievehe’sbeensingingthatverysongeversincewewentaway!”
“Why,ofcoursehehas!”repliedtheProfessor.“Itwouldn’tbethethingtoleaveoff,youknow.”
“Wouldn’tbewhatthing?”saidBruno:buttheProfessorthoughtitbestnottohearthequestion.
“Whatareyoudoingwiththathedgehog?”
heshoutedattheGardener,whomtheyfoundstandingupononefoot,singingsoftlytohimself,androllingahedgehogupanddownwiththeotherfoot.
“Well,Iwantedfurtoknowwhathedgehogsliveson:soIbea-keepingthisherehedgehog—furtoseeifiteatspotatoes—”
“Muchbetterkeepapotato,”saidtheProfessor,“andseeifhedgehogseatit!”
“Thatbetheroightway,sure-ly!”thedelightedGardenerexclaimed.“Beyoucometoseetheplatform?”
“Aye,aye!”theProfessorcheerilyreplied.“Andthechildrenhavecomeback,yousee!”
TheGardenerlookedroundatthemwithagrin.ThenheledthewaytothePavilion;andashewenthesang:
“Helookedagain,andfounditwas
ADoubleRuleofThree:
’AndallitsMystery’,hesaid,
‘Isclearasdaytome!’“
“You’vebeenmonthsoverthatsong,”saidtheProfessor.“Isn’titfinishedyet?”
“Therebeonlyoneversemore,”theGardenersadlyreplied.And,withtearsstreamingdownhischeeks,hesangthelastverse:
“HethoughthesawanArgument
ThatprovedhewasthePope:
Helookedagain,andfounditwas
ABarofMottledSoap.
’Afactsodread’,hefaintlysaid,
‘Extinguishesallhope!’“
Chokingwithsobs,theGardenerhastilysteppedonafewyardsaheadoftheparty,toconcealhisemotion.
“DidheseetheBarofMottledSoap?”Sylvieenquired,aswefollowed.
“Oh,certainly!”saidtheProfessor.“Thatsongishisownhistory,youknow.”
Tearsofanever-readysympathyglitteredinBruno’seyes.“I’swellysorryheisn’tthePope!”hesaid.“Aren’tyousorry,Sylvie?”
“Well—Ihardlyknow,”Sylvierepliedinthevaguestmanner.“Woulditmakehimanyhappier?’sheaskedtheProfessor
“Itwouldn’tmakethePopeanyhappier,”saidtheProfessor.“Isn’ttheplatformlovely?”heasked,asweenteredthePavilion.
“I’veputanextrabeamunderit!”saidtheGardener,pattingitaffectionatelyashespoke.“Andnowit’sthatstrong,as—asamadelephantmightdanceuponit!”
“Thankyouverymuch!”theProfessorheartilyrejoined.
“Idon’tknowthatweshallexactlyrequire—butit’sconvenienttoknow.”
Andheledthechildrenupontheplatform,toexplainthearrangementstothem.
“Herearethreeseats,yousee,fortheEmperorandtheEmpressandPrinceUggug.
Buttheremustbetwomorechairshere!”hesaid,lookingdownattheGardener.
“OneforLadySylvie,andoneforthesmalleranimal!”
“AndmayIhelpintheLecture?”saidBruno.“Icandosomeconjuringtricks.”
“Well,it’snotexactlyaconjuringlecture,”theProfessorsaid,ashearrangedsomecurious-lookingmachinesonthetable.“However,whatcanyoudo?Didyouevergothroughatable,forinstance?”
“Often!”saidBruno.“Haven’tI,Sylvie?”
TheProfessorwasevidentlysurprised,thoughhetriednottoshowit.“Thismustbelookedinto,”hemutteredtohimself,takingoutanote-book.“Andfirst—whatkindoftable?”
“Tellhim!”BrunowhisperedtoSylvie,puttinghisarmsroundherneck.
“Tellhimyourself,”saidSylvie
“Ca’n’t,”saidBruno.“It’sabonyword.”
“Nonsense!”laughedSylvie.“Youcansayitwellenough,ifyouonlytry.Come!”
“Muddle”saidBruno.“That’sabitofit.”
“Whatdoeshesay?”criedthebewilderedProfessor
“Hemeansthemultiplication-table,”Sylvieexplained.
TheProfessorlookedannoyed,andshutuphisnotebookagain.“Oh,that’squiteanotherthing,”hesaid.
“Itareeversomanyotherthings,”saidBruno.“Aren’tit,Sylvie?”
Aloudblastoftrumpetsinterruptedthisconversation“Why,theentertainmenthasbegun!”
theProfessorexclaimed,ashehurriedthechildrenintotheReceptionSaloon.“Ihadnoideaitwassolate!”
Asmalltable,containingcakeandwine,stoodinacorneroftheSaloon;andherewefoundtheEmperorandEmpresswaitingforus.
TherestoftheSaloonhadbeenclearedoffurniture,tomakeroomfortheguests.
IwasmuchstruckbythegreatchangeafewmonthshadmadeinthefacesoftheImperialPair.
AvacantstarewasnowtheEmperor’susualexpression;whileoverthefaceoftheEmpressthereflitted,everandanon,ameaninglesssmile.
“Soyou’recomeatlast!”theEmperorsulkilyremarked,astheProfessorandthechildrentooktheirplaces.
Itwasevidentthathewasverymuchoutoftemper:andwewerenotlonginlearningthecauseofthis.
Hedidnotconsiderthepreparations,madefortheImperialparty,tobesuchassuitedtheirrank.“Acommonmahoganytable!”
hegrowled,pointingtoitcontemptuouslywithhisthumb.
“Whywasn’titmadeofgold,Ishouldliketoknow?”
“Itwouldhavetakenaverylong—”theProfessorbegan,buttheEmperorcutthesentenceshort.
“Thenthecake!Ordinaryplum!
Whywasn’titmadeof—of—”Hebrokeoffagain.“Thenthewine!MerelyoldMadeira!Whywasn’tit—?Thenthischair!Thatsworstofall.Whywasn’titathrone?
Onemightexcusetheotheromissions,butIca’n’tgetoverthechair!”
“WhatIca’n’tgetover”,saidtheEmpress,ineagersympathywithherangryhusband,“isthetable!”
“Pooh!”saidtheEmperor.
“Itismuchtoberegretted!”theProfessormildlyreplied,assoonashehadachanceofspeaking.
Afteramoment’sthoughthestrengthenedtheremark.
Everything”,hesaid,addressingSocietyingeneral,“isverymuchtoberegretted!”
Amurmurof“Hear,hear!”rosefromthecrowdedSaloon.
Therewasaratherawkwardpause:theProfessorevidentlydidn’tknowhowtobegin.
TheEmpressleantforwards,andwhisperedtohim.
“Afewjokes,youknow,Professor—justtoputpeopleattheirease!”
“True,true,Madam!”theProfessormeeklyreplied.“Thislittleboy—”
“Pleasedon’tmakeanyjokesaboutme!”Brunoexclaimed,hiseyesfillingwithtears.
“Iwo’n’tifyou’dratherIdidn’t,”saidthekind-heartedProfessor.
“ItwasonlysomethingaboutaShip’sBuoy—aharmlesspun—butitdoesn’tmatter.”
Hereheturnedtothecrowdandaddressedtheminaloudvoice.LearnyourA’s!”heshouted.“YourB’s!YourC’s!
andyourD’s,Thenyou’llbeatyourease!”
Therewasaroaroflaughterfromalltheassembly,andthenagreatdealofconfusedwhispering.“Whatwasithesaid?Somethingaboutbees,Ifancy—”
TheEmpresssmiledinhermeaninglessway,andfannedherself.
ThepoorProfessorlookedathertimidly:hewasclearlyathiswits’endagain,andhopingforanotherhint.TheEmpresswhisperedagain.
“Somespinach,youknow,Professor,asasurprise.”
TheProfessorbeckonedtotheHead-Cook,andsaidsomethingtohiminalowvoice.ThentheHead-Cooklefttheroom,followedbyalltheothercooks.
“It’sdifficulttogetthingsstarted,”theProfessorremarkedtoBruno.“Whenoncewegetstarted,it’llgoonallright,you’llsee.”
“Ifoowanttostartlepeople”,saidBruno,“ooshouldputlivefrogsontheirbacks.”
Herethecooksallcameinagain,inaprocession,theHead-Cookcominglastandcarryingsomething,whichtheotherstriedtohidebywavingflagsallroundit.
“Nothingbutflags,YourImperialHighness!Nothingbutflags!”
hekeptrepeating,ashesetitbeforeher.
Thenalltheflagsweredroppedinamoment,astheHeadCookraisedthecoverfromanenormousdish.
“Whatisit?”theEmpresssaidfaintly,assheputherspy-glasstohereye.“Why,it’sSpinach,Ideclare!”
“HerImperialHighnessissurprised,”theProfessorexplainedtotheattendants:andsomeofthemclappedtheirhands.
TheHead-Cookmadealowbow,andindoingsodroppedaspoononthetable,asifbyaccident,justwithinreachoftheEmpress,wholookedtheotherwayandpretendednottoseeit.
“Iamsurprised!”theEmpresssaidtoBruno.“Aren’tyou?”
“Notabit,”saidBruno.“Iheard—”butSylvieputherhandoverhismouth,andspokeforhim.“He’srathertired,Ithink.HewantstheLecturetobegin.”
“Iwantthesuppertobegin,”Brunocorrectedher.
TheEmpresstookupthespooninanabsentmanner,andtriedtobalanceitacrossthebackofherhand,andindoingthisshedroppeditintothedish:and,whenshetookitoutagain,itwasfullofspinach.“Howcurious!”shesaid,andputitintohermouth.“Ittastesjustlikerealspinach!
Ithoughtitwasanimitation—butIdobelieveit’sreal!”Andshetookanotherspoonful.
“Itwo’n’tberealmuchlonger,”saidBruno.
ButtheEmpresshadhadenoughspinachbythistime,andsomehow—Ifailedtonoticetheexactprocess—weallfoundourselvesinthePavilion,andtheProfessorintheactofbeginningthelong-expectedLecture.
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