English
StillmoredreamilyIfoundmyselffollowingthisimperiousvoiceintoaroomwheretheEarl,hisdaughter,andArthur,wereseated.“Soyou’recomeatlast!”
saidLadyMuriel,inatoneofplayfulreproach.
“Iwasdelayed,”Istammered.ThoughwhatitwasthathaddelayedmeIshouldhavebeenpuzzledtoexplain!Luckilynoquestionswereasked.
Thecarriagewasorderedround,thehamper,containingourcontributiontothePicnic,wasdulystowedaway,andwesetforth.
Therewasnoneedformetomaintaintheconversation.
LadyMurielandArthurwereevidentlyonthosemostdelightfulofterms,whereonehasnoneedtocheckthoughtafterthought,asitrisestothelips,withthefear‘thiswillnotbeappreciated—thiswillgive’offensethiswillsoundtooserious—thiswillsoundflippant’:likeveryoldfriends,infullestsympathy,theirtalkrippledon.
“Whyshouldn’twedesertthePicnicandgoinsomeotherdirection?”shesuddenlysuggested.“Apartyoffourissurelyself-sufficing?Andasforfood,ourhamper—”
“Whyshouldn’twe?Whatagenuinelady’sargument!”laughedArthur.“Aladyneverknowsonwhichsidetheonusprobandi—theburdenofproving—lies!”
“Domenalwaysknow?”sheaskedwithaprettyassumptionofmeekdocility.
“Withoneexception—theonlyoneIcanthinkofDr.Watts,whohasaskedthesenselessquestion:
‘WhyshouldIdeprivemyneighborOfhisgoodsagainsthiswill?’
FancythatasanargumentforHonesty!Hispositionseemstobe‘I’monlyhonestbecauseIseenoreasontosteal.’
Andthethief’sanswerisofcoursecompleteandcrushing.
‘IdeprivemyneighborhisgoodsbecauseIwantthemmyself.
AndIdoitagainsthiswillbecausethere’snochanceofgettinghimtoconsenttoit!’”
“Icangiveyouoneotherexception,”Isaid:“anargumentIheardonlyto-day—andnotbyalady.‘Whyshouldn’tIwalkonmyownforehead?’”
“Whatacurioussubjectforspeculation!”saidLadyMuriel,turningtome,witheyesbrimmingoverwithlaughter.“Mayweknowwhopropoundedthequestion?Anddidhewalkonhisownforehead?”
“Ica’n’trememberwhoitwasthatsaidit!”Ifaltered.“NorwhereIheardit!”
“Whoeveritwas,IhopeweshallmeethimatthePicnic!”saidLadyMuriel.
“It’safarmoreinterestingquestionthan‘Isn’tthisapicturesqueruin?’Aren’tthoseautumn-tintslovely?’
Ishallhavetoanswerthosetwoquestionstentimes,atleast,thisafternoon!”
“That’soneofthemiseriesofSociety!”saidArthur.“Whyca’n’tpeopleletoneenjoythebeautiesofNaturewithouthavingtosaysoeveryminute?WhyshouldLifebeonelongCatechism?”
“It’sjustasbadatapicture-gallery,”theEarlremarked.
“IwenttotheR.A.lastMay,withaconceitedyoungartist:andhedidtormentme!
Iwouldn’thavemindedhiscriticizingthepictureshimself:butIhadtoagreewithhim—orelsetoarguethepoint,whichwouldhavebeenworse!”
“Itwasdepreciatorycriticism,ofcourse?”saidArthur.
“Idon’tseethe‘ofcourse’atall.”
“Why,didyoueverknowaconceitedmandaretopraiseapicture?
Theonethinghedreads(nexttonotbeingnoticed)istobeprovedfallible!
Ifyouoncepraiseapicture,yourcharacterforinfallibilityhangsbyathread.
Supposeit’safigure-picture,andyouventuretosay‘drawswell.’
Somebodymeasuresit,andfindsoneoftheproportionsaneighthofaninchwrong.Youaredisposedofasacritic!‘Didyousayhedrawswell?’
yourfriendsenquiresarcastically,whileyouhangyourheadandblush.No.
Theonlysafecourse,ifanyonesays‘drawswell,’istoshrugyourshoulders.‘Drawswell?’yourepeatthoughtfully.‘Drawswell?Humph!’
That’sthewaytobecomeagreatcritic!”
Thusairilychatting,afterapleasantdrivethroughafewmilesofbeautifulscenery,wereachedtherendezvous—aruinedcastle—wheretherestofthepicnic-partywerealreadyassembled.
Wespentanhourortwoinsaunteringabouttheruins:gatheringatlast,bycommonconsent,intoafewrandomgroups,seatedonthesideofamound,whichcommandedagoodviewoftheoldcastleanditssurroundings.
Themomentarysilence,thatensued,waspromptlytakenpossessionofor,morecorrectly,takenintocustody—byaVoice;avoicesosmooth,somonotonous,sosonorous,thatonefelt,withashudder,thatanyotherconversationwasprecluded,andthat,unlesssomedesperateremedywereadopted,wewerefatedtolistentoaLecture,ofwhichnomancouldforeseetheend!
Thespeakerwasabroadly-builtman,whoselarge,flat,palefacewasboundedontheNorthbyafringeofhair,ontheEastandWestbyafringeofwhisker,andontheSouthbyafringeofbeard—thewholeconstitutingauniformhaloofstubblywhitey-brownbristles.
HisfeaturesweresoentirelydestituteofexpressionthatIcouldnothelpsayingtomyself—helplessly,asifintheclutchesofanight-mare—“theyareonlypenciledin:nofinaltouchesasyet!”
Andhehadawayofendingeverysentencewithasuddensmile,whichspreadlikearippleoverthatvastblanksurface,andwasgoneinamoment,leavingbehinditsuchabsolutesolemnitythatIfeltimpelledtomurmur“itwasnothe:itwassomebodyelsethatsmiled!”
“Doyouobserve?”(suchwasthephrasewithwhichthewretchbeganeachsentence)“Doyouobservethewayinwhichthatbrokenarch,attheverytopoftheruin,standsoutagainsttheclearsky?
Itisplacedexactlyright:andthereisexactlyenoughofit.
Alittlemore,oralittleless,andallwouldbeutterlyspoiled!”
“Ohgiftedarchitect!”murmuredArthur,inaudiblytoallbutLadyMurielandmyself.“Foreseeingtheexacteffecthisworkwouldhave,wheninruins,centuriesafterhisdeath!”
“Anddoyouobserve,wherethosetreesslopedownthehill,(indicatingthemwithasweepofthehand,andwithallthepatronisingairofthemanwhohashimselfarrangedthelandscape),“howthemistsrisingfromtheriverfillupexactlythoseintervalswhereweneedindistinctness,forartisticeffect?
Here,intheforeground,afewcleartouchesarenotamiss:butaback-groundwithoutmist,youknow!Itissimplybarbarous!Yes,weneedindistinctness!”
Theoratorlookedsopointedlyatmeasheutteredthesewords,thatIfeltboundtoreply,bymurmuringsomethingtotheeffectthatIhardlyfelttheneedmyself—andthatIenjoyedlookingatathing,better,whenIcouldseeit.
“Quiteso!”thegreatmansharplytookmeup.
“Fromyourpointofview,thatiscorrectlyput.
ButforanyonewhohasasoulforArt,suchaviewispreposterous.Natureisonething.Artisanother.Natureshowsustheworldasitis.
ButArt—asaLatinauthortellsus—Art,youknowthewordshaveescapedmymemory“ArsestcelareNaturam,”Arthurinterposedwithadelightfulpromptitude.
“Quiteso!”theoratorrepliedwithanairofrelief.“Ithankyou!
ArsestcelareNaturambutthatisn’tit.”
And,forafewpeacefulmoments,theoratorbrooded,frowningly,overthequotation.
Thewelcomeopportunitywasseized,andanothervoicestruckintothesilence.
“Whatalovelyoldruinitis!”criedayoungladyinspectacles,theveryembodimentoftheMarchofMind,lookingatLadyMuriel,astheproperrecipientofallreallyoriginalremarks.
“Anddon’tyouadmirethoseautumn-tintsonthetrees?Ido,intensely!”
LadyMurielshotameaningglanceatme;butrepliedwithadmirablegravity.“Ohyesindeed,indeed!Sotrue!”
“Andisn’tstrange,saidtheyounglady,passingwithstartlingsuddennessfromSentimenttoScience,“thatthemereimpactofcertaincocoloredaysupontheRetinashouldgiveussuchexquisitepleasure?”
“YouhavestudiedPhysiology,then?”acertainyoungDoctorcourteouslyenquired.
“Oh,yes!Isn’titasweetScience?”
Arthurslightlysmiled.“Itseemsaparadox,doesitnot,”hewenton,“thattheimageformedontheRetinashouldbeinverted?”
“Itispuzzling,”shecandidlyadmitted.“Whyisitwedonotseethingsupside-down?”
“YouhaveneverheardtheTheory,then,thattheBrainalsoisinverted?”
“Noindeed!Whatabeautifulfact!Buthowisitproved?”
“Thus,”repliedArthur,withallthegravityoftenProfessorsrolledintoone.
“WhatwecallthevertexoftheBrainisreallyitsbase:andwhatwecallitsbaseisreallyitsvertex:itissimplyaquestionofnomenclature.”
Thislastpolysyllablesettledthematter.
“Howtrulydelightful!”thefairScientistexclaimedwithenthusiasm.“IshallaskourPhysiologicalLecturerwhyhenevergaveusthatexquisiteTheory!”
“I’dgivesomethingtobepresentwhenthequestionisasked!”
Arthurwhisperedtome,as,atasignalfromLadyMuriel,wemovedontowherethehampershadbeencollected,anddevotedourselvestothemoresubstantialbusinessoftheday.
We‘waited’onourselves,asthemodernbarbarism(combiningtwogoodthingsinsuchawayastosecurethediscomfortsofbothandtheadvantagesofneither)ofhavingapicnicwithservantstowaituponyou,hadnotyetreachedthisout-of-the-wayregion—andofcoursethegentlemendidnoteventaketheirplacesuntiltheladieshadbeendulyprovidedwithallimaginablecreature-comforts.
ThenIsuppliedmyselfwithaplateofsomethingsolidandaglassofsomethingfluid,andfoundaplacenexttoLadyMuriel.
Ithadbeenleftvacant—apparentlyforArthur,asadistinguishedstranger:buthehadturnedshy,andhadplacedhimselfnexttotheyoungladyinspectacles,whosehighraspingvoicehadalreadycastlooseuponSocietysuchominousphrasesas“ManisabundleofQualities!”
,“theObjectiveisonlyattainablethroughtheSubjective!”.
Arthurwasbearingitbravely:butseveralfacesworealookofalarm,andIthoughtithightimetostartsomelessmetaphysicaltopic.
“Inmynurserydays,”Ibegan,“whentheweatherdidn’tsuitforanout-of-doorspicnic,wewereallowedtohaveapeculiarkind,thatweenjoyedhugely.
Thetableclothwaslaidunderthetable,insteadofuponit:wesatrounditonthefloor:andIbelievewereallyenjoyedthatextremelyuncomfortablekindofdinnermorethanweeverdidtheorthodoxarrangement!”
“I’venodoubtofit,”LadyMurielreplied.
“There’snothingawell-regulatedchildhatessomuchasregularity.
IbelieveareallyhealthyboywouldthoroughlyenjoyGreekGrammar—ifonlyhemightstandonhisheadtolearnit!
Andyourcarpet-dinnercertainlysparedyouonefeatureofapicnic,whichistomeitschiefdrawback.”
“Thechanceofashower?”Isuggested.
“No,thechance—orratherthecertaintyoflivethingsoccurringincombinationwithone’sfood!Spidersaremybugbear.
Nowmyfatherhasnosympathywiththatsentiment—haveyou,dear?”
FortheEarlhadcaughtthewordandturnedtolisten.
“Toeachhissufferings,allaremen,”herepliedinthesweetsadtonesthatseemednaturaltohim:“eachhashispetaversion.”
“Butyou’llneverguesshis!”LadyMurielsaid,withthatdelicatesilverylaughthatwasmusictomyears.
Ideclinedtoattempttheimpossible.
“Hedoesn’tlikesnakes!”shesaid,inastagewhisper.“Now,isn’tthatanunreasonableaversion?Fancynotlikingsuchadear,coaxingly,clinginglyaffectionatecreatureasasnake!”
“Notlikesnakes!”Iexclaimed.“Issuchathingpossible?”
“No,hedoesn’tlikethem,”sherepeatedwithaprettymock-gravity.“He’snotafraidofthem,youknow.Buthedoesn’tlikethem.Hesaysthey’retoowaggly!”
IwasmorestartledthanIlikedtoshow.
TherewassomethingsouncannyinthisechooftheverywordsIhadsolatelyheardfromthatlittleforest-sprite,thatitwasonlybyagreateffortIsucceededinsaying,carelessly,“Letusbanishsounpleasantatopic.
Won’tyousingussomething,LadyMuriel?Iknowyoudosingwithoutmusic.”
“TheonlysongsIknow—withoutmusic—aredesperatelysentimental,I’mafraid!Areyourtearsallready?”
“Quiteready!Quiteready!”
camefromallsides,andLadyMuriel—notbeingoneofthoselady-singerswhothinkitderigueurtodeclinetosingtilltheyhavebeenpetitionedthreeorfourtimes,andhavepleadedfailureofmemory,lossofvoice,andotherconclusivereasonsforsilence—beganatonce:—
“TherebethreeBadgersonamossystone,
Besideadarkandcoveredway:
Eachdreamshimselfamonarchonhisthrone,
Andsotheystayandstay
ThoughtheiroldFatherlanguishesalone,
Theystay,andstay,andstay.
“TherebethreeHerringsloiteringaround,
Longingtosharethatmossyseat:
EachHerringtriestosingwhatshehasfound
ThatmakesLifeseemsosweet.
Thus,withagratinganduncertainsound,
Theybleat,andbleat,andbleat,
“TheMother-Herring,onthesaltsea-wave,
Soughtvainlyforherabsentones:
TheFather-Badger,writhinginacave,
Shriekedout‘Return,mysons!
Youshalthavebuns,’heshrieked,’ifyou’llbehave!
Yea,buns,andbuns,andbuns!’
“‘Ifear,’saidshe,‘yoursonshavegoneastray?
MydaughtersleftmewhileIslept.’
‘Yes‘m,’theBadgersaid:‘it’sasyousay.’
‘Theyshouldbebetterkept.’
Thusthepoorparentstalkedthetimeaway,
Andwept,andwept,andwept.”
HereBrunobrokeoffsuddenly.“TheHerrings’Songwantsanuvvertune,Sylvie,”hesaid.“AndIca’n’tsingitnotwizoutooplaysitforme!”
InstantlySylvieseatedherselfuponatinymushroom,thathappenedtogrowinfrontofadaisy,asifitwerethemostordinarymusicalinstrumentintheworld,andplayedonthepetalsasiftheywerethenotesofanorgan.Andsuchdelicioustinymusicitwas!Suchteeny-tinymusic!
Brunoheldhisheadononeside,andlistenedverygravelyforafewmomentsuntilhehadcaughtthemelody.Thenthesweetchildishvoicerangoutoncemore:—
“Oh,dearbeyondourdearestdreams,
Fairerthanallthatfairestseems!
Tofeasttherosyhoursaway,
Torevelinaroundelay!
Howblestwouldbe
Alifesofree—
Ipwergis-Puddingtoconsume,
AnddrinkthesubtleAzzigoom!
“Andifinotherdaysandhours,
Midotherfluffsandotherflowers,
Thechoiceweregivenmehowtodine—
‘Namewhatthouwilt:itshaltbethine!’
Oh,thenIsee
Thelifeforme
Ipwergis-Puddingtoconsume,
AnddrinkthesubtleAzzigoom!”
“Oomayleaveoffplayingnow,Sylvie.Icandotheuvvertunemuchbetterwizoutacompliment.”
“Hemeans‘withoutaccompaniment,’”Sylviewhispered,smilingatmypuzzledlook:andshepretendedtoshutupthestopsoftheorgan.
“TheBadgersdidnotcaretotalktoFish:
TheydidnotdoteonHerrings’songs:
Theyneverhadexperiencedthedish
Towhichthatnamebelongs:
Andoh,topinchtheirtails,’(thiswastheirwish,)
‘Withtongs,yea,tongs,andtongs!’”
Ioughttomentionthathemarkedtheparenthesis,intheair,withhisfinger.Itseemedtomeaverygoodplan.Youknowthere’snosoundtorepresentit—anymorethanthereisforaquestion.
Supposeyouhavesaidtoyourfriend“Youarebetterto-day,”andthatyouwanthimtounderstandthatyouareaskinghimaquestion,whatcanbesimplerthanjusttomakea“?”.intheairwithyourfinger?Hewouldunderstandyouinamoment!
“‘AndarenotthesetheFish,’theEldestsighed,
‘WhoseMotherdwellsbeneaththefoam’
‘TheyaretheFish!’theSecondonereplied.
‘Andtheyhavelefttheirhome!’
‘OhwickedFish,’theYoungestBadgercried,
‘Toroam,yea,roam,androam!’
“GentlytheBadgerstrottedtotheshore
Thesandyshorethatfringedthebay:
EachinhismouthalivingHerringbore—
Thoseagedoneswaxedgay:
Clearrangtheirvoicesthroughtheocean’sroar,
‘Hooray,hooray,hooray!’”
“Sotheyallgotsafehomeagain,”Brunosaid,afterwaitingaminutetoseeifIhadanythingtosay:heevidentlyfeltthatsomeremarkoughttobemade.
AndIcouldn’thelpwishingthereweresomesuchruleinSociety,attheconclusionofasong—thatthesingerherselfshouldsaytherightthing,andnotleaveittotheaudience.
Supposeayoungladyhasjustbeenwarbling(‘withagratinganduncertainsound’)Shelley’sexquisitelyric‘Iarisefromdreamsofthee’:howmuchniceritwouldbe,insteadofyourhavingtosay“Oh,thankyou,thankyou!”
fortheyoungladyherselftoremark,asshedrawsonhergloves,whiletheimpassionedwords‘Oh,pressittothineown,oritwillbreakatlast!’
arestillringinginyourears,“—butshewouldn’tdoit,youknow.Soitdidbreakatlast.”
“AndIknewitwould!”sheaddedquietly,asIstartedatthesuddencrashofbrokenglass.
“You’vebeenholdingitsidewaysforthelastminute,andlettingallthechampagnerunout!Wereyouasleep,Iwonder?
I’msosorrymysinginghassuchanarcoticeffect!”
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