TheOtherProfessorregardedhimwithsomeanxiety.“Thesmalleranimaloughttogotobedatonce,”hesaidwithanairofauthority. “Whyatonce?”saidtheProfessor. “Becausehecan’tgoattwice,”saidtheOtherProfessor. TheProfessorgentlyclappedhishands.‘Isn’thewonderful!”hesaidtoSylvie. “Nobodyelsecouldhavethoughtofthereason,soquick.Why,ofcourseheca’n’tgoattwice!Itwouldhurthimtobedivided.” ThisremarkwokeupBruno,suddenlyandcompletely.“Idon’twanttobedivided,”hesaiddecisively. “Itdoesverywellonadiagram,”saidtheOtherProfessor.“Icouldshowityouinaminute,onlythechalk’salittleblunt.” “Takecare!”Sylvieanxiouslyexclaimed,ashebegan,ratherclumsily,topointit.“You’llcutyourfingeroff,ifyouholdtheknifeso!” “Ifoocutsitoff,willoogiveittome,please?Brunothoughtfullyadded. “It’slikethis,”saidtheOtherProfessor,hastilydrawingalonglineupontheblackboard,andmarkingtheletters‘A,’‘B,’atthetwoends,and‘C’inthemiddle:“letmeexplainittoyou. IfABweretobedividedintotwopartsatC—” “Itwouldbedrownded,”Brunopronouncedconfidently. TheOtherProfessorgasped.“Whatwouldbedrownded?” “Whythebumble-bee,ofcourse!”saidBruno.“Andthetwobitswouldsinkdowninthesea!” HeretheProfessorinterfered,astheOtherProfessorwasevidentlytoomuchpuzzledtogoonwithhisdiagram. “WhenIsaiditwouldhurthim,Iwasmerelyreferringtotheactionofthenerves—” TheOtherProfessorbrightenedupinamoment. “Theactionofthenerves,”hebeganeagerly,“iscuriouslyslowinsomepeople. Ihadafriend,once,that,ifyouburnthimwithared-hotpoker,itwouldtakeyearsandyearsbeforehefeltit!” “Andifyouonlypinchedhim?”queriedSylvie. “Thenitwouldtakeeversomuchlonger,ofcourse.Infact,Idoubtifthemanhimselfwouldeverfeelit,atall.Hisgrandchildrenmight.” “Iwouldn’tliketobethegrandchildofapinchedgrandfather,wouldyou,MisterSir?”Brunowhispered.“Itmightcomejustwhenyouwantedtobehappy!” Thatwouldbeawkward,Iadmitted,takingitquiteasamatterofcoursethathehadsosuddenlycaughtsightofme.“Butdon’tyoualwayswanttobehappy,Bruno?” “Notalways,”Brunosaidthoughtfully.“Sometimes,whenI’stoohappy,Iwantstobealittlemiserable. ThenIjusttellSylvieaboutit,ooknow,andSylviesetsmesomelessons.Thenit’sallright.” “I’msorryyoudon’tlikelessons,”Isaid. “YoushouldcopySylvie.She’salwaysasbusyasthedayislong!” “No,no!”Sylviecorrectedhim.“You’reasbusyasthedayisshort!” “Well,what’sthedifference?”Brunoasked.“MisterSir,isn’tthedayasshortasit’slong?Imean,isn’titthesamelength?” Neverhavingconsideredthequestioninthislight,IsuggestedthattheyhadbetterasktheProfessor;andtheyranoffinamomenttoappealtotheiroldfriend. TheProfessorleftoffpolishinghisspectaclestoconsider. “Mydears,”hesaidafteraminute,“thedayisthesamelengthasanythingthatisthesamelengthasit.” Andheresumedhisnever-endingtaskofpolishing. Thechildrenreturned,slowlyandthoughtfully,toreporthisanswer.“Isn’thewise?” Sylvieaskedinanawestruckwhisper.“IfIwasaswiseasthat,Ishouldhaveahead-achealldaylong.IknowIshould!” “Youappeartobetalkingtosomebody—thatisn’there,”theProfessorsaid,turningroundtothechildren.“Whoisit?” Brunolookedpuzzled.“Inevertalkstonobodywhenheisn’there!”hereplied.“Itisn’tgoodmanners.Ooshouldalwayswaittillhecomes,beforeootalkstohim!” TheProfessorlookedanxiouslyinmydirection,andseemedtolookthroughandthroughmewithoutseeingme.“Thenwhoareyoutalkingto?”hesaid. “Thereisn’tanybodyhere,youknow,excepttheOtherProfessorandheisn’there!” headdedwildly,turningroundandroundlikeateetotum.“Children!Helptolookforhim!Quick!He’sgotlostagain!” Thechildrenwereontheirfeetinamoment. “Whereshallwelook?”saidSylvie. “Anywhere!”shoutedtheexcitedProfessor.“Onlybequickaboutit!”Andhebegantrottingroundandroundtheroom,liftingupthechairs,andshakingthem. Brunotookaverysmallbookoutofthebookcase,openedit,andshookitinimitationoftheProfessor.“Heisn’there,”hesaid. “Heca’n’tbethere,Bruno!”Sylviesaidindignantly. “Courseheca’n’t!”saidBruno.“Ishouldhaveshookedhimout,ifhe’dbeeninthere!” “Hasheeverbeenlostbefore?”Sylvieenquired,turningupacornerofthehearth-rug,andpeepingunderit. “Oncebefore,”saidtheProfessor:“heoncelosthimselfinawood—” “Andcouldn’thefindhis-selfagain?”saidBruno.“Whydidn’theshout?He’dbesuretohearhis-self,‘causehecouldn’tbefaroff,ooknow.” “Letstryshouting,”saidtheProfessor. “Whatshallweshout?”saidSylvie. “Onsecondthoughts,don’tshout,”theProfessorreplied.“TheVice-Wardenmighthearyou.He’sgettingawfullystrict!” Thisremindedthepoorchildrenofallthetroubles,aboutwhichtheyhadcometotheiroldfriend. Brunosatdownonthefloorandbegancrying.“Heissocruel!”hesobbed. “AndheletsUggugtakeawayallmytoys!Andsuchhorridmeals!” “Whatdidyouhavefordinnerto-day?”saidtheProfessor. “Alittlepieceofadeadcrow,”wasBruno’smournfulreply. “Hemeansrook-pie,”Sylvieexplained. “Itwereadeadcrow,”Brunopersisted.“Andtherewereaapple-pudding—andUggugateitall—andIgotnuffinbutacrust! AndIaskedforaorange—and—didn’tgetit!” AndthepoorlittlefellowburiedhisfaceinSylvie’slap,whokeptgentlystrokinghishair,asshewenton.“It’salltrue,Professordear! TheydotreatmydarlingBrunoverybadly! Andthey’renotkindtomeeither,”sheaddedinalowertone,asifthatwereathingofmuchlessimportance. TheProfessorgotoutalargeredsilkhandkerchief,andwipedhiseyes.“IwishIcouldhelpyou,dearchildren!”hesaid.“ButwhatcanIdo?” “WeknowthewaytoFairyland—whereFather’sgone—quitewell,”saidSylvie:“ifonlytheGardenerwouldletusout.” “Won’theopenthedoorforyou?”saidtheProfessor. “Notforus,”saidSylvie:“butI’msurehewouldforyou.Docomeandaskhim,Professordear!” “I’llcomethisminute!”saidtheProfessor. Brunosatupanddriedhiseyes.“Isn’thekind,MisterSir?” “Heisindeed,”saidI.ButtheProfessortooknonoticeofmyremark. Hehadputonabeautifulcapwithalongtassel,andwasselectingoneoftheOtherProfessor’swalking-sticks,fromastandinthecorneroftheroom. “Athickstickinone’shandmakespeoplerespectful,”hewassayingtohimself.“Comealong,dearchildren!” Andweallwentoutintothegardentogether. “Ishalladdresshim,firstofall,”theProfessorexplainedaswewentalong,“withafewplayfulremarksontheweather. IshallthenquestionhimabouttheOtherProfessor.Thiswillhaveadoubleadvantage. First,itwillopentheconversation(youcan’tevendrinkabottleofwinewithoutopeningitfirst):andsecondly,ifhe’sseentheOtherProfessor,weshallfindhimthatway:and,ifhehasn’t,wesha’n’t.” Onourway,wepassedthetarget,atwhichUggughadbeenmadetoshootduringtheAmbassador’svisit. “See!”saidtheProfessor,pointingoutaholeinthemiddleofthebull’s-eye.“HisImperialFatnesshadonlyoneshotatit;andhewentinjusthere! Brunocarefullyexaminedthehole.“Couldn’tgointhere,”hewhisperedtome.“Hearetoofat!” WehadnosortofdifficultyinfindingtheGardener. Thoughhewashiddenfromusbysometrees,thatharshvoiceofhisservedtodirectus;and,aswedrewnearer,thewordsofhissongbecamemoreandmoreplainlyaudible:- “HethoughthesawanAlbatross Thatflutteredroundthelamp: Helookedagain,andfounditwas ‘You’dbestbegettinghome,’hesaid: “Woulditbeafraidofcatchingcold?”saidBruno. Ifitgotverydamp,”Sylviesuggested,“itmightsticktosomething,youknow.” “Andthatsomefinwouldhavetogobythepost,whateveritwas!”Brunoeagerlyexclaimed.“Supposeitwasacow!Wouldn’titbedreadfulfortheotherthings!” “Andallthesethingshappenedtohim,”saidtheProfessor.“That’swhatmakesthesongsointeresting.” “Hemusthavehadaverycuriouslife,”saidSylvie. “Youmaysaythat!”theProfessorheartilyrejoined. “Ofcourseshemay!”criedBruno. BythistimewehadcomeuptotheGardener,whowasstandingononeleg,asusual,andbusilyemployedinwateringabedofflowerswithanemptywatering-can. “Ithasn’tgotnowaterinit!”Brunoexplainedtohim,pullinghissleevetoattracthisattention. “It’slightertohold,”saidtheGardener.“Alotofwaterinitmakesone’sarmsache.”Andhewentonwithhiswork,singingsoftlytohimself “Indiggingthingsoutofthegroundwhichyouprobablydonowandthen,”theProfessorbeganinaloudvoice;“inmakingthingsintoheaps—whichnodoubtyouoftendo;andinkickingthingsaboutwithoneheel—whichyouseemnevertoleaveoffdoing;haveyoueverhappenedtonoticeanotherProfessorsomethinglikeme,butdifferent?” “Never!”shoutedtheGardener,soloudlyandviolentlythatwealldrewbackinalarm.“Thereain’tsuchathing!” “Wewilltryalessexcitingtopic,”theProfessormildlyremarkedtothechildren.“Youwereasking—” “Weaskedhimtoletusthroughthegarden-door,”saidSylvie:“buthewouldn’t:butperhapshewouldforyou!” TheProfessorputtherequest,veryhumblyandcourteously. “Iwouldn’tmindlettingyouout,”saidtheGardener.“ButImustn’topenthedoorforchildren.D’youthinkI’ddisobeytheRules?Notforone-and-sixpence!” TheProfessorcautiouslyproducedacoupleofshillings. “That’lldoit!”theGardenershouted,ashehurledthewatering-canacrosstheflower-bed,andproducedahandfulofkeys—onelargeone,andanumberofsmallones. “Butlookhere,Professordear!”whisperedSylvie.“Heneedn’topenthedoorforus,atall.Wecangooutwithyou.” “True,dearchild!”theProfessorthankfullyreplied,ashereplacedthecoinsinhispocket.“Thatsavestwoshillings!” Andhetookthechildren’shands,thattheymightallgoouttogetherwhenthedoorwasopened. This,however,didnotseemaverylikelyevent,thoughtheGardenerpatientlytriedallthesmallkeys,overandoveragain. AtlasttheProfessorventuredonagentlesuggestion.“Whynottrythelargeone?Ihaveoftenobservedthatadoorunlocksmuchmorenicelywithitsownkey.” Theveryfirsttrialofthelargekeyprovedasuccess:theGardeneropenedthedoor,andheldouthishandforthemoney. TheProfessorshookhishead.“YouareactingbyRule,”heexplained,“inopeningthedoorforme.Andnowit’sopen,wearegoingoutbyRule—theRuleofThree.” TheGardenerlookedpuzzled,andletusgoout;but,ashelockedthedoorbehindus,weheardhimsingingthoughtfullytohimself “HethoughthesawaGarden-Door Helookedagain,andfounditwas ‘Andallitsmystery,’hesaid, “Ishallnowreturn,”saidtheProfessor,whenwehadwalkedafewyards:“yousee,it’simpossibletoreadhere,forallmybooksareinthehouse.” Butthechildrenstillkeptfastholdofhishands.“Docomewithus!”Sylvieentreatedwithtearsinhereyes. “Well,well!”saidthegood-naturedoldman. “PerhapsI’llcomeafteryou,somedaysoon.ButImustgobacknow. YouseeIleftoffatacomma,andit’ssoawkwardnotknowinghowthesentencefinishes! Besides,you’vegottogothroughDoglandfirst,andI’malwaysalittlenervousaboutdogs. Butit’llbequiteeasytocome,assoonasI’vecompletedmynewinvention—forcarryingone’s-self,youknow. Itwantsjustalittlemoreworkingout.” “Won’tthatbeverytiring,tocarryyourself?”Sylvieenquired. “Well,no,mychild.Yousee,whateverfatigueoneincursbycarrying,onesavesbybeingcarried!Good-bye,dears!Good-bye,Sir!” headdedtomyintensesurprise,givingmyhandanaffectionatesqueeze. “Good-bye,Professor!”Ireplied:butmyvoicesoundedstrangeandfaraway,andthechildrentooknottheslightestnoticeofourfarewell. Evidentlytheyneithersawmenorheardme,as,withtheirarmslovinglytwinedroundeachother,theymarchedboldlyon. 
