English
“Wewerelookingforyou!”criedSylvie,inatoneofgreatrelief.“Wedowantyousomuch,youca’n’tthink!”
“Whatisit,dearchildren?”theProfessorasked,beamingonthemwithaverydifferentlookfromwhatUggugevergotfromhim.
“WewantyoutospeaktotheGardenerforus,”Sylviesaid,assheandBrunotooktheoldman’shandsandledhimintothehall.
“He’seversounkind!”Brunomournfullyadded.“They’sallunkindtous,nowthatFather’sgone.TheLionweremuchnicer!”
“Butyoumustexplaintome,please,”theProfessorsaidwithananxiouslook,“whichistheLion,andwhichistheGardener.
It’smostimportantnottogettwosuchanimalsconfusedtogether.
Andone’sveryliabletodoitintheircase—bothhavingmouths,youknow—”
“Doosooalwaysconfusestwoanimalstogether?”Brunoasked.
“Prettyoften,I’mafraid,”theProfessorcandidlyconfessed.
“Now,forinstance,there’stherabbit-hutchandthehall-clock.”TheProfessorpointedthemout.
“Onegetsalittleconfusedwiththem—bothhavingdoors,youknow.
Now,onlyyesterday—wouldyoubelieveit?
—Iputsomelettucesintotheclock,andtriedtowinduptherabbit!”
“Didtherabbitgo,afteroowoundeditup?”saidBruno.
TheProfessorclaspedhishandsonthetopofhishead,andgroaned.“Go?Ishouldthinkitdidgo!Why,it’sgone?
Andwhereeverit’sgoneto—that’swhatIca’n’tfindout!
I’vedonemybest—I’vereadallthearticle‘Rabbit’inthegreatdictionary—Comein!”
“Onlythetailor,Sir,withyourlittlebill,”saidameekvoiceoutsidethedoor.
“Ah,well,Icansoonsettlehisbusiness,”theProfessorsaidtothechildren,“ifyou’lljustwaitaminute.Howmuchisit,thisyear,myman?”Thetailorhadcomeinwhilehewasspeaking.
“Well,it’sbeenadoublingsomanyyears,yousee,”thetailorreplied,alittlegruffly,“andIthinkI’dlikethemoneynow.It’stwothousandpound,itis!”
“Oh,that’snothing!”theProfessorcarelesslyremarked,feelinginhispocket,asifhealwayscarriedatleastthatamountaboutwithhim.
“Butwouldn’tyouliketowaitjustanotheryear,andmakeitfourthousand?Justthinkhowrichyou’dbe!
Why,youmightbeaKing,ifyouliked!”
“Idon’tknowasI’dcareaboutbeingaKing,”themansaidthoughtfully.“Butit;dewsoundapowerfulsighto’money!Well,IthinkI’llwait—”
“Ofcourseyouwill!”saidtheProfessor.“There’sgoodsenseinyou,Isee.Good-daytoyou,myman!”
“Willyoueverhavetopayhimthatfourthousandpounds?”Sylvieaskedasthedoorclosedonthedepartingcreditor.
“Never,mychild!”theProfessorrepliedemphatically.“He’llgoondoublingit,tillhedies.
Youseeit’salwaysworthwhilewaitinganotheryear,togettwiceasmuchmoney!
Andnowwhatwouldyouliketodo,mylittlefriends?
ShallItakeyoutoseetheOtherProfessor?
Thiswouldbeanexcellentopportunityforavisit,”hesaidtohimself,glancingathiswatch:“hegenerallytakesashortrest—offourteenminutesandahalf—aboutthistime.”
BrunohastilywentroundtoSylvie,whowasstandingattheothersideoftheProfessor,andputhishandintohers.
“Ithinkswe’dliketogo,”hesaiddoubtfully:“onlypleaselet’sgoalltogether.
It’sbesttobeonthesafeside,ooknow!”
“Why,youtalkasifyouwereSylvie!”exclaimedtheProfessor.
“IknowIdid,”Brunorepliedveryhumbly.“IquiteforgottedIwasn’tSylvie.OnlyIfoughthemightberarverfierce!”
TheProfessorlaughedajollylaugh.“Oh,he’squitetame!”hesaid.“Heneverbites.
He’sonlyalittle—alittledreamy,youknow.”
HetookholdofBruno’sotherhand;andledthechildrendownalongpassageIhadnevernoticedbefore—notthattherewasanythingremarkableinthat:IwasconstantlycomingonnewroomsandpassagesinthatmysteriousPalace,andveryseldomsucceededinfindingtheoldonesagain.
NeartheendofthepassagetheProfessorstopped.“Thisishisroom,”hesaid,pointingtothesolidwall.
“Weca’n’tgetinthroughthere!”Brunoexclaimed.
Sylviesaidnothing,tillshehadcarefullyexaminedwhetherthewallopenedanywhere.Thenshelaughedmerrily.“You’replayingusatrick,youdearoldthing!”shesaid.“There’snodoorhere!”
“Thereisn’tanydoortotheroom,”saidtheProfessor.“Weshallhavetoclimbinatthewindow.”
Sowewentintothegarden,andsoonfoundthewindowoftheOtherProfessor’sroom.
Itwasaground-floorwindow,andstoodinvitinglyopen:theProfessorfirstliftedthetwochildrenin,andthenheandIclimbedinafterthem.
TheOtherProfessorwasseatedatatable,withalargebookopenbeforehim,onwhichhisforeheadwasresting:hehadclaspedhisarmsroundthebook,andwassnoringheavily.
“Heusuallyreadslikethat,”theProfessorremarked,“whenthebook’sveryinteresting:andthensometimesit’sverydifficulttogethimtoattend!”
Thisseemedtobeoneofthedifficulttimes:theProfessorliftedhimup,onceortwice,andshookhimviolently:buthealwaysreturnedtohisbookthemomenthewasletgoof,andshowedbyhisheavybreathingthatthebookwasasinterestingasever.
“Howdreamyheis!”theProfessorexclaimed.
“Hemusthavegottoaveryinterestingpartofthebook!”
AndherainedquiteashowerofthumpsontheOtherProfessor’sback,shouting“Hoy!Hoy!”allthetime.
“Isn’titwonderfulthatheshouldbesodreamy?”hesaidtoBruno.
“Ifhe’salwaysassleepyasthat,”Brunoremarked,“acoursehe’sdreamy!”
“Butwhatarewetodo?”saidtheProfessor.“Youseehe’squitewrappedupinthebook!”
“Supposeooshutsthebook?”Brunosuggested.
“That’sit!”criedthedelightedProfessor.“Ofcoursethat’lldoit!”AndheshutupthebooksoquicklythathecaughttheOtherProfessor’snosebetweentheleaves,andgaveitaseverepinch.
TheOtherProfessorinstantlyrosetohisfeet,andcarriedthebookawaytotheendoftheroom,whereheputitbackinitsplaceinthebook-case.
“I’vebeenreadingforeighteenhoursandthree-quarters,”hesaid,“andnowIshallrestforfourteenminutesandahalf.IstheLectureallready?”
“Verynearly,“theProfessorhumblyreplied.“Ishallaskyoutogivemeahintortwo—therewillbeafewlittledifficulties—”
“AndBanquet,Ithinkyousaid?”
“Oh,yes!TheBanquetcomesfirst,ofcourse.
PeopleneverenjoyAbstractScience,youknow,whenthey’reravenouswithhunger.Andthenthere’stheFancy-Dress-Ball.Oh,there’llbelotsofentertainment!”
“WherewilltheBallcomein?”saidtheOtherProfessor.
“IthinkithadbettercomeatthebeginningoftheBanquet—itbringspeopletogethersonicely,youknow.”
“Yes,that’stherightorder.FirsttheMeeting:thentheEating:thentheTreating—forI’msureanyLectureyougiveuswillbeatreat!”
saidtheOtherProfessor,whohadbeenstandingwithhisbacktousallthistime,occupyinghimselfintakingthebooksout,onebyone,andturningthemupside-down.
Aneasel,withablackboardonit,stoodnearhim:and,everytimethatheturnedabookupside-down,hemadeamarkontheboardwithapieceofchalk.
“Andastothe‘Pig-Tale’—whichyouhavesokindlypromisedtogiveus—”theProfessorwenton,thoughtfullyrubbinghischin.
“IthinkthathadbettercomeattheendoftheBanquet:thenpeoplecanlistentoitquietly.”
“ShallIsingit?”theOtherProfessorasked,withasmileofdelight.
“Ifyoucan,”theProfessorreplied,cautiously.
“Letmetry,”saidtheOtherProfessor,seatinghimselfatthepianoforte.
“Forthesakeofargument,letusassumethatitbeginsonAflat.”Andhestruckthenoteinquestion.“La,la,la!Ithinkthat’swithinanoctaveofit.”
Hestruckthenoteagain,andappealedtoBruno,whowasstandingathisside.“DidIsingitlikethat,mychild?”
“No,oodidn’t,”Brunorepliedwithgreatdecision.“Itweremorelikeaduck.”
“Singlenotesareapttohavethateffect,”theOtherProfessorsaidwithasigh.“Letmetryawholeverse.
TherewasaPig,thatsatalone,
BesidearuinedPump.
Bydayandnighthemadehismoan:
Itwouldhavestirredaheartofstone
Toseehimwringhishoofsandgroan,
Becausehecouldnotjump.
Wouldyoucallthatatune,Professor?”heasked,whenhehadfinished.
TheProfessorconsideredalittle.“Well,”hesaidatlast,“someofthenotesarethesameasothersandsomearedifferentbutIshouldhardlycallitatune.”
“Letmetryitabitbymyself,”saidtheOtherProfessor.Andhebegantouchingthenoteshereandthere,andhummingtohimselflikeanangrybluebottle.
“Howdoyoulikehissinging?”theProfessoraskedthechildreninalowvoice.
“Itisn’tverybeautiful,”Sylviesaid,hesitatingly.
“It’sveryextremelyugly!”Brunosaid,withoutanyhesitationatall.
“Allextremesarebad,”theProfessorsaid,verygravely.
“Forinstance,Sobrietyisaverygoodthing,whenpractisedinmoderation:butevenSobriety,whencarriedtoanextreme,hasitsdisadvantages.”
“Whatareitsdisadvantages?”wasthequestionthatroseinmymind—and,asusual,Brunoaskeditforme.“Whatareitslizardbandages?’
“Well,thisisoneofthem,”saidtheProfessor.
“Whenaman’stipsy(that’soneextreme,youknow),heseesonethingastwo.
But,whenhe’sextremelysober(that’stheotherextreme),heseestwothingsasone.
It’sequallyinconvenient,whicheverhappens.
“Whatdoes‘illconvenient’mean?”BrunowhisperedtoSylvie.
“Thedifferencebetween‘convenient’and‘inconvenient’isbestexplainedbyanexample,”saidtheOtherProfessor,whohadoverheardthequestion.
“Ifyou’lljustthinkoveranyPoemthatcontainsthetwowords—suchas—”
TheProfessorputhishandsoverhisears,withalookofdismay.“IfyouoncelethimbeginaPoem,”hesaidtoSylvie,“he’llneverleaveoffagain!Heneverdoes!”
“DidheeverbeginaPoemandnotleaveoffagain?”Sylvieenquired.
“Threetimes,”saidtheProfessor.
Brunoraisedhimselfontiptoe,tillhislipswereonalevelwithSylvie’sear.“WhatbecameofthemthreePoems?”hewhispered.“Ishesayingthemall,now?”
“Hush!”saidSylvie.“TheOtherProfessorisspeaking!”
“I’llsayitveryquick,”murmuredtheOtherProfessor,withdowncasteyes,andmelancholyvoice,whichcontrastedoddlywithhisface,ashehadforgottentoleaveoffsmiling.
(“Atleastitwasn’texactlyasmile,”asSylviesaidafterwards:“itlookedasifhismouthwasmadethatshape.”
“Goonthen,”saidtheProfessor.“Whatmustbemustbe.”
“Rememberthat!”SylviewhisperedtoBruno,“It’saverygoodruleforwheneveryouhurtyourself.”
“Andit’saverygoodruleforwheneverImakeanoise,”saidthesaucylittlefellow.“Soyourememberittoo,Miss!”
“Whateverdoyoumean?”saidSylvie,tryingtofrown,athingshenevermanagedparticularlywell.
“Oftensandoftens,”saidBruno,“haven’tootoldme‘Theremustn’tbesomuchnoise,Bruno!’whenI’vetoldedoo‘Theremust!’
Why,thereisn’tnorulesatallabout‘Theremustn’t’!Butooneverbelievesme!”
“Asifanyonecouldbelieveyou,youwickedwickedboy!”saidSylvie.
Thewordsweresevereenough,butIamofopinionthat,whenyouarereallyanxioustoimpressacriminalwithasenseofhisguilt,yououghtnottopronouncethesentencewithyourlipsquiteclosetohischeek—sinceakissattheendofit,howeveraccidental,weakenstheeffectterribly.
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