English
Shehadgotupveryearlyinthemorningandhadworkedhardinthegardenandshewastiredandsleepy,soassoonasMarthahadbroughthersupperandshehadeatenit,shewasgladtogotobed.
Asshelaidherheadonthepillowshemurmuredtoherself:
“I’llgooutbeforebreakfastandworkwithDickonandthenafterward—Ibelieve—I’llgotoseehim.”
Shethoughtitwasthemiddleofthenightwhenshewasawakenedbysuchdreadfulsoundsthatshejumpedoutofbedinaninstant.Whatwasit—whatwasit?
Thenextminuteshefeltquitesuresheknew.
Doorswereopenedandshutandtherewerehurryingfeetinthecorridorsandsomeonewascryingandscreamingatthesametime,screamingandcryinginahorribleway.
“It’sColin,”shesaid.“He’shavingoneofthosetantrumsthenursecalledhysterics.Howawfulitsounds.”
Asshelistenedtothesobbingscreamsshedidnotwonderthatpeopleweresofrightenedthattheygavehimhisownwayineverythingratherthanhearthem.
Sheputherhandsoverherearsandfeltsickandshivering.
“Idon’tknowwhattodo.Idon’tknowwhattodo,”shekeptsaying.“Ican’tbearit.”
Onceshewonderedifhewouldstopifshedaredgotohimandthensherememberedhowhehaddrivenheroutoftheroomandthoughtthatperhapsthesightofhermightmakehimworse.
Evenwhenshepressedherhandsmoretightlyoverherearsshecouldnotkeeptheawfulsoundsout.
Shehatedthemsoandwassoterrifiedbythemthatsuddenlytheybegantomakeherangryandshefeltasifsheshouldliketoflyintoatantrumherselfandfrightenhimashewasfrighteningher.
Shewasnotusedtoanyone’stempersbutherown.
Shetookherhandsfromherearsandsprangupandstampedherfoot.
“Heoughttobestopped!Somebodyoughttomakehimstop!Somebodyoughttobeathim!”shecriedout.
Justthensheheardfeetalmostrunningdownthecorridorandherdooropenedandthenursecamein.Shewasnotlaughingnowbyanymeans.Sheevenlookedratherpale.
“He’sworkedhimselfintohysterics,”shesaidinagreathurry.“He’lldohimselfharm.Noonecandoanythingwithhim.Youcomeandtry,likeagoodchild.Helikesyou.”
“Heturnedmeoutoftheroomthismorning,”saidMary,stampingherfootwithexcitement.
Thestampratherpleasedthenurse.ThetruthwasthatshehadbeenafraidshemightfindMarycryingandhidingherheadunderthebed-clothes.
“That’sright,”shesaid.“You’reintherighthumor.Yougoandscoldhim.Givehimsomethingnewtothinkof.Dogo,child,asquickaseveryoucan.”
ItwasnotuntilafterwardthatMaryrealizedthatthethinghadbeenfunnyaswellasdreadful—thatitwasfunnythatallthegrown-uppeopleweresofrightenedthattheycametoalittlegirljustbecausetheyguessedshewasalmostasbadasColinhimself.
Sheflewalongthecorridorandthenearershegottothescreamsthehigherhertempermounted.
Shefeltquitewickedbythetimeshereachedthedoor.
Sheslappeditopenwithherhandandranacrosstheroomtothefour-postedbed.
“Youstop!”shealmostshouted.“Youstop!Ihateyou!Everybodyhatesyou!
Iwisheverybodywouldrunoutofthehouseandletyouscreamyourselftodeath!
Youwillscreamyourselftodeathinaminute,andIwishyouwould!”
Anicesympatheticchildcouldneitherhavethoughtnorsaidsuchthings,butitjusthappenedthattheshockofhearingthemwasthebestpossiblethingforthishystericalboywhomnoonehadeverdaredtorestrainorcontradict.
Hehadbeenlyingonhisfacebeatinghispillowwithhishandsandheactuallyalmostjumpedaround,heturnedsoquicklyatthesoundofthefuriouslittlevoice.
Hisfacelookeddreadful,whiteandredandswollen,andhewasgaspingandchoking;butsavagelittleMarydidnotcareanatom.
“Ifyouscreamanotherscream,”shesaid,“I’llscreamtoo—andIcanscreamlouderthanyoucanandI’llfrightenyou,I’llfrightenyou!”
Heactuallyhadstoppedscreamingbecauseshehadstartledhimso.Thescreamwhichhadbeencomingalmostchokedhim.Thetearswerestreamingdownhisfaceandheshookallover.
“Ican’tstop!”hegaspedandsobbed.“Ican’t—Ican’t!”
“Youcan!”shoutedMary.“Halfthatailsyouishystericsandtemper—justhysterics—hysterics—hysterics!”andshestampedeachtimeshesaidit.
“Ifeltthelump—Ifeltit,”chokedoutColin.“IknewIshould.
IshallhaveahunchonmybackandthenIshalldie,”andhebegantowritheagainandturnedonhisfaceandsobbedandwailedbuthedidn’tscream.
“Youdidn’tfeelalump!”contradictedMaryfiercely.
“Ifyoudiditwasonlyahystericallump.Hystericsmakeslumps.
There’snothingthematterwithyourhorridback—nothingbuthysterics!Turnoverandletmelookatit!”
Shelikedtheword“hysterics”andfeltsomehowasifithadaneffectonhim.Hewasprobablylikeherselfandhadneverhearditbefore.
“Nurse,”shecommanded,“comehereandshowmehisbackthisminute!”
Thenurse,Mrs.MedlockandMarthahadbeenstandinghuddledtogethernearthedoorstaringather,theirmouthshalfopen.
Allthreehadgaspedwithfrightmorethanonce.
Thenursecameforwardasifshewerehalfafraid.
Colinwasheavingwithgreatbreathlesssobs.
“Perhapshe—hewon’tletme,”shehesitatedinalowvoice.
Colinheardher,however,andhegaspedoutbetweentwosobs:
“Sh-showher!She-she’llseethen!”
Itwasapoorthinbacktolookatwhenitwasbared.
Everyribcouldbecountedandeveryjointofthespine,thoughMistressMarydidnotcountthemasshebentoverandexaminedthemwithasolemnsavagelittleface.
Shelookedsosourandold-fashionedthatthenurseturnedherheadasidetohidethetwitchingofhermouth.
Therewasjustaminute’ssilence,forevenColintriedtoholdhisbreathwhileMarylookedupanddownhisspine,anddownandup,asintentlyasifshehadbeenthegreatdoctorfromLondon.
“There’snotasinglelumpthere!”shesaidatlast.
“There’snotalumpasbigasapin—exceptbackbonelumps,andyoucanonlyfeelthembecauseyou’rethin.
I’vegotbackbonelumpsmyself,andtheyusedtostickoutasmuchasyoursdo,untilIbegantogetfatter,andIamnotfatenoughyettohidethem.There’snotalumpasbigasapin!
Ifyoueversaythereisagain,Ishalllaugh!”
NoonebutColinhimselfknewwhateffectthosecrosslyspokenchildishwordshadonhim.
Ifhehadeverhadanyonetotalktoabouthissecretterrors—ifhehadeverdaredtolethimselfaskquestions—ifhehadhadchildishcompanionsandhadnotlainonhisbackinthehugeclosedhouse,breathinganatmosphereheavywiththefearsofpeoplewhoweremostofthemignorantandtiredofhim,hewouldhavefoundoutthatmostofhisfrightandillnesswascreatedbyhimself.
Buthehadlainandthoughtofhimselfandhisachesandwearinessforhoursanddaysandmonthsandyears.
Andnowthatanangryunsympatheticlittlegirlinsistedobstinatelythathewasnotasillashethoughthewasheactuallyfeltasifshemightbespeakingthetruth.
“Ididn’tknow,”venturedthenurse,“thathethoughthehadalumponhisspine.
Hisbackisweakbecausehewon’ttrytositup.
Icouldhavetoldhimtherewasnolumpthere.”
Colingulpedandturnedhisfacealittletolookather.
“C-couldyou?”hesaidpathetically.
“Yes,sir.”
“There!”saidMary,andshegulpedtoo.
Colinturnedonhisfaceagainandbutforhislong-drawnbrokenbreaths,whichwerethedyingdownofhisstormofsobbing,helaystillforaminute,thoughgreattearsstreameddownhisfaceandwetthepillow.
Actuallythetearsmeantthatacuriousgreatreliefhadcometohim.
PresentlyheturnedandlookedatthenurseagainandstrangelyenoughhewasnotlikeaRajahatallashespoketoher.
“Doyouthink—Icould—livetogrowup?”hesaid.
Thenursewasneitherclevernorsoft-heartedbutshecouldrepeatsomeoftheLondondoctor’swords.
“Youprobablywillifyouwilldowhatyouaretoldtodoandnotgivewaytoyourtemper,andstayoutagreatdealinthefreshair.”
Colin’stantrumhadpassedandhewasweakandwornoutwithcryingandthisperhapsmadehimfeelgentle.
HeputouthishandalittletowardMary,andIamgladtosaythat,herowntantumhavingpassed,shewassoftenedtooandmethimhalf-waywithherhand,sothatitwasasortofmakingup.
“I’ll—I’llgooutwithyou,Mary,”hesaid.
“Ishan’thatefreshairifwecanfind—”Herememberedjustintimetostophimselffromsaying“ifwecanfindthesecretgarden”andheended,“IshallliketogooutwithyouifDickonwillcomeandpushmychair.
IdosowanttoseeDickonandthefoxandthecrow.”
Thenurseremadethetumbledbedandshookandstraightenedthepillows.
ThenshemadeColinacupofbeefteaandgaveacuptoMary,whoreallywasverygladtogetitafterherexcitement.
Mrs.MedlockandMarthagladlyslippedaway,andaftereverythingwasneatandcalmandinorderthenurselookedasifshewouldverygladlyslipawayalso.
ShewasahealthyyoungwomanwhoresentedbeingrobbedofhersleepandsheyawnedquiteopenlyasshelookedatMary,whohadpushedherbigfootstoolclosetothefour-postedbedandwasholdingColin’shand.
“Youmustgobackandgetyoursleepout,”shesaid.“He’lldropoffafterawhile—ifhe’snottooupset.ThenI’llliedownmyselfinthenextroom.”
“WouldyoulikemetosingyouthatsongIlearnedfrommyAyah?”MarywhisperedtoColin.
Hishandpulledhersgentlyandheturnedhistiredeyesonherappealingly.
“Oh,yes!”heanswered.“It’ssuchasoftsong.Ishallgotosleepinaminute.”
“Iwillputhimtosleep,”Marysaidtotheyawningnurse.“Youcangoifyoulike.”
“Well,”saidthenurse,withanattemptatreluctance.“Ifhedoesn’tgotosleepinhalfanhouryoumustcallme.”
“Verywell,”answeredMary.
ThenursewasoutoftheroominaminuteandassoonasshewasgoneColinpulledMary’shandagain.
“Ialmosttold,”hesaid;“butIstoppedmyselfintime.
Iwon’ttalkandI’llgotosleep,butyousaidyouhadawholelotofnicethingstotellme.
Haveyou—doyouthinkyouhavefoundoutanythingatallaboutthewayintothesecretgarden?”
Marylookedathispoorlittletiredfaceandswolleneyesandherheartrelented.
“Ye-es,”sheanswered,“IthinkIhave.AndifyouwillgotosleepIwilltellyoutomorrow.”Hishandquitetrembled.
“Oh,Mary!”hesaid.“Oh,Mary!
IfIcouldgetintoitIthinkIshouldlivetogrowup!
DoyousupposethatinsteadofsingingtheAyahsong—youcouldjusttellmesoftlyasyoudidthatfirstdaywhatyouimagineitlookslikeinside?Iamsureitwillmakemegotosleep.”
“Yes,”answeredMary.“Shutyoureyes.”
Heclosedhiseyesandlayquitestillandsheheldhishandandbegantospeakveryslowlyandinaverylowvoice.
“Ithinkithasbeenleftalonesolong—thatithasgrownallintoalovelytangle.
Ithinktheroseshaveclimbedandclimbedandclimbeduntiltheyhangfromthebranchesandwallsandcreepovertheground—almostlikeastrangegraymist.
Someofthemhavediedbutmany—arealiveandwhenthesummercomestherewillbecurtainsandfountainsofroses.
Ithinkthegroundisfullofdaffodilsandsnowdropsandliliesandirisworkingtheirwayoutofthedark.
Nowthespringhasbegun—perhaps—perhaps—”
Thesoftdroneofhervoicewasmakinghimstillerandstillerandshesawitandwenton.
“Perhapstheyarecomingupthroughthegrass—perhapsthereareclustersofpurplecrocusesandgoldones—evennow.
Perhapstheleavesarebeginningtobreakoutanduncurl—andperhaps—thegrayischangingandagreengauzeveiliscreeping—andcreepingover—everything.
Andthebirdsarecomingtolookatit—becauseitis—sosafeandstill.
Andperhaps—perhaps—perhaps—”verysoftlyandslowlyindeed,“therobinhasfoundamate—andisbuildinganest.”
AndColinwasasleep.
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