Thejourneyinitselfhadnoterrorsforher;andshebeganitwithouteitherdreadingitslengthorfeelingitssolitariness.
Leaningbackinonecomerofthecarriage,inaviolentburstoftears,shewasconveyedsomemilesbeyondthewallsoftheabbeybeforesheraisedherhead;andthehighestpointofgroundwithintheparkwasalmostclosedfromherviewbeforeshewascapableofturninghereyestowardsit.
Unfortunately,theroadshenowtravelledwasthesamewhichonlytendaysagoshehadsohappilypassedalongingoingtoandfromWoodston;and,forfourteenmiles,everybitterfeelingwasrenderedmoreseverebythereviewofobjectsonwhichshehadfirstlookedunderimpressionssodifferent.
Everymile,asitbroughthernearerWoodston,addedtohersufferings,andwhenwithinthedistanceoffive,shepassedtheturningwhichledtoit,andthoughtofHenry,sonear,yetsounconscious,hergriefandagitationwereexcessive.
Itwasthere,itwasonthatday,thatthegeneralhadmadeuseofsuchexpressionswithregardtoHenryandherself,hadsospokenandsolookedastogiveherthemostpositiveconvictionofhisactuallywishingtheirmarriage.
Yes,onlytendaysagohadheelatedherbyhispointedregard—hadheevenconfusedherbyhistoosignificantreference!
Theonlyoffenceagainsthimofwhichshecouldaccuseherselfhadbeensuchaswasscarcelypossibletoreachhisknowledge.
Henryandherownheartonlywereprivytotheshockingsuspicionswhichshehadsoidlyentertained;andequallysafedidshebelievehersecretwitheach.
If,indeed,byanystrangemischancehisfathershouldhavegainedintelligenceofwhatshehaddaredtothinkandlookfor,ofhercauselessfanciesandinjuriousexaminations,shecouldnotwonderatanydegreeofhisindignation.
HowHenrywouldthink,andfeel,andlook,whenhereturnedonthemorrowtoNorthangerandheardofherbeinggone,wasaquestionofforceandinteresttoriseovereveryother,tobeneverceasing,alternatelyirritatingandsoothing;itsometimessuggestedthedreadofhiscalmacquiescence,andatotherswasansweredbythesweetestconfidenceinhisregretandresentment.
Inthisunceasingrecurrenceofdoubtsandinquiries,onanyonearticleofwhichhermindwasincapableofmorethanmomentaryrepose,thehourspassedaway,andherjourneyadvancedmuchfasterthanshelookedfor.
Thepressinganxietiesofthought,whichpreventedherfromnoticinganythingbeforeher,whenoncebeyondtheneighbourhoodofWoodston,savedheratthesametimefromwatchingherprogress;andthoughnoobjectontheroadcouldengageamoment’sattention,shefoundnostageofittedious.
Fromthis,shewaspreservedtoobyanothercause,byfeelingnoeagernessforherjourney’sconclusion;fortoreturninsuchamannertoFullertonwasalmosttodestroythepleasureofameetingwiththoseshelovedbest,evenafteranabsencesuchashers—anelevenweeks’absence.
Whathadshetosaythatwouldnothumbleherselfandpainherfamily,thatwouldnotincreaseherowngriefbytheconfessionofit,extendanuselessresentment,andperhapsinvolvetheinnocentwiththeguiltyinundistinguishingillwill?
ShecouldneverdojusticetoHenryandEleanor’smerit;shefeltittoostronglyforexpression;andshouldadislikebetakenagainstthem,shouldtheybethoughtofunfavourably,ontheirfather’saccount,itwouldcuthertotheheart.
Withthesefeelings,sheratherdreadedthansoughtforthefirstviewofthatwell–knownspirewhichwouldannounceherwithintwentymilesofhome.
SalisburyshehadknowntobeherpointonleavingNorthanger;butafterthefirststageshehadbeenindebtedtothepost–mastersforthenamesoftheplaceswhichwerethentoconducthertoit;sogreathadbeenherignoranceofherroute.
Heryouth,civilmanners,andliberalpayprocuredheralltheattentionthatatravellerlikeherselfcouldrequire;andstoppingonlytochangehorses,shetravelledonforaboutelevenhourswithoutaccidentoralarm,andbetweensixandseveno’clockintheeveningfoundherselfenteringFullerton.
Aheroinereturning,atthecloseofhercareer,tohernativevillage,inallthetriumphofrecoveredreputation,andallthedignityofacountess,withalongtrainofnoblerelationsintheirseveralphaetons,andthreewaiting–maidsinatravellingchaiseandfour,behindher,isaneventonwhichthepenofthecontrivermaywelldelighttodwell;itgivescredittoeveryconclusion,andtheauthormustshareinthegloryshesoliberallybestows.
Butmyaffairiswidelydifferent;Ibringbackmyheroinetoherhomeinsolitudeanddisgrace;andnosweetelationofspiritscanleadmeintominuteness.
Swiftlythereforeshallherpost–boydrivethroughthevillage,amidthegazeofSundaygroups,andspeedyshallbeherdescentfromit.
But,whatevermightbethedistressofCatherine’smind,asshethusadvancedtowardstheparsonage,andwhateverthehumiliationofherbiographerinrelatingit,shewaspreparingenjoymentofnoeverydaynatureforthosetowhomshewent;first,intheappearanceofhercarriage—andsecondly,inherself.
ThechaiseofatravellerbeingararesightinFullerton,thewholefamilywereimmediatelyatthewindow;andtohaveitstopatthesweep–gatewasapleasuretobrighteneveryeyeandoccupyeveryfancy—apleasurequiteunlookedforbyallbutthetwoyoungestchildren,aboyandgirlofsixandfouryearsold,whoexpectedabrotherorsisterineverycarriage.
Herfather,mother,Sarah,George,andHarriet,allassembledatthedoortowelcomeherwithaffectionateeagerness,wasasighttoawakenthebestfeelingsofCatherine’sheart;andintheembraceofeach,asshesteppedfromthecarriage,shefoundherselfsoothedbeyondanythingthatshehadbelievedpossible.
Inthejoyfulnessoffamilyloveeverythingforashorttimewassubdued,andthepleasureofseeingher,leavingthematfirstlittleleisureforcalmcuriosity,theywereallseatedroundthetea–table,whichMrs.Morlandhadhurriedforthecomfortofthepoortraveller,whosepaleandjadedlookssooncaughthernotice,beforeanyinquirysodirectastodemandapositiveanswerwasaddressedtoher.
Reluctantly,andwithmuchhesitation,didshethenbeginwhatmightperhaps,attheendofhalfanhour,betermed,bythecourtesyofherhearers,anexplanation;butscarcely,withinthattime,couldtheyatalldiscoverthecause,orcollecttheparticulars,ofhersuddenreturn.
Theywerefarfrombeinganirritablerace;farfromanyquicknessincatching,orbitternessinresenting,affronts:buthere,whenthewholewasunfolded,wasaninsultnottobeoverlooked,nor,forthefirsthalfhour,tobeeasilypardoned.
Withoutsufferinganyromanticalarm,intheconsiderationoftheirdaughter’slongandlonelyjourney,Mr.andMrs.Morlandcouldnotbutfeelthatitmighthavebeenproductiveofmuchunpleasantnesstoher;thatitwaswhattheycouldneverhavevoluntarilysuffered;andthat,inforcingheronsuchameasure,GeneralTilneyhadactedneitherhonourablynorfeelingly—neitherasagentlemannorasaparent.
Whyhehaddoneit,whatcouldhaveprovokedhimtosuchabreachofhospitality,andsosuddenlyturnedallhispartialregardfortheirdaughterintoactualillwill,wasamatterwhichtheywereatleastasfarfromdiviningasCatherineherself;butitdidnotoppressthembyanymeanssolong;and,afteraduecourseofuselessconjecture,that“itwasastrangebusiness,andthathemustbeaverystrangeman,”grewenoughforalltheirindignationandwonder;thoughSarahindeedstillindulgedinthesweetsofincomprehensibility,exclaimingandconjecturingwithyouthfulardour.
“Mydear,yougiveyourselfagreatdealofneedlesstrouble,”saidhermotheratlast;“dependuponit,itissomethingnotatallworthunderstanding.”
“IcanallowforhiswishingCatherineaway,whenherecollectedthisengagement,”saidSarah,“butwhynotdoitcivilly?”
“Iamsorryfortheyoungpeople,”returnedMrs.Morland;“theymusthaveasadtimeofit;butasforanythingelse,itisnomatternow;Catherineissafeathome,andourcomfortdoesnotdependuponGeneralTilney.”Catherinesighed.
“Well,”continuedherphilosophicmother,“IamgladIdidnotknowofyourjourneyatthetime;butnowitisallover,perhapsthereisnogreatharmdone.
Itisalwaysgoodforyoungpeopletobeputuponexertingthemselves;andyouknow,mydearCatherine,youalwayswereasadlittlescatter–brainedcreature;butnowyoumusthavebeenforcedtohaveyourwitsaboutyou,withsomuchchangingofchaisesandsoforth;andIhopeitwillappearthatyouhavenotleftanythingbehindyouinanyofthepockets.”
Catherinehopedsotoo,andtriedtofeelaninterestinherownamendment,butherspiritswerequiteworndown;and,tobesilentandalonebecomingsoonheronlywish,shereadilyagreedtohermother’snextcounselofgoingearlytobed.
Herparents,seeingnothinginherilllooksandagitationbutthenaturalconsequenceofmortifiedfeelings,andoftheunusualexertionandfatigueofsuchajourney,partedfromherwithoutanydoubtoftheirbeingsoonsleptaway;andthough,whentheyallmetthenextmorning,herrecoverywasnotequaltotheirhopes,theywerestillperfectlyunsuspiciousoftherebeinganydeeperevil.
Theyneveroncethoughtofherheart,which,fortheparentsofayoungladyofseventeen,justreturnedfromherfirstexcursionfromhome,wasoddenough!
Assoonasbreakfastwasover,shesatdowntofulfilherpromisetoMissTilney,whosetrustintheeffectoftimeanddistanceonherfriend’sdispositionwasalreadyjustified,foralreadydidCatherinereproachherselfwithhavingpartedfromEleanorcoldly,withhavingneverenoughvaluedhermeritsorkindness,andneverenoughcommiseratedherforwhatshehadbeenyesterdaylefttoendure.
Thestrengthofthesefeelings,however,wasfarfromassistingherpen;andneverhaditbeenharderforhertowritethaninaddressingEleanorTilney.
Tocomposealetterwhichmightatoncedojusticetohersentimentsandhersituation,conveygratitudewithoutservileregret,beguardedwithoutcoldness,andhonestwithoutresentment—aletterwhichEleanormightnotbepainedbytheperusalof—and,aboveall,whichshemightnotblushherself,ifHenryshouldchancetosee,wasanundertakingtofrightenawayallherpowersofperformance;and,afterlongthoughtandmuchperplexity,tobeverybriefwasallthatshecoulddetermineonwithanyconfidenceofsafety.
ThemoneythereforewhichEleanorhadadvancedwasenclosedwithlittlemorethangratefulthanks,andthethousandgoodwishesofamostaffectionateheart.
Iamsorryithappensso,forMrs.Allenthoughtthemveryprettykindofyoungpeople;andyouweresadlyoutoflucktooinyourIsabella.Ah!PoorJames!
ThehopeofmeetingagaininthecourseofafewyearscouldonlyputintoCatherine’sheadwhatmighthappenwithinthattimetomakeameetingdreadfultoher.
ShecouldneverforgetHenryTilney,orthinkofhimwithlesstendernessthanshedidatthatmoment;buthemightforgether;andinthatcase,tomeet—!
Hereyesfilledwithtearsasshepicturedheracquaintancesorenewed;andhermother,perceivinghercomfortablesuggestionstohavehadnogoodeffect,proposed,asanotherexpedientforrestoringherspirits,thattheyshouldcallonMrs.Allen.
Thetwohouseswereonlyaquarterofamileapart;and,astheywalked,Mrs.MorlandquicklydispatchedallthatshefeltonthescoreofJames’sdisappointment.
“Wearesorryforhim,”saidshe;“butotherwisethereisnoharmdoneinthematchgoingoff;foritcouldnotbeadesirablethingtohavehimengagedtoagirlwhomwehadnotthesmallestacquaintancewith,andwhowassoentirelywithoutfortune;andnow,aftersuchbehaviour,wecannotthinkatallwellofher.
JustatpresentitcomeshardtopoorJames;butthatwillnotlastforever;andIdaresayhewillbeadiscreetermanallhislife,forthefoolishnessofhisfirstchoice.”
ThiswasjustsuchasummaryviewoftheaffairasCatherinecouldlistento;anothersentencemighthaveendangeredhercomplaisance,andmadeherreplylessrational;forsoonwereallherthinkingpowersswallowedupinthereflectionofherownchangeoffeelingsandspiritssincelastshehadtroddenthatwell–knownroad.
Itwasnotthreemonthsagosince,wildwithjoyfulexpectation,shehadthererunbackwardsandforwardssometentimesaday,withanheartlight,gay,andindependent;lookingforwardtopleasuresuntastedandunalloyed,andfreefromtheapprehensionofevilasfromtheknowledgeofit.
ShewasreceivedbytheAllenswithallthekindnesswhichherunlooked–forappearance,actingonasteadyaffection,wouldnaturallycallforth;andgreatwastheirsurprise,andwarmtheirdispleasure,onhearinghowshehadbeentreated—thoughMrs.Morland’saccountofitwasnoinflatedrepresentation,nostudiedappealtotheirpassions.
“Shetravelledallthewaypostbyherself,andknewnothingofcomingtillSaturdaynight;forGeneralTilney,fromsomeoddfancyorother,allofasuddengrewtiredofhavingherthere,andalmostturnedheroutofthehouse.
Mr.Allenexpressedhimselfontheoccasionwiththereasonableresentmentofasensiblefriend;andMrs.Allenthoughthisexpressionsquitegoodenoughtobeimmediatelymadeuseofagainbyherself.
Hiswonder,hisconjectures,andhisexplanationsbecameinsuccessionhers,withtheadditionofthissingleremark—“Ireallyhavenotpatiencewiththegeneral”—tofillupeveryaccidentalpause.
And,“Ireallyhavenotpatiencewiththegeneral,”wasutteredtwiceafterMr.Allenlefttheroom,withoutanyrelaxationofanger,oranymaterialdigressionofthought.
Amoreconsiderabledegreeofwanderingattendedthethirdrepetition;and,aftercompletingthefourth,sheimmediatelyadded,“Onlythink,mydear,ofmyhavinggotthatfrightfulgreatrentinmybestMechlinsocharminglymended,beforeIleftBath,thatonecanhardlyseewhereitwas.Imustshowityousomedayorother.
“Yes,butthatdidnotlastlong,”saidCatherine,hereyesbrighteningattherecollectionofwhathadfirstgivenspirittoherexistencethere.
IputthemonnewthefirsttimeofourgoingtotheLowerRooms,youknow,andIhavewornthemagreatdealsince.Doyourememberthatevening?”
“Itwasveryagreeable,wasnotit?Mr.Tilneydrankteawithus,andIalwaysthoughthimagreataddition,heissoveryagreeable.
Catherinecouldnotanswer;and,afterashorttrialofothersubjects,Mrs.Allenagainreturnedto—“Ireallyhavenotpatiencewiththegeneral!
Astheywalkedhomeagain,Mrs.Morlandendeavouredtoimpressonherdaughter’smindthehappinessofhavingsuchsteadywell–wishersasMr.andMrs.Allen,andtheverylittleconsiderationwhichtheneglectorunkindnessofslightacquaintanceliketheTilneysoughttohavewithher,whileshecouldpreservethegoodopinionandaffectionofherearliestfriends.
Therewasagreatdealofgoodsenseinallthis;buttherearesomesituationsofthehumanmindinwhichgoodsensehasverylittlepower;andCatherine’sfeelingscontradictedalmosteverypositionhermotheradvanced.
Itwasuponthebehaviouroftheseveryslightacquaintancethatallherpresenthappinessdepended;andwhileMrs.Morlandwassuccessfullyconfirmingherownopinionsbythejustnessofherownrepresentations,CatherinewassilentlyreflectingthatnowHenrymusthavearrivedatNorthanger;nowhemusthaveheardofherdeparture;andnow,perhaps,theywereallsettingoffforHereford.
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