English
I
ShehadlivedinWashingtonforayear.Shewastiredoftheoffice.Itwastolerable,farmoretolerablethanhousework,butitwasnotadventurous.
Shewashavingteaandcinnamontoast,aloneatasmallroundtableonthebalconyofRauscher'sConfiserie.Fourdebutantesclatteredin.
Shehadfeltyounganddissipated,hadthoughtratherwellofherblackandleaf–greensuit,butasshewatchedthem,thinofankle,softunderthechin,seventeenoreighteenatmost,smokingcigaretteswiththecorrectennuiandtalkingof"bedroomfarces"andtheirdesireto"runuptoNewYorkandseesomethingracy,"shebecameoldandrusticandplain,anddesirousofretreatingfromthesehardbrilliantchildrentoalifeeasierandmoresympathetic.
Whentheyflickeredoutandonechildgaveorderstoachauffeur,CarolwasnotadefiantphilosopherbutafadedgovernmentclerkfromGopherPrairie,Minnesota.
ShestarteddejectedlyupConnecticutAvenue.Shestopped,herheartstopped.
ComingtowardherwereHarryandJuanitaHaydock.
Sherantothem,shekissedJuanita,whileHarryconfided,"Hadn'texpectedtocometoWashington—hadtogotoNewYorkforsomebuying—didn'thaveyouraddressalong—justgotinthismorning—wonderedhowintheworldwecouldgetholdofyou."
Shewasdefinitelysorrytohearthattheyweretoleaveatninethatevening,andsheclungtothemaslongasshecould.ShetookthemtoSt.Mark'sfordinner.
Stooped,herelbowsonthetable,sheheardwithexcitementthat"CyBogarthadthe'flu,butofcoursehewastoogol–darnmeantodieofit."
"WillwrotemethatMr.Blausserhasgoneaway.Howdidhegeton?"
"Fine!Fine!Greatlosstothetown.Therewasarealpublic–spiritedfellow,allright!"
ShediscoveredthatshenowhadnoopinionswhateveraboutMr.Blausser,andshesaidsympathetically,"Willyoukeepupthetown–boostingcampaign?"
Harryfumbled,"Well,we'vedroppeditjusttemporarily,but—sureyoubet!Say,didthedocwriteyouabouttheluckB.J.GougerlinghadhuntingducksdowninTexas?"
Whenthenewshadbeentoldandtheirenthusiasmhadslackenedshelookedaboutandwasproudtobeabletopointoutasenator,toexplaintheclevernessofthecanopiedgarden.
Shefanciedthatamanwithdinner–coatandwaxedmustacheglancedsuperciliouslyatHarry'shighlyform–fittingbright–brownsuitandJuanita'stansilkfrock,whichwasdoubtfulattheseams.
Sheglaredback,defendingherown,daringtheworldnottoappreciatethem.
Then,wavingtothem,shelostthemdownthelongtrainshed.
Shestoodreadingthelistofstations:Harrisburg,Pittsburg,Chicago.BeyondChicago—?
Shesawthelakesandstubblefields,heardtherhythmofinsectsandthecreakofabuggy,wasgreetedbySamClark's"Well,well,how'sthelittlelady?"
NobodyinWashingtoncaredenoughforhertofretabouthersinsasSamdid.
ButthatnighttheyhadattheflatamanjustbackfromFinland.
II
ShewasonthePowhatanroofwiththecaptain.Atatable,somewhatvociferouslybuyingimprobable"softdrinks"fortwofluffygirls,wasamanwithalargefamiliarback.
"Oh!IthinkIknowhim,"shemurmured.
"Who?There?Oh,Bresnahan,PercyBresnahan."
"Yes.You'vemethim?Whatsortofamanishe?"
"He'sagood–heartedidiot.Iratherlikehim,andIbelievethatasasalesmanofmotorshe'sawonder.
Buthe'sanuisanceintheaeronauticsection.
Triessohardtobeusefulbuthedoesn'tknowanything—hedoesn'tknowanything.
Ratherpathetic:richmanpokingaroundandtryingtobeuseful.Doyouwanttospeaktohim?"
"No—no—Idon'tthinkso."
III
Shewasatamotion–pictureshow.Thefilmwasahighlyadvertisedandabysmalthingsmackingofsimperinghair–dressers,cheapperfume,red–plushsuitesonthebackstreetsoftenderloins,andcomplacentfatwomenchewinggum.
Itpretendedtodealwiththelifeofstudios.
Theleadingmandidaportraitwhichwasamasterpiece.
Healsosawvisionsinpipe–smoke,andwasverybraveandpoorandpure.
Hehadringlets,andhismasterpiecewasstrangelylikeanenlargedphotograph.
Carolpreparedtoleave.
Onthescreen,intheroleofacomposer,appearedanactorcalledEricValour.
Shewasstartled,incredulous,thenwretched.Lookingstraightoutather,wearingaberetandavelvetjacket,wasErikValborg.
Hehadapalepart,whichheplayedneitherwellnorbadly.Shespeculated,"Icouldhavemadesomuchofhim—"Shedidnotfinishherspeculation.
ShewenthomeandreadKennicott'sletters.
Theyhadseemedstiffandundetailed,butnowtherestrodefromthemapersonality,apersonalityunlikethatofthelanguishingyoungmaninthevelvetjacketplayingadummypianoinacanvasroom.
IV
KennicottfirstcametoseeherinNovember,thirteenmonthsafterherarrivalinWashington.
Whenheannouncedthathewascomingshewasnotatallsurethatshewishedtoseehim.
Shewasgladthathehadmadethedecisionhimself.
Shehadleavefromtheofficefortwodays.
Shewatchedhimmarchingfromthetrain,solid,assured,carryinghisheavysuit–case,andshewasdiffident—hewassuchabulkypersontohandle.
Theykissedeachotherquestioningly,andsaidatthesametime,"You'relookingfine;how'sthebaby?"
and"You'relookingawfullywell,dear;howiseverything?"
Hegrumbled,"Idon'twanttobuttinonanyplansyou'vemadeoryourfriendsoranything,butifyou'vegottimeforit,I'dliketochasearoundWashington,andtakeinsomerestaurantsandshowsandstuff,andforgetworkforawhile."
Sherealized,inthetaxicab,thathewaswearingasoftgraysuit,asofteasyhat,aflippanttie.
"Likethenewoutfit?Got'eminChicago.Gosh,Ihopethey'rethekindyoulike."
Theyspenthalfanhourattheflat,withHugh.Shewasflustered,buthegavenosignofkissingheragain.
Ashemovedaboutthesmallroomssherealizedthathehadhadhisnewtanshoespolishedtoabrassyluster.Therewasarecentcutonhischin.
HemusthaveshavedonthetrainjustbeforecomingintoWashington.
Itwaspleasanttofeelhowimportantshewas,howmanypeoplesherecognized,asshetookhimtotheCapitol,asshetoldhim(heaskedandsheobliginglyguessed)howmanyfeetitwastothetopofthedome,asshepointedoutSenatorLaFolletteandthevice–president,andatlunch–timeshowedherselfanhabituebyleadinghimthroughthecatacombstothesenaterestaurant.
Sherealizedthathewasslightlymorebald.
Thefamiliarwayinwhichhishairwaspartedontheleftsideagitatedher.
Shelookeddownathishands,andthefactthathisnailswereasill–treatedasevertouchedhermorethanhispleadingshoe–shine.
"You'dliketomotordowntoMountVernonthisafternoon,wouldn'tyou?"shesaid.
Itwastheonethinghehadplanned.HewasdelightedthatitseemedtobeaperfectlywellbredandWashingtonianthingtodo.
Heshylyheldherhandontheway,andtoldherthenews:theywereexcavatingthebasementforthenewschoolbuilding,Vida"madehimtiredthewayshealwayslookedattheMaje,"poorChetDashawayhadbeenkilledinamotoraccidentoutontheCoast.Hedidnotcoaxhertolikehim.
AtMountVernonheadmiredthepaneledlibraryandWashington'sdentaltools.
Sheknewthathewouldwantoysters,thathewouldhaveheardofHarvey'saproposofGrantandBlaine,andshetookhimthere.
Atdinnerhisheartyvoice,hisholidayenjoymentofeverything,turnedintonervousnessinhisdesiretoknowanumberofinterestingmatters,suchaswhethertheystillweremarried.
Buthedidnotaskquestions,andhesaidnothingaboutherreturning.
Heclearedhisthroatandobserved,"Ohsay,beentryingouttheoldcamera.Don'tyouthinktheseareprettygood?"
HetossedovertoherthirtyprintsofGopherPrairieandthecountryabout.
Withoutdefense,shewasthrownintoit.
Sherememberedthathehadluredherwithphotographsincourtshipdays;shemadeanoteofhissameness,hissatisfactionwiththetacticswhichhadprovedgoodbefore;butsheforgotitinthefamiliarplaces.
Shewasseeingthesun–speckledfernsamongbirchesontheshoreofMinniemashie,wind–rippledmilesofwheat,theporchoftheirownhousewhereHughhadplayed,MainStreetwhereshekneweverywindowandeveryface.
Shehandedthemback,withpraiseforhisphotography,andhetalkedoflensesandtime–exposures.
Dinnerwasoverandtheyweregossipingofherfriendsattheflat,butanintruderwaswiththem,sittingback,persistent,inescapable.Shecouldnotendureit.Shestammered:
"IhadyoucheckyourbagatthestationbecauseIwasn'tquitesurewhereyou'dstay.
I'mdreadfullysorrywehaven'troomtoputyouupattheflat.
Weoughttohaveseenaboutaroomforyoubefore.
Don'tyouthinkyoubettercalluptheWillardortheWashingtonnow?"
Hepeeredathercloudily.Withoutwordsheasked,withoutspeechsheanswered,whethershewasalsogoingtotheWillardortheWashington.
Butshetriedtolookasthoughshedidnotknowthattheyweredebatinganythingofthesort.
Shewouldhavehatedhimhadhebeenmeekaboutit.Buthewasneithermeeknorangry.
Howeverimpatienthemayhavebeenwithherblandnesshesaidreadily:
"Yes,guessIbetterdothat.Excusemeasecond.
Thenhowaboutgrabbingataxi(Gosh,isn'titthelimitthewaythesetaxishuffersskinaroundacorner?GotmorenervedrivingthanIhave!)andgoinguptoyourflatforawhile?
Liketomeetyourfriends—mustbefinewomen—andImighttakealookandseehowHughsleeps.Liketoknowhowhebreathes.
Don'tthinkhehasadenoids,butIbettermakesure,eh?"Hepattedhershoulder.
Attheflattheyfoundhertwohousematesandagirlwhohadbeentojailforsuffrage.Kennicottfittedinsurprisingly.
Helaughedatthegirl'sstoryofthehumorsofahunger–strike;hetoldthesecretarywhattodowhenhereyesweretiredfromtyping;andtheteacheraskedhim—notasthehusbandofafriendbutasaphysician—whethertherewas"anythingtothisinoculationforcolds."
HiscolloquialismsseemedtoCarolnomorelaxthantheirhabitualslang.
Likeanolderbrotherhekissedhergood–nightinthemidstofthecompany.
"He'sterriblynice,"saidherhousemates,andwaitedforconfidences.Theygotnone,nordidherownheart.
Shecouldfindnothingdefinitetoagonizeabout.
Shefeltthatshewasnolongeranalyzingandcontrollingforces,butsweptonbythem.
Hecametotheflatforbreakfast,andwashedthedishes.Thatwasheronlyoccasionforspite.Backhomeheneverthoughtofwashingdishes!
Shetookhimtotheobvious"sights"—theTreasury,theMonument,theCorcoranGallery,thePan–AmericanBuilding,theLincolnMemorial,withthePotomacbeyonditandtheArlingtonhillsandthecolumnsoftheLeeMansion.
Forallhiswillingnesstoplaytherewasoverhimamelancholywhichpiquedher.
Hisnormallyexpressionlesseyeshaddepthstothemnow,andstrangeness.
AstheywalkedthroughLafayetteSquare,lookingpasttheJacksonstatueatthelovelytranquilfacadeoftheWhiteHouse,hesighed,"IwishI'dhadashotatplaceslikethis.
WhenIwasintheU.,Ihadtoearnpartofmyway,andwhenIwasn'tdoingthatorstudying,IguessIwasroughhousing.
MygangwereagreatbunchforbummingaroundandraisingCain.
MaybeifI'dbeencaughtearlyandsenttoconcertsandallthat—WouldIhavebeenwhatyoucallintelligent?"
"Oh,mydear,don'tbehumble!Youareintelligent!Forinstance,you'rethemostthoroughdoctor—"
Hewasedgingaboutsomethinghewishedtosay.Hepouncedonit:
"YoudidlikethosepicturesofG.P.prettywell,afterall,didn'tyou!"
"Yes,ofcourse."
"Wouldn'tbesobadtohaveaglimpseoftheoldtown,wouldit!"
"No,itwouldn't.JustasIwasterriblygladtoseetheHaydocks.Butpleaseunderstandme!
Thatdoesn'tmeanthatIwithdrawallmycriticisms.
ThefactthatImightlikeaglimpseofoldfriendshasn'tanyparticularrelationtothequestionofwhetherGopherPrairieoughtn'ttohavefestivalsandlambchops."
Hastily,"No,no!Surenot.Iund'stand."
"ButIknowitmusthavebeenprettytiresometohavetolivewithanybodyasperfectasIwas."
Hegrinned.Shelikedhisgrin.
V
Hewasthrilledbyoldnegrocoachmen,admirals,aeroplanes,thebuildingtowhichhisincometaxwouldeventuallygo,aRolls–Royce,Lynnhavenoysters,theSupremeCourtRoom,aNewYorktheatricalmanagerdownforthetry–outofaplay,thehousewhereLincolndied,thecloaksofItalianofficers,thebarrowsatwhichclerksbuytheirbox–lunchesatnoon,thebargesontheChesapeakeCanal,andthefactthatDistrictofColumbiacarshadbothDistrictandMarylandlicenses.
SheresolutelytookhimtoherfavoritewhiteandgreencottagesandGeorgianhouses.
Headmittedthatfanlights,andwhiteshuttersagainstrosybrick,weremorehomelikethanapaintywoodenbox.Hevolunteered,"Iseehowyoumean.
Theymakemethinkofthesepicturesofanold–fashionedChristmas.
Oh,ifyoukeepatitlongenoughyou'llhaveSamandmereadingpoetryandeverything.
Ohsay,d'ItellyouaboutthisfiercegreenJackElder'shadhismachinepainted?"
VI
Theywereatdinner.
Hehinted,"Beforeyoushowedmethoseplacestoday,I'dalreadymadeupmymindthatwhenIbuiltthenewhouseweusedtotalkabout,I'dfixitthewayyouwantedit.
I'mprettypracticalaboutfoundationsandradiationandstufflikethat,butIguessIdon'tknowawholelotaboutarchitecture."
"Mydear,itoccurstomewithasuddenshockthatIdon'teither!"
"Well—anyway—youletmeplanthegarageandtheplumbing,andyoudotherest,ifyouever—Imean—ifyoueverwantto."
Doubtfully,"That'ssweetofyou."
"Lookhere,Carrie;youthinkI'mgoingtoaskyoutoloveme.I'mnot.AndI'mnotgoingtoaskyoutocomebacktoGopherPrairie!"
Shegaped.
"It'sbeenawhaleofafight.ButIguessI'vegotmyselftoseethatyouwon'teverstandG.P.unlessyouWANTtocomebacktoit.Ineedn'tsayI'mcrazytohaveyou.ButIwon'taskyou.
IjustwantyoutoknowhowIwaitforyou.
EverymailIlookforaletter,andwhenIgetoneI'mkindofscaredtoopenit,I'mhopingsomuchthatyou'recomingback.
Evenings—YouknowIdidn'topenthecottagedownatthelakeatall,thispastsummer.
Simplycouldn'tstandalltheotherslaughingandswimming,andyounotthere.
Iusedtositontheporch,intown,andI—Icouldn'tgetoverthefeelingthatyou'dsimplyrunuptothedrugstoreandwouldberightback,andtillafteritgotdarkI'dcatchmyselfwatching,lookingupthestreet,andyounevercame,andthehousewassoemptyandstillthatIdidn'tliketogoin.
AndsometimesIfellasleepthere,inmychair,anddidn'twakeuptillaftermidnight,andthehouse—Oh,thedevil!Pleasegetme,Carrie.
Ijustwantyoutoknowhowwelcomeyou'llbeifyoueverdocome.ButI'mnotaskingyouto."
"You're—It'sawfully—"
"'Notherthing.I'mgoingtobefrank.
Ihaven'talwaysbeenabsolutely,uh,absolutely,proper.
I'vealwayslovedyoumorethananythingelseintheworld,youandthekid.
ButsometimeswhenyouwerechillytomeI'dgetlonelyandsore,andpikeoutand—Neverintended—"
Sherescuedhimwithapitying,"It'sallright.Let'sforgetit."
"Butbeforeweweremarriedyousaidifyourhusbandeverdidanythingwrong,you'dwanthimtotellyou."
"DidI?Ican'tremember.AndIcan'tseemtothink.Oh,mydear,Idoknowhowgenerouslyyou'retryingtomakemehappy.Theonlythingis—Ican'tthink.Idon'tknowwhatIthink."
"Thenlisten!Don'tthink!Here'swhatIwantyoutodo!Getatwo–weeksleavefromyouroffice.Weather'sbeginningtogetchillyhere.Let'srundowntoCharlestonandSavannahandmaybeFlorida.
"Asecondhoneymoon?"indecisively.
"No.Don'tevencallitthat.Callitasecondwooing.Iwon'taskanything.
Ijustwantthechancetochasearoundwithyou.
IguessIneverappreciatedhowluckyIwastohaveagirlwithimaginationandlivelyfeettoplaywith.
So—CouldyoumayberunawayandseetheSouthwithme?
Ifyouwantedto,youcouldjust—youcouldjustpretendyouweremysisterand—I'llgetanextranurseforHugh!
I'llgetthebestdog–gonenurseinWashington!"
VII
ItwasintheVillaMargherita,bythepalmsoftheCharlestonBatteryandthemetallicharbor,thatheraloofnessmelted.
Whentheysatontheupperbalcony,enchantedbythemoonglitter,shecried,"ShallIgobacktoGopherPrairiewithyou?Decideforme.I'mtiredofdecidingandundeciding."
"No.You'vegottodoyourowndeciding.Asamatteroffact,inspiteofthishoneymoon,Idon'tthinkIwantyoutocomehome.Notyet."
Shecouldonlystare.
"Iwantyoutobesatisfiedwhenyougetthere.I'lldoeverythingIcantokeepyouhappy,butI'llmakelotsofbreaks,soIwantyoutotaketimeandthinkitover."
Shewasrelieved.Shestillhadachancetoseizesplendidindefinitefreedoms.
Shemightgo—oh,she'dseeEurope,somehow,beforeshewasrecaptured.
ButshealsohadafirmerrespectforKennicott.
Shehadfanciedthatherlifemightmakeastory.
Sheknewthattherewasnothingheroicorobviouslydramaticinit,nomagicofrarehours,norvaliantchallenge,butitseemedtoherthatshewasofsomesignificancebecauseshewascommonplaceness,theordinarylifeoftheage,madearticulateandprotesting.
IthadnotoccurredtoherthattherewasalsoastoryofWillKennicott,intowhichsheenteredonlysomuchasheenteredintohers;thathehadbewildermentsandconcealmentsasintricateasherown,andsofttreacherousdesiresforsympathy.
Thusshebrooded,lookingattheamazingsea,holdinghishand.
VIII
ShewasinWashington;KennicottwasinGopherPrairie,writingasdrylyaseveraboutwater–pipesandgoose–huntingandMrs.Fageros'smastoid.
Shewastalkingatdinnertoageneralissimaofsuffrage.Shouldshereturn?
Theleaderspokewearily:
"Mydear,I'mperfectlyselfish.Ican'tquitevisualizetheneedsofyourhusband,anditseemstomethatyourbabywilldoquiteaswellintheschoolshereasinyourbarracksathome."
"ThenyouthinkI'dbetternotgoback?"Carolsoundeddisappointed.
"It'smoredifficultthanthat.WhenIsaythatI'mselfishImeanthattheonlythingIconsideraboutwomeniswhetherthey'relikelytoproveusefulinbuildinguprealpoliticalpowerforwomen.Andyou?ShallIbefrank?
RememberwhenIsay'you'Idon'tmeanyoualone.
I'mthinkingofthousandsofwomenwhocometoWashingtonandNewYorkandChicagoeveryyear,dissatisfiedathomeandseekingasignintheheavens—womenofallsorts,fromtimidmothersoffiftyincottongloves,togirlsjustoutofVassarwhoorganizestrikesintheirownfathers'factories!
Allofyouaremoreorlessusefultome,butonlyafewofyoucantakemyplace,becauseIhaveonevirtue(onlyone):IhavegivenupfatherandmotherandchildrenfortheloveofGod.
"Here'sthetestforyou:Doyoucometo'conquertheEast,'aspeoplesay,ordoyoucometoconqueryourself?
"It'ssomuchmorecomplicatedthananyofyouknow—somuchmorecomplicatedthanIknewwhenIputonGroundGrippersandstartedouttoreformtheworld.
Thefinalcomplicationin'conqueringWashington'or'conqueringNewYork'isthattheconquerorsmustbeyondallthingsnotconquer!
Itmusthavebeensoeasyinthegoodolddayswhenauthorsdreamedonlyofsellingahundredthousandvolumes,andsculptorsofbeingfetedinbighouses,andeventheUplifterslikemehadasimple–heartedambitiontobeelectedtoimportantofficesandinvitedtogoroundlecturing.Butwemeddlershaveupseteverything.
Nowtheonethingthatisdisgracefultoanyofusisobvioussuccess.
TheUplifterwhoisverypopularwithwealthypatronscanbeprettysurethathehassoftenedhisphilosophytopleasethem,andtheauthorwhoismakinglotsofmoney—poorthings,I'veheard'emapologizingforittotheshabbybitter–enders;I'veseen'emashamedofthesleekluggagetheygotfrommovierights.
"Doyouwanttosacrificeyourselfinsuchatopsy–turvyworld,wherepopularitymakesyouunpopularwiththepeopleyoulove,andtheonlyfailureischeapsuccess,andtheonlyindividualististhepersonwhogivesupallhisindividualismtoserveajollyungratefulproletariatwhichthumbsitsnoseathim?"
Carolsmiledingratiatingly,toindicatethatshewasindeedonewhodesiredtosacrifice,butshesighed,"Idon'tknow;I'mafraidI'mnotheroic.Icertainlywasn'touthome.Whydidn'tIdobigeffective—"
"Notamatterofheroism.Matterofendurance.
YourMiddlewestisdouble–Puritan—prairiePuritanontopofNewEnglandPuritan;blufffrontiersmanonthesurface,butinitsheartitstillhastheidealofPlymouthRockinasleet–storm.
There'soneattackyoucanmakeonit,perhapstheonlykindthataccomplishesmuchanywhere:youcankeeponlookingatonethingafteranotherinyourhomeandchurchandbank,andaskwhyitis,andwhofirstlaiddownthelawthatithadtobethatway.
Ifenoughofusdothisimpolitelyenough,thenwe'llbecomecivilizedinmerelytwentythousandyearsorso,insteadofhavingtowaitthetwohundredthousandyearsthatmycynicalanthropologistfriendsallow....Easy,pleasant,lucrativehome–workforwives:askingpeopletodefinetheirjobs.
That'sthemostdangerousdoctrineIknow!"
Carolwasmediating,"Iwillgoback!Iwillgoonaskingquestions.
I'vealwaysdoneit,andalwaysfailedatit,andit'sallIcando.
I'mgoingtoaskEzraStowbodywhyhe'sopposedtothenationalizationofrailroads,andaskDaveDyerwhyadruggistalwaysispleasedwhenhe'scalled'doctor,'andmaybeaskMrs.Bogartwhyshewearsawidow'sveilthatlookslikeadeadcrow."
Thewomanleaderstraightened."Andyouhaveonething.Youhaveababytohug.That'smytemptation.
Idreamofbabies—ofababy—andIsneakaroundparkstoseethemplaying.
(ThechildreninDupontCirclearelikeapoppy–garden.)Andtheantiscallme'unsexed'!"
Carolwasthinking,inpanic,"Oughtn'tHughtohavecountryair?Iwon'tlethimbecomeayokel.Icanguidehimawayfromstreet–cornerloafing....IthinkIcan."
Onherwayhome:"NowthatI'vemadeaprecedent,joinedtheunionandgoneoutononestrikeandlearnedpersonalsolidarity,Iwon'tbesoafraid.
Willwon'talwaysberesistingmyrunningaway.
SomedayIreallywillgotoEuropewithhim...orwithouthim.
"I'velivedwithpeoplewhoarenotafraidtogotojail.IcouldinviteaMilesBjornstamtodinnerwithoutbeingafraidoftheHaydocks...IthinkIcould.
"I'lltakebackthesoundofYvetteGuilbert'ssongsandElman'sviolin.They'llbeonlythelovelieragainstthethrummingofcricketsinthestubbleonanautumnday.
"Icanlaughnowandbeserene...IthinkIcan."
Thoughsheshouldreturn,shesaid,shewouldnotbeutterlydefeated.Shewasgladofherrebellion.
Theprairiewasnolongeremptylandinthesun–glare;itwasthelivingtawnybeastwhichshehadfoughtandmadebeautifulbyfighting;andinthevillagestreetswereshadowsofherdesiresandthesoundofhermarchingandtheseedsofmysteryandgreatness.
IX
HeractivehatredofGopherPrairiehadrunout.
Shesawitnowasatoilingnewsettlement.
WithsympathysherememberedKennicott'sdefenseofitscitizensas"alotofprettygoodfolks,workinghardandtryingtobringuptheirfamiliesthebesttheycan."
SherecalledtenderlytheyoungawkwardnessofMainStreetandthemakeshiftsofthelittlebrowncottages;shepitiedtheirshabbinessandisolation;hadcompassionfortheirassertionofculture,evenasexpressedinThanatopsispapers,fortheirpretenseofgreatness,evenastrumpetedin"boosting."
ShesawMainStreetinthedustyprairiesunset,alineoffrontiershantieswithsolemnlonelypeoplewaitingforher,solemnandlonelyasanoldmanwhohasoutlivedhisfriends.
SherememberedthatKennicottandSamClarkhadlistenedtohersongs,andshewantedtoruntothemandsing.
"Atlast,"sherejoiced,"I'vecometoafairerattitudetowardthetown.Icanloveit,now."
Shewas,perhaps,ratherproudofherselfforhavingacquiredsomuchtolerance.
Sheawokeatthreeinthemorning,afteradreamofbeingtorturedbyEllaStowbodyandtheWidowBogart.
"I'vebeenmakingthetownamyth.Thisishowpeoplekeepupthetraditionoftheperfecthome–town,thehappyboyhood,thebrilliantcollegefriends.Weforgetso.
I'vebeenforgettingthatMainStreetdoesn'tthinkit'sintheleastlonelyandpitiful.Itthinksit'sGod'sOwnCountry.Itisn'twaitingforme.Itdoesn'tcare."
ButthenexteveningsheagainsawGopherPrairieasherhome,waitingforherinthesunset,rimmedroundwithsplendor.
Shedidnotreturnforfivemonthsmore;fivemonthscrammedwithgreedyaccumulationofsoundsandcolorstotakebackforthelongstilldays.
ShehadspentnearlytwoyearsinWashington.
WhenshedepartedforGopherPrairie,inJune,hersecondbabywasstirringwithinher.
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