English
I
Theirnightcameunheralded.Kennicottwasonacountrycall.
ItwascoolbutCarolhuddledontheporch,rocking,meditating,rocking.
Thehousewaslonelyandrepellent,andthoughshesighed,"Ioughttogoinandread—somanythingstoread—oughttogoin,"sheremained.
SuddenlyErikwascoming,turningin,swingingopenthescreendoor,touchingherhand.
"Erik!"
"Sawyourhusbanddrivingoutoftown.Couldn'tstandit."
"Well—Youmustn'tstaymorethanfiveminutes."
"Couldn'tstandnotseeingyou.Everyday,towardsevening,feltIhadtoseeyou—picturedyousoclear.I'vebeengoodthough,stayingaway,haven'tI!"
"Andyoumustgoonbeinggood."
"WhymustI?"
"Webetternotstayhereontheporch.TheHowlandsacrossthestreetaresuchwindow–peepers,andMrs.Bogart—"
Shedidnotlookathimbutshecoulddivinehistremulousnessashestumbledindoors.
Amomentagothenighthadbeencoldlyempty;nowitwasincalculable,hot,treacherous.
Butitiswomenwhoarethecalmrealistsoncetheydiscardthefetishesofthepremaritalhunt.
Carolwassereneasshemurmured,"Hungry?Ihavesomelittlehoney–coloredcakes.
Youmayhavetwo,andthenyoumustskiphome."
"TakemeupandletmeseeHughasleep."
"Idon'tbelieve—"
"Justaglimpse!"
"Well—"
Shedoubtfullyledthewaytothehallroom–nursery.
Theirheadsclose,Erik'scurlspleasantastheytouchedhercheek,theylookedinatthebaby.Hughwaspinkwithslumber.
Hehadburrowedintohispillowwithsuchenergythatitwasalmostsmotheringhim.
Besideitwasacelluloidrhinoceros;tightinhishandatornpictureofOldKingCole.
"Shhh!"saidCarol,quiteautomatically.Shetiptoedintopatthepillow.
AsshereturnedtoErikshehadafriendlysenseofhiswaitingforher.Theysmiledateachother.
ShedidnotthinkofKennicott,thebaby'sfather.
WhatshedidthinkwasthatsomeoneratherlikeErik,anolderandsurerErik,oughttobeHugh'sfather.
Thethreeofthemwouldplay—incredibleimaginativegames.
"Carol!You'vetoldmeaboutyourownroom.Letmepeepinatit."
"Butyoumustn'tstay,notasecond.Wemustgodownstairs."
"Yes."
"Willyoubegood?"
"R–reasonably!"Hewaspale,large–eyed,serious.
"You'vegottobemorethanreasonablygood!"Shefeltsensibleandsuperior;shewasenergeticaboutpushingopenthedoor.
KennicotthadalwaysseemedoutofplacetherebutEriksurprisinglyharmonizedwiththespiritoftheroomashestrokedthebooks,glancedattheprints.Heheldouthishands.Hecametowardher.
Shewasweak,betrayedtoawarmsoftness.Herheadwastiltedback.Hereyeswereclosed.
Herthoughtswereformlessbutmany–colored.
Shefelthiskiss,diffidentandreverent,onhereyelid.
Thensheknewthatitwasimpossible.
Sheshookherself.Shesprangfromhim."Please!"shesaidsharply.
Helookedatherunyielding.
"Iamfondofyou,"shesaid."Don'tspoileverything.Bemyfriend."
"Howmanythousandsandmillionsofwomenmusthavesaidthat!Andnowyou!Anditdoesn'tspoileverything.Itglorifieseverything."
"Dear,Idothinkthere'satinystreakoffairyinyou—whateveryoudowithit.PerhapsI'dhavelovedthatonce.ButIwon't.It'stoolate.ButI'llkeepafondnessforyou.Impersonal—Iwillbeimpersonal!
Itneedn'tbejustathintalkyfondness.Youdoneedme,don'tyou?Onlyyouandmysonneedme.I'vewantedsotobewanted!OnceIwantedlovetobegiventome.
NowI'llbecontentifIcangive....Almostcontent!
"Wewomen,weliketodothingsformen.Poormen!
Weswooponyouwhenyou'redefenselessandfussoveryouandinsistonreformingyou.Butit'ssopitifullydeepinus.
You'llbetheonethinginwhichIhaven'tfailed.Dosomethingdefinite!Evenifit'sjustsellingcottons.
Sellbeautifulcottons—caravansfromChina—"
"Carol!Stop!Youdoloveme!"
"Idonot!It'sjust—Can'tyouunderstand?Everythingcrushesinonmeso,allthegapingdullpeople,andIlookforawayout—Pleasego.Ican'tstandanymore.Please!"
Hewasgone.Andshewasnotrelievedbythequietofthehouse.
Shewasemptyandthehousewasemptyandsheneededhim.
Shewantedtogoontalking,togetthisthreshedout,tobuildasanefriendship.
Shewavereddowntotheliving–room,lookedoutofthebay–window.Hewasnottobeseen.ButMrs.Westlakewas.
Shewaswalkingpast,andinthelightfromthecornerarc–lampshequicklyinspectedtheporch,thewindows.
Caroldroppedthecurtain,stoodwithmovementandreflectionparalyzed.
Automatically,withoutreasoning,shemumbled,"Iwillseehimagainsoonandmakehimunderstandwemustbefriends.But—Thehouseissoempty.Itechoesso."
II
Kennicotthadseemednervousandabsent–mindedthroughthatsupper–hour,twoeveningsafter.Heprowledabouttheliving–room,thengrowled:
"WhatthedickenshaveyoubeensayingtoMaWestlake?"
Carol'sbookrattled."Whatdoyoumean?"
"ItoldyouthatWestlakeandhiswifewerejealousofus,andhereyoubeenchumminguptothemand—FromwhatDavetellsme,MaWestlakehasbeengoingaroundtownsayingyoutoldherthatyouhateAuntBessie,andthatyoufixedupyourownroombecauseIsnore,andyousaidBjornstamwastoogoodforBea,andthen,justrecent,thatyouweresoreonthetownbecausewedon'tallgodownonourkneesandbegthisValborgfellowtocometakesupperwithus.
Godonlyknowswhatelseshesaysyousaid."
"It'snottrue,anyofit!IdidlikeMrs.Westlake,andI'vecalledonher,andapparentlyshe'sgoneandtwistedeverythingI'vesaid—"
"Sure.Ofcourseshewould.Didn'tItellyoushewould?
She'sanoldcat,likeherpussyfooting,hand–holdinghusband.
Lord,ifIwassick,I'dratherhaveafaith–healerthanWestlake,andshe'sanothersliceoffthesamebacon.WhatIcan'tunderstandthough—"
Shewaited,taut.
"—iswhateverpossessedyoutoletherpumpyou,brightagirlasyouare.
Idon'tcarewhatyoutoldher—weallgetpeevedsometimesandwanttoblowoffsteam,that'snatural—butifyouwantedtokeepitdark,whydidn'tyouadvertiseitintheDauntless,orgetamegaphoneandstandontopofthehotelandholler,ordoanythingbesidesspillittoher!"
"Iknow.Youtoldme.Butshewassomotherly.AndIdidn'thaveanywoman—Vida'sbecomesomarriedandproprietary."
"Well,nexttimeyou'llhavebettersense."
Hepattedherhead,flumpeddownbehindhisnewspaper,saidnothingmore.
Enemiesleeredthroughthewindows,stoleonherfromthehall.ShehadnoonesaveErik.
ThiskindgoodmanKennicott—hewasanelderbrother.
ItwasErik,herfellowoutcast,towhomshewantedtorunforsanctuary.
Throughherstormshewas,totheeye,sittingquietlywithherfingersbetweenthepagesofababy–bluebookonhome–dressmaking.
ButherdismayatMrs.Westlake'streacheryhadrisentoactivedread.
WhathadthewomansaidofherandErik?Whatdidsheknow?Whathadsheseen?Whoelsewouldjoininthebayinghunt?WhoelsehadseenherwithErik?
WhathadshetofearfromtheDyers,CyBogart,Juanita,AuntBessie?
WhatpreciselyhadsheansweredtoMrs.Bogart'squestioning?
Allnextdayshewastoorestlesstostayhome,yetasshewalkedthestreetsonfictitiouserrandsshewasafraidofeverypersonshemet.
Shewaitedforthemtospeak;waitedwithforeboding.
Sherepeated,"Imustn'teverseeErikagain."Butthewordsdidnotregister.
Shehadnoecstaticindulgenceinthesenseofguiltwhichis,tothewomenofMainStreet,thesurestescapefromblanktediousness.
Atfive,crumpledinachairintheliving–room,shestartedatthesoundofthebell.Someoneopenedthedoor.Shewaited,uneasy.VidaSherwinchargedintotheroom."Here'stheonepersonIcantrust!"Carolrejoiced.
Vidawasseriousbutaffectionate.ShebustledatCarolwith,"Oh,thereyouare,dearie,sogladt'findyouin,sitdown,wanttotalktoyou."
Carolsat,obedient.
Vidafussilytuggedoveralargechairandlaunchedout:
"I'vebeenhearingvaguerumorsyouwereinterestedinthisErikValborg.Iknewyoucouldn'tbeguilty,andI'msurerthaneverofitnow.Hereweare,asbloomingasadaisy."
"Howdoesarespectablematronlookwhenshefeelsguilty?"
Carolsoundedresentful.
"Why—Oh,itwouldshow!Besides!Iknowthatyou,ofallpeople,aretheonethatcanappreciateDr.Will."
"Whathaveyoubeenhearing?"
"Nothing,really.IjustheardMrs.Bogartsayshe'dseenyouandValborgwalkingtogetheralot."Vida'schirpingslackened.Shelookedathernails."But—IsuspectyoudolikeValborg.Oh,Idon'tmeaninanywrongway.
Butyou'reyoung;youdon'tknowwhataninnocentlikingmightdriftinto.
Youalwayspretendtobesosophisticatedandall,butyou'reababy.
Justbecauseyouaresoinnocent,youdon'tknowwhatevilthoughtsmaylurkinthatfellow'sbrain."
"Youdon'tsupposeValborgcouldactuallythinkaboutmakinglovetome?"
HerrathercheapsportendedabruptlyasVidacried,withcontortedface,"Whatdoyouknowaboutthethoughtsinhearts?Youjustplayatreformingtheworld.Youdon'tknowwhatitmeanstosuffer."
Therearetwoinsultswhichnohumanbeingwillendure:theassertionthathehasn'tasenseofhumor,andthedoublyimpertinentassertionthathehasneverknowntrouble.
Carolsaidfuriously,"YouthinkIdon'tsuffer?YouthinkI'vealwayshadaneasy—"
"No,youdon't.I'mgoingtotellyousomethingI'venevertoldalivingsoul,notevenRay."
ThedamofrepressedimaginationwhichVidahadbuildedforyears,whichnow,withRaymieoffatthewars,shewasbuildingagain,gaveway.
"Iwas—IlikedWillterriblywell.Onetimeataparty—oh,beforehemetyou,ofcourse—butweheldhands,andweweresohappy.
ButIdidn'tfeelIwasreallysuitedtohim.Ilethimgo.Pleasedon'tthinkIstilllovehim!
IseenowthatRaywaspredestinedtobemymate.
ButbecauseIlikedhim,IknowhowsincereandpureandnobleWillis,andhisthoughtsneverstrayingfromthepathofrectitude,and—IfIgavehimuptoyou,atleastyou'vegottoappreciatehim!
Wedancedtogetherandlaughedso,andIgavehimup,but—ThisISmyaffair!I'mNOTintruding!
Iseethewholethingashedoes,becauseofallI'vetoldyou.
Maybeit'sshamelesstobaremyheartthisway,butIdoitforhim—forhimandyou!"
CarolunderstoodthatVidabelievedherselftohaverecitedminutelyandbrazenlyastoryofintimatelove;understoodthat,inalarm,shewastryingtocoverhershameasshestruggledon,"Likedhiminthemosthonorableway—simplycan'thelpitifIstillseethingsthroughhiseyes—IfIgavehimup,Icertainlyamnotbeyondmyrightsindemandingthatyoutakecaretoavoideventheappearanceofeviland—"Shewasweeping;aninsignificant,flushed,ungracefullyweepingwoman.
Carolcouldnotendureit.SherantoVida,kissedherforehead,comfortedherwithamurmurofdove–likesounds,soughttoreassureherwithwornandhastilyassembledgiftsofwords:"Oh,Iappreciateitsomuch,"and"Youaresofineandsplendid,"and"Letmeassureyouthereisn'tathingtowhatyou'veheard,"and"Oh,indeed,IdoknowhowsincereWillis,andasyousay,so—sosincere."
Vidabelievedthatshehadexplainedmanydeepanddeviousmatters.Shecameoutofherhysterialikeasparrowshakingoffrain–drops.Shesatup,andtookadvantageofhervictory:
"Idon'twanttorubitin,butyoucanseeforyourselfnow,thisisallaresultofyourbeingsodiscontentedandnotappreciatingthedeargoodpeoplehere.
Andanotherthing:Peoplelikeyouandme,whowanttoreformthings,havetobeparticularlycarefulaboutappearances.
Thinkhowmuchbetteryoucancriticizeconventionalcustomsifyouyourselfliveuptothem,scrupulously.
Thenpeoplecan'tsayyou'reattackingthemtoexcuseyourowninfractions."
ToCarolwasgivenasuddengreatphilosophicalunderstanding,anexplanationofhalfthecautiousreformsinhistory."Yes.I'veheardthatplea.It'sagoodone.Itsetsrevoltsasidetocool.Itkeepsstraysintheflock.
Toworditdifferently:'Youmustliveuptothepopularcodeifyoubelieveinit;butifyoudon'tbelieveinit,thenyouMUSTliveuptoit!'"
"Idon'tthinksoatall,"saidVidavaguely.Shebegantolookhurt,andCarolletherbeoracular.
III
Vidahaddoneheraservice;hadmadeallagonizingseemsofatuousthatsheceasedwrithingandsawthatherwholeproblemwassimpleasmutton:shewasinterestedinErik'saspiration;interestgaveherahesitatingfondnessforhim;andthefuturewouldtakecareoftheevent....Butatnight,thinkinginbed,sheprotested,"I'mnotafalselyaccusedinnocent,though!
IfitweresomeonemoreresolutethanErik,afighter,anartistwithbeardedsurlylips—They'reonlyinbooks.
Isthattherealtragedy,thatInevershallknowtragedy,neverfindanythingbutblusterycomplicationsthatturnouttobeafarce?
"Noonebigenoughorpitifulenoughtosacrificefor.
Tragedyinneatblouses;theeternalflameallniceandsafeinakerosenestove.Neitherheroicfaithnorheroicguilt.
Peepingatlovefrombehindlacecurtains—onMainStreet!"
AuntBessiecreptinnextday,triedtopumpher,triedtoprimethepumpbyagainhintingthatKennicottmighthavehisownaffairs.
Carolsnapped,"WhateverImaydo,I'llhaveyoutounderstandthatWillisonlytoosafe!"
Shewishedafterwardthatshehadnotbeensolofty.
HowmuchwouldAuntBessiemakeof"WhateverImaydo?"
WhenKennicottcamehomehepokedatthings,andhemmed,andbroughtout,"Sawaunty,thisafternoon.Shesaidyouweren'tverypolitetoher."
Carollaughed.Helookedatherinapuzzledwayandfledtohisnewspaper.
IV
Shelaysleepless.ShealternatelyconsideredwaysofleavingKennicott,andrememberedhisvirtues,pitiedhisbewildermentinfaceofthesubtlecorrodingsicknesseswhichhecouldnotdosenorcutout.
Didn'theperhapsneedhermorethandidthebook–solacedErik?SupposeWillweretodie,suddenly.
Supposesheneveragainsawhimatbreakfast,silentbutamiable,listeningtoherchatter.
SupposeheneveragainplayedelephantforHugh.
Suppose—Acountrycall,aslipperyroad,hismotorskidding,theedgeoftheroadcrumbling,thecarturningturtle,Willpinnedbeneath,suffering,broughthomemaimed,lookingatherwithspanieleyes—orwaitingforher,callingforher,whileshewasinChicago,knowingnothingofit.
Supposeheweresuedbysomeviciousshriekingwomanformalpractice.
Hetriedtogetwitnesses;Westlakespreadlies;hisfriendsdoubtedhim;hisself–confidencewassobrokenthatitwashorribletoseetheindecisionofthedecisiveman;hewasconvicted,handcuffed,takenonatrain—
Sherantohisroom.Athernervouspushthedoorswungsharplyin,struckachair.
Heawoke,gasped,theninasteadyvoice:"Whatisit,dear?Anythingwrong?"
Shedartedtohim,fumbledforthefamiliarharshbristlycheek.
Howwellsheknewit,everyseam,andhardnessofbone,androlloffat!
Yetwhenhesighed,"Thisisanicevisit,"anddroppedhishandonherthin–coveredshoulder,shesaid,toocheerily,"IthoughtIheardyoumoaning.Sosillyofme.Goodnight,dear."
V
ShedidnotseeErikforafortnight,saveonceatchurchandoncewhenshewenttothetailorshoptotalkovertheplans,contingencies,andstrategyofKennicott'sannualcampaignforgettinganewsuit.
NatHickswasthere,andhewasnotsodeferentialashehadbeen.
Withunnecessaryjauntinesshechuckled,"Someniceflannels,themsamples,heh?"
Needlesslyhetouchedherarmtocallattentiontothefashion–plates,andhumorouslyheglancedfromhertoErik.
AthomeshewonderedifthelittlebeastmightnotbesuggestinghimselfasarivaltoErik,butthatabysmalbedragglementshewouldnotconsider.
ShesawJuanitaHaydockslowlywalkingpastthehouse—asMrs.Westlakehadoncewalkedpast.
ShemetMrs.WestlakeinUncleWhittier'sstore,andbeforethatalertstareforgotherdeterminationtoberude,andwasshakilycordial.
Shewassurethatallthemenonthestreet,evenGuyPollockandSamClark,leeredatherinaninterestedhopefulway,asthoughshewereanotoriousdivorcee.
Shefeltasinsecureasashadowedcriminal.
ShewishedtoseeErik,andwishedthatshehadneverseenhim.
ShefanciedthatKennicottwastheonlypersonintownwhodidnotknowall—knowincomparablymorethantherewastoknow—aboutherselfandErik.
Shecrouchedinherchairassheimaginedmentalkingofher,thick–voiced,obscene,inbarbershopsandthetobacco–stinkingpoolparlor.
ThroughearlyautumnFernMullinswastheonlypersonwhobrokethesuspense.
ThefrivolousteacherhadcometoacceptCarolasofherownyouth,andthoughschoolhadbegunsherushedindailytosuggestdances,welsh–rabbitparties.
Fernbeggedhertogoaschaperontoabarn–danceinthecountry,onaSaturdayevening.Carolcouldnotgo.Thenextday,thestormcrashed.
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