English
I
FernMullinsrushedintothehouseonaSaturdaymorningearlyinSeptemberandshriekedatCarol,"SchoolstartsnextTuesday.
I'vegottohaveonemorespreebeforeI'marrested.
Let'sgetupapicnicdownthelakeforthisafternoon.
Won'tyoucome,Mrs.Kennicott,andthedoctor?
CyBogartwantstogo—he'sabratbuthe'slively."
"Idon'tthinkthedoctorcango,"sedately."Hesaidsomethingabouthavingtomakeacountrycallthisafternoon.ButI'dloveto."
"That'sdandy!Whocanweget?"
"Mrs.Dyermightbechaperon.She'sbeensonice.AndmaybeDave,ifhecouldgetawayfromthestore."
"HowaboutErikValborg?Ithinkhe'sgotlotsmorestylethanthesetownboys.Youlikehimallright,don'tyou?"
SothepicnicofCarol,Fern,Erik,CyBogart,andtheDyerswasnotonlymoralbutinevitable.
TheydrovetothebirchgroveonthesouthshoreofLakeMinniemashie.DaveDyerwashismostclownishself.
Heyelped,jigged,woreCarol'shat,droppedanantdownFern'sback,andwhentheywentswimming(thewomenmodestlychanginginthecarwiththesidecurtainsup,themenundressingbehindthebushes,constantlyrepeating,"Gee,hopewedon'trunintopoisonivy"),Davesplashedwateronthemanddivedtoclutchhiswife'sankle.Heinfectedtheothers.
ErikgaveanimitationoftheGreekdancershehadseeninvaudeville,andwhentheysatdowntopicnicsupperspreadonalap–robeonthegrass,Cyclimbedatreetothrowacornsatthem.
ButCarolcouldnotfrolic.
Shehadmadeherselfyoung,withpartedhair,sailorblouseandlargebluebow,whitecanvasshoesandshortlinenskirt.
Hermirrorhadassertedthatshelookedexactlyasshehadincollege,thatherthroatwassmooth,hercollar–bonenotverynoticeable.Butshewasunderrestraint.
WhentheyswamsheenjoyedthefreshnessofthewaterbutshewasirritatedbyCy'stricks,byDave'sexcessivegoodspirits.
SheadmiredErik'sdance;hecouldneverbetraybadtaste,asCydid,andDave.Shewaitedforhimtocometoher.Hedidnotcome.
ByhisjoyousnesshehadapparentlyendearedhimselftotheDyers.
Maudwatchedhimand,aftersupper,criedtohim,"Comesitdownbesideme,badboy!"
Carolwincedathiswillingnesstobeabadboyandcomeandsit,athisenjoymentofanotverystimulatinggameinwhichMaud,Dave,andCysnatchedslicesofcoldtonguefromoneanother'splates.
Maud,itseemed,wasslightlydizzyfromtheswim.
Sheremarkedpublicly,"Dr.Kennicotthashelpedmesomuchbyputtingmeonadiet,"butitwastoErikalonethatshegavethecompleteversionofherpeculiarityinbeingsosensitive,soeasilyhurtbytheslightestcrossword,thatshesimplyhadtohavenicecheeryfriends.
Erikwasniceandcheery.
Carolassuredherself,"WhateverfaultsImayhave,Icertainlycouldn'teverbejealous.
IdolikeMaud;she'salwayssopleasant.
ButIwonderifsheisn'tjustabitfondoffishingformen'ssympathy?
PlayingwithErik,andhermarried—Well—Butshelooksathiminthatlanguishing,swooning,mid–Victorianway.Disgusting!"
CyBogartlaybetweentherootsofabigbirch,smokinghispipeandteasingFern,assuringherthataweekfromnow,whenhewasagainahigh–schoolboyandshehisteacher,he'dwinkatherinclass.
MaudDyerwantedErikto"comedowntothebeachtoseethedarlinglittleminnies."
CarolwaslefttoDave,whotriedtoentertainherwithhumorousaccountsofEllaStowbody'sfondnessforchocolatepeppermints.
ShewatchedMaudDyerputherhandonErik'sshouldertosteadyherself.
"Disgusting!"shethought.
CyBogartcoveredFern'snervoushandwithhisredpaw,andwhenshebouncedwithhalf–angerandshrieked,"Letgo,Itellyou!"hegrinnedandwavedhispipe—aganglingtwenty–year–oldsatyr.
"Disgusting!"
WhenMaudandErikreturnedandthegroupingshifted,ErikmutteredatCarol,"There'saboatonshore.Let'sskipoffandhavearow."
"Whatwilltheythink?"sheworried.ShesawMaudDyerpeeratErikwithmoistpossessiveeyes."Yes!Let's!"shesaid.
Shecriedtotheparty,withthecanonicalamountofsprightliness,"Good–by,everybody.We'llwirelessyoufromChina."
Astherhythmicoarsploppedandcreaked,asshefloatedonanunrealityofdelicategrayoverwhichthesunsetwaspouredoutthin,theirritationofCyandMaudslippedaway.Eriksmiledatherproudly.
Sheconsideredhim—coatless,inwhitethinshirt.
Shewasconsciousofhismaledifferentness,ofhisflatmasculinesides,histhinthighs,hiseasyrowing.
Theytalkedofthelibrary,ofthemovies.
Hehummedandshesoftlysang"SwingLow,SweetChariot."
Abreezeshiveredacrosstheagatelake.
Thewrinkledwaterwaslikearmordamascenedandpolished.
Thebreezeflowedroundtheboatinachillcurrent.
Caroldrewthecollarofhermiddyblouseoverherbarethroat.
"Gettingcold.Afraidwe'llhavetogoback,"shesaid.
"Let'snotgobacktothemyet.They'llbecuttingup.Let'skeepalongtheshore."
"Butyouenjoythe'cuttingup!'Maudandyouhadabeautifultime."
"Why!Wejustwalkedontheshoreandtalkedaboutfishing!"
Shewasrelieved,andapologetictoherfriendMaud."Ofcourse.Iwasjoking."
"I'lltellyou!Let'slandhereandsitontheshore—thatbunchofhazel–brushwillshelterusfromthewind—andwatchthesunset.It'slikemeltedlead.Justashortwhile!
Wedon'twanttogobackandlistentothem!"
"No,but—"Shesaidnothingwhilehespedashore.Thekeelclashedonthestones.
Hestoodontheforwardseat,holdingouthishand.
Theywerealone,intheripple–lappingsilence.
Sheroseslowly,slowlysteppedoverthewaterinthebottomoftheoldboat.Shetookhishandconfidently.
Unspeakingtheysatonableachedlog,inarussettwilightwhichhintedofautumn.Lindenleavesflutteredaboutthem.
"Iwish—Areyoucoldnow?"hewhispered.
"Alittle."Sheshivered.Butitwasnotwithcold.
"Iwishwecouldcurlupintheleavesthere,coveredallup,andlielookingoutatthedark."
"Iwishwecould."Asthoughitwascomfortablyunderstoodthathedidnotmeantobetakenseriously.
"Likewhatallthepoetssay—brownnymphandfaun."
"No.Ican'tbeanymphanymore.Tooold—Erik,amIold?AmIfadedandsmall–towny?"
"Why,you'retheyoungest—Youreyesarelikeagirl's.
They'reso—well,Imean,likeyoubelievedeverything.
Evenifyoudoteachme,Ifeelathousandyearsolderthanyou,insteadofmaybeayearyounger."
"Fourorfiveyearsyounger!"
"Anyway,youreyesaresoinnocentandyourcheekssosoft—Damnit,itmakesmewanttocry,somehow,you'resodefenseless;andIwanttoprotectyouand—There'snothingtoprotectyouagainst!"
"AmIyoung?AmI?Honestly?Truly?"
Shebetrayedforamomentthechildish,mock–imploringtonethatcomesintothevoiceofthemostseriouswomanwhenanagreeablemantreatsherasagirl;thechildishtoneandchildishpursed–uplipsandshyliftofthecheek.
"Yes,youare!"
"You'redeartobelieveit,Will—ERIK!"
"Willyouplaywithme?Alot?"
"Perhaps."
"Wouldyoureallyliketocurlintheleavesandwatchthestarsswingbyoverhead?"
"Ithinkit'sratherbettertobesittinghere!"Hetwinedhisfingerswithhers."AndErik,wemustgoback."
"Why?"
"It'ssomewhatlatetooutlineallthehistoryofsocialcustom!"
"Iknow.Wemust.Areyougladweranawaythough?"
"Yes."Shewasquiet,perfectlysimple.Butsherose.
Hecircledherwaistwithabrusquearm.Shedidnotresist.Shedidnotcare.
Hewasneitherapeasanttailor,apotentialartist,asocialcomplication,noraperil.
Hewashimself,andinhim,inthepersonalityflowingfromhim,shewasunreasoninglycontent.
Inhisnearnessshecaughtanewviewofhishead;thelastlightbroughtouttheplanesofhisneck,hisflatruddiedcheeks,thesideofhisnose,thedepressionofhistemples.
Notascoyoruneasyloversbutascompanionstheywalkedtotheboat,andheliftedherupontheprow.
Shebegantotalkintently,asherowed:"Erik,you'vegottowork!Yououghttobeapersonage.You'rerobbedofyourkingdom.Fightforit!
Takeoneofthesecorrespondencecoursesindrawing—theymayn'tbeanygoodinthemselves,butthey'llmakeyoutrytodrawand—"
Astheyreachedthepicnicgroundsheperceivedthatitwasdark,thattheyhadbeengoneforalongtime.
"Whatwilltheysay?"shewondered.
Theothersgreetedthemwiththeinevitablestormofhumorandslightvexation:"Wherethedeucedoyouthinkyou'vebeen?""You'reafinepair,youare!"
ErikandCarollookedself–conscious;failedintheirefforttobewitty.AllthewayhomeCarolwasembarrassed.OnceCywinkedather.
ThatCy,thePeepingTomofthegarage–loft,shouldconsiderherafellow–sinner—Shewasfuriousandfrightenedandexultantbyturns,andinallhermoodscertainthatKennicottwouldreadheradventuringinherface.
Shecameintothehouseawkwardlydefiant.
Herhusband,halfasleepunderthelamp,greetedher,"Well,well,havenicetime?"
Shecouldnotanswer.Helookedather.Buthislookdidnotsharpen.Hebegantowindhiswatch,yawningtheold"Welllllll,guessit'sabouttimetoturnin."
Thatwasall.Yetshewasnotglad.Shewasalmostdisappointed.
II
Mrs.Bogartcallednextday.Shehadahen–like,crumb–pecking,diligentappearance.Hersmilewastooinnocent.Thepeckingstartedinstantly:
"Cysaysyouhadlotsoffunatthepicnicyesterday.Didyouenjoyit?"
"Ohyes.IracedCyatswimming.Hebeatmebadly.He'ssostrong,isn'the!"
"Poorboy,justcrazytogetintothewar,too,but—ThisErikValborgwasalong,wa'n'the?"
"Yes."
"Ithinkhe'sanawfulhandsomefellow,andtheysayhe'ssmart.Doyoulikehim?"
"Heseemsverypolite."
"Cysaysyouandhimhadalovelyboat–ride.My,thatmusthavebeenpleasant."
"Yes,exceptthatIcouldn'tgetMr.Valborgtosayaword.
IwantedtoaskhimaboutthesuitMr.Hicksismakingformyhusband.Butheinsistedonsinging.
Still,itwasrestful,floatingaroundonthewaterandsinging.Sohappyandinnocent.
Don'tyouthinkit'sashame,Mrs.Bogart,thatpeopleinthistowndon'tdomorenicecleanthingslikethat,insteadofallthishorriblegossiping?"
"Yes....Yes."
Mrs.Bogartsoundedvacant.Herbonnetwasawry;shewasincomparablydowdy.
Carolstaredather,feltcontemptuous,readyatlasttorebelagainstthetrap,andastherustygoodwifefishedagain,"Plannin'somemorepicnics?"
sheflungout,"Ihaven'ttheslightestidea!Oh.IsthatHughcrying?Imustrunuptohim."
Butup–stairssherememberedthatMrs.BogarthadseenherwalkingwithErikfromtherailroadtrackintotown,andshewaschillywithdisquietude.
AttheJollySeventeen,twodaysafter,shewaseffusivetoMaudDyer,toJuanitaHaydock.
Shefanciedthateveryonewaswatchingher,butshecouldnotbesure,andinrarestrongmomentsshedidnotcare.
Shecouldrebelagainstthetown'spryingnowthatshehadsomething,howeverindistinct,forwhichtorebel.
Inapassionateescapetheremustbenotonlyaplacefromwhichtofleebutaplacetowhichtoflee.
ShehadknownthatshewouldgladlyleaveGopherPrairie,leaveMainStreetandallthatitsignified,butshehadhadnodestination.Shehadonenow.
ThatdestinationwasnotErikValborgandtheloveofErik.
Shecontinuedtoassureherselfthatshewasn'tinlovewithhimbutmerely"fondofhim,andinterestedinhissuccess."
Yetinhimshehaddiscoveredbothherneedofyouthandthefactthatyouthwouldwelcomeher.
ItwasnotEriktowhomshemustescape,butuniversalandjoyousyouth,inclass–rooms,instudios,inoffices,inmeetingstoprotestagainstThingsinGeneral....ButuniversalandjoyousyouthratherresembledErik.
Allweekshethoughtofthingsshewishedtosaytohim.High,improvingthings.Shebegantoadmitthatshewaslonelywithouthim.Thenshewasafraid.
ItwasattheBaptistchurchsupper,aweekafterthepicnic,thatshesawhimagain.
ShehadgonewithKennicottandAuntBessietothesupper,whichwasspreadonoilcloth–coveredandtrestle–supportedtablesinthechurchbasement.
ErikwashelpingMyrtleCasstofillcoffeecupsforthewait–resses.
Thecongregationhaddoffedtheirpiety.
Childrentumbledunderthetables,andDeaconPiersongreetedthewomenwitharolling,"Where'sBrotherJones,sister,where'sBrotherJones?Notgoingtobewithustonight?
Well,youtellSisterPerrytohandyouaplate,andmake'emgiveyouenoughoysterpie!"
Eriksharedinthecheerfulness.HelaughedwithMyrtle,joggedherelbowwhenshewasfillingcups,madedeepmockbowstothewaitressesastheycameupforcoffee.Myrtlewasenchantedbyhishumor.
Fromtheotherendoftheroom,amatronamongmatrons,CarolobservedMyrtle,andhatedher,andcaughtherselfatit.
"Tobejealousofawooden–facedvillagegirl!"Butshekeptitup.
ShedetestedErik;gloatedoverhisgaucheries—his"breaks,"shecalledthem.
Whenhewastooexpressive,toomuchlikeaRussiandancer,insalutingDeaconPierson,Carolhadtheecstasyofpaininseeingthedeacon'ssneer.
When,tryingtotalktothreegirlsatonce,hedroppedacupandeffeminatelywailed,"Ohdear!"
shesympathizedwith—andachedover—theinsultingsecretglancesofthegirls.
Frommeanlyhatinghimsherosetocompassionasshesawthathiseyesbeggedeveryonetolikehim.
Sheperceivedhowinaccurateherjudgmentscouldbe.
AtthepicnicshehadfanciedthatMaudDyerlookeduponEriktoosentimentally,andshehadsnarled,"Ihatethesemarriedwomenwhocheapenthemselvesandfeedonboys."
ButatthesupperMaudwasoneofthewaitresses;shebustledwithplattersofcake,shewaspleasanttooldwomen;andtoErikshegavenoattentionatall.
Indeed,whenshehadherownsupper,shejoinedtheKennicotts,andhowludicrousitwastosupposethatMaudwasagourmetofemotionsCarolsawinthefactthatshetalkednottooneofthetownbeauxbuttothesafeKennicotthimself!
WhenCarolglancedatErikagainshediscoveredthatMrs.Bogarthadaneyeonher.ItwasashocktoknowthatatlasttherewassomethingwhichcouldmakeherafraidofMrs.Bogart'sspying.
"WhatamIdoing?AmIinlovewithErik?Unfaithful?I?IwantyouthbutIdon'twanthim—Imean,Idon'twantyouth—enoughtobreakupmylife.Imustgetoutofthis.Quick."
ShesaidtoKennicottontheirwayhome,"Will!Iwanttorunawayforafewdays.Wouldn'tyouliketoskipdowntoChicago?"
"Stillbeprettyhotthere.Nofuninabigcitytillwinter.Whatdoyouwanttogofor?"
"People!Tooccupymymind.Iwantstimulus."
"Stimulus?"Hespokegood–naturedly."Who'sbeenfeedingyoumeat?
Yougotthat'stimulus'outofoneofthesefoolstoriesaboutwivesthatdon'tknowwhenthey'rewelloff.Stimulus!
Seriously,though,tocutoutthejollying,Ican'tgetaway."
"Thenwhydon'tIrunoffbymyself?"
"Why—'Tisn'tthemoney,youunderstand.ButwhataboutHugh?"
"LeavehimwithAuntBessie.Itwouldbejustforafewdays."
"Idon'tthinkmuchofthisbusinessofleavingkidsaround.Badfor'em."
"Soyoudon'tthink—"
"I'lltellyou:Ithinkwebetterstayputtillafterthewar.Thenwe'llhaveadandylongtrip.No,Idon'tthinkyoubetterplanmuchaboutgoingawaynow."
SoshewasthrownatErik.
III
Sheawokeatebb–time,atthreeofthemorning,wokesharplyandfully;andsharplyandcoldlyasherfatherpronouncingsentenceonacruelswindlershegavejudgment:
"Apitifulandtawdrylove–affair.
"Nosplendor,nodefiance.Aself–deceivedlittlewomanwhisperingincornerswithapretentiouslittleman.
"No,heisnot.Heisfine.Aspiring.It'snothisfault.Hiseyesaresweetwhenhelooksatme.Sweet,sosweet."
Shepitiedherselfthatherromanceshouldbepitiful;shesighedthatinthiscolorlesshour,tothisaustereself,itshouldseemtawdry.
Then,inaverygreatdesireofrebellionandunleashingofallherhatreds,"Thepettierandmoretawdryitis,themoreblametoMainStreet.
ItshowshowmuchI'vebeenlongingtoescape.Anywayout!AnyhumilitysolongasIcanflee.MainStreethasdonethistome.
Icamehereeagerfornobilities,readyforwork,andnow—Anywayout.
"Icametrustingthem.Theybeatmewithrodsofdullness.Theydon'tknow,theydon'tunderstandhowagonizingtheircomplacentdullnessis.LikeantsandAugustsunonawound.
"Tawdry!Pitiful!Carol—thecleangirlthatusedtowalksofast!—sneakingandtitteringindarkcorners,beingsentimentalandjealousatchurchsuppers!"
Atbreakfast–timeheragonieswerenight–blurred,andpersistedonlyasanervousirresolution.
IV
FewofthearistocratsoftheJollySeventeenattendedthehumblefolk–meetsoftheBaptistandMethodistchurchsuppers,wheretheWillisWoodfords,theDillons,theChampPerrys,Olesonthebutcher,BradBemisthetinsmith,andDeaconPiersonfoundreleasefromloneliness.
Butallofthesmartsetwenttothelawn–festivalsoftheEpiscopalChurch,andwerereprovinglypolitetooutsiders.
TheHarryHaydocksgavethelastlawn–festivaloftheseason;asplendorofJapaneselanternsandcard–tablesandchickenpattiesandNeapolitanice–cream.
Erikwasnolongerentirelyanoutsider.
Hewaseatinghisice–creamwithagroupofthepeoplemostsolidly"in"—theDyers,MyrtleCass,GuyPollock,theJacksonElders.
TheHaydocksthemselveskeptaloof,buttheotherstoleratedhim.
Hewouldnever,Carolfancied,beoneofthetownpillars,becausehewasnotorthodoxinhuntingandmotoringandpoker.
Buthewaswinningapprobationbyhisliveliness,hisgaiety—thequalitiesleastimportantinhim.
WhenthegroupsummonedCarolshemadeseveralverywell–takenpointsinregardtotheweather.
MyrtlecriedtoErik,"Comeon!Wedon'tbelongwiththeseoldfolks.Iwanttomakeyou'quaintedwiththejolliestgirl,shecomesfromWakamin,she'sstayingwithMaryHowland."
CarolsawhimbeingprofusetotheguestfromWakamin.ShesawhimconfidentiallystrollingwithMyrtle.SheburstouttoMrs.Westlake,"ValborgandMyrtleseemtohavequiteacrushoneachother."
Mrs.Westlakeglancedathercuriouslybeforeshemumbled,"Yes,don'tthey."
"I'mmad,totalkthisway,"Carolworried.
ShehadregainedafeelingofsocialvirtuebytellingJuanitaHaydock"howdarlingherlawnlookedwiththeJapaneselanterns"whenshesawthatErikwasstalkingher.
Thoughhewasmerelyamblingaboutwithhishandsinhispockets,thoughhedidnotpeepather,sheknewthathewascallingher.ShesidledawayfromJuanita.Erikhastenedtoher.
Shenoddedcoolly(shewasproudofhercoolness).
"Carol!I'vegotawonderfulchance!
Don'tknowbutwhatsomewaysitmightbebetterthangoingEasttotakeart.
MyrtleCasssays—IdroppedintosayhowdytoMyrtlelastevening,andhadquitealongtalkwithherfather,andhesaidhewashuntingforafellowtogotoworkintheflourmillandlearnthewholebusiness,andmaybebecomegeneralmanager.
Iknowsomethingaboutwheatfrommyfarming,andIworkedacoupleofmonthsintheflourmillatCurlewwhenIgotsickoftailoring.Whatdoyouthink?
Yousaidanyworkwasartisticifitwasdonebyanartist.Andflourissoimportant.Whatdoyouthink?"
"Wait!Wait!"
ThissensitiveboywouldbeveryskilfullystampedintoconformitybyLymanCassandhissallowdaughter;butdidshedetesttheplanforthisreason?"Imustbehonest.
Imustn'ttamperwithhisfuturetopleasemyvanity."Butshehadnosurevision.Sheturnedonhim:
"HowcanIdecide?It'suptoyou.DoyouwanttobecomeapersonlikeLymCass,ordoyouwanttobecomeapersonlike—yes,likeme!Wait!Don'tbeflattering.Behonest.Thisisimportant."
"Iknow.Iamapersonlikeyounow!Imean,Iwanttorebel."
"Yes.We'realike,"gravely.
"OnlyI'mnotsureIcanputthroughmyschemes.Ireallycan'tdrawmuch.
IguessIhaveprettyfairtasteinfabrics,butsinceI'veknownyouIdon'tliketothinkaboutfussingwithdress–designing.
Butasamiller,I'dhavethemeans—books,piano,travel."
"I'mgoingtobefrankandbeastly.Don'tyourealizethatitisn'tjustbecauseherpapaneedsabrightyoungmaninthemillthatMyrtleisamiabletoyou?
Can'tyouunderstandwhatshe'lldotoyouwhenshehasyou,whenshesendsyoutochurchandmakesyoubecomerespectable?"
Heglaredather."Idon'tknow.Isupposeso."
"Youarethoroughlyunstable!"
"WhatifIam?Mostfishoutofwaterare!Don'ttalklikeMrs.Bogart!
HowcanIbeanythingbut'unstable'—wanderingfromfarmtotailorshoptobooks,notraining,nothingbuttryingtomakebookstalktome!ProbablyI'llfail.Oh,Iknowit;probablyI'muneven.
ButI'mnotunstableinthinkingaboutthisjobinthemill—andMyrtle.IknowwhatIwant.Iwantyou!"
"Please,please,oh,please!"
"Ido.I'mnotaschoolboyanymore.Iwantyou.IfItakeMyrtle,it'stoforgetyou."
"Please,please!"
"It'syouthatareunstable!Youtalkatthingsandplayatthings,butyou'rescared.
WouldIminditifyouandIwentofftopoverty,andIhadtodigditches?Iwouldnot!Butyouwould.
Ithinkyouwouldcometolikeme,butyouwon'tadmitit.
Iwouldn'thavesaidthis,butwhenyousneeratMyrtleandthemill—IfI'mnottohavegoodsensiblethingslikethose,d'youthinkI'llbecontentwithtryingtobecomeadamndressmaker,afterYOU?Areyoufair?Areyou?"
"No,Isupposenot."
"Doyoulikeme?Doyou?"
"Yes—No!Please!Ican'ttalkanymore."
"Nothere.Mrs.Haydockislookingatus."
"No,noranywhere.OErik,Iamfondofyou,butI'mafraid."
"Whatof?"
"OfThem!Ofmyrulers—GopherPrairie....Mydearboy,wearetalkingveryfoolishly.Iamanormalwifeandagoodmother,andyouare—oh,acollegefreshman."
"Youdolikeme!I'mgoingtomakeyouloveme!"
Shelookedathimonce,recklessly,andwalkedawaywithaserenegaitthatwasadisorderedflight.
Kennicottgrumbledontheirwayhome,"YouandthisValborgfellowseemquitechummy."
"Oh,weare.He'sinterestedinMyrtleCass,andIwastellinghimhownicesheis."
Inherroomshemarveled,"Ihavebecomealiar.I'msnarledwithliesandfoggyanalysesanddesires—Iwhowasclearandsure."
ShehurriedintoKennicott'sroom,satontheedgeofhisbed.Heflappedadrowsywelcominghandatherfromtheexpanseofquiltanddentedpillows.
"Will,IreallythinkIoughttotrotofftoSt.PaulorChicagoorsomeplace."
"Ithoughtwesettledallthat,fewnightsago!Waittillwecanhavearealtrip."Heshookhimselfoutofhisdrowsiness."Youmightgivemeagood–nightkiss."
Shedid—dutifully.Heheldherlipsagainsthisforanintolerabletime."Don'tyouliketheoldmananymore?"hecoaxed.Hesatupandshylyfittedhispalmabouttheslimnessofherwaist.
"Ofcourse.Ilikeyouverymuchindeed."Eventoherselfitsoundedflat.Shelongedtobeabletothrowintohervoicethefacilepassionofalightwoman.Shepattedhischeek.
Hesighed,"I'msorryyou'resotired.Seemslike—Butofcourseyouaren'tverystrong."
"Yes....Thenyoudon'tthink—you'requitesureIoughttostayhereintown?"
"Itoldyouso!Icertainlydo!"
Shecreptbacktoherroom,asmalltimorousfigureinwhite.
"Ican'tfaceWilldown—demandtheright.He'dbeobstinate.AndIcan'tevengooffandearnmylivingagain.Outofthehabitofit.He'sdrivingme—I'mafraidofwhathe'sdrivingmeto.Afraid.
"Thatmaninthere,snoringinstaleair,myhusband?Couldanyceremonymakehimmyhusband?
"No.Idon'twanttohurthim.Iwanttolovehim.Ican't,whenI'mthinkingofErik.
AmItoohonest—afunnytopsy–turvyhonesty—thefaithfulnessofunfaith?
IwishIhadamorecompartmentalmind,likemen.I'mtoomonogamous—towardErik!—mychildErik,whoneedsme.
"Isanillicitaffairlikeagamblingdebt—demandsstricterhonorthanthelegitimatedebtofmatrimony,becauseit'snotlegallyenforced?
"That'snonsense!Idon'tcareintheleastforErik!Notforanyman.
Iwanttobeletalone,inawomanworld—aworldwithoutMainStreet,orpoliticians,orbusinessmen,ormenwiththatsuddenbeastlyhungrylook,thatglisteningunfrankexpressionthatwivesknow—
"IfErikwerehere,ifhewouldjustsitquietandkindandtalk,Icouldbestill,Icouldgotosleep.
"Iamsotired.IfIcouldsleep—"
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