English
I
OnahillbytheMississippiwhereChippewascampedtwogenerationsago,agirlstoodinreliefagainstthecornflowerblueofNorthernsky.
ShesawnoIndiansnow;shesawflour–millsandtheblinkingwindowsofskyscrapersinMinneapolisandSt.Paul.
Norwasshethinkingofsquawsandportages,andtheYankeefur–traderswhoseshadowswereallabouther.
Shewasmeditatinguponwalnutfudge,theplaysofBrieux,thereasonswhyheelsrunover,andthefactthatthechemistryinstructorhadstaredatthenewcoiffurewhichconcealedherears.
Abreezewhichhadcrossedathousandmilesofwheat–landsbelliedhertaffetaskirtinalinesograceful,sofullofanimationandmovingbeauty,thattheheartofachancewatcheronthelowerroadtightenedtowistfulnessoverherqualityofsuspendedfreedom.
Sheliftedherarms,sheleanedbackagainstthewind,herskirtdippedandflared,alockblewwild.
Agirlonahilltop;credulous,plastic,young;drinkingtheairasshelongedtodrinklife.
Theeternalachingcomedyofexpectantyouth.
ItisCarolMilford,fleeingforanhourfromBlodgettCollege.
Thedaysofpioneering,oflassiesinsunbonnets,andbearskilledwithaxesinpineyclearings,aredeadernowthanCamelot;andarebelliousgirlisthespiritofthatbewilderedempirecalledtheAmericanMiddlewest.
II
BlodgettCollegeisontheedgeofMinneapolis.Itisabulwarkofsoundreligion.
ItisstillcombatingtherecentheresiesofVoltaire,Darwin,andRobertIngersoll.
PiousfamiliesinMinnesota,Iowa,Wisconsin,theDakotassendtheirchildrenthither,andBlodgettprotectsthemfromthewickednessoftheuniversities.
Butitsecretesfriendlygirls,youngmenwhosing,andoneladyinstructresswhoreallylikesMiltonandCarlyle.
SothefouryearswhichCarolspentatBlodgettwerenotaltogetherwasted.
Thesmallnessoftheschool,thefewnessofrivals,permittedhertoexperimentwithherperilousversatility.
Sheplayedtennis,gavechafing–dishparties,tookagraduateseminarinthedrama,went"twosing,"andjoinedhalfadozensocietiesforthepractiseoftheartsorthetensestalkingofathingcalledGeneralCulture.
Inherclassthereweretwoorthreeprettiergirls,butnonemoreeager.
Shewasnoticeableequallyintheclassroomgrindandatdances,thoughoutofthethreehundredstudentsofBlodgett,scoresrecitedmoreaccuratelyanddozensBostonedmoresmoothly.
Everycellofherbodywasalive—thinwrists,quince–blossomskin,ingenueeyes,blackhair.
Theothergirlsinherdormitorymarveledattheslightnessofherbodywhentheysawherinsheernegligee,ordartingoutwetfromashower–bath.
Sheseemedthenbuthalfaslargeastheyhadsupposed;afragilechildwhomustbecloakedwithunderstandingkindness.
"Psychic,"thegirlswhispered,and"spiritual."
Yetsoradioactivewerehernerves,soadventuroushertrustinrathervaguelyconceivedsweetnessandlight,thatshewasmoreenergeticthananyofthehulkingyoungwomenwho,withcalvesbulginginheavy–ribbedwoolenstockingsbeneathdecorousbluesergebloomers,thuddinglygallopedacrossthefloorofthe"gym"inpractisefortheBlodgettLadies'Basket–BallTeam.
Evenwhenshewastiredherdarkeyeswereobservant.
Shedidnotyetknowtheimmenseabilityoftheworldtobecasuallycruelandproudlydull,butifsheshouldeverlearnthosedismayingpowers,hereyeswouldneverbecomesullenorheavyorrheumilyamorous.
Forallherenthusiasms,forallthefondnessandthe"crushes"whichsheinspired,Carol'sacquaintanceswereshyofher.
Whenshewasmostardentlysinginghymnsorplanningdeviltrysheyetseemedgentlyaloofandcritical.
Shewascredulous,perhaps;abornhero–worshipper;yetshedidquestionandexamineunceasingly.
Whatevershemightbecomeshewouldneverbestatic.
Herversatilityensnaredher.Byturnsshehopedtodiscoverthatshehadanunusualvoice,atalentforthepiano,theabilitytoact,towrite,tomanageorganizations.
Alwaysshewasdisappointed,butalwayssheeffervescedanew—overtheStudentVolunteers,whointendedtobecomemissionaries,overpaintingsceneryforthedramaticclub,oversolicitingadvertisementsforthecollegemagazine.
ShewasonthepeakthatSundayafternoonwhensheplayedinchapel.
Outoftheduskherviolintookuptheorgantheme,andthecandle–lightrevealedherinastraightgoldenfrock,herarmarchedtothebow,herlipsserious.
EverymanfellinlovethenwithreligionandCarol.
ThroughoutSenioryearsheanxiouslyrelatedallherexperimentsandpartialsuccessestoacareer.
Daily,onthelibrarystepsorinthehalloftheMainBuilding,theco–edstalkedof"Whatshallwedowhenwefinishcollege?"
Eventhegirlswhoknewthattheyweregoingtobemarriedpretendedtobeconsideringimportantbusinesspositions;eventheywhoknewthattheywouldhavetoworkhintedaboutfabuloussuitors.
AsforCarol,shewasanorphan;heronlynearrelativewasavanilla–flavoredsistermarriedtoanopticianinSt.Paul.
Shehadusedmostofthemoneyfromherfather'sestate.
Shewasnotinlove—thatis,notoften,noreverlongatatime.Shewouldearnherliving.
Buthowshewastoearnit,howshewastoconquertheworld—almostentirelyfortheworld'sowngood—shedidnotsee.
Mostofthegirlswhowerenotbetrothedmeanttobeteachers.
Ofthesethereweretwosorts:carelessyoungwomenwhoadmittedthattheyintendedtoleavethe"beastlyclassroomandgrubbychildren"theminutetheyhadachancetomarry;andstudious,sometimesbulbous–browedandpop–eyedmaidenswhoatclassprayer–meetingsrequestedGodto"guidetheirfeetalongthepathsofgreatestusefulness."NeithersorttemptedCarol.
Theformerseemedinsincere(afavoritewordofhersatthisera).
Theearnestvirginswere,shefancied,aslikelytodoharmastodogoodbytheirfaithinthevalueofparsingCaesar.
AtvarioustimesduringSenioryearCarolfinallydecideduponstudyinglaw,writingmotion–picturescenarios,professionalnursing,andmarryinganunidentifiedhero.
Thenshefoundahobbyinsociology.
Thesociologyinstructorwasnew.Hewasmarried,andthereforetaboo,buthehadcomefromBoston,hehadlivedamongpoetsandsocialistsandJewsandmillionaireupliftersattheUniversitySettlementinNewYork,andhehadabeautifulwhitestrongneck.
Heledagigglingclassthroughtheprisons,thecharitybureaus,theemploymentagenciesofMinneapolisandSt.Paul.
TrailingattheendofthelineCarolwasindignantattheproddingcuriosityoftheothers,theirmannerofstaringatthepoorasataZoo.Shefeltherselfagreatliberator.
Sheputherhandtohermouth,herforefingerandthumbquitepainfullypinchingherlowerlip,andfrowned,andenjoyedbeingaloof.
AclassmatenamedStewartSnyder,acompetentbulkyyoungmaninagrayflannelshirt,arustyblackbowtie,andthegreen–and–purpleclasscap,grumbledtoherastheywalkedbehindtheothersinthemuckoftheSouthSt.Paulstockyards,"Thesecollegechumpsmakemetired.They'resotop–lofty.
Theyoughttoofworkedonthefarm,thewayIhave.Theseworkmenputitalloverthem."
"Ijustlovecommonworkmen,"glowedCarol.
"Onlyyoudon'twanttoforgetthatcommonworkmendon'tthinkthey'recommon!"
"You'reright!Iapologize!"
Carol'sbrowsliftedintheastonishmentofemotion,inagloryofabasement.Hereyesmotheredtheworld.StewartSnyderpeeredather.
Herammedhislargeredfistsintohispockets,hejerkedthemout,heresolutelygotridofthembyclenchinghishandsbehindhim,andhestammered:
"Iknow.Yougetpeople.Mostofthesedarnco–eds—Say,Carol,youcoulddoalotforpeople."
"Oh—ohwell—youknow—sympathyandeverything—ifyouwere—sayyouwerealawyer'swife.You'dunderstandhisclients.I'mgoingtobealawyer.
IadmitIfalldowninsympathysometimes.
Igetsodog–goneimpatientwithpeoplethatcan'tstandthegaff.
You'dbegoodforafellowthatwastooserious.
Makehimmore—more—YOUknow—sympathetic!"
Hisslightlypoutinglips,hismastiffeyes,werebegginghertobeghimtogoon.
Shefledfromthesteam–rollerofhissentiment.
Shecried,"Oh,seethosepoorsheep—millionsandmillionsofthem."Shedartedon.
Stewartwasnotinteresting.Hehadn'tashapelywhiteneck,andhehadneverlivedamongcelebratedreformers.
Shewanted,justnow,tohaveacellinasettlement–house,likeanunwithoutthebotherofablackrobe,andbekind,andreadBernardShaw,andenormouslyimproveahordeofgratefulpoor.
Thesupplementaryreadinginsociologyledhertoabookonvillage–improvement—tree–planting,townpageants,girls'clubs.
Ithadpicturesofgreensandgarden–wallsinFrance,NewEngland,Pennsylvania.
Shehadpickeditupcarelessly,withaslightyawnwhichshepatteddownwithherfinger–tipsasdelicatelyasacat.
Shedippedintothebook,loungingonherwindow–seat,withherslim,lisle–stockingedlegscrossed,andherkneesupunderherchin.
Shestrokedasatinpillowwhilesheread.
AboutherwastheclothyexuberanceofaBlodgettCollegeroom:cretonne–coveredwindow–seat,photographsofgirls,acarbonprintoftheColiseum,achafing–dish,andadozenpillowsembroideredorbeadedorpyrographed.
ShockinglyoutofplacewasaminiatureoftheDancingBacchante.
ItwastheonlytraceofCarolintheroom.
Shehadinheritedtherestfromgenerationsofgirlstudents.
Itwasasapartofallthiscommonplacenessthatsheregardedthetreatiseonvillage–improvement.Butshesuddenlystoppedfidgeting.Shestrodeintothebook.
Shehadfledhalf–waythroughitbeforethethreeo'clockbellcalledhertotheclassinEnglishhistory.
Shesighed,"That'swhatI'lldoaftercollege!
I'llgetmyhandsononeoftheseprairietownsandmakeitbeautiful.Beaninspiration.
IsupposeI'dbetterbecomeateacherthen,but—Iwon'tbethatkindofateacher.Iwon'tdrone.
WhyshouldtheyhaveallthegardensuburbsonLongIsland?
NobodyhasdoneanythingwiththeuglytownshereintheNorthwestexceptholdrevivalsandbuildlibrariestocontaintheElsiebooks.
I'llmake'emputinavillagegreen,anddarlingcottages,andaquaintMainStreet!"
Thusshetriumphedthroughtheclass,whichwasatypicalBlodgettcontestbetweenadrearyteacherandunwillingchildrenoftwenty,wonbytheteacherbecausehisopponentshadtoanswerhisquestions,whiletheirtreacherousquerieshecouldcounterbydemanding,"Haveyoulookedthatupinthelibrary?Wellthen,supposeyoudo!"
Thehistoryinstructorwasaretiredminister.Hewassarcastictoday.
HebeggedofsportingyoungMr.CharleyHolmberg,"NowCharles,woulditinterruptyourundoubtedlyfascinatingpursuitofthatmalevolentflyifIweretoaskyoutotellusthatyoudonotknowanythingaboutKingJohn?"
HespentthreedelightfulminutesinassuringhimselfofthefactthatnooneexactlyrememberedthedateofMagnaCharta.
Caroldidnothearhim.Shewascompletingtheroofofahalf–timberedtownhall.
Shehadfoundonemanintheprairievillagewhodidnotappreciateherpictureofwindingstreetsandarcades,butshehadassembledthetowncouncilanddramaticallydefeatedhim.
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ThoughshewasMinnesota–bornCarolwasnotanintimateoftheprairievillages.
Herfather,thesmilingandshabby,thelearnedandteasinglykind,hadcomefromMassachusetts,andthroughallherchildhoodhehadbeenajudgeinMankato,whichisnotaprairietown,butinitsgarden–shelteredstreetsandaislesofelmsiswhiteandgreenNewEnglandreborn.
MankatoliesbetweencliffsandtheMinnesotaRiver,hardbyTraversedesSioux,wherethefirstsettlersmadetreatieswiththeIndians,andthecattle–rustlersoncecamegallopingbeforehell–for–leatherposses.
AssheclimbedalongthebanksofthedarkriverCarollistenedtoitsfablesaboutthewidelandofyellowwatersandbleachedbuffalobonestotheWest;theSouthernleveesandsingingdarkiesandpalmtreestowardwhichitwasforevermysteriouslygliding;andsheheardagainthestartledbellsandthickpuffingofhigh–stackedriversteamerswreckedonsand–reefssixtyyearsago.
Alongthedecksshesawmissionaries,gamblersintallpothats,andDakotachiefswithscarletblankets....Faroffwhistlesatnight,roundtheriverbend,plunkingpaddlesreechoedbythepines,andaglowonblackslidingwaters.
Carol'sfamilywereself–sufficientintheirinventivelife,withChristmasaritefullofsurprisesandtenderness,and"dressing–upparties"spontaneousandjoyouslyabsurd.
ThebeastsintheMilfordhearth–mythologywerenottheobsceneNightAnimalswhojumpoutofclosetsandeatlittlegirls,butbeneficentandbright–eyedcreatures—thetamhtab,whoiswoollyandblueandlivesinthebathroom,andrunsrapidlytowarmsmallfeet;theferruginousoilstove,whopurrsandknowsstories;andtheskitamarigg,whowillplaywithchildrenbeforebreakfastiftheyspringoutofbedandclosethewindowattheveryfirstlineofthesongaboutpuellaswhichfathersingswhileshaving.
JudgeMilford'spedagogicalschemewastoletthechildrenreadwhatevertheypleased,andinhisbrownlibraryCarolabsorbedBalzacandRabelaisandThoreauandMaxMuller.
Hegravelytaughtthemthelettersonthebacksoftheencyclopedias,andwhenpolitevisitorsaskedaboutthementalprogressofthe"littleones,"theywerehorrifiedtohearthechildrenearnestlyrepeatingA–And,And–Aus,Aus–Bis,Bis–Cal,Cal–Cha.
Carol'smotherdiedwhenshewasnine.Herfatherretiredfromthejudiciarywhenshewaseleven,andtookthefamilytoMinneapolis.Therehedied,twoyearsafter.
Hersister,abusyproperadvisorysoul,olderthanherself,hadbecomeastrangertoherevenwhentheylivedinthesamehouse.
FromthoseearlybrownandsilverdaysandfromherindependenceofrelativesCarolretainedawillingnesstobedifferentfrombriskefficientbook–ignoringpeople;aninstincttoobserveandwonderattheirbustleevenwhenshewastakingpartinit.
But,shefeltapprovingly,asshediscoveredhercareeroftown–planning,shewasnowrousedtobeingbriskandefficientherself.
IV
InamonthCarol'sambitionhadclouded.
Herhesitancyaboutbecomingateacherhadreturned.
Shewasnot,sheworried,strongenoughtoenduretheroutine,andshecouldnotpictureherselfstandingbeforegrinningchildrenandpretendingtobewiseanddecisive.
Butthedesireforthecreationofabeautifultownremained.
Whensheencounteredanitemaboutsmall–townwomen'sclubsoraphotographofastragglingMainStreet,shewashomesickforit,shefeltrobbedofherwork.
ItwastheadviceoftheprofessorofEnglishwhichledhertostudyprofessionallibrary–workinaChicagoschool.
Herimaginationcarvedandcoloredthenewplan.
Shesawherselfpersuadingchildrentoreadcharmingfairytales,helpingyoungmentofindbooksonmechanics,beingeversocourteoustooldmenwhowerehuntingfornewspapers—thelightofthelibrary,anauthorityonbooks,invitedtodinnerswithpoetsandexplorers,readingapapertoanassociationofdistinguishedscholars.
V
Thelastfacultyreceptionbeforecommencement.Infivedaystheywouldbeinthecycloneoffinalexaminations.
Thehouseofthepresidenthadbeenmassedwithpalmssuggestiveofpoliteundertakingparlors,andinthelibrary,aten–footroomwithaglobeandtheportraitsofWhittierandMarthaWashington,thestudentorchestrawasplaying"Carmen"and"MadameButterfly."
Carolwasdizzywithmusicandtheemotionsofparting.
Shesawthepalmsasajungle,thepink–shadedelectricglobesasanopalinehaze,andtheeye–glassedfacultyasOlympians.
Shewasmelancholyatsightofthemouseygirlswithwhomshehad"alwaysintendedtogetacquainted,"andthehalfdozenyoungmenwhowerereadytofallinlovewithher.
ButitwasStewartSnyderwhomsheencouraged.
Hewassomuchmanlierthantheothers;hewasanevenwarmbrown,likehisnewready–madesuitwithitspaddedshoulders.
Shesatwithhim,andwithtwocupsofcoffeeandachickenpatty,uponapileofpresidentialovershoesinthecoat–closetunderthestairs,andasthethinmusicseepedin,Stewartwhispered:
"Ican'tstandit,thisbreakingupafterfouryears!Thehappiestyearsoflife."
Shebelievedit."Oh,Iknow!Tothinkthatinjustafewdayswe'llbeparting,andwe'llneverseesomeofthebunchagain!"
"Carol,yougottolistentome!YoualwaysduckwhenItrytotalkseriouslytoyou,butyougottolistentome.I'mgoingtobeabiglawyer,maybeajudge,andIneedyou,andI'dprotectyou—"
Hisarmslidbehindhershoulders.Theinsinuatingmusicdrainedherindependence.Shesaidmournfully,"Wouldyoutakecareofme?"Shetouchedhishand.Itwaswarm,solid.
"YoubetIwould!We'dhave,Lord,we'dhavebullytimesinYankton,whereI'mgoingtosettle—"
"ButIwanttodosomethingwithlife."
"What'sbetterthanmakingacomfyhomeandbringingupsomecutekidsandknowingnicehomeypeople?"
Itwastheimmemorialmalereplytotherestlesswoman.
ThustotheyoungSapphospakethemelon–venders;thusthecaptainstoZenobia;andinthedampcaveovergnawedbonesthehairysuitorthusprotestedtothewomanadvocateofmatriarchy.
InthedialectofBlodgettCollegebutwiththevoiceofSapphowasCarol'sanswer:
"Ofcourse.Iknow.Isupposethat'sso.Honestly,Idolovechildren.
Butthere'slotsofwomenthatcandohousework,butI—well,ifyouHAVEgotacollegeeducation,yououghttouseitfortheworld."
"Iknow,butyoucanuseitjustaswellinthehome.Andgee,Carol,justthinkofabunchofusgoingoutonanautopicnic,somenicespringevening."
"Yes."
"Andsleigh–ridinginwinter,andgoingfishing—"
Blarrrrrrr!Theorchestrahadcrashedintothe"Soldiers'Chorus";andshewasprotesting,"No!No!You'readear,butIwanttodothings.
Idon'tunderstandmyselfbutIwant—everythingintheworld!
MaybeIcan'tsingorwrite,butIknowIcanbeaninfluenceinlibrarywork.
JustsupposeIencouragedsomeboyandhebecameagreatartist!Iwill!Iwilldoit!
Stewartdear,Ican'tsettledowntonothingbutdish–washing!"
Twominuteslater—twohecticminutes—theyweredisturbedbyanembarrassedcouplealsoseekingtheidyllicseclusionoftheovershoe–closet.
AftergraduationsheneversawStewartSnyderagain.Shewrotetohimonceaweek—foronemonth.
VI
AyearCarolspentinChicago.Herstudyoflibrary–cataloguing,recording,booksofreference,waseasyandnottoosomniferous.
ShereveledintheArtInstitute,insymphoniesandviolinrecitalsandchambermusic,inthetheaterandclassicdancing.
Shealmostgaveuplibraryworktobecomeoneoftheyoungwomenwhodanceincheese–clothinthemoonlight.
ShewastakentoacertifiedStudioParty,withbeer,cigarettes,bobbedhair,andaRussianJewesswhosangtheInternationale.
ItcannotbereportedthatCarolhadanythingsignificanttosaytotheBohemians.
Shewasawkwardwiththem,andfeltignorant,andshewasshockedbythefreemannerswhichshehadforyearsdesired.
ButsheheardandremembereddiscussionsofFreud,RomainRolland,syndicalism,theConfederationGeneraleduTravail,feminismvs.haremism,Chineselyrics,nationalizationofmines,ChristianScience,andfishinginOntario.
Shewenthome,andthatwasthebeginningandendofherBohemianlife.
ThesecondcousinofCarol'ssister'shusbandlivedinWinnetka,andonceinvitedherouttoSundaydinner.
ShewalkedbackthroughWilmetteandEvanston,discoverednewformsofsuburbanarchitecture,andrememberedherdesiretorecreatevillages.
Shedecidedthatshewouldgiveuplibraryworkand,byamiraclewhosenaturewasnotveryclearlyrevealedtoher,turnaprairietownintoGeorgianhousesandJapanesebungalows.
ThenextdayinlibraryclassshehadtoreadathemeontheuseoftheCumulativeIndex,andshewastakensoseriouslyinthediscussionthatsheputoffhercareeroftown–planning—andintheautumnshewasinthepubliclibraryofSt.Paul.
VII
Carolwasnotunhappyandshewasnotexhilarated,intheSt.PaulLibrary.
Sheslowlyconfessedthatshewasnotvisiblyaffectinglives.
Shedid,atfirst,putintohercontactwiththepatronsawillingnesswhichshouldhavemovedworlds.
Butsofewofthesestolidworldswantedtobemoved.
Whenshewasinchargeofthemagazineroomthereadersdidnotaskforsuggestionsaboutelevatedessays.
Theygrunted,"WantafindtheLeatherGoodsGazetteforlastFebruary."
Whenshewasgivingoutbookstheprincipalquerywas,"Canyoutellmeofagood,light,excitinglovestorytoread?Myhusband'sgoingawayforaweek."
Shewasfondoftheotherlibrarians;proudoftheiraspirations.
Andbythechanceofpropinquityshereadscoresofbooksunnaturaltohergaywhitelittleness:volumesofanthropologywithditchesoffoot–notesfilledwithheapsofsmalldustytype,Parisianimagistes,Hindurecipesforcurry,voyagestotheSolomonIsles,theosophywithmodernAmericanimprovements,treatisesuponsuccessinthereal–estatebusiness.
Shetookwalks,andwassensibleaboutshoesanddiet.
Andneverdidshefeelthatshewasliving.
Shewenttodancesandsuppersatthehousesofcollegeacquaintances.
Sometimessheone–steppeddemurely;sometimes,indreadoflife'sslippingpast,sheturnedintoabacchanal,hertendereyesexcited,herthroattense,asshesliddowntheroom.
Duringherthreeyearsoflibraryworkseveralmenshoweddiligentinterestinher—thetreasurerofafur–manufacturingfirm,ateacher,anewspaperreporter,andapettyrailroadofficial.
Noneofthemmadehermorethanpauseinthought.
Formonthsnomaleemergedfromthemass.
Then,attheMarburys',shemetDr.WillKennicott.
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