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Itwaseasytopromiseself–abnegationwhenselfwaswrappedupinanother,andheartandsoulwerepurifiedbyasweetexample.
Butwhenthehelpfulvoicewassilent,thedailylessonover,thebelovedpresencegone,andnothingremainedbutlonelinessandgrief,thenJofoundherpromiseveryhardtokeep.
Howcouldshe'comfortFatherandMother'whenherownheartachedwithaceaselesslongingforhersister,howcouldshe'makethehousecheerful'whenallitslightandwarmthandbeautyseemedtohavedeserteditwhenBethlefttheoldhomeforthenew,andwhereinalltheworldcouldshe'findsomeuseful,happyworktodo',thatwouldtaketheplaceofthelovingservicewhichhadbeenitsownreward?
Shetriedinablind,hopelesswaytodoherduty,secretlyrebellingagainstitallthewhile,foritseemedunjustthatherfewjoysshouldbelessened,herburdensmadeheavier,andlifegetharderandharderasshetoiledalong.
Somepeopleseemedtogetallsunshine,andsomeallshadow.
Itwasnotfair,forshetriedmorethanAmytobegood,butnevergotanyreward,onlydisappointment,troubleandhardwork.
PoorJo,theseweredarkdaystoher,forsomethinglikedespaircameoverherwhenshethoughtofspendingallherlifeinthatquiethouse,devotedtohumdrumcares,afewsmallpleasures,andthedutythatneverseemedtogrowanyeasier."Ican'tdoit.
Iwasn'tmeantforalifelikethis,andIknowIshallbreakawayanddosomethingdesperateifsomebodydoesn'tcomeandhelpme,"shesaidtoherself,whenherfirsteffortsfailedandshefellintothemoody,miserablestateofmindwhichoftencomeswhenstrongwillshavetoyieldtotheinevitable.
Butsomeonedidcomeandhelpher,thoughJodidnotrecognizehergoodangelsatoncebecausetheyworefamiliarshapesandusedthesimplespellsbestfittedtopoorhumanity.
Oftenshestartedupatnight,thinkingBethcalledher,andwhenthesightofthelittleemptybedmadehercrywiththebittercryofunsubmissivesorrow,"Oh,Beth,comeback!Comeback!"
shedidnotstretchoutheryearningarmsinvain.
For,asquicktohearhersobbingasshehadbeentohearhersister'sfaintestwhisper,hermothercametocomforther,notwithwordsonly,butthepatienttendernessthatsoothesbyatouch,tearsthatweremuteremindersofagreatergriefthanJo's,andbrokenwhispers,moreeloquentthanprayers,becausehopefulresignationwenthand–in–handwithnaturalsorrow.
Sacredmoments,whenhearttalkedtoheartinthesilenceofthenight,turningafflictiontoablessing,whichchastenedgriefandstrengthnedlove.
Feelingthis,Jo'sburdenseemedeasiertobear,dutygrewsweeter,andlifelookedmoreendurable,seenfromthesafeshelterofhermother'sarms.
Whenachingheartwasalittlecomforted,troubledmindlikewisefoundhelp,foronedayshewenttothestudy,andleaningoverthegoodgrayheadliftedtowelcomeherwithatranquilsmile,shesaidveryhumbly,"Father,talktomeasyoudidtoBeth.
Ineeditmorethanshedid,forI'mallwrong."
"Mydear,nothingcancomfortmelikethis,"heanswered,withafalterinhisvoice,andbotharmsroundher,asifhetoo,neededhelp,anddidnotfeartoaskforit.
Then,sittinginBeth'slittlechairclosebesidehim,Jotoldhertroubles,theresentfulsorrowforherloss,thefruitlesseffortsthatdiscouragedher,thewantoffaiththatmadelifelooksodark,andallthesadbewildermentwhichwecalldespair.
Shegavehimentireconfidence,hegaveherthehelpsheneeded,andbothfoundconsolationintheact.
Forthetimehadcomewhentheycouldtalktogethernotonlyasfatheranddaughter,butasmanandwoman,ableandgladtoserveeachotherwithmutualsympathyaswellasmutuallove.
Happy,thoughtfultimesthereintheoldstudywhichJocalled'thechurchofonemember',andfromwhichshecamewithfreshcourage,recoveredcheerfulness,andamoresubmissivespirit.
Fortheparentswhohadtaughtonechildtomeetdeathwithoutfear,weretryingnowtoteachanothertoacceptlifewithoutdespondencyordistrust,andtouseitsbeautifulopportunitieswithgratitudeandpower.
OtherhelpshadJo––humble,wholesomedutiesanddelightsthatwouldnotbedeniedtheirpartinservingher,andwhichsheslowlylearnedtoseeandvalue.
Broomsanddishclothsnevercouldbeasdistastefulastheyoncehadbeen,forBethhadpresidedoverboth,andsomethingofherhousewifelyspiritseemedtolingeraroundthelittlemopandtheoldbrush,neverthrownaway.
Assheusedthem,JofoundherselfhummingthesongsBethusedtohum,imitatingBeth'sorderlyways,andgivingthelittletoucheshereandtherethatkepteverythingfreshandcozy,whichwasthefirststeptowardmakinghomehappy,thoughshedidn'tknowittillHannahsaidwithanapprovingsqueezeofthehand...
"Youthoughtfulcreeter,you'redeterminedweshan'tmissthatdearlambefyoucanhelpit.Wedon'tsaymuch,butweseeit,andtheLordwillblessyoufor't,seeefHedon't."
Astheysatsewingtogether,JodiscoveredhowmuchimprovedhersisterMegwas,howwellshecouldtalk,howmuchsheknewaboutgood,womanlyimpulses,thoughts,andfeelings,howhappyshewasinhusbandandchildren,andhowmuchtheywerealldoingforeachother.
"Marriageisanexcellentthing,afterall.
IwonderifIshouldblossomouthalfaswellasyouhave,ifItriedit?
,always'perwisin'Icould,"saidJo,assheconstructedakiteforDemiinthetopsy–turvynursery.
"It'sjustwhatyouneedtobringoutthetenderwomanlyhalfofyournature,Jo.
Youarelikeachestnutburr,pricklyoutside,butsilky–softwithin,andasweetkernal,ifonecanonlygetatit.
Lovewillmakeyoushowyourheartoneday,andthentheroughburrwillfalloff."
"Frostopenschestnutburrs,ma'am,andittakesagoodshaketobringthemdown.
Boysgonutting,andIdon'tcaretobebaggedbythem,"returnedJo,pastingawayatthekitewhichnowindthatblowswouldevercarryup,forDaisyhadtiedherselfonasabob.
Meglaughed,forshewasgladtoseeaglimmerofJo'soldspirit,butshefeltitherdutytoenforceheropinionbyeveryargumentinherpower,andthesisterlychatswerenotwasted,especiallyastwoofMeg'smosteffectiveargumentswerethebabies,whomJolovedtenderly.
Griefisthebestopenerofsomehearts,andJo'swasnearlyreadyforthebag.
Alittlemoresunshinetoripenthenut,then,notaboy'simpatientshake,butaman'shandreacheduptopickitgentlyfromtheburr,andfindthekernalsoundandsweet.
Ifshesuspectedthis,shewouldhaveshutuptight,andbeenmorepricklythanever,fortunatelyshewasn'tthinkingaboutherself,sowhenthetimecame,downshedropped.
Now,ifshehadbeentheheroineofamoralstorybook,sheoughtatthisperiodofherlifetohavebecomequitesaintly,renouncedtheworld,andgoneaboutdoinggoodinamortifiedbonnet,withtractsinherpocket.
But,yousee,Jowasn'taheroine,shewasonlyastrugglinghumangirllikehundredsofothers,andshejustactedouthernature,beingsad,cross,listless,orenergetic,asthemoodsuggested.
It'shighlyvirtuoustosaywe'llbegood,butwecan'tdoitallatonce,andittakesalongpull,astrongpull,andapullalltogetherbeforesomeofusevengetourfeetsetintherightway.
Johadgotsofar,shewaslearningtodoherduty,andtofeelunhappyifshedidnot,buttodoitcheerfully,ah,thatwasanotherthing!
Shehadoftensaidshewantedtodosomethingsplendid,nomatterhowhard,andnowshehadherwish,forwhatcouldbemorebeautifulthantodevoteherlifetoFatherandMother,tryingtomakehomeashappytothemastheyhadtoher?
Andifdifficultieswerenecessarytoincreasethesplendoroftheeffort,whatcouldbeharderforarestless,ambitiousgirlthantogiveupherownhopes,plans,anddesires,andcheerfullyliveforothers?
Providencehadtakenheratherword.Herewasthetask,notwhatshehadexpected,butbetterbecauseselfhadnopartinit.Now,couldshedoit?
Shedecidedthatshewouldtry,andinherfirstattemptshefoundthehelpsIhavesuggested.
Stillanotherwasgivenher,andshetookit,notasareward,butasacomfort,asChristiantooktherefreshmentaffordedbythelittlearborwhereherested,asheclimbedthehillcalledDifficulty.
"Whydon'tyouwrite?Thatalwaysusedtomakeyouhappy,"saidhermotheronce,whenthedespondingfitover–shadowedJo.
"I'venohearttowrite,andifIhad,nobodycaresformythings."
"Wedo.Writesomethingforus,andnevermindtherestoftheworld.Tryit,dear.I'msureitwoulddoyougood,andpleaseusverymuch."
"Don'tbelieveIcan."ButJogotoutherdeskandbegantooverhaulherhalf–finishedmanuscripts.
Anhourafterwardhermotherpeepedinandthereshewas,scratchingaway,withherblackpinaforeon,andanabsorbedexpression,whichcausedMrs.Marchtosmileandslipaway,wellpleasedwiththesuccessofhersuggestion.
Joneverknewhowithappened,butsomethinggotintothatstorythatwentstraighttotheheartsofthosewhoreadit,forwhenherfamilyhadlaughedandcriedoverit,herfathersentit,muchagainstherwill,tooneofthepopularmagazines,andtoheruttersurprise,itwasnotonlypaidfor,butothersrequested.
Lettersfromseveralpersons,whosepraisewashonor,followedtheappearanceofthelittlestory,newspaperscopiedit,andstrangersaswellasfriendsadmiredit.
Forasmallthingitwasagreatsuccess,andJowasmoreastonishedthanwhenhernovelwascommendedandcondemnedallatonce.
"Idon'tunderstandit.Whatcantherebeinasimplelittlestorylikethattomakepeoplepraiseitso?"shesaid,quitebewildered.
"Thereistruthinit,Jo,that'sthesecret.
Humorandpathosmakeitalive,andyouhavefoundyourstyleatlast.
Youwrotewithnothoughtsoffameandmoney,andputyourheartintoit,mydaughter.
Youhavehadthebitter,nowcomesthesweet.
Doyourbest,andgrowashappyasweareinyoursuccess."
"IfthereisanythinggoodortrueinwhatIwrite,itisn'tmine.IoweitalltoyouandMotherandBeth,"saidJo,moretouchedbyherfather'swordsthanbyanyamountofpraisefromtheworld.
Sotaughtbyloveandsorrow,Jowroteherlittlestories,andsentthemawaytomakefriendsforthemselvesandher,findingitaverycharitableworldtosuchhumblewanderers,fortheywerekindlywelcomed,andsenthomecomfortabletokenstotheirmother,likedutifulchildrenwhomgoodfortuneovertakes.
WhenAmyandLauriewroteoftheirengagement,Mrs.MarchfearedthatJowouldfinditdifficulttorejoiceoverit,butherfearsweresoonsetatrest,forthoughJolookedgraveatfirst,shetookitveryquietly,andwasfullofhopesandplansfor'thechildren'beforeshereadthelettertwice.
Itwasasortofwrittenduet,whereineachglorifiedtheotherinloverlikefashion,verypleasanttoreadandsatisfactorytothinkof,fornoonehadanyobjectiontomake.
"Youlikeit,Mother?"saidJo,astheylaiddownthecloselywrittensheetsandlookedatoneanother.
"Yes,Ihopeditwouldbeso,eversinceAmywrotethatshehadrefusedFred.
Ifeltsurethenthatsomethingbetterthanwhatyoucallthe'mercenaryspirit'hadcomeoverher,andahinthereandthereinherlettersmademesuspectthatloveandLauriewouldwintheday."
"Howsharpyouare,Marmee,andhowsilent!Youneversaidawordtome."
"Mothershaveneedofsharpeyesanddiscreettongueswhentheyhavegirlstomanage.
Iwashalfafraidtoputtheideaintoyourhead,lestyoushouldwriteandcongratulatethembeforethethingwassettled."
"I'mnotthescatterbrainIwas.Youmaytrustme.I'msoberandsensibleenoughforanyone'sconfidantenow."
"Soyouare,mydear,andIshouldhavemadeyoumine,onlyIfancieditmightpainyoutolearnthatyourTeddylovedsomeoneelse."
"Now,Mother,didyoureallythinkIcouldbesosillyandselfish,afterI'drefusedhislove,whenitwasfreshest,ifnotbest?"
"Iknewyouweresincerethen,Jo,butlatelyIhavethoughtthatifhecameback,andaskedagain,youmightperhaps,feellikegivinganotheranswer.
Forgiveme,dear,Ican'thelpseeingthatyouareverylonely,andsometimesthereisahungrylookinyoureyesthatgoestomyheart.
SoIfanciedthatyourboymightfilltheemptyplaceifhetriednow."
"No,Mother,itisbetterasitis,andI'mgladAmyhaslearnedtolovehim.Butyouarerightinonething.
Iamlonely,andperhapsifTeddyhadtriedagain,Imighthavesaid'Yes',notbecauseIlovehimanymore,butbecauseIcaremoretobelovedthanwhenhewentaway."
"I'mgladofthat,Jo,foritshowsthatyouaregettingon.
Thereareplentytoloveyou,sotrytobesatisfiedwithFatherandMother,sistersandbrothers,friendsandbabies,tillthebestloverofallcomestogiveyouyourreward."
"Mothersarethebestloversintheworld,butIdon'tmindwhisperingtoMarmeethatI'dliketotryallkinds.
It'sverycurious,butthemoreItrytosatisfymyselfwithallsortsofnaturalaffections,themoreIseemtowant.
I'dnoideaheartscouldtakeinsomany.
Mineissoelastic,itneverseemsfullnow,andIusedtobequitecontentedwithmyfamily.Idon'tunderstandit."
"Ido,"andMrs.Marchsmiledherwisesmile,asJoturnedbacktheleavestoreadwhatAmysaidofLaurie.
"ItissobeautifultobelovedasLaurielovesme.
Heisn'tsentimental,doesn'tsaymuchaboutit,butIseeandfeelitinallhesaysanddoes,anditmakesmesohappyandsohumblethatIdon'tseemtobethesamegirlIwas.
Ineverknewhowgoodandgenerousandtenderhewastillnow,forheletsmereadhisheart,andIfinditfullofnobleimpulsesandhopesandpurposes,andamsoproudtoknowit'smine.
Hesayshefeelsasifhe'couldmakeaprosperousvoyagenowwithmeaboardasmate,andlotsofloveforballast'.
Iprayhemay,andtrytobeallhebelievesme,forIlovemygallantcaptainwithallmyheartandsoulandmight,andneverwilldeserthim,whileGodletsusbetogether.
Oh,Mother,Ineverknewhowmuchlikeheaventhisworldcouldbe,whentwopeopleloveandliveforoneanother!"
"Andthat'sourcool,reserved,andworldlyAmy!Truly,lovedoesworkmiracles.Howvery,veryhappytheymustbe!"
andJolaidtherustlingsheetstogetherwithacarefulhand,asonemightshutthecoversofalovelyromance,whichholdsthereaderfasttilltheendcomes,andhefindshimselfaloneintheworkadayworldagain.
By–and–byJoroamedawayupstairs,foritwasrainy,andshecouldnotwalk.
Arestlessspiritpossessedher,andtheoldfeelingcameagain,notbitterasitoncewas,butasorrowfullypatientwonderwhyonesistershouldhaveallsheasked,theothernothing.
Itwasnottrue,sheknewthatandtriedtoputitaway,butthenaturalcravingforaffectionwasstrong,andAmy'shappinesswokethehungrylongingforsomeoneto'lovewithheartandsoul,andclingtowhileGodletthembetogether'.
Upinthegarret,whereJo'sunquietwanderingsendedstoodfourlittlewoodenchestsinarow,eachmarkedwithitsownersname,andeachfilledwithrelicsofthechildhoodandgirlhoodendednowforall.
Joglancedintothem,andwhenshecametoherown,leanedherchinontheedge,andstaredabsentlyatthechaoticcollection,tillabundleofoldexercisebookscaughthereye.
Shedrewthemout,turnedthemover,andrelivedthatpleasantwinteratkindMrs.Kirke's.
Shehadsmiledatfirst,thenshelookedthoughtful,nextsad,andwhenshecametoalittlemessagewrittenintheProfessor'shand,herlipsbegantotremble,thebooksslidoutofherlap,andshesatlookingatthefriendlywords,astheytookanewmeaning,andtouchedatenderspotinherheart.
"Waitforme,myfriend.Imaybealittlelate,butIshallsurelycome."
"Oh,ifheonlywould!Sokind,sogood,sopatientwithmealways,mydearoldFritz.
Ididn'tvaluehimhalfenoughwhenIhadhim,butnowhowIshouldlovetoseehim,foreveryoneseemsgoingawayfromme,andI'mallalone."
Andholdingthelittlepaperfast,asifitwereapromiseyettobefulfilled,Jolaidherheaddownonacomfortableragbag,andcried,asifinoppositiontotherainpatteringontheroof.
Wasitallself–pity,loneliness,orlowspirits?Orwasitthewakingupofasentimentwhichhadbideditstimeaspatientlyasitsinspirer?Whoshallsay?
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