Menseldomdo,forwhenwomenaretheadvisers,thelordsofcreationdon'ttaketheadvicetilltheyhavepersuadedthemselvesthatitisjustwhattheyintendedtodo.
Lauriewentbacktohisgrandfather,andwassodutifullydevotedforseveralweeksthattheoldgentlemandeclaredtheclimateofNicehadimprovedhimwonderfully,andhehadbettertryitagain.
Therewasnothingtheyounggentlemanwouldhavelikedbetter,butelephantscouldnothavedraggedhimbackafterthescoldinghehadreceived.
Prideforbid,andwheneverthelonginggrewverystrong,hefortifiedhisresolutionbyrepeatingthewordsthathadmadethedeepestimpression––"Idespiseyou."
Laurieturnedthematteroverinhismindsooftenthathesoonbroughthimselftoconfessthathehadbeenselfishandlazy,butthenwhenamanhasagreatsorrow,heshouldbeindulgedinallsortsofvagariestillhehasliveditdown.
Hefeltthathisblightedaffectionswerequitedeadnow,andthoughheshouldneverceasetobeafaithfulmourner,therewasnooccasiontowearhisweedsostentatiously.
Jowouldn'tlovehim,buthemightmakeherrespectandadmirehimbydoingsomethingwhichshouldprovethatagirl's'No'hadnotspoiledhislife.
AsGoethe,whenhehadajoyoragrief,putitintoasong,soLaurieresolvedtoembalmhislovesorrowinmusic,andtocomposeaRequiemwhichshouldharrowupJo'ssoulandmelttheheartofeveryhearer.
Thereforethenexttimetheoldgentlemanfoundhimgettingrestlessandmoodyandorderedhimoff,hewenttoVienna,wherehehadmusicalfriends,andfelltoworkwiththefirmdeterminationtodistinguishhimself.
Butwhetherthesorrowwastoovasttobeembodiedinmusic,ormusictooetherealtoupliftamortalwoe,hesoondiscoveredthattheRequiemwasbeyondhimjustatpresent.
Itwasevidentthathismindwasnotinworkingorderyet,andhisideasneededclarifying,forofteninthemiddleofaplaintivestrain,hewouldfindhimselfhummingadancingtunethatvividlyrecalledtheChristmasballatNice,especiallythestoutFrenchman,andputaneffectualstoptotragiccompositionforthetimebeing.
Thenhetriedanopera,fornothingseemedimpossibleinthebeginning,buthereagainunforeseendifficultiesbesethim.
HewantedJoforhisheroine,andcalleduponhismemorytosupplyhimwithtenderrecollectionsandromanticvisionsofhislove.
Butmemoryturnedtraitor,andasifpossessedbytheperversespiritofthegirl,wouldonlyrecallJo'soddities,faults,andfreaks,wouldonlyshowherinthemostunsentimentalaspects––beatingmatswithherheadtiedupinabandanna,barricadingherselfwiththesofapillow,orthrowingcoldwateroverhispassionalaGummidge––andanirresistablelaughspoiledthepensivepicturehewasendeavoringtopaint.
Whenhelookedabouthimforanotherandalessintractabledamseltoimmortalizeinmelody,memoryproducedonewiththemostobligingreadiness.
Thisphantomworemanyfaces,butitalwayshadgoldenhair,wasenvelopedinadiaphanouscloud,andfloatedairilybeforehismind'seyeinapleasingchaosofroses,peacocks,whiteponies,andblueribbons.
Hedidnotgivethecomplacentwraithanyname,buthetookherforhisheroineandgrewquitefondofher,aswellhemight,forhegiftedherwitheverygiftandgraceunderthesun,andescortedher,unscathed,throughtrialswhichwouldhaveannihilatedanymortalwoman.
Thankstothisinspiration,hegotonswimminglyforatime,butgraduallytheworklostitscharm,andheforgottocompose,whilehesatmusing,peninhand,orroamedaboutthegaycitytogetsomenewideasandrefreshhismind,whichseemedtobeinasomewhatunsettledstatethatwinter.
Hedidnotdomuch,buthethoughtagreatdealandwasconsciousofachangeofsomesortgoingoninspiteofhimself."It'sgeniussimmering,perhaps.
I'llletitsimmer,andseewhatcomesofit,"hesaid,withasecretsuspicionallthewhilethatitwasn'tgenius,butsomethingfarmorecommon.
Whateveritwas,itsimmeredtosomepurpose,forhegrewmoreandmorediscontentedwithhisdesultorylife,begantolongforsomerealandearnestworktogoat,soulandbody,andfinallycametothewiseconclusionthateveryonewholovedmusicwasnotacomposer.
ReturningfromoneofMozart'sgrandoperas,splendidlyperformedattheRoyalTheatre,helookedoverhisown,playedafewofthebestparts,satstaringatthebustsofMendelssohn,Beethoven,andBach,whostaredbenignlybackagain.
Thensuddenlyhetoreuphismusicsheets,onebyone,andasthelastflutteredoutofhishand,hesaidsoberlytohimself...
"Sheisright!Talentisn'tgenius,andyoucan'tmakeitso.ThatmusichastakenthevanityoutofmeasRometookitoutofher,andIwon'tbeahumbuganylonger.NowwhatshallIdo?"
Nowifever,occurredaneligibleopportunityfor'goingtothedevil',asheonceforciblyexpressedit,forhehadplentyofmoneyandnothingtodo,andSatanisproverbiallyfondofprovidingemploymentforfullandidlehands.
Thepoorfellowhadtemptationsenoughfromwithoutandfromwithin,buthewithstoodthemprettywell,formuchashevaluedliberty,hevaluedgoodfaithandconfidencemore,sohispromisetohisgrandfather,andhisdesiretobeabletolookhonestlyintotheeyesofthewomenwholovedhim,andsay"All'swell,"kepthimsafeandsteady.
VerylikelysomeMrs.Grundywillobserve,"Idon'tbelieveit,boyswillbeboys,youngmenmustsowtheirwildoats,andwomenmustnotexpectmiracles."
Womenworkagoodmanymiracles,andIhaveapersuasionthattheymayperformeventhatofraisingthestandardofmanhoodbyrefusingtoechosuchsayings.
Butmothers,sisters,andfriendsmayhelptomakethecropasmallone,andkeepmanytaresfromspoilingtheharvest,bybelieving,andshowingthattheybelieve,inthepossibilityofloyaltytothevirtueswhichmakemenmanliestingoodwomen'seyes.
Ifitisafemininedelusion,leaveustoenjoyitwhilewemay,forwithoutithalfthebeautyandtheromanceoflifeislost,andsorrowfulforebodingswouldembitterallourhopesofthebrave,tenderheartedlittlelads,whostilllovetheirmothersbetterthanthemselvesandarenotashamedtoownit.
LauriethoughtthatthetaskofforgettinghisloveforJowouldabsorballhispowersforyears,buttohisgreatsurprisehediscovereditgreweasiereveryday.
Herefusedtobelieveitatfirst,gotangrywithhimself,andcouldn'tunderstandit,buttheseheartsofoursarecuriousandcontrarythings,andtimeandnatureworktheirwillinspiteofus.Laurie'sheartwouldn'tache.
Thewoundpersistedinhealingwitharapiditythatastonishedhim,andinsteadoftryingtoforget,hefoundhimselftryingtoremember.
Hewasdisgustedwithhimself,surprisedathisownfickleness,andfullofaqueermixtureofdisappointmentandreliefthathecouldrecoverfromsuchatremendousblowsosoon.
Therewasonlyacomfortableglowthatwarmedanddidhimgoodwithoutputtinghimintoafever,andhewasreluctantlyobligedtoconfessthattheboyishpassionwasslowlysubsidingintoamoretranquilsentiment,verytender,alittlesadandresentfulstill,butthatwassuretopassawayintime,leavingabrotherlyaffectionwhichwouldlastunbrokentotheend.
Astheword'brotherly'passedthroughhismindinoneofhisreveries,hesmiled,andglancedupatthepictureofMozartthatwasbeforehim...
Lauriedidnotutterthewords,buthethoughtthem,andthenextinstantkissedthelittleoldring,sayingtohimself,"No,Iwon't!Ihaven'tforgotten,Inevercan.
Leavinghissentenceunfinished,heseizedpenandpaperandwrotetoJo,tellingherthathecouldnotsettletoanythingwhiletherewastheleasthopeofherchanginghermind.
InapostscriptshedesiredhimnottotellAmythatBethwasworse,shewascominghomeinthespringandtherewasnoneedofsaddeningtheremainderofherstay.
Thatwouldbetimeenough,pleaseGod,butLauriemustwritetoheroften,andnotletherfeellonely,homesickoranxious.
"SoIwill,atonce.Poorlittlegirl,itwillbeasadgoinghomeforher,I'mafraid,"andLaurieopenedhisdesk,asifwritingtoAmyhadbeentheproperconclusionofthesentenceleftunfinishedsomeweeksbefore.
Buthedidnotwritetheletterthatday,forasherummagedouthisbestpaper,hecameacrosssomethingwhichchangedhispurpose.
Tumblingaboutinonepartofthedeskamongbills,passports,andbusinessdocumentsofvariouskindswereseveralofJo'sletters,andinanothercompartmentwerethreenotesfromAmy,carefullytiedupwithoneofherblueribbonsandsweetlysuggestiveofthelittledeadrosesputawayinside.
Withahalf–repentant,half–amusedexpression,LauriegatheredupallJo'sletters,smoothed,folded,andputthemneatlyintoasmalldrawerofthedesk,stoodaminuteturningtheringthoughtfullyonhisfinger,thenslowlydrewitoff,laiditwiththeletters,lockedthedrawer,andwentouttohearHighMassatSaintStefan's,feelingasiftherehadbeenafuneral,andthoughnotoverwhelmedwithaffliction,thisseemedamoreproperwaytospendtherestofthedaythaninwritingletterstocharmingyoungladies.
Theletterwentverysoon,however,andwaspromptlyanswered,forAmywashomesick,andconfesseditinthemostdelightfullyconfidingmanner.
Thecorrespondenceflourishedfamously,andlettersflewtoandfrowithunfailingregularityallthroughtheearlyspring.
HewanteddesperatelytogotoNice,butwouldnottillhewasasked,andAmywouldnotaskhim,forjustthenshewashavinglittleexperiencesofherown,whichmadeherratherwishtoavoidthequizzicaleyesof'ourboy'.
FredVaughnhadreturned,andputthequestiontowhichshehadoncedecidedtoanswer,"Yes,thankyou,"butnowshesaid,"No,thankyou,"kindlybutsteadily,forwhenthetimecame,hercouragefailedher,andshefoundthatsomethingmorethanmoneyandpositionwasneededtosatisfythenewlongingthatfilledherheartsofulloftenderhopesandfears.
Thewords,"Fredisagoodfellow,butnotatallthemanIfanciedyouwouldeverlike,"andLaurie'sfacewhenheutteredthem,keptreturningtoheraspertinaciouslyasherowndidwhenshesaidinlook,ifnotinwords,"Ishallmarryformoney."
Shewassogladhedidn'thateherforthedreadfulthingsshesaid,buttookthemsobeautifullyandwaskinderthanever.
Hislettersweresuchacomfort,forthehomeletterswereveryirregularandnothalfsosatisfactoryashiswhentheydidcome.
Itwasnotonlyapleasure,butadutytoanswerthem,forthepoorfellowwasforlorn,andneededpetting,sinceJopersistedinbeingstonyhearted.
IfallbrothersweretreatedaswellasLauriewasatthisperiod,theywouldbeamuchhappierraceofbeingsthantheyare.Amyneverlecturednow.
Sheaskedhisopiniononallsubjects,shewasinterestedineverythinghedid,madecharminglittlepresentsforhim,andsenthimtwolettersaweek,fulloflivelygossip,sisterlyconfidences,andcaptivatingsketchesofthelovelyscenesabouther.
Asfewbrothersarecomplimentedbyhavingtheirletterscarriedaboutintheirsister'spockets,readandrereaddiligently,criedoverwhenshort,kissedwhenlong,andtreasuredcarefully,wewillnothintthatAmydidanyofthesefondandfoolishthings.
Butshecertainlydidgrowalittlepaleandpensivethatspring,lostmuchofherrelishforsociety,andwentoutsketchingaloneagooddeal.
Sheneverhadmuchtoshowwhenshecamehome,butwasstudyingnature,Idaresay,whileshesatforhours,withherhandsfolded,ontheterraceatValrosa,orabsentlysketchedanyfancythatoccurredtoher,astalwartknightcarvedonatomb,ayoungmanasleepinthegrass,withhishatoverhiseyes,oracurlyhairedgirlingorgeousarray,promenadingdownaballroomonthearmofatallgentleman,bothfacesbeingleftabluraccordingtothelastfashioninart,whichwassafebutnotaltogethersatisfactory.
HerauntthoughtthatsheregrettedheranswertoFred,andfindingdenialsuselessandexplanationsimpossible,Amylefthertothinkwhatsheliked,takingcarethatLaurieshouldknowthatFredhadgonetoEgypt.
Withthatheheavedagreatsigh,andthen,asifhehaddischargedhisdutytothepast,puthisfeetuponthesofaandenjoyedAmy'sletterluxuriously.
ButthelettertellingthatBethwasfailingneverreachedAmy,andwhenthenextfoundheratVevay,fortheheathaddriventhemfromNiceinMay,andtheyhadtravelledslowlytoSwitzerland,bywayofGenoaandtheItalianlakes.
Sheboreitverywell,andquietlysubmittedtothefamilydecreethatsheshouldnotshortenhervisit,forsinceitwastoolatetosaygoodbyetoBeth,shehadbetterstay,andletabsencesoftenhersorrow.
Butherheartwasveryheavy,shelongedtobeathome,andeverydaylookedwistfullyacrossthelake,waitingforLaurietocomeandcomforther.
Hedidcomeverysoon,forthesamemailbroughtletterstothemboth,buthewasinGermany,andittooksomedaystoreachhim.
Themomenthereadit,hepackedhisknapsack,badeadieutohisfellowpedestrians,andwasofftokeephispromise,withaheartfullofjoyandsorrow,hopeandsuspense.
HeknewVevaywell,andassoonastheboattouchedthelittlequay,hehurriedalongtheshoretoLaTour,wheretheCarrolswerelivingenpension.
Thegarconwasindespairthatthewholefamilyhadgonetotakeapromenadeonthelake,butno,theblondemademoisellemightbeinthechateaugarden.
Butmonsieurcouldnotwaitevena'flashoftime',andinthemiddleofthespeechdepartedtofindmademoisellehimself.
Apleasantoldgardenonthebordersofthelovelylake,withchestnutsrustlingoverhead,ivyclimbingeverywhere,andtheblackshadowofthetowerfallingfaracrossthesunnywater.
Atonecornerofthewide,lowwallwasaseat,andhereAmyoftencametoreadorwork,orconsoleherselfwiththebeautyallabouther.
Shewassittingherethatday,leaningherheadonherhand,withahomesickheartandheavyeyes,thinkingofBethandwonderingwhyLauriedidnotcome.
Shedidnothearhimcrossthecourtyardbeyond,norseehimpauseinthearchwaythatledfromthesubterraneanpathintothegarden.
Hestoodaminutelookingatherwithneweyes,seeingwhatnoonehadeverseenbefore,thetendersideofAmy'scharacter.
Everythingabouthermutelysuggestedloveandsorrow,theblottedlettersinherlap,theblackribbonthattiedupherhair,thewomanlypainandpatienceinherface,eventhelittleebonycrossatherthroatseemedpathetictoLaurie,forhehadgivenittoher,andsheworeitasheronlyornament.
Ifhehadanydoubtsaboutthereceptionshewouldgivehim,theyweresetatresttheminuteshelookedupandsawhim,fordroppingeverything,sherantohim,exclaiminginatoneofunmistakableloveandlonging...
Ithinkeverythingwassaidandsettledthen,forastheystoodtogetherquitesilentforamoment,withthedarkheadbentdownprotectinglyoverthelightone,AmyfeltthatnoonecouldcomfortandsustainhersowellasLaurie,andLauriedecidedthatAmywastheonlywomanintheworldwhocouldfillJo'splaceandmakehimhappy.
Hedidnottellherso,butshewasnotdisappointed,forbothfeltthetruth,weresatisfied,andgladlylefttheresttosilence.
InaminuteAmywentbacktoherplace,andwhileshedriedhertears,Lauriegatheredupthescatteredpapers,findinginthesightofsundrywell–wornlettersandsuggestivesketchesgoodomensforthefuture.
Itwassuchasurprisetolookupandfindyou,justasIwasbeginningtofearyouwouldn'tcome,"shesaid,tryinginvaintospeakquitenaturally.
"IcametheminuteIheard.IwishIcouldsaysomethingtocomfortyouforthelossofdearlittleBeth,butIcanonlyfeel,and..."Hecouldnotgetanyfurther,forhetooturnedbashfulallofasudden,anddidnotquiteknowwhattosay.
HelongedtolayAmy'sheaddownonhisshoulder,andtellhertohaveagoodcry,buthedidnotdare,sotookherhandinstead,andgaveitasympatheticsqueezethatwasbetterthanwords.
Wewon'ttalkaboutitnow,foritmakesmecry,andIwanttoenjoyyouwhileyoustay.Youneedn'tgorightback,needyou?"
"Ido,somuch.AuntandFloareverykind,butyouseemlikeoneofthefamily,anditwouldbesocomfortabletohaveyouforalittlewhile."
AmyspokeandlookedsolikeahomesickchildwhoseheartwasfullthatLaurieforgothisbashfulnessallatonce,andgaveherjustwhatshewanted––thepettingshewasusedtoandthecheerfulconversationsheneeded.
I'mgoingtotakecareofyou,sodon'tcryanymore,butcomeandwalkaboutwithme,thewindistoochillyforyoutositstill,"hesaid,inthehalf–caressing,half–commandingwaythatAmyliked,ashetiedonherhat,drewherarmthroughhis,andbegantopaceupanddownthesunnywalkunderthenew–leavedchestnuts.
Hefeltmoreateaseuponhislegs,andAmyfounditpleasanttohaveastrongarmtoleanupon,afamiliarfacetosmileather,andakindvoicetotalkdelightfullyforheralone.
Thequaintoldgardenhadshelteredmanypairsoflovers,andseemedexpresslymadeforthem,sosunnyandsecludedwasit,withnothingbutthetowertooverlookthem,andthewidelaketocarryawaytheechooftheirwords,asitrippledbybelow.
Foranhourthisnewpairwalkedandtalked,orrestedonthewall,enjoyingthesweetinfluenceswhichgavesuchacharmtotimeandplace,andwhenanunromanticdinnerbellwarnedthemaway,Amyfeltasifsheleftherburdenoflonelinessandsorrowbehindherinthechateaugarden.
ThemomentMrs.Carrolsawthegirl'salteredface,shewasilluminatedwithanewidea,andexclaimedtoherself,"NowIunderstanditall––thechildhasbeenpiningforyoungLaurence.
Withpraiseworthydiscretion,thegoodladysaidnothing,andbetrayednosignofenlightenment,butcordiallyurgedLaurietostayandbeggedAmytoenjoyhissociety,foritwoulddohermoregoodthansomuchsolitude.
Amywasamodelofdocility,andasherauntwasagooddealoccupiedwithFlo,shewaslefttoentertainherfriend,anddiditwithmorethanherusualsuccess.
AtVevay,Lauriewasneveridle,butalwayswalking,riding,boating,orstudyinginthemostenergeticmanner,whileAmyadmiredeverythinghedidandfollowedhisexampleasfarandasfastasshecould.
Hesaidthechangewasowingtotheclimate,andshedidnotcontradicthim,beinggladofalikeexcuseforherownrecoveredhealthandspirits.
Thelakeseemedtowashawaythetroublesofthepast,andthegrandoldmountainstolookbenignlydownuponthemsaying,"Littlechildren,loveoneanother."
Ittookhimalittlewhiletorecoverfromhissurpriseatthecureofhisfirst,andashehadfirmlybelieved,hislastandonlylove.
HeconsoledhimselffortheseemingdisloyaltybythethoughtthatJo'ssisterwasalmostthesameasJo'sself,andtheconvictionthatitwouldhavebeenimpossibletoloveanyotherwomanbutAmysosoonandsowell.
Hisfirstwooinghadbeenofthetempestuousorder,andhelookedbackuponitasifthroughalongvistaofyearswithafeelingofcompassionblendedwithregret.
Hewasnotashamedofit,butputitawayasoneofthebitter–sweetexperiencesofhislife,forwhichhecouldbegratefulwhenthepainwasover.
Therewasnoneedofhavingascene,hardlyanyneedoftellingAmythathelovedher,sheknewitwithoutwordsandhadgivenhimhisanswerlongago.
Butwhenourfirstlittlepassionhasbeencrushed,weareapttobewaryandslowinmakingasecondtrial,soLaurieletthedayspass,enjoyingeveryhour,andleavingtochancetheutteranceofthewordthatwouldputanendtothefirstandsweetestpartofhisnewromance.
Hehadratherimaginedthatthedenoumentwouldtakeplaceinthechateaugardenbymoonlight,andinthemostgracefulanddecorousmanner,butitturnedoutexactlythereverse,forthematterwassettledonthelakeatnoondayinafewbluntwords.
Theyhadbeenfloatingaboutallthemorning,fromgloomySt.GingolftosunnyMontreux,withtheAlpsofSavoyononeside,MontSt.BernardandtheDentduMidiontheother,prettyVevayinthevalley,andLausanneuponthehillbeyond,acloudlessblueskyoverhead,andthebluerlakebelow,dottedwiththepicturesqueboatsthatlooklikewhite–wingedgulls.
TheyhadbeentalkingofBonnivard,astheyglidedpastChillon,andofRousseau,astheylookedupatClarens,wherehewrotehisHeloise.
Neitherhadreadit,buttheyknewitwasalovestory,andeachprivatelywonderedifitwashalfasinterestingastheirown.
Amyhadbeendabblingherhandinthewaterduringthelittlepausethatfellbetweenthem,andwhenshelookedup,Lauriewasleaningonhisoarswithanexpressioninhiseyesthatmadehersayhastily,merelyforthesakeofsayingsomething...
"Youmustbetired.Restalittle,andletmerow.Itwilldomegood,forsinceyoucameIhavebeenaltogetherlazyandluxurious."
"I'mnottired,butyoumaytakeanoar,ifyoulike.There'sroomenough,thoughIhavetositnearlyinthemiddle,elsetheboatwon'ttrim,"returnedLaurie,asifheratherlikedthearrangement.
Feelingthatshehadnotmendedmattersmuch,Amytooktheofferedthirdofaseat,shookherhairoverherface,andacceptedanoar.
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