English
WhenJocamehomethatspring,shehadbeenstruckwiththechangeinBeth.
Noonespokeofitorseemedawareofit,forithadcometoograduallytostartlethosewhosawherdaily,buttoeyessharpenedbyabsence,itwasveryplainandaheavyweightfellonJo'sheartasshesawhersister'sface.
Itwasnopalerandbutlittlerthinnerthanintheautumn,yettherewasastrange,transparentlookaboutit,asifthemortalwasbeingslowlyrefinedaway,andtheimmortalshiningthroughthefrailfleshwithanindescribablypatheticbeauty.
Josawandfeltit,butsaidnothingatthetime,andsoonthefirstimpressionlostmuchofitspower,forBethseemedhappy,nooneappearedtodoubtthatshewasbetter,andpresentlyinothercaresJoforatimeforgotherfear.
ButwhenLauriewasgone,andpeaceprevailedagain,thevagueanxietyreturnedandhauntedher.
Shehadconfessedhersinsandbeenforgiven,butwhensheshowedhersavingsandproposedamountaintrip,Bethhadthankedherheartily,butbeggednottogosofarawayfromhome.
Anotherlittlevisittotheseashorewouldsuitherbetter,andasGrandmacouldnotbeprevailedupontoleavethebabies,JotookBethdowntothequietplace,whereshecouldlivemuchintheopenair,andletthefreshseabreezesblowalittlecolorintoherpalecheeks.
Itwasnotafashionableplace,butevenamongthepleasantpeoplethere,thegirlsmadefewfriends,preferringtoliveforoneanother.
Bethwastooshytoenjoysociety,andJotoowrappedupinhertocareforanyoneelse.
Sotheywereallinalltoeachother,andcameandwent,quiteunconsciousoftheinteresttheyexitedinthoseaboutthem,whowatchedwithsympatheticeyesthestrongsisterandthefeebleone,alwaystogether,asiftheyfeltinstinctivelythatalongseparationwasnotfaraway.
Theydidfeelit,yetneitherspokeofit,foroftenbetweenourselvesandthosenearestanddearesttousthereexistsareservewhichitisveryhardtoovercome.
JofeltasifaveilhadfallenbetweenherheartandBeth's,butwhensheputoutherhandtoliftitup,thereseemedsomethingsacredinthesilence,andshewaitedforBethtospeak.
Shewondered,andwasthankfulalso,thatherparentsdidnotseemtoseewhatshesaw,andduringthequietweekswhentheshadowsgrewsoplaintoher,shesaidnothingofittothoseathome,believingthatitwouldtellitselfwhenBethcamebacknobetter.
Shewonderedstillmoreifhersisterreallyguessedthehardtruth,andwhatthoughtswerepassingthroughhermindduringthelonghourswhenshelayonthewarmrockswithherheadinJo'slap,whilethewindsblewhealthfullyoverherandtheseamademusicatherfeet.
OnedayBethtoldher.Jothoughtshewasasleep,shelaysostill,andputtingdownherbook,satlookingatherwithwistfuleyes,tryingtoseesignsofhopeinthefaintcoloronBeth'scheeks.
Butshecouldnotfindenoughtosatisfyher,forthecheekswereverythin,andthehandsseemedtoofeebletoholdeventherosylittleshellstheyhadbeencollecting.
ItcametoherthenmorebitterlythaneverthatBethwasslowlydriftingawayfromher,andherarmsinstinctivelytightenedtheirholduponthedearesttreasureshepossessed.
Foraminutehereyesweretoodimforseeing,andwhentheycleared,Bethwaslookingupathersotenderlythattherewashardlyanyneedforhertosay,"Jo,dear,I'mgladyouknowit.
I'vetriedtotellyou,butIcouldn't."
Therewasnoanswerexcepthersister'scheekagainstherown,noteventears,forwhenmostdeeplymoved,Jodidnotcry.
Shewastheweakerthen,andBethtriedtocomfortandsustainher,withherarmsaboutherandthesoothingwordsshewhisperedinherear.
"I'veknownitforagoodwhile,dear,andnowI'musedtoit,itisn'thardtothinkofortobear.Trytoseeitsoanddon'tbetroubledaboutme,becauseit'sbest,indeeditis."
"Isthiswhatmadeyousounhappyintheautumn,Beth?
Youdidnotfeelitthen,andkeepittoyourselfsolong,didyou?"
askedJo,refusingtoseeorsaythatitwasbest,butgladtoknowthatLauriehadnopartinBeth'strouble.
"Yes,Igaveuphopingthen,butIdidn'tliketoownit.
Itriedtothinkitwasasickfancy,andwouldnotletittroubleanyone.
ButwhenIsawyouallsowellandstrongandfullofhappyplans,itwashardtofeelthatIcouldneverbelikeyou,andthenIwasmiserable,Jo."
"Oh,Beth,andyoudidn'ttellme,didn'tletmecomfortandhelpyou?Howcouldyoushutmeout,bearitallalone?"
Jo'svoicewasfulloftenderreproach,andherheartachedtothinkofthesolitarystrugglethatmusthavegoneonwhileBethlearnedtosaygoodbyetohealth,love,andlife,andtakeuphercrosssocheerfully.
"Perhapsitwaswrong,butItriedtodoright.
Iwasn'tsure,noonesaidanything,andIhopedIwasmistaken.
ItwouldhavebeenselfishtofrightenyouallwhenMarmeewassoanxiousaboutMeg,andAmyaway,andyousohappywithLaurie––atleastIthoughtsothen."
"AndIthoughtyoulovedhim,Beth,andIwentawaybecauseIcouldn't,"criedJo,gladtosayallthetruth.
BethlookedsoamazedattheideathatJosmiledinspiteofherpain,andaddedsoftly,"Thenyoudidn't,dearie?
Iwasafraiditwasso,andimaginedyourpoorlittleheartfulloflovelornityallthatwhile."
"Why,Jo,howcouldI,whenhewassofondofyou?"askedBeth,asinnocentlyasachild."Idolovehimdearly.Heissogoodtome,howcanIhelpIt?
Buthecouldneverbeanythingtomebutmybrother.Ihopehetrulywillbe,sometime."
"Notthroughme,"saidJodecidedly."Amyisleftforhim,andtheywouldsuitexcellently,butIhavenoheartforsuchthings,now.
Idon'tcarewhatbecomesofanybodybutyou,Beth.Youmustgetwell."
"Iwantto,oh,somuch!Itry,buteverydayIlosealittle,andfeelmoresurethatIshallnevergainitback.It'slikethetide,Jo,whenitturns,itgoesslowly,butitcan'tbestopped."
"Itshallbestopped,yourtidemustnotturnsosoon,nineteenistooyoung,Beth.Ican'tletyougo.
I'llworkandprayandfightagainstit.I'llkeepyouinspiteofeverything.
Theremustbeways,itcan'tbetoolate.
Godwon'tbesocruelastotakeyoufromme,"criedpoorJorebelliously,forherspiritwasfarlesspiouslysubmissivethanBeth's.
Simple,sincerepeopleseldomspeakmuchoftheirpiety.
Itshowsitselfinactsratherthaninwords,andhasmoreinfluencethanhomiliesorprotestations.
Bethcouldnotreasonuponorexplainthefaiththatgavehercourageandpatiencetogiveuplife,andcheerfullywaitfordeath.
Likeaconfidingchild,sheaskednoquestions,butlefteverythingtoGodandnature,FatherandMotherofusall,feelingsurethatthey,andtheyonly,couldteachandstrengthenheartandspiritforthislifeandthelifetocome.
ShedidnotrebukeJowithsaintlyspeeches,onlylovedherbetterforherpassionateaffection,andclungmorecloselytothedearhumanlove,fromwhichourFathernevermeansustobeweaned,butthroughwhichHedrawsusclosertoHimself.
Shecouldnotsay,"I'mgladtogo,"forlifewasverysweetforher.
Shecouldonlysobout,"Itrytobewilling,"whilesheheldfasttoJo,asthefirstbitterwaveofthisgreatsorrowbrokeoverthemtogether.
ByandbyBethsaid,withrecoveredserenity,"You'lltellthemthiswhenwegohome?"
"Ithinktheywillseeitwithoutwords,"sighedJo,fornowitseemedtoherthatBethchangedeveryday.
"Perhapsnot.I'veheardthatthepeoplewholovebestareoftenblindesttosuchthings.
Iftheydon'tseeit,youwilltellthemforme.
Idon'twantanysecrets,andit'skindertopreparethem.
MeghasJohnandthebabiestocomforther,butyoumuststandbyFatherandMother,won'tyouJo?"
"IfIcan.But,Beth,Idon'tgiveupyet.I'mgoingtobelievethatitisasickfancy,andnotletyouthinkit'strue."saidJo,tryingtospeakcheerfully.
Bethlayaminutethinking,andthensaidinherquietway,"Idon'tknowhowtoexpressmyself,andshouldn'ttrytoanyonebutyou,becauseIcan'tspeakoutexcepttomyJo.
IonlymeantosaythatIhaveafeelingthatitneverwasintendedIshouldlivelong.I'mnotliketherestofyou.
InevermadeanyplansaboutwhatI'ddowhenIgrewup.
Ineverthoughtofbeingmarried,asyoualldid.
Icouldn'tseemtoimaginemyselfanythingbutstupidlittleBeth,trottingaboutathome,ofnouseanywherebutthere.
Ineverwantedtogoaway,andthehardpartnowistheleavingyouall.
I'mnotafraid,butitseemsasifIshouldbehomesickforyoueveninheaven."
Jocouldnotspeak,andforseveralminutestherewasnosoundbutthesighofthewindandthelappingofthetide.
Awhite–wingedgullflewby,withtheflashofsunshineonitssilverybreast.
Bethwatchedittillitvanished,andhereyeswerefullofsadness.
Alittlegray–coatedsandbirdcametrippingoverthebeach'peeping'softlytoitself,asifenjoyingthesunandsea.
ItcamequiteclosetoBeth,andlookedatherwithafriendlyeyeandsatuponawarmstone,dressingitswetfeathers,quiteathome.
Bethsmiledandfeltcomforted,forthetinythingseemedtoofferitssmallfriendshipandremindherthatapleasantworldwasstilltobeenjoyed.
"Dearlittlebird!See,Jo,howtameitis.Ilikepeepsbetterthanthegulls.
Theyarenotsowildandhandsome,buttheyseemhappy,confidinglittlethings.
Iusedtocallthemmybirdslastsummer,andMothersaidtheyremindedherofme––busy,quaker–coloredcreatures,alwaysneartheshore,andalwayschirpingthatcontentedlittlesongoftheirs.
Youarethegull,Jo,strongandwild,fondofthestormandthewind,flyingfarouttosea,andhappyallalone.
Megistheturtledove,andAmyislikethelarkshewritesabout,tryingtogetupamongtheclouds,butalwaysdroppingdownintoitsnestagain.Dearlittlegirl!
She'ssoambitious,butherheartisgoodandtender,andnomatterhowhighsheflies,sheneverwillforgethome.
IhopeIshallseeheragain,butsheseemssofaraway."
"Sheiscominginthespring,andImeanthatyoushallbeallreadytoseeandenjoyher.
I'mgoingtohaveyouwellandrosybythattime,"beganJo,feelingthatofallthechangesinBeth,thetalkingchangewasthegreatest,foritseemedtocostnoeffortnow,andshethoughtaloudinawayquiteunlikebashfulBeth.
"Jo,dear,don'thopeanymore.Itwon'tdoanygood.I'msureofthat.
Wewon'tbemiserable,butenjoybeingtogetherwhilewewait.
We'llhavehappytimes,forIdon'tsuffermuch,andIthinkthetidewillgoouteasily,ifyouhelpme."
Joleaneddowntokissthetranquilface,andwiththatsilentkiss,shededicatedherselfsoulandbodytoBeth.
Shewasright.Therewasnoneedofanywordswhentheygothome,forFatherandMothersawplainlynowwhattheyhadprayedtobesavedfromseeing.
Tiredwithhershortjourney,Bethwentatoncetobed,sayinghowgladshewastobehome,andwhenJowentdown,shefoundthatshewouldbesparedthehardtaskoftellingBeth'ssecret.
Herfatherstoodleaninghisheadonthemantelpieceanddidnotturnasshecamein,buthermotherstretchedoutherarmsasifforhelp,andJowenttocomfortherwithoutaword.
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