English
ThefirstnightshespentinheratticwasathingSaraneverforgot.
Duringitspassingshelivedthroughawild,unchildlikewoeofwhichsheneverspoketoanyoneabouther.
Therewasnoonewhowouldhaveunderstood.
Itwas,indeed,wellforherthatasshelayawakeinthedarknesshermindwasforciblydistracted,nowandthen,bythestrangenessofhersurroundings.
Itwas,perhaps,wellforherthatshewasremindedbyhersmallbodyofmaterialthings.
Ifthishadnotbeenso,theanguishofheryoungmindmighthavebeentoogreatforachildtobear.
But,really,whilethenightwaspassingshescarcelyknewthatshehadabodyatallorrememberedanyotherthingthanone.
“Mypapaisdead!”shekeptwhisperingtoherself.“Mypapaisdead!”
Itwasnotuntillongafterwardthatsherealizedthatherbedhadbeensohardthatsheturnedoverandoverinittofindaplacetorest,thatthedarknessseemedmoreintensethananyshehadeverknown,andthatthewindhowledovertheroofamongthechimneyslikesomethingwhichwailedaloud.Thentherewassomethingworse.
Thiswascertainscufflingsandscratchingsandsqueakingsinthewallsandbehindtheskirtingboards.
Sheknewwhattheymeant,becauseBeckyhaddescribedthem.
Theymeantratsandmicewhowereeitherfightingwitheachotherorplayingtogether.
Onceortwicesheevenheardsharp-toedfeetscurryingacrossthefloor,andsherememberedinthoseafterdays,whensherecalledthings,thatwhenfirstsheheardthemshestartedupinbedandsattrembling,andwhenshelaydownagaincoveredherheadwiththebedclothes.
Thechangeinherlifedidnotcomeaboutgradually,butwasmadeallatonce.
“Shemustbeginassheistogoon,”MissMinchinsaidtoMissAmelia.“Shemustbetaughtatoncewhatsheistoexpect.”
Mariettehadleftthehousethenextmorning.
TheglimpseSaracaughtofhersittingroom,asshepasseditsopendoor,showedherthateverythinghadbeenchanged.
Herornamentsandluxurieshadbeenremoved,andabedhadbeenplacedinacornertotransformitintoanewpupil’sbedroom.
WhenshewentdowntobreakfastshesawthatherseatatMissMinchin’ssidewasoccupiedbyLavinia,andMissMinchinspoketohercoldly.
“Youwillbeginyournewduties,Sara,”shesaid,“bytakingyourseatwiththeyoungerchildrenatasmallertable.
Youmustkeepthemquiet,andseethattheybehavewellanddonotwastetheirfood.Yououghttohavebeendownearlier.Lottiehasalreadyupsethertea.”
Thatwasthebeginning,andfromdaytodaythedutiesgiventoherwereaddedto.
ShetaughttheyoungerchildrenFrenchandheardtheirotherlessons,andtheseweretheleastofherlabors.
Itwasfoundthatshecouldbemadeuseofinnumberlessdirections.
Shecouldbesentonerrandsatanytimeandinallweathers.
Shecouldbetoldtodothingsotherpeopleneglected.
ThecookandthehousemaidstooktheirtonefromMissMinchin,andratherenjoyedorderingaboutthe“youngone”whohadbeenmadesomuchfussoverforsolong.
Theywerenotservantsofthebestclass,andhadneithergoodmannersnorgoodtempers,anditwasfrequentlyconvenienttohaveathandsomeoneonwhomblamecouldbelaid.
Duringthefirstmonthortwo,Sarathoughtthatherwillingnesstodothingsaswellasshecould,andhersilenceunderreproof,mightsoftenthosewhodrovehersohard.
Inherproudlittleheartshewantedthemtoseethatshewastryingtoearnherlivingandnotacceptingcharity.
Butthetimecamewhenshesawthatnoonewassoftenedatall;andthemorewillingshewastodoasshewastold,themoredomineeringandexactingcarelesshousemaidsbecame,andthemorereadyascoldingcookwastoblameher.
Ifshehadbeenolder,MissMinchinwouldhavegivenherthebiggergirlstoteachandsavedmoneybydismissinganinstructress;butwhilesheremainedandlookedlikeachild,shecouldbemademoreusefulasasortoflittlesuperiorerrandgirlandmaidofallwork.
Anordinaryerrandboywouldnothavebeensocleverandreliable.
Saracouldbetrustedwithdifficultcommissionsandcomplicatedmessages.
Shecouldevengoandpaybills,andshecombinedwiththistheabilitytodustaroomwellandtosetthingsinorder.
Herownlessonsbecamethingsofthepast.
Shewastaughtnothing,andonlyafterlongandbusydaysspentinrunninghereandthereateverybody’sorderswasshegrudginglyallowedtogointothedesertedschoolroom,withapileofoldbooks,andstudyaloneatnight.
“IfIdonotremindmyselfofthethingsIhavelearned,perhapsImayforgetthem,”shesaidtoherself.
“Iamalmostascullerymaid,andifIamascullerymaidwhoknowsnothing,IshallbelikepoorBecky.
IwonderifIcouldquiteforgetandbegintodropmyH’SandnotrememberthatHenrytheEighthhadsixwives.”
Oneofthemostcuriousthingsinhernewexistencewasherchangedpositionamongthepupils.
Insteadofbeingasortofsmallroyalpersonageamongthem,shenolongerseemedtobeoneoftheirnumberatall.
Shewaskeptsoconstantlyatworkthatshescarcelyeverhadanopportunityofspeakingtoanyofthem,andshecouldnotavoidseeingthatMissMinchinpreferredthatsheshouldlivealifeapartfromthatoftheoccupantsoftheschoolroom.
“Iwillnothaveherformingintimaciesandtalkingtotheotherchildren,”thatladysaid.
“Girlslikeagrievance,andifshebeginstotellromanticstoriesaboutherself,shewillbecomeanill-usedheroine,andparentswillbegivenawrongimpression.
Itisbetterthatsheshouldliveaseparatelife—onesuitedtohercircumstances.
Iamgivingherahome,andthatismorethanshehasanyrighttoexpectfromme.”
Saradidnotexpectmuch,andwasfartooproudtotrytocontinuetobeintimatewithgirlswhoevidentlyfeltratherawkwardanduncertainabouther.
ThefactwasthatMissMinchin’spupilswereasetofdull,matter-of-factyoungpeople.
Theywereaccustomedtobeingrichandcomfortable,andasSara’sfrocksgrewshorterandshabbierandqueerer-looking,anditbecameanestablishedfactthatsheworeshoeswithholesinthemandwassentouttobuygroceriesandcarrythemthroughthestreetsinabasketonherarmwhenthecookwantedtheminahurry,theyfeltratherasif,whentheyspoketoher,theywereaddressinganunderservant.
“Tothinkthatshewasthegirlwiththediamondmines,Laviniacommented.“Shedoeslookanobject.Andshe’squeererthanever.
Ineverlikedhermuch,butIcan’tbearthatwayshehasnowoflookingatpeoplewithoutspeaking—justasifshewasfindingthemout.”
“Iam,”saidSara,promptly,whensheheardofthis.“That’swhatIlookatsomepeoplefor.Iliketoknowaboutthem.Ithinkthemoverafterward.”
ThetruthwasthatshehadsavedherselfannoyanceseveraltimesbykeepinghereyeonLavinia,whowasquitereadytomakemischief,andwouldhavebeenratherpleasedtohavemadeitfortheex-showpupil.
Saranevermadeanymischiefherself,orinterferedwithanyone.
Sheworkedlikeadrudge;shetrampedthroughthewetstreets,carryingparcelsandbaskets;shelaboredwiththechildishinattentionofthelittleones’Frenchlessons;asshebecameshabbierandmoreforlorn-looking,shewastoldthatshehadbettertakehermealsdownstairs;shewastreatedasifshewasnobody’sconcern,andherheartgrewproudandsore,butshenevertoldanyonewhatshefelt.
“Soldiersdon’tcomplain,”shewouldsaybetweenhersmall,shutteeth,“Iamnotgoingtodoit;Iwillpretendthisispartofawar.”
Buttherewerehourswhenherchildheartmightalmosthavebrokenwithlonelinessbutforthreepeople.
Thefirst,itmustbeowned,wasBecky—justBecky.
Throughoutallthatfirstnightspentinthegarret,shehadfeltavaguecomfortinknowingthatontheothersideofthewallinwhichtheratsscuffledandsqueakedtherewasanotheryounghumancreature.
Andduringthenightsthatfollowedthesenseofcomfortgrew.
Theyhadlittlechancetospeaktoeachotherduringtheday.
Eachhadherowntaskstoperform,andanyattemptatconversationwouldhavebeenregardedasatendencytoloiterandlosetime.
“Don’tmindme,miss,”Beckywhisperedduringthefirstmorning,“ifIdon’tsaynothin’polite.Someun’dbedownonusifIdid.
Imeans`please’an’`thankyou’an’`begpardon,’butIdassn’ttotaketimetosayit.”
ButbeforedaybreaksheusedtoslipintoSara’satticandbuttonherdressandgivehersuchhelpassherequiredbeforeshewentdownstairstolightthekitchenfire.
AndwhennightcameSaraalwaysheardthehumbleknockatherdoorwhichmeantthatherhandmaidwasreadytohelpheragainifshewasneeded.
DuringthefirstweeksofhergriefSarafeltasifsheweretoostupefiedtotalk,soithappenedthatsometimepassedbeforetheysaweachothermuchorexchangedvisits.
Becky’shearttoldherthatitwasbestthatpeopleintroubleshouldbeleftalone.
ThesecondofthetrioofcomforterswasErmengarde,butoddthingshappenedbeforeErmengardefoundherplace.
WhenSara’smindseemedtoawakenagaintothelifeabouther,sherealizedthatshehadforgottenthatanErmengardelivedintheworld.
Thetwohadalwaysbeenfriends,butSarahadfeltasifshewereyearstheolder.
ItcouldnotbecontestedthatErmengardewasasdullasshewasaffectionate.
SheclungtoSarainasimple,helplessway;shebroughtherlessonstoherthatshemightbehelped;shelistenedtohereverywordandbesiegedherwithrequestsforstories.
Butshehadnothinginterestingtosayherself,andsheloathedbooksofeverydescription.
Shewas,infact,notapersononewouldrememberwhenonewascaughtinthestormofagreattrouble,andSaraforgother.
Ithadbeenalltheeasiertoforgetherbecauseshehadbeensuddenlycalledhomeforafewweeks.
WhenshecamebackshedidnotseeSaraforadayortwo,andwhenshemetherforthefirsttimesheencounteredhercomingdownacorridorwithherarmsfullofgarmentswhichweretobetakendownstairstobemended.
Saraherselfhadalreadybeentaughttomendthem.
Shelookedpaleandunlikeherself,andshewasattiredinthequeer,outgrownfrockwhoseshortnessshowedsomuchthinblackleg.
Ermengardewastooslowagirltobeequaltosuchasituation.Shecouldnotthinkofanythingtosay.
Sheknewwhathadhappened,but,somehow,shehadneverimaginedSaracouldlooklikethis—sooddandpoorandalmostlikeaservant.
Itmadeherquitemiserable,andshecoulddonothingbutbreakintoashorthystericallaughandexclaim—aimlesslyandasifwithoutanymeaning,“Oh,Sara,isthatyou?”
“Yes,”answeredSara,andsuddenlyastrangethoughtpassedthroughhermindandmadeherfaceflush.
Sheheldthepileofgarmentsinherarms,andherchinresteduponthetopofittokeepitsteady.
Somethinginthelookofherstraight-gazingeyesmadeErmengardeloseherwitsstillmore.
ShefeltasifSarahadchangedintoanewkindofgirl,andshehadneverknownherbefore.
PerhapsitwasbecauseshehadsuddenlygrownpoorandhadtomendthingsandworklikeBecky.
“Oh,”shestammered.“How—howareyou?”
“Idon’tknow,”Sarareplied.“Howareyou?”
“I’m—I’mquitewell,”saidErmengarde,overwhelmedwithshyness.Thenspasmodicallyshethoughtofsomethingtosaywhichseemedmoreintimate.“Areyou—areyouveryunhappy?”shesaidinarush.
ThenSarawasguiltyofaninjustice.Justatthatmomenthertornheartswelledwithinher,andshefeltthatifanyonewasasstupidasthat,onehadbettergetawayfromher.
“Whatdoyouthink?”shesaid.“DoyouthinkIamveryhappy?”Andshemarchedpastherwithoutanotherword.
Incourseoftimesherealizedthatifherwretchednesshadnotmadeherforgetthings,shewouldhaveknownthatpoor,dullErmengardewasnottobeblamedforherunready,awkwardways.
Shewasalwaysawkward,andthemoreshefelt,themorestupidshewasgiventobeing.
Butthesuddenthoughtwhichhadflasheduponherhadmadeherover-sensitive.
“Sheisliketheothers,”shehadthought.“Shedoesnotreallywanttotalktome.Sheknowsnoonedoes.”
Soforseveralweeksabarrierstoodbetweenthem.
WhentheymetbychanceSaralookedtheotherway,andErmengardefelttoostiffandembarrassedtospeak.
Sometimestheynoddedtoeachotherinpassing,butthereweretimeswhentheydidnotevenexchangeagreeting.
“Ifshewouldrathernottalktome,”Sarathought,“Iwillkeepoutofherway.MissMinchinmakesthateasyenough.”
MissMinchinmadeitsoeasythatatlasttheyscarcelysaweachotheratall.
AtthattimeitwasnoticedthatErmengardewasmorestupidthanever,andthatshelookedlistlessandunhappy.
Sheusedtositinthewindow-seat,huddledinaheap,andstareoutofthewindowwithoutspeaking.
OnceJessie,whowaspassing,stoppedtolookathercuriously.
“Whatareyoucryingfor,Ermengarde?”sheasked.
“I’mnotcrying,”answeredErmengarde,inamuffled,unsteadyvoice.
“Youare,”saidJessie.“Agreatbigtearjustrolleddownthebridgeofyournoseanddroppedoffattheendofit.Andtheregoesanother.”
“Well,”saidErmengarde,“I’mmiserable—andnooneneedinterfere.”Andsheturnedherplumpbackandtookoutherhandkerchiefandboldlyhidherfaceinit.
Thatnight,whenSarawenttoherattic,shewaslaterthanusual.
Shehadbeenkeptatworkuntilafterthehouratwhichthepupilswenttobed,andafterthatshehadgonetoherlessonsinthelonelyschoolroom.
Whenshereachedthetopofthestairs,shewassurprisedtoseeaglimmeroflightcomingfromundertheatticdoor.
“Nobodygoestherebutmyself,”shethoughtquickly,“butsomeonehaslightedacandle.”
Someonehad,indeed,lightedacandle,anditwasnotburninginthekitchencandlestickshewasexpectedtouse,butinoneofthosebelongingtothepupils’bedrooms.
Thesomeonewassittinguponthebatteredfootstool,andwasdressedinhernightgownandwrappedupinaredshawl.ItwasErmengarde.
“Ermengarde!”criedSara.Shewassostartledthatshewasalmostfrightened.“Youwillgetintotrouble.”
Ermengardestumbledupfromherfootstool.Sheshuffledacrosstheatticinherbedroomslippers,whichweretoolargeforher.Hereyesandnosewerepinkwithcrying.
“IknowIshall—ifI’mfoundout.”shesaid.“ButIdon’tcare—Idon’tcareabit.Oh,Sara,pleasetellme.Whatisthematter?Whydon’tyoulikemeanymore?”
SomethinginhervoicemadethefamiliarlumpriseinSara’sthroat.
Itwassoaffectionateandsimple—soliketheoldErmengardewhohadaskedhertobe“bestfriends.”
Itsoundedasifshehadnotmeantwhatshehadseemedtomeanduringthesepastweeks.
“Idolikeyou,”Saraanswered.“Ithought—yousee,everythingisdifferentnow.Ithoughtyou—weredifferent.
Ermengardeopenedherweteyeswide.
“Why,itwasyouwhoweredifferent!”shecried.“Youdidn’twanttotalktome.Ididn’tknowwhattodo.ItwasyouwhoweredifferentafterIcameback.”
Sarathoughtamoment.Shesawshehadmadeamistake.
“Iamdifferent,”sheexplained,“thoughnotinthewayyouthink.
MissMinchindoesnotwantmetotalktothegirls.Mostofthemdon’twanttotalktome.Ithought—perhaps—youdidn’t.SoItriedtokeepoutofyourway.”
“Oh,Sara,”Ermengardealmostwailedinherreproachfuldismay.
Andthenafteronemorelooktheyrushedintoeachother’sarms.
ItmustbeconfessedthatSara’ssmallblackheadlayforsomeminutesontheshouldercoveredbytheredshawl.
WhenErmengardehadseemedtodeserther,shehadfelthorriblylonely.
Afterwardtheysatdownuponthefloortogether,Saraclaspingherkneeswithherarms,andErmengarderolledupinhershawl.Ermengardelookedattheodd,big-eyedlittlefaceadoringly.
“Icouldn’tbearitanymore,”shesaid.
“Idaresayyoucouldlivewithoutme,Sara;butIcouldn’tlivewithoutyou.Iwasnearlydead.
Sotonight,whenIwascryingunderthebedclothes,Ithoughtallatonceofcreepinguphereandjustbeggingyoutoletusbefriendsagain.”
“YouarenicerthanIam,”saidSara.“Iwastooproudtotryandmakefriends.
Yousee,nowthattrialshavecome,theyhaveshownthatIamnotanicechild.Iwasafraidtheywould.
Perhaps”—wrinklingherforeheadwisely—”thatiswhattheyweresentfor.”
“Idon’tseeanygoodinthem,”saidErmengardestoutly.
“NeitherdoI—tospeakthetruth,”admittedSara,frankly.“ButIsupposetheremightbegoodinthings,evenifwedon’tseeit.Theremight”—doubtfully—”BegoodinMissMinchin.”
Ermengardelookedroundtheatticwitharatherfearsomecuriosity.
“Sara,”shesaid,“doyouthinkyoucanbearlivinghere?”
Saralookedroundalso.
“IfIpretendit’squitedifferent,Ican,”sheanswered;“orifIpretenditisaplaceinastory.”
Shespokeslowly.Herimaginationwasbeginningtoworkforher.Ithadnotworkedforheratallsincehertroubleshadcomeuponher.Shehadfeltasifithadbeenstunned.
“Otherpeoplehavelivedinworseplaces.ThinkoftheCountofMonteCristointhedungeonsoftheChateaud’If.AndthinkofthepeopleintheBastille!”
“TheBastille,”halfwhisperedErmengarde,watchingherandbeginningtobefascinated.
SherememberedstoriesoftheFrenchRevolutionwhichSarahadbeenabletofixinhermindbyherdramaticrelationofthem.NoonebutSaracouldhavedoneit.
Awell-knownglowcameintoSara’seyes.
“Yes,”shesaid,huggingherknees,“thatwillbeagoodplacetopretendabout.IamaprisonerintheBastille.
Ihavebeenhereforyearsandyears—andyears;andeverybodyhasforgottenaboutme.
MissMinchinisthejailer—andBecky”—asuddenlightaddingitselftotheglowinhereyes—”Beckyistheprisonerinthenextcell.”
SheturnedtoErmengarde,lookingquiteliketheoldSara.
“Ishallpretendthat,”shesaid;“anditwillbeagreatcomfort.”
Ermengardewasatonceenrapturedandawed.
“Andwillyoutellmeallaboutit?”shesaid.
“MayIcreepuphereatnight,wheneveritissafe,andhearthethingsyouhavemadeupintheday?
Itwillseemasifweweremore`bestfriends’thanever.”
“Yes,”answeredSara,nodding.“Adversitytriespeople,andminehastriedyouandprovedhowniceyouare.”
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