English
ONCEuponatime,onanuninhabitedislandontheshoresoftheRedSea,therelivedaParseefromwhosehattheraysofthesunwerereflectedinmore-than-orientalsplendour.
AndtheParseelivedbytheRedSeawithnothingbuthishatandhisknifeandacooking-stoveofthekindthatyoumustparticularlynevertouch.
Andonedayhetookflourandwaterandcurrantsandplumsandsugarandthings,andmadehimselfonecakewhichwastwofeetacrossandthreefeetthick.
ItwasindeedaSuperiorComestible(that’smagic),andheputitonstovebecausehewasallowedtocookonthestove,andhebakeditandhebakedittillitwasalldonebrownandsmeltmostsentimental.
ButjustashewasgoingtoeatittherecamedowntothebeachfromtheAltogetherUninhabitedInterioroneRhinoceroswithahornonhisnose,twopiggyeyes,andfewmanners.
InthosedaystheRhinoceros’sskinfittedhimquitetight.Therewerenowrinklesinitanywhere.
HelookedexactlylikeaNoah’sArkRhinoceros,butofcoursemuchbigger.
Allthesame,hehadnomannersthen,andhehasnomannersnow,andheneverwillhaveanymanners.Hesaid,‘How!’
andtheParseeleftthatcakeandclimbedtothetopofapalmtreewithnothingonbuthishat,fromwhichtheraysofthesunwerealwaysreflectedinmore-than-orientalsplendour.
AndtheRhinocerosupsettheoil-stovewithhisnose,andthecakerolledonthesand,andhespikedthatcakeonthehornofhisnose,andheateit,andhewentaway,wavinghistail,tothedesolateandExclusivelyUninhabitedInteriorwhichabutsontheislandsofMazanderan,Socotra,andPromontoriesoftheLargerEquinox.
ThentheParseecamedownfromhispalm-treeandputthestoveonitslegsandrecitedthefollowingSloka,which,asyouhavenotheard,Iwillnowproceedtorelate:—
Themthattakescakes
WhichtheParsee-manbakes
Makesdreadfulmistakes.
Andtherewasagreatdealmoreinthatthanyouwouldthink.
Because,fiveweekslater,therewasaheatwaveintheRedSea,andeverybodytookoffalltheclothestheyhad.
TheParseetookoffhishat;buttheRhinocerostookoffhisskinandcarrieditoverhisshoulderashecamedowntothebeachtobathe.
Inthosedaysitbuttonedunderneathwiththreebuttonsandlookedlikeawaterproof.
HesaidnothingwhateverabouttheParsee’scake,becausehehadeatenitall;andheneverhadanymanners,then,since,orhenceforward.
Hewaddledstraightintothewaterandblewbubblesthroughhisnose,leavinghisskinonthebeach.
PresentlytheParseecamebyandfoundtheskin,andhesmiledonesmilethatranallroundhisfacetwotimes.
Thenhedancedthreetimesroundtheskinandrubbedhishands.
Thenhewenttohiscampandfilledhishatwithcake-crumbs,fortheParseeneverateanythingbutcake,andneversweptouthiscamp.
Hetookthatskin,andheshookthatskin,andhescrubbedthatskin,andherubbedthatskinjustasfullofold,dry,stale,ticklycake-crumbsandsomeburnedcurrantsaseveritcouldpossiblyhold.
Thenheclimbedtothetopofhispalm-treeandwaitedfortheRhinocerostocomeoutofthewaterandputiton.
AndtheRhinocerosdid.Hebuttoneditupwiththethreebuttons,andittickledlikecakecrumbsinbed.
Thenhewantedtoscratch,butthatmadeitworse;andthenhelaydownonthesandsandrolledandrolledandrolled,andeverytimeherolledthecakecrumbstickledhimworseandworseandworse.
Thenherantothepalm-treeandrubbedandrubbedandrubbedhimselfagainstit.
Herubbedsomuchandsohardthatherubbedhisskinintoagreatfoldoverhisshoulders,andanotherfoldunderneath,wherethebuttonsusedtobe(butherubbedthebuttonsoff),andherubbedsomemorefoldsoverhislegs.
Anditspoiledhistemper,butitdidn’tmaketheleastdifferencetothecake-crumbs.
Theywereinsidehisskinandtheytickled.
Sohewenthome,veryangryindeedandhorriblyscratchy;andfromthatdaytothiseveryrhinoceroshasgreatfoldsinhisskinandaverybadtemper,allonaccountofthecake-crumbsinside.
ButtheParseecamedownfromhispalm-tree,wearinghishat,fromwhichtheraysofthesunwerereflectedinmore-than-orientalsplendour,packeduphiscooking-stove,andwentawayinthedirectionofOrotavo,Amygdala,theUplandMeadowsofAnantarivo,andtheMarshesofSonaput.
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