English
Forelevenyears,IhadnotseenJoenorBiddywithmybodilyeyes-thoughtheyhadbothbeenoftenbeforemyfancyintheEast-when,uponaneveninginDecember,anhourortwoafterdark,Ilaidmyhandsoftlyonthelatchoftheoldkitchendoor.
ItoucheditsosoftlythatIwasnotheard,andlookedinunseen.
There,smokinghispipeintheoldplacebythekitchenfirelight,ashaleandasstrongaseverthoughalittlegrey,satJoe;andthere,fencedintothecornerwithJoe’sleg,andsittingonmyownlittlestoollookingatthefire,was—Iagain!
“Wegiv’himthenameofPipforyoursake,dearoldchap,”saidJoe,delightedwhenItookanotherstoolbythechild’sside(butIdidnotrumplehishair),“andwehopedhemightgrowalittlebitlikeyou,andwethinkhedo.”
Ithoughtsotoo,andItookhimoutforawalknextmorning,andwetalkedimmensely,understandingoneanothertoperfection.
AndItookhimdowntothechurchyard,andsethimonacertaintombstonethere,andheshowedmefromthatelevationwhichstonewassacredtothememoryofPhilipPirrip,lateofthisParish,andAlsoGeorgiana,WifeoftheAbove.
“Biddy,”saidI,whenItalkedwithherafterdinner,asherlittlegirllaysleepinginherlap,“youmustgivePiptome,oneofthesedays;orlendhim,atallevents.”
“No,no,”saidBiddy,gently.“Youmustmarry.”
“SoHerbertandClarasay,butIdon’tthinkIshall,Biddy.Ihavesosettleddownintheirhome,thatit’snotatalllikely.Iamalreadyquiteanoldbachelor.”
Biddylookeddownatherchild,andputitslittlehandtoherlips,andthenputthegoodmatronlyhandwithwhichshehadtouchedit,intomine.
TherewassomethingintheactionandinthelightpressureofBiddy’swedding-ring,thathadaveryprettyeloquenceinit.
“DearPip,”saidBiddy,“youaresureyoudon’tfretforher?”
“Ono—Ithinknot,Biddy.”
“Tellmeasanold,oldfriend.Haveyouquiteforgottenher?
“MydearBiddy,Ihaveforgottennothinginmylifethateverhadaforemostplacethere,andlittlethateverhadanyplacethere.
Butthatpoordream,asIonceusedtocallit,hasallgoneby,Biddy,allgoneby!”
Nevertheless,IknewwhileIsaidthosewords,thatIsecretlyintendedtorevisitthesiteoftheoldhousethatevening,alone,forhersake.Yesevenso.ForEstella’ssake.
Ihadheardofherasleadingamostunhappylife,andasbeingseparatedfromherhusband,whohadusedherwithgreatcruelty,andwhohadbecomequiterenownedasacompoundofpride,avarice,brutality,andmeanness.
AndIhadheardofthedeathofherhusband,fromanaccidentconsequentonhisill-treatmentofahorse.
Thisreleasehadbefallenhersometwoyearsbefore;foranythingIknew,shewasmarriedagain.
Theearlydinner-houratJoe’s,leftmeabundanceoftime,withouthurryingmytalkwithBiddy,towalkovertotheoldspotbeforedark.
But,whatwithloiteringontheway,tolookatoldobjectsandtothinkofoldtimes,thedayhadquitedeclinedwhenIcametotheplace.
Therewasnohousenow,nobrewery,nobuildingwhateverleft,butthewalloftheoldgarden.
Theclearedspacehadbeenenclosedwitharoughfence,and,lookingoverit,Isawthatsomeoftheoldivyhadstruckrootanew,andwasgrowinggreenonlowquietmoundsofruin.
Agateinthefencestandingajar,Ipusheditopen,andwentin.
Acoldsilverymisthadveiledtheafternoon,andthemoonwasnotyetuptoscatterit.
But,thestarswereshiningbeyondthemist,andthemoonwascoming,andtheeveningwasnotdark.
Icouldtraceoutwhereeverypartoftheoldhousehadbeen,andwherethebreweryhadbeen,andwherethegate,andwherethecasks.
Ihaddoneso,andwaslookingalongthedesolategardenwalk,whenIbeheldasolitaryfigureinit.
Thefigureshoweditselfawareofme,asIadvanced.
Ithadbeenmovingtowardsme,butitstoodstill.
AsIdrewnearer,Isawittobethefigureofawoman.
AsIdrewneareryet,itwasabouttoturnaway,whenitstopped,andletmecomeupwithit.
Then,itfalteredasifmuchsurprised,andutteredmyname,andIcriedout:
“Estella!”
“Iamgreatlychanged.Iwonderyouknowme.”
Thefreshnessofherbeautywasindeedgone,butitsindescribablemajestyanditsindescribablecharmremained.
Thoseattractionsinit,Ihadseenbefore;whatIhadneverseenbefore,wasthesaddenedsoftenedlightoftheonceproudeyes;whatIhadneverfeltbefore,wasthefriendlytouchoftheonceinsensiblehand.
Wesatdownonabenchthatwasnear,andIsaid,“Aftersomanyyears,itisstrangethatweshouldthusmeetagain,Estella,herewhereourfirstmeetingwas!Doyouoftencomeback?”
“Ihaveneverbeenheresince.”
“NorI.”
Themoonbegantorise,andIthoughtoftheplacidlookatthewhiteceiling,whichhadpassedaway.
Themoonbegantorise,andIthoughtofthepressureonmyhandwhenIhadspokenthelastwordshehadheardonearth.
Estellawasthenexttobreakthesilencethatensuedbetweenus.
“Ihaveveryoftenhopedandintendedtocomeback,buthavebeenpreventedbymanycircumstances.Poor,pooroldplace!”
Thesilverymistwastouchedwiththefirstraysofthemoonlight,andthesameraystouchedthetearsthatdroppedfromhereyes.
NotknowingthatIsawthem,andsettingherselftogetthebetterofthem,shesaidquietly:
“Wereyouwondering,asyouwalkedalong,howitcametobeleftinthiscondition?”
“Yes,Estella.”
“Thegroundbelongstome.ItistheonlypossessionIhavenotrelinquished.
Everythingelsehasgonefromme,littlebylittle,butIhavekeptthis.
ItwasthesubjectoftheonlydeterminedresistanceImadeinallthewretchedyears.”
“Isittobebuilton?”
“Atlastitis.Icameheretotakeleaveofitbeforeitschange.Andyou,”shesaid,inavoiceoftouchinginteresttoawanderer,“youliveabroadstill?”
“Still.”
“Anddowell,Iamsure?”
“Iworkprettyhardforasufficientliving,andtherefore—Yes,Idowell.”
“Ihaveoftenthoughtofyou,”saidEstella.
“Haveyou?”
“Oflate,veryoften.TherewasalonghardtimewhenIkeptfarfromme,theremembrance,ofwhatIhadthrownawaywhenIwasquiteignorantofitsworth.
But,sincemydutyhasnotbeenincompatiblewiththeadmissionofthatremembrance,Ihavegivenitaplaceinmyheart.”
“Youhavealwaysheldyourplaceinmyheart,”Ianswered.
Andweweresilentagain,untilshespoke.
“Ilittlethought,”saidEstella,“thatIshouldtakeleaveofyouintakingleaveofthisspot.Iamverygladtodoso.”
“Gladtopartagain,Estella?Tome,partingisapainfulthing.Tome,theremembranceofourlastpartinghasbeenevermournfulandpainful.”
“Butyousaidtome,”returnedEstella,veryearnestly,‘Godblessyou,Godforgiveyou!’
Andifyoucouldsaythattomethen,youwillnothesitatetosaythattomenow—now,whensufferinghasbeenstrongerthanallotherteaching,andhastaughtmetounderstandwhatyourheartusedtobe.
Ihavebeenbentandbroken,but—Ihope—intoabettershape.
Beasconsiderateandgoodtomeasyouwere,andtellmewearefriends.”
“Wearefriends,”saidI,risingandbendingoverher,assherosefromthebench.
“Andwillcontinuefriendsapart,”saidEstella.
Itookherhandinmine,andwewentoutoftheruinedplace;and,asthemorningmistshadrisenlongagowhenIfirstlefttheforge,so,theeveningmistswererisingnow,andinallthebroadexpanseoftranquillighttheyshowedtome,Isawnoshadowofanotherpartingfromher.
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