English
NowthatIwasleftwhollytomyself,IgavenoticeofmyintentiontoquitthechambersintheTempleassoonasmytenancycouldlegallydetermine,andinthemeanwhiletounderletthem.
AtonceIputbillsupinthewindows;for,Iwasindebt,andhadscarcelyanymoney,andbegantobeseriouslyalarmedbythestateofmyaffairs.
IoughtrathertowritethatIshouldhavebeenalarmedifIhadhadenergyandconcentrationenoughtohelpmetotheclearperceptionofanytruthbeyondthefactthatIwasfallingveryill.
Thelatestressuponmehadenabledmetoputoffillness,butnottoputitaway;Iknewthatitwascomingonmenow,andIknewverylittleelse,andwasevencarelessastothat.
Foradayortwo,Ilayonthesofa,oronthefloor—anywhere,accordingasIhappenedtosinkdown—withaheavyheadandachinglimbs,andnopurpose,andnopower.
Thentherecameonenightwhichappearedofgreatduration,andwhichteemedwithanxietyandhorror;andwheninthemorningItriedtositupinmybedandthinkofit,IfoundIcouldnotdoso.
WhetherIreallyhadbeendowninGardenCourtinthedeadofthenight,gropingaboutfortheboatthatIsupposedtobethere;whetherIhadtwoorthreetimescometomyselfonthestaircasewithgreatterror,notknowinghowIhadgotoutofbed;whetherIhadfoundmyselflightingthelamp,possessedbytheideathathewascomingupthestairs,andthatthelightswereblownout;whetherIhadbeeninexpressiblyharassedbythedistractedtalking,laughing,andgroaning,ofsomeone,andhadhalfsuspectedthosesoundstobeofmyownmaking;whethertherehadbeenaclosedironfurnaceinadarkcorneroftheroom,andavoicehadcalledoutoverandoveragainthatMissHavishamwasconsumingwithinit;thesewerethingsthatItriedtosettlewithmyselfandgetintosomeorder,asIlaythatmorningonmybed.
But,thevapourofalimekilnwouldcomebetweenmeandthem,disorderingthemall,anditwasthroughthevapouratlastthatIsawtwomenlookingatme.
“Whatdoyouwant?”Iasked,starting;“Idon’tknowyou.”
“Well,sir,”returnedoneofthem,bendingdownandtouchingmeontheshoulder,“thisisamatterthatyou’llsoonarrange,Idaresay,butyou’rearrested.”
“Whatisthedebt?”
“Hundredandtwenty-threepound,fifteen,six.Jeweller’saccount,Ithink.”
“Whatistobedone?”
“Youhadbettercometomyhouse,”saidtheman.“Ikeepaverynicehouse.”
Imadesomeattempttogetupanddressmyself.WhenInextattendedtothem,theywerestandingalittleofffromthebed,lookingatme.Istilllaythere.
“Youseemystate,”saidI.“IwouldcomewithyouifIcould;butindeedIamquiteunable.Ifyoutakemefromhere,IthinkIshalldiebytheway.”
Perhapstheyreplied,orarguedthepoint,ortriedtoencouragemetobelievethatIwasbetterthanIthought.
Forasmuchastheyhanginmymemorybyonlythisoneslenderthread,Idon’tknowwhattheydid,exceptthattheyforboretoremoveme.
ThatIhadafeverandwasavoided,thatIsufferedgreatly,thatIoftenlostmyreason,thatthetimeseemedinterminable,thatIconfoundedimpossibleexistenceswithmyownidentity;thatIwasabrickinthehousewall,andyetentreatingtobereleasedfromthegiddyplacewherethebuildershadsetme;thatIwasasteelbeamofavastengine,clashingandwhirlingoveragulf,andyetthatIimploredinmyownpersontohavetheenginestopped,andmypartinithammeredoff;thatIpassedthroughthesephasesofdisease,Iknowofmyownremembrance,anddidinsomesortknowatthetime.
ThatIsometimesstruggledwithrealpeople,inthebeliefthattheyweremurderers,andthatIwouldallatoncecomprehendthattheymeanttodomegood,andwouldthensinkexhaustedintheirarms,andsufferthemtolaymedown,Ialsoknewatthetime.
But,aboveall,Iknewthattherewasaconstanttendencyinallthesepeople—who,whenIwasveryill,wouldpresentallkindsofextraordinarytransformationsofthehumanface,andwouldbemuchdilatedinsize—aboveall,Isay,Iknewthattherewasanextraordinarytendencyinallthesepeople,soonerorlatertosettledownintothelikenessofJoe.
AfterIhadturnedtheworstpointofmyillness,Ibegantonoticethatwhileallitsotherfeatureschanged,thisoneconsistentfeaturedidnotchange.
Whoevercameaboutme,stillsettleddownintoJoe.
Iopenedmyeyesinthenight,andIsawinthegreatchairatthebedside,Joe.
Iopenedmyeyesintheday,and,sittingonthewindow-seat,smokinghispipeintheshadedopenwindow,stillIsawJoe.
Iaskedforcoolingdrink,andthedearhandthatgaveitmewasJoe’s.
Isankbackonmypillowafterdrinking,andthefacethatlookedsohopefullyandtenderlyuponmewasthefaceofJoe.
Atlast,oneday,Itookcourage,andsaid,“IsitJoe?”
Andthedearoldhome-voiceanswered,“Whichitair,oldchap.”
“OJoe,youbreakmyheart!Lookangryatme,Joe.Strikeme,Joe.Tellmeofmyingratitude.Don’tbesogoodtome!”
For,Joehadactuallylaidhisheaddownonthepillowatmysideandputhisarmroundmyneck,inhisjoythatIknewhim.
“WhichdearoldPip,oldchap,”saidJoe,“youandmewaseverfriends.Andwhenyou’rewellenoughtogooutforaride—whatlarks!”
Afterwhich,Joewithdrewtothewindow,andstoodwithhisbacktowardsme,wipinghiseyes.
Andasmyextremeweaknesspreventedmefromgettingupandgoingtohim,Ilaythere,penitentlywhispering,“OGodblesshim!OGodblessthisgentleChristianman!”
Joe’seyeswereredwhenInextfoundhimbesideme;but,Iwasholdinghishand,andwebothfelthappy.
“Howlong,dearJoe?”
“Whichyoumeantersay,Pip,howlonghaveyourillnesslasted,dearoldchap?”
“Yes,Joe.”
“It’stheendofMay,Pip.To-morrowisthefirstofJune.”
“Andhaveyoubeenhereallthattime,dearJoe?”
“Prettynigh,oldchap.For,asIsaystoBiddywhenthenewsofyourbeingillwerebroughtbyletter,whichitwerebroughtbythepostandbeingformerlysingleheisnowmarriedthoughunderpaidforadealofwalkingandshoe-leather,butwealthwerenotaobjectonhispart,andmarriagewerethegreatwishofhishart—”
“Itissodelightfultohearyou,Joe!ButIinterruptyouinwhatyousaidtoBiddy.”
“Whichitwere,”saidJoe,“thathowyoumightbeamongststrangers,andthathowyouandmehavingbeeneverfriends,awisitatsuchamomentmightnotproveunacceptabobble.
AndBiddy,herwordwere,‘Gotohim,withoutlossoftime.’
That,”saidJoe,summingupwithhisjudicialair,“werethewordofBiddy.
‘Gotohim,’Biddysay,‘withoutlossoftime.’
Inshort,Ishouldn’tgreatlydeceiveyou,”Joeadded,afteralittlegravereflection,“ifIrepresentedtoyouthatthewordofthatyoungwomanwere,‘withoutaminute’slossoftime.’”
ThereJoecuthimselfshort,andinformedmethatIwastobetalkedtoingreatmoderation,andthatIwastotakealittlenourishmentatstatedfrequenttimes,whetherIfeltinclinedforitornot,andthatIwastosubmitmyselftoallhisorders.
So,Ikissedhishand,andlayquiet,whileheproceededtoinditeanotetoBiddy,withmyloveinit.
Evidently,BiddyhadtaughtJoetowrite.
AsIlayinbedlookingathim,itmademe,inmyweakstate,cryagainwithpleasuretoseethepridewithwhichhesetabouthisletter.
Mybedstead,divestedofitscurtains,hadbeenremoved,withmeuponit,intothesittingroom,astheairiestandlargest,andthecarpethadbeentakenaway,andtheroomkeptalwaysfreshandwholesomenightandday.
Atmyownwriting-table,pushedintoacornerandcumberedwithlittlebottles,Joenowsatdowntohisgreatwork,firstchoosingapenfromthepen-trayasifitwereachestoflargetools,andtuckinguphissleevesasifheweregoingtowieldacrowbarorsledgehammer.
ItwasnecessaryforJoetoholdonheavilytothetablewithhisleftelbow,andtogethisrightlegwelloutbehindhim,beforehecouldbegin,andwhenhedidbegin,hemadeeverydown-strokesoslowlythatitmighthavebeensixfeetlong,whileateveryup-strokeIcouldhearhispensplutteringextensively.
Hehadacuriousideathattheinkstandwasonthesideofhimwhereitwasnot,andconstantlydippedhispenintospace,andseemedquitesatisfiedwiththeresult.
Occasionally,hewastrippedupbysomeorthographicalstumbling-block,butonthewholehegotonverywellindeed,andwhenhehadsignedhisname,andhadremovedafinishingblotfromthepapertothecrownofhisheadwithhistwoforefingers,hegotupandhoveredaboutthetable,tryingtheeffectofhisperformancefromvariouspointsofviewasitlaythere,withunboundedsatisfaction.
NottomakeJoeuneasybytalkingtoomuch,evenifIhadbeenabletotalkmuch,IdeferredaskinghimaboutMissHavishamuntilnextday.
HeshookhisheadwhenIthenaskedhimifshehadrecovered.
“Isshedead,Joe?”
“Whyyousee,oldchap,”saidJoe,inatoneofremonstrance,andbywayofgettingatitbydegrees,“Iwouldn’tgosofarastosaythat,forthat’sadealtosay;butsheain’t—”
“Living,Joe?”
“That’snigherwhereitis,”saidJoe;“sheain’tliving.”
“Didshelingerlong,Joe?”
“Arteryouwastookill,prettymuchaboutwhatyoumightcall(ifyouwasputtoit)aweek,”saidJoe;stilldetermined,onmyaccount,tocomeateverythingbydegrees.
“DearJoe,haveyouheardwhatbecomesofherproperty?”
“Well,oldchap,”saidJoe,“itdoappearthatshehadsettledthemostofit,whichImeantersaytieditup,onMissEstella.
Butshehadwroteoutalittlecoddleshellinherownhandadayortwoaforetheaccident,leavingacoolfourthousandtoMr.MatthewPocket.
Andwhy,doyousuppose,aboveallthings,Pip,sheleftthatcoolfourthousanduntohim?
‘BecauseofPip’saccountofhimthesaidMatthew.’
IamtoldbyBiddy,thatairthewriting,”saidJoe,repeatingthelegalturnasifitdidhiminfinitegood,‘accountofhimthesaidMatthew.’Andacoolfourthousand,Pip!”
IneverdiscoveredfromwhomJoederivedtheconventionaltemperatureofthefourthousandpounds,butitappearedtomakethesumofmoneymoretohim,andhehadamanifestrelishininsistingonitsbeingcool.
Thisaccountgavemegreatjoy,asitperfectedtheonlygoodthingIhaddone.IaskedJoewhetherhehadheardifanyoftheotherrelationshadanylegacies?
“MissSarah,”saidJoe,“shehavetwenty-fivepoundperanniumfurtobuypills,onaccountofbeingbilious.
MissGeorgiana,shehavetwentypounddown.
Mrs.—what’sthenameofthemwildbeastswithhumps,oldchap?”
“Camels?”saidI,wonderingwhyhecouldpossiblywanttoknow.
Joenodded.“Mrs.Camels,”bywhichIpresentlyunderstoodhemeantCamilla,“shehavefivepoundfurtobuyrushlightstoputherinspiritswhenshewakeupinthenight.”
Theaccuracyoftheserecitalswassufficientlyobvioustome,togivemegreatconfidenceinJoe’sinformation.
“Andnow,”saidJoe,“youain’tthatstrongyet,oldchap,thatyoucantakeinmorenoroneadditionalshovel-fullto-day.
OldOrlickhe’sbeenabustin’openadwelling-ouse.”
“Whose?”saidI.
“Not,Igrant,you,butwhathismannersisgiventoblusterous,”saidJoe,apologetically;“still,aEnglishman’souseishisCastle,andcastlesmustnotbebusted‘ceptwhendoneinwartime.
Andwotsume’erthefailingsonhispart,hewereacornandseedsmaninhishart.”
“IsitPumblechook’shousethathasbeenbrokeninto,then?”
“That’sit,Pip,”saidJoe;“andtheytookhistill,andtheytookhiscash-box,andtheydrinkedhiswine,andtheypartookofhiswittles,andtheyslappedhisface,andtheypulledhisnose,andtheytiedhimuptohisbedpust,andtheygiv’himadozen,andtheystuffedhismouthfulloffloweringannualstoprewenthiscryingout.
ButheknowedOrlick,andOrlick’sinthecountyjail.”
Bytheseapproacheswearrivedatunrestrictedconversation.Iwasslowtogainstrength,butIdidslowlyandsurelybecomelessweak,andJoestayedwithme,andIfanciedIwaslittlePipagain.
For,thetendernessofJoewassobeautifullyproportionedtomyneed,thatIwaslikeachildinhishands.
Hewouldsitandtalktomeintheoldconfidence,andwiththeoldsimplicity,andintheoldunassertiveprotectingway,sothatIwouldhalfbelievethatallmylifesincethedaysoftheoldkitchenwasoneofthementaltroublesofthefeverthatwasgone.
Hedideverythingformeexceptthehouseholdwork,forwhichhehadengagedaverydecentwoman,afterpayingoffthelaundressonhisfirstarrival.
“WhichIdoassureyou,Pip,”hewouldoftensay,inexplanationofthatliberty;“Ifoundheratappingthesparebed,likeacaskofbeer,anddrawingoffthefeathersinabucket,forsale.
Whichshewouldhavetappedyournnext,anddraw’ditoffwithyoualayingonit,andwasthenacarryingawaythecoalsgradiwallyinthesouptureenandwegetable-dishes,andthewineandspiritsinyourWellingtonboots.”
WelookedforwardtothedaywhenIshouldgooutforaride,aswehadoncelookedforwardtothedayofmyapprenticeship.
Andwhenthedaycame,andanopencarriagewasgotintotheLane,Joewrappedmeup,tookmeinhisarms,carriedmedowntoit,andputmein,asifIwerestillthesmallhelplesscreaturetowhomhehadsoabundantlygivenofthewealthofhisgreatnature.
AndJoegotinbesideme,andwedroveawaytogetherintothecountry,wheretherichsummergrowthwasalreadyonthetreesandonthegrass,andsweetsummerscentsfilledalltheair.
ThedayhappenedtobeSunday,andwhenIlookedonthelovelinessaroundme,andthoughthowithadgrownandchanged,andhowthelittlewildflowershadbeenforming,andthevoicesofthebirdshadbeenstrengthening,bydayandbynight,underthesunandunderthestars,whilepoorIlayburningandtossingonmybed,themereremembranceofhavingburnedandtossedthere,camelikeacheckuponmypeace.
But,whenIheardtheSundaybells,andlookedaroundalittlemoreupontheoutspreadbeauty,IfeltthatIwasnotnearlythankfulenough—thatIwastooweakyet,tobeeventhat—andIlaidmyheadonJoe’sshoulder,asIhadlaiditlongagowhenhehadtakenmetotheFairorwherenot,anditwastoomuchformyyoungsenses.
Morecomposurecametomeafterawhile,andwetalkedasweusedtotalk,lyingonthegrassattheoldBattery.TherewasnochangewhateverinJoe.
Exactlywhathehadbeeninmyeyesthen,hewasinmyeyesstill;justassimplyfaithful,andassimplyright.
Whenwegotbackagainandheliftedmeout,andcarriedme—soeasily—acrossthecourtandupthestairs,IthoughtofthateventfulChristmasDaywhenhehadcarriedmeoverthemarshes.
Wehadnotyetmadeanyallusiontomychangeoffortune,nordidIknowhowmuchofmylatehistoryhewasacquaintedwith.
Iwassodoubtfulofmyselfnow,andputsomuchtrustinhim,thatIcouldnotsatisfymyselfwhetherIoughttorefertoitwhenhedidnot.
“Haveyouheard,Joe,”Iaskedhimthatevening,uponfurtherconsideration,ashesmokedhispipeatthewindow,“whomypatronwas?”
“Iheerd,”returnedJoe,“asitwerenotMissHavisham,oldchap.”
“Didyouhearwhoitwas,Joe?”
“Well!Iheerdasitwereapersonwhatsentthepersonwhatgiv’youthebank-notesattheJollyBargemen,Pip.”
“Soitwas.”
“Astonishing!”saidJoe,intheplacidestway.
“Didyouhearthathewasdead,Joe?”Ipresentlyasked,withincreasingdiffidence.
“Which?Himassentthebank-notes,Pip?”
“Yes.”
“Ithink,”saidJoe,aftermeditatingalongtime,andlookingratherevasivelyatthewindow-seat,“asIdidheartellthathowheweresomethingoranotherinageneralwayinthatdirection.”
“Didyouhearanythingofhiscircumstances,Joe?”
“Notpartickler,Pip.”
“Ifyouwouldliketohear,Joe—”Iwasbeginning,whenJoegotupandcametomysofa.
“Lookeehere,oldchap,”saidJoe,bendingoverme.“Everthebestoffriends;ain’tus,Pip?”
Iwasashamedtoanswerhim.
“Werygood,then,”saidJoe,asifIhadanswered;“that’sallright,that’sagreedupon.
Thenwhygointosubjects,oldchap,whichasbetwixttwosechmustbeforeveronnecessary?
There’ssubjectsenoughasbetwixttwosech,withoutonnecessaryones.Lord!
TothinkofyourpoorsisterandherRampages!Anddon’tyourememberTickler?”
“Idoindeed,Joe.”
“Lookeehere,oldchap,”saidJoe.“IdonewhatIcouldtokeepyouandTicklerinsunders,butmypowerwerenotalwaysfullyequaltomyinclinations.
Forwhenyourpoorsisterhadamindtodropintoyou,itwerenotsomuch,”saidJoe,inhisfavouriteargumentativeway,“thatshedroppedintometoo,ifIputmyselfinoppositiontoherbutthatshedroppedintoyoualwaysheavierforit.Inoticedthat.
Itain’tagrabataman’swhisker,notyetashakeortwoofaman(towhichyoursisterwasquitewelcome),that‘udputamanofffromgettingalittlechildoutofpunishment.
Butwhenthatlittlechildisdroppedinto,heavier,forthatgrabofwhiskerorshaking,thenthatmannaterallyupandsaystohimself,‘Whereisthegoodasyouarea-doing?
IgrantyouIseethe‘arm,’saystheman,‘butIdon’tseethegood.
Icalluponyou,sir,therefore,topintoutthegood.’”
“Themansays?”Iobserved,asJoewaitedformetospeak.
“Themansays,”Joeassented.“Isheright,thatman?”
“DearJoe,heisalwaysright.”
“Well,oldchap,”saidJoe,“thenabidebyyourwords.
Ifhe’salwaysright(whichingeneralhe’smorelikelywrong),he’srightwhenhesaysthis:—Supposingeveryoukepanylittlemattertoyourself,whenyouwasalittlechild,youkepitmostlybecauseyouknow’dasJ.Gargery’spowertopartyouandTicklerinsunders,werenotfullyequaltohisinclinations.
Therefore,thinknomoreofitasbetwixttwosech,anddonotletuspassremarksupononnecessarysubjects.
Biddygiv’herselfadealo’troublewithmeaforeIleft(forIamalmostawfuldull),asIshouldviewitinthislight,and,viewingitinthislight,asIshouldsoputit.
Bothofwhich,”saidJoe,quitecharmedwithhislogicalarrangement,“beingdone,nowthistoyouatruefriend,say.Namely.
Youmustn’tgoa-over-doingonit,butyoumusthaveyoursupperandyourwine-and-water,andyoumustbeputbetwixtthesheets.”
ThedelicacywithwhichJoedismissedthistheme,andthesweettactandkindnesswithwhichBiddy—whowithherwoman’swithadfoundmeoutsosoon—hadpreparedhimforit,madeadeepimpressiononmymind.
ButwhetherJoeknewhowpoorIwas,andhowmygreatexpectationshadalldissolved,likeourownmarshmistsbeforethesun,Icouldnotunderstand.
AnotherthinginJoethatIcouldnotunderstandwhenitfirstbegantodevelopitself,butwhichIsoonarrivedatasorrowfulcomprehensionof,wasthis:AsIbecamestrongerandbetter,Joebecamealittlelesseasywithme.
Inmyweaknessandentiredependenceonhim,thedearfellowhadfallenintotheoldtone,andcalledmebytheoldnames,thedear“oldPip,oldchap,”thatnowweremusicinmyears.
Itoohadfallenintotheoldways,onlyhappyandthankfulthatheletme.
But,imperceptibly,thoughIheldbythemfast,Joe’sholduponthembegantoslacken;andwhereasIwonderedatthis,atfirst,Isoonbegantounderstandthatthecauseofitwasinme,andthatthefaultofitwasallmine.
Ah!HadIgivenJoenoreasontodoubtmyconstancy,andtothinkthatinprosperityIshouldgrowcoldtohimandcasthimoff?
HadIgivenJoe’sinnocentheartnocausetofeelinstinctivelythatasIgotstronger,hisholduponmewouldbeweaker,andthathehadbetterloosenitintimeandletmego,beforeIpluckedmyselfaway?
ItwasonthethirdorfourthoccasionofmygoingoutwalkingintheTempleGardensleaningonJoe’sarm,thatIsawthischangeinhimveryplainly.
Wehadbeensittinginthebrightwarmsunlight,lookingattheriver,andIchancedtosayaswegotup:
“See,Joe!Icanwalkquitestrongly.Now,youshallseemewalkbackbymyself.”
“Whichdonotover-doit,Pip,”saidJoe;“butIshallbehappyfurtoseeyouable,sir.”
Thelastwordgratedonme;buthowcouldIremonstrate!
Iwalkednofurtherthanthegateofthegardens,andthenpretendedtobeweakerthanIwas,andaskedJoeforhisarm.Joegaveitme,butwasthoughtful.
I,formypart,wasthoughtfultoo;for,howbesttocheckthisgrowingchangeinJoe,wasagreatperplexitytomyremorsefulthoughts.
ThatIwasashamedtotellhimexactlyhowIwasplaced,andwhatIhadcomedownto,Idonotseektoconceal;but,Ihopemyreluctancewasnotquiteanunworthyone.
Hewouldwanttohelpmeoutofhislittlesavings,Iknew,andIknewthatheoughtnottohelpme,andthatImustnotsufferhimtodoit.
Itwasathoughtfuleveningwithbothofus.
But,beforewewenttobed,IhadresolvedthatIwouldwaitoverto-morrow,to-morrowbeingSunday,andwouldbeginmynewcoursewiththenewweek.
OnMondaymorningIwouldspeaktoJoeaboutthischange,Iwouldlayasidethislastvestigeofreserve,IwouldtellhimwhatIhadinmythoughts(thatSecondly,notyetarrivedat),andwhyIhadnotdecidedtogoouttoHerbert,andthenthechangewouldbeconqueredforever.
AsIcleared,Joecleared,anditseemedasthoughhehadsympatheticallyarrivedataresolutiontoo.
WehadaquietdayontheSunday,andwerodeoutintothecountry,andthenwalkedinthefields.
“IfeelthankfulthatIhavebeenill,Joe,”Isaid.
“DearoldPip,oldchap,you’rea’mostcomeround,sir.”
“Ithasbeenamemorabletimeforme,Joe.”
“Likewaysformyself,sir,”Joereturned.
“Wehavehadatimetogether,Joe,thatIcanneverforget.Thereweredaysonce,Iknow,thatIdidforawhileforget;butInevershallforgetthese.”
“Pip,”saidJoe,appearingalittlehurriedandtroubled,“therehasbeenlarks,And,dearsir,whathavebeenbetwixtus—havebeen.”
Atnight,whenIhadgonetobed,Joecameintomyroom,ashehaddoneallthroughmyrecovery.HeaskedmeifIfeltsurethatIwasaswellasinthemorning?
“Yes,dearJoe,quite.”
“Andarealwaysa-gettingstronger,oldchap?”
“Yes,dearJoe,steadily.”
Joepattedthecoverletonmyshoulderwithhisgreatgoodhand,andsaid,inwhatIthoughtahuskyvoice,“Goodnight!”
WhenIgotupinthemorning,refreshedandstrongeryet,IwasfullofmyresolutiontotellJoeall,withoutdelay.Iwouldtellhimbeforebreakfast.
Iwoulddressatonceandgotohisroomandsurprisehim;for,itwasthefirstdayIhadbeenupearly.
Iwenttohisroom,andhewasnotthere.
Notonlywashenotthere,buthisboxwasgone.
Ihurriedthentothebreakfast-table,andonitfoundaletter.Thesewereitsbriefcontents.
“NotwishfultointrudeIhavedeparturedfuryouarewellagaindearPipandwilldobetterwithoutJO.
“P.S.Everthebestoffriends.”
Enclosedintheletter,wasareceiptforthedebtandcostsonwhichIhadbeenarrested.
DowntothatmomentIhadvainlysupposedthatmycreditorhadwithdrawnorsuspendedproceedingsuntilIshouldbequiterecovered.
IhadneverdreamedofJoe’shavingpaidthemoney;but,Joehadpaidit,andthereceiptwasinhisname.
Whatremainedformenow,buttofollowhimtothedearoldforge,andtheretohaveoutmydisclosuretohim,andmypenitentremonstrancewithhim,andtheretorelievemymindandheartofthatreservedSecondly,whichhadbegunasavaguesomethinglingeringinmythoughts,andhadformedintoasettledpurpose?
Thepurposewas,thatIwouldgotoBiddy,thatIwouldshowherhowhumbledandrepentantIcameback,thatIwouldtellherhowIhadlostallIoncehopedfor,thatIwouldremindherofouroldconfidencesinmyfirstunhappytime.
Then,Iwouldsaytoher,“Biddy,Ithinkyouoncelikedmeverywell,whenmyerrantheart,evenwhileitstrayedawayfromyou,wasquieterandbetterwithyouthaniteverhasbeensince.
Ifyoucanlikemeonlyhalfaswelloncemore,ifyoucantakemewithallmyfaultsanddisappointmentsonmyhead,ifyoucanreceivemelikeaforgivenchild(andindeedIamassorry,Biddy,andhaveasmuchneedofahushingvoiceandasoothinghand),IhopeIamalittleworthierofyouthatIwas—notmuch,butalittle.
And,Biddy,itshallrestwithyoutosaywhetherIshallworkattheforgewithJoe,orwhetherIshalltryforanydifferentoccupationdowninthiscountry,orwhetherweshallgoawaytoadistantplacewhereanopportunityawaitsme,whichIsetasidewhenitwasoffered,untilIknewyouranswer.
Andnow,dearBiddy,ifyoucantellmethatyouwillgothroughtheworldwithme,youwillsurelymakeitabetterworldforme,andmeabettermanforit,andIwilltryhardtomakeitabetterworldforyou.”
Suchwasmypurpose.Afterthreedaysmoreofrecovery,Iwentdowntotheoldplace,toputitinexecution;andhowIspedinit,isallIhavelefttotell.
Share this article to
FINISH