English
WhyshouldIpausetoaskhowmuchofmyshrinkingfromProvismightbetracedtoEstella?
WhyshouldIloiteronmyroad,tocomparethestateofmindinwhichIhadtriedtoridmyselfofthestainoftheprisonbeforemeetingheratthecoach-office,withthestateofmindinwhichInowreflectedontheabyssbetweenEstellainherprideandbeauty,andthereturnedtransportwhomIharboured?
Theroadwouldbenonethesmootherforit,theendwouldbenonethebetterforit,hewouldnotbehelped,norIextenuated.
Anewfearhadbeenengenderedinmymindbyhisnarrative;orrather,hisnarrativehadgivenformandpurposetothefearthatwasalreadythere.
IfCompeysonwerealiveandshoulddiscoverhisreturn,Icouldhardlydoubttheconsequence.
That,Compeysonstoodinmortalfearofhim,neitherofthetwocouldknowmuchbetterthanI;andthat,anysuchmanasthatmanhadbeendescribedtobe,wouldhesitatetoreleasehimselfforgoodfromadreadedenemybythesafemeansofbecominganinformer,wasscarcelytobeimagined.
NeverhadIbreathed,andneverwouldIbreathe—orsoIresolved—awordofEstellatoProvis.
But,IsaidtoHerbertthatbeforeIcouldgoabroad,ImustseebothEstellaandMissHavisham.
ThiswaswhenwewereleftaloneonthenightofthedaywhenProvistoldushisstory.
IresolvedtogoouttoRichmondnextday,andIwent.
OnmypresentingmyselfatMrs.Brandley’s,Estella’smaidwascalledtotellthatEstellahadgoneintothecountry.Where?ToSatisHouse,asusual.
Notasusual,Isaid,forshehadneveryetgonetherewithoutme;whenwasshecomingback?
Therewasanairofreservationintheanswerwhichincreasedmyperplexity,andtheanswerwas,thathermaidbelievedshewasonlycomingbackatallforalittlewhile.
Icouldmakenothingofthis,exceptthatitwasmeantthatIshouldmakenothingofit,andIwenthomeagainincompletediscomfiture.
Anothernight-consultationwithHerbertafterProviswasgonehome(Ialwaystookhimhome,andalwayslookedwellaboutme),ledustotheconclusionthatnothingshouldbesaidaboutgoingabroaduntilIcamebackfromMissHavisham’s.
Inthemeantime,HerbertandIweretoconsiderseparatelywhatitwouldbebesttosay;whetherweshoulddeviseanypretenceofbeingafraidthathewasundersuspiciousobservation;orwhetherI,whohadneveryetbeenabroad,shouldproposeanexpedition.
WebothknewthatIhadbuttoproposeanything,andhewouldconsent.
Weagreedthathisremainingmanydaysinhispresenthazardwasnottobethoughtof.
Nextday,IhadthemeannesstofeignthatIwasunderabindingpromisetogodowntoJoe;butIwascapableofalmostanymeannesstowardsJoeorhisname.
ProviswastobestrictlycarefulwhileIwasgone,andHerbertwastotakethechargeofhimthatIhadtaken.
Iwastobeabsentonlyonenight,and,onmyreturn,thegratificationofhisimpatienceformystartingasagentlemanonagreaterscale,wastobebegun.
Itoccurredtomethen,andasIafterwardsfoundtoHerbertalso,thathemightbebestgotawayacrossthewater,onthatpretence—as,tomakepurchases,orthelike.
HavingthusclearedthewayformyexpeditiontoMissHavisham’s,Isetoffbytheearlymorningcoachbeforeitwasyetlight,andwasoutontheopencountry-roadwhenthedaycamecreepingon,haltingandwhimperingandshivering,andwrappedinpatchesofcloudandragsofmist,likeabeggar.
WhenwedroveuptotheBlueBoarafteradrizzlyride,whomshouldIseecomeoutunderthegateway,toothpickinhand,tolookatthecoach,butBentleyDrummle!
Ashepretendednottoseeme,Ipretendednottoseehim.
Itwasaverylamepretenceonbothsides;thelamer,becausewebothwentintothecoffee-room,wherehehadjustfinishedhisbreakfast,andwhereIorderedmine.
Itwaspoisonoustometoseehiminthetown,forIverywellknewwhyhehadcomethere.
Pretendingtoreadasmearynewspaperlongoutofdate,whichhadnothinghalfsolegibleinitslocalnews,astheforeignmatterofcoffee,pickles,fish-sauces,gravy,meltedbutter,andwine,withwhichitwassprinkledallover,asifithadtakenthemeaslesinahighlyirregularform,Isatatmytablewhilehestoodbeforethefire.
Bydegreesitbecameanenormousinjurytomethathestoodbeforethefire,andIgotup,determinedtohavemyshareofit.
IhadtoputmyhandbehindhislegsforthepokerwhenIwentuptothefire-placetostirthefire,butstillpretendednottoknowhim.
“Isthisacut?”saidMr.Drummle.
“Oh!”saidI,pokerinhand;“it’syou,isit?Howdoyoudo?Iwaswonderingwhoitwas,whokeptthefireoff.”
Withthat,Ipokedtremendously,andhavingdoneso,plantedmyselfsidebysidewithMr.Drummle,myshoulderssquaredandmybacktothefire.
“Youhavejustcomedown?”saidMr.Drummle,edgingmealittleawaywithhisshoulder.
“Yes,”saidI,edginghimalittleawaywithmyshoulder.
“Beastlyplace,”saidDrummle.—”Yourpartofthecountry,Ithink?”
“Yes,”Iassented.“Iamtoldit’sverylikeyourShropshire.”
“Notintheleastlikeit,”saidDrummle.
HereMr.Drummlelookedathisboots,andIlookedatmine,andthenMr.Drummlelookedatmyboots,andIlookedathis.
“Haveyoubeenherelong?”Iasked,determinednottoyieldaninchofthefire.
“Longenoughtobetiredofit,”returnedDrummle,pretendingtoyawn,butequallydetermined.
“Doyoustayherelong?”
“Can’tsay,”answeredMr.Drummle.“Doyou?”
“Can’tsay,”saidI.
Ifelthere,throughatinglinginmyblood,thatifMr.Drummle’sshoulderhadclaimedanotherhair’sbreadthofroom,Ishouldhavejerkedhimintothewindow;equally,thatifmyownshoulderhadurgedasimilarclaim,Mr.Drummlewouldhavejerkedmeintothenearestbox.Hewhistledalittle.SodidI.
“Largetractofmarshesabouthere,Ibelieve?”saidDrummle.
“Yes.Whatofthat?”saidI.
Mr.Drummlelookedatme,andthenatmyboots,andthensaid,“Oh!”andlaughed.
“Areyouamused,Mr.Drummle?”
“No,”saidhe,“notparticularly.Iamgoingoutforarideinthesaddle.
Imeantoexplorethosemarshesforamusement.
Out-of-the-wayvillagesthere,theytellme.
Curiouslittlepublic-houses—andsmithies—andthat.Waiter!”
“Yes,sir.”
“Isthathorseofmineready?”
“Broughtroundtothedoor,sir.”
“Isay.Lookhere,yousir.Theladywon’trideto-day;theweatherwon’tdo.”
“Verygood,sir.”
“AndIdon’tdine,becauseI’mgoingtodineatthelady’s.”
“Verygood,sir.”
Then,Drummleglancedatme,withaninsolenttriumphonhisgreat-jowledfacethatcutmetotheheart,dullashewas,andsoexasperatedme,thatIfeltinclinedtotakehiminmyarms(astherobberinthestory-bookissaidtohavetakentheoldlady),andseathimonthefire.
Onethingwasmanifesttobothofus,andthatwas,thatuntilreliefcame,neitherofuscouldrelinquishthefire.
Therewestood,wellsquaredupbeforeit,shouldertoshoulderandfoottofoot,withourhandsbehindus,notbudginganinch.
Thehorsewasvisibleoutsideinthedrizzleatthedoor,mybreakfastwasputonthetable,Drummle’swasclearedaway,thewaiterinvitedmetobegin,Inodded,webothstoodourground.
“HaveyoubeentotheGrovesince?”saidDrummle.
“No,”saidI,“IhadquiteenoughoftheFinchesthelasttimeIwasthere.”
“Wasthatwhenwehadadifferenceofopinion?”
“Yes,”Ireplied,veryshortly.
“Come,come!Theyletyouoffeasilyenough,”sneeredDrummle.“Youshouldn’thavelostyourtemper.”
“Mr.Drummle,”saidI,“youarenotcompetenttogiveadviceonthatsubject.WhenIlosemytemper(notthatIadmithavingdonesoonthatoccasion),Idon’tthrowglasses.”
“Ido,”saidDrummle.
Afterglancingathimonceortwice,inanincreasedstateofsmoulderingferocity,Isaid:
“Mr.Drummle,Ididnotseekthisconversation,andIdon’tthinkitanagreeableone.”
“Iamsureit’snot,”saidhe,superciliouslyoverhisshoulder;“Idon’tthinkanythingaboutit.”
“Andtherefore,”Iwenton,“withyourleave,Iwillsuggestthatweholdnokindofcommunicationinfuture.”
“Quitemyopinion,”saidDrummle,“andwhatIshouldhavesuggestedmyself,ordone—morelikely—withoutsuggesting.Butdon’tloseyourtemper.Haven’tyoulostenoughwithoutthat?”
“Whatdoyoumean,sir?”
“Wai-ter!,”saidDrummle,bywayofansweringme.
Thewaiterreappeared.
“Lookhere,yousir.Youquiteunderstandthattheyoungladydon’trideto-day,andthatIdineattheyounglady’s?”
“Quiteso,sir!”
Whenthewaiterhadfeltmyfastcoolingtea-potwiththepalmofhishand,andhadlookedimploringlyatme,andhadgoneout,Drummle,carefulnottomovetheshouldernextme,tookacigarfromhispocketandbittheendoff,butshowednosignofstirring.
ChokingandboilingasIwas,Ifeltthatwecouldnotgoawordfurther,withoutintroducingEstella’sname,whichIcouldnotenduretohearhimutter;andthereforeIlookedstonilyattheoppositewall,asiftherewerenoonepresent,andforcedmyselftosilence.
Howlongwemighthaveremainedinthisridiculouspositionitisimpossibletosay,butfortheincursionofthreethrivingfarmers—ledonbythewaiter,Ithink—whocameintothecoffee-roomunbuttoningtheirgreat-coatsandrubbingtheirhands,andbeforewhom,astheychargedatthefire,wewereobligedtogiveway.
Isawhimthroughthewindow,seizinghishorse’smane,andmountinginhisblunderingbrutalmanner,andsidlingandbackingaway.
Ithoughthewasgone,whenhecameback,callingforalightforthecigarinhismouth,whichhehadforgotten.
Amaninadustcoloureddressappearedwithwhatwaswanted—Icouldnothavesaidfromwhere:whetherfromtheinnyard,orthestreet,orwherenot—andasDrummleleaneddownfromthesaddleandlightedhiscigarandlaughed,withajerkofhisheadtowardsthecoffee-roomwindows,theslouchingshouldersandraggedhairofthisman,whosebackwastowardsme,remindedmeofOrlick.
Tooheavilyoutofsortstocaremuchatthetimewhetheritwereheorno,orafteralltotouchthebreakfast,Iwashedtheweatherandthejourneyfrommyfaceandhands,andwentouttothememorableoldhousethatitwouldhavebeensomuchthebetterformenevertohaveentered,nevertohaveseen.
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