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InvainshouldIattempttodescribetheastonishmentanddisquietofHerbert,whenheandIandProvissatdownbeforethefire,andIrecountedthewholeofthesecret.
Enough,thatIsawmyownfeelingsreflectedinHerbert’sface,and,notleastamongthem,myrepugnancetowardsthemanwhohaddonesomuchforme.
Whatwouldalonehavesetadivisionbetweenthatmanandus,iftherehadbeennootherdividingcircumstance,washistriumphinmystory.
Savinghistroublesomesenseofhavingbeen“low’ononeoccasionsincehisreturn—onwhichpointhebegantoholdforthtoHerbert,themomentmyrevelationwasfinished—hehadnoperceptionofthepossibilityofmyfindinganyfaultwithmygoodfortune.
Hisboastthathehadmademeagentleman,andthathehadcometoseemesupportthecharacteronhisampleresources,wasmadeformequiteasmuchasforhimself;andthatitwasahighlyagreeableboasttobothofus,andthatwemustbothbeveryproudofit,wasaconclusionquiteestablishedinhisownmind.
“Though,look’eehere,Pip’scomrade,”hesaidtoHerbert,afterhavingdiscoursedforsometime,“IknowverywellthatoncesinceIcomeback—forhalfaminute—I’vebeenlow.
IsaidtoPip,IknowedasIhadbeenlow.
Butdon’tyoufretyourselfonthatscore.
Iain’tmadePipagentleman,andPipain’ta-goingtomakeyouagentleman,notfurmenottoknowwhat’sduetoyeboth.
Dearboy,andPip’scomrade,youtwomaycountuponmealwayshavingagen-teelmuzzleon.
MuzzledIhavebeensincethathalfaminutewhenIwasbetrayedintolowness,muzzledIamatthepresenttime,muzzledIeverwillbe.”
Herbertsaid,“Certainly,”butlookedasiftherewerenospecificconsolationinthis,andremainedperplexedanddismayed.
Wewereanxiousforthetimewhenhewouldgotohislodging,andleaveustogether,buthewasevidentlyjealousofleavingustogether,andsatlate.
ItwasmidnightbeforeItookhimroundtoEssex-street,andsawhimsafelyinathisowndarkdoor.
Whenitcloseduponhim,IexperiencedthefirstmomentofreliefIhadknownsincethenightofhisarrival.
Neverquitefreefromanuneasyremembranceofthemanonthestairs,Ihadalwayslookedaboutmeintakingmyguestoutafterdark,andinbringinghimback;andIlookedaboutmenow.
Difficultasitisinalargecitytoavoidthesuspicionofbeingwatched,whenthemindisconsciousofdangerinthatregard,Icouldnotpersuademyselfthatanyofthepeoplewithinsightcaredaboutmymovements.
Thefewwhowerepassing,passedontheirseveralways,andthestreetwasemptywhenIturnedbackintotheTemple.
Nobodyhadcomeoutatthegatewithus,nobodywentinatthegatewithme.
AsIcrossedbythefountain,Isawhislightedbackwindowslookingbrightandquiet,and,whenIstoodforafewmomentsinthedoorwayofthebuildingwhereIlived,beforegoingupthestairs,Garden-courtwasasstillandlifelessasthestaircasewaswhenIascendedit.
Herbertreceivedmewithopenarms,andIhadneverfeltbefore,soblessedly,whatitistohaveafriend.
Whenhehadspokensomesoundwordsofsympathyandencouragement,wesatdowntoconsiderthequestion,Whatwastobedone?
ThechairthatProvishadoccupiedstillremainingwhereithadstood—forhehadabarrackwaywithhimofhangingaboutonespot,inoneunsettledmanner,andgoingthroughoneroundofobservanceswithhispipeandhisnegro-headandhisjack-knifeandhispackofcards,andwhatnot,asifitwereallputdownforhimonaslate—Isay,hischairremainingwhereithadstood,Herbertunconsciouslytookit,butnextmomentstartedoutofit,pusheditaway,andtookanother.
Hehadnooccasiontosay,afterthat,thathehadconceivedanaversionformypatron,neitherhadIoccasiontoconfessmyown.
Weinterchangedthatconfidencewithoutshapingasyllable.
“What,”saidItoHerbert,whenhewassafeinanotherchair,“whatistobedone?”
“MypoordearHandel,”hereplied,holdinghishead,“Iamtoostunnedtothink.”
“SowasI,Herbert,whentheblowfirstfell.Still,somethingmustbedone.
Heisintentuponvariousnewexpenses—horses,andcarriages,andlavishappearancesofallkinds.Hemustbestoppedsomehow.”
“Youmeanthatyoucan’taccept—”
“HowcanI?”Iinterposed,asHerbertpaused.“Thinkofhim!Lookathim!”
Aninvoluntaryshudderpassedoverbothofus.
“YetIamafraidthedreadfultruthis,Herbert,thatheisattachedtome,stronglyattachedtome.Wasthereeversuchafate!”
“MypoordearHandel,”Herbertrepeated.
“Then,”saidI,“afterall,stoppingshorthere,nevertakinganotherpennyfromhim,thinkwhatIowehimalready!
Thenagain:Iamheavilyindebt—veryheavilyforme,whohavenownoexpectations—andIhavebeenbredtonocalling,andIamfitfornothing.”
“Well,well,well!”Herbertremonstrated.“Don’tsayfitfornothing.”
“WhatamIfitfor?IknowonlyonethingthatIamfitfor,andthatis,togoforasoldier.
AndImighthavegone,mydearHerbert,butfortheprospectoftakingcounselwithyourfriendshipandaffection.”
OfcourseIbrokedownthere:andofcourseHerbert,beyondseizingawarmgripofmyhand,pretendednottoknowit.
“Anyhow,mydearHandel,”saidhepresently,“soldieringwon’tdo.
Ifyouweretorenouncethispatronageandthesefavours,Isupposeyouwoulddosowithsomefainthopeofonedayrepayingwhatyouhavealreadyhad.
Notverystrong,thathope,ifyouwentsoldiering!Besides,it’sabsurd.
YouwouldbeinfinitelybetterinClarriker’shouse,smallasitis.
Iamworkinguptowardsapartnership,youknow.”
Poorfellow!Helittlesuspectedwithwhosemoney.
“Butthereisanotherquestion,”saidHerbert.
“Thisisanignorantdeterminedman,whohaslonghadonefixedidea.
Morethanthat,heseemstome(Imaymisjudgehim)tobeamanofadesperateandfiercecharacter.”
“Iknowheis,”Ireturned.“LetmetellyouwhatevidenceIhaveseenofit.”AndItoldhimwhatIhadnotmentionedinmynarrative;ofthatencounterwiththeotherconvict.
“See,then,”saidHerbert;“thinkofthis!
Hecomeshereattheperilofhislife,fortherealizationofhisfixedidea.
Inthemomentofrealization,afterallhistoilandwaiting,youcutthegroundfromunderhisfeet,destroyhisidea,andmakehisgainsworthlesstohim.
Doyouseenothingthathemightdo,underthedisappointment?”
“Ihaveseenit,Herbert,anddreamedofit,eversincethefatalnightofhisarrival.Nothinghasbeeninmythoughtssodistinctly,ashisputtinghimselfinthewayofbeingtaken.”
“Thenyoumayrelyuponit,”saidHerbert,“thattherewouldbegreatdangerofhisdoingit.
ThatishispoweroveryouaslongasheremainsinEngland,andthatwouldbehisrecklesscourseifyouforsookhim.”
Iwassostruckbythehorrorofthisidea,whichhadweigheduponmefromthefirst,andtheworkingoutofwhichwouldmakemeregardmyself,insomesort,ashismurderer,thatIcouldnotrestinmychairbutbeganpacingtoandfro.
IsaidtoHerbert,meanwhile,thatevenifProviswererecognizedandtaken,inspiteofhimself,Ishouldbewretchedasthecause,howeverinnocently.
Yes;eventhoughIwassowretchedinhavinghimatlargeandnearme,andeventhoughIwouldfarfarratherhaveworkedattheforgeallthedaysofmylifethanIwouldeverhavecometothis!
Buttherewasnostavingoffthequestion,Whatwastobedone?
“Thefirstandthemainthingtobedone,”saidHerbert,“istogethimoutofEngland.Youwillhavetogowithhim,andthenhemaybeinducedtogo.”
“ButgethimwhereIwill,couldIpreventhiscomingback?”
“MygoodHandel,isitnotobviousthatwithNewgateinthenextstreet,theremustbefargreaterhazardinyourbreakingyourmindtohimandmakinghimreckless,here,thanelsewhere.
Ifapretexttogethimawaycouldbemadeoutofthatotherconvict,oroutofanythingelseinhislife,now.”
“There,again!”saidI,stoppingbeforeHerbert,withmyopenhandsheldout,asiftheycontainedthedesperationofthecase.“Iknownothingofhislife.
Ithasalmostmadememadtosithereofanightandseehimbeforeme,soboundupwithmyfortunesandmisfortunes,andyetsounknowntome,exceptasthemiserablewretchwhoterrifiedmetwodaysinmychildhood!”
Herbertgotup,andlinkedhisarminmine,andweslowlywalkedtoandfrotogether,studyingthecarpet.
“Handel,”saidHerbert,stopping,“youfeelconvincedthatyoucantakenofurtherbenefitsfromhim;doyou?”
“Fully.Surelyyouwould,too,ifyouwereinmyplace?”
“Andyoufeelconvincedthatyoumustbreakwithhim?”
“Herbert,canyouaskme?”
“Andyouhave,andareboundtohave,thattendernessforthelifehehasriskedonyouraccount,thatyoumustsavehim,ifpossible,fromthrowingitaway.
ThenyoumustgethimoutofEnglandbeforeyoustirafingertoextricateyourself.
Thatdone,extricateyourself,inHeaven’sname,andwe’llseeitouttogether,dearoldboy.”
Itwasacomforttoshakehandsuponit,andwalkupanddownagain,withonlythatdone.
“Now,Herbert,”saidI,“withreferencetogainingsomeknowledgeofhishistory.ThereisbutonewaythatIknowof.Imustaskhimpoint-blank.”
“Yes.Askhim,”saidHerbert,“whenwesitatbreakfastinthemorning.”For,hehadsaid,ontakingleaveofHerbert,thathewouldcometobreakfastwithus.
Withthisprojectformed,wewenttobed.
Ihadthewildestdreamsconcerninghim,andwokeunrefreshed;Iwoke,too,torecoverthefearwhichIhadlostinthenight,ofhisbeingfoundoutasareturnedtransport.Waking,Ineverlostthatfear.
Hecameroundattheappointedtime,tookouthisjack-knife,andsatdowntohismeal.
Hewasfullofplans“forhisgentleman’scomingoutstrong,andlikeagentleman,”andurgedmetobeginspeedilyuponthepocket-book,whichhehadleftinmypossession.
Heconsideredthechambersandhisownlodgingastemporaryresidences,andadvisedmetolookoutatoncefora“fashionablecrib’nearHydePark,inwhichhecouldhave“ashake-down’.
Whenhehadmadeanendofhisbreakfast,andwaswipinghisknifeonhisleg,Isaidtohim,withoutawordofpreface:
“Afteryouweregonelastnight,Itoldmyfriendofthestrugglethatthesoldiersfoundyouengagedinonthemarshes,whenwecameup.Youremember?”
“Remember!”saidhe.“Ithinkso!”
“Wewanttoknowsomethingaboutthatman—andaboutyou.
Itisstrangetoknownomoreabouteither,andparticularlyyou,thanIwasabletotelllastnight.
Isnotthisasgoodatimeasanotherforourknowingmore?”
“Well!”hesaid,afterconsideration.“You’reonyouroath,youknow,Pip’scomrade?”
“Assuredly,”repliedHerbert.
“AstoanythingIsay,youknow,”heinsisted.“Theoathappliestoall.”
“Iunderstandittodoso.”
“Andlook’eehere!WoteverIdone,isworkedoutandpaidfor,”heinsistedagain.
“Sobeit.”
Hetookouthisblackpipeandwasgoingtofillitwithnegrohead,when,lookingatthetangleoftobaccoinhishand,heseemedtothinkitmightperplexthethreadofhisnarrative.
Heputitbackagain,stuckhispipeinabutton-holeofhiscoat,spreadahandoneachknee,and,afterturninganangryeyeonthefireforafewsilentmoments,lookedroundatusandsaidwhatfollows.
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