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Itwasthefirsttimethatagravehadopenedinmyroadoflife,andthegapitmadeinthesmoothgroundwaswonderful.
Thefigureofmysisterinherchairbythekitchenfire,hauntedmenightandday.
Thattheplacecouldpossiblybe,withouther,wassomethingmymindseemedunabletocompass;andwhereasshehadseldomorneverbeeninmythoughtsoflate,Ihadnowthestrangestideasthatshewascomingtowardsmeinthestreet,orthatshewouldpresentlyknockatthedoor.
Inmyroomstoo,withwhichshehadneverbeenatallassociated,therewasatoncetheblanknessofdeathandaperpetualsuggestionofthesoundofhervoiceortheturnofherfaceorfigure,asifshewerestillaliveandhadbeenoftenthere.
Whatevermyfortunesmighthavebeen,Icouldscarcelyhaverecalledmysisterwithmuchtenderness.
ButIsupposethereisashockofregretwhichmayexistwithoutmuchtenderness.
Underitsinfluence(andperhapstomakeupforthewantofthesofterfeeling)Iwasseizedwithaviolentindignationagainsttheassailantfromwhomshehadsufferedsomuch;andIfeltthatonsufficientproofIcouldhaverevengefullypursuedOrlick,oranyoneelse,tothelastextremity.
HavingwrittentoJoe,toofferconsolation,andtoassurehimthatIshouldcometothefuneral,IpassedtheintermediatedaysinthecuriousstateofmindIhaveglancedat.
Iwentdownearlyinthemorning,andalightedattheBlueBoaringoodtimetowalkovertotheforge.
Itwasfinesummerweatheragain,and,asIwalkedalong,thetimeswhenIwasalittlehelplesscreature,andmysisterdidnotspareme,vividlyreturned.
ButtheyreturnedwithagentletoneuponthemthatsoftenedeventheedgeofTickler.
Fornow,theverybreathofthebeansandcloverwhisperedtomyheartthatthedaymustcomewhenitwouldbewellformymemorythatotherswalkinginthesunshineshouldbesoftenedastheythoughtofme.
AtlastIcamewithinsightofthehouse,andsawthatTrabbandCo.hadputinafunerealexecutionandtakenpossession.
Twodismallyabsurdpersons,eachostentatiouslyexhibitingacrutchdoneupinablackbandage—asifthatinstrumentcouldpossiblycommunicateanycomforttoanybody—werepostedatthefrontdoor;andinoneofthemIrecognizedapostboydischargedfromtheBoarforturningayoungcoupleintoasawpitontheirbridalmorning,inconsequenceofintoxicationrenderingitnecessaryforhimtoridehishorseclaspedroundtheneckwithbotharms.
Allthechildrenofthevillage,andmostofthewomen,wereadmiringthesesablewardersandtheclosedwindowsofthehouseandforge;andasIcameup,oneofthetwowarders(thepostboy)knockedatthedoor—implyingthatIwasfartoomuchexhaustedbygrief,tohavestrengthremainingtoknockformyself.
Anothersablewarder(acarpenter,whohadonceeatentwogeeseforawager)openedthedoor,andshowedmeintothebestparlour.
Here,Mr.Trabbhadtakenuntohimselfthebesttable,andhadgotalltheleavesup,andwasholdingakindofblackBazaar,withtheaidofaquantityofblackpins.
Atthemomentofmyarrival,hehadjustfinishedputtingsomebody’shatintoblacklong-clothes,likeanAfricanbaby;soheheldouthishandformine.
ButI,misledbytheaction,andconfusedbytheoccasion,shookhandswithhimwitheverytestimonyofwarmaffection.
PoordearJoe,entangledinalittleblackcloaktiedinalargebowunderhischin,wasseatedapartattheupperendoftheroom;where,aschiefmourner,hehadevidentlybeenstationedbyTrabb.
WhenIbentdownandsaidtohim,“DearJoe,howareyou?”
hesaid,“Pip,oldchap,youknowedherwhenshewereafinefigureofa—”andclaspedmyhandandsaidnomore.
Biddy,lookingveryneatandmodestinherblackdress,wentquietlyhereandthere,andwasveryhelpful.
WhenIhadspokentoBiddy,asIthoughtitnotatimefortalkingIwentandsatdownnearJoe,andtherebegantowonderinwhatpartofthehouseit—she—mysister—was.
Theairoftheparlourbeingfaintwiththesmellofsweetcake,Ilookedaboutforthetableofrefreshments;itwasscarcelyvisibleuntilonehadgotaccustomedtothegloom,buttherewasacut-upplum-cakeuponit,andtherewerecut-uporanges,andsandwiches,andbiscuits,andtwodecantersthatIknewverywellasornaments,buthadneverseenusedinallmylife;onefullofport,andoneofsherry.
Standingatthistable,IbecameconsciousoftheservilePumblechookinablackcloakandseveralyardsofhatband,whowasalternatelystuffinghimself,andmakingobsequiousmovementstocatchmyattention.
Themomenthesucceeded,hecameovertome(breathingsherryandcrumbs),andsaidinasubduedvoice,“MayI,dearsir?”anddid.
IthendescriedMr.andMrs.Hubble;thelast-namedinadecentspeechlessparoxysminacorner.
Wewereallgoingto“follow,”andwereallincourseofbeingtiedupseparately(byTrabb)intoridiculousbundles.
“WhichImeantersay,Pip,”Joewhisperedme,aswewerebeingwhatMr.Trabbcalled“formed”intheparlour,twoandtwo—anditwasdreadfullylikeapreparationforsomegrimkindofdance;“whichImeantersay,sir,asIwouldinpreferencehavecarriedhertothechurchmyself,alongwiththreeorfourfriendlyoneswotcometoitwithwillinghartsandarms,butitwereconsideredwottheneighbourswouldlookdownonsuchandwouldbeofopinionsasitwerewantinginrespect.”
“Pocket-handkerchiefsout,all!”criedMr.Trabbatthispoint,inadepressedbusiness-likevoice.“Pocket-handkerchiefsout!Weareready!”
So,weallputourpocket-handkerchiefstoourfaces,asifournoseswerebleeding,andfiledouttwoandtwo;JoeandI;BiddyandPumblechook;Mr.andMrs.Hubble.
Theremainsofmypoorsisterhadbeenbroughtroundbythekitchendoor,and,itbeingapointofUndertakingceremonythatthesixbearersmustbestifledandblindedunderahorribleblackvelvethousingwithawhiteborder,thewholelookedlikeablindmonsterwithtwelvehumanlegs,shufflingandblunderingalong,undertheguidanceoftwokeepers—thepostboyandhiscomrade.
Theneighbourhood,however,highlyapprovedofthesearrangements,andweweremuchadmiredaswewentthroughthevillage;themoreyouthfulandvigorouspartofthecommunitymakingdashesnowandthentocutusoff,andlyinginwaittointerceptusatpointsofvantage.
Atsuchtimesthemoreexuberantamongthemcalledoutinanexcitedmanneronouremergenceroundsomecornerofexpectancy,“Heretheycome!”
“Heretheyare!”andwewereallbutcheered.
InthisprogressIwasmuchannoyedbytheabjectPumblechook,who,beingbehindme,persistedallthewayasadelicateattentioninarrangingmystreaminghatband,andsmoothingmycloak.
MythoughtswerefurtherdistractedbytheexcessiveprideofMr.andMrs.Hubble,whoweresurpassinglyconceitedandvaingloriousinbeingmembersofsodistinguishedaprocession.
Andnow,therangeofmarsheslayclearbeforeus,withthesailsoftheshipsontherivergrowingoutofit;andwewentintothechurchyard,closetothegravesofmyunknownparents,PhilipPirrip,lateofthisparish,andAlsoGeorgiana,WifeoftheAbove.
Andthere,mysisterwaslaidquietlyintheearthwhilethelarkssanghighaboveit,andthelightwindstreweditwithbeautifulshadowsofcloudsandtrees.
Oftheconductoftheworldly-mindedPumblechookwhilethiswasdoing,Idesiretosaynomorethanitwasalladdressedtome;andthatevenwhenthosenoblepassageswerereadwhichremindhumanityhowitbroughtnothingintotheworldandcantakenothingout,andhowitfleethlikeashadowandnevercontinuethlonginonestay,Iheardhimcoughareservationofthecaseofayounggentlemanwhocameunexpectedlyintolargeproperty.
Whenwegotback,hehadthehardihoodtotellmethathewishedmysistercouldhaveknownIhaddonehersomuchhonour,andtohintthatshewouldhaveconsidereditreasonablypurchasedatthepriceofherdeath.
Afterthat,hedrankalltherestofthesherry,andMr.Hubbledranktheport,andthetwotalked(whichIhavesinceobservedtobecustomaryinsuchcases)asiftheywereofquiteanotherracefromthedeceased,andwerenotoriouslyimmortal.
Finally,hewentawaywithMr.andMrs.Hubble—tomakeaneveningofit,Ifeltsure,andtotelltheJollyBargementhathewasthefounderofmyfortunesandmyearliestbenefactor.
Whentheywereallgone,andwhenTrabbandhismen—butnothisboy:Ilookedforhim—hadcrammedtheirmummeryintobags,andweregonetoo,thehousefeltwholesomer.
Soonafterwards,Biddy,Joe,andI,hadacolddinnertogether;butwedinedinthebestparlour,notintheoldkitchen,andJoewassoexceedinglyparticularwhathedidwithhisknifeandforkandthesaltcellarandwhatnot,thattherewasgreatrestraintuponus.
Butafterdinner,whenImadehimtakehispipe,andwhenIhadloiteredwithhimabouttheforge,andwhenwesatdowntogetheronthegreatblockofstoneoutsideit,wegotonbetter.
InoticedthatafterthefuneralJoechangedhisclothessofar,astomakeacompromisebetweenhisSundaydressandworkingdress:inwhichthedearfellowlookednatural,andliketheManhewas.
HewasverymuchpleasedbymyaskingifImightsleepinmyownlittleroom,andIwaspleasedtoo;for,IfeltthatIhaddoneratheragreatthinginmakingtherequest.
Whentheshadowsofeveningwereclosingin,ItookanopportunityofgettingintothegardenwithBiddyforalittletalk.
“Biddy,”saidI,“Ithinkyoumighthavewrittentomeaboutthesesadmatters.”
“Doyou,Mr.Pip?”saidBiddy.“IshouldhavewrittenifIhadthoughtthat.”
“Don’tsupposethatImeantobeunkind,Biddy,whenIsayIconsiderthatyououghttohavethoughtthat.”
“Doyou,Mr.Pip?”
Shewassoquiet,andhadsuchanorderly,good,andprettywaywithher,thatIdidnotlikethethoughtofmakinghercryagain.
Afterlookingalittleatherdowncasteyesasshewalkedbesideme,Igaveupthatpoint.
“Isupposeitwillbedifficultforyoutoremainherenow,Biddydear?”
“Oh!Ican’tdoso,Mr.Pip,”saidBiddy,inatoneofregret,butstillofquietconviction.
“IhavebeenspeakingtoMrs.Hubble,andIamgoingtoherto-morrow.
IhopeweshallbeabletotakesomecareofMr.Gargery,together,untilhesettlesdown.”
“Howareyougoingtolive,Biddy?Ifyouwantanymo—”
“HowamIgoingtolive?”repeatedBiddy,strikingin,withamomentaryflushuponherface.“I’lltellyou,Mr.Pip.
Iamgoingtotrytogettheplaceofmistressinthenewschoolnearlyfinishedhere.
Icanbewellrecommendedbyalltheneighbours,andIhopeIcanbeindustriousandpatient,andteachmyselfwhileIteachothers.
Youknow,Mr.Pip,”pursuedBiddy,withasmile,assheraisedhereyestomyface,“thenewschoolsarenotliketheold,butIlearntagooddealfromyouafterthattime,andhavehadtimesincethentoimprove.”
“Ithinkyouwouldalwaysimprove,Biddy,underanycircumstances.”
“Ah!Exceptinmybadsideofhumannature,”murmuredBiddy.
Itwasnotsomuchareproach,asanirresistiblethinkingaloud.Well!IthoughtIwouldgiveupthatpointtoo.So,IwalkedalittlefurtherwithBiddy,lookingsilentlyatherdowncasteyes.
“Ihavenotheardtheparticularsofmysister’sdeath,Biddy.”
“Theyareveryslight,poorthing.Shehadbeeninoneofherbadstates—thoughtheyhadgotbetteroflate,ratherthanworse—forfourdays,whenshecameoutofitintheevening,justatteatime,andsaidquiteplainly,‘Joe.’
Asshehadneversaidanywordforalongwhile,IranandfetchedinMr.Gargeryfromtheforge.
Shemadesignstomethatshewantedhimtositdownclosetoher,andwantedmetoputherarmsroundhisneck.
SoIputthemroundhisneck,andshelaidherheaddownonhisshoulderquitecontentandsatisfied.
Andsoshepresentlysaid‘Joe’again,andonce‘Pardon,’andonce‘Pip.’
Andsosheneverliftedherheadupanymore,anditwasjustanhourlaterwhenwelaiditdownonherownbed,becausewefoundshewasgone.”
Biddycried;thedarkeninggarden,andthelane,andthestarsthatwerecomingout,wereblurredinmyownsight.
“Nothingwaseverdiscovered,Biddy?”
“Nothing.”
“DoyouknowwhatisbecomeofOrlick?”
“Ishouldthinkfromthecolourofhisclothesthatheisworkinginthequarries.”
“Ofcourseyouhaveseenhimthen?—Whyareyoulookingatthatdarktreeinthelane?”
“Isawhimthere,onthenightshedied.”
“Thatwasnotthelasttimeeither,Biddy?”
“No;Ihaveseenhimthere,sincewehavebeenwalkinghere.
—Itisofnouse,”saidBiddy,layingherhanduponmyarm,asIwasforrunningout,“youknowIwouldnotdeceiveyou;hewasnotthereaminute,andheisgone.”
Itrevivedmyutmostindignationtofindthatshewasstillpursuedbythisfellow,andIfeltinveterateagainsthim.
Itoldherso,andtoldherthatIwouldspendanymoneyortakeanypainstodrivehimoutofthatcountry.
Bydegreessheledmeintomoretemperatetalk,andshetoldmehowJoelovedme,andhowJoenevercomplainedofanything—shedidn’tsay,ofme;shehadnoneed;Iknewwhatshemeant—buteverdidhisdutyinhiswayoflife,withastronghand,aquiettongue,andagentleheart.
“Indeed,itwouldbehardtosaytoomuchforhim,”saidI;“andBiddy,wemustoftenspeakofthesethings,forofcourseIshallbeoftendownherenow.IamnotgoingtoleavepoorJoealone.”
Biddysaidneverasingleword.
“Biddy,don’tyouhearme?”
“Yes,Mr.Pip.”
“NottomentionyourcallingmeMr.Pip—whichappearstometobeinbadtaste,Biddy—whatdoyoumean?”
“WhatdoImean?”askedBiddy,timidly.
“Biddy,”saidI,inavirtuouslyself-assertingmanner,“Imustrequesttoknowwhatyoumeanbythis?”
“Bythis?”saidBiddy.
“Now,don’techo,”Iretorted.“Youusednottoecho,Biddy.”
“Usednot!”saidBiddy.“OMr.Pip!Used!”
Well!IratherthoughtIwouldgiveupthatpointtoo.Afteranothersilentturninthegarden,Ifellbackonthemainposition.
“Biddy,”saidI,“Imadearemarkrespectingmycomingdownhereoften,toseeJoe,whichyoureceivedwithamarkedsilence.Havethegoodness,Biddy,totellmewhy.”
“Areyouquitesure,then,thatyouWILLcometoseehimoften?”askedBiddy,stoppinginthenarrowgardenwalk,andlookingatmeunderthestarswithaclearandhonesteye.
“Ohdearme!”saidI,asifIfoundmyselfcompelledtogiveupBiddyindespair.“Thisreallyisaverybadsideofhumannature!Don’tsayanymore,ifyouplease,Biddy.Thisshocksmeverymuch.”
ForwhichcogentreasonIkeptBiddyatadistanceduringsupper,and,whenIwentuptomyownoldlittleroom,tookasstatelyaleaveofherasIcould,inmymurmuringsoul,deemreconcilablewiththechurchyardandtheeventoftheday.
AsoftenasIwasrestlessinthenight,andthatwaseveryquarterofanhour,Ireflectedwhatanunkindness,whataninjury,whataninjustice,Biddyhaddoneme.
Earlyinthemorning,Iwastogo.Earlyinthemorning,Iwasout,andlookingin,unseen,atoneofthewoodenwindowsoftheforge.
ThereIstood,forminutes,lookingatJoe,alreadyatworkwithaglowofhealthandstrengthuponhisfacethatmadeitshowasifthebrightsunofthelifeinstoreforhimwereshiningonit.
“Good-bye,dearJoe!—No,don’twipeitoff—forGod’ssake,givemeyourblackenedhand!—Ishallbedownsoon,andoften.”
“Nevertoosoon,sir,”saidJoe,“andnevertoooften,Pip!”
Biddywaswaitingformeatthekitchendoor,withamugofnewmilkandacrustofbread.“Biddy,”saidI,whenIgavehermyhandatparting,“Iamnotangry,butIamhurt.”
“No,don’tbehurt,”shepleadedquitepathetically;“letonlymebehurt,ifIhavebeenungenerous.”
Oncemore,themistswererisingasIwalkedaway.
Iftheydisclosedtome,asIsuspecttheydid,thatIshouldnotcomeback,andthatBiddywasquiteright,allIcansayis—theywerequiterighttoo.
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