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MystateofmindregardingthepilferingfromwhichIhadbeensounexpectedlyexonerated,didnotimpelmetofrankdisclosure;butIhopeithadsomedregsofgoodatthebottomofit.
IdonotrecallthatIfeltanytendernessofconscienceinreferencetoMrs.Joe,whenthefearofbeingfoundoutwasliftedoffme.
ButIlovedJoe—perhapsfornobetterreasoninthoseearlydaysthanbecausethedearfellowletmelovehim—and,astohim,myinnerselfwasnotsoeasilycomposed.
Itwasmuchuponmymind(particularlywhenIfirstsawhimlookingaboutforhisfile)thatIoughttotellJoethewholetruth.
YetIdidnot,andforthereasonthatImistrustedthatifIdid,hewouldthinkmeworsethanIwas.
ThefearoflosingJoe’sconfidence,andofthenceforthsittinginthechimney-corneratnightstaringdrearilyatmyforeverlostcompanionandfriend,tiedupmytongue.
ImorbidlyrepresentedtomyselfthatifJoeknewit,Ineverafterwardscouldseehimatthefiresidefeelinghisfairwhisker,withoutthinkingthathewasmeditatingonit.
That,ifJoeknewit,Ineverafterwardscouldseehimglance,howevercasually,atyesterday’smeatorpuddingwhenitcameonto-day’stable,withoutthinkingthathewasdebatingwhetherIhadbeeninthepantry.
That,ifJoeknewit,andatanysubsequentperiodofourjointdomesticliferemarkedthathisbeerwasflatorthick,theconvictionthathesuspectedTarinit,wouldbringarushofbloodtomyface.
Inaword,IwastoocowardlytodowhatIknewtoberight,asIhadbeentoocowardlytoavoiddoingwhatIknewtobewrong.
Ihadhadnointercoursewiththeworldatthattime,andIimitatednoneofitsmanyinhabitantswhoactinthismanner.
Quiteanuntaughtgenius,Imadethediscoveryofthelineofactionformyself.
AsIwassleepybeforewewerefarawayfromtheprison-ship,Joetookmeonhisbackagainandcarriedmehome.
Hemusthavehadatiresomejourneyofit,forMr.Wopsle,beingknockedup,wasinsuchaverybadtemperthatiftheChurchhadbeenthrownopen,hewouldprobablyhaveexcommunicatedthewholeexpedition,beginningwithJoeandmyself.
Inhislaycapacity,hepersistedinsittingdowninthedamptosuchaninsaneextent,thatwhenhiscoatwastakenofftobedriedatthekitchenfire,thecircumstantialevidenceonhistrouserswouldhavehangedhimifithadbeenacapitaloffence.
Bythattime,Iwasstaggeringonthekitchenfloorlikealittledrunkard,throughhavingbeennewlysetuponmyfeet,andthroughhavingbeenfastasleep,andthroughwakingintheheatandlightsandnoiseoftongues.
AsIcametomyself(withtheaidofaheavythumpbetweentheshoulders,andtherestorativeexclamation“Yah!Wasthereeversuchaboyasthis!”
frommysister),IfoundJoetellingthemabouttheconvict’sconfession,andallthevisitorssuggestingdifferentwaysbywhichhehadgotintothepantry.
Mr.Pumblechookmadeout,aftercarefullysurveyingthepremises,thathehadfirstgotupontheroofoftheforge,andhadthengotupontheroofofthehouse,andhadthenlethimselfdownthekitchenchimneybyaropemadeofhisbeddingcutintostrips;andasMr.Pumblechookwasverypositiveanddrovehisownchaise-cart—overeverybody—itwasagreedthatitmustbeso.
Mr.Wopsle,indeed,wildlycriedout“No!”
withthefeeblemaliceofatiredman;but,ashehadnotheory,andnocoaton,hewasunanimouslysetatnought—nottomentionhissmokinghardbehind,ashestoodwithhisbacktothekitchenfiretodrawthedampout:whichwasnotcalculatedtoinspireconfidence.
ThiswasallIheardthatnightbeforemysisterclutchedme,asaslumberousoffencetothecompany’seyesight,andassistedmeuptobedwithsuchastronghandthatIseemedtohavefiftybootson,andtobedanglingthemallagainsttheedgesofthestairs.
Mystateofmind,asIhavedescribedit,beganbeforeIwasupinthemorning,andlastedlongafterthesubjecthaddiedout,andhadceasedtobementionedsavingonexceptionaloccasions.
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