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Mysister,Mrs.JoeGargery,wasmorethantwentyyearsolderthanI,andhadestablishedagreatreputationwithherselfandtheneighboursbecauseshehadbroughtmeupbyhand.
Havingatthattimetofindoutformyselfwhattheexpressionmeant,andknowinghertohaveahardandheavyhand,andtobemuchinthehabitoflayingituponherhusbandaswellasuponme,IsupposedthatJoeGargeryandIwerebothbroughtupbyhand.
Shewasnotagoodlookingwoman,mysister;andIhadageneralimpressionthatshemusthavemadeJoeGargerymarryherbyhand.
Joewasafairman,withcurlsofflaxenhaironeachsideofhissmoothface,andwitheyesofsuchaveryundecidedbluethattheyseemedtohavesomehowgotmixedwiththeirownwhites.
Hewasamild,goodnatured,sweettempered,easygoing,foolish,dearfellowasortofHerculesinstrength,andalsoinweakness.
Mysister,Mrs.Joe,withblackhairandeyes,hadsuchaprevailingrednessofskinthatIsometimesusedtowonderwhetheritwaspossibleshewashedherselfwithanutmeggraterinsteadofsoap.
Shewastallandbony,andalmostalwaysworeacoarseapron,fastenedoverherfigurebehindwithtwoloops,andhavingasquareimpregnablebibinfront,thatwasstuckfullofpinsandneedles.
Shemadeitapowerfulmeritinherself,andastrongreproachagainstJoe,thatsheworethisapronsomuch.
ThoughIreallyseenoreasonwhysheshouldhavewornitatall:orwhy,ifshedidwearitatall,sheshouldnothavetakenitoff,everydayofherlife.
Joe’sforgeadjoinedourhouse,whichwasawoodenhouse,asmanyofthedwellingsinourcountryweremostofthem,atthattime.
WhenIranhomefromthechurchyard,theforgewasshutup,andJoewassittingaloneinthekitchen.
JoeandIbeingfellowsufferers,andhavingconfidencesassuch,Joeimpartedaconfidencetome,themomentIraisedthelatchofthedoorandpeepedinathimoppositetoit,sittinginthechimneycorner.
Mrs.Joehasbeenoutadozentimes,lookingforyou,Pip.Andshe’soutnow,makingitabaker’sdozen.
Isshe?
Yes,Pip,saidJoe;andwhat’sworse,she’sgotTicklerwithher.
Atthisdismalintelligence,Itwistedtheonlybuttononmywaistcoatroundandround,andlookedingreatdepressionatthefire.
Ticklerwasawaxendedpieceofcane,wornsmoothbycollisionwithmytickledframe.
Shesotdown,saidJoe,andshegotup,andshemadeagrabatTickler,andsheRampagedout.
That’swhatshedid,saidJoe,slowlyclearingthefirebetweenthelowerbarswiththepoker,andlookingatit:sheRampagedout,Pip.
Hasshebeengonelong,Joe?Ialwaystreatedhimasalargerspeciesofchild,andasnomorethanmyequal.
Well,saidJoe,glancingupattheDutchclock,she’sbeenontheRampage,thislastspell,aboutfiveminutes,Pip.She’sacoming!
Getbehindthedoor,oldchap,andhavethejacktowelbetwixtyou.
Itooktheadvice.Mysister,Mrs.Joe,throwingthedoorwideopen,andfindinganobstructionbehindit,immediatelydivinedthecause,andappliedTicklertoitsfurtherinvestigation.
SheconcludedbythrowingmeIoftenservedasaconnubialmissileatJoe,who,gladtogetholdofmeonanyterms,passedmeonintothechimneyandquietlyfencedmeuptherewithhisgreatleg.
Wherehaveyoubeen,youyoungmonkey?saidMrs.Joe,stampingherfoot.
Tellmedirectlywhatyou’vebeendoingtowearmeawaywithfretandfrightandworrit,orI’dhaveyououtofthatcornerifyouwasfiftyPips,andhewasfivehundredGargerys.
Ihaveonlybeentothechurchyard,saidI,frommystool,cryingandrubbingmyself.
Churchyard!repeatedmysister.Ifitwarn’tformeyou’dhavebeentothechurchyardlongago,andstayedthere.Whobroughtyouupbyhand?
Youdid,saidI.
AndwhydidIdoit,Ishouldliketoknow?exclaimedmysister.
Iwhimpered,Idon’tknow.
Idon’t!saidmysister.I’dneverdoitagain!Iknowthat.
ImaytrulysayI’veneverhadthisapronofmineoff,sincebornyouwere.
It’sbadenoughtobeablacksmith’swife(andhimaGargery)withoutbeingyourmother.
MythoughtsstrayedfromthatquestionasIlookeddisconsolatelyatthefire.
For,thefugitiveoutonthemarsheswiththeironedleg,themysteriousyoungman,thefile,thefood,andthedreadfulpledgeIwasundertocommitalarcenyonthoseshelteringpremises,rosebeforemeintheavengingcoals.
Hah!saidMrs.Joe,restoringTicklertohisstation.Churchyard,indeed!Youmaywellsaychurchyard,youtwo.
Oneofus,bythebye,hadnotsaiditatall.
You’lldrivemetothechurchyardbetwixtyou,oneofthesedays,andoh,aprrreciouspairyou’dbewithoutme!
Assheappliedherselftosettheteathings,Joepeepeddownatmeoverhisleg,asifhewerementallycastingmeandhimselfup,andcalculatingwhatkindofpairwepracticallyshouldmake,underthegrievouscircumstancesforeshadowed.
Afterthat,hesatfeelinghisrightsideflaxencurlsandwhisker,andfollowingMrs.Joeaboutwithhisblueeyes,ashismanneralwayswasatsquallytimes.
Mysisterhadatrenchantwayofcuttingourbreadandbutterforus,thatnevervaried.
First,withherlefthandshejammedtheloafhardandfastagainstherbibwhereitsometimesgotapinintoit,andsometimesaneedle,whichweafterwardsgotintoourmouths.
Thenshetooksomebutter(nottoomuch)onaknifeandspreaditontheloaf,inanapothecarykindofway,asifsheweremakingaplaisterusingbothsidesoftheknifewithaslappingdexterity,andtrimmingandmouldingthebutteroffroundthecrust.
Then,shegavetheknifeafinalsmartwipeontheedgeoftheplaister,andthensawedaverythickroundofftheloaf:whichshefinally,beforeseparatingfromtheloaf,hewedintotwohalves,ofwhichJoegotone,andItheother.
Onthepresentoccasion,thoughIwashungry,Idarednoteatmyslice.
IfeltthatImusthavesomethinginreserveformydreadfulacquaintance,andhisallythestillmoredreadfulyoungman.
IknewMrs.Joe’shousekeepingtobeofthestrictestkind,andthatmylarcenousresearchesmightfindnothingavailableinthesafe.
ThereforeIresolvedtoputmyhunkofbreadandbutterdownthelegofmytrousers.
Theeffortofresolutionnecessarytotheachievementofthispurpose,Ifoundtobequiteawful.
ItwasasifIhadtomakeupmymindtoleapfromthetopofahighhouse,orplungeintoagreatdepthofwater.
AnditwasmadethemoredifficultbytheunconsciousJoe.
Inouralreadymentionedfreemasonryasfellowsufferers,andinhisgoodnaturedcompanionshipwithme,itwasoureveninghabittocomparethewaywebitthroughourslices,bysilentlyholdingthemuptoeachother’sadmirationnowandthenwhichstimulatedustonewexertions.
Tonight,Joeseveraltimesinvitedme,bythedisplayofhisfastdiminishingslice,toenteruponourusualfriendlycompetition;buthefoundme,eachtime,withmyyellowmugofteaononeknee,andmyuntouchedbreadandbutterontheother.
Atlast,IdesperatelyconsideredthatthethingIcontemplatedmustbedone,andthatithadbestbedoneintheleastimprobablemannerconsistentwiththecircumstances.
ItookadvantageofamomentwhenJoehadjustlookedatme,andgotmybreadandbutterdownmyleg.
Joewasevidentlymadeuncomfortablebywhathesupposedtobemylossofappetite,andtookathoughtfulbiteoutofhisslice,whichhedidn’tseemtoenjoy.
Heturneditaboutinhismouthmuchlongerthanusual,ponderingoveritagooddeal,andafterallgulpeditdownlikeapill.
Hewasabouttotakeanotherbite,andhadjustgothisheadononesideforagoodpurchaseonit,whenhiseyefellonme,andhesawthatmybreadandbutterwasgone.
ThewonderandconsternationwithwhichJoestoppedonthethresholdofhisbiteandstaredatme,weretooevidenttoescapemysister’sobservation.
What’sthematternow?saidshe,smartly,assheputdownhercup.
Isay,youknow!mutteredJoe,shakinghisheadatmeinveryseriousremonstrance.Pip,oldchap!You’lldoyourselfamischief.It’llsticksomewhere.Youcan’thavechawedit,Pip.
What’sthematternow?repeatedmysister,moresharplythanbefore.
Ifyoucancoughanytrifleonitup,Pip,I’drecommendyoutodoit,saidJoe,allaghast.Mannersismanners,butstillyourelth’syourelth.
Bythistime,mysisterwasquitedesperate,soshepouncedonJoe,and,takinghimbythetwowhiskers,knockedhisheadforalittlewhileagainstthewallbehindhim:whileIsatinthecorner,lookingguiltilyon.
Now,perhapsyou’llmentionwhat’sthematter,saidmysister,outofbreath,youstaringgreatstuckpig.
Joelookedatherinahelplessway;thentookahelplessbite,andlookedatmeagain.
Youknow,Pip,saidJoe,solemnly,withhislastbiteinhischeekandspeakinginaconfidentialvoice,asifwetwowerequitealone,youandmeisalwaysfriends,andI’dbethelasttotelluponyou,anytime.
Butsuchahemovedhischairandlookedaboutthefloorbetweenus,andthenagainatmesuchamostoncommonBoltasthat!
Beenboltinghisfood,hashe?criedmysister.
Youknow,oldchap,saidJoe,lookingatme,andnotatMrs.Joe,withhisbitestillinhischeek,IBolted,myself,whenIwasyouragefrequentandasaboyI’vebeenamongamanyBolters;butIneverseeyourBoltingequalyet,Pip,andit’samercyyouain’tBolteddead.
Mysistermadeadiveatme,andfishedmeupbythehair:sayingnothingmorethantheawfulwords,Youcomealongandbedosed.
SomemedicalbeasthadrevivedTarwaterinthosedaysasafinemedicine,andMrs.Joealwayskeptasupplyofitinthecupboard;havingabeliefinitsvirtuescorrespondenttoitsnastiness.
Atthebestoftimes,somuchofthiselixirwasadministeredtomeasachoicerestorative,thatIwasconsciousofgoingabout,smellinglikeanewfence.
Onthisparticulareveningtheurgencyofmycasedemandedapintofthismixture,whichwaspoureddownmythroat,formygreatercomfort,whileMrs.Joeheldmyheadunderherarm,asabootwouldbeheldinabootjack.
Joegotoffwithhalfapint;butwasmadetoswallowthat(muchtohisdisturbance,ashesatslowlymunchingandmeditatingbeforethefire),becausehehadhadaturn.
Judgingfrommyself,Ishouldsayhecertainlyhadaturnafterwards,ifhehadhadnonebefore.
Conscienceisadreadfulthingwhenitaccusesmanorboy;butwhen,inthecaseofaboy,thatsecretburdencooperateswithanothersecretburdendownthelegofhistrousers,itis(asIcantestify)agreatpunishment.
TheguiltyknowledgethatIwasgoingtorobMrs.JoeIneverthoughtIwasgoingtorobJoe,forIneverthoughtofanyofthehousekeepingpropertyashisunitedtothenecessityofalwayskeepingonehandonmybreadandbutterasIsat,orwhenIwasorderedaboutthekitchenonanysmallerrand,almostdrovemeoutofmymind.
Then,asthemarshwindsmadethefireglowandflare,IthoughtIheardthevoiceoutside,ofthemanwiththeirononhislegwhohadswornmetosecrecy,declaringthathecouldn’tandwouldn’tstarveuntiltomorrow,butmustbefednow.
Atothertimes,Ithought,Whatiftheyoungmanwhowaswithsomuchdifficultyrestrainedfromimbruinghishandsinme,shouldyieldtoaconstitutionalimpatience,orshouldmistakethetime,andshouldthinkhimselfaccreditedtomyheartandlivertonight,insteadoftomorrow!
Ifeveranybody’shairstoodonendwithterror,minemusthavedonesothen.But,perhaps,nobody’severdid?
ItwasChristmasEve,andIhadtostirthepuddingfornextday,withacopperstick,fromseventoeightbytheDutchclock.
Itrieditwiththeloaduponmyleg(andthatmademethinkafreshofthemanwiththeloadonhisleg),andfoundthetendencyofexercisetobringthebreadandbutteroutatmyankle,quiteunmanageable.
Happily,Islippedaway,anddepositedthatpartofmyconscienceinmygarretbedroom.
Hark!saidI,whenIhaddonemystirring,andwastakingafinalwarminthechimneycornerbeforebeingsentuptobed;wasthatgreatguns,Joe?
Ah!saidJoe.There’sanotherconwictoff.
Whatdoesthatmean,Joe?saidI.
Mrs.Joe,whoalwaystookexplanationsuponherself,said,snappishly,Escaped.Escaped.AdministeringthedefinitionlikeTarwater.
WhileMrs.Joesatwithherheadbendingoverherneedlework,IputmymouthintotheformsofsayingtoJoe,What’saconvict?
Joeputhismouthintotheformsofreturningsuchahighlyelaborateanswer,thatIcouldmakeoutnothingofitbutthesinglewordPip.
Therewasaconwictofflastnight,saidJoe,aloud,aftersunsetgun.Andtheyfiredwarningofhim.Andnow,itappearsthey’refiringwarningofanother.
Who’sfiring?saidI.
Dratthatboy,interposedmysister,frowningatmeoverherwork,whataquestionerheis.Asknoquestions,andyou’llbetoldnolies.
Itwasnotverypolitetoherself,Ithought,toimplythatIshouldbetoldliesbyher,evenifIdidaskquestions.Butsheneverwaspolite,unlesstherewascompany.
Atthispoint,Joegreatlyaugmentedmycuriositybytakingtheutmostpainstoopenhismouthverywide,andtoputitintotheformofawordthatlookedtomelikesulks.
Therefore,InaturallypointedtoMrs.Joe,andputmymouthintotheformofsayingher?
ButJoewouldn’thearofthat,atall,andagainopenedhismouthverywide,andshooktheformofamostemphaticwordoutofit.ButIcouldmakenothingoftheword.
Mrs.Joe,saidI,asalastresort,Ishouldliketoknowifyouwouldn’tmuchmindwherethefiringcomesfrom?
Lordblesstheboy!exclaimedmysister,asifshedidn’tquitemeanthat,butratherthecontrary.FromtheHulks!
Ohh!saidI,lookingatJoe.Hulks!
Joegaveareproachfulcough,asmuchastosay,Well,Itoldyouso.
Andpleasewhat’sHulks?saidI.
That’sthewaywiththisboy!exclaimedmysister,pointingmeoutwithherneedleandthread,andshakingherheadatme.
Answerhimonequestion,andhe’llaskyouadozendirectly.
Hulksareprisonships,rightcrossth’meshes.
Wealwaysusedthatnameformarshes,inourcountry.
Iwonderwho’sputintoprisonships,andwhythey’reputthere?saidI,inageneralway,andwithquietdesperation.
ItwastoomuchforMrs.Joe,whoimmediatelyrose.
Itellyouwhat,youngfellow,saidshe,Ididn’tbringyouupbyhandtobadgerpeople’slivesout.
Itwouldbeblametome,andnotpraise,ifIhad.
PeopleareputintheHulksbecausetheymurder,andbecausetheyrob,andforge,anddoallsortsofbad;andtheyalwaysbeginbyaskingquestions.Now,yougetalongtobed!
Iwasneverallowedacandletolightmetobed,and,asIwentupstairsinthedark,withmyheadtinglingfromMrs.Joe’sthimblehavingplayedthetambourineuponit,toaccompanyherlastwordsIfeltfearfullysensibleofthegreatconveniencethattheHulkswerehandyforme.Iwasclearlyonmywaythere.
Ihadbegunbyaskingquestions,andIwasgoingtorobMrs.Joe.
Sincethattime,whichisfarenoughawaynow,Ihaveoftenthoughtthatfewpeopleknowwhatsecrecythereisintheyoung,underterror.
Nomatterhowunreasonabletheterror,sothatitbeterror.
Iwasinmortalterroroftheyoungmanwhowantedmyheartandliver;Iwasinmortalterrorofmyinterlocutorwiththeironedleg;Iwasinmortalterrorofmyself,fromwhomanawfulpromisehadbeenextracted;Ihadnohopeofdeliverancethroughmyallpowerfulsister,whorepulsedmeateveryturn;IamafraidtothinkofwhatImighthavedone,onrequirement,inthesecrecyofmyterror.
IfIsleptatallthatnight,itwasonlytoimaginemyselfdriftingdowntheriveronastrongspringtide,totheHulks;aghostlypiratecallingouttomethroughaspeakingtrumpet,asIpassedthegibbetstation,thatIhadbettercomeashoreandbehangedthereatonce,andnotputitoff.
Iwasafraidtosleep,evenifIhadbeeninclined,forIknewthatatthefirstfaintdawnofmorningImustrobthepantry.
Therewasnodoingitinthenight,fortherewasnogettingalightbyeasyfrictionthen;tohavegotone,Imusthavestruckitoutofflintandsteel,andhavemadeanoiseliketheverypiratehimselfrattlinghischains.
Assoonasthegreatblackvelvetpalloutsidemylittlewindowwasshotwithgrey,Igotupandwentdownstairs;everyboardupontheway,andeverycrackineveryboard,callingafterme,Stopthief!andGetup,Mrs.Joe!
Inthepantry,whichwasfarmoreabundantlysuppliedthanusual,owingtotheseason,Iwasverymuchalarmed,byaharehangingupbytheheels,whomIratherthoughtIcaught,whenmybackwashalfturned,winking.
Ihadnotimeforverification,notimeforselection,notimeforanything,forIhadnotimetospare.
Istolesomebread,somerindofcheese,abouthalfajarofmincemeat(whichItiedupinmypockethandkerchiefwithmylastnight’sslice),somebrandyfromastonebottle(whichIdecantedintoaglassbottleIhadsecretlyusedformakingthatintoxicatingfluid,Spanishliquoricewater,upinmyroom:dilutingthestonebottlefromajuginthekitchencupboard),ameatbonewithverylittleonit,andabeautifulroundcompactporkpie.
Iwasnearlygoingawaywithoutthepie,butIwastemptedtomountuponashelf,tolookwhatitwasthatwasputawaysocarefullyinacoveredearthenwaredishinacorner,andIfounditwasthepie,andItookit,inthehopethatitwasnotintendedforearlyuse,andwouldnotbemissedforsometime.
Therewasadoorinthekitchen,communicatingwiththeforge;Iunlockedandunboltedthatdoor,andgotafilefromamongJoe’stools.
Then,IputthefasteningsasIhadfoundthem,openedthedooratwhichIhadenteredwhenIranhomelastnight,shutit,andranforthemistymarshes.
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