TheremusthavebeenfromsixtoeightdozenspoonsintheBrigade,andtheymarchedawayintheshapeofahollowsquare,withDorothy,BillinaandTotointhecenterofthesquare. BeforetheyhadgoneveryfarTotoknockedoveroneofthespoonsbywagginghistail,andthentheCaptainoftheSpoonstoldthelittledogtobemorecareful,orhewouldbepunished. SoTotowascareful,andtheSpoonBrigademovedalongwithastonishingswiftness,whileDorothyreallyhadtowalkfasttokeepupwithit. Byandbytheyleftthewoodsandenteredabigclearing,inwhichwastheKingdomofUtensia. Standingallaroundtheclearingwereagoodmanycookstoves,rangesandgrills,ofallsizesandshapes,andbesidesthesetherewereseveralkitchencabinetsandcupboardsandafewkitchentables. Thesethingswerecrowdedwithutensilsofallsorts:fryingpans,saucepans,kettles,forks,knives,bastingandsoupspoons,nutmeggraters,sifters,colanders,meatsaws,flatirons,rollingpinsandmanyotherthingsofalikenature. WhentheSpoonBrigadeappearedwiththeprisonersawildshoutaroseandmanyoftheutensilshoppedofftheirstovesortheirbenchesandrancrowdingaroundDorothyandthehenandthedog. “Standback!”criedtheCaptain,sternly,andheledhiscaptivesthroughthecuriousthronguntiltheycamebeforeabigrangethatstoodinthecenteroftheclearing. Besidethisrangewasabutcherblockuponwhichlayagreatcleaverwithakeenedge. Itrestedupontheflatofitsback,itslegswerecrossedanditwassmokingalongpipe. “Wakeup,yourMajesty,”saidtheCaptain.“Hereareprisoners.” Hearingthis,KingKleaversatupandlookedatDorothysharply. “Gristleandfat!”hecried.“Wheredidthisgirlcomefrom?” “Ifoundherintheforestandbroughtherhereaprisoner,”repliedtheCaptain. “Whydidyoudothat?”inquiredtheKing,puffinghispipelazily. “Tocreatesomeexcitement,”theCaptainanswered.“Itissoquietherethatweareallgettingrustyforwantofamusement.Formypart,Iprefertoseestirringtimes.” “Naturally,”returnedthecleaver,withanod. “Ihavealwayssaid,Captain,withoutabitofirony,thatyouareasterlingofficerandasolidcitizen,bowledandpolishedtoadegree. Butwhatdoyouexpectmetodowiththeseprisoners?” “Thatisforyoutodecide,”declaredtheCaptain.“YouaretheKing.” “Tobesure;tobesure,”mutteredthecleaver,musingly. “Asyousay,wehavehaddulltimessincethesteelandgrindstoneelopedandleftus. CommandmyCounselorsandtheRoyalCourtierstoattendme,aswellastheHighPriestandtheJudge.We’llthendecidewhatcanbedone.” TheCaptainsalutedandretiredandDorothysatdownonanoverturnedkettleandasked: “Haveyouanythingtoeatinyourkingdom?” “Here!Getup!Getofffromme!”criedafaintvoice,atwhichhisMajestythecleaversaid: “Excuseme,butyou’resittingonmyfriendtheTen-quartKettle.” Dorothyatoncearose,andthekettleturnedrightsideupandlookedatherreproachfully. “I’mafriendoftheKing,sonoonedaressitonme,”saidhe. “I’dpreferachair,anyway,”shereplied. “Sitonthathearth,”commandedtheKing. SoDorothysatonthehearth-shelfofthebigrange,andthesubjectsofUtensiabegantogatheraroundinalargeandinquisitivethrong. TotolayatDorothy’sfeetandBillinaflewupontherange,whichhadnofireinit,andperchedthereascomfortablyasshecould. WhenalltheCounselorsandCourtiershadassembled—andtheseseemedtoincludemostoftheinhabitantsofthekingdom—theKingrappedontheblockfororderandsaid: “FriendsandFellowUtensils!OurworthyCommanderoftheSpoonBrigade,CaptainDipp,hascapturedthethreeprisonersyouseebeforeyouandbroughtthemherefor—for—Idon’tknowwhatfor. SoIaskyouradvicehowtoactinthismatter,andwhatfateIshouldmeteouttothesecaptives.JudgeSifter,standonmyright. Itisyourbusinesstosiftthisaffairtothebottom. HighPriestColander,standonmyleftandseethatnoonetestifiesfalselyinthismatter.” Asthesetwoofficialstooktheirplaces,Dorothyasked: “WhyisthecolandertheHighPriest?” “He’stheholiestthingwehaveinthekingdom,”repliedKingKleaver. “Exceptme,”saidasieve.“I’mthewholethingwhenitcomestoholes.” “Whatweneed,”remarkedtheKing,rebukingly,“isawirelesssieve.ImustspeaktoMarconiaboutit. Theseold-fashionedsievestalktoomuch. Now,itisthedutyoftheKing’sCounselorstocounseltheKingatalltimesofemergency,soIbegyoutospeakoutandadvisemewhattodowiththeseprisoners.” “Idemandthattheybekilledseveraltimes,untiltheyaredead!”shoutedapepperbox,hoppingaroundveryexcitedly. “Composeyourself,Mr.Paprica,”advisedtheKing. “Yourremarksarepiquantandhighly-seasoned,butyouneedascatteringofcommonsense. Itisonlynecessarytokillapersononcetomakehimdead;butIdonotseethatitisnecessarytokillthislittlegirlatall.” “Idon’t,either,”saidDorothy. “Pardonme,butyouarenotexpectedtoadvisemeinthismatter,”repliedKingKleaver. “Youmightbeprejudicedinyourownfavor,andsomisleadus,”hesaid.“Nowthen,goodsubjects,whospeaksnext?” “I’dliketosmooththisthingover,insomeway,”saidaflatiron,earnestly.“Wearesupposedtobeusefultomankind,youknow.” “Butthegirlisn’tmankind!She’swomankind!”yelledacorkscrew. “Whatdoyouknowaboutit?”inquiredtheKing. “I’malawyer,”saidthecorkscrew,proudly.“Iamaccustomedtoappearatthebar.” “Butyou’recrooked,”retortedtheKing,“andthatdebarsyou.Youmaybeacorkinggoodlawyer,Mr.Popp,butImustaskyoutowithdrawyourremarks.” “Verywell,”saidthecorkscrew,sadly;“IseeIhaven’tanypullatthiscourt.” “Permitme,”continuedtheflatiron,“topressmysuit,yourMajesty. Idonotwishtoglossoveranyfaulttheprisonermayhavecommitted,ifsuchafaultexists;butweowehersomeconsideration,andthat’sflat!” “I’dliketohearfromPrinceKarver,”saidtheKing. Atthisastatelycarvingknifesteppedforwardandbowed. “TheCaptainwaswrongtobringthisgirlhere,andshewaswrongtocome,”hesaid.“Butnowthatthefoolishdeedisdoneletusallproveourmettleandhaveaslashinggoodtime.” “That’sit!that’sit!”screamedafatchoppingknife.“We’llmakemincemeatofthegirlandhashofthechickenandsausageofthedog!” TherewasashoutofapprovalatthisandtheKinghadtorapagainfororder. “Gentlemen,gentlemen!”hesaid,“yourremarksaresomewhatcuttingandratherdisjointed,asmightbeexpectedfromsuchacuteintellects.Butyougivemenoreasonsforyourdemands.” “Seehere,Kleaver;youmakemetired,”saidasaucepan,struttingbeforetheKingveryimpudently. “You’reabouttheworstKingthateverreignedinUtensia,andthat’ssayingagooddeal. Whydon’tyourunthingsyourself,insteadofaskingeverybody’sadvice,likethebig,clumsyidiotyouare?” “Iwishtherewasn’tasaucepaninmykingdom,”hesaid. “Youfellowsarealwaysstewing,oversomething,andeveryonceinawhileyouslopoverandmakeamessofit. Gohangyourself,sir—bythehandle—anddon’tletmehearfromyouagain.” Dorothywasmuchshockedbythedreadfullanguagetheutensilsemployed,andshethoughtthattheymusthavehadverylittlepropertraining. Soshesaid,addressingtheKing,whoseemedveryunfittorulehisturbulentsubjects: “Iwishyou’ddecidemyfaterightaway.Ican’tstayhereallday,tryingtofindoutwhatyou’regoingtodowithme.” “Thisthingisbecomingaregularbroil,andit’stimeItookpartinit,”observedabiggridiron,comingforward. “WhatI’dliketoknow,”saidacan-opener,inashrillvoice,“iswhythelittlegirlcametoourforestanyhowandwhysheintrudeduponCaptainDipp—whooughttobecalledDippy—andwhosheis,andwhereshecamefrom,andwheresheisgoing,andwhyandwhereforeandthereforeandwhen.” “I’msorrytosee,SirJabber,”remarkedtheKingtothecan-opener,“thatyouhavesuchapryingdisposition.Asamatteroffact,allthethingsyoumentionarenoneofourbusiness.” HavingsaidthistheKingrelightedhispipe,whichhadgoneout. “Tellme,please,whatISourbusiness?” inquiredapotato-masher,winkingatDorothysomewhatimpertinently. “I’mfondoflittlegirls,myself,anditseemstomeshehasasmuchrighttowanderintheforestaswehave.” “Whoaccusesthelittlegirl,anyway?”inquiredarolling-pin.“Whathasshedone?” “Idon’tknow,”saidtheKing.“Whathasshedone,CaptainDipp?” “That’sthetrouble,yourMajesty.Shehasn’tdoneanything,”repliedtheCaptain. “Whatdoyouwantmetodo?”askedDorothy. Thisquestionseemedtopuzzlethemall.Finally,achafingdish,exclaimedirritably: “IfnoonecanthrowanylightonthissubjectyoumustexcusemeifIgoout.” Atthis,abigkitchenforkprickedupitsearsandsaidinatinyvoice: “Let’shearfromJudgeSifter.” “That’sproper,”returnedtheKing. SoJudgeSifterturnedaroundslowlyseveraltimesandthensaid: “Wehavenothingagainstthegirlexceptthestove-hearthuponwhichshesits.ThereforeIorderherinstantlydischarged.” “Discharged!”criedDorothy.“Why,Ineverwasdischargedinmylife,andIdon’tintendtobe.Ifit’sallthesametoyou,I’llresign.” “It’sallthesame,”declaredtheKing.“Youarefree—youandyourcompanions—andmaygowhereveryoulike.” “Thankyou,”saidthelittlegirl.“Buthaven’tyouanythingtoeatinyourkingdom?I’mhungry.” “Gointothewoodsandpickblackberries,”advisedtheKing,lyingdownuponhisbackagainandpreparingtogotosleep.“Thereisn’tamorseltoeatinallUtensia,thatIknowof.” SoDorothyjumpedupandsaid: “Comeon,TotoandBillina.Ifwecan’tfindthecamp,wemayfindsomeblackberries.” Theutensilsdrewbackandallowedthemtopasswithoutprotest,althoughCaptainDippmarchedtheSpoonBrigadeincloseorderafterthemuntiltheyhadreachedtheedgeoftheclearing. Therethespoonshalted;butDorothyandhercompanionsenteredtheforestagainandbegansearchingdiligentlyforawaybacktothecamp,thattheymightrejointheirparty. 
