Thereasonmostpeoplearebadisbecausetheydonottrytobegood. Now,theNomeKinghadnevertriedtobegood,sohewasverybadindeed. HavingdecidedtoconquertheLandofOzandtodestroytheEmeraldCityandenslaveallitspeople,KingRoquattheRedkeptplanningwaystodothisdreadfulthing,andthemoreheplannedthemorehebelievedhewouldbeabletoaccomplishit. AboutthetimeDorothywenttoOzmatheNomeKingcalledhisChiefStewardtohimandsaid: “Kaliko,IthinkIshallmakeyoutheGeneralofmyarmies.” “Ithinkyouwon’t,”repliedKaliko,positively. “Whynot?”inquiredtheKing,reachingforhisscepterwiththebigsapphire. “BecauseI’myourChiefStewardandknownothingofwarfare,”saidKaliko,preparingtododgeifanythingwerethrownathim. “Imanagealltheaffairsofyourkingdombetterthanyoucouldyourself,andyou’llneverfindanotherStewardasgoodasIam. ButthereareahundredNomesbetterfittedtocommandyourarmy,andyourGeneralsgetthrownawaysooftenthatIhavenodesiretobeoneofthem.” “Ah,thereissometruthinyourremarks,Kaliko,”remarkedtheKing,decidingnottothrowthescepter.“SummonmyarmytoassembleintheGreatCavern.” Kalikobowedandretired,andinafewminutesreturnedtosaythatthearmywasassembled. SotheKingwentoutuponabalconythatoverlookedtheGreatCavern,wherefiftythousandNomes,allarmedwithswordsandpikes,stoodmarshaledinmilitaryarray. WhentheywerenotrequiredassoldiersalltheseNomesweremetalworkersandminers,andtheyhadhammeredsomuchattheforgesanddugsohardwithpickandshovelthattheyhadacquiredgreatmuscularstrength. Theywerestrangelyformedcreatures,ratherroundandnotverytall. Theirtoeswerecurlyandtheirearsbroadandflat. IntimeofwareveryNomelefthisforgeormineandbecamepartofthegreatarmyofKingRoquat.Thesoldiersworerock-coloreduniformsandwereexcellentlydrilled. TheKinglookeduponthistremendousarmy,whichstoodsilentlyarrayedbeforehim,andacruelsmilecurledthecornersofhismouth,forhesawthathislegionswereverypowerful. Thenheaddressedthemfromthebalcony,saying: “IhavethrownawayGeneralBlug,becausehedidnotpleaseme.SoIwantanotherGeneraltocommandthisarmy.Whoisnextincommand?” “Iam,”repliedColonelCrinkle,adapper-lookingNome,ashesteppedforwardtosalutehismonarch. TheKinglookedathimcarefullyandsaid: “Iwantyoutomarchthisarmythroughanundergroundtunnel,whichIamgoingtobore,totheEmeraldCityofOz. WhenyougetthereIwantyoutoconquertheOzpeople,destroythemandtheircity,andbringalltheirgoldandsilverandpreciousstonesbacktomycavern. AlsoyouaretorecapturemyMagicBeltandreturnittome.Willyoudothis,GeneralCrinkle?” “No,yourMajesty,”repliedtheNome;“foritcan’tbedone.” “Ohindeed!”exclaimedtheKing. Thenheturnedtohisservantsandsaid:“PleasetakeGeneralCrinkletothetorturechamber. Thereyouwillkindlyslicehimintothinslices. Afterwardyoumayfeedhimtotheseven-headeddogs.” “AnythingtoobligeyourMajesty,”repliedtheservants,politely,andledthecondemnedmanaway. Whentheyhadgone,theKingaddressedthearmyagain. “TheGeneralwhoistocommandmyarmiesmustpromisetocarryoutmyorders. IfhefailshewillsharethefateofpoorCrinkle. Now,then,whowillvolunteertoleadmyhoststotheEmeraldCity?” Foratimenoonemovedandallweresilent. ThenanoldNomewithwhitewhiskerssolongthattheyweretiedaroundhiswaisttopreventtheirtrippinghimup,steppedoutoftheranksandsalutedtheKing. “I’dliketoaskafewquestions,yourMajesty,”hesaid. “Goahead,”repliedtheKing. “TheseOzpeoplearequitegood,aretheynot?” “Asgoodasapplepie,”saidtheKing. “Andtheyarehappy,Isuppose?”continuedtheoldNome. “Happyasthedayislong,”saidtheKing. “Andcontentedandprosperous?”inquiredtheNome. “Verymuchso,”saidtheKing. “Well,yourMajesty,”remarkedheofthewhitewhiskers,“IthinkIshouldliketoundertakethejob,soI’llbeyourGeneral. Ihategoodpeople;Idetesthappypeople;I’mopposedtoanyonewhoiscontentedandprosperous. ThatiswhyIamsofondofyourMajesty. MakemeyourGeneralandI’llpromisetoconqueranddestroytheOzpeople. IfIfailI’mreadytobeslicedthinandfedtotheseven-headeddogs.” “Verygood!Verygood,indeed!That’sthewaytotalk!”criedRoquattheRed,whowasgreatlypleased.“Whatisyourname,General?” “I’mcalledGuph,yourMajesty.” “Well,Guph,comewithmetomyprivatecave,andwe’lltalkitover.”Thenheturnedtothearmy. “Nomesandsoldiers,”saidhe,“youaretoobeythecommandsofGeneralGuphuntilhebecomesdog-feed. AnymanwhofailstoobeyhisnewGeneralwillbepromptlythrownaway.Youarenowdismissed.” GuphwenttotheKing’sprivatecaveandsatdownuponanamethystchairandputhisfeetonthearmoftheKing’srubythrone. ThenhelightedhispipeandthrewthelivecoalhehadtakenfromhispocketupontheKing’sleftfootandpuffedthesmokeintotheKing’seyesandmadehimselfcomfortable. ForhewasawiseoldNome,andheknewthatthebestwaytogetalongwithRoquattheRedwastoshowthathewasnotafraidofhim. “I’mreadyforthetalk,yourMajesty,”hesaid. TheKingcoughedandlookedathisnewGeneralfiercely. “Doyounottrembletotakesuchlibertieswithyourmonarch?”heasked. “Ohno,”repliedGuph,calmly,andheblewawreathofsmokethatcurledaroundtheKing’snoseandmadehimsneeze. “YouwanttoconquertheEmeraldCity,andI’mtheonlyNomeinallyourdominionswhocanconquerit. SoyouwillbeverycarefulnottohurtmeuntilIhavecarriedoutyourwishes.Afterthat—” “Well,whatthen?”inquiredtheKing. “Thenyouwillbesogratefultomethatyouwon’tcaretohurtme,”repliedtheGeneral. “Thatisaverygoodargument,”saidRoquat.“Butsupposeyoufail?” “Thenit’stheslicingmachine.Iagreetothat,”announcedGuph. “ButifyoudoasItellyoutherewillbenofailure. Thetroublewithyou,Roquat,isthatyoudon’tthinkcarefullyenough.Ido. YouwouldgoaheadandmarchthroughyourtunnelintoOz,andgetdefeatedanddrivenback.Iwon’t. AndthereasonIwon’tisbecausewhenImarchI’llhaveallmyplansmade,andahostofalliestoassistmyNomes.” “Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”askedtheKing. “I’llexplain,KingRoquat.You’regoingtoattackafairycountry,andamightyfairycountry,too. Theyhaven’tmuchofanarmyinOz,butthePrincesswhorulesthemhasafairywand;andthelittlegirlDorothyhasyourMagicBelt;andattheNorthoftheEmeraldCitylivesacleversorceresscalledGlindatheGood,whocommandsthespiritsoftheair. AlsoIhaveheardthatthereisawonderfulWizardinOzma’spalace,whoissoskillfulthatpeopleusedtopayhimmoneyinAmericatoseehimperform. Soyouseeitwillbenoeasythingtoovercomeallthismagic.” “Wehavefiftythousandsoldiers!”criedtheKingproudly. “Yes;buttheyareNomes,”remarkedGuph,takingasilkhandkerchieffromtheKing’spocketandwipinghisownpointedshoeswithit. “Nomesareimmortals,buttheyarenotstrongonmagic. WhenyoulostyourfamousBeltthegreaterpartofyourownpowerwasgonefromyou. AgainstOzmayouandyourNomeswouldhavenoshowatall.” Roquat’seyesflashedangrily. “Thenawayyougototheslicingmachine!”hecried. “Notyet,”saidtheGeneral,fillinghispipefromtheKing’sprivatetobaccopouch. “Whatdoyouproposetodo?”askedthemonarch. “Iproposetoobtainthepowerweneed,”answeredGuph. “ThereareagoodmanyevilcreatureswhohavemagicpowerssufficienttodestroyandconquertheLandofOz. Wewillgetthemonourside,bandthemalltogether,andthentakeOzmaandherpeoplebysurprise. It’sallverysimpleandeasywhenyouknowhow. Alone,weshouldbehelplesstoinjuretheRulerofOz,butwiththeaidoftheevilpowerswecansummonweshalleasilysucceed.” KingRoquatwasdelightedwiththisidea,forherealizedhowcleveritwas. “Surely,Guph,youarethegreatestGeneralIhaveeverhad!” heexclaimed,hiseyessparklingwithjoy. “Youmustgoatonceandmakearrangementswiththeevilpowerstoassistus,andmeantimeI’llbegintodigthetunnel.” “Ithoughtyou’dagreewithme,Roquat,”repliedthenewGeneral.“I’llstartthisveryafternoontovisittheChiefoftheWhimsies.” 
