English
ThemorningthatfollowedthefatefulinterviewwithDouniaandhermotherbroughtsoberinginfluencestobearonPyotrPetrovitch.
Intenselyunpleasantasitwas,hewasforcedlittlebylittletoacceptasafactbeyondrecallwhathadseemedtohimonlythedaybeforefantasticandincredible.
Theblacksnakeofwoundedvanityhadbeengnawingathisheartallnight.
Whenhegotoutofbed,PyotrPetrovitchimmediatelylookedinthelooking-glass.Hewasafraidthathehadjaundice.
Howeverhishealthseemedunimpairedsofar,andlookingathisnoble,clear-skinnedcountenancewhichhadgrownfattishoflate,PyotrPetrovitchforaninstantwaspositivelycomfortedintheconvictionthathewouldfindanotherbrideand,perhaps,evenabetterone.
Butcomingbacktothesenseofhispresentposition,heturnedasideandspatvigorously,whichexcitedasarcasticsmileinAndreySemyonovitchLebeziatnikov,theyoungfriendwithwhomhewasstaying.
ThatsmilePyotrPetrovitchnoticed,andatoncesetitdownagainsthisyoungfriend’saccount.
Hehadsetdownagoodmanypointsagainsthimoflate.
HisangerwasredoubledwhenhereflectedthatheoughtnottohavetoldAndreySemyonovitchabouttheresultofyesterday’sinterview.
Thatwasthesecondmistakehehadmadeintemper,throughimpulsivenessandirritability….
Moreover,allthatmorningoneunpleasantnessfollowedanother.
Heevenfoundahitchawaitinghiminhislegalcaseinthesenate.
Hewasparticularlyirritatedbytheowneroftheflatwhichhadbeentakeninviewofhisapproachingmarriageandwasbeingredecoratedathisownexpense;theowner,arichGermantradesman,wouldnotentertaintheideaofbreakingthecontractwhichhadjustbeensignedandinsistedonthefullforfeitmoney,thoughPyotrPetrovitchwouldbegivinghimbacktheflatpracticallyredecorated.
Inthesamewaytheupholsterersrefusedtoreturnasingleroubleoftheinstalmentpaidforthefurniturepurchasedbutnotyetremovedtotheflat.
“AmItogetmarriedsimplyforthesakeofthefurniture?”
PyotrPetrovitchgroundhisteethandatthesametimeoncemorehehadagleamofdesperatehope.
“Canallthatbereallysoirrevocablyover?Isitnousetomakeanothereffort?”
ThethoughtofDouniasentavoluptuouspangthroughhisheart.
Heenduredanguishatthatmoment,andifithadbeenpossibletoslayRaskolnikovinstantlybywishingit,PyotrPetrovitchwouldpromptlyhaveutteredthewish.
“Itwasmymistake,too,nottohavegiventhemmoney,”hethought,ashereturneddejectedlytoLebeziatnikov’sroom,“andwhyonearthwasIsuchaJew?Itwasfalseeconomy!
Imeanttokeepthemwithoutapennysothattheyshouldturntomeastheirprovidence,andlookatthem!foo!
IfI’dspentsomefifteenhundredroublesonthemforthetrousseauandpresents,onknick-knacks,dressing-cases,jewellery,materials,andallthatsortoftrashfromKnopp’sandtheEnglishshop,mypositionwouldhavebeenbetterand…stronger!
Theycouldnothaverefusedmesoeasily!
Theyarethesortofpeoplethatwouldfeelboundtoreturnmoneyandpresentsiftheybrokeitoff;andtheywouldfindithardtodoit!
Andtheirconsciencewouldprickthem:howcanwedismissamanwhohashithertobeensogenerousanddelicate?....H’m!I’vemadeablunder.”
Andgrindinghisteethagain,PyotrPetrovitchcalledhimselfafool—butnotaloud,ofcourse.
Hereturnedhome,twiceasirritatedandangryasbefore.
ThepreparationsforthefuneraldinneratKaterinaIvanovna’sexcitedhiscuriosityashepassed.
Hehadheardaboutitthedaybefore;hefancied,indeed,thathehadbeeninvited,butabsorbedinhisowncareshehadpaidnoattention.
InquiringofMadameLippevechselwhowasbusylayingthetablewhileKaterinaIvanovnawasawayatthecemetery,heheardthattheentertainmentwastobeagreataffair,thatallthelodgershadbeeninvited,amongthemsomewhohadnotknownthedeadman,thatevenAndreySemyonovitchLebeziatnikovwasinvitedinspiteofhispreviousquarrelwithKaterinaIvanovna,thathe,PyotrPetrovitch,wasnotonlyinvited,butwaseagerlyexpectedashewasthemostimportantofthelodgers.
AmaliaIvanovnaherselfhadbeeninvitedwithgreatceremonyinspiteoftherecentunpleasantness,andsoshewasverybusywithpreparationsandwastakingapositivepleasureinthem;shewasmoreoverdresseduptothenines,allinnewblacksilk,andshewasproudofit.
AllthissuggestedanideatoPyotrPetrovitchandhewentintohisroom,orratherLebeziatnikov’s,somewhatthoughtful.
HehadlearntthatRaskolnikovwastobeoneoftheguests.
AndreySemyonovitchhadbeenathomeallthemorning.
TheattitudeofPyotrPetrovitchtothisgentlemanwasstrange,thoughperhapsnatural.
PyotrPetrovitchhaddespisedandhatedhimfromthedayhecametostaywithhimandatthesametimeheseemedsomewhatafraidofhim.
HehadnotcometostaywithhimonhisarrivalinPetersburgsimplyfromparsimony,thoughthathadbeenperhapshischiefobject.
HehadheardofAndreySemyonovitch,whohadoncebeenhisward,asaleadingyoungprogressivewhowastakinganimportantpartincertaininterestingcircles,thedoingsofwhichwerealegendintheprovinces.IthadimpressedPyotrPetrovitch.
Thesepowerfulomniscientcircleswhodespisedeveryoneandshowedeveryoneuphadlonginspiredinhimapeculiarbutquitevaguealarm.
Hehadnot,ofcourse,beenabletoformevenanapproximatenotionofwhattheymeant.
He,likeeveryone,hadheardthattherewere,especiallyinPetersburg,progressivesofsomesort,nihilistsandsoon,and,likemanypeople,heexaggeratedanddistortedthesignificanceofthosewordstoanabsurddegree.
WhatformanyyearspasthehadfearedmorethananythingwasbeingshownupandthiswasthechiefgroundforhiscontinualuneasinessatthethoughtoftransferringhisbusinesstoPetersburg.
Hewasafraidofthisaslittlechildrenaresometimespanic-stricken.
Someyearsbefore,whenhewasjustenteringonhisowncareer,hehadcomeupontwocasesinwhichratherimportantpersonagesintheprovince,patronsofhis,hadbeencruellyshownup.
Oneinstancehadendedingreatscandalforthepersonattackedandtheotherhadverynearlyendedinserioustrouble.
ForthisreasonPyotrPetrovitchintendedtogointothesubjectassoonashereachedPetersburgand,ifnecessary,toanticipatecontingenciesbyseekingthefavourof“ouryoungergeneration.”
HereliedonAndreySemyonovitchforthisandbeforehisvisittoRaskolnikovhehadsucceededinpickingupsomecurrentphrases.
HesoondiscoveredthatAndreySemyonovitchwasacommonplacesimpleton,butthatbynomeansreassuredPyotrPetrovitch.
Evenifhehadbeencertainthatalltheprogressiveswerefoolslikehim,itwouldnothaveallayedhisuneasiness.
Allthedoctrines,theideas,thesystems,withwhichAndreySemyonovitchpesteredhimhadnointerestforhim.
Hehadhisownobject—hesimplywantedtofindoutatoncewhatwashappeninghere.Hadthesepeopleanypowerornot?Hadheanythingtofearfromthem?
Wouldtheyexposeanyenterpriseofhis?
Andwhatpreciselywasnowtheobjectoftheirattacks?
Couldhesomehowmakeuptothemandgetroundthemiftheyreallywerepowerful?Wasthisthethingtodoornot?
Couldn’thegainsomethingthroughthem?
Infacthundredsofquestionspresentedthemselves.
AndreySemyonovitchwasananæmic,scrofulouslittleman,withstrangelyflaxenmutton-chopwhiskersofwhichhewasveryproud.
Hewasaclerkandhadalmostalwayssomethingwrongwithhiseyes.
Hewasrathersoft-hearted,butself-confidentandsometimesextremelyconceitedinspeech,whichhadanabsurdeffect,incongruouswithhislittlefigure.
HewasoneofthelodgersmostrespectedbyAmaliaIvanovna,forhedidnotgetdrunkandpaidregularlyforhislodgings.
AndreySemyonovitchreallywasratherstupid;heattachedhimselftothecauseofprogressand“ouryoungergeneration”fromenthusiasm.
Hewasoneofthenumerousandvariedlegionofdullards,ofhalf-animateabortions,conceited,half-educatedcoxcombs,whoattachthemselvestotheideamostinfashiononlytovulgariseitandwhocaricatureeverycausetheyserve,howeversincerely.
ThoughLebeziatnikovwassogood-natured,he,too,wasbeginningtodislikePyotrPetrovitch.
Thishappenedonbothsidesunconsciously.
HoweversimpleAndreySemyonovitchmightbe,hebegantoseethatPyotrPetrovitchwasdupinghimandsecretlydespisinghim,andthat“hewasnottherightsortofman.”
HehadtriedexpoundingtohimthesystemofFourierandtheDarwiniantheory,butoflatePyotrPetrovitchbegantolistentoosarcasticallyandeventoberude.
ThefactwashehadbeguninstinctivelytoguessthatLebeziatnikovwasnotmerelyacommonplacesimpleton,but,perhaps,aliar,too,andthathehadnoconnectionsofanyconsequenceeveninhisowncircle,buthadsimplypickedthingsupthird-hand;andthatverylikelyhedidnotevenknowmuchabouthisownworkofpropaganda,forhewasintoogreatamuddle.
Afinepersonhewouldbetoshowanyoneup!
Itmustbenoted,bytheway,thatPyotrPetrovitchhadduringthosetendayseagerlyacceptedthestrangestpraisefromAndreySemyonovitch;hehadnotprotested,forinstance,whenAndreySemyonovitchbelaudedhimforbeingreadytocontributetotheestablishmentofthenew“commune,”ortoabstainfromchristeninghisfuturechildren,ortoacquiesceifDouniaweretotakealoveramonthaftermarriage,andsoon.
PyotrPetrovitchsoenjoyedhearinghisownpraisesthathedidnotdisdainevensuchvirtueswhentheywereattributedtohim.
PyotrPetrovitchhadhadoccasionthatmorningtorealisesomefive-per-centbondsandnowhesatdowntothetableandcountedoverbundlesofnotes.
AndreySemyonovitchwhohardlyeverhadanymoneywalkedabouttheroompretendingtohimselftolookatallthosebanknoteswithindifferenceandevencontempt.
NothingwouldhaveconvincedPyotrPetrovitchthatAndreySemyonovitchcouldreallylookonthemoneyunmoved,andthelatter,onhisside,keptthinkingbitterlythatPyotrPetrovitchwascapableofentertainingsuchanideaabouthimandwas,perhaps,gladoftheopportunityofteasinghisyoungfriendbyremindinghimofhisinferiorityandthegreatdifferencebetweenthem.
Hefoundhimincrediblyinattentiveandirritable,thoughhe,AndreySemyonovitch,beganenlargingonhisfavouritesubject,thefoundationofanewspecial“commune.”
ThebriefremarksthatdroppedfromPyotrPetrovitchbetweentheclickingofthebeadsonthereckoningframebetrayedunmistakableanddiscourteousirony.
Butthe“humane”AndreySemyonovitchascribedPyotrPetrovitch’sill-humourtohisrecentbreachwithDouniaandhewasburningwithimpatiencetodiscourseonthattheme.
Hehadsomethingprogressivetosayonthesubjectwhichmightconsolehisworthyfriendand“couldnotfail”topromotehisdevelopment.
“Thereissomesortoffestivitybeingpreparedatthat…atthewidow’s,isn’tthere?”PyotrPetrovitchaskedsuddenly,interruptingAndreySemyonovitchatthemostinterestingpassage.
“Why,don’tyouknow?Why,IwastellingyoulastnightwhatIthinkaboutallsuchceremonies.Andsheinvitedyoutoo,Iheard.Youweretalkingtoheryesterday…”
“Ishouldneverhaveexpectedthatbeggarlyfoolwouldhavespentonthisfeastallthemoneyshegotfromthatotherfool,Raskolnikov.
IwassurprisedjustnowasIcamethroughatthepreparationsthere,thewines!Severalpeopleareinvited.It’sbeyondeverything!”
continuedPyotrPetrovitch,whoseemedtohavesomeobjectinpursuingtheconversation.“What?YousayIamaskedtoo?Whenwasthat?Idon’tremember.ButIshan’tgo.WhyshouldI?
Ionlysaidawordtoherinpassingyesterdayofthepossibilityofherobtainingayear’ssalaryasadestitutewidowofagovernmentclerk.
Isupposeshehasinvitedmeonthataccount,hasn’tshe?He-he-he!”
“Idon’tintendtogoeither,”saidLebeziatnikov.
“Ishouldthinknot,aftergivingherathrashing!Youmightwellhesitate,he-he!”
“Whothrashed?Whom?”criedLebeziatnikov,flusteredandblushing.
“Why,youthrashedKaterinaIvanovnaamonthago.
Iheardsoyesterday…sothat’swhatyourconvictionsamountto…andthewomanquestion,too,wasn’tquitesound,he-he-he!”
andPyotrPetrovitch,asthoughcomforted,wentbacktoclickinghisbeads.
“It’sallslanderandnonsense!”criedLebeziatnikov,whowasalwaysafraidofallusionstothesubject.
“Itwasnotlikethatatall,itwasquitedifferent.You’vehearditwrong;it’salibel.Iwassimplydefendingmyself.
Sherushedatmefirstwithhernails,shepulledoutallmywhiskers….
It’spermissableforanyone,Ishouldhope,todefendhimselfandIneverallowanyonetouseviolencetomeonprinciple,forit’sanactofdespotism.WhatwasItodo?Isimplypushedherback.”
“He-he-he!”Luzhinwentonlaughingmaliciously.
“Youkeeponlikethatbecauseyouareoutofhumouryourself….
Butthat’snonsenseandithasnothing,nothingwhatevertodowiththewomanquestion!
Youdon’tunderstand;Iusedtothink,indeed,thatifwomenareequaltomeninallrespects,eveninstrength(asismaintainednow)thereoughttobeequalityinthat,too.
Ofcourse,Ireflectedafterwardsthatsuchaquestionoughtnotreallytoarise,forthereoughtnottobefightingandinthefuturesocietyfightingisunthinkable…andthatitwouldbeaqueerthingtoseekforequalityinfighting.
Iamnotsostupid…though,ofcourse,thereisfighting…therewon’tbelater,butatpresentthereis…confoundit!Howmuddledonegetswithyou!
It’snotonthataccountthatIamnotgoing.
Iamnotgoingonprinciple,nottotakepartintherevoltingconventionofmemorialdinners,that’swhy!
Though,ofcourse,onemightgotolaughatit….
Iamsorrytherewon’tbeanypriestsatit.Ishouldcertainlygoiftherewere.”
“Thenyouwouldsitdownatanotherman’stableandinsultitandthosewhoinvitedyou.Eh?”
“Certainlynotinsult,butprotest.Ishoulddoitwithagoodobject.
Imightindirectlyassistthecauseofenlightenmentandpropaganda.
It’sadutyofeverymantoworkforenlightenmentandpropagandaandthemoreharshly,perhaps,thebetter.Imightdropaseed,anidea….
Andsomethingmightgrowupfromthatseed.HowshouldIbeinsultingthem?
Theymightbeoffendedatfirst,butafterwardsthey’dseeI’ddonethemaservice.
Youknow,Terebyeva(whoisinthecommunitynow)wasblamedbecausewhensheleftherfamilyand…devoted…herself,shewrotetoherfatherandmotherthatshewouldn’tgoonlivingconventionallyandwasenteringonafreemarriageanditwassaidthatthatwastooharsh,thatshemighthavesparedthemandhavewrittenmorekindly.
Ithinkthat’sallnonsenseandthere’snoneedofsoftness;onthecontrary,what’swantedisprotest.
Varentshadbeenmarriedsevenyears,sheabandonedhertwochildren,shetoldherhusbandstraightoutinaletter:‘IhaverealisedthatIcannotbehappywithyou.
Icanneverforgiveyouthatyouhavedeceivedmebyconcealingfrommethatthereisanotherorganisationofsocietybymeansofthecommunities.
Ihaveonlylatelylearneditfromagreat-heartedmantowhomIhavegivenmyselfandwithwhomIamestablishingacommunity.
IspeakplainlybecauseIconsideritdishonesttodeceiveyou.Doasyouthinkbest.
Donothopetogetmeback,youaretoolate.Ihopeyouwillbehappy.’
That’showletterslikethatoughttobewritten!”
“IsthatTerebyevatheoneyousaidhadmadeathirdfreemarriage?”
“No,it’sonlythesecond,really!Butwhatifitwerethefourth,whatifitwerethefifteenth,that’sallnonsense!
AndifeverIregrettedthedeathofmyfatherandmother,itisnow,andIsometimesthinkifmyparentswerelivingwhataprotestIwouldhaveaimedatthem!
Iwouldhavedonesomethingonpurpose…Iwouldhaveshownthem!Iwouldhaveastonishedthem!Iamreallysorrythereisnoone!”
“Tosurprise!He-he!
Well,bethatasyouwill,”PyotrPetrovitchinterrupted,“buttellmethis;doyouknowthedeadman’sdaughter,thedelicate-lookinglittlething?
It’struewhattheysayabouther,isn’tit?”
“Whatofit?Ithink,thatis,itismyownpersonalconvictionthatthisisthenormalconditionofwomen.Whynot?Imean,distinguons.
Inourpresentsocietyitisnotaltogethernormal,becauseitiscompulsory,butinthefuturesocietyitwillbeperfectlynormal,becauseitwillbevoluntary.
Evenasitis,shewasquiteright:shewassufferingandthatwasherasset,sotospeak,hercapitalwhichshehadaperfectrighttodisposeof.
Ofcourse,inthefuturesocietytherewillbenoneedofassets,butherpartwillhaveanothersignificance,rationalandinharmonywithherenvironment.
AstoSofyaSemyonovnapersonally,Iregardheractionasavigorousprotestagainsttheorganisationofsociety,andIrespectherdeeplyforit;IrejoiceindeedwhenIlookather!”
“Iwastoldthatyougotherturnedoutoftheselodgings.”
Lebeziatnikovwasenraged.
“That’sanotherslander,”heyelled.“Itwasnotsoatall!
ThatwasallKaterinaIvanovna’sinvention,forshedidnotunderstand!
AndInevermadelovetoSofyaSemyonovna!
Iwassimplydevelopingher,entirelydisinterestedly,tryingtorousehertoprotest….
AllIwantedwasherprotestandSofyaSemyonovnacouldnothaveremainedhereanyway!”
“Haveyouaskedhertojoinyourcommunity?”
“Youkeeponlaughingandveryinappropriately,allowmetotellyou.Youdon’tunderstand!Thereisnosuchrôleinacommunity.
Thecommunityisestablishedthatthereshouldbenosuchrôles.
Inacommunity,sucharôleisessentiallytransformedandwhatisstupidhereissensiblethere,what,underpresentconditions,isunnaturalbecomesperfectlynaturalinthecommunity.Italldependsontheenvironment.
It’salltheenvironmentandmanhimselfisnothing.
AndIamongoodtermswithSofyaSemyonovnatothisday,whichisaproofthatsheneverregardedmeashavingwrongedher.
Iamtryingnowtoattracthertothecommunity,butonquite,quiteadifferentfooting.Whatareyoulaughingat?
Wearetryingtoestablishacommunityofourown,aspecialone,onabroaderbasis.
Wehavegonefurtherinourconvictions.Werejectmore!
AndmeanwhileI’mstilldevelopingSofyaSemyonovna.
Shehasabeautiful,beautifulcharacter!”
“Andyoutakeadvantageofherfinecharacter,eh?He-he!”
“No,no!Oh,no!Onthecontrary.”
“Oh,onthecontrary!He-he-he!Aqueerthingtosay!”
“Believeme!WhyshouldIdisguiseit?Infact,Ifeelitstrangemyselfhowtimid,chasteandmodernsheiswithme!”
“Andyou,ofcourse,aredevelopingher…he-he!tryingtoprovetoherthatallthatmodestyisnonsense?”
“Notatall,notatall!Howcoarsely,howstupidly—excusemesayingso—youmisunderstandtheworddevelopment!Goodheavens,how…crudeyoustillare!
Wearestrivingforthefreedomofwomenandyouhaveonlyoneideainyourhead….
Settingasidethegeneralquestionofchastityandfemininemodestyasuselessinthemselvesandindeedprejudices,Ifullyacceptherchastitywithme,becausethat’sforhertodecide.
Ofcourseifsheweretotellmeherselfthatshewantedme,Ishouldthinkmyselfverylucky,becauseIlikethegirlverymuch;butasitis,noonehasevertreatedhermorecourteouslythanI,withmorerespectforherdignity…Iwaitinhopes,that’sall!”
“Youhadmuchbettermakeherapresentofsomething.Ibetyouneverthoughtofthat.”
“Youdon’tunderstand,asI’vetoldyoualready!
Ofcourse,sheisinsuchaposition,butit’sanotherquestion.Quiteanotherquestion!Yousimplydespiseher.
Seeingafactwhichyoumistakenlyconsiderdeservingofcontempt,yourefusetotakeahumaneviewofafellowcreature.Youdon’tknowwhatacharactersheis!
Iamonlysorrythatoflateshehasquitegivenupreadingandborrowingbooks.Iusedtolendthemtoher.
Iamsorry,too,thatwithalltheenergyandresolutioninprotesting—whichshehasalreadyshownonce—shehaslittleself-reliance,little,sotosay,independence,soastobreakfreefromcertainprejudicesandcertainfoolishideas.
Yetshethoroughlyunderstandssomequestions,forinstanceaboutkissingofhands,thatis,thatit’saninsulttoawomanforamantokissherhand,becauseit’sasignofinequality.
WehadadebateaboutitandIdescribedittoher.
Shelistenedattentivelytoanaccountoftheworkmen’sassociationsinFrance,too.
NowIamexplainingthequestionofcomingintotheroominthefuturesociety.”
“Andwhat’sthat,pray?”
“Wehadadebatelatelyonthequestion:Hasamemberofthecommunitytherighttoenteranothermember’sroom,whethermanorwoman,atanytime…andwedecidedthathehas!”
“Itmightbeataninconvenientmoment,he-he!”
Lebeziatnikovwasreallyangry.
“Youarealwaysthinkingofsomethingunpleasant,”hecriedwithaversion.“Tfoo!
HowvexedIamthatwhenIwasexpoundingoursystem,Ireferredprematurelytothequestionofpersonalprivacy!
It’salwaysastumbling-blocktopeoplelikeyou,theyturnitintoridiculebeforetheyunderstandit.Andhowproudtheyareofit,too!Tfoo!
I’veoftenmaintainedthatthatquestionshouldnotbeapproachedbyanovicetillhehasafirmfaithinthesystem.
Andtellme,please,whatdoyoufindsoshamefulevenincesspools?
Ishouldbethefirsttobereadytocleanoutanycesspoolyoulike.
Andit’snotaquestionofself-sacrifice,it’ssimplywork,honourable,usefulworkwhichisasgoodasanyotherandmuchbetterthantheworkofaRaphaelandaPushkin,becauseitismoreuseful.”
“Andmorehonourable,morehonourable,he-he-he!”
“Whatdoyoumeanby‘morehonourable’?Idon’tunderstandsuchexpressionstodescribehumanactivity.
‘Morehonourable,’‘nobler’—allthoseareold-fashionedprejudiceswhichIreject.
Everythingwhichisofusetomankindishonourable.Ionlyunderstandoneword:useful!
Youcansniggerasmuchasyoulike,butthat’sso!”
PyotrPetrovitchlaughedheartily.Hehadfinishedcountingthemoneyandwasputtingitaway.
Butsomeofthenotesheleftonthetable.
The“cesspoolquestion”hadalreadybeenasubjectofdisputebetweenthem.
WhatwasabsurdwasthatitmadeLebeziatnikovreallyangry,whileitamusedLuzhinandatthatmomentheparticularlywantedtoangerhisyoungfriend.
“It’syourill-luckyesterdaythatmakesyousoill-humouredandannoying,”blurtedoutLebeziatnikov,whoinspiteofhis“independence”andhis“protests”didnotventuretoopposePyotrPetrovitchandstillbehavedtohimwithsomeoftherespecthabitualinearlieryears.
“You’dbettertellmethis,”PyotrPetrovitchinterruptedwithhaughtydispleasure,“canyou…orratherareyoureallyfriendlyenoughwiththatyoungpersontoaskhertostepinhereforaminute?
Ithinkthey’veallcomebackfromthecemetery…Iheardthesoundofsteps…Iwanttoseeher,thatyoungperson.”
“Whatfor?”Lebeziatnikovaskedwithsurprise.
“Oh,Iwantto.Iamleavinghereto-dayorto-morrowandthereforeIwantedtospeaktoherabout…However,youmaybepresentduringtheinterview.It’sbetteryoushouldbe,indeed.
Forthere’snoknowingwhatyoumightimagine.”
“Ishan’timagineanything.Ionlyaskedand,ifyou’veanythingtosaytoher,nothingiseasierthantocallherin.I’llgodirectlyandyoumaybesureIwon’tbeinyourway.”
FiveminuteslaterLebeziatnikovcameinwithSonia.
Shecameinverymuchsurprisedandovercomewithshynessasusual.
Shewasalwaysshyinsuchcircumstancesandwasalwaysafraidofnewpeople,shehadbeenasachildandwasevenmoresonow….
PyotrPetrovitchmether“politelyandaffably,”butwithacertainshadeofbanteringfamiliaritywhichinhisopinionwassuitableforamanofhisrespectabilityandweightindealingwithacreaturesoyoungandsointerestingasshe.
Hehastenedto“reassure”herandmadehersitdownfacinghimatthetable.
Soniasatdown,lookedabouther—atLebeziatnikov,atthenoteslyingonthetableandthenagainatPyotrPetrovitchandhereyesremainedrivetedonhim.Lebeziatnikovwasmovingtothedoor.
PyotrPetrovitchsignedtoSoniatoremainseatedandstoppedLebeziatnikov.
“IsRaskolnikovinthere?Hashecome?”heaskedhiminawhisper.
“Raskolnikov?Yes.Why?Yes,heisthere.Isawhimjustcomein….Why?”
“Well,Iparticularlybegyoutoremainherewithusandnottoleavemealonewiththis…youngwoman.
Ionlywantafewwordswithher,butGodknowswhattheymaymakeofit.
Ishouldn’tlikeRaskolnikovtorepeatanything….YouunderstandwhatImean?”
“Iunderstand!”Lebeziatnikovsawthepoint.“Yes,youareright….
Ofcourse,Iamconvincedpersonallythatyouhavenoreasontobeuneasy,but…still,youareright.CertainlyI’llstay.
I’llstandhereatthewindowandnotbeinyourway…Ithinkyouareright…”
PyotrPetrovitchreturnedtothesofa,satdownoppositeSonia,lookedattentivelyatherandassumedanextremelydignified,evensevereexpression,asmuchastosay,“don’tyoumakeanymistake,madam.”
Soniawasoverwhelmedwithembarrassment.
“Inthefirstplace,SofyaSemyonovna,willyoumakemyexcusestoyourrespectedmamma….That’sright,isn’tit?
KaterinaIvanovnastandsintheplaceofamothertoyou?”
PyotrPetrovitchbeganwithgreatdignity,thoughaffably.
Itwasevidentthathisintentionswerefriendly.
“Quiteso,yes;theplaceofamother,”Soniaanswered,timidlyandhurriedly.
“Thenwillyoumakemyapologiestoher?ThroughinevitablecircumstancesIamforcedtobeabsentandshallnotbeatthedinnerinspiteofyourmamma’skindinvitation.”
“Yes…I’lltellher…atonce.”
AndSoniahastilyjumpedupfromherseat.
“Wait,that’snotall,”PyotrPetrovitchdetainedher,smilingathersimplicityandignoranceofgoodmanners,“andyouknowmelittle,mydearSofyaSemyonovna,ifyousupposeIwouldhaveventuredtotroubleapersonlikeyouforamatterofsolittleconsequenceaffectingmyselfonly.Ihaveanotherobject.”
Soniasatdownhurriedly.Hereyesrestedagainforaninstantonthegrey-and-rainbow-colourednotesthatremainedonthetable,butshequicklylookedawayandfixedhereyesonPyotrPetrovitch.
Shefeltithorriblyindecorous,especiallyforher,tolookatanotherperson’smoney.
Shestaredatthegoldeye-glasswhichPyotrPetrovitchheldinhislefthandandatthemassiveandextremelyhandsomeringwithayellowstoneonhismiddlefinger.
Butsuddenlyshelookedawayand,notknowingwheretoturn,endedbystaringPyotrPetrovitchagainstraightintheface.
Afterapauseofstillgreaterdignityhecontinued.
“IchancedyesterdayinpassingtoexchangeacoupleofwordswithKaterinaIvanovna,poorwoman.
Thatwassufficienttoenablemetoascertainthatsheisinaposition—preternatural,ifonemaysoexpressit.”
“Yes…preternatural…”Soniahurriedlyassented.
“Oritwouldbesimplerandmorecomprehensibletosay,ill.”
“Yes,simplerandmorecomprehen…yes,ill.”
“Quiteso.Sothenfromafeelingofhumanityandsotospeakcompassion,Ishouldbegladtobeofservicetoherinanyway,foreseeingherunfortunateposition.
Ibelievethewholeofthispoverty-strickenfamilydependsnowentirelyonyou?”
“Allowmetoask,”Soniarosetoherfeet,“didyousaysomethingtoheryesterdayofthepossibilityofapension?Becauseshetoldmeyouhadundertakentogetherone.Wasthattrue?”
“Notintheslightest,andindeedit’sanabsurdity!
Imerelyhintedatherobtainingtemporaryassistanceasthewidowofanofficialwhohaddiedintheservice—ifonlyshehaspatronage…butapparentlyyourlateparenthadnotservedhisfulltermandhadnotindeedbeenintheserviceatalloflate.
Infact,iftherecouldbeanyhope,itwouldbeveryephemeral,becausetherewouldbenoclaimforassistanceinthatcase,farfromit….
Andsheisdreamingofapensionalready,he-he-he!...Ago-aheadlady!”
“Yes,sheis.Forsheiscredulousandgood-hearted,andshebelieveseverythingfromthegoodnessofherheartand…and…andsheislikethat…yes…Youmustexcuseher,”saidSonia,andagainshegotuptogo.
“Butyouhaven’theardwhatIhavetosay.”
“No,Ihaven’theard,”mutteredSonia.
“Thensitdown.”Shewasterriblyconfused;shesatdownagainathirdtime.
“Seeingherpositionwithherunfortunatelittleones,Ishouldbeglad,asIhavesaidbefore,sofarasliesinmypower,tobeofservice,thatis,sofarasisinmypower,notmore.
Onemightforinstancegetupasubscriptionforher,oralottery,somethingofthesort,suchasisalwaysarrangedinsuchcasesbyfriendsorevenoutsidersdesirousofassistingpeople.
ItwasofthatIintendedtospeaktoyou;itmightbedone.”
“Yes,yes…Godwillrepayyouforit,”falteredSonia,gazingintentlyatPyotrPetrovitch.
“Itmightbe,butwewilltalkofitlater.
Wemightbeginitto-day,wewilltalkitoverthiseveningandlaythefoundationsotospeak.Cometomeatseveno’clock.
Mr.Lebeziatnikov,Ihope,willassistus.
ButthereisonecircumstanceofwhichIoughttowarnyoubeforehandandforwhichIventuretotroubleyou,SofyaSemyonovna,tocomehere.
Inmyopinionmoneycannotbe,indeedit’sunsafetoputitintoKaterinaIvanovna’sownhands.Thedinnerto-dayisaproofofthat.
Thoughshehasnot,sotospeak,acrustofbreadforto-morrowand…well,bootsorshoes,oranything;shehasboughtto-dayJamaicarum,andeven,Ibelieve,Madeiraand…andcoffee.IsawitasIpassedthrough.
To-morrowitwillallfalluponyouagain,theywon’thaveacrustofbread.
It’sabsurd,really,andso,tomythinking,asubscriptionoughttoberaisedsothattheunhappywidowshouldnotknowofthemoney,butonlyyou,forinstance.AmIright?”
“Idon’tknow…thisisonlyto-day,onceinherlife….
Shewassoanxioustodohonour,tocelebratethememory….
Andsheisverysensible…butjustasyouthinkandIshallbevery,very…theywillallbe…andGodwillreward…andtheorphans…”
Soniaburstintotears.
“Verywell,then,keepitinmind;andnowwillyouacceptforthebenefitofyourrelationthesmallsumthatIamabletospare,frommepersonally.
Iamveryanxiousthatmynameshouldnotbementionedinconnectionwithit.
Here…havingsotospeakanxietiesofmyown,Icannotdomore…”
AndPyotrPetrovitchheldouttoSoniaaten-roublenotecarefullyunfolded.
Soniatookit,flushedcrimson,jumpedup,mutteredsomethingandbegantakingleave.
PyotrPetrovitchaccompaniedherceremoniouslytothedoor.
Shegotoutoftheroomatlast,agitatedanddistressed,andreturnedtoKaterinaIvanovna,overwhelmedwithconfusion.
AllthistimeLebeziatnikovhadstoodatthewindoworwalkedabouttheroom,anxiousnottointerrupttheconversation;whenSoniahadgonehewalkeduptoPyotrPetrovitchandsolemnlyheldouthishand.
“Iheardandsaweverything,”hesaid,layingstressonthelastverb.
“Thatishonourable,Imeantosay,it’shumane!Youwantedtoavoidgratitude,Isaw!
AndalthoughIcannot,Iconfess,inprinciplesympathisewithprivatecharity,foritnotonlyfailstoeradicatetheevilbutevenpromotesit,yetImustadmitthatIsawyouractionwithpleasure—yes,yes,Ilikeit.”
“That’sallnonsense,”mutteredPyotrPetrovitch,somewhatdisconcerted,lookingcarefullyatLebeziatnikov.
“No,it’snotnonsense!Amanwhohassuffereddistressandannoyanceasyoudidyesterdayandwhoyetcansympathisewiththemiseryofothers,suchaman…eventhoughheismakingasocialmistake—isstilldeservingofrespect!
Ididnotexpectitindeedofyou,PyotrPetrovitch,especiallyasaccordingtoyourideas…oh,whatadrawbackyourideasaretoyou!
Howdistressedyouareforinstancebyyourill-luckyesterday,”criedthesimple-heartedLebeziatnikov,whofeltareturnofaffectionforPyotrPetrovitch.
“And,whatdoyouwantwithmarriage,withlegalmarriage,mydear,noblePyotrPetrovitch?
Whydoyouclingtothislegalityofmarriage?
Well,youmaybeatmeifyoulike,butIamglad,positivelygladithasn’tcomeoff,thatyouarefree,thatyouarenotquitelostforhumanity….yousee,I’vespokenmymind!”
“BecauseIdon’twantinyourfreemarriagetobemadeafoolofandtobringupanotherman’schildren,that’swhyIwantlegalmarriage,”Luzhinrepliedinordertomakesomeanswer.
Heseemedpreoccupiedbysomething.
“Children?Youreferredtochildren,”Lebeziatnikovstartedofflikeawarhorseatthetrumpetcall.
“Childrenareasocialquestionandaquestionoffirstimportance,Iagree;butthequestionofchildrenhasanothersolution.
Somerefusetohavechildrenaltogether,becausetheysuggesttheinstitutionofthefamily.
We’llspeakofchildrenlater,butnowastothequestionofhonour,Iconfessthat’smyweakpoint.
Thathorrid,military,Pushkinexpressionisunthinkableinthedictionaryofthefuture.Whatdoesitmeanindeed?
It’snonsense,therewillbenodeceptioninafreemarriage!
Thatisonlythenaturalconsequenceofalegalmarriage,sotosay,itscorrective,aprotest.
Sothatindeedit’snothumiliating…andifIever,tosupposeanabsurdity,weretobelegallymarried,Ishouldbepositivelygladofit.
Ishouldsaytomywife:‘Mydear,hithertoIhavelovedyou,nowIrespectyou,foryou’veshownyoucanprotest!’Youlaugh!
That’sbecauseyouareofincapableofgettingawayfromprejudices.Confounditall!
Iunderstandnowwheretheunpleasantnessisofbeingdeceivedinalegalmarriage,butit’ssimplyadespicableconsequenceofadespicablepositioninwhichbotharehumiliated.
Whenthedeceptionisopen,asinafreemarriage,thenitdoesnotexist,it’sunthinkable.
Yourwifewillonlyprovehowsherespectsyoubyconsideringyouincapableofopposingherhappinessandavengingyourselfonherforhernewhusband.Damnitall!
IsometimesdreamifIweretobemarried,pfoo!
ImeanifIweretomarry,legallyornot,it’sjustthesame,Ishouldpresentmywifewithaloverifshehadnotfoundoneforherself.
‘Mydear,’Ishouldsay,‘Iloveyou,butevenmorethanthatIdesireyoutorespectme.See!’AmInotright?”
PyotrPetrovitchsniggeredashelistened,butwithoutmuchmerriment.Hehardlyhearditindeed.
HewaspreoccupiedwithsomethingelseandevenLebeziatnikovatlastnoticedit.
PyotrPetrovitchseemedexcitedandrubbedhishands.
Lebeziatnikovrememberedallthisandreflecteduponitafterwards.
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