English
Whenherememberedthesceneafterwards,thisishowRaskolnikovsawit.
Thenoisebehindthedoorincreased,andsuddenlythedoorwasopenedalittle.
“Whatisit?”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,annoyed.“Why,Igaveorders…”
Foraninstanttherewasnoanswer,butitwasevidentthattherewereseveralpersonsatthedoor,andthattheywereapparentlypushingsomebodyback.
“Whatisit?”PorfiryPetrovitchrepeated,uneasily.
“TheprisonerNikolayhasbeenbrought,”someoneanswered.
“Heisnotwanted!Takehimaway!Lethimwait!What’shedoinghere?Howirregular!”criedPorfiry,rushingtothedoor.
“Buthe…”beganthesamevoice,andsuddenlyceased.
Twoseconds,notmore,werespentinactualstruggle,thensomeonegaveaviolentshove,andthenaman,verypale,strodeintotheroom.
Thisman’sappearancewasatfirstsightverystrange.
Hestaredstraightbeforehim,asthoughseeingnothing.
Therewasadeterminedgleaminhiseyes;atthesametimetherewasadeathlypallorinhisface,asthoughhewerebeingledtothescaffold.Hiswhitelipswerefaintlytwitching.
Hewasdressedlikeaworkmanandwasofmediumheight,veryyoung,slim,hishaircutinroundcrop,withthinsparefeatures.
Themanwhomhehadthrustbackfollowedhimintotheroomandsucceededinseizinghimbytheshoulder;hewasawarder;butNikolaypulledhisarmaway.
Severalpersonscrowdedinquisitivelyintothedoorway.Someofthemtriedtogetin.Allthistookplacealmostinstantaneously.
“Goaway,it’stoosoon!Waittillyouaresentfor!...Whyhaveyoubroughthimsosoon?”PorfiryPetrovitchmuttered,extremelyannoyed,andasitwerethrownoutofhisreckoning.
ButNikolaysuddenlykneltdown.
“What’sthematter?”criedPorfiry,surprised.
“Iamguilty!Mineisthesin!Iamthemurderer,”Nikolayarticulatedsuddenly,ratherbreathless,butspeakingfairlyloudly.
Fortensecondstherewassilenceasthoughallhadbeenstruckdumb;eventhewardersteppedback,mechanicallyretreatedtothedoor,andstoodimmovable.
“Whatisit?”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,recoveringfromhismomentarystupefaction.
“I…amthemurderer,”repeatedNikolay,afterabriefpause.
“What…you…what…whomdidyoukill?”PorfiryPetrovitchwasobviouslybewildered.
Nikolayagainwassilentforamoment.
“AlyonaIvanovnaandhersisterLizavetaIvanovna,I…killed…withanaxe.Darknesscameoverme,”headdedsuddenly,andwasagainsilent.
Hestillremainedonhisknees.PorfiryPetrovitchstoodforsomemomentsasthoughmeditating,butsuddenlyrousedhimselfandwavedbacktheuninvitedspectators.
Theyinstantlyvanishedandclosedthedoor.
ThenhelookedtowardsRaskolnikov,whowasstandinginthecorner,staringwildlyatNikolayandmovedtowardshim,butstoppedshort,lookedfromNikolaytoRaskolnikovandthenagainatNikolay,andseemingunabletorestrainhimselfdartedatthelatter.
“You’reintoogreatahurry,”heshoutedathim,almostangrily.“Ididn’taskyouwhatcameoveryou….Speak,didyoukillthem?”
“Iamthemurderer….Iwanttogiveevidence,”Nikolaypronounced.
“Ach!Whatdidyoukillthemwith?”
“Anaxe.Ihaditready.”
“Ach,heisinahurry!Alone?”
Nikolaydidnotunderstandthequestion.
“Didyoudoitalone?”
“Yes,alone.AndMitkaisnotguiltyandhadnoshareinit.”
“Don’tbeinahurryaboutMitka!A-ach!Howwasityourandownstairslikethatatthetime?Theportersmetyouboth!”
“Itwastoputthemoffthescent…IranafterMitka,”Nikolayrepliedhurriedly,asthoughhehadpreparedtheanswer.
“Iknewit!”criedPorfiry,withvexation.“It’snothisowntaleheistelling,”hemutteredasthoughtohimself,andsuddenlyhiseyesrestedonRaskolnikovagain.
HewasapparentlysotakenupwithNikolaythatforamomenthehadforgottenRaskolnikov.Hewasalittletakenaback.
“MydearRodionRomanovitch,excuseme!”heflewuptohim,“thiswon’tdo;I’mafraidyoumustgo…it’snogoodyourstaying…Iwill…yousee,whatasurprise!...Good-bye!”
Andtakinghimbythearm,heshowedhimtothedoor.
“Isupposeyoudidn’texpectit?”saidRaskolnikovwho,thoughhehadnotyetfullygraspedthesituation,hadregainedhiscourage.
“Youdidnotexpectiteither,myfriend.Seehowyourhandistrembling!He-he!”
“You’retrembling,too,PorfiryPetrovitch!”
“Yes,Iam;Ididn’texpectit.”
Theywerealreadyatthedoor;PorfirywasimpatientforRaskolnikovtobegone.
“Andyourlittlesurprise,aren’tyougoingtoshowittome?”Raskolnikovsaid,sarcastically.
“Why,histeetharechatteringasheasks,he-he!Youareanironicalperson!Come,tillwemeet!”
“Ibelievewecansaygood-bye!”
“That’sinGod’shands,”mutteredPorfiry,withanunnaturalsmile.
Ashewalkedthroughtheoffice,Raskolnikovnoticedthatmanypeoplewerelookingathim.
Amongthemhesawthetwoportersfromthehouse,whomhehadinvitedthatnighttothepolicestation.Theystoodtherewaiting.
ButhewasnosooneronthestairsthanheheardthevoiceofPorfiryPetrovitchbehindhim.
Turninground,hesawthelatterrunningafterhim,outofbreath.
“Oneword,RodionRomanovitch;astoalltherest,it’sinGod’shands,butasamatterofformtherearesomequestionsIshallhavetoaskyou…soweshallmeetagain,shan’twe?”
AndPorfirystoodstill,facinghimwithasmile.
“Shan’twe?”headdedagain.
Heseemedtowanttosaysomethingmore,butcouldnotspeakout.
“Youmustforgiveme,PorfiryPetrovitch,forwhathasjustpassed…Ilostmytemper,”beganRaskolnikov,whohadsofarregainedhiscouragethathefeltirresistiblyinclinedtodisplayhiscoolness.
“Don’tmentionit,don’tmentionit,”Porfiryreplied,almostgleefully.
“Imyself,too…Ihaveawickedtemper,Iadmitit!Butweshallmeetagain.
Ifit’sGod’swill,wemayseeagreatdealofoneanother.”
“Andwillgettoknoweachotherthroughandthrough?”addedRaskolnikov.
“Yes;knoweachotherthroughandthrough,”assentedPorfiryPetrovitch,andhescreweduphiseyes,lookingearnestlyatRaskolnikov.“Nowyou’regoingtoabirthdayparty?”
“Toafuneral.”
“Ofcourse,thefuneral!Takecareofyourself,andgetwell.”
“Idon’tknowwhattowishyou,”saidRaskolnikov,whohadbeguntodescendthestairs,butlookedbackagain.“Ishouldliketowishyousuccess,butyourofficeissuchacomicalone.”
“Whycomical?”PorfiryPetrovitchhadturnedtogo,butheseemedtoprickuphisearsatthis.
“Why,howyoumusthavebeentorturingandharassingthatpoorNikolaypsychologically,afteryourfashion,tillheconfessed!
Youmusthavebeenathimdayandnight,provingtohimthathewasthemurderer,andnowthathehasconfessed,you’llbeginvivisectinghimagain.‘Youarelying,’you’llsay.‘Youarenotthemurderer!Youcan’tbe!
It’snotyourowntaleyouaretelling!’
Youmustadmitit’sacomicalbusiness!”
“He-he-he!YounoticedthenthatIsaidtoNikolayjustnowthatitwasnothisowntalehewastelling?”
“HowcouldIhelpnoticingit!”
“He-he!Youarequick-witted.Younoticeeverything!You’vereallyaplayfulmind!
Andyoualwaysfastenonthecomicside…he-he!
TheysaythatwasthemarkedcharacteristicofGogol,amongthewriters.”
“Yes,ofGogol.”
“Yes,ofGogol….Ishalllookforwardtomeetingyou.”
“SoshallI.”
Raskolnikovwalkedstraighthome.Hewassomuddledandbewilderedthatongettinghomehesatforaquarterofanhouronthesofa,tryingtocollecthisthoughts.
HedidnotattempttothinkaboutNikolay;hewasstupefied;hefeltthathisconfessionwassomethinginexplicable,amazing—somethingbeyondhisunderstanding.
ButNikolay’sconfessionwasanactualfact.
Theconsequencesofthisfactwerecleartohimatonce,itsfalsehoodcouldnotfailtobediscovered,andthentheywouldbeafterhimagain.
Tillthen,atleast,hewasfreeandmustdosomethingforhimself,forthedangerwasimminent.
Buthowimminent?Hispositiongraduallybecamecleartohim.
Remembering,sketchily,themainoutlinesofhisrecentscenewithPorfiry,hecouldnothelpshudderingagainwithhorror.
Ofcourse,hedidnotyetknowallPorfiry’saims,hecouldnotseeintoallhiscalculations.
Buthehadalreadypartlyshownhishand,andnooneknewbetterthanRaskolnikovhowterriblePorfiry’s“lead”hadbeenforhim.
Alittlemoreandhemighthavegivenhimselfawaycompletely,circumstantially.
Knowinghisnervoustemperamentandfromthefirstglanceseeingthroughhim,Porfiry,thoughplayingaboldgame,wasboundtowin.
There’snodenyingthatRaskolnikovhadcompromisedhimselfseriously,butnofactshadcometolightasyet;therewasnothingpositive.
Butwashetakingatrueviewoftheposition?Wasn’themistaken?WhathadPorfirybeentryingtogetat?
Hadhereallysomesurprisepreparedforhim?Andwhatwasit?
Hadhereallybeenexpectingsomethingornot?
HowwouldtheyhavepartedifithadnotbeenfortheunexpectedappearanceofNikolay?
Porfiryhadshownalmostallhiscards—ofcourse,hehadriskedsomethinginshowingthem—andifhehadreallyhadanythinguphissleeve(Raskolnikovreflected),hewouldhaveshownthat,too.Whatwasthat“surprise”?Wasitajoke?Haditmeantanything?
Couldithaveconcealedanythinglikeafact,apieceofpositiveevidence?Hisyesterday’svisitor?Whathadbecomeofhim?Wherewasheto-day?
IfPorfiryreallyhadanyevidence,itmustbeconnectedwithhim….
Hesatonthesofawithhiselbowsonhiskneesandhisfacehiddeninhishands.Hewasstillshiveringnervously.Atlasthegotup,tookhiscap,thoughtaminute,andwenttothedoor.
Hehadasortofpresentimentthatforto-day,atleast,hemightconsiderhimselfoutofdanger.
Hehadasuddensensealmostofjoy;hewantedtomakehastetoKaterinaIvanovna’s.
Hewouldbetoolateforthefuneral,ofcourse,buthewouldbeintimeforthememorialdinner,andthereatoncehewouldseeSonia.
Hestoodstill,thoughtamoment,andasufferingsmilecameforamomentontohislips.
“To-day!To-day,”herepeatedtohimself.“Yes,to-day!Soitmustbe….”
Butashewasabouttoopenthedoor,itbeganopeningofitself.Hestartedandmovedback.
Thedooropenedgentlyandslowly,andtheresuddenlyappearedafigure—yesterday’svisitorfromunderground.
Themanstoodinthedoorway,lookedatRaskolnikovwithoutspeaking,andtookastepforwardintotheroom.
Hewasexactlythesameasyesterday;thesamefigure,thesamedress,buttherewasagreatchangeinhisface;helookeddejectedandsigheddeeply.
Ifhehadonlyputhishanduptohischeekandleanedhisheadononesidehewouldhavelookedexactlylikeapeasantwoman.
“Whatdoyouwant?”askedRaskolnikov,numbwithterror.Themanwasstillsilent,butsuddenlyheboweddownalmosttotheground,touchingitwithhisfinger.
“Whatisit?”criedRaskolnikov.
“Ihavesinned,”themanarticulatedsoftly.
“How?”
“Byevilthoughts.”
Theylookedatoneanother.
“Iwasvexed.Whenyoucame,perhapsindrink,andbadetheportersgotothepolicestationandaskedabouttheblood,Iwasvexedthattheyletyougoandtookyoufordrunken.IwassovexedthatIlostmysleep.
Andrememberingtheaddresswecamehereyesterdayandaskedforyou….”
“Whocame?”Raskolnikovinterrupted,instantlybeginningtorecollect.
“Idid,I’vewrongedyou.”
“Thenyoucomefromthathouse?”
“Iwasstandingatthegatewiththem…don’tyouremember?Wehavecarriedonourtradeinthathouseforyearspast.Wecureandpreparehides,wetakeworkhome…mostofallIwasvexed….”
AndthewholesceneofthedaybeforeyesterdayinthegatewaycameclearlybeforeRaskolnikov’smind;herecollectedthattherehadbeenseveralpeopletherebesidestheporters,womenamongthem.
Herememberedonevoicehadsuggestedtakinghimstraighttothepolice-station.
Hecouldnotrecallthefaceofthespeaker,andevennowhedidnotrecogniseit,butherememberedthathehadturnedroundandmadehimsomeanswer….
Sothiswasthesolutionofyesterday’shorror.
Themostawfulthoughtwasthathehadbeenactuallyalmostlost,hadalmostdoneforhimselfonaccountofsuchatrivialcircumstance.
Sothismancouldtellnothingexcepthisaskingabouttheflatandthebloodstains.
SoPorfiry,too,hadnothingbutthatdelirium,nofactsbutthispsychologywhichcutsbothways,nothingpositive.
Soifnomorefactscometolight(andtheymustnot,theymustnot!)then…thenwhatcantheydotohim?
Howcantheyconvicthim,eveniftheyarresthim?
AndPorfirythenhadonlyjustheardabouttheflatandhadnotknownaboutitbefore.
“WasityouwhotoldPorfiry…thatI’dbeenthere?”hecried,struckbyasuddenidea.
“WhatPorfiry?”
“Theheadofthedetectivedepartment?”
“Yes.Theportersdidnotgothere,butIwent.”
“To-day?”
“Igottheretwominutesbeforeyou.AndIheard,Ihearditall,howheworriedyou.”
“Where?What?When?”
“Why,inthenextroom.Iwassittingthereallthetime.”
“What?Why,thenyouwerethesurprise?Buthowcouldithappen?Uponmyword!”
“IsawthattheportersdidnotwanttodowhatIsaid,”begantheman;“forit’stoolate,saidthey,andmaybehe’llbeangrythatwedidnotcomeatthetime.
IwasvexedandIlostmysleep,andIbeganmakinginquiries.
Andfindingoutyesterdaywheretogo,Iwentto-day.
ThefirsttimeIwenthewasn’tthere,whenIcameanhourlaterhecouldn’tseeme.
Iwentthethirdtime,andtheyshowedmein.
Iinformedhimofeverything,justasithappened,andhebeganskippingabouttheroomandpunchinghimselfonthechest.‘Whatdoyouscoundrelsmeanbyit?
IfI’dknownaboutitIshouldhavearrestedhim!’
Thenheranout,calledsomebodyandbegantalkingtohiminthecorner,thenheturnedtome,scoldingandquestioningme.
Hescoldedmeagreatdeal;andItoldhimeverything,andItoldhimthatyoudidn’tdaretosayawordinanswertomeyesterdayandthatyoudidn’trecogniseme.
Andhefelltorunningaboutagainandkepthittinghimselfonthechest,andgettingangryandrunningabout,andwhenyouwereannouncedhetoldmetogointothenextroom.‘Sitthereabit,’hesaid.‘Don’tmove,whateveryoumayhear.’
Andhesetachairthereformeandlockedmein.‘Perhaps,’hesaid,‘Imaycallyou.’
AndwhenNikolay’dbeenbroughtheletmeoutassoonasyouweregone.
‘Ishallsendforyouagainandquestionyou,’hesaid.”
“AnddidhequestionNikolaywhileyouwerethere?”
“Hegotridofmeashedidofyou,beforehespoketoNikolay.”
Themanstoodstill,andagainsuddenlyboweddown,touchingthegroundwithhisfinger.
“Forgivemeformyevilthoughts,andmyslander.”
“MayGodforgiveyou,”answeredRaskolnikov.
Andashesaidthis,themanboweddownagain,butnottotheground,turnedslowlyandwentoutoftheroom.
“Itallcutsbothways,nowitallcutsbothways,”repeatedRaskolnikov,andhewentoutmoreconfidentthanever.
“Nowwe’llmakeafightforit,”hesaid,withamalicioussmile,ashewentdownthestairs.Hismalicewasaimedathimself;withshameandcontemptherecollectedhis“cowardice.”
Share this article to
FINISH