English
“Heiswell,quitewell!”Zossimovcriedcheerfullyastheyentered.
Hehadcomeintenminutesearlierandwassittinginthesameplaceasbefore,onthesofa.
Raskolnikovwassittingintheoppositecorner,fullydressedandcarefullywashedandcombed,ashehadnotbeenforsometimepast.
Theroomwasimmediatelycrowded,yetNastasyamanagedtofollowthevisitorsinandstayedtolisten.
Raskolnikovreallywasalmostwell,ascomparedwithhisconditionthedaybefore,buthewasstillpale,listless,andsombre.
Helookedlikeawoundedmanoronewhohasundergonesometerriblephysicalsuffering.
Hisbrowswereknitted,hislipscompressed,hiseyesfeverish.
Hespokelittleandreluctantly,asthoughperformingaduty,andtherewasarestlessnessinhismovements.
Heonlywantedaslingonhisarmorabandageonhisfingertocompletetheimpressionofamanwithapainfulabscessorabrokenarm.
Thepale,sombrefacelightedupforamomentwhenhismotherandsisterentered,butthisonlygaveitalookofmoreintensesuffering,inplaceofitslistlessdejection.
Thelightsoondiedaway,butthelookofsufferingremained,andZossimov,watchingandstudyinghispatientwithallthezestofayoungdoctorbeginningtopractise,noticedinhimnojoyatthearrivalofhismotherandsister,butasortofbitter,hiddendeterminationtobearanotherhourortwoofinevitabletorture.
Hesawlaterthatalmosteverywordofthefollowingconversationseemedtotouchonsomesoreplaceandirritateit.
Butatthesametimehemarvelledatthepowerofcontrollinghimselfandhidinghisfeelingsinapatientwhothepreviousdayhad,likeamonomaniac,fallenintoafrenzyattheslightestword.
“Yes,IseemyselfnowthatIamalmostwell,”saidRaskolnikov,givinghismotherandsisterakissofwelcomewhichmadePulcheriaAlexandrovnaradiantatonce.
“AndIdon’tsaythisasIdidyesterday,”hesaid,addressingRazumihin,withafriendlypressureofhishand.
“Yes,indeed,Iamquitesurprisedathimto-day,”beganZossimov,muchdelightedattheladies’entrance,forhehadnotsucceededinkeepingupaconversationwithhispatientfortenminutes.
“Inanotherthreeorfourdays,ifhegoesonlikethis,hewillbejustasbefore,thatis,ashewasamonthago,ortwo…orperhapseventhree.
Thishasbeencomingonforalongwhile….eh?
Confess,now,thatithasbeenperhapsyourownfault?”
headded,withatentativesmile,asthoughstillafraidofirritatinghim.
“Itisverypossible,”answeredRaskolnikovcoldly.
“Ishouldsay,too,”continuedZossimovwithzest,“thatyourcompleterecoverydependssolelyonyourself.
Nowthatonecantalktoyou,Ishouldliketoimpressuponyouthatitisessentialtoavoidtheelementary,sotospeak,fundamentalcausestendingtoproduceyourmorbidcondition:inthatcaseyouwillbecured,ifnot,itwillgofrombadtoworse.
ThesefundamentalcausesIdon’tknow,buttheymustbeknowntoyou.
Youareanintelligentman,andmusthaveobservedyourself,ofcourse.
Ifancythefirststageofyourderangementcoincideswithyourleavingtheuniversity.
Youmustnotbeleftwithoutoccupation,andso,workandadefiniteaimsetbeforeyoumight,Ifancy,beverybeneficial.”
“Yes,yes;youareperfectlyright….Iwillmakehasteandreturntotheuniversity:andtheneverythingwillgosmoothly….”
Zossimov,whohadbegunhissageadvicepartlytomakeaneffectbeforetheladies,wascertainlysomewhatmystified,when,glancingathispatient,heobservedunmistakablemockeryonhisface.Thislastedaninstant,however.
PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganatoncethankingZossimov,especiallyforhisvisittotheirlodgingthepreviousnight.
“What!hesawyoulastnight?”Raskolnikovasked,asthoughstartled.“Thenyouhavenotslepteitherafteryourjourney.”
“Ach,Rodya,thatwasonlytilltwoo’clock.DouniaandInevergotobedbeforetwoathome.”
“Idon’tknowhowtothankhimeither,”Raskolnikovwenton,suddenlyfrowningandlookingdown.
“Settingasidethequestionofpayment—forgivemeforreferringtoit(heturnedtoZossimov)—Ireallydon’tknowwhatIhavedonetodeservesuchspecialattentionfromyou!
Isimplydon’tunderstandit…and…and…itweighsuponme,indeed,becauseIdon’tunderstandit.Itellyousocandidly.”
“Don’tbeirritated.”Zossimovforcedhimselftolaugh.
“Assumethatyouaremyfirstpatient—well—wefellowsjustbeginningtopractiseloveourfirstpatientsasiftheywereourchildren,andsomealmostfallinlovewiththem.
And,ofcourse,Iamnotrichinpatients.”
“Isaynothingabouthim,”addedRaskolnikov,pointingtoRazumihin,“thoughhehashadnothingfrommeeitherbutinsultandtrouble.”
“Whatnonsenseheistalking!Why,youareinasentimentalmoodto-day,areyou?”shoutedRazumihin.
Ifhehadhadmorepenetrationhewouldhaveseenthattherewasnotraceofsentimentalityinhim,butsomethingindeedquitetheopposite.ButAvdotyaRomanovnanoticedit.
Shewasintentlyanduneasilywatchingherbrother.
“Asforyou,mother,Idon’tdaretospeak,”hewenton,asthoughrepeatingalessonlearnedbyheart.
“Itisonlyto-daythatIhavebeenabletorealisealittlehowdistressedyoumusthavebeenhereyesterday,waitingformetocomeback.”
Whenhehadsaidthis,hesuddenlyheldouthishandtohissister,smilingwithoutaword.
Butinthissmiletherewasaflashofrealunfeignedfeeling.
Douniacaughtitatonce,andwarmlypressedhishand,overjoyedandthankful.
Itwasthefirsttimehehadaddressedhersincetheirdisputethepreviousday.
Themother’sfacelightedupwithecstatichappinessatthesightofthisconclusiveunspokenreconciliation.
“Yes,thatiswhatIlovehimfor,”Razumihin,exaggeratingitall,mutteredtohimself,withavigorousturninhischair.“Hehasthesemovements.”
“Andhowwellhedoesitall,”themotherwasthinkingtoherself.
“Whatgenerousimpulseshehas,andhowsimply,howdelicatelyheputanendtoallthemisunderstandingwithhissister—simplybyholdingouthishandattherightminuteandlookingatherlikethat….
Andwhatfineeyeshehas,andhowfinehiswholefaceis!
...HeisevenbetterlookingthanDounia….
But,goodheavens,whatasuit—howterriblyhe’sdressed!
...Vasya,themessengerboyinAfanasyIvanitch’sshop,isbetterdressed!
Icouldrushathimandhughim…weepoverhim—butIamafraid….Oh,dear,he’ssostrange!He’stalkingkindly,butI’mafraid!Why,whatamIafraidof?...”
“Oh,Rodya,youwouldn’tbelieve,”shebegansuddenly,inhastetoanswerhiswordstoher,“howunhappyDouniaandIwereyesterday!
Nowthatit’salloveranddonewithandwearequitehappyagain—Icantellyou.
Fancy,weranherealmoststraightfromthetraintoembraceyouandthatwoman—ah,heresheis!Goodmorning,Nastasya!
...Shetoldusatoncethatyouwerelyinginahighfeverandhadjustrunawayfromthedoctorindelirium,andtheywerelookingforyouinthestreets.Youcan’timaginehowwefelt!
Icouldn’thelpthinkingofthetragicendofLieutenantPotanchikov,afriendofyourfather’s—youcan’trememberhim,Rodya—whoranoutinthesamewayinahighfeverandfellintothewellinthecourt-yardandtheycouldn’tpullhimouttillnextday.Ofcourse,weexaggeratedthings.
WewereonthepointofrushingtofindPyotrPetrovitchtoaskhimtohelp….
Becausewewerealone,utterlyalone,”shesaidplaintivelyandstoppedshort,suddenly,recollectingitwasstillsomewhatdangeroustospeakofPyotrPetrovitch,although“wearequitehappyagain.”
“Yes,yes….Ofcourseit’sveryannoying….”Raskolnikovmutteredinreply,butwithsuchapreoccupiedandinattentiveairthatDouniagazedathiminperplexity.
“WhatelsewasitIwantedtosay?”Hewentontryingtorecollect.
“Oh,yes;mother,andyoutoo,Dounia,pleasedon’tthinkthatIdidn’tmeantocomeandseeyouto-dayandwaswaitingforyoutocomefirst.”
“Whatareyousaying,Rodya?”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna.She,too,wassurprised.
“Isheansweringusasaduty?”Douniawondered.“Ishebeingreconciledandaskingforgivenessasthoughhewereperformingariteorrepeatingalesson?”
“I’veonlyjustwakedup,andwantedtogotoyou,butwasdelayedowingtomyclothes;Iforgotyesterdaytoaskher…Nastasya…towashouttheblood…I’veonlyjustdressed.”
“Blood!Whatblood?”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaaskedinalarm.
“Oh,nothing—don’tbeuneasy.ItwaswhenIwaswanderingaboutyesterday,ratherdelirious,Ichanceduponamanwhohadbeenrunover…aclerk…”
“Delirious?Butyouremembereverything!”Razumihininterrupted.
“That’strue,”Raskolnikovansweredwithspecialcarefulness.“Iremembereverythingeventotheslightestdetail,andyet—whyIdidthatandwentthereandsaidthat,Ican’tclearlyexplainnow.”
“Afamiliarphenomenon,”interposedZossimov,“actionsaresometimesperformedinamasterlyandmostcunningway,whilethedirectionoftheactionsisderangedanddependentonvariousmorbidimpressions—it’slikeadream.”
“Perhapsit’sagoodthingreallythatheshouldthinkmealmostamadman,”thoughtRaskolnikov.
“Why,peopleinperfecthealthactinthesamewaytoo,”observedDounia,lookinguneasilyatZossimov.
“Thereissometruthinyourobservation,”thelatterreplied.
“Inthatsensewearecertainlyallnotinfrequentlylikemadmen,butwiththeslightdifferencethatthederangedaresomewhatmadder,forwemustdrawaline.
Anormalman,itistrue,hardlyexists.
Amongdozens—perhapshundredsofthousands—hardlyoneistobemetwith.”
Attheword“madman,”carelesslydroppedbyZossimovinhischatteronhisfavouritesubject,everyonefrowned.
Raskolnikovsatseemingnottopayattention,plungedinthoughtwithastrangesmileonhispalelips.Hewasstillmeditatingonsomething.
“Well,whataboutthemanwhowasrunover?Iinterruptedyou!”Razumihincriedhastily.
“What?”Raskolnikovseemedtowakeup.
“Oh…Igotspatteredwithbloodhelpingtocarryhimtohislodging.
Bytheway,mamma,Ididanunpardonablethingyesterday.Iwasliterallyoutofmymind.
Igaveawayallthemoneyyousentme…tohiswifeforthefuneral.
She’sawidownow,inconsumption,apoorcreature…threelittlechildren,starving…nothinginthehouse…there’sadaughter,too…perhapsyou’dhavegivenityourselfifyou’dseenthem.
ButIhadnorighttodoitIadmit,especiallyasIknewhowyouneededthemoneyyourself.
Tohelpothersonemusthavetherighttodoit,orelse_Crevez,chiens,sivousn’êtespascontents_.”
Helaughed,“That’sright,isn’tit,Dounia?”
“No,it’snot,”answeredDouniafirmly.
“Bah!you,too,haveideals,”hemuttered,lookingatheralmostwithhatred,andsmilingsarcastically.“Ioughttohaveconsideredthat….
Well,that’spraiseworthy,andit’sbetterforyou…andifyoureachalineyouwon’toverstep,youwillbeunhappy…andifyouoverstepit,maybeyouwillbestillunhappier….
Butallthat’snonsense,”headdedirritably,vexedatbeingcarriedaway.
“IonlymeanttosaythatIbegyourforgiveness,mother,”heconcluded,shortlyandabruptly.
“That’senough,Rodya,Iamsurethateverythingyoudoisverygood,”saidhismother,delighted.
“Don’tbetoosure,”heanswered,twistinghismouthintoasmile.
Asilencefollowed.Therewasacertainconstraintinallthisconversation,andinthesilence,andinthereconciliation,andintheforgiveness,andallwerefeelingit.
“Itisasthoughtheywereafraidofme,”Raskolnikovwasthinkingtohimself,lookingaskanceathismotherandsister.
PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasindeedgrowingmoretimidthelongershekeptsilent.
“YetintheirabsenceIseemedtolovethemsomuch,”flashedthroughhismind.
“Doyouknow,Rodya,MarfaPetrovnaisdead,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnasuddenlyblurtedout.
“WhatMarfaPetrovna?”
“Oh,mercyonus—MarfaPetrovnaSvidrigailov.Iwroteyousomuchabouther.”
“A-a-h!Yes,Iremember….Soshe’sdead!Oh,really?”herousedhimselfsuddenly,asifwakingup.“Whatdidshedieof?”
“Onlyimagine,quitesuddenly,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaansweredhurriedly,encouragedbyhiscuriosity.
“OntheverydayIwassendingyouthatletter!
Wouldyoubelieveit,thatawfulmanseemstohavebeenthecauseofherdeath.Theysayhebeatherdreadfully.”
“Why,weretheyonsuchbadterms?”heasked,addressinghissister.
“Notatall.Quitethecontraryindeed.
Withher,hewasalwaysverypatient,considerateeven.
Infact,allthosesevenyearsoftheirmarriedlifehegavewaytoher,toomuchsoindeed,inmanycases.
Allofasuddenheseemstohavelostpatience.”
“Thenhecouldnothavebeensoawfulifhecontrolledhimselfforsevenyears?Youseemtobedefendinghim,Dounia?”
“No,no,he’sanawfulman!Icanimaginenothingmoreawful!”Douniaanswered,almostwithashudder,knittingherbrows,andsinkingintothought.
“Thathadhappenedinthemorning,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnawentonhurriedly.
“Anddirectlyafterwardssheorderedthehorsestobeharnessedtodrivetothetownimmediatelyafterdinner.
Shealwaysusedtodrivetothetowninsuchcases.
Sheateaverygooddinner,Iamtold….”
“Afterthebeating?”
“Thatwasalwaysher…habit;andimmediatelyafterdinner,soasnottobelateinstarting,shewenttothebath-house….
Yousee,shewasundergoingsometreatmentwithbaths.
Theyhaveacoldspringthere,andsheusedtobatheinitregularlyeveryday,andnosoonerhadshegotintothewaterwhenshesuddenlyhadastroke!”
“Ishouldthinkso,”saidZossimov.
“Anddidhebeatherbadly?”
“Whatdoesthatmatter!”putinDounia.
“H’m!ButIdon’tknowwhyyouwanttotellussuchgossip,mother,”saidRaskolnikovirritably,asitwereinspiteofhimself.
“Ah,mydear,Idon’tknowwhattotalkabout,”brokefromPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“Why,areyouallafraidofme?”heasked,withaconstrainedsmile.
“That’scertainlytrue,”saidDounia,lookingdirectlyandsternlyatherbrother.“Motherwascrossingherselfwithterrorasshecameupthestairs.”
Hisfaceworked,asthoughinconvulsion.
“Ach,whatareyousaying,Dounia!Don’tbeangry,please,Rodya….Whydidyousaythat,Dounia?”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegan,overwhelmed—”Yousee,cominghere,Iwasdreamingalltheway,inthetrain,howweshouldmeet,howweshouldtalkovereverythingtogether….
AndIwassohappy,Ididnotnoticethejourney!ButwhatamIsaying?Iamhappynow….Youshouldnot,Dounia….
Iamhappynow—simplyinseeingyou,Rodya….”
“Hush,mother,”hemutteredinconfusion,notlookingather,butpressingherhand.“Weshallhavetimetospeakfreelyofeverything!”
Ashesaidthis,hewassuddenlyoverwhelmedwithconfusionandturnedpale.
Againthatawfulsensationhehadknownoflatepassedwithdeadlychilloverhissoul.
Againitbecamesuddenlyplainandperceptibletohimthathehadjusttoldafearfullie—thathewouldnevernowbeabletospeakfreelyofeverything—thathewouldneveragainbeabletospeakofanythingtoanyone.
Theanguishofthisthoughtwassuchthatforamomenthealmostforgothimself.
Hegotupfromhisseat,andnotlookingatanyonewalkedtowardsthedoor.
“Whatareyouabout?”criedRazumihin,clutchinghimbythearm.
Hesatdownagain,andbeganlookingabouthim,insilence.Theywerealllookingathiminperplexity.
“Butwhatareyouallsodullfor?”heshouted,suddenlyandquiteunexpectedly.“Dosaysomething!What’stheuseofsittinglikethis?Come,dospeak.Letustalk….Wemeettogetherandsitinsilence….Come,anything!”
“ThankGod;Iwasafraidthesamethingasyesterdaywasbeginningagain,”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,crossingherself.
“Whatisthematter,Rodya?”askedAvdotyaRomanovna,distrustfully.
“Oh,nothing!Irememberedsomething,”heanswered,andsuddenlylaughed.
“Well,ifyourememberedsomething;that’sallright!
...Iwasbeginningtothink…”mutteredZossimov,gettingupfromthesofa.“Itistimeformetobeoff.
Iwilllookinagainperhaps…ifIcan…”Hemadehisbows,andwentout.
“Whatanexcellentman!”observedPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“Yes,excellent,splendid,well-educated,intelligent,”Raskolnikovbegan,suddenlyspeakingwithsurprisingrapidity,andalivelinesshehadnotshowntillthen.
“Ican’trememberwhereImethimbeforemyillness….
IbelieveIhavemethimsomewhere——...Andthisisagoodman,too,”henoddedatRazumihin.“Doyoulikehim,Dounia?”
heaskedher;andsuddenly,forsomeunknownreason,laughed.
“Verymuch,”answeredDounia.
“Foo!—whatapigyouare!”Razumihinprotested,blushinginterribleconfusion,andhegotupfromhischair.PulcheriaAlexandrovnasmiledfaintly,butRaskolnikovlaughedaloud.
“Whereareyouoffto?”
“Imustgo.”
“Youneednotatall.Stay.Zossimovhasgone,soyoumust.Don’tgo.What’sthetime?Isittwelveo’clock?
Whataprettywatchyouhavegot,Dounia.Butwhyareyouallsilentagain?Idoallthetalking.”
“ItwasapresentfromMarfaPetrovna,”answeredDounia.
“Andaveryexpensiveone!”addedPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“A-ah!Whatabigone!Hardlylikealady’s.”
“Ilikethatsort,”saidDounia.
“Soitisnotapresentfromherfiancé,”thoughtRazumihin,andwasunreasonablydelighted.
“IthoughtitwasLuzhin’spresent,”observedRaskolnikov.
“No,hehasnotmadeDouniaanypresentsyet.”
“A-ah!Anddoyouremember,mother,Iwasinloveandwantedtogetmarried?”hesaidsuddenly,lookingathismother,whowasdisconcertedbythesuddenchangeofsubjectandthewayhespokeofit.
“Oh,yes,mydear.”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnaexchangedglanceswithDouniaandRazumihin.
“H’m,yes.WhatshallItellyou?Idon’tremembermuchindeed.
Shewassuchasicklygirl,”hewenton,growingdreamyandlookingdownagain.“Quiteaninvalid.
Shewasfondofgivingalmstothepoor,andwasalwaysdreamingofanunnery,andoncesheburstintotearswhenshebegantalkingtomeaboutit.Yes,yes,Iremember.Irememberverywell.Shewasanuglylittlething.
Ireallydon’tknowwhatdrewmetoherthen—Ithinkitwasbecauseshewasalwaysill.
Ifshehadbeenlameorhunchback,IbelieveIshouldhavelikedherbetterstill,”hesmileddreamily.
“Yes,itwasasortofspringdelirium.”
“No,itwasnotonlyspringdelirium,”saidDounia,withwarmfeeling.
Hefixedastrainedintentlookonhissister,butdidnothearordidnotunderstandherwords.
Then,completelylostinthought,hegotup,wentuptohismother,kissedher,wentbacktohisplaceandsatdown.
“Youloveherevennow?”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,touched.
“Her?Now?Oh,yes….Youaskabouther?
No…that’sallnow,asitwere,inanotherworld…andsolongago.
Andindeedeverythinghappeninghereseemssomehowfaraway.”Helookedattentivelyatthem.
“You,now…Iseemtobelookingatyoufromathousandmilesaway…but,goodnessknowswhywearetalkingofthat!Andwhat’stheuseofaskingaboutit?”
headdedwithannoyance,andbitinghisnails,fellintodreamysilenceagain.
“Whatawretchedlodgingyouhave,Rodya!
It’slikeatomb,”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,suddenlybreakingtheoppressivesilence.
“Iamsureit’squitehalfthroughyourlodgingyouhavebecomesomelancholy.”
“Mylodging,”heanswered,listlessly.“Yes,thelodginghadagreatdealtodowithit….Ithoughtthat,too….
Ifonlyyouknew,though,whatastrangethingyousaidjustnow,mother,”hesaid,laughingstrangely.
Alittlemore,andtheircompanionship,thismotherandthissister,withhimafterthreeyears’absence,thisintimatetoneofconversation,infaceoftheutterimpossibilityofreallyspeakingaboutanything,wouldhavebeenbeyondhispowerofendurance.
Buttherewasoneurgentmatterwhichmustbesettledonewayortheotherthatday—sohehaddecidedwhenhewoke.
Nowhewasgladtorememberit,asameansofescape.
“Listen,Dounia,”hebegan,gravelyanddrily,“ofcourseIbegyourpardonforyesterday,butIconsideritmydutytotellyouagainthatIdonotwithdrawfrommychiefpoint.ItismeorLuzhin.IfIamascoundrel,youmustnotbe.Oneisenough.
IfyoumarryLuzhin,Iceaseatoncetolookonyouasasister.”
“Rodya,Rodya!Itisthesameasyesterdayagain,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacried,mournfully.“Andwhydoyoucallyourselfascoundrel?Ican’tbearit.Yousaidthesameyesterday.”
“Brother,”Douniaansweredfirmlyandwiththesamedryness.
“Inallthisthereisamistakeonyourpart.
Ithoughtitoveratnight,andfoundoutthemistake.
ItisallbecauseyouseemtofancyIamsacrificingmyselftosomeoneandforsomeone.Thatisnotthecaseatall.
Iamsimplymarryingformyownsake,becausethingsarehardforme.
Though,ofcourse,IshallbegladifIsucceedinbeingusefultomyfamily.
Butthatisnotthechiefmotiveformydecision….”
“Sheislying,”hethoughttohimself,bitinghisnailsvindictively.“Proudcreature!
Shewon’tadmitshewantstodoitoutofcharity!Toohaughty!Oh,basecharacters!Theyevenloveasthoughtheyhate….Oh,howI…hatethemall!”
“Infact,”continuedDounia,“IammarryingPyotrPetrovitchbecauseoftwoevilsIchoosetheless.
Iintendtodohonestlyallheexpectsofme,soIamnotdeceivinghim….Whydidyousmilejustnow?”
She,too,flushed,andtherewasagleamofangerinhereyes.
“All?”heasked,withamalignantgrin.
“Withincertainlimits.BoththemannerandformofPyotrPetrovitch’scourtshipshowedmeatoncewhathewanted.
Hemay,ofcourse,thinktoowellofhimself,butIhopeheesteemsme,too….Whyareyoulaughingagain?”
“Andwhyareyoublushingagain?Youarelying,sister.
Youareintentionallylying,simplyfromfeminineobstinacy,simplytoholdyourownagainstme….YoucannotrespectLuzhin.Ihaveseenhimandtalkedwithhim.
Soyouaresellingyourselfformoney,andsoinanycaseyouareactingbasely,andIamgladatleastthatyoucanblushforit.”
“Itisnottrue.Iamnotlying,”criedDounia,losinghercomposure.
“IwouldnotmarryhimifIwerenotconvincedthatheesteemsmeandthinkshighlyofme.
IwouldnotmarryhimifIwerenotfirmlyconvincedthatIcanrespecthim.
Fortunately,Icanhaveconvincingproofofitthisveryday…andsuchamarriageisnotavileness,asyousay!
Andevenifyouwereright,ifIreallyhaddeterminedonavileaction,isitnotmercilessonyourparttospeaktomelikethat?
Whydoyoudemandofmeaheroismthatperhapsyouhavenoteither?Itisdespotism;itistyranny.IfIruinanyone,itisonlymyself….Iamnotcommittingamurder.Whydoyoulookatmelikethat?Whyareyousopale?Rodya,darling,what’sthematter?”
“Goodheavens!Youhavemadehimfaint,”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“No,no,nonsense!It’snothing.Alittlegiddiness—notfainting.Youhavefaintingonthebrain.H’m,yes,whatwasIsaying?Oh,yes.
Inwhatwaywillyougetconvincingproofto-daythatyoucanrespecthim,andthathe…esteemsyou,asyousaid.Ithinkyousaidto-day?”
“Mother,showRodyaPyotrPetrovitch’sletter,”saidDounia.
Withtremblinghands,PulcheriaAlexandrovnagavehimtheletter.Hetookitwithgreatinterest,but,beforeopeningit,hesuddenlylookedwithasortofwonderatDounia.
“Itisstrange,”hesaid,slowly,asthoughstruckbyanewidea.“WhatamImakingsuchafussfor?Whatisitallabout?Marrywhomyoulike!”
Hesaidthisasthoughtohimself,butsaiditaloud,andlookedforsometimeathissister,asthoughpuzzled.
Heopenedtheletteratlast,stillwiththesamelookofstrangewonderonhisface.
Then,slowlyandattentively,hebeganreading,andreaditthroughtwice.
PulcheriaAlexandrovnashowedmarkedanxiety,andallindeedexpectedsomethingparticular.
“Whatsurprisesme,”hebegan,afterashortpause,handingthelettertohismother,butnotaddressinganyoneinparticular,“isthatheisabusinessman,alawyer,andhisconversationispretentiousindeed,andyethewritessuchanuneducatedletter.”
Theyallstarted.Theyhadexpectedsomethingquitedifferent.
“Buttheyallwritelikethat,youknow,”Razumihinobserved,abruptly.
“Haveyoureadit?”
“Yes.”
“Weshowedhim,Rodya.We…consultedhimjustnow,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegan,embarrassed.
“That’sjustthejargonofthecourts,”Razumihinputin.“Legaldocumentsarewrittenlikethattothisday.”
“Legal?Yes,it’sjustlegal—businesslanguage—notsoveryuneducated,andnotquiteeducated—businesslanguage!”
“PyotrPetrovitchmakesnosecretofthefactthathehadacheapeducation,heisproudindeedofhavingmadehisownway,”AvdotyaRomanovnaobserved,somewhatoffendedbyherbrother’stone.
“Well,ifhe’sproudofit,hehasreason,Idon’tdenyit.
Youseemtobeoffended,sister,atmymakingonlysuchafrivolouscriticismontheletter,andtothinkthatIspeakofsuchtriflingmattersonpurposetoannoyyou.
Itisquitethecontrary,anobservationaproposofthestyleoccurredtomethatisbynomeansirrelevantasthingsstand.
Thereisoneexpression,‘blameyourselves’putinverysignificantlyandplainly,andthereisbesidesathreatthathewillgoawayatonceifIampresent.
Thatthreattogoawayisequivalenttoathreattoabandonyoubothifyouaredisobedient,andtoabandonyounowaftersummoningyoutoPetersburg.Well,whatdoyouthink?
CanoneresentsuchanexpressionfromLuzhin,asweshouldifhe(hepointedtoRazumihin)hadwrittenit,orZossimov,oroneofus?”
“N-no,”answeredDounia,withmoreanimation.
“Isawclearlythatitwastoonaïvelyexpressed,andthatperhapshesimplyhasnoskillinwriting…thatisatruecriticism,brother.Ididnotexpect,indeed…”
“Itisexpressedinlegalstyle,andsoundscoarserthanperhapsheintended.ButImustdisillusionyoualittle.
Thereisoneexpressionintheletter,oneslanderaboutme,andratheracontemptibleone.
Igavethemoneylastnighttothewidow,awomaninconsumption,crushedwithtrouble,andnot‘onthepretextofthefuneral,’butsimplytopayforthefuneral,andnottothedaughter—ayoungwoman,ashewrites,ofnotoriousbehaviour(whomIsawlastnightforthefirsttimeinmylife)—buttothewidow.
InallthisIseeatoohastydesiretoslandermeandtoraisedissensionbetweenus.
Itisexpressedagaininlegaljargon,thatistosay,withatooobviousdisplayoftheaim,andwithaverynaïveeagerness.
Heisamanofintelligence,buttoactsensibly,intelligenceisnotenough.
Itallshowsthemanand…Idon’tthinkhehasagreatesteemforyou.
Itellyouthissimplytowarnyou,becauseIsincerelywishforyourgood…”
Douniadidnotreply.Herresolutionhadbeentaken.Shewasonlyawaitingtheevening.
“Thenwhatisyourdecision,Rodya?”askedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,whowasmoreuneasythaneveratthesudden,newbusinessliketoneofhistalk.
“Whatdecision?”
“YouseePyotrPetrovitchwritesthatyouarenottobewithusthisevening,andthathewillgoawayifyoucome.Sowillyou…come?”
“That,ofcourse,isnotformetodecide,butforyoufirst,ifyouarenotoffendedbysucharequest;andsecondly,byDounia,ifshe,too,isnotoffended.
Iwilldowhatyouthinkbest,”headded,drily.
“Douniahasalreadydecided,andIfullyagreewithher,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnahastenedtodeclare.
“Idecidedtoaskyou,Rodya,tourgeyounottofailtobewithusatthisinterview,”saidDounia.“Willyoucome?”
“Yes.”
“Iwillaskyou,too,tobewithusateighto’clock,”shesaid,addressingRazumihin.“Mother,Iaminvitinghim,too.”
“Quiteright,Dounia.Well,sinceyouhavedecided,”addedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“sobeit.Ishallfeeleasiermyself.
Idonotlikeconcealmentanddeception.Betterletushavethewholetruth….
PyotrPetrovitchmaybeangryornot,now!”
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