English
Raskolnikovgotup,andsatdownonthesofa.
HewavedhishandweaklytoRazumihintocutshorttheflowofwarmandincoherentconsolationshewasaddressingtohismotherandsister,tookthembothbythehandandforaminuteortwogazedfromonetotheotherwithoutspeaking.
Hismotherwasalarmedbyhisexpression.
Itrevealedanemotionagonisinglypoignant,andatthesametimesomethingimmovable,almostinsane.PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegantocry.
AvdotyaRomanovnawaspale;herhandtrembledinherbrother’s.
“Gohome…withhim,”hesaidinabrokenvoice,pointingtoRazumihin,“good-byetillto-morrow;to-morroweverything…Isitlongsinceyouarrived?”
“Thisevening,Rodya,”answeredPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“thetrainwasawfullylate.But,Rodya,nothingwouldinducemetoleaveyounow!Iwillspendthenighthere,nearyou…”
“Don’ttortureme!”hesaidwithagestureofirritation.
“Iwillstaywithhim,”criedRazumihin,“Iwon’tleavehimforamoment.Botherallmyvisitors!Letthemragetotheirhearts’content!Myuncleispresidingthere.”
“How,howcanIthankyou!”PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasbeginning,oncemorepressingRazumihin’shands,butRaskolnikovinterruptedheragain.
“Ican’thaveit!Ican’thaveit!”herepeatedirritably,“don’tworryme!Enough,goaway…Ican’tstandit!”
“Come,mamma,comeoutoftheroomatleastforaminute,”Douniawhisperedindismay;“wearedistressinghim,that’sevident.”
“Mayn’tIlookathimafterthreeyears?”weptPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“Stay,”hestoppedthemagain,“youkeepinterruptingme,andmyideasgetmuddled….HaveyouseenLuzhin?”
“No,Rodya,butheknowsalreadyofourarrival.Wehaveheard,Rodya,thatPyotrPetrovitchwassokindastovisityoutoday,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaaddedsomewhattimidly.
“Yes…hewassokind…Dounia,IpromisedLuzhinI’dthrowhimdownstairsandtoldhimtogotohell….”
“Rodya,whatareyousaying!Surely,youdon’tmeantotellus…”PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganinalarm,butshestopped,lookingatDounia.
AvdotyaRomanovnawaslookingattentivelyatherbrother,waitingforwhatwouldcomenext.
BothofthemhadheardofthequarrelfromNastasya,sofarasshehadsucceededinunderstandingandreportingit,andwereinpainfulperplexityandsuspense.
“Dounia,”Raskolnikovcontinuedwithaneffort,“Idon’twantthatmarriage,soatthefirstopportunityto-morrowyoumustrefuseLuzhin,sothatwemayneverhearhisnameagain.”
“GoodHeavens!”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“Brother,thinkwhatyouaresaying!”AvdotyaRomanovnabeganimpetuously,butimmediatelycheckedherself.“Youarenotfittotalknow,perhaps;youaretired,”sheaddedgently.
“YouthinkIamdelirious?No…YouaremarryingLuzhinformysake.ButIwon’tacceptthesacrifice.
Andsowritealetterbeforeto-morrow,torefusehim…Letmereaditinthemorningandthatwillbetheendofit!”
“ThatIcan’tdo!”thegirlcried,offended,“whatrighthaveyou…”
“Dounia,youarehasty,too,bequiet,to-morrow…Don’tyousee…”themotherinterposedindismay.“Bettercomeaway!”
“Heisraving,”Razumihincriedtipsily,“orhowwouldhedare!
To-morrowallthisnonsensewillbeover…to-dayhecertainlydiddrivehimaway.Thatwasso.AndLuzhingotangry,too….
Hemadespeecheshere,wantedtoshowoffhislearningandhewentoutcrest-fallen….”
“Thenit’strue?”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“Good-byetillto-morrow,brother,”saidDouniacompassionately—”letusgo,mother…Good-bye,Rodya.”
“Doyouhear,sister,”herepeatedafterthem,makingalasteffort,“Iamnotdelirious;thismarriageis—aninfamy.
Letmeactlikeascoundrel,butyoumustn’t…oneisenough…andthoughIamascoundrel,Iwouldn’townsuchasister.It’smeorLuzhin!Gonow….”
“Butyou’reoutofyourmind!Despot!”
roaredRazumihin;butRaskolnikovdidnotandperhapscouldnotanswer.
Helaydownonthesofa,andturnedtothewall,utterlyexhausted.
AvdotyaRomanovnalookedwithinterestatRazumihin;herblackeyesflashed;Razumihinpositivelystartedatherglance.
PulcheriaAlexandrovnastoodoverwhelmed.
“Nothingwouldinducemetogo,”shewhisperedindespairtoRazumihin.“Iwillstaysomewherehere…escortDouniahome.”
“You’llspoileverything,”Razumihinansweredinthesamewhisper,losingpatience—”comeoutontothestairs,anyway.Nastasya,showalight!
Iassureyou,”hewentoninahalfwhisperonthestairs-”thathewasalmostbeatingthedoctorandmethisafternoon!Doyouunderstand?Thedoctorhimself!
Evenhegavewayandlefthim,soasnottoirritatehim.
Iremaineddownstairsonguard,buthedressedatonceandslippedoff.
Andhewillslipoffagainifyouirritatehim,atthistimeofnight,andwilldohimselfsomemischief….”
“Whatareyousaying?”
“AndAvdotyaRomanovnacan’tpossiblybeleftinthoselodgingswithoutyou.Justthinkwhereyouarestaying!
ThatblackguardPyotrPetrovitchcouldn’tfindyoubetterlodgings…ButyouknowI’vehadalittletodrink,andthat’swhatmakesme…swear;don’tmindit….”
“ButI’llgotothelandladyhere,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnainsisted,“IllbeseechhertofindsomecornerforDouniaandmeforthenight.Ican’tleavehimlikethat,Icannot!”
Thisconversationtookplaceonthelandingjustbeforethelandlady’sdoor.
Nastasyalightedthemfromastepbelow.
Razumihinwasinextraordinaryexcitement.
Halfanhourearlier,whilehewasbringingRaskolnikovhome,hehadindeedtalkedtoofreely,buthewasawareofithimself,andhisheadwasclearinspiteofthevastquantitieshehadimbibed.
Nowhewasinastateborderingonecstasy,andallthathehaddrunkseemedtoflytohisheadwithredoubledeffect.
Hestoodwiththetwoladies,seizingbothbytheirhands,persuadingthem,andgivingthemreasonswithastonishingplainnessofspeech,andatalmosteverywordheuttered,probablytoemphasisehisarguments,hesqueezedtheirhandspainfullyasinavise.
HestaredatAvdotyaRomanovnawithouttheleastregardforgoodmanners.
Theysometimespulledtheirhandsoutofhishugebonypaws,butfarfromnoticingwhatwasthematter,hedrewthemalltheclosertohim.
Ifthey’dtoldhimtojumpheadforemostfromthestaircase,hewouldhavedoneitwithoutthoughtorhesitationintheirservice.
ThoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnafeltthattheyoungmanwasreallytooeccentricandpinchedherhandtoomuch,inheranxietyoverherRodyashelookedonhispresenceasprovidential,andwasunwillingtonoticeallhispeculiarities.
ButthoughAvdotyaRomanovnasharedheranxiety,andwasnotoftimorousdisposition,shecouldnotseetheglowinglightinhiseyeswithoutwonderandalmostalarm.
ItwasonlytheunboundedconfidenceinspiredbyNastasya’saccountofherbrother’squeerfriend,whichpreventedherfromtryingtorunawayfromhim,andtopersuadehermothertodothesame.
Sherealised,too,thatevenrunningawaywasperhapsimpossiblenow.
Tenminuteslater,however,shewasconsiderablyreassured;itwascharacteristicofRazumihinthatheshowedhistruenatureatonce,whatevermoodhemightbein,sothatpeoplequicklysawthesortofmantheyhadtodealwith.
“Youcan’tgotothelandlady,that’sperfectnonsense!”hecried.
“Ifyoustay,thoughyouarehismother,you’lldrivehimtoafrenzy,andthengoodnessknowswhatwillhappen!
Listen,I’lltellyouwhatI’lldo:Nastasyawillstaywithhimnow,andI’llconductyoubothhome,youcan’tbeinthestreetsalone;Petersburgisanawfulplaceinthatway….Butnomatter!
ThenI’llrunstraightbackhereandaquarterofanhourlater,onmywordofhonour,I’llbringyounewshowheis,whetherheisasleep,andallthat.Then,listen!
ThenI’llrunhomeinatwinkling—I’vealotoffriendsthere,alldrunk—I’llfetchZossimov—that’sthedoctorwhoislookingafterhim,heisthere,too,butheisnotdrunk;heisnotdrunk,heisneverdrunk!
I’lldraghimtoRodya,andthentoyou,sothatyou’llgettworeportsinthehour—fromthedoctor,youunderstand,fromthedoctorhimself,that’saverydifferentthingfrommyaccountofhim!
Ifthere’sanythingwrong,IswearI’llbringyouheremyself,but,ifit’sallright,yougotobed.
AndI’llspendthenighthere,inthepassage,hewon’thearme,andI’lltellZossimovtosleepatthelandlady’s,tobeathand.
Whichisbetterforhim:youorthedoctor?Socomehomethen!
Butthelandladyisoutofthequestion;it’sallrightforme,butit’soutofthequestionforyou:shewouldn’ttakeyou,forshe’s…forshe’safool…She’dbejealousonmyaccountofAvdotyaRomanovnaandofyou,too,ifyouwanttoknow…ofAvdotyaRomanovnacertainly.
Sheisanabsolutely,absolutelyunaccountablecharacter!ButIamafool,too!...Nomatter!Comealong!Doyoutrustme?Come,doyoutrustmeornot?”
“Letusgo,mother,”saidAvdotyaRomanovna,“hewillcertainlydowhathehaspromised.
HehassavedRodyaalready,andifthedoctorreallywillconsenttospendthenighthere,whatcouldbebetter?”
“Yousee,you…you…understandme,becauseyouareanangel!”Razumihincriedinecstasy,“letusgo!Nastasya!Flyupstairsandsitwithhimwithalight;I’llcomeinaquarterofanhour.”
ThoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasnotperfectlyconvinced,shemadenofurtherresistance.
Razumihingaveanarmtoeachanddrewthemdownthestairs.
Hestillmadeheruneasy,asthoughhewascompetentandgood-natured,washecapableofcarryingouthispromise?Heseemedinsuchacondition….
“Ah,IseeyouthinkIaminsuchacondition!”
Razumihinbrokeinuponherthoughts,guessingthem,ashestrolledalongthepavementwithhugesteps,sothatthetwoladiescouldhardlykeepupwithhim,afacthedidnotobserve,however.“Nonsense!
Thatis…Iamdrunklikeafool,butthat’snotit;Iamnotdrunkfromwine.
It’sseeingyouhasturnedmyhead…Butdon’tmindme!
Don’ttakeanynotice:Iamtalkingnonsense,Iamnotworthyofyou….Iamutterlyunworthyofyou!
TheminuteI’vetakenyouhome,I’llpouracoupleofpailfulsofwaterovermyheadinthegutterhere,andthenIshallbeallright….IfonlyyouknewhowIloveyouboth!Don’tlaugh,anddon’tbeangry!
Youmaybeangrywithanyone,butnotwithme!
Iamhisfriend,andthereforeIamyourfriend,too,Iwanttobe…Ihadapresentiment…Lastyeartherewasamoment…thoughitwasn’tapresentimentreally,foryouseemtohavefallenfromheaven.
AndIexpectIshan’tsleepallnight…Zossimovwasafraidalittletimeagothathewouldgomad…that’swhyhemustn’tbeirritated.”
“Whatdoyousay?”criedthemother.
“Didthedoctorreallysaythat?”askedAvdotyaRomanovna,alarmed.
“Yes,butit’snotso,notabitofit.Hegavehimsomemedicine,apowder,Isawit,andthenyourcominghere….Ah!
Itwouldhavebeenbetterifyouhadcometo-morrow.It’sagoodthingwewentaway.
AndinanhourZossimovhimselfwillreporttoyouabouteverything.Heisnotdrunk!AndIshan’tbedrunk….Andwhatmademegetsotight?
Becausetheygotmeintoanargument,damnthem!I’veswornnevertoargue!Theytalksuchtrash!Ialmostcametoblows!I’veleftmyuncletopreside.
Wouldyoubelieve,theyinsistoncompleteabsenceofindividualismandthat’sjustwhattheyrelish!
Nottobethemselves,tobeasunlikethemselvesastheycan.
That’swhattheyregardasthehighestpointofprogress.
Ifonlytheirnonsenseweretheirown,butasitis…”
“Listen!”PulcheriaAlexandrovnainterruptedtimidly,butitonlyaddedfueltotheflames.
“Whatdoyouthink?”shoutedRazumihin,louderthanever,“youthinkIamattackingthemfortalkingnonsense?Notabit!Ilikethemtotalknonsense.
That’sman’soneprivilegeoverallcreation.Througherroryoucometothetruth!IamamanbecauseIerr!
Youneverreachanytruthwithoutmakingfourteenmistakesandverylikelyahundredandfourteen.
Andafinething,too,initsway;butwecan’tevenmakemistakesonourownaccount!
Talknonsense,buttalkyourownnonsense,andI’llkissyouforit.
Togowronginone’sownwayisbetterthantogorightinsomeoneelse’s.
Inthefirstcaseyouareaman,inthesecondyou’renobetterthanabird.
Truthwon’tescapeyou,butlifecanbecramped.Therehavebeenexamples.Andwhatarewedoingnow?
Inscience,development,thought,invention,ideals,aims,liberalism,judgment,experienceandeverything,everything,everything,wearestillinthepreparatoryclassatschool.
Weprefertoliveonotherpeople’sideas,it’swhatweareusedto!AmIright,amIright?”
criedRazumihin,pressingandshakingthetwoladies’hands.
“Oh,mercy,Idonotknow,”criedpoorPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
“Yes,yes…thoughIdon’tagreewithyouineverything,”addedAvdotyaRomanovnaearnestlyandatonceutteredacry,forhesqueezedherhandsopainfully.
“Yes,yousayyes…wellafterthatyou…you…”hecriedinatransport,“youareafountofgoodness,purity,sense…andperfection.
Givemeyourhand…yougivemeyours,too!
Iwanttokissyourhandshereatonce,onmyknees…”andhefellonhiskneesonthepavement,fortunatelyatthattimedeserted.
“Leaveoff,Ientreatyou,whatareyoudoing?”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacried,greatlydistressed.
“Getup,getup!”saidDounialaughing,thoughshe,too,wasupset.
“Notforanythingtillyouletmekissyourhands!That’sit!Enough!Igetupandwe’llgoon!
Iamalucklessfool,Iamunworthyofyouanddrunk…andIamashamed….
Iamnotworthytoloveyou,buttodohomagetoyouisthedutyofeverymanwhoisnotaperfectbeast!AndI’vedonehomage….
Hereareyourlodgings,andforthataloneRodyawasrightindrivingyourPyotrPetrovitchaway….Howdarehe!howdareheputyouinsuchlodgings!It’sascandal!
Doyouknowthesortofpeopletheytakeinhere?Andyouhisbetrothed!Youarehisbetrothed?Yes?
Well,then,I’lltellyou,yourfiancéisascoundrel.”
“Excuseme,Mr.Razumihin,youareforgetting…”PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasbeginning.
“Yes,yes,youareright,Ididforgetmyself,Iamashamedofit,”Razumihinmadehastetoapologise.
“But…butyoucan’tbeangrywithmeforspeakingso!
ForIspeaksincerelyandnotbecause…hm,hm!
Thatwouldbedisgraceful;infactnotbecauseI’min…hm!
Well,anyway,Iwon’tsaywhy,Idaren’t….
Butweallsawto-daywhenhecameinthatthatmanisnotofoursort.
Notbecausehehadhishaircurledatthebarber’s,notbecausehewasinsuchahurrytoshowhiswit,butbecauseheisaspy,aspeculator,becauseheisaskin-flintandabuffoon.That’sevident.Doyouthinkhimclever?No,heisafool,afool.Andisheamatchforyou?Goodheavens!Doyousee,ladies?”
hestoppedsuddenlyonthewayupstairstotheirrooms,“thoughallmyfriendstherearedrunk,yettheyareallhonest,andthoughwedotalkalotoftrash,andIdo,too,yetweshalltalkourwaytothetruthatlast,forweareontherightpath,whilePyotrPetrovitch…isnotontherightpath.
ThoughI’vebeencallingthemallsortsofnamesjustnow,Idorespectthemall…thoughIdon’trespectZametov,Ilikehim,forheisapuppy,andthatbullockZossimov,becauseheisanhonestmanandknowshiswork.Butenough,it’sallsaidandforgiven.Isitforgiven?Well,then,let’sgoon.
Iknowthiscorridor,I’vebeenhere,therewasascandalhereatNumber3….Whereareyouhere?Whichnumber?eight?
Well,lockyourselvesinforthenight,then.Don’tletanybodyin.
InaquarterofanhourI’llcomebackwithnews,andhalfanhourlaterI’llbringZossimov,you’llsee!Good-bye,I’llrun.”
“Goodheavens,Dounia,whatisgoingtohappen?”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,addressingherdaughterwithanxietyanddismay.
“Don’tworryyourself,mother,”saidDounia,takingoffherhatandcape.
“Godhassentthisgentlemantoouraid,thoughhehascomefromadrinkingparty.Wecandependonhim,Iassureyou.AndallthathehasdoneforRodya….”
“Ah.Dounia,goodnessknowswhetherhewillcome!
HowcouldIbringmyselftoleaveRodya?
...Andhowdifferent,howdifferentIhadfanciedourmeeting!
Howsullenhewas,asthoughnotpleasedtoseeus….”
Tearscameintohereyes.
“No,it’snotthat,mother.Youdidn’tsee,youwerecryingallthetime.Heisquiteunhingedbyseriousillness—that’sthereason.”
“Ah,thatillness!Whatwillhappen,whatwillhappen?Andhowhetalkedtoyou,Dounia!”
saidthemother,lookingtimidlyatherdaughter,tryingtoreadherthoughtsand,alreadyhalfconsoledbyDounia’sstandingupforherbrother,whichmeantthatshehadalreadyforgivenhim.
“Iamsurehewillthinkbetterofitto-morrow,”sheadded,probingherfurther.
“AndIamsurethathewillsaythesameto-morrow…aboutthat,”AvdotyaRomanovnasaidfinally.
And,ofcourse,therewasnogoingbeyondthat,forthiswasapointwhichPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasafraidtodiscuss.Douniawentupandkissedhermother.
Thelatterwarmlyembracedherwithoutspeaking.
ThenshesatdowntowaitanxiouslyforRazumihin’sreturn,timidlywatchingherdaughterwhowalkedupanddowntheroomwithherarmsfolded,lostinthought.
ThiswalkingupanddownwhenshewasthinkingwasahabitofAvdotyaRomanovna’sandthemotherwasalwaysafraidtobreakinonherdaughter’smoodatsuchmoments.
Razumihin,ofcourse,wasridiculousinhissuddendrunkeninfatuationforAvdotyaRomanovna.
Yetapartfromhiseccentriccondition,manypeoplewouldhavethoughtitjustifiediftheyhadseenAvdotyaRomanovna,especiallyatthatmomentwhenshewaswalkingtoandfrowithfoldedarms,pensiveandmelancholy.
AvdotyaRomanovnawasremarkablygoodlooking;shewastall,strikinglywell-proportioned,strongandself-reliant—thelatterqualitywasapparentineverygesture,thoughitdidnotintheleastdetractfromthegraceandsoftnessofhermovements.
Infacesheresembledherbrother,butshemightbedescribedasreallybeautiful.
Herhairwasdarkbrown,alittlelighterthanherbrother’s;therewasaproudlightinheralmostblackeyesandyetattimesalookofextraordinarykindness.
Shewaspale,butitwasahealthypallor;herfacewasradiantwithfreshnessandvigour.
Hermouthwasrathersmall;thefullredlowerlipprojectedalittleasdidherchin;itwastheonlyirregularityinherbeautifulface,butitgaveitapeculiarlyindividualandalmosthaughtyexpression.
Herfacewasalwaysmoreseriousandthoughtfulthangay;buthowwellsmiles,howwellyouthful,lighthearted,irresponsible,laughtersuitedherface!
Itwasnaturalenoughthatawarm,open,simple-hearted,honestgiantlikeRazumihin,whohadneverseenanyonelikeherandwasnotquitesoberatthetime,shouldlosehisheadimmediately.
Besides,aschancewouldhaveit,hesawDouniaforthefirsttimetransfiguredbyherloveforherbrotherandherjoyatmeetinghim.
Afterwardshesawherlowerlipquiverwithindignationatherbrother’sinsolent,cruelandungratefulwords—andhisfatewassealed.
Hehadspokenthetruth,moreover,whenheblurtedoutinhisdrunkentalkonthestairsthatPraskovyaPavlovna,Raskolnikov’seccentriclandlady,wouldbejealousofPulcheriaAlexandrovnaaswellasofAvdotyaRomanovnaonhisaccount.
AlthoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasforty-three,herfacestillretainedtracesofherformerbeauty;shelookedmuchyoungerthanherage,indeed,whichisalmostalwaysthecasewithwomenwhoretainserenityofspirit,sensitivenessandpuresincerewarmthofhearttooldage.
Wemayaddinparenthesisthattopreserveallthisistheonlymeansofretainingbeautytooldage.
Herhairhadbeguntogrowgreyandthin,therehadlongbeenlittlecrow’sfootwrinklesroundhereyes,hercheekswerehollowandsunkenfromanxietyandgrief,andyetitwasahandsomeface.
ShewasDouniaoveragain,twentyyearsolder,butwithouttheprojectingunderlip.
PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasemotional,butnotsentimental,timidandyielding,butonlytoacertainpoint.
Shecouldgivewayandacceptagreatdealevenofwhatwascontrarytoherconvictions,buttherewasacertainbarrierfixedbyhonesty,principleandthedeepestconvictionswhichnothingwouldinducehertocross.
ExactlytwentyminutesafterRazumihin’sdeparture,therecametwosubduedbuthurriedknocksatthedoor:hehadcomeback.
“Iwon’tcomein,Ihaven’ttime,”hehastenedtosaywhenthedoorwasopened.
“Hesleepslikeatop,soundly,quietly,andGodgranthemaysleeptenhours.
Nastasya’swithhim;ItoldhernottoleavetillIcame.
NowIamfetchingZossimov,hewillreporttoyouandthenyou’dbetterturnin;Icanseeyouaretootiredtodoanything….”
Andheranoffdownthecorridor.
“Whataverycompetentand…devotedyoungman!”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovnaexceedinglydelighted.
“Heseemsasplendidperson!”AvdotyaRomanovnarepliedwithsomewarmth,resumingherwalkupanddowntheroom.
Itwasnearlyanhourlaterwhentheyheardfootstepsinthecorridorandanotherknockatthedoor.
BothwomenwaitedthistimecompletelyrelyingonRazumihin’spromise;heactuallyhadsucceededinbringingZossimov.
ZossimovhadagreedatoncetodesertthedrinkingpartytogotoRaskolnikov’s,buthecamereluctantlyandwiththegreatestsuspiciontoseetheladies,mistrustingRazumihininhisexhilaratedcondition.
Buthisvanitywasatoncereassuredandflattered;hesawthattheywerereallyexpectinghimasanoracle.
HestayedjusttenminutesandsucceededincompletelyconvincingandcomfortingPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
Hespokewithmarkedsympathy,butwiththereserveandextremeseriousnessofayoungdoctoratanimportantconsultation.
Hedidnotutterawordonanyothersubjectanddidnotdisplaytheslightestdesiretoenterintomorepersonalrelationswiththetwoladies.
RemarkingathisfirstentrancethedazzlingbeautyofAvdotyaRomanovna,heendeavourednottonoticeheratallduringhisvisitandaddressedhimselfsolelytoPulcheriaAlexandrovna.
Allthisgavehimextraordinaryinwardsatisfaction.
Hedeclaredthathethoughttheinvalidatthismomentgoingonverysatisfactorily.
Accordingtohisobservationsthepatient’sillnesswasduepartlytohisunfortunatematerialsurroundingsduringthelastfewmonths,butithadpartlyalsoamoralorigin,“was,sotospeak,theproductofseveralmaterialandmoralinfluences,anxieties,apprehensions,troubles,certainideas…andsoon.”
NoticingstealthilythatAvdotyaRomanovnawasfollowinghiswordswithcloseattention,Zossimovallowedhimselftoenlargeonthistheme.
OnPulcheriaAlexandrovna’sanxiouslyandtimidlyinquiringasto“somesuspicionofinsanity,”herepliedwithacomposedandcandidsmilethathiswordshadbeenexaggerated;thatcertainlythepatienthadsomefixedidea,somethingapproachingamonomania—he,Zossimov,wasnowparticularlystudyingthisinterestingbranchofmedicine—butthatitmustberecollectedthatuntilto-daythepatienthadbeenindeliriumand…andthatnodoubtthepresenceofhisfamilywouldhaveafavourableeffectonhisrecoveryanddistracthismind,“ifonlyallfreshshockscanbeavoided,”headdedsignificantly.
Thenhegotup,tookleavewithanimpressiveandaffablebow,whileblessings,warmgratitude,andentreatieswereshowereduponhim,andAvdotyaRomanovnaspontaneouslyofferedherhandtohim.
Hewentoutexceedinglypleasedwithhisvisitandstillmoresowithhimself.
“We’lltalkto-morrow;gotobedatonce!”Razumihinsaidinconclusion,followingZossimovout.“I’llbewithyouto-morrowmorningasearlyaspossiblewithmyreport.”
“That’safetchinglittlegirl,AvdotyaRomanovna,”remarkedZossimov,almostlickinghislipsastheybothcameoutintothestreet.
“Fetching?Yousaidfetching?”
roaredRazumihinandheflewatZossimovandseizedhimbythethroat.“Ifyoueverdare….Doyouunderstand?Doyouunderstand?”
heshouted,shakinghimbythecollarandsqueezinghimagainstthewall.“Doyouhear?”
“Letmego,youdrunkendevil,”saidZossimov,strugglingandwhenhehadlethimgo,hestaredathimandwentoffintoasuddenguffaw.Razumihinstoodfacinghimingloomyandearnestreflection.
“Ofcourse,Iamanass,”heobserved,sombreasastormcloud,“butstill…youareanother.”
“No,brother,notatallsuchanother.Iamnotdreamingofanyfolly.”
TheywalkedalonginsilenceandonlywhentheywereclosetoRaskolnikov’slodgings,Razumihinbrokethesilenceinconsiderableanxiety.
“Listen,”hesaid,“you’reafirst-ratefellow,butamongyourotherfailings,you’realoosefish,thatIknow,andadirtyone,too.
Youareafeeble,nervouswretch,andamassofwhims,you’regettingfatandlazyandcan’tdenyyourselfanything—andIcallthatdirtybecauseitleadsonestraightintothedirt.
You’veletyourselfgetsoslackthatIdon’tknowhowitisyouarestillagood,evenadevoteddoctor.
You—adoctor—sleeponafeatherbedandgetupatnighttoyourpatients!
Inanotherthreeorfouryearsyouwon’tgetupforyourpatients…Buthangitall,that’snotthepoint!
...Youaregoingtospendto-nightinthelandlady’sflathere.(HardworkI’vehadtopersuadeher!)AndI’llbeinthekitchen.
Sohere’sachanceforyoutogettoknowherbetter….It’snotasyouthink!
There’snotatraceofanythingofthesort,brother…!”
“ButIdon’tthink!”
“Hereyouhavemodesty,brother,silence,bashfulness,asavagevirtue…andyetshe’ssighingandmeltinglikewax,simplymelting!Savemefromher,byallthat’sunholy!
She’smostprepossessing…I’llrepayyou,I’lldoanything….”
Zossimovlaughedmoreviolentlythanever.
“Well,youaresmitten!ButwhatamItodowithher?”
“Itwon’tbemuchtrouble,Iassureyou.
Talkanyrotyouliketoher,aslongasyousitbyherandtalk.
You’readoctor,too;trycuringherofsomething.Iswearyouwon’tregretit.
Shehasapiano,andyouknow,Istrumalittle.
Ihaveasongthere,agenuineRussianone:‘Ishedhottears.’
Shelikesthegenuinearticle—andwell,itallbeganwiththatsong;Nowyou’rearegularperformer,amaître,aRubinstein….Iassureyou,youwon’tregretit!”
“Buthaveyoumadehersomepromise?Somethingsigned?Apromiseofmarriage,perhaps?”
“Nothing,nothing,absolutelynothingofthekind!Besidessheisnotthatsortatall….Tchebarovtriedthat….”
“Wellthen,dropher!”
“ButIcan’tdropherlikethat!”
“Whycan’tyou?”
“Well,Ican’t,that’sallaboutit!There’sanelementofattractionhere,brother.”
“Thenwhyhaveyoufascinatedher?”
“Ihaven’tfascinatedher;perhapsIwasfascinatedmyselfinmyfolly.
Butshewon’tcareastrawwhetherit’syouorI,solongassomebodysitsbesideher,sighing….
Ican’texplaintheposition,brother…lookhere,youaregoodatmathematics,andworkingatitnow…beginteachinghertheintegralcalculus;uponmysoul,I’mnotjoking,I’minearnest,it’llbejustthesametoher.
Shewillgazeatyouandsighforawholeyeartogether.
ItalkedtoheroncefortwodaysatatimeaboutthePrussianHouseofLords(foronemusttalkofsomething)—shejustsighedandperspired!
Andyoumustn’ttalkoflove—she’sbashfultohysterics—butjustletherseeyoucan’ttearyourselfaway—that’senough.
It’sfearfullycomfortable;you’requiteathome,youcanread,sit,lieabout,write.
Youmayevenventureonakiss,ifyou’recareful.”
“ButwhatdoIwantwithher?”
“Ach,Ican’tmakeyouunderstand!Yousee,youaremadeforeachother!Ihaveoftenbeenremindedofyou!...You’llcometoitintheend!
Sodoesitmatterwhetherit’ssoonerorlater?
There’sthefeather-bedelementhere,brother—ach!andnotonlythat!
There’sanattractionhere—hereyouhavetheendoftheworld,ananchorage,aquiethaven,thenaveloftheearth,thethreefishesthatarethefoundationoftheworld,theessenceofpancakes,ofsavouryfish-pies,oftheeveningsamovar,ofsoftsighsandwarmshawls,andhotstovestosleepon—assnugasthoughyouweredead,andyetyou’realive—theadvantagesofbothatonce!
Well,hangit,brother,whatstuffI’mtalking,it’sbedtime!Listen.
Isometimeswakeupatnight;soI’llgoinandlookathim.Butthere’snoneed,it’sallright.
Don’tyouworryyourself,yetifyoulike,youmightjustlookinonce,too.
Butifyounoticeanything—deliriumorfever—wakemeatonce.Buttherecan’tbe….”
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