English
Anelegantcarriagestoodinthemiddleoftheroadwithapairofspiritedgreyhorses;therewasnooneinit,andthecoachmanhadgotoffhisboxandstoodby;thehorseswerebeingheldbythebridle….
Amassofpeoplehadgatheredround,thepolicestandinginfront.
Oneofthemheldalightedlanternwhichhewasturningonsomethinglyingclosetothewheels.
Everyonewastalking,shouting,exclaiming;thecoachmanseemedatalossandkeptrepeating:
“Whatamisfortune!GoodLord,whatamisfortune!”
Raskolnikovpushedhiswayinasfarashecould,andsucceededatlastinseeingtheobjectofthecommotionandinterest.
Onthegroundamanwhohadbeenrunoverlayapparentlyunconscious,andcoveredwithblood;hewasverybadlydressed,butnotlikeaworkman.
Bloodwasflowingfromhisheadandface;hisfacewascrushed,mutilatedanddisfigured.Hewasevidentlybadlyinjured.
“Mercifulheaven!”wailedthecoachman,“whatmorecouldIdo?
IfI’dbeendrivingfastorhadnotshoutedtohim,butIwasgoingquietly,notinahurry.
EveryonecouldseeIwasgoingalongjustlikeeverybodyelse.
Adrunkenmancan’twalkstraight,weallknow….
Isawhimcrossingthestreet,staggeringandalmostfalling.
Ishoutedagainandasecondandathirdtime,thenIheldthehorsesin,buthefellstraightundertheirfeet!
Eitherhediditonpurposeorhewasverytipsy….
Thehorsesareyoungandreadytotakefright…theystarted,hescreamed…thatmadethemworse.That’showithappened!”
“That’sjusthowitwas,”avoiceinthecrowdconfirmed.
“Heshouted,that’strue,heshoutedthreetimes,”anothervoicedeclared.
“Threetimesitwas,weallheardit,”shoutedathird.
Butthecoachmanwasnotverymuchdistressedandfrightened.
Itwasevidentthatthecarriagebelongedtoarichandimportantpersonwhowasawaitingitsomewhere;thepolice,ofcourse,wereinnolittleanxietytoavoidupsettinghisarrangements.
Alltheyhadtodowastotaketheinjuredmantothepolicestationandthehospital.Nooneknewhisname.
MeanwhileRaskolnikovhadsqueezedinandstoopedcloseroverhim.Thelanternsuddenlylighteduptheunfortunateman’sface.Herecognisedhim.
“Iknowhim!Iknowhim!”heshouted,pushingtothefront.
“It’sagovernmentclerkretiredfromtheservice,Marmeladov.HelivesclosebyinKozel’shouse….Makehasteforadoctor!Iwillpay,see?”
Hepulledmoneyoutofhispocketandshowedittothepoliceman.Hewasinviolentagitation.
Thepoliceweregladthattheyhadfoundoutwhothemanwas.
Raskolnikovgavehisownnameandaddress,and,asearnestlyasifithadbeenhisfather,hebesoughtthepolicetocarrytheunconsciousMarmeladovtohislodgingatonce.
“Justhere,threehousesaway,”hesaideagerly,“thehousebelongstoKozel,arichGerman.Hewasgoinghome,nodoubtdrunk.Iknowhim,heisadrunkard.
Hehasafamilythere,awife,children,hehasonedaughter….
Itwilltaketimetotakehimtothehospital,andthereissuretobeadoctorinthehouse.I’llpay,I’llpay!
Atleasthewillbelookedafterathome…theywillhelphimatonce.
Buthe’lldiebeforeyougethimtothehospital.”
Hemanagedtoslipsomethingunseenintothepoliceman’shand.
Butthethingwasstraightforwardandlegitimate,andinanycasehelpwascloserhere.
Theyraisedtheinjuredman;peoplevolunteeredtohelp.
Kozel’shousewasthirtyyardsaway.Raskolnikovwalkedbehind,carefullyholdingMarmeladov’sheadandshowingtheway.
“Thisway,thisway!Wemusttakehimupstairsheadforemost.Turnround!I’llpay,I’llmakeitworthyourwhile,”hemuttered.
KaterinaIvanovnahadjustbegun,asshealwaysdidateveryfreemoment,walkingtoandfroinherlittleroomfromwindowtostoveandbackagain,withherarmsfoldedacrossherchest,talkingtoherselfandcoughing.
Oflateshehadbeguntotalkmorethanevertohereldestgirl,Polenka,achildoften,who,thoughtherewasmuchshedidnotunderstand,understoodverywellthathermotherneededher,andsoalwayswatchedherwithherbigclevereyesandstroveherutmosttoappeartounderstand.
ThistimePolenkawasundressingherlittlebrother,whohadbeenunwellalldayandwasgoingtobed.
Theboywaswaitingforhertotakeoffhisshirt,whichhadtobewashedatnight.
Hewassittingstraightandmotionlessonachair,withasilent,seriousface,withhislegsstretchedoutstraightbeforehim—heelstogetherandtoesturnedout.
Hewaslisteningtowhathismotherwassayingtohissister,sittingperfectlystillwithpoutinglipsandwide-openeyes,justasallgoodlittleboyshavetositwhentheyareundressedtogotobed.
Alittlegirl,stillyounger,dressedliterallyinrags,stoodatthescreen,waitingforherturn.
Thedoorontothestairswasopentorelievethemalittlefromthecloudsoftobaccosmokewhichfloatedinfromtheotherroomsandbroughtonlongterriblefitsofcoughinginthepoor,consumptivewoman.
KaterinaIvanovnaseemedtohavegrowneventhinnerduringthatweekandthehecticflushonherfacewasbrighterthanever.
“Youwouldn’tbelieve,youcan’timagine,Polenka,”shesaid,walkingabouttheroom,“whatahappyluxuriouslifewehadinmypapa’shouseandhowthisdrunkardhasbroughtme,andwillbringyouall,toruin!
Papawasacivilcolonelandonlyastepfrombeingagovernor;sothateveryonewhocametoseehimsaid,‘Welookuponyou,IvanMihailovitch,asourgovernor!’
WhenI…when…”shecoughedviolently,“oh,cursedlife,”shecried,clearingherthroatandpressingherhandstoherbreast,“whenI…whenatthelastball…atthemarshal’s…PrincessBezzemelnysawme—whogavemetheblessingwhenyourfatherandIweremarried,Polenka—sheaskedatonce‘Isn’tthattheprettygirlwhodancedtheshawldanceatthebreaking-up?’
(Youmustmendthattear,youmusttakeyourneedleanddarnitasIshowedyou,orto-morrow—cough,cough,cough—hewillmaketheholebigger,”shearticulatedwitheffort.)
“PrinceSchegolskoy,akammerjunker,hadjustcomefromPetersburgthen…hedancedthemazurkawithmeandwantedtomakemeanoffernextday;butIthankedhiminflatteringexpressionsandtoldhimthatmyhearthadlongbeenanother’s.
Thatotherwasyourfather,Polya;papawasfearfullyangry….Isthewaterready?Givemetheshirt,andthestockings!
Lida,”saidshetotheyoungestone,“youmustmanagewithoutyourchemiseto-night…andlayyourstockingsoutwithit…I’llwashthemtogether….
Howisitthatdrunkenvagabonddoesn’tcomein?
Hehaswornhisshirttillitlookslikeadish-clout,hehastornittorags!
I’ddoitalltogether,soasnottohavetoworktwonightsrunning!Oh,dear!(Cough,cough,cough,cough!)Again!What’sthis?”
shecried,noticingacrowdinthepassageandthemen,whowerepushingintoherroom,carryingaburden.“Whatisit?Whataretheybringing?Mercyonus!”
“Wherearewetoputhim?”askedthepoliceman,lookingroundwhenMarmeladov,unconsciousandcoveredwithblood,hadbeencarriedin.
“Onthesofa!Puthimstraightonthesofa,withhisheadthisway,”Raskolnikovshowedhim.
“Runoverintheroad!Drunk!”someoneshoutedinthepassage.
KaterinaIvanovnastood,turningwhiteandgaspingforbreath.Thechildrenwereterrified.LittleLidascreamed,rushedtoPolenkaandclutchedather,tremblingallover.
HavinglaidMarmeladovdown,RaskolnikovflewtoKaterinaIvanovna.
“ForGod’ssakebecalm,don’tbefrightened!”
hesaid,speakingquickly,“hewascrossingtheroadandwasrunoverbyacarriage,don’tbefrightened,hewillcometo,Itoldthembringhimhere…I’vebeenherealready,youremember?Hewillcometo;I’llpay!”
“He’sdoneitthistime!”KaterinaIvanovnacrieddespairinglyandsherushedtoherhusband.
Raskolnikovnoticedatoncethatshewasnotoneofthosewomenwhoswooneasily.
Sheinstantlyplacedunderthelucklessman’sheadapillow,whichnoonehadthoughtofandbeganundressingandexamininghim.
Shekeptherhead,forgettingherself,bitinghertremblinglipsandstiflingthescreamswhichwerereadytobreakfromher.
Raskolnikovmeanwhileinducedsomeonetorunforadoctor.Therewasadoctor,itappeared,nextdoorbutone.
“I’vesentforadoctor,”hekeptassuringKaterinaIvanovna,“don’tbeuneasy,I’llpay.Haven’tyouwater?
...andgivemeanapkinoratowel,anything,asquickasyoucan….
Heisinjured,butnotkilled,believeme….Weshallseewhatthedoctorsays!”
KaterinaIvanovnarantothewindow;there,onabrokenchairinthecorner,alargeearthenwarebasinfullofwaterhadbeenstood,inreadinessforwashingherchildren’sandhusband’slinenthatnight.
ThiswashingwasdonebyKaterinaIvanovnaatnightatleasttwiceaweek,ifnotoftener.
Forthefamilyhadcometosuchapassthattheywerepracticallywithoutchangeoflinen,andKaterinaIvanovnacouldnotendureuncleanlinessand,ratherthanseedirtinthehouse,shepreferredtowearherselfoutatnight,workingbeyondherstrengthwhentherestwereasleep,soastogetthewetlinenhungonalineanddrybythemorning.
ShetookupthebasinofwateratRaskolnikov’srequest,butalmostfelldownwithherburden.
Butthelatterhadalreadysucceededinfindingatowel,wetteditandbeganwashingthebloodoffMarmeladov’sface.
KaterinaIvanovnastoodby,breathingpainfullyandpressingherhandstoherbreast.Shewasinneedofattentionherself.
Raskolnikovbegantorealisethathemighthavemadeamistakeinhavingtheinjuredmanbroughthere.
Thepoliceman,too,stoodinhesitation.
“Polenka,”criedKaterinaIvanovna,“runtoSonia,makehaste.
Ifyoudon’tfindherathome,leavewordthatherfatherhasbeenrunoverandthatsheistocomehereatonce…whenshecomesin.Run,Polenka!there,putontheshawl.”
“Runyourfastest!”criedthelittleboyonthechairsuddenly,afterwhichherelapsedintothesamedumbrigidity,withroundeyes,hisheelsthrustforwardandhistoesspreadout.
Meanwhiletheroomhadbecomesofullofpeoplethatyoucouldn’thavedroppedapin.
Thepolicemenleft,allexceptone,whoremainedforatime,tryingtodriveoutthepeoplewhocameinfromthestairs.
AlmostallMadameLippevechsel’slodgershadstreamedinfromtheinnerroomsoftheflat;atfirsttheyweresqueezedtogetherinthedoorway,butafterwardstheyoverflowedintotheroom.KaterinaIvanovnaflewintoafury.
“Youmightlethimdieinpeace,atleast,”sheshoutedatthecrowd,“isitaspectacleforyoutogapeat?Withcigarettes!(Cough,cough,cough!)Youmightaswellkeepyourhatson….Andthereisoneinhishat!...Getaway!Youshouldrespectthedead,atleast!”
Hercoughchokedher—butherreproacheswerenotwithoutresult.
TheyevidentlystoodinsomeaweofKaterinaIvanovna.
Thelodgers,oneafteranother,squeezedbackintothedoorwaywiththatstrangeinnerfeelingofsatisfactionwhichmaybeobservedinthepresenceofasuddenaccident,eveninthosenearestanddearesttothevictim,fromwhichnolivingmanisexempt,eveninspiteofthesincerestsympathyandcompassion.
Voicesoutsidewereheard,however,speakingofthehospitalandsayingthatthey’dnobusinesstomakeadisturbancehere.
“Nobusinesstodie!”criedKaterinaIvanovna,andshewasrushingtothedoortoventherwrathuponthem,butinthedoorwaycamefacetofacewithMadameLippevechselwhohadonlyjustheardoftheaccidentandranintorestoreorder.
ShewasaparticularlyquarrelsomeandirresponsibleGerman.
“Ah,myGod!”shecried,claspingherhands,“yourhusbanddrunkenhorseshavetrampled!Tothehospitalwithhim!Iamthelandlady!”
“AmaliaLudwigovna,Ibegyoutorecollectwhatyouaresaying,”KaterinaIvanovnabeganhaughtily(shealwaystookahaughtytonewiththelandladythatshemight“rememberherplace”andevennowcouldnotdenyherselfthissatisfaction).“AmaliaLudwigovna…”
“IhaveyouoncebeforetoldthatyoutocallmeAmaliaLudwigovnamaynotdare;IamAmaliaIvanovna.”
“YouarenotAmaliaIvanovna,butAmaliaLudwigovna,andasIamnotoneofyourdespicableflattererslikeMr.Lebeziatnikov,who’slaughingbehindthedooratthismoment(alaughandacryof‘theyareatitagain’wasinfactaudibleatthedoor)soIshallalwayscallyouAmaliaLudwigovna,thoughIfailtounderstandwhyyoudislikethatname.
YoucanseeforyourselfwhathashappenedtoSemyonZaharovitch;heisdying.
Ibegyoutoclosethatdooratonceandtoadmitnoone.Lethimatleastdieinpeace!
OrIwarnyoutheGovernor-General,himself,shallbeinformedofyourconductto-morrow.
Theprinceknewmeasagirl;heremembersSemyonZaharovitchwellandhasoftenbeenabenefactortohim.
EveryoneknowsthatSemyonZaharovitchhadmanyfriendsandprotectors,whomheabandonedhimselffromanhonourablepride,knowinghisunhappyweakness,butnow(shepointedtoRaskolnikov)agenerousyoungmanhascometoourassistance,whohaswealthandconnectionsandwhomSemyonZaharovitchhasknownfromachild.
Youmayrestassured,AmaliaLudwigovna…”
Allthiswasutteredwithextremerapidity,gettingquickerandquicker,butacoughsuddenlycutshortKaterinaIvanovna’seloquence.
Atthatinstantthedyingmanrecoveredconsciousnessandutteredagroan;sherantohim.
TheinjuredmanopenedhiseyesandwithoutrecognitionorunderstandinggazedatRaskolnikovwhowasbendingoverhim.
Hedrewdeep,slow,painfulbreaths;bloodoozedatthecornersofhismouthanddropsofperspirationcameoutonhisforehead.
NotrecognisingRaskolnikov,hebeganlookingrounduneasily.
KaterinaIvanovnalookedathimwithasadbutsternface,andtearstrickledfromhereyes.
“MyGod!Hiswholechestiscrushed!Howheisbleeding,”shesaidindespair.“Wemusttakeoffhisclothes.Turnalittle,SemyonZaharovitch,ifyoucan,”shecriedtohim.
Marmeladovrecognisedher.
“Apriest,”hearticulatedhuskily.
KaterinaIvanovnawalkedtothewindow,laidherheadagainstthewindowframeandexclaimedindespair:
“Oh,cursedlife!”
“Apriest,”thedyingmansaidagainafteramoment’ssilence.
“They’vegoneforhim,”KaterinaIvanovnashoutedtohim,heobeyedhershoutandwassilent.
Withsadandtimideyeshelookedforher;shereturnedandstoodbyhispillow.
Heseemedalittleeasierbutnotforlong.
SoonhiseyesrestedonlittleLida,hisfavourite,whowasshakinginthecorner,asthoughshewereinafit,andstaringathimwithherwonderingchildisheyes.
“A-ah,”hesignedtowardsheruneasily.Hewantedtosaysomething.
“Whatnow?”criedKaterinaIvanovna.
“Barefoot,barefoot!”hemuttered,indicatingwithfrenziedeyesthechild’sbarefeet.
“Besilent,”KaterinaIvanovnacriedirritably,“youknowwhysheisbarefooted.”
“ThankGod,thedoctor,”exclaimedRaskolnikov,relieved.
Thedoctorcamein,apreciselittleoldman,aGerman,lookingabouthimmistrustfully;hewentuptothesickman,tookhispulse,carefullyfelthisheadandwiththehelpofKaterinaIvanovnaheunbuttonedtheblood-stainedshirt,andbaredtheinjuredman’schest.
Itwasgashed,crushedandfractured,severalribsontherightsidewerebroken.
Ontheleftside,justovertheheart,wasalarge,sinister-lookingyellowish-blackbruise—acruelkickfromthehorse’shoof.Thedoctorfrowned.
Thepolicemantoldhimthathewascaughtinthewheelandturnedroundwithitforthirtyyardsontheroad.
“It’swonderfulthathehasrecoveredconsciousness,”thedoctorwhisperedsoftlytoRaskolnikov.
“Whatdoyouthinkofhim?”heasked.
“Hewilldieimmediately.”
“Istherereallynohope?”
“Notthefaintest!Heisatthelastgasp….Hisheadisbadlyinjured,too…Hm…Icouldbleedhimifyoulike,but…itwouldbeuseless.Heisboundtodiewithinthenextfiveortenminutes.”
“Betterbleedhimthen.”
“Ifyoulike….ButIwarnyouitwillbeperfectlyuseless.”
Atthatmomentotherstepswereheard;thecrowdinthepassageparted,andthepriest,alittle,greyoldman,appearedinthedoorwaybearingthesacrament.
Apolicemanhadgoneforhimatthetimeoftheaccident.
Thedoctorchangedplaceswithhim,exchangingglanceswithhim.
Raskolnikovbeggedthedoctortoremainalittlewhile.Heshruggedhisshouldersandremained.
Allsteppedback.Theconfessionwassoonover.
Thedyingmanprobablyunderstoodlittle;hecouldonlyutterindistinctbrokensounds.
KaterinaIvanovnatooklittleLida,liftedtheboyfromthechair,kneltdowninthecornerbythestoveandmadethechildrenkneelinfrontofher.
Thelittlegirlwasstilltrembling;buttheboy,kneelingonhislittlebareknees,liftedhishandrhythmically,crossinghimselfwithprecisionandboweddown,touchingthefloorwithhisforehead,whichseemedtoaffordhimespecialsatisfaction.
KaterinaIvanovnabitherlipsandheldbackhertears;sheprayed,too,nowandthenpullingstraighttheboy’sshirt,andmanagedtocoverthegirl’sbareshoulderswithakerchief,whichshetookfromthechestwithoutrisingfromherkneesorceasingtopray.
Meanwhilethedoorfromtheinnerroomswasopenedinquisitivelyagain.
Inthepassagethecrowdofspectatorsfromalltheflatsonthestaircasegrewdenseranddenser,buttheydidnotventurebeyondthethreshold.
Asinglecandle-endlightedupthescene.
AtthatmomentPolenkaforcedherwaythroughthecrowdatthedoor.
Shecameinpantingfromrunningsofast,tookoffherkerchief,lookedforhermother,wentuptoherandsaid,“She’scoming,Imetherinthestreet.”Hermothermadeherkneelbesideher.
Timidlyandnoiselesslyayounggirlmadeherwaythroughthecrowd,andstrangewasherappearanceinthatroom,inthemidstofwant,rags,deathanddespair.
She,too,wasinrags,herattirewasallofthecheapest,butdeckedoutingutterfineryofaspecialstamp,unmistakablybetrayingitsshamefulpurpose.
Soniastoppedshortinthedoorwayandlookedaboutherbewildered,unconsciousofeverything.
Sheforgotherfourth-hand,gaudysilkdress,sounseemlyherewithitsridiculouslongtrain,andherimmensecrinolinethatfilledupthewholedoorway,andherlight-colouredshoes,andtheparasolshebroughtwithher,thoughitwasnouseatnight,andtheabsurdroundstrawhatwithitsflaringflame-colouredfeather.
Underthisrakishly-tiltedhatwasapale,frightenedlittlefacewithlipspartedandeyesstaringinterror.
Soniawasasmallthingirlofeighteenwithfairhair,ratherpretty,withwonderfulblueeyes.
Shelookedintentlyatthebedandthepriest;shetoowasoutofbreathwithrunning.
Atlastwhispers,somewordsinthecrowdprobably,reachedher.
Shelookeddownandtookastepforwardintotheroom,stillkeepingclosetothedoor.
Theservicewasover.KaterinaIvanovnawentuptoherhusbandagain.TheprieststeppedbackandturnedtosayafewwordsofadmonitionandconsolationtoKaterinaIvanovnaonleaving.
“WhatamItodowiththese?”sheinterruptedsharplyandirritably,pointingtothelittleones.
“Godismerciful;looktotheMostHighforsuccour,”thepriestbegan.
“Ach!Heismerciful,butnottous.”
“That’sasin,asin,madam,”observedthepriest,shakinghishead.
“Andisn’tthatasin?”criedKaterinaIvanovna,pointingtothedyingman.
“Perhapsthosewhohaveinvoluntarilycausedtheaccidentwillagreetocompensateyou,atleastforthelossofhisearnings.”
“Youdon’tunderstand!”criedKaterinaIvanovnaangrilywavingherhand.“Andwhyshouldtheycompensateme?
Why,hewasdrunkandthrewhimselfunderthehorses!Whatearnings?Hebroughtusinnothingbutmisery.Hedrankeverythingaway,thedrunkard!
Herobbedustogetdrink,hewastedtheirlivesandminefordrink!AndthankGodhe’sdying!Onelesstokeep!”
“Youmustforgiveinthehourofdeath,that’sasin,madam,suchfeelingsareagreatsin.”
KaterinaIvanovnawasbusywiththedyingman;shewasgivinghimwater,wipingthebloodandsweatfromhishead,settinghispillowstraight,andhadonlyturnednowandthenforamomenttoaddressthepriest.Nowsheflewathimalmostinafrenzy.
“Ah,father!That’swordsandonlywords!Forgive!
Ifhe’dnotbeenrunover,he’dhavecomehometo-daydrunkandhisonlyshirtdirtyandinragsandhe’dhavefallenasleeplikealog,andIshouldhavebeensousingandrinsingtilldaybreak,washinghisragsandthechildren’sandthendryingthembythewindowandassoonasitwasdaylightIshouldhavebeendarningthem.That’showIspendmynights!
...What’stheuseoftalkingofforgiveness!Ihaveforgivenasitis!”
Aterriblehollowcoughinterruptedherwords.
Sheputherhandkerchieftoherlipsandshowedittothepriest,pressingherotherhandtoherachingchest.
Thehandkerchiefwascoveredwithblood.
Thepriestbowedhisheadandsaidnothing.
Marmeladovwasinthelastagony;hedidnottakehiseyesoffthefaceofKaterinaIvanovna,whowasbendingoverhimagain.
Hekepttryingtosaysomethingtoher;hebeganmovinghistonguewithdifficultyandarticulatingindistinctly,butKaterinaIvanovna,understandingthathewantedtoaskherforgiveness,calledperemptorilytohim:
“Besilent!Noneed!Iknowwhatyouwanttosay!”Andthesickmanwassilent,butatthesameinstanthiswanderingeyesstrayedtothedoorwayandhesawSonia.
Tillthenhehadnotnoticedher:shewasstandingintheshadowinacorner.
“Who’sthat?Who’sthat?”hesaidsuddenlyinathickgaspingvoice,inagitation,turninghiseyesinhorrortowardsthedoorwherehisdaughterwasstanding,andtryingtositup.
“Liedown!Liedo-own!”criedKaterinaIvanovna.
Withunnaturalstrengthhehadsucceededinproppinghimselfonhiselbow.
Helookedwildlyandfixedlyforsometimeonhisdaughter,asthoughnotrecognisingher.
Hehadneverseenherbeforeinsuchattire.
Suddenlyherecognisedher,crushedandashamedinherhumiliationandgaudyfinery,meeklyawaitingherturntosaygood-byetoherdyingfather.Hisfaceshowedintensesuffering.
“Sonia!Daughter!Forgive!”
hecried,andhetriedtoholdouthishandtoher,butlosinghisbalance,hefelloffthesofa,facedownwardsonthefloor.
Theyrushedtopickhimup,theyputhimonthesofa;buthewasdying.
Soniawithafaintcryranup,embracedhimandremainedsowithoutmoving.Hediedinherarms.
“He’sgotwhathewanted,”KaterinaIvanovnacried,seeingherhusband’sdeadbody.“Well,what’stobedonenow?HowamItoburyhim!WhatcanIgivethemto-morrowtoeat?”
RaskolnikovwentuptoKaterinaIvanovna.
“KaterinaIvanovna,”hebegan,“lastweekyourhusbandtoldmeallhislifeandcircumstances….
Believeme,hespokeofyouwithpassionatereverence.
Fromthatevening,whenIlearnthowdevotedhewastoyouallandhowhelovedandrespectedyouespecially,KaterinaIvanovna,inspiteofhisunfortunateweakness,fromthateveningwebecamefriends….
Allowmenow…todosomething…torepaymydebttomydeadfriend.
Herearetwentyroubles,Ithink—andifthatcanbeofanyassistancetoyou,then…I…inshort,Iwillcomeagain,Iwillbesuretocomeagain…Ishall,perhaps,comeagainto-morrow….Good-bye!”
Andhewentquicklyoutoftheroom,squeezinghiswaythroughthecrowdtothestairs.
ButinthecrowdhesuddenlyjostledagainstNikodimFomitch,whohadheardoftheaccidentandhadcometogiveinstructionsinperson.
Theyhadnotmetsincethesceneatthepolicestation,butNikodimFomitchknewhiminstantly.
“Ah,isthatyou?”heaskedhim.
“He’sdead,”answeredRaskolnikov.“Thedoctorandthepriesthavebeen,allasitshouldhavebeen.
Don’tworrythepoorwomantoomuch,sheisinconsumptionasitis.
Tryandcheerherup,ifpossible…youareakind-heartedman,Iknow…”headdedwithasmile,lookingstraightinhisface.
“Butyouarespatteredwithblood,”observedNikodimFomitch,noticinginthelamplightsomefreshstainsonRaskolnikov’swaistcoat.
“Yes…I’mcoveredwithblood,”Raskolnikovsaidwithapeculiarair;thenhesmiled,noddedandwentdownstairs.
Hewalkeddownslowlyanddeliberately,feverishbutnotconsciousofit,entirelyabsorbedinanewoverwhelmingsensationoflifeandstrengththatsurgedupsuddenlywithinhim.
Thissensationmightbecomparedtothatofamancondemnedtodeathwhohassuddenlybeenpardoned.
Halfwaydownthestaircasehewasovertakenbythepriestonhiswayhome;Raskolnikovlethimpass,exchangingasilentgreetingwithhim.
Hewasjustdescendingthelaststepswhenheheardrapidfootstepsbehindhim.Someoneovertookhim;itwasPolenka.
Shewasrunningafterhim,calling“Wait!wait!”
Heturnedround.Shewasatthebottomofthestaircaseandstoppedshortastepabovehim.Adimlightcameinfromtheyard.
Raskolnikovcoulddistinguishthechild’sthinbutprettylittleface,lookingathimwithabrightchildishsmile.
Shehadrunafterhimwithamessagewhichshewasevidentlygladtogive.
“Tellme,whatisyourname?...andwheredoyoulive?”shesaidhurriedlyinabreathlessvoice.
Helaidbothhandsonhershouldersandlookedatherwithasortofrapture.Itwassuchajoytohimtolookather,hecouldnothavesaidwhy.
“Whosentyou?”
“SisterSoniasentme,”answeredthegirl,smilingstillmorebrightly.
“IknewitwassisterSoniasentyou.”
“Mammasentme,too…whensisterSoniawassendingme,mammacameup,too,andsaid‘Runfast,Polenka.’”
“DoyoulovesisterSonia?”
“Ilovehermorethananyone,”Polenkaansweredwithapeculiarearnestness,andhersmilebecamegraver.
“Andwillyouloveme?”
Bywayofanswerhesawthelittlegirl’sfaceapproachinghim,herfulllipsnaïvelyheldouttokisshim.
Suddenlyherarmsasthinassticksheldhimtightly,herheadrestedonhisshoulderandthelittlegirlweptsoftly,pressingherfaceagainsthim.
“Iamsorryforfather,”shesaidamomentlater,raisinghertear-stainedfaceandbrushingawaythetearswithherhands.
“It’snothingbutmisfortunesnow,”sheaddedsuddenlywiththatpeculiarlysedateairwhichchildrentryhardtoassumewhentheywanttospeaklikegrown-uppeople.
“Didyourfatherloveyou?”
“HelovedLidamost,”shewentonveryseriouslywithoutasmile,exactlylikegrown-uppeople,“helovedherbecausesheislittleandbecausesheisill,too.
Andhealwaysusedtobringherpresents.
Buthetaughtustoreadandmegrammarandscripture,too,”sheaddedwithdignity.
“Andmotherneverusedtosayanything,butweknewthatshelikeditandfatherknewit,too.
AndmotherwantstoteachmeFrench,forit’stimemyeducationbegan.”
“Anddoyouknowyourprayers?”
“Ofcourse,wedo!Weknewthemlongago.
IsaymyprayerstomyselfasIamabiggirlnow,butKolyaandLidasaythemaloudwithmother.
Firsttheyrepeatthe‘AveMaria’andthenanotherprayer:‘Lord,forgiveandblesssisterSonia,’andthenanother,‘Lord,forgiveandblessoursecondfather.’
Forourelderfatherisdeadandthisisanotherone,butwedoprayfortheotheraswell.”
“Polenka,mynameisRodion.Praysometimesforme,too.‘AndThyservantRodion,’nothingmore.”
“I’llprayforyoualltherestofmylife,”thelittlegirldeclaredhotly,andsuddenlysmilingagainsherushedathimandhuggedhimwarmlyoncemore.
Raskolnikovtoldherhisnameandaddressandpromisedtobesuretocomenextday.
Thechildwentawayquiteenchantedwithhim.
Itwaspasttenwhenhecameoutintothestreet.
Infiveminuteshewasstandingonthebridgeatthespotwherethewomanhadjumpedin.
“Enough,”hepronouncedresolutelyandtriumphantly.
“I’vedonewithfancies,imaginaryterrorsandphantoms!Lifeisreal!haven’tIlivedjustnow?
Mylifehasnotyetdiedwiththatoldwoman!
TheKingdomofHeaventoher—andnowenough,madam,leavemeinpeace!
Nowforthereignofreasonandlight…andofwill,andofstrength…andnowwewillsee!Wewilltryourstrength!”
headdeddefiantly,asthoughchallengingsomepowerofdarkness.
“AndIwasreadytoconsenttoliveinasquareofspace!
“Iamveryweakatthismoment,but…Ibelievemyillnessisallover.
IknewitwouldbeoverwhenIwentout.
Bytheway,Potchinkov’shouseisonlyafewstepsaway.
IcertainlymustgotoRazumihinevenifitwerenotcloseby…lethimwinhisbet!
Letusgivehimsomesatisfaction,too—nomatter!
Strength,strengthiswhatonewants,youcangetnothingwithoutit,andstrengthmustbewonbystrength—that’swhattheydon’tknow,”headdedproudlyandself-confidentlyandhewalkedwithflaggingfootstepsfromthebridge.
Prideandself-confidencegrewcontinuallystrongerinhim;hewasbecomingadifferentmaneverymoment.
Whatwasithadhappenedtoworkthisrevolutioninhim?
Hedidnotknowhimself;likeamancatchingatastraw,hesuddenlyfeltthathe,too,‘couldlive,thattherewasstilllifeforhim,thathislifehadnotdiedwiththeoldwoman.’
Perhapshewasintoogreatahurrywithhisconclusions,buthedidnotthinkofthat.
“ButIdidaskhertoremember‘ThyservantRodion’inherprayers,”theideastruckhim.
“Well,thatwas…incaseofemergency,”headdedandlaughedhimselfathisboyishsally.Hewasinthebestofspirits.
HeeasilyfoundRazumihin;thenewlodgerwasalreadyknownatPotchinkov’sandtheporteratonceshowedhimtheway.
Half-wayupstairshecouldhearthenoiseandanimatedconversationofabiggatheringofpeople.
Thedoorwaswideopenonthestairs;hecouldhearexclamationsanddiscussion.
Razumihin’sroomwasfairlylarge;thecompanyconsistedoffifteenpeople.
Raskolnikovstoppedintheentry,wheretwoofthelandlady’sservantswerebusybehindascreenwithtwosamovars,bottles,platesanddishesofpieandsavouries,broughtupfromthelandlady’skitchen.RaskolnikovsentinforRazumihin.Heranoutdelighted.
Atthefirstglanceitwasapparentthathehadhadagreatdealtodrinkand,thoughnoamountofliquormadeRazumihinquitedrunk,thistimehewasperceptiblyaffectedbyit.
“Listen,”Raskolnikovhastenedtosay,“I’veonlyjustcometotellyouyou’vewonyourbetandthatnoonereallyknowswhatmaynothappentohim.
Ican’tcomein;IamsoweakthatIshallfalldowndirectly.Andsogoodeveningandgood-bye!Comeandseemeto-morrow.”
“Doyouknowwhat?I’llseeyouhome.Ifyousayyou’reweakyourself,youmust…”
“Andyourvisitors?Whoisthecurly-headedonewhohasjustpeepedout?”
“He?Goodnessonlyknows!
Somefriendofuncle’s,Iexpect,orperhapshehascomewithoutbeinginvited…I’llleaveunclewiththem,heisaninvaluableperson,pityIcan’tintroduceyoutohimnow.Butconfoundthemallnow!
Theywon’tnoticeme,andIneedalittlefreshair,foryou’vecomejustinthenickoftime—anothertwominutesandIshouldhavecometoblows!
Theyaretalkingsuchalotofwildstuff…yousimplycan’timaginewhatmenwillsay!Thoughwhyshouldn’tyouimagine?Don’twetalknonsenseourselves?
Andletthem…that’sthewaytolearnnotto!
...Waitaminute,I’llfetchZossimov.”
ZossimovpounceduponRaskolnikovalmostgreedily;heshowedaspecialinterestinhim;soonhisfacebrightened.
“Youmustgotobedatonce,”hepronounced,examiningthepatientasfarashecould,“andtakesomethingforthenight.Willyoutakeit?Igotitreadysometimeago…apowder.”
“Two,ifyoulike,”answeredRaskolnikov.Thepowderwastakenatonce.
“It’sagoodthingyouaretakinghimhome,”observedZossimovtoRazumihin—”weshallseehowheisto-morrow,to-dayhe’snotatallamiss—aconsiderablechangesincetheafternoon.Liveandlearn…”
“DoyouknowwhatZossimovwhisperedtomewhenwewerecomingout?”
Razumihinblurtedout,assoonastheywereinthestreet.
“Iwon’ttellyoueverything,brother,becausetheyaresuchfools.
Zossimovtoldmetotalkfreelytoyouonthewayandgetyoutotalkfreelytome,andafterwardsIamtotellhimaboutit,forhe’sgotanotioninhisheadthatyouare…madorcloseonit.Onlyfancy!
Inthefirstplace,you’vethreetimesthebrainshehas;inthesecond,ifyouarenotmad,youneedn’tcareahangthathehasgotsuchawildidea;andthirdly,thatpieceofbeefwhosespecialtyissurgeryhasgonemadonmentaldiseases,andwhat’sbroughthimtothisconclusionaboutyouwasyourconversationto-daywithZametov.”
“Zametovtoldyouallaboutit?”
“Yes,andhedidwell.NowIunderstandwhatitallmeansandsodoesZametov….
Well,thefactis,Rodya…thepointis…Iamalittledrunknow….
Butthat’s…nomatter…thepointisthatthisidea…youunderstand?
wasjustbeinghatchedintheirbrains…youunderstand?
Thatis,nooneventuredtosayitaloud,becausetheideaistooabsurdandespeciallysincethearrestofthatpainter,thatbubble’sburstandgoneforever.Butwhyaretheysuchfools?
IgaveZametovabitofathrashingatthetime—that’sbetweenourselves,brother;pleasedon’tletoutahintthatyouknowofit;I’venoticedheisaticklishsubject;itwasatLuiseIvanovna’s.Butto-day,to-dayit’sallclearedup.
ThatIlyaPetrovitchisatthebottomofit!
Hetookadvantageofyourfaintingatthepolicestation,butheisashamedofithimselfnow;Iknowthat…”
Raskolnikovlistenedgreedily.Razumihinwasdrunkenoughtotalktoofreely.
“Ifaintedthenbecauseitwassocloseandthesmellofpaint,”saidRaskolnikov.
“Noneedtoexplainthat!Anditwasn’tthepaintonly:thefeverhadbeencomingonforamonth;Zossimovtestifiestothat!
Buthowcrushedthatboyisnow,youwouldn’tbelieve!
‘Iamnotworthhislittlefinger,’hesays.Yours,hemeans.Hehasgoodfeelingsattimes,brother.
Butthelesson,thelessonyougavehimto-dayinthePalaisdeCristal,thatwastoogoodforanything!
Youfrightenedhimatfirst,youknow,henearlywentintoconvulsions!
Youalmostconvincedhimagainofthetruthofallthathideousnonsense,andthenyousuddenly—putoutyourtongueathim:‘Therenow,whatdoyoumakeofit?’Itwasperfect!Heiscrushed,annihilatednow!
Itwasmasterly,byJove,it’swhattheydeserve!Ah,thatIwasn’tthere!Hewashopingtoseeyouawfully.
Porfiry,too,wantstomakeyouracquaintance…”
“Ah!...hetoo…butwhydidtheyputmedownasmad?”
“Oh,notmad.Imusthavesaidtoomuch,brother….
Whatstruckhim,yousee,wasthatonlythatsubjectseemedtointerestyou;nowit’sclearwhyitdidinterestyou;knowingallthecircumstances…andhowthatirritatedyouandworkedinwithyourillness…Iamalittledrunk,brother,only,confoundhim,hehassomeideaofhisown…Itellyou,he’smadonmentaldiseases.Butdon’tyoumindhim…”
Forhalfaminutebothweresilent.
“Listen,Razumihin,”beganRaskolnikov,“Iwanttotellyouplainly:I’vejustbeenatadeath-bed,aclerkwhodied…Igavethemallmymoney…andbesidesI’vejustbeenkissedbysomeonewho,ifIhadkilledanyone,wouldjustthesame…infactIsawsomeoneelsethere…withaflame-colouredfeather…butIamtalkingnonsense;Iamveryweak,supportme…weshallbeatthestairsdirectly…”
“What’sthematter?What’sthematterwithyou?”Razumihinaskedanxiously.
“Iamalittlegiddy,butthat’snotthepoint,Iamsosad,sosad…likeawoman.Look,what’sthat?Look,look!”
“Whatisit?”
“Don’tyousee?Alightinmyroom,yousee?Throughthecrack…”
Theywerealreadyatthefootofthelastflightofstairs,atthelevelofthelandlady’sdoor,andtheycould,asafact,seefrombelowthattherewasalightinRaskolnikov’sgarret.
“Queer!Nastasya,perhaps,”observedRazumihin.
“Sheisneverinmyroomatthistimeandshemustbeinbedlongago,but…Idon’tcare!Good-bye!”
“Whatdoyoumean?Iamcomingwithyou,we’llcomeintogether!”
“Iknowwearegoingintogether,butIwanttoshakehandshereandsaygood-byetoyouhere.Sogivemeyourhand,good-bye!”
“What’sthematterwithyou,Rodya?”
“Nothing…comealong…youshallbewitness.”
Theybeganmountingthestairs,andtheideastruckRazumihinthatperhapsZossimovmightberightafterall.“Ah,I’veupsethimwithmychatter!”hemutteredtohimself.
Whentheyreachedthedoortheyheardvoicesintheroom.
“Whatisit?”criedRazumihin.Raskolnikovwasthefirsttoopenthedoor;heflungitwideandstoodstillinthedoorway,dumbfoundered.
Hismotherandsisterweresittingonhissofaandhadbeenwaitinganhourandahalfforhim.
Whyhadheneverexpected,neverthoughtofthem,thoughthenewsthattheyhadstarted,wereontheirwayandwouldarriveimmediately,hadbeenrepeatedtohimonlythatday?
TheyhadspentthathourandahalfplyingNastasyawithquestions.
Shewasstandingbeforethemandhadtoldthemeverythingbynow.
Theywerebesidethemselveswithalarmwhentheyheardofhis“runningaway”to-day,illand,astheyunderstoodfromherstory,delirious!“GoodHeavens,whathadbecomeofhim?”
Bothhadbeenweeping,bothhadbeeninanguishforthathourandahalf.
Acryofjoy,ofecstasy,greetedRaskolnikov’sentrance.Bothrushedtohim.
Buthestoodlikeonedead;asuddenintolerablesensationstruckhimlikeathunderbolt.
Hedidnotlifthisarmstoembracethem,hecouldnot.
Hismotherandsisterclaspedhimintheirarms,kissedhim,laughedandcried.
Hetookastep,totteredandfelltotheground,fainting.
Anxiety,criesofhorror,moans…Razumihinwhowasstandinginthedoorwayflewintotheroom,seizedthesickmaninhisstrongarmsandinamomenthadhimonthesofa.
“It’snothing,nothing!”hecriedtothemotherandsister—”it’sonlyafaint,ameretrifle!
Onlyjustnowthedoctorsaidhewasmuchbetter,thatheisperfectlywell!Water!
See,heiscomingtohimself,heisallrightagain!”
AndseizingDouniabythearmsothathealmostdislocatedit,hemadeherbenddowntoseethat“heisallrightagain.”
Themotherandsisterlookedonhimwithemotionandgratitude,astheirProvidence.
TheyhadheardalreadyfromNastasyaallthathadbeendonefortheirRodyaduringhisillness,bythis“verycompetentyoungman,”asPulcheriaAlexandrovnaRaskolnikovcalledhimthateveninginconversationwithDounia.
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