English
Hewakeduplatenextdayafterabrokensleep.
Buthissleephadnotrefreshedhim;hewakedupbilious,irritable,ill-tempered,andlookedwithhatredathisroom.
Itwasatinycupboardofaroomaboutsixpacesinlength.
Ithadapoverty-strickenappearancewithitsdustyyellowpaperpeelingoffthewalls,anditwassolow-pitchedthatamanofmorethanaverageheightwasillateaseinitandfelteverymomentthathewouldknockhisheadagainsttheceiling.
Thefurniturewasinkeepingwiththeroom:therewerethreeoldchairs,ratherrickety;apaintedtableinthecorneronwhichlayafewmanuscriptsandbooks;thedustthatlaythickuponthemshowedthattheyhadbeenlonguntouched.
Abigclumsysofaoccupiedalmostthewholeofonewallandhalfthefloorspaceoftheroom;itwasoncecoveredwithchintz,butwasnowinragsandservedRaskolnikovasabed.
Oftenhewenttosleeponit,ashewas,withoutundressing,withoutsheets,wrappedinhisoldstudent’sovercoat,withhisheadononelittlepillow,underwhichheheapedupallthelinenhehad,cleananddirty,bywayofabolster.
Alittletablestoodinfrontofthesofa.
Itwouldhavebeendifficulttosinktoalowerebbofdisorder,buttoRaskolnikovinhispresentstateofmindthiswaspositivelyagreeable.
Hehadgotcompletelyawayfromeveryone,likeatortoiseinitsshell,andeventhesightofaservantgirlwhohadtowaituponhimandlookedsometimesintohisroommadehimwrithewithnervousirritation.
Hewasintheconditionthatovertakessomemonomaniacsentirelyconcentratedupononething.
Hislandladyhadforthelastfortnightgivenupsendinghiminmeals,andhehadnotyetthoughtofexpostulatingwithher,thoughhewentwithouthisdinner.
Nastasya,thecookandonlyservant,wasratherpleasedatthelodger’smoodandhadentirelygivenupsweepinganddoinghisroom,onlyonceaweekorsoshewouldstrayintohisroomwithabroom.Shewakedhimupthatday.
“Getup,whyareyouasleep?”shecalledtohim.“It’spastnine,Ihavebroughtyousometea;willyouhaveacup?Ishouldthinkyou’refairlystarving?”
Raskolnikovopenedhiseyes,startedandrecognisedNastasya.
“Fromthelandlady,eh?”heasked,slowlyandwithasicklyfacesittinguponthesofa.
“Fromthelandlady,indeed!”
Shesetbeforehimherowncrackedteapotfullofweakandstaleteaandlaidtwoyellowlumpsofsugarbythesideofit.
“Here,Nastasya,takeitplease,”hesaid,fumblinginhispocket(forhehadsleptinhisclothes)andtakingoutahandfulofcoppers—”runandbuymealoaf.
Andgetmealittlesausage,thecheapest,atthepork-butcher’s.”
“TheloafI’llfetchyouthisveryminute,butwouldn’tyouratherhavesomecabbagesoupinsteadofsausage?It’scapitalsoup,yesterday’s.
Isaveditforyouyesterday,butyoucameinlate.It’sfinesoup.”
Whenthesouphadbeenbrought,andhehadbegunuponit,Nastasyasatdownbesidehimonthesofaandbeganchatting.Shewasacountrypeasant-womanandaverytalkativeone.
“PraskovyaPavlovnameanstocomplaintothepoliceaboutyou,”shesaid.
Hescowled.
“Tothepolice?Whatdoesshewant?”
“Youdon’tpayhermoneyandyouwon’tturnoutoftheroom.That’swhatshewants,tobesure.”
“Thedevil,that’sthelaststraw,”hemuttered,grindinghisteeth,“no,thatwouldnotsuitme…justnow.Sheisafool,”headdedaloud.“I’llgoandtalktoherto-day.”
“Foolsheisandnomistake,justasIam.
Butwhy,ifyouaresoclever,doyoulieherelikeasackandhavenothingtoshowforit?
Onetimeyouusedtogoout,yousay,toteachchildren.Butwhyisityoudonothingnow?”
“Iamdoing…”Raskolnikovbegansullenlyandreluctantly.
“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Work…”
“Whatsortofwork?”
“Iamthinking,”heansweredseriouslyafterapause.
Nastasyawasovercomewithafitoflaughter.Shewasgiventolaughterandwhenanythingamusedher,shelaughedinaudibly,quiveringandshakingallovertillshefeltill.
“Andhaveyoumademuchmoneybyyourthinking?”shemanagedtoarticulateatlast.
“Onecan’tgoouttogivelessonswithoutboots.AndI’msickofit.”
“Don’tquarrelwithyourbreadandbutter.”
“Theypaysolittleforlessons.What’stheuseofafewcoppers?”heanswered,reluctantly,asthoughreplyingtohisownthought.
“Andyouwanttogetafortuneallatonce?”
Helookedatherstrangely.
“Yes,Iwantafortune,”heansweredfirmly,afterabriefpause.
“Don’tbeinsuchahurry,youquitefrightenme!ShallIgetyoutheloafornot?”
“Asyouplease.”
“Ah,Iforgot!Alettercameforyouyesterdaywhenyouwereout.”
“Aletter?forme!fromwhom?”
“Ican’tsay.Igavethreecopecksofmyowntothepostmanforit.Willyoupaymeback?”
“Thenbringittome,forGod’ssake,bringit,”criedRaskolnikovgreatlyexcited—”goodGod!”
Aminutelatertheletterwasbroughthim.
Thatwasit:fromhismother,fromtheprovinceofR——.Heturnedpalewhenhetookit.
Itwasalongwhilesincehehadreceivedaletter,butanotherfeelingalsosuddenlystabbedhisheart.
“Nastasya,leavemealone,forgoodness’sake;hereareyourthreecopecks,butforgoodness’sake,makehasteandgo!”
Theletterwasquiveringinhishand;hedidnotwanttoopenitinherpresence;hewantedtobeleftalonewiththisletter.
WhenNastasyahadgoneout,helifteditquicklytohislipsandkissedit;thenhegazedintentlyattheaddress,thesmall,slopinghandwriting,sodearandfamiliar,ofthemotherwhohadoncetaughthimtoreadandwrite.
Hedelayed;heseemedalmostafraidofsomething.
Atlastheopenedit;itwasathickheavyletter,weighingovertwoounces,twolargesheetsofnotepaperwerecoveredwithverysmallhandwriting.
“MydearRodya,”wrotehismother—”it’stwomonthssinceIlasthadatalkwithyoubyletterwhichhasdistressedmeandevenkeptmeawakeatnight,thinking.
ButIamsureyouwillnotblamemeformyinevitablesilence.
YouknowhowIloveyou;youareallwehavetolookto,DouniaandI,youareourall,ouronehope,ouronestay.
WhatagriefitwastomewhenIheardthatyouhadgivenuptheuniversitysomemonthsago,forwantofmeanstokeepyourselfandthatyouhadlostyourlessonsandyourotherwork!
HowcouldIhelpyououtofmyhundredandtwentyroublesayearpension?
ThefifteenroublesIsentyoufourmonthsagoIborrowed,asyouknow,onsecurityofmypension,fromVassilyIvanovitchVahrushinamerchantofthistown.
Heisakind-heartedmanandwasafriendofyourfather’stoo.
Buthavinggivenhimtherighttoreceivethepension,Ihadtowaittillthedebtwaspaidoffandthatisonlyjustdone,sothatI’vebeenunabletosendyouanythingallthistime.
Butnow,thankGod,IbelieveIshallbeabletosendyousomethingmoreandinfactwemaycongratulateourselvesonourgoodfortunenow,ofwhichIhastentoinformyou.
Inthefirstplace,wouldyouhaveguessed,dearRodya,thatyoursisterhasbeenlivingwithmeforthelastsixweeksandweshallnotbeseparatedinthefuture.
ThankGod,hersufferingsareover,butIwilltellyoueverythinginorder,sothatyoumayknowjusthoweverythinghashappenedandallthatwehavehithertoconcealedfromyou.
WhenyouwrotetometwomonthsagothatyouhadheardthatDouniahadagreatdealtoputupwithintheSvidrigrailovs’house,whenyouwrotethatandaskedmetotellyouallaboutit—whatcouldIwriteinanswertoyou?
IfIhadwrittenthewholetruthtoyou,Idaresayyouwouldhavethrownupeverythingandhavecometous,evenifyouhadtowalkalltheway,forIknowyourcharacterandyourfeelings,andyouwouldnotletyoursisterbeinsulted.
Iwasindespairmyself,butwhatcouldIdo?
And,besides,Ididnotknowthewholetruthmyselfthen.
WhatmadeitallsodifficultwasthatDouniareceivedahundredroublesinadvancewhenshetooktheplaceasgovernessintheirfamily,onconditionofpartofhersalarybeingdeductedeverymonth,andsoitwasimpossibletothrowupthesituationwithoutrepayingthedebt.
Thissum(nowIcanexplainitalltoyou,mypreciousRodya)shetookchieflyinordertosendyousixtyroubles,whichyouneededsoterriblythenandwhichyoureceivedfromuslastyear.
Wedeceivedyouthen,writingthatthismoneycamefromDounia’ssavings,butthatwasnotso,andnowItellyouallaboutit,because,thankGod,thingshavesuddenlychangedforthebetter,andthatyoumayknowhowDounialovesyouandwhataheartshehas.
AtfirstindeedMr.Svidrigailovtreatedherveryrudelyandusedtomakedisrespectfulandjeeringremarksattable….
ButIdon’twanttogointoallthosepainfuldetails,soasnottoworryyoufornothingwhenitisnowallover.
Inshort,inspiteofthekindandgenerousbehaviourofMarfaPetrovna,Mr.Svidrigailov’swife,andalltherestofthehousehold,Douniahadaveryhardtime,especiallywhenMr.Svidrigailov,relapsingintohisoldregimentalhabits,wasundertheinfluenceofBacchus.
Andhowdoyouthinkitwasallexplainedlateron?
WouldyoubelievethatthecrazyfellowhadconceivedapassionforDouniafromthebeginning,buthadconcealeditunderashowofrudenessandcontempt.
Possiblyhewasashamedandhorrifiedhimselfathisownflightyhopes,consideringhisyearsandhisbeingthefatherofafamily;andthatmadehimangrywithDounia.
Andpossibly,too,hehopedbyhisrudeandsneeringbehaviourtohidethetruthfromothers.
ButatlasthelostallcontrolandhadthefacetomakeDouniaanopenandshamefulproposal,promisingherallsortsofinducementsandoffering,besides,tothrowupeverythingandtakehertoanotherestateofhis,orevenabroad.Youcanimagineallshewentthrough!
Toleavehersituationatoncewasimpossiblenotonlyonaccountofthemoneydebt,butalsotosparethefeelingsofMarfaPetrovna,whosesuspicionswouldhavebeenaroused:andthenDouniawouldhavebeenthecauseofaruptureinthefamily.
AnditwouldhavemeantaterriblescandalforDouniatoo;thatwouldhavebeeninevitable.
TherewerevariousotherreasonsowingtowhichDouniacouldnothopetoescapefromthatawfulhouseforanothersixweeks.
YouknowDounia,ofcourse;youknowhowcleversheisandwhatastrongwillshehas.
Douniacanendureagreatdealandeveninthemostdifficultcasesshehasthefortitudetomaintainherfirmness.
Shedidnotevenwritetomeabouteverythingforfearofupsettingme,althoughwewereconstantlyincommunication.Itallendedveryunexpectedly.
MarfaPetrovnaaccidentallyoverheardherhusbandimploringDouniainthegarden,and,puttingquiteawronginterpretationontheposition,threwtheblameuponher,believinghertobethecauseofitall.
Anawfulscenetookplacebetweenthemonthespotinthegarden;MarfaPetrovnawentsofarastostrikeDounia,refusedtohearanythingandwasshoutingatherforawholehourandthengaveordersthatDouniashouldbepackedoffatoncetomeinaplainpeasant’scart,intowhichtheyflungallherthings,herlinenandherclothes,allpell-mell,withoutfoldingitupandpackingit.
Andaheavyshowerofraincameon,too,andDounia,insultedandputtoshame,hadtodrivewithapeasantinanopencartalltheseventeenverstsintotown.
OnlythinknowwhatanswercouldIhavesenttotheletterIreceivedfromyoutwomonthsagoandwhatcouldIhavewritten?
Iwasindespair;Idarednotwritetoyouthetruthbecauseyouwouldhavebeenveryunhappy,mortifiedandindignant,andyetwhatcouldyoudo?
Youcouldonlyperhapsruinyourself,and,besides,Douniawouldnotallowit;andfillupmyletterwithtrifleswhenmyheartwassofullofsorrow,Icouldnot.
Forawholemonththetownwasfullofgossipaboutthisscandal,anditcametosuchapassthatDouniaandIdarednotevengotochurchonaccountofthecontemptuouslooks,whispers,andevenremarksmadealoudaboutus.
Allouracquaintancesavoidedus,nobodyevenbowedtousinthestreet,andIlearntthatsomeshopmenandclerkswereintendingtoinsultusinashamefulway,smearingthegatesofourhousewithpitch,sothatthelandlordbegantotelluswemustleave.
AllthiswassetgoingbyMarfaPetrovnawhomanagedtoslanderDouniaandthrowdirtatherineveryfamily.
Sheknowseveryoneintheneighbourhood,andthatmonthshewascontinuallycomingintothetown,andassheisrathertalkativeandfondofgossipingaboutherfamilyaffairsandparticularlyofcomplainingtoallandeachofherhusband—whichisnotatallright—soinashorttimeshehadspreadherstorynotonlyinthetown,butoverthewholesurroundingdistrict.
Itmademeill,butDouniaboreitbetterthanIdid,andifonlyyoucouldhaveseenhowsheendureditallandtriedtocomfortmeandcheermeup!Sheisanangel!
ButbyGod’smercy,oursufferingswerecutshort:Mr.Svidrigailovreturnedtohissensesandrepentedand,probablyfeelingsorryforDounia,helaidbeforeMarfaPetrovnaacompleteandunmistakableproofofDounia’sinnocence,intheformofaletterDouniahadbeenforcedtowriteandgivetohim,beforeMarfaPetrovnacameupontheminthegarden.
Thisletter,whichremainedinMr.Svidrigailov’shandsafterherdeparture,shehadwrittentorefusepersonalexplanationsandsecretinterviews,forwhichhewasentreatingher.
InthatlettershereproachedhimwithgreatheatandindignationforthebasenessofhisbehaviourinregardtoMarfaPetrovna,remindinghimthathewasthefatherandheadofafamilyandtellinghimhowinfamousitwasofhimtotormentandmakeunhappyadefencelessgirl,unhappyenoughalready.
Indeed,dearRodya,theletterwassonoblyandtouchinglywrittenthatIsobbedwhenIreaditandtothisdayIcannotreaditwithouttears.
Moreover,theevidenceoftheservants,too,clearedDounia’sreputation;theyhadseenandknownagreatdealmorethanMr.Svidrigailovhadhimselfsupposed—asindeedisalwaysthecasewithservants.
MarfaPetrovnawascompletelytakenaback,and‘againcrushed’asshesaidherselftous,butshewascompletelyconvincedofDounia’sinnocence.
Theverynextday,beingSunday,shewentstraighttotheCathedral,kneltdownandprayedwithtearstoOurLadytogiveherstrengthtobearthisnewtrialandtodoherduty.
ThenshecamestraightfromtheCathedraltous,toldusthewholestory,weptbitterlyand,fullypenitent,sheembracedDouniaandbesoughthertoforgiveher.
Thesamemorningwithoutanydelay,shewentroundtoallthehousesinthetownandeverywhere,sheddingtears,sheassertedinthemostflatteringtermsDounia’sinnocenceandthenobilityofherfeelingsandherbehavior.
Whatwasmore,sheshowedandreadtoeveryonetheletterinDounia’sownhandwritingtoMr.Svidrigailovandevenallowedthemtotakecopiesofit—whichImustsayIthinkwassuperfluous.
Inthiswayshewasbusyforseveraldaysindrivingaboutthewholetown,becausesomepeoplehadtakenoffencethroughprecedencehavingbeengiventoothers.
Andthereforetheyhadtotaketurns,sothatineveryhouseshewasexpectedbeforeshearrived,andeveryoneknewthatonsuchandsuchadayMarfaPetrovnawouldbereadingtheletterinsuchandsuchaplaceandpeopleassembledforeveryreadingofit,evenmanywhohadhearditseveraltimesalreadybothintheirownhousesandinotherpeople’s.
Inmyopinionagreatdeal,averygreatdealofallthiswasunnecessary;butthat’sMarfaPetrovna’scharacter.
Anywayshesucceededincompletelyre-establishingDounia’sreputationandthewholeignominyofthisaffairrestedasanindelibledisgraceuponherhusband,astheonlypersontoblame,sothatIreallybegantofeelsorryforhim;itwasreallytreatingthecrazyfellowtooharshly.
Douniawasatonceaskedtogivelessonsinseveralfamilies,butsherefused.
Allofasuddeneveryonebegantotreatherwithmarkedrespectandallthisdidmuchtobringabouttheeventbywhich,onemaysay,ourwholefortunesarenowtransformed.
Youmustknow,dearRodya,thatDouniahasasuitorandthatshehasalreadyconsentedtomarryhim.
Ihastentotellyouallaboutthematter,andthoughithasbeenarrangedwithoutaskingyourconsent,Ithinkyouwillnotbeaggrievedwithmeorwithyoursisteronthataccount,foryouwillseethatwecouldnotwaitandputoffourdecisiontillweheardfromyou.
Andyoucouldnothavejudgedallthefactswithoutbeingonthespot.Thiswashowithappened.
Heisalreadyoftherankofacounsellor,PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin,andisdistantlyrelatedtoMarfaPetrovna,whohasbeenveryactiveinbringingthematchabout.
Itbeganwithhisexpressingthroughherhisdesiretomakeouracquaintance.
Hewasproperlyreceived,drankcoffeewithusandtheverynextdayhesentusaletterinwhichheverycourteouslymadeanofferandbeggedforaspeedyanddecidedanswer.
HeisaverybusymanandisinagreathurrytogettoPetersburg,sothateverymomentisprecioustohim.
Atfirst,ofcourse,weweregreatlysurprised,asithadallhappenedsoquicklyandunexpectedly.
Wethoughtandtalkeditoverthewholeday.
Heisawell-to-doman,tobedependedupon,hehastwopostsinthegovernmentandhasalreadymadehisfortune.
Itistruethatheisforty-fiveyearsold,butheisofafairlyprepossessingappearanceandmightstillbethoughtattractivebywomen,andheisaltogetheraveryrespectableandpresentableman,onlyheseemsalittlemoroseandsomewhatconceited.
Butpossiblythatmayonlybetheimpressionhemakesatfirstsight.
Andbeware,dearRodya,whenhecomestoPetersburg,asheshortlywilldo,bewareofjudginghimtoohastilyandseverely,asyourwayis,ifthereisanythingyoudonotlikeinhimatfirstsight.
Igiveyouthiswarning,althoughIfeelsurethathewillmakeafavourableimpressionuponyou.
Moreover,inordertounderstandanymanonemustbedeliberateandcarefultoavoidformingprejudicesandmistakenideas,whichareverydifficulttocorrectandgetoverafterwards.
AndPyotrPetrovitch,judgingbymanyindications,isathoroughlyestimableman.
Athisfirstvisit,indeed,hetoldusthathewasapracticalman,butstillheshares,asheexpressedit,manyoftheconvictions‘ofourmostrisinggeneration’andheisanopponentofallprejudices.
Hesaidagooddealmore,forheseemsalittleconceitedandlikestobelistenedto,butthisisscarcelyavice.
I,ofcourse,understoodverylittleofit,butDouniaexplainedtomethat,thoughheisnotamanofgreateducation,heiscleverandseemstobegood-natured.
Youknowyoursister’scharacter,Rodya.
Sheisaresolute,sensible,patientandgenerousgirl,butshehasapassionateheart,asIknowverywell.
Ofcourse,thereisnogreatloveeitheronhisside,oronhers,butDouniaisaclevergirlandhastheheartofanangel,andwillmakeitherdutytomakeherhusbandhappywhoonhissidewillmakeherhappinesshiscare.
Ofthatwehavenogoodreasontodoubt,thoughitmustbeadmittedthematterhasbeenarrangedingreathaste.
Besidesheisamanofgreatprudenceandhewillsee,tobesure,ofhimself,thathisownhappinesswillbethemoresecure,thehappierDouniaiswithhim.
Andasforsomedefectsofcharacter,forsomehabitsandevencertaindifferencesofopinion—whichindeedareinevitableeveninthehappiestmarriages—Douniahassaidthat,asregardsallthat,shereliesonherself,thatthereisnothingtobeuneasyabout,andthatsheisreadytoputupwithagreatdeal,ifonlytheirfuturerelationshipcanbeanhonourableandstraightforwardone.
Hestruckme,forinstance,atfirst,asratherabrupt,butthatmaywellcomefromhisbeinganoutspokenman,andthatisnodoubthowitis.
Forinstance,athissecondvisit,afterhehadreceivedDounia’sconsent,inthecourseofconversation,hedeclaredthatbeforemakingDounia’sacquaintance,hehadmadeuphismindtomarryagirlofgoodreputation,withoutdowryand,aboveall,onewhohadexperiencedpoverty,because,asheexplained,amanoughtnottobeindebtedtohiswife,butthatitisbetterforawifetolookuponherhusbandasherbenefactor.
ImustaddthatheexpresseditmorenicelyandpolitelythanIhavedone,forIhaveforgottenhisactualphrasesandonlyrememberthemeaning.
And,besides,itwasobviouslynotsaidofdesign,butslippedoutintheheatofconversation,sothathetriedafterwardstocorrecthimselfandsmoothitover,butallthesameitdidstrikemeassomewhatrude,andIsaidsoafterwardstoDounia.
ButDouniawasvexed,andansweredthat‘wordsarenotdeeds,’andthat,ofcourse,isperfectlytrue.
Douniadidnotsleepallnightbeforeshemadeuphermind,and,thinkingthatIwasasleep,shegotoutofbedandwaswalkingupanddowntheroomallnight;atlastshekneltdownbeforetheikonandprayedlongandferventlyandinthemorningshetoldmethatshehaddecided.
“IhavementionedalreadythatPyotrPetrovitchisjustsettingoffforPetersburg,wherehehasagreatdealofbusiness,andhewantstoopenalegalbureau.
Hehasbeenoccupiedformanyyearsinconductingcivilandcommerciallitigation,andonlytheotherdayhewonanimportantcase.
HehastobeinPetersburgbecausehehasanimportantcasebeforetheSenate.
So,Rodyadear,hemaybeofthegreatestusetoyou,ineverywayindeed,andDouniaandIhaveagreedthatfromthisverydayyoucoulddefinitelyenteruponyourcareerandmightconsiderthatyourfutureismarkedoutandassuredforyou.Oh,ifonlythiscomestopass!
Thiswouldbesuchabenefitthatwecouldonlylookuponitasaprovidentialblessing.Douniaisdreamingofnothingelse.
WehaveevenventuredalreadytodropafewwordsonthesubjecttoPyotrPetrovitch.
Hewascautiousinhisanswer,andsaidthat,ofcourse,ashecouldnotgetonwithoutasecretary,itwouldbebettertobepayingasalarytoarelationthantoastranger,ifonlytheformerwerefittedfortheduties(asthoughtherecouldbedoubtofyourbeingfitted!)
butthenheexpresseddoubtswhetheryourstudiesattheuniversitywouldleaveyoutimeforworkathisoffice.
Thematterdroppedforthetime,butDouniaisthinkingofnothingelsenow.
Shehasbeeninasortoffeverforthelastfewdays,andhasalreadymadearegularplanforyourbecomingintheendanassociateandevenapartnerinPyotrPetrovitch’sbusiness,whichmightwellbe,seeingthatyouareastudentoflaw.
Iamincompleteagreementwithher,Rodya,andshareallherplansandhopes,andthinkthereiseveryprobabilityofrealisingthem.
AndinspiteofPyotrPetrovitch’sevasiveness,verynaturalatpresent(sincehedoesnotknowyou),Douniaisfirmlypersuadedthatshewillgaineverythingbyhergoodinfluenceoverherfuturehusband;thissheisreckoningupon.
OfcoursewearecarefulnottotalkofanyofthesemoreremoteplanstoPyotrPetrovitch,especiallyofyourbecominghispartner.
Heisapracticalmanandmighttakethisverycoldly,itmightallseemtohimsimplyaday-dream.
NorhaseitherDouniaorIbreathedawordtohimofthegreathopeswehaveofhishelpingustopayforyouruniversitystudies;wehavenotspokenofitinthefirstplace,becauseitwillcometopassofitself,lateron,andhewillnodoubtwithoutwastingwordsoffertodoitofhimself,(asthoughhecouldrefuseDouniathat)themorereadilysinceyoumaybyyourowneffortsbecomehisrighthandintheoffice,andreceivethisassistancenotasacharity,butasasalaryearnedbyyourownwork.
DouniawantstoarrangeitalllikethisandIquiteagreewithher.
Andwehavenotspokenofourplansforanotherreason,thatis,becauseIparticularlywantedyoutofeelonanequalfootingwhenyoufirstmeethim.
WhenDouniaspoketohimwithenthusiasmaboutyou,heansweredthatonecouldneverjudgeofamanwithoutseeinghimclose,foroneself,andthathelookedforwardtoforminghisownopinionwhenhemakesyouracquaintance.
Doyouknow,mypreciousRodya,Ithinkthatperhapsforsomereasons(nothingtodowithPyotrPetrovitchthough,simplyformyownpersonal,perhapsold-womanish,fancies)Ishoulddobettertogoonlivingbymyself,apart,thanwiththem,afterthewedding.
Iamconvincedthathewillbegenerousanddelicateenoughtoinvitemeandtourgemetoremainwithmydaughterforthefuture,andifhehassaidnothingaboutithitherto,itissimplybecauseithasbeentakenforgranted;butIshallrefuse.
Ihavenoticedmorethanonceinmylifethathusbandsdon’tquitegetonwiththeirmothers-in-law,andIdon’twanttobetheleastbitinanyone’sway,andformyownsake,too,wouldratherbequiteindependent,solongasIhaveacrustofbreadofmyown,andsuchchildrenasyouandDounia.
Ifpossible,Iwouldsettlesomewherenearyou,forthemostjoyfulpieceofnews,dearRodya,Ihavekeptfortheendofmyletter:knowthen,mydearboy,thatwemay,perhaps,bealltogetherinaveryshorttimeandmayembraceoneanotheragainafteraseparationofalmostthreeyears!
ItissettledforcertainthatDouniaandIaretosetoffforPetersburg,exactlywhenIdon’tknow,butvery,verysoon,possiblyinaweek.
ItalldependsonPyotrPetrovitchwhowillletusknowwhenhehashadtimetolookroundhiminPetersburg.
Tosuithisownarrangementsheisanxioustohavetheceremonyassoonaspossible,evenbeforethefastofOurLady,ifitcouldbemanaged,orifthatistoosoontobeready,immediatelyafter.
Oh,withwhathappinessIshallpressyoutomyheart!
Douniaisallexcitementatthejoyfulthoughtofseeingyou,shesaidonedayinjokethatshewouldbereadytomarryPyotrPetrovitchforthatalone.Sheisanangel!
Sheisnotwritinganythingtoyounow,andhasonlytoldmetowritethatshehassomuch,somuchtotellyouthatsheisnotgoingtotakeupherpennow,forafewlineswouldtellyounothing,anditwouldonlymeanupsettingherself;shebidsmesendyouherloveandinnumerablekisses.
Butalthoughweshallbemeetingsosoon,perhapsIshallsendyouasmuchmoneyasIcaninadayortwo.
NowthateveryonehasheardthatDouniaistomarryPyotrPetrovitch,mycredithassuddenlyimprovedandIknowthatAfanasyIvanovitchwilltrustmenoweventoseventy-fiveroublesonthesecurityofmypension,sothatperhapsIshallbeabletosendyoutwenty-fiveoreventhirtyroubles.
Iwouldsendyoumore,butIamuneasyaboutourtravellingexpenses;forthoughPyotrPetrovitchhasbeensokindastoundertakepartoftheexpensesofthejourney,thatistosay,hehastakenuponhimselftheconveyanceofourbagsandbigtrunk(whichwillbeconveyedthroughsomeacquaintancesofhis),wemustreckonuponsomeexpenseonourarrivalinPetersburg,wherewecan’tbeleftwithoutahalfpenny,atleastforthefirstfewdays.
Butwehavecalculateditall,DouniaandI,tothelastpenny,andweseethatthejourneywillnotcostverymuch.
Itisonlyninetyverstsfromustotherailwayandwehavecometoanagreementwithadriverweknow,soastobeinreadiness;andfromthereDouniaandIcantravelquitecomfortablythirdclass.
SothatImayverylikelybeabletosendtoyounottwenty-five,butthirtyroubles.
Butenough;Ihavecoveredtwosheetsalreadyandthereisnospaceleftformore;ourwholehistory,butsomanyeventshavehappened!
Andnow,mypreciousRodya,Iembraceyouandsendyouamother’sblessingtillwemeet.
LoveDouniayoursister,Rodya;loveherasshelovesyouandunderstandthatshelovesyoubeyondeverything,morethanherself.
Sheisanangelandyou,Rodya,youareeverythingtous—ouronehope,ouroneconsolation.
Ifonlyyouarehappy,weshallbehappy.
Doyoustillsayyourprayers,Rodya,andbelieveinthemercyofourCreatorandourRedeemer?
Iamafraidinmyheartthatyoumayhavebeenvisitedbythenewspiritofinfidelitythatisabroadto-day;Ifitisso,Iprayforyou.
Remember,dearboy,howinyourchildhood,whenyourfatherwasliving,youusedtolispyourprayersatmyknee,andhowhappyweallwereinthosedays.
Good-bye,tillwemeetthen—Iembraceyouwarmly,warmly,withmanykisses.
“Yourstilldeath,
“PULCHERIARASKOLNIKOV.”
Almostfromthefirst,whilehereadtheletter,Raskolnikov’sfacewaswetwithtears;butwhenhefinishedit,hisfacewaspaleanddistortedandabitter,wrathfulandmalignantsmilewasonhislips.
Helaidhisheaddownonhisthreadbaredirtypillowandpondered,ponderedalongtime.
Hisheartwasbeatingviolently,andhisbrainwasinaturmoil.
Atlasthefeltcrampedandstifledinthelittleyellowroomthatwaslikeacupboardorabox.Hiseyesandhismindcravedforspace.
Hetookuphishatandwentout,thistimewithoutdreadofmeetinganyone;hehadforgottenhisdread.
HeturnedinthedirectionoftheVassilyevskyOstrov,walkingalongVassilyevskyProspect,asthoughhasteningonsomebusiness,buthewalked,ashishabitwas,withoutnoticinghisway,mutteringandevenspeakingaloudtohimself,totheastonishmentofthepassers-by.Manyofthemtookhimtobedrunk.
Share this article to
FINISH