English
TheKingandQueenofHeartswereseatedontheirthronewhentheyarrived,withagreatcrowdassembledaboutthem—allsortsoflittlebirdsandbeasts,aswellasthewholepackofcards:theKnavewasstandingbeforethem,inchains,withasoldieroneachsidetoguardhim;andneartheKingwastheWhiteRabbit,withatrumpetinonehand,andascrollofparchmentintheother.
Intheverymiddleofthecourtwasatable,withalargedishoftartsuponit:theylookedsogood,thatitmadeAlicequitehungrytolookatthem—'Iwishthey'dgetthetrialdone,'shethought,'andhandroundtherefreshments!'
Butthereseemedtobenochanceofthis,soshebeganlookingateverythingabouther,topassawaythetime.
Alicehadneverbeeninacourtofjusticebefore,butshehadreadabouttheminbooks,andshewasquitepleasedtofindthatsheknewthenameofnearlyeverythingthere.
'That'sthejudge,'shesaidtoherself,'becauseofhisgreatwig.'
Thejudge,bytheway,wastheKing;andasheworehiscrownoverthewig,(lookatthefrontispieceifyouwanttoseehowhedidit,)hedidnotlookatallcomfortable,anditwascertainlynotbecoming.
'Andthat'sthejury–box,'thoughtAlice,'andthosetwelvecreatures,'(shewasobligedtosay'creatures,'yousee,becausesomeofthemwereanimals,andsomewerebirds,)'Isupposetheyarethejurors.'
Shesaidthislastwordtwoorthreetimesovertoherself,beingratherproudofit:forshethought,andrightlytoo,thatveryfewlittlegirlsofherageknewthemeaningofitatall.
However,'jury–men'wouldhavedonejustaswell.
Thetwelvejurorswereallwritingverybusilyonslates.'Whataretheydoing?'AlicewhisperedtotheGryphon.'Theycan'thaveanythingtoputdownyet,beforethetrial'sbegun.'
'They'reputtingdowntheirnames,'theGryphonwhisperedinreply,'forfeartheyshouldforgetthembeforetheendofthetrial.'
'Stupidthings!'Alicebeganinaloud,indignantvoice,butshestoppedhastily,fortheWhiteRabbitcriedout,'Silenceinthecourt!'
andtheKingputonhisspectaclesandlookedanxiouslyround,tomakeoutwhowastalking.
Alicecouldsee,aswellasifshewerelookingovertheirshoulders,thatallthejurorswerewritingdown'stupidthings!'
ontheirslates,andshecouldevenmakeoutthatoneofthemdidn'tknowhowtospell'stupid,'andthathehadtoaskhisneighbourtotellhim.'
Anicemuddletheirslates'llbeinbeforethetrial'sover!'thoughtAlice.
Oneofthejurorshadapencilthatsqueaked.
Thisofcourse,Alicecouldnotstand,andshewentroundthecourtandgotbehindhim,andverysoonfoundanopportunityoftakingitaway.
Shediditsoquicklythatthepoorlittlejuror(itwasBill,theLizard)couldnotmakeoutatallwhathadbecomeofit;so,afterhuntingallaboutforit,hewasobligedtowritewithonefingerfortherestoftheday;andthiswasofverylittleuse,asitleftnomarkontheslate.
'Herald,readtheaccusation!'saidtheKing.
OnthistheWhiteRabbitblewthreeblastsonthetrumpet,andthenunrolledtheparchmentscroll,andreadasfollows:—
'TheQueenofHearts,shemadesometarts,
Allonasummerday:
TheKnaveofHearts,hestolethosetarts,
Andtookthemquiteaway!'
'Consideryourverdict,'theKingsaidtothejury.
'Notyet,notyet!'theRabbithastilyinterrupted.'There'sagreatdealtocomebeforethat!'
'Callthefirstwitness,'saidtheKing;andtheWhiteRabbitblewthreeblastsonthetrumpet,andcalledout,'Firstwitness!'
ThefirstwitnesswastheHatter.Hecameinwithateacupinonehandandapieceofbread–and–butterintheother.'
Ibegpardon,yourMajesty,'hebegan,'forbringingthesein:butIhadn'tquitefinishedmyteawhenIwassentfor.'
'Yououghttohavefinished,'saidtheKing.'Whendidyoubegin?'
TheHatterlookedattheMarchHare,whohadfollowedhimintothecourt,arm–in–armwiththeDormouse.'FourteenthofMarch,Ithinkitwas,'hesaid.
'Fifteenth,'saidtheMarchHare.
'Sixteenth,'addedtheDormouse.
'Writethatdown,'theKingsaidtothejury,andthejuryeagerlywrotedownallthreedatesontheirslates,andthenaddedthemup,andreducedtheanswertoshillingsandpence.
'Takeoffyourhat,'theKingsaidtotheHatter.
'Itisn'tmine,'saidtheHatter.
'Stolen!'theKingexclaimed,turningtothejury,whoinstantlymadeamemorandumofthefact.
'Ikeepthemtosell,'theHatteraddedasanexplanation;'I'venoneofmyown.I'mahatter.'
HeretheQueenputonherspectacles,andbeganstaringattheHatter,whoturnedpaleandfidgeted.
'Giveyourevidence,'saidtheKing;'anddon'tbenervous,orI'llhaveyouexecutedonthespot.'
Thisdidnotseemtoencouragethewitnessatall:hekeptshiftingfromonefoottotheother,lookinguneasilyattheQueen,andinhisconfusionhebitalargepieceoutofhisteacupinsteadofthebread–and–butter.
JustatthismomentAlicefeltaverycurioussensation,whichpuzzledheragooddealuntilshemadeoutwhatitwas:shewasbeginningtogrowlargeragain,andshethoughtatfirstshewouldgetupandleavethecourt;butonsecondthoughtsshedecidedtoremainwhereshewasaslongastherewasroomforher.
'Iwishyouwouldn'tsqueezeso.'saidtheDormouse,whowassittingnexttoher.'Icanhardlybreathe.'
'Ican'thelpit,'saidAliceverymeekly:'I'mgrowing.'
'You'venorighttogrowhere,'saidtheDormouse.
'Don'ttalknonsense,'saidAlicemoreboldly:'youknowyou'regrowingtoo.'
'Yes,butIgrowatareasonablepace,'saidtheDormouse:'notinthatridiculousfashion.'Andhegotupverysulkilyandcrossedovertotheothersideofthecourt.
AllthistimetheQueenhadneverleftoffstaringattheHatter,and,justastheDormousecrossedthecourt,shesaidtooneoftheofficersofthecourt,'Bringmethelistofthesingersinthelastconcert!'
onwhichthewretchedHattertrembledso,thatheshookbothhisshoesoff.
'Giveyourevidence,'theKingrepeatedangrily,'orI'llhaveyouexecuted,whetheryou'renervousornot.'
'I'mapoorman,yourMajesty,'theHatterbegan,inatremblingvoice,'—andIhadn'tbegunmytea—notaboveaweekorso—andwhatwiththebread–and–buttergettingsothin—andthetwinklingofthetea—'
'Thetwinklingofthewhat?'saidtheKing.
'Itbeganwiththetea,'theHatterreplied.
'OfcoursetwinklingbeginswithaT!'saidtheKingsharply.'Doyoutakemeforadunce?Goon!'
'I'mapoorman,'theHatterwenton,'andmostthingstwinkledafterthat—onlytheMarchHaresaid—'
'Ididn't!'theMarchHareinterruptedinagreathurry.
'Youdid!'saidtheHatter.
'Idenyit!'saidtheMarchHare.
'Hedeniesit,'saidtheKing:'leaveoutthatpart.'
'Well,atanyrate,theDormousesaid—'theHatterwenton,lookinganxiouslyroundtoseeifhewoulddenyittoo:buttheDormousedeniednothing,beingfastasleep.
'Afterthat,'continuedtheHatter,'Icutsomemorebread–and–butter—'
'ButwhatdidtheDormousesay?'oneofthejuryasked.
'ThatIcan'tremember,'saidtheHatter.
'YouMUSTremember,'remarkedtheKing,'orI'llhaveyouexecuted.'
ThemiserableHatterdroppedhisteacupandbread–and–butter,andwentdownononeknee.'I'mapoorman,yourMajesty,'hebegan.
'You'reaverypoorspeaker,'saidtheKing.
Hereoneoftheguinea–pigscheered,andwasimmediatelysuppressedbytheofficersofthecourt.
(Asthatisratherahardword,Iwilljustexplaintoyouhowitwasdone.
Theyhadalargecanvasbag,whichtiedupatthemouthwithstrings:intothistheyslippedtheguinea–pig,headfirst,andthensatuponit.)
'I'mgladI'veseenthatdone,'thoughtAlice.
'I'vesooftenreadinthenewspapers,attheendoftrials,"Therewassomeattemptsatapplause,whichwasimmediatelysuppressedbytheofficersofthecourt,"andIneverunderstoodwhatitmeanttillnow.'
'Ifthat'sallyouknowaboutit,youmaystanddown,'continuedtheKing.
'Ican'tgonolower,'saidtheHatter:'I'monthefloor,asitis.'
'ThenyoumaySITdown,'theKingreplied.
Heretheotherguinea–pigcheered,andwassuppressed.
'Come,thatfinishedtheguinea–pigs!'thoughtAlice.'Nowweshallgetonbetter.'
'I'dratherfinishmytea,'saidtheHatter,withananxiouslookattheQueen,whowasreadingthelistofsingers.
'Youmaygo,'saidtheKing,andtheHatterhurriedlyleftthecourt,withoutevenwaitingtoputhisshoeson.
'—andjusttakehisheadoffoutside,'theQueenaddedtooneoftheofficers:buttheHatterwasoutofsightbeforetheofficercouldgettothedoor.
'Callthenextwitness!'saidtheKing.
ThenextwitnesswastheDuchess'scook.
Shecarriedthepepper–boxinherhand,andAliceguessedwhoitwas,evenbeforeshegotintothecourt,bythewaythepeoplenearthedoorbegansneezingallatonce.
'Giveyourevidence,'saidtheKing.
'Shan't,'saidthecook.
TheKinglookedanxiouslyattheWhiteRabbit,whosaidinalowvoice,'YourMajestymustcross–examineTHISwitness.'
'Well,ifImust,Imust,'theKingsaid,withamelancholyair,and,afterfoldinghisarmsandfrowningatthecooktillhiseyeswerenearlyoutofsight,hesaidinadeepvoice,'Whataretartsmadeof?'
'Pepper,mostly,'saidthecook.
'Treacle,'saidasleepyvoicebehindher.
'CollarthatDormouse,'theQueenshriekedout.'BeheadthatDormouse!TurnthatDormouseoutofcourt!Suppresshim!Pinchhim!Offwithhiswhiskers!'
Forsomeminutesthewholecourtwasinconfusion,gettingtheDormouseturnedout,and,bythetimetheyhadsettleddownagain,thecookhaddisappeared.
'Nevermind!'saidtheKing,withanairofgreatrelief.'Callthenextwitness.'
AndheaddedinanundertonetotheQueen,'Really,mydear,YOUmustcross–examinethenextwitness.Itquitemakesmyforeheadache!'
AlicewatchedtheWhiteRabbitashefumbledoverthelist,feelingverycurioustoseewhatthenextwitnesswouldbelike,'—fortheyhaven'tgotmuchevidenceYET,'shesaidtoherself.
Imaginehersurprise,whentheWhiteRabbitreadout,atthetopofhisshrilllittlevoice,thename'Alice!'
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