English
'Youcan'tthinkhowgladIamtoseeyouagain,youdearoldthing!'saidtheDuchess,asshetuckedherarmaffectionatelyintoAlice's,andtheywalkedofftogether.
Alicewasverygladtofindherinsuchapleasanttemper,andthoughttoherselfthatperhapsitwasonlythepepperthathadmadehersosavagewhentheymetinthekitchen.
'WhenI'MaDuchess,'shesaidtoherself,(notinaveryhopefultonethough),'Iwon'thaveanypepperinmykitchenATALL.
Soupdoesverywellwithout—Maybeit'salwayspepperthatmakespeoplehot–tempered,'shewenton,verymuchpleasedathavingfoundoutanewkindofrule,'andvinegarthatmakesthemsour—andcamomilethatmakesthembitter—and—andbarley–sugarandsuchthingsthatmakechildrensweet–tempered.
Ionlywishpeopleknewthat:thentheywouldn'tbesostingyaboutit,youknow—'
ShehadquiteforgottentheDuchessbythistime,andwasalittlestartledwhensheheardhervoiceclosetoherear.
'You'rethinkingaboutsomething,mydear,andthatmakesyouforgettotalk.
Ican'ttellyoujustnowwhatthemoralofthatis,butIshallrememberitinabit.'
'Perhapsithasn'tone,'Aliceventuredtoremark.
'Tut,tut,child!'saidtheDuchess.'Everything'sgotamoral,ifonlyyoucanfindit.'AndshesqueezedherselfupclosertoAlice'ssideasshespoke.
Alicedidnotmuchlikekeepingsoclosetoher:first,becausetheDuchesswasVERYugly;andsecondly,becauseshewasexactlytherightheighttorestherchinuponAlice'sshoulder,anditwasanuncomfortablysharpchin.
However,shedidnotliketoberude,sosheboreitaswellasshecould.
'Thegame'sgoingonratherbetternow,'shesaid,bywayofkeepinguptheconversationalittle.
''Tisso,'saidtheDuchess:'andthemoralofthatis—"Oh,'tislove,'tislove,thatmakestheworldgoround!"'
'Somebodysaid,'Alicewhispered,'thatit'sdonebyeverybodymindingtheirownbusiness!'
'Ah,well!Itmeansmuchthesamething,'saidtheDuchess,digginghersharplittlechinintoAlice'sshoulderassheadded,'andthemoralofTHATis—"Takecareofthesense,andthesoundswilltakecareofthemselves."'
'Howfondsheisoffindingmoralsinthings!'Alicethoughttoherself.
'Idaresayyou'rewonderingwhyIdon'tputmyarmroundyourwaist,'theDuchesssaidafterapause:'thereasonis,thatI'mdoubtfulaboutthetemperofyourflamingo.ShallItrytheexperiment?'
'HEmightbite,'Alicecautiouslyreplied,notfeelingatallanxioustohavetheexperimenttried.
'Verytrue,'saidtheDuchess:'flamingoesandmustardbothbite.Andthemoralofthatis—"Birdsofafeatherflocktogether."'
'Onlymustardisn'tabird,'Aliceremarked.
'Right,asusual,'saidtheDuchess:'whataclearwayyouhaveofputtingthings!'
'It'samineral,ITHINK,'saidAlice.
'Ofcourseitis,'saidtheDuchess,whoseemedreadytoagreetoeverythingthatAlicesaid;'there'salargemustard–minenearhere.
Andthemoralofthatis—"Themorethereisofmine,thelessthereisofyours."'
'Oh,Iknow!'exclaimedAlice,whohadnotattendedtothislastremark,'it'savegetable.Itdoesn'tlooklikeone,butitis.'
'Iquiteagreewithyou,'saidtheDuchess;'andthemoralofthatis—"Bewhatyouwouldseemtobe"—orifyou'dlikeitputmoresimply—"Neverimagineyourselfnottobeotherwisethanwhatitmightappeartoothersthatwhatyouwereormighthavebeenwasnototherwisethanwhatyouhadbeenwouldhaveappearedtothemtobeotherwise."'
'IthinkIshouldunderstandthatbetter,'Alicesaidverypolitely,'ifIhaditwrittendown:butIcan'tquitefollowitasyousayit.'
'That'snothingtowhatIcouldsayifIchose,'theDuchessreplied,inapleasedtone.
'Praydon'ttroubleyourselftosayitanylongerthanthat,'saidAlice.
'Oh,don'ttalkabouttrouble!'saidtheDuchess.'ImakeyouapresentofeverythingI'vesaidasyet.'
'Acheapsortofpresent!'thoughtAlice.'I'mgladtheydon'tgivebirthdaypresentslikethat!'Butshedidnotventuretosayitoutloud.
'Thinkingagain?'theDuchessasked,withanotherdigofhersharplittlechin.
'I'vearighttothink,'saidAlicesharply,forshewasbeginningtofeelalittleworried.
'Justaboutasmuchright,'saidtheDuchess,'aspigshavetofly;andthem—'
Buthere,toAlice'sgreatsurprise,theDuchess'svoicediedaway,eveninthemiddleofherfavouriteword'moral,'andthearmthatwaslinkedintohersbegantotremble.
Alicelookedup,andtherestoodtheQueeninfrontofthem,withherarmsfolded,frowninglikeathunderstorm.
'Afineday,yourMajesty!'theDuchessbeganinalow,weakvoice.
'Now,Igiveyoufairwarning,'shoutedtheQueen,stampingonthegroundasshespoke;'eitheryouoryourheadmustbeoff,andthatinabouthalfnotime!Takeyourchoice!'
TheDuchesstookherchoice,andwasgoneinamoment.
'Let'sgoonwiththegame,'theQueensaidtoAlice;andAlicewastoomuchfrightenedtosayaword,butslowlyfollowedherbacktothecroquet–ground.
TheotherguestshadtakenadvantageoftheQueen'sabsence,andwererestingintheshade:however,themomenttheysawher,theyhurriedbacktothegame,theQueenmerelyremarkingthatamoment'sdelaywouldcostthemtheirlives.
AllthetimetheywereplayingtheQueenneverleftoffquarrellingwiththeotherplayers,andshouting'Offwithhishead!'or'Offwithherhead!'
Thosewhomshesentencedweretakenintocustodybythesoldiers,whoofcoursehadtoleaveoffbeingarchestodothis,sothatbytheendofhalfanhourorsotherewerenoarchesleft,andalltheplayers,excepttheKing,theQueen,andAlice,wereincustodyandundersentenceofexecution.
ThentheQueenleftoff,quiteoutofbreath,andsaidtoAlice,'HaveyouseentheMockTurtleyet?'
'No,'saidAlice.'Idon'tevenknowwhataMockTurtleis.'
'It'sthethingMockTurtleSoupismadefrom,'saidtheQueen.
'Ineversawone,orheardofone,'saidAlice.
'Comeon,then,'saidtheQueen,'andheshalltellyouhishistory,'
Astheywalkedofftogether,AliceheardtheKingsayinalowvoice,tothecompanygenerally,'Youareallpardoned.''Come,THAT'Sagoodthing!'
shesaidtoherself,forshehadfeltquiteunhappyatthenumberofexecutionstheQueenhadordered.
TheyverysooncameuponaGryphon,lyingfastasleepinthesun.
(IFyoudon'tknowwhataGryphonis,lookatthepicture.)'Up,lazything!'
saidtheQueen,'andtakethisyoungladytoseetheMockTurtle,andtohearhishistory.
ImustgobackandseeaftersomeexecutionsIhaveordered';andshewalkedoff,leavingAlicealonewiththeGryphon.
Alicedidnotquitelikethelookofthecreature,butonthewholeshethoughtitwouldbequiteassafetostaywithitastogoafterthatsavageQueen:soshewaited.
TheGryphonsatupandrubbeditseyes:thenitwatchedtheQueentillshewasoutofsight:thenitchuckled.'Whatfun!'saidtheGryphon,halftoitself,halftoAlice.
'WhatISthefun?'saidAlice.
'Why,SHE,'saidtheGryphon.'It'sallherfancy,that:theyneverexecutesnobody,youknow.Comeon!'
'Everybodysays"comeon!"here,'thoughtAlice,asshewentslowlyafterit:'Ineverwassoorderedaboutinallmylife,never!'
TheyhadnotgonefarbeforetheysawtheMockTurtleinthedistance,sittingsadandlonelyonalittleledgeofrock,and,astheycamenearer,Alicecouldhearhimsighingasifhisheartwouldbreak.Shepitiedhimdeeply.'Whatishissorrow?'
sheaskedtheGryphon,andtheGryphonanswered,verynearlyinthesamewordsasbefore,'It'sallhisfancy,that:hehasn'tgotnosorrow,youknow.Comeon!'
SotheywentuptotheMockTurtle,wholookedatthemwithlargeeyesfulloftears,butsaidnothing.
'Thishereyounglady,'saidtheGryphon,'shewantsfortoknowyourhistory,shedo.'
'I'lltellither,'saidtheMockTurtleinadeep,hollowtone:'sitdown,bothofyou,anddon'tspeakawordtillI'vefinished.'
Sotheysatdown,andnobodyspokeforsomeminutes.Alicethoughttoherself,'Idon'tseehowhecanEVENfinish,ifhedoesn'tbegin.'Butshewaitedpatiently.
'Once,'saidtheMockTurtleatlast,withadeepsigh,'IwasarealTurtle.'
Thesewordswerefollowedbyaverylongsilence,brokenonlybyanoccasionalexclamationof'Hjckrrh!'
fromtheGryphon,andtheconstantheavysobbingoftheMockTurtle.
Alicewasverynearlygettingupandsaying,'Thankyou,sir,foryourinterestingstory,'butshecouldnothelpthinkingthereMUSTbemoretocome,soshesatstillandsaidnothing.
'Whenwewerelittle,'theMockTurtlewentonatlast,morecalmly,thoughstillsobbingalittlenowandthen,'wewenttoschoolinthesea.
ThemasterwasanoldTurtle—weusedtocallhimTortoise—'
'WhydidyoucallhimTortoise,ifhewasn'tone?'Aliceasked.
'WecalledhimTortoisebecausehetaughtus,'saidtheMockTurtleangrily:'reallyyouareverydull!'
'Yououghttobeashamedofyourselfforaskingsuchasimplequestion,'addedtheGryphon;andthentheybothsatsilentandlookedatpoorAlice,whofeltreadytosinkintotheearth.
AtlasttheGryphonsaidtotheMockTurtle,'Driveon,oldfellow!Don'tbealldayaboutit!'andhewentoninthesewords:
'Yes,wewenttoschoolinthesea,thoughyoumayn'tbelieveit—'
'IneversaidIdidn't!'interruptedAlice.
'Youdid,'saidtheMockTurtle.
'Holdyourtongue!'addedtheGryphon,beforeAlicecouldspeakagain.TheMockTurtlewenton.
'Wehadthebestofeducations—infact,wewenttoschooleveryday—'
'I'VEbeentoaday–school,too,'saidAlice;'youneedn'tbesoproudasallthat.'
'Withextras?'askedtheMockTurtlealittleanxiously.
'Yes,'saidAlice,'welearnedFrenchandmusic.'
'Andwashing?'saidtheMockTurtle.
'Certainlynot!'saidAliceindignantly.
'Ah!thenyourswasn'tareallygoodschool,'saidtheMockTurtleinatoneofgreatrelief.'NowatOURStheyhadattheendofthebill,"French,music,ANDWASHING—extra."'
'Youcouldn'thavewanteditmuch,'saidAlice;'livingatthebottomofthesea.'
'Icouldn'taffordtolearnit.'saidtheMockTurtlewithasigh.'Ionlytooktheregularcourse.'
'Whatwasthat?'inquiredAlice.
'ReelingandWrithing,ofcourse,tobeginwith,'theMockTurtlereplied;'andthenthedifferentbranchesofArithmetic—Ambition,Distraction,Uglification,andDerision.'
'Ineverheardof"Uglification,"'Aliceventuredtosay.'Whatisit?'
TheGryphonliftedupbothitspawsinsurprise.'What!Neverheardofuglifying!'itexclaimed.'Youknowwhattobeautifyis,Isuppose?'
'Yes,'saidAlicedoubtfully:'itmeans—to—make—anything—prettier.'
'Well,then,'theGryphonwenton,'ifyoudon'tknowwhattouglifyis,youAREasimpleton.'
Alicedidnotfeelencouragedtoaskanymorequestionsaboutit,sosheturnedtotheMockTurtle,andsaid'Whatelsehadyoutolearn?'
'Well,therewasMystery,'theMockTurtlereplied,countingoffthesubjectsonhisflappers,'—Mystery,ancientandmodern,withSeaography:thenDrawling—theDrawling–masterwasanoldconger–eel,thatusedtocomeonceaweek:HEtaughtusDrawling,Stretching,andFaintinginCoils.'
'WhatwasTHATlike?'saidAlice.
'Well,Ican'tshowityoumyself,'theMockTurtlesaid:'I'mtoostiff.AndtheGryphonneverlearntit.'
'Hadn'ttime,'saidtheGryphon:'IwenttotheClassicsmaster,though.Hewasanoldcrab,HEwas.'
'Ineverwenttohim,'theMockTurtlesaidwithasigh:'hetaughtLaughingandGrief,theyusedtosay.'
'Sohedid,sohedid,'saidtheGryphon,sighinginhisturn;andbothcreatureshidtheirfacesintheirpaws.
'Andhowmanyhoursadaydidyoudolessons?'saidAlice,inahurrytochangethesubject.
'Tenhoursthefirstday,'saidtheMockTurtle:'ninethenext,andsoon.'
'Whatacuriousplan!'exclaimedAlice.
'That'sthereasonthey'recalledlessons,'theGryphonremarked:'becausetheylessenfromdaytoday.'
ThiswasquiteanewideatoAlice,andshethoughtitoveralittlebeforeshemadehernextremark.'Thentheeleventhdaymusthavebeenaholiday?'
'Ofcourseitwas,'saidtheMockTurtle.
'Andhowdidyoumanageonthetwelfth?'Alicewentoneagerly.
'That'senoughaboutlessons,'theGryphoninterruptedinaverydecidedtone:'tellhersomethingaboutthegamesnow.'
Share this article to
FINISH