English
Foraminuteortwoshestoodlookingatthehouse,andwonderingwhattodonext,whensuddenlyafootmaninliverycamerunningoutofthewood—(sheconsideredhimtobeafootmanbecausehewasinlivery:otherwise,judgingbyhisfaceonly,shewouldhavecalledhimafish)—andrappedloudlyatthedoorwithhisknuckles.
Itwasopenedbyanotherfootmaninlivery,witharoundface,andlargeeyeslikeafrog;andbothfootmen,Alicenoticed,hadpowderedhairthatcurledallovertheirheads.
Shefeltverycurioustoknowwhatitwasallabout,andcreptalittlewayoutofthewoodtolisten.
TheFish–Footmanbeganbyproducingfromunderhisarmagreatletter,nearlyaslargeashimself,andthishehandedovertotheother,saying,inasolemntone,'FortheDuchess.
AninvitationfromtheQueentoplaycroquet.'
TheFrog–Footmanrepeated,inthesamesolemntone,onlychangingtheorderofthewordsalittle,'FromtheQueen.
AninvitationfortheDuchesstoplaycroquet.'
Thentheybothbowedlow,andtheircurlsgotentangledtogether.
Alicelaughedsomuchatthis,thatshehadtorunbackintothewoodforfearoftheirhearingher;andwhenshenextpeepedouttheFish–Footmanwasgone,andtheotherwassittingonthegroundnearthedoor,staringstupidlyupintothesky.
Alicewenttimidlyuptothedoor,andknocked.
'There'snosortofuseinknocking,'saidtheFootman,'andthatfortworeasons.
First,becauseI'monthesamesideofthedoorasyouare;secondly,becausethey'remakingsuchanoiseinside,noonecouldpossiblyhearyou.'
Andcertainlytherewasamostextraordinarynoisegoingonwithin—aconstanthowlingandsneezing,andeverynowandthenagreatcrash,asifadishorkettlehadbeenbrokentopieces.
'Please,then,'saidAlice,'howamItogetin?'
'Theremightbesomesenseinyourknocking,'theFootmanwentonwithoutattendingtoher,'ifwehadthedoorbetweenus.
Forinstance,ifyouwereINSIDE,youmightknock,andIcouldletyouout,youknow.'
Hewaslookingupintotheskyallthetimehewasspeaking,andthisAlicethoughtdecidedlyuncivil.
'Butperhapshecan'thelpit,'shesaidtoherself;'hiseyesaresoVERYnearlyatthetopofhishead.
Butatanyratehemightanswerquestions.—HowamItogetin?'sherepeated,aloud.
'Ishallsithere,'theFootmanremarked,'tilltomorrow—'
Atthismomentthedoorofthehouseopened,andalargeplatecameskimmingout,straightattheFootman'shead:itjustgrazedhisnose,andbroketopiecesagainstoneofthetreesbehindhim.
'—ornextday,maybe,'theFootmancontinuedinthesametone,exactlyasifnothinghadhappened.
'HowamItogetin?'askedAliceagain,inaloudertone.
'AREyoutogetinatall?'saidtheFootman.'That'sthefirstquestion,youknow.'
Itwas,nodoubt:onlyAlicedidnotliketobetoldso.'It'sreallydreadful,'shemutteredtoherself,'thewayallthecreaturesargue.It'senoughtodriveonecrazy!'
TheFootmanseemedtothinkthisagoodopportunityforrepeatinghisremark,withvariations.'Ishallsithere,'hesaid,'onandoff,fordaysanddays.'
'ButwhatamItodo?'saidAlice.
'Anythingyoulike,'saidtheFootman,andbeganwhistling.
'Oh,there'snouseintalkingtohim,'saidAlicedesperately:'he'sperfectlyidiotic!'Andsheopenedthedoorandwentin.
Thedoorledrightintoalargekitchen,whichwasfullofsmokefromoneendtotheother:theDuchesswassittingonathree–leggedstoolinthemiddle,nursingababy;thecookwasleaningoverthefire,stirringalargecauldronwhichseemedtobefullofsoup.
'There'scertainlytoomuchpepperinthatsoup!'Alicesaidtoherself,aswellasshecouldforsneezing.
Therewascertainlytoomuchofitintheair.
EventheDuchesssneezedoccasionally;andasforthebaby,itwassneezingandhowlingalternatelywithoutamoment'spause.
Theonlythingsinthekitchenthatdidnotsneeze,werethecook,andalargecatwhichwassittingonthehearthandgrinningfromeartoear.
'Pleasewouldyoutellme,'saidAlice,alittletimidly,forshewasnotquitesurewhetheritwasgoodmannersforhertospeakfirst,'whyyourcatgrinslikethat?'
'It'saCheshirecat,'saidtheDuchess,'andthat'swhy.Pig!'
ShesaidthelastwordwithsuchsuddenviolencethatAlicequitejumped;butshesawinanothermomentthatitwasaddressedtothebaby,andnottoher,soshetookcourage,andwentonagain:—
'Ididn'tknowthatCheshirecatsalwaysgrinned;infact,Ididn'tknowthatcatsCOULDgrin.'
'Theyallcan,'saidtheDuchess;'andmostof'emdo.'
'Idon'tknowofanythatdo,'Alicesaidverypolitely,feelingquitepleasedtohavegotintoaconversation.
'Youdon'tknowmuch,'saidtheDuchess;'andthat'safact.'
Alicedidnotatalllikethetoneofthisremark,andthoughtitwouldbeaswelltointroducesomeothersubjectofconversation.
Whileshewastryingtofixonone,thecooktookthecauldronofsoupoffthefire,andatoncesettoworkthrowingeverythingwithinherreachattheDuchessandthebaby—thefire–ironscamefirst;thenfollowedashowerofsaucepans,plates,anddishes.
TheDuchesstooknonoticeofthemevenwhentheyhither;andthebabywashowlingsomuchalready,thatitwasquiteimpossibletosaywhethertheblowshurtitornot.
'Oh,PLEASEmindwhatyou'redoing!'criedAlice,jumpingupanddowninanagonyofterror.
'Oh,theregoeshisPRECIOUSnose';asanunusuallylargesaucepanflewclosebyit,andverynearlycarrieditoff.
'Ifeverybodymindedtheirownbusiness,'theDuchesssaidinahoarsegrowl,'theworldwouldgoroundadealfasterthanitdoes.'
'WhichwouldNOTbeanadvantage,'saidAlice,whofeltverygladtogetanopportunityofshowingoffalittleofherknowledge.
'Justthinkofwhatworkitwouldmakewiththedayandnight!
Youseetheearthtakestwenty–fourhourstoturnroundonitsaxis—'
'Talkingofaxes,'saidtheDuchess,'chopoffherhead!'
Aliceglancedratheranxiouslyatthecook,toseeifshemeanttotakethehint;butthecookwasbusilystirringthesoup,andseemednottobelistening,soshewentonagain:'Twenty–fourhours,ITHINK;orisittwelve?I—'
'Oh,don'tbotherME,'saidtheDuchess;'Inevercouldabidefigures!'
Andwiththatshebegannursingherchildagain,singingasortoflullabytoitasshedidso,andgivingitaviolentshakeattheendofeveryline:
'Speakroughlytoyourlittleboy,
Andbeathimwhenhesneezes:
Heonlydoesittoannoy,
Becauseheknowsitteases.'
CHORUS.
(Inwhichthecookandthebabyjoined):—
'Wow!wow!wow!'
WhiletheDuchesssangthesecondverseofthesong,shekepttossingthebabyviolentlyupanddown,andthepoorlittlethinghowledso,thatAlicecouldhardlyhearthewords:—
'Ispeakseverelytomyboy,
Ibeathimwhenhesneezes;
Forhecanthoroughlyenjoy
Thepepperwhenhepleases!'
CHORUS.
'Wow!wow!wow!'
'Here!youmaynurseitabit,ifyoulike!'
theDuchesssaidtoAlice,flingingthebabyatherasshespoke.'
ImustgoandgetreadytoplaycroquetwiththeQueen,'andshehurriedoutoftheroom.
Thecookthrewafrying–panafterherasshewentout,butitjustmissedher.
Alicecaughtthebabywithsomedifficulty,asitwasaqueer–shapedlittlecreature,andheldoutitsarmsandlegsinalldirections,'justlikeastar–fish,'thoughtAlice.
Thepoorlittlethingwassnortinglikeasteam–enginewhenshecaughtit,andkeptdoublingitselfupandstraighteningitselfoutagain,sothataltogether,forthefirstminuteortwo,itwasasmuchasshecoulddotoholdit.
Assoonasshehadmadeouttheproperwayofnursingit,(whichwastotwistitupintoasortofknot,andthenkeeptightholdofitsrightearandleftfoot,soastopreventitsundoingitself,)shecarrieditoutintotheopenair.
'IFIdon'ttakethischildawaywithme,'thoughtAlice,'they'resuretokillitinadayortwo:wouldn'titbemurdertoleaveitbehind?'
Shesaidthelastwordsoutloud,andthelittlethinggruntedinreply(ithadleftoffsneezingbythistime).
'Don'tgrunt,'saidAlice;'that'snotatallaproperwayofexpressingyourself.'
Thebabygruntedagain,andAlicelookedveryanxiouslyintoitsfacetoseewhatwasthematterwithit.
TherecouldbenodoubtthatithadaVERYturn–upnose,muchmorelikeasnoutthanarealnose;alsoitseyesweregettingextremelysmallforababy:altogetherAlicedidnotlikethelookofthethingatall.
'Butperhapsitwasonlysobbing,'shethought,andlookedintoitseyesagain,toseeiftherewereanytears.
No,therewerenotears.'Ifyou'regoingtoturnintoapig,mydear,'saidAlice,seriously,'I'llhavenothingmoretodowithyou.Mindnow!'
Thepoorlittlethingsobbedagain(orgrunted,itwasimpossibletosaywhich),andtheywentonforsomewhileinsilence.
Alicewasjustbeginningtothinktoherself,'Now,whatamItodowiththiscreaturewhenIgetithome?'
whenitgruntedagain,soviolently,thatshelookeddownintoitsfaceinsomealarm.
ThistimetherecouldbeNOmistakeaboutit:itwasneithermorenorlessthanapig,andshefeltthatitwouldbequiteabsurdforhertocarryitfurther.
Soshesetthelittlecreaturedown,andfeltquiterelievedtoseeittrotawayquietlyintothewood.
'Ifithadgrownup,'shesaidtoherself,'itwouldhavemadeadreadfullyuglychild:butitmakesratherahandsomepig,Ithink.'
Andshebeganthinkingoverotherchildrensheknew,whomightdoverywellaspigs,andwasjustsayingtoherself,'ifoneonlyknewtherightwaytochangethem—'whenshewasalittlestartledbyseeingtheCheshireCatsittingonaboughofatreeafewyardsoff.
TheCatonlygrinnedwhenitsawAlice.Itlookedgood–natured,shethought:stillithadVERYlongclawsandagreatmanyteeth,soshefeltthatitoughttobetreatedwithrespect.
'CheshirePuss,'shebegan,rathertimidly,asshedidnotatallknowwhetheritwouldlikethename:however,itonlygrinnedalittlewider.
'Come,it'spleasedsofar,'thoughtAlice,andshewenton.
'Wouldyoutellme,please,whichwayIoughttogofromhere?'
'Thatdependsagooddealonwhereyouwanttogetto,'saidtheCat.
'Idon'tmuchcarewhere—'saidAlice.
'Thenitdoesn'tmatterwhichwayyougo,'saidtheCat.
'—solongasIgetSOMEWHERE,'Aliceaddedasanexplanation.
'Oh,you'resuretodothat,'saidtheCat,'ifyouonlywalklongenough.'
Alicefeltthatthiscouldnotbedenied,soshetriedanotherquestion.'Whatsortofpeopleliveabouthere?'
'InTHATdirection,'theCatsaid,wavingitsrightpawround,'livesaHatter:andinTHATdirection,'wavingtheotherpaw,'livesaMarchHare.Visiteitheryoulike:they'rebothmad.'
'ButIdon'twanttogoamongmadpeople,'Aliceremarked.
'Oh,youcan'thelpthat,'saidtheCat:'we'reallmadhere.I'mmad.You'remad.'
'HowdoyouknowI'mmad?'saidAlice.
'Youmustbe,'saidtheCat,'oryouwouldn'thavecomehere.'
Alicedidn'tthinkthatproveditatall;however,shewenton'Andhowdoyouknowthatyou'remad?'
'Tobeginwith,'saidtheCat,'adog'snotmad.Yougrantthat?'
'Isupposeso,'saidAlice.
'Well,then,'theCatwenton,'yousee,adoggrowlswhenit'sangry,andwagsitstailwhenit'spleased.NowIgrowlwhenI'mpleased,andwagmytailwhenI'mangry.ThereforeI'mmad.'
'Icallitpurring,notgrowling,'saidAlice.
'Callitwhatyoulike,'saidtheCat.'DoyouplaycroquetwiththeQueento–day?'
'Ishouldlikeitverymuch,'saidAlice,'butIhaven'tbeeninvitedyet.'
'You'llseemethere,'saidtheCat,andvanished.
Alicewasnotmuchsurprisedatthis,shewasgettingsousedtoqueerthingshappening.Whileshewaslookingattheplacewhereithadbeen,itsuddenlyappearedagain.
'By–the–bye,whatbecameofthebaby?'saidtheCat.'I'dnearlyforgottentoask.'
'Itturnedintoapig,'Alicequietlysaid,justasifithadcomebackinanaturalway.
'Ithoughtitwould,'saidtheCat,andvanishedagain.
Alicewaitedalittle,halfexpectingtoseeitagain,butitdidnotappear,andafteraminuteortwoshewalkedoninthedirectioninwhichtheMarchHarewassaidtolive.
'I'veseenhattersbefore,'shesaidtoherself;'theMarchHarewillbemuchthemostinteresting,andperhapsasthisisMayitwon'tberavingmad—atleastnotsomadasitwasinMarch.'
Asshesaidthis,shelookedup,andtherewastheCatagain,sittingonabranchofatree.
'Didyousaypig,orfig?'saidtheCat.
'Isaidpig,'repliedAlice;'andIwishyouwouldn'tkeepappearingandvanishingsosuddenly:youmakeonequitegiddy.'
'Allright,'saidtheCat;andthistimeitvanishedquiteslowly,beginningwiththeendofthetail,andendingwiththegrin,whichremainedsometimeaftertherestofithadgone.
'Well!I'veoftenseenacatwithoutagrin,'thoughtAlice;'butagrinwithoutacat!It'sthemostcuriousthingIeversawinmylife!'
ShehadnotgonemuchfartherbeforeshecameinsightofthehouseoftheMarchHare:shethoughtitmustbetherighthouse,becausethechimneyswereshapedlikeearsandtheroofwasthatchedwithfur.
Itwassolargeahouse,thatshedidnotliketogonearertillshehadnibbledsomemoreofthelefthandbitofmushroom,andraisedherselftoabouttwofeethigh:eventhenshewalkeduptowardsitrathertimidly,sayingtoherself'Supposeitshouldberavingmadafterall!
IalmostwishI'dgonetoseetheHatterinstead!'
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